Original subtitles

♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Is he bold? ♪

-♪ No one braver ♪

-♪ Is he sweet? ♪

-♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪

-♪ What a guy ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Ask his friends ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Come on ♪

-♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one, a zero, zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

[Bob narrating]

In the ancient realm of myths

and monsters,

there was no beast more feared

than the Nemean Lion.

Woe to any hero foolhardy

enough to face that toothy maw.

Ah, but the mighty Hercules

was just such a hero,

and it was he who...

[knocks on door]

[annoyed] Come in!

Sorry to interrupt.

[Bob] Are you?

You seem to make a habit of it.

Oh, you love it.

Besides, we got to

set the record straight.

Now just a minute.

The mighty Hercules vanquished

the Nemean Lion.

Everybody knows that.

Sure, now. but not at the time. Mnh-mnh.

[Bob] Oh, uh... really?

Honey, it got complicated.

Ho ho, Herc!

You are gonna love this!

So they've taken you on the same

field trip every year?

Only since kindergarten.

Welcome, Prometheus Academy students

to the Olive Works tour.

I'm your guide, Pimentocles.

Soon you will get

a once-in-a-lifetime peek

into the exciting world of the olive

and its byproducts,

olive oil, olive relish, and olive loaf!

Ooh! The cold cut of Kings.

Please step away from the tram

until it comes to a complete stop.

"Olive" board! Aha ha!

Oops. [giggles] Just missed the tram.

But there's another in two minutes.

[growling]

How many...

in... your... party?

-[roars]

-[screams]

Did you hear something?

Sounded like a scream.

Probably somebody who just

finished the tour.

Cassandra, please.

Show a little reverence.

We are about to enter

the Hall of Pimentos.

[Pimentocles] For your safety,

please keep your arms and legs

inside the tram at all times.

No pictures.

Official bas-reliefs of the tour are...

[growling]

[screams]

We all love our fair city of Athens,

But do you know the story of how

Athens came to be Athens?

Huh?

I'd like to think I had

something to do with that.

It's the mighty Athena!

Hello, mighty Athena.

Can you tell us how Athens

came to be Athens?

Certainly, Mr. Pimentocles.

Hold your sea horses, lady!

You can't tell this story

without Poseidon!

Ha ha ha! He has a point.

You see, each of these gods

offered this land a gift.

Accept this everflowing spring,

good for bathing and whatnot,

And become Poseidonopolis!

Or accept this charming olive

tree and become...

Athens!

Well, we all know what we went for!

The more practical gift.

Sorry, Sea God!

Athenians want their olives!

And that's how the olive became

the backbone of the Athenian economy.

And now, for a special treat--

An exclusive peek behind the magic

of our Pimento packing plant!

Ha ha!

I got to get a picture of this!

Icarus, is this really necessary?

Come on, honey,

we're making memories here.

[Pimentocles] Oh, and please, no pictures.

Official bas-reliefs of the tour

are available at our gift shop.

It's gotten so commercial.

Used to be about the olives.

Here, under climate-controlled conditions,

we stuff each individual olive

with its hidden treasure.

I feel like somebody's watching us.

[dramatically] Oooh! It's the pimentos!

A thousand little red eyes

that never blink!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I guess.

Thank you for joining us!

And don't forget your

complimentary Kalamatas

at our hospitality center!

Heh! Bye!

[growling]

Hey!

[screams]

OK, that was a scream!

Oh, come on! Is this all you people do?

Isn't there anyone in Athens gutsy enough

to fight the Nemean Lion?

They pay me in Kalamatas! Aaaah!

Don't panic!

There's a hero-in-training on the job!

Uh-oh.

Uh, Herc, you left one standing.

-[crashes]

-Oh. Yeah. My mistake.

Hall of Pimentos demolished.

Initial reports show no injuries.

Other than, of course,

the crippling of the Athenian economy!

These things are cyclical.

The economy will bounce back.

So, why are we here?

Because I want to know just how

that factory crumbled to dust.

Now, let's see.

"Cassandra, fashionably

downbeat high-schooler

cursed with dark visions of doom."

Well, missy, what did you see?

I didn't see a thing.

The seer didn't see. Peachy.

But you don't have to be clairvoyant

to finger the perpetrator.

Not when Hercules is involved!

Oh. But, sir, I--

Zip it, punk!

You got a rap scroll

longer than Zeus' beard.

Reckless driving at the reins

of Apollo's chariot...

The allegedly accidental attack

on our beloved leader Pericles...

And who could forget

the colossus of Rhodes incident?

I think we all know who did the crime,

the same punk who's going to

be doing the time.

Doing time?

But it's my first offense!

Icarus! What are you doing?

Saving your Olympian behind!

What are you babbling about,

you little ferret?

Oh, do I have to spell it out for you?

This is my confession.

'Twas I that demolished the building!

'Twas I that dealt a deadly blow

to the Athenian olive industry!

'Twas I that...

Saved Athens from a monster!

-Who?

-Young man, you're a hero!

You saved us all from the Nemean Lion.

Come see!

We found him knocked out cold

under the olive press.

Ugh, look at this!

Never even saw what hit me!

Come here, you weenies!

I demand a fair fight!

Hey! Somebody step up.

My employees were terrorized.

[crying] Those teeth were gigantic

I knew there was trouble in that factory!

I could feel it!

Thank Zeus for the young man

who leapt into action.

What's your name, son?

Icarus, sir.

Brave lad! You don't know Fear, do you?

Well, we're acquaintances.

The Nemean Lion? In Athens?

Yeah, Nemea was boring me.

I was looking to spread the terror.

Not while our boy Icarus is around.

This is the guy that whacked me?

Great. My reputation's shot.

[chuckling] They think

Icarus is the hero.

Funny, as long as he doesn't

think he's the hero.

Ah! That's right, lion!

I'm bad! You're sad.

I'm tough! You're bluff.

I'm... something,

and you're the negative

of that something, buddy! Ha!

[Bob reading]

OK, rookie, let's see some hero hustle!

Oy! If this keeps up,

I'm gonna run out of discuses.

-Come on, Pegasus! Come on, boy! Fetch!

-[neighs]

Good boy!

Well done, steed.

Hero-in-training Icarus

reporting for hero training, sir.

Let me guess,

flew too close to the sun again.

Uh, heh, I kind of told him

he could drop by.

He wants to train to be a hero.

[laughing]

Him? A hero-in-training?

Philoctetes, I'm serious.

I'd like to get in touch

with my heroic side.

Two words. Ri-diculous.

Well, maybe you haven't read the papers!

"Teen hero!" et cetera, et cetera.

Here. I happen to have

a couple of clippings. Yeah.

Phil, go easy on him. He's my best friend.

Say no more.

Icarus, let me show you something.

Right there-- that's a hero-in-training.

He's got the potential, the dedication,

and most of all,

the heart.

Well, I have heart.

[stammers] I don't--

Let me put this to you gently.

You are not a hero-in-training!

End of story!

You are so right.

Thanks, Phil.

That was going easy?

Eh, it got the job done.

[Hercules] I don't get it.

Icarus never skips

a Friday night at Speedy Pita.

Yeah, if he stays away a few more years

I might start to miss him.

I don't even want to know

what he's doing, OK?

I'm scaring away evildoers, honey.

What evildoers?

Exactly!

Effective, no?

I love this city-state.

I must now live in the shadows

to protect it.

But Phil said--

I know! And he was so right.

I realize now that I am

no mere hero-in-training.

-I am more than that!

-[screams]

More than even a hero.

I'm a kind of a-- let's see,

oh, how do I say it?

Kind of a...

Superhero!

Superhero!

[screaming]

♪ Who soars like an eagle in flight? ♪

♪ Icarus ♪

♪ Who fights for the right

With his might? ♪

♪ Icarus ♪

♪ Who thwarts any threat

Without breaking a sweat ♪

♪ And looks pretty good in his tights? ♪

That's me.

♪ Icarus ♪

♪ Icarus ♪

♪ Icarus ♪

[Hercules] Icarus? Icarus?

Icarus! Would you listen?

You've got to give up this hero stuff.

We don't expect you to get

completely in touch with reality.

Just back to your

previous level of delusion.

Guys, I'd like to be Joe Normal

again, I really would,

But I can't turn back now.

Athens needs me.

[man] Icarus, Athens needs you!

See? I told you!

The Nemean Lion's escaped.

[screaming]

Well, it's me he wants...

and I shan't disappoint him.

Icarus! What are you thinking?

You'll get yourself killed!

Ha! Hero-in-training. [scoffs]

Come on, you stinkin' Athenians!

Where's your hero?

Bring me Icarus!

I'm sorry...

But you're going to have to

settle for me tonight.

What is this? Who are you?

The name's Hercules!

Yeah? So?

Uh, yeah. Thanks, Herc.

I'll, uh, take it from here.

What?

So, foe...

We meet again!

H-h-hold on. Icarus.

Listen to me. This is danger-- oh!

[growling]

Icarus!

Well, I guess you could say

I won the "mane" event.

Ha! Ho!

Good pun! I am so made for this!

And I'm not "lyin'"-- "lion!"

Ooh! Double pun!

I am so good!

[crowd clamors]

Calm thyselves, citizens.

No need to make a fuss.

[crickets chirping]

Oh! OK! Go ahead!

Make a fuss!

[cheering]

You are kidding me.

Ho, did you see that, Herc?

Chalk up one more victory

for the hero of Athens!

No, Icarus. I beat the lion.

Oh, sure you did, boo-boo! Sure you did!

But... but...

I'm the hero.

This was a new statue, punk.

It's not what it looks like.

Never is with your type, is it?

Oh, if only you could be more

like that Icarus kid.

[Bob] Icarus says, "No claws for alarm!"

Ho! Good morning, Athens!

It is I, your protector and role model!

Quite a turnout for your weirdo buddy.

He hasn't done anything!

I've defeated the Nemean Lion twice! Me!

Phil...

Icarus is not a hero.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, you said it yourself

and, boy-oh-boy, were you right.

Mm-hmm.

Of course, Icarus thinks he's a hero.

I cannot help but detect

a slight edge to you today.

Oh, no, no. No edge. Not really.

It's just--

it should be me in that parade!

Herc, being a hero is not about

being in a parade or on a banner

or on the front page.

I know, Phil, but--

But it is about saving people,

which you did last night.

In spades, I might add.

Yeah. I did, didn't I?

Yep.

Let's just hope you're there

when the time comes.

What do you mean? What time?

The time the superhero

gets in over his big head.

Ho, thank you!

[smooches]

I love you!

No pictures, please!

Official bas-reliefs are

available at my gift shop.

Hey, I know where you live!

Oh, you're big man now I'm in a cage!

My tail, my mane, and now insults?

I'm gonna eat Icarus.

There. I made the vow. It will be done!

What's going on? What is all this?

It's the media, Herc.

They dog my every move.

You'll learn all about them when

you become a full-fledged hero.

Keep an eye on this kid, huh?

His name's Hercules,

and he is gonna be

one heck of a hero someday.

Yeah! Heracles!

Do you hope to someday

be a hero like Icarus?

[crickets chirping]

[grumbles] No comment.

Icarus! It's the Nemean Lion!

He's escaped!

Come on! Again?

I, uh, put in for a better cage

in next year's budget.

Ah! Good work!

Herc. Cassandra. Get somewhere safe.

The danger zone is no place

for two innocents like you.

Now let's roll, baby!

Right!

Are you gonna bail him out again?

Well, I've got to.

Oh, come on, just let him

get lightly mauled.

We've managed to pin him down in there,

but he won't come out until you face him.

Go to it, hero!

Oh, what a brave lad!

Certain death awaits him!

[man] A hero to the bitter end.

Icarus is here.

Oh! Hiding are you?

Has my reputation frightened the big baby?

Maybe the baby has to run back

to his Nemean mommy, eh?

Hey! Leave my mother out of this!

Once again fate has brought us together.

What took you so long?

I was watching you, learning your moves.

Oh, is-- I have moves? Really?

Cool!

Yeah, hero. Show me what you're made of.

Oh, ho! You want some of this? Huh?

You want to see what I'm made of?

Well, here's a factory tour, baby!

Ow!

That hurt!

What was that? That's it?

Well... worked before.

How did you get me with that lame-o move?

Last time you knocked me so hard

I thought you were a demigod.

Demigod? Hmm. Well, that means that, uh...

Oh, no!

I'm a big old honkin' fraud!

Herc beat you! I just got the credit!

And then I just surfed

the publicity wave, man!

I am so ashamed!

OK. Just stand up already.

You're embarrassing both of us.

[crying] OK. OK. [sniffles] Thanks.

[blows nose]

Yeah. Whatever. Who's Herc?

He's the one who really defeated you!

Look at me. I'm just a credit hog.

I'm not arguing.

I'll settle up with him later.

Right now, I'm just-- I'm gonna eat you.

[growling]

Ow! My tooth!

Paws off my pal, monster!

Hey, that's a good line.

You're Hercules, right?

That's right! Hercules. Hero-in-training.

And he is gonna mop the floor

with your hide, buddy!

That so?

Well, hero-in-training,

seems I can blame you for

my bent tail and chrome dome!

[spits] And my broken tooth!

[growling]

[neighing]

Ow!

Fight fair!

[roars]

Well, Herc, doesn't look like

you'll ever make full-fledged hero.

Hey! Paws off my pal, baby!

Ow!

Whoa!

Whoops.

Herc?

Herc.

[sighs]

One more item for my rap scroll, I guess.

Oh, Herc!

You're alive! Will you ever forgive me?

I'm a fake! A sham! A pretender!

Icarus, it's OK. I forgive you.

No, no! I was sucked into

the hype machine, man!

You deserve the accolades!

You deserve the adoration of the masses!

A real hero doesn't need

that stuff, Icarus.

I should have known better than

to think I could be a hero.

Come on, when I was in trouble,

you took the blame.

You're my hero.

No, no, no! Really? Ooh, buddy!

Maybe I could be like,

you know, your sidekick.

You know, like "sidekick guy"!

Like if a bad guy needs to

take a hostage, well,

that could be me!

Or, uh, I could organize

your Junior Hero League.

-Uh, Icarus?

-Yeah, Herc.

How 'bout a little quiet time?

OK, buddy! Say no more!

Quiet like mice. Not even here.

Shh.

[man] "Icarus," Scene IV. Take I.

[director] And action... cut!

Take II.

Action... cut!

Action!

Cut!

Action... cut! Cut!

Action... cut!

Action... cut!

Action! Cut! [groans]

[theme music playing]