All language subtitles for Sullivan and son S03E04

Hey, should we go sit
with Ahmed?

No, I don't feel
like getting up.

I'll call him and tell him
we're over here.

What a dick!

Well, you call him a lot.
Let me try.

What the hell?

Hey, jag-off,
answer your phone.

You guys called me?

Yeah, we just saw you
blow us off!

Hey, don't feel bad.

His people have
like 50 or 60 phones.

That's how they plan
what they're gonna do.

That's probably
a detonator phone.

Don't make me press "3," Hank.

Steve! My good friend!

Remember me... Sanjay?

I was here a while ago
for ladies night.

I picked up every single girl
in this bar.

You all went home to a shame
place and abused yourself.

Oh, yeah, I remember you.

How's everything
in douchebag land?

Still the king?

I'm a reformed man now, Steve.

Every day, I faithfully
attend sex-addiction meetings

at the downtown rec center.

Changed my life.

And not just because
of the cronuts they serve.

Talk about addictive.

Seriously?
Sex addiction?

I hurt a lot of people, Steve.

Many women.

1,223...And a half.

I'm not proud
of what I've done.

I am a sex addict.

Ooh, look at me.
A big carrot.

No, thank you.
I'm in recovery now.

Six months flaccid.

Congratulations.
You got your limp chip.

Thank you.
It was a big day for me.

Back when I was sexing it up,

I was so ashamed
of my personality

that I created
an alter ego... Neal,

but he's gone now, and so
is cheesy pick-up lines like,

uh, "is your father
an art thief?"

'Cause
you're a masterpiece."

Sorry, not meant for you.

Rest assured, Neal,
the sex-addicted me

is locked away
and never to return.

Sanjay is a free man.

Look, I'm glad you're feeling
better and everything,

but I'm not buying
the whole sex-addict thing.

Oh, Steve, it's a real thing.

Luckily, I dodged that bullet.

I'm in control of my sex life.

I can limit myself
to three times a day.

Four on Sundays!

You know, to me, sex addiction
is just an excuse

for guys like you
to be a slam hound.

Yes, many people are skeptical,

but Neal's sex addiction

cost me my job, my home,
everything.

But now my life
is back on track

selling...
The kitomo knife!

Steve,
do you ever ask yourself,

"am I really happy
with my cutlery needs?"

Hey. These are nice, huh?

Well-balanced, durable handle,

and look at the ease
of the cutting action.

Oh, yeah.

It's like that lemon
was begging for it.

Back in my day, we called
things what they were,

and we would call someone
like you a skirt chaser,

a sleazeball, a scumbag.

And back then, if you walked
into your living room

and found
the frigidaire repairman

on top of your wife,

you'd tell him, "hey, that's
on your time, not mine."

Sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com

♪ Da da da da,
da da da, da, da da ♪

♪ da, da da da, da da da ♪

♪ da da da da,
da da da, da da da ♪

♪ da da da da, da da da,
da da da, da da da, hey! ♪

And one quick cut here,
and one quick cut there,

and voilà, a radish
becomes a rose.

That's beautiful.

Yeah, yeah,
your knives are great,

but I really think
it's time for you to go.

I'll leave
as soon as I make amends.

Please, it's a big part
of my therapy.

There's therapy for being
a womanizing jerk?

Oh, yes.
It's very extensive.

There's group work, journaling.

I even swam with dolphins,
which was challenging

because those blowholes
are very enticing.

I hear you, Sanjay.
I'm banned from seaworld.

So I lean over to pet a dolphin,

and one of my skittles
drops down its blowhole.

Of course I got to fish it out.

Next thing you know, they arrest
me for fingering a dolphin.

Excuse me, Steve,

there's one more person
I need to make amends to.

Melanie, do you remember me?

Unfortunately, yes.

I just want to say
my name is Sanjay Patel,

and I am a sex addict.

More like man-whore,
but whatever works for you.

Look, the person you met,
Neal, is dead and buried.

Not only did he demean
and disrespect you,

but more importantly,
he objectified you as a woman,

and I deeply regret that.

Well, something is different.

You've been talking to me
for 30 seconds,

and you haven't checked out
my boobs.

I know. Crazy, huh?

I got a chip for that, too.

I just hope someday
you can forgive me.

Sanjay, what are these
selling for?

Uh, $399.

Ooh, that's kind of expensive.

But wait. There's more.

You're not buying
this guy's act, are you?

Of course not.

Hey, people can change.
They can grow.

Like, when a black family bought
the house next door to me,

I didn't call the cops.
I didn't get upset.

All I did was sell my house.

For a loss, obviously.

If you buy
the kitomo knife today,

you also get these lovely
stainless-steel shrimp forks,

but you must... Act... Now!

Wait right here.
I'll get you the money.

Ohh!

Money?

You cannot spend money
without my authorization.

This is not your money.
It's mine.

Wait a minute.
Your money is our money.

And what about the money
you have stashed away?

Well, that's my money.

You know what's total B.S.?

I have to register

if I live within 1,000 feet
of an aquarium.

They call it flipper's law.

Let's talk about something
human, preferably women.

This guy has a whole bunch
of knowledge

on a subject
that he's not using.

It's true.
He could teach us.

Sanjay, got a question for you.

Just between us, what's your
secret for picking up women?

Well, t-that's a past
I'm not proud of.

Oh, you'd really be
helping us out, man.

Well, part of my therapy
is helping those in need.

But before I do, I must ask...

are any of you predisposed
to sex addiction?

No, we're all good.
No addiction problems here.

Well, with women, it comes down
to one word... observation.

See that woman over there
in the homemade sweater?

She's into crafts, so you talk
scrapbooking, knitting patterns,

and, boom, you're in.

And her... I'd direct your eye

to the flecks of light-green
paint on her arm.

She is an artist
who does landscapes,

probably an admirer
of the impressionist period.

So you talk the works of monet,
degas, pissarro.

Ah, for me,
it's the works of Gauguin.

The brush strokes,
the composition.

Man, could that guy paint
a pair of tits.

What about that girl?
What do I do with her?

Her hair is tied back tight,
which indicates severe type-a.

So when you talk to her, you
must only look at her left eye,

which connects to the right side
of the brain,

which is less rational.

Look into the left eye.
Got it.

Is it her left or my left?

Her left.

That side.

- Hi. My name's Owen.
- Hi.

Has anyone ever told you
you have a beautiful left eye?

No, but thank you.

Hi. I'm Hank.

Sagittarius.
I eat bacon every day.

You have a beautiful left eye.

Damn it.

Oh, is everything okay,
Melanie?

Oh, yeah.

I just found out
that I'm on call this weekend,

and I just came off
a 48-hour shift.

Melanie,
you're so underappreciated.

You heal the sick,
you save lives,

but it's still not enough.

Finally, somebody
who understands

what I deal with
every single day.

Look at her.

She's falling
for his sex-addiction crap.

All he wants to do
is get in her pants.

My wife doesn't wear pants
anymore...

just big dresses
to cover everything up.

It's kind of a blessing.

Plus, I think the neighbors
appreciate it.

Well, I'm not letting
this happen.

Melanie, I would love
to take you out for coffee.

Oh, I don't think
that would be a...

Before you say no,
it would just mean

that you can see
that I've really changed.

So, will you go
for coffee with me?

No. That sounds nice, Sanjay.

I said no.

A date?
Are you out of your mind?

It's not a date.
It's just coffee.

Melanie, coffee means sex.

Everybody knows
it's a gateway drink.

Steve, he seems
like he really changed,

and between work and here,

it's not like
I meet a lot of guys.

It'd be nice
to get back out there

and eventually meet somebody.

And you will, but that guy...
Neal, Sanjay...

whatever he's calling himself
this week... is scamming you.

He's not a sex addict.
Sex addiction is not real.

Steve, Steve, Steve.

You need to be sympathetic
to these people.

It's something
they can't control.

Every thought, every person,
every object is about sex...

Even this coaster...

The cold metal
of a Martini shaker...

the smooth handle
of this lemon zester.

In fact, these are
very dangerous for Sanjay.

I'm confiscating them.

This thing will cut
through everything.

Roy, give me your phone.

So, about your secret stash,

exactly how much money
do you have?

Exactly none of your business.

Tell me.

This kills you, doesn't it...

to know I have my own money,
and you don't know how much.

I love you, Jackie.

Oh! You can do better
than that.

Do you have enough money
to cover my naked body?

Better.

I'll... I'll tell you
if you do that thing I like.

I'll make
the proper preparations.

You ain't got shit, right?

Not a dime.

Married man to married man,
what's the thing?

I lay on the table...

ooh, that's enough.

Couldn't help
but notice your blouse.

It's very see-through-y.

I like to observe things.

You have this quiet
intelligence about you.

Yeah-huh.

I love that mole on your cheek.

It tells me you have no regard
for your health.

You like to live life
on the edge.

I do.
You get me.

I like you.

Will you excuse us?

Don't let anyone else
observe you while we're gone.

Dude, your tricks are awesome.

We're killing it
with those babes.

Yeah, it's going great.

It's time to close the deal.
What do we do?

Gentlemen, you've learned
a lot for one day.

In good time, we'll discuss
how to close the deal,

but for now, be free.

I knew it.
You're still scamming women.

No.
No, it's not for myself.

I-it's like a charity.

Think of it this way...

I'm arranging adoptions
for erections without a home.

Please, will you drop
the sex-addict crap?

Nobody is buying it,
especially me.

I'm sorry you don't believe me,
but it's the truth.

Really? So, uh...
so, this cute girl here...

you're telling me
you don't want to use

one of your cheesy
pickup lines like,

"was that an earthquake,
or did you just rock my world?"

Not now.

I'm not that person anymore.

See that hot girl
that just walked by?

No.
Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.

And you're picturing her naked
right now.

No, no, I'm not.
Oh, yeah, you are.

Only because you put
the picture in my head.

And you know what
she's doing right now?

She's unsnapping her bra.

Not her Lacy, Lacy bra.

Oh, yeah.
You know you want her to.

No, no, I don't.
Yes, you do.

No, no, no, I don't.
I don't.

I mean, I do.

I'll tear those purple panties
off with my teeth!

Oh, my God. He's loose.

That's right. I am.

I'll be burger king,
and you be McDonald's.

I'll have it my way.
You'll be loving it.

Steve, help me put him back.

I'm never going back.

Yes, yes,
you are, you evil punani hound.

Mothers, hide your daughters!

Daughters, hide your mothers!

Must stop you!
No! Douchebag!

Pussy!
Who wants a piece of this?!

Are you a parking ticket?

'Cause you got "fine"
written all over you.

You got a band-aid?

'Cause I just scraped my knee
falling for you... boom!

We out of here, ladies.

Gentlemen, that's how
you close the deal.

Help me.

Sanjay, wait, wait!
I'm sorry!

Steve, what did you do?

I thought he was full of it.

Well, you were wrong.
You just destroyed a man

who was turning
his life around, Steve.

Hey, if you have
some free time later,

why don't you run
into an airport terminal

and yell "bomb"?

Oh, no, that's his territory.

Wow.
She's really pissed.

You know why you did this?
You're jealous.

You want Melanie.

I don't see Melanie
like that, okay?

Right. You see her naked
on a horse.

It was one dream
in the 9th grade.

Hey, guys.
Just have a seat over there.

I'll be right back.

Who are those guys?

Uh, it turns out Sanjay
is a sex addict,

so I tracked down his support
group, brought them here.

We're gonna stage
an intervention.

Good, because what you did
to him sucked, Steve.

I know,
and I'm gonna make it right.

And you owe me and Owen
some grade "a" punani.

Hey, Steve, I got your message.

Guys, guys...
oh, no. No. No.

Neal, we're here to help.

No, I don't need help.

Are those girls sex addicts?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow.

It's time.

Here?

Yes.

Right now?

Mommy calls the shots.

Woof.

Rawr.

I want to thank everybody
for coming here today.

We're here to get Neal back
on the road to recovery.

Would somebody like to say
something to get things started?

Hi. I'm Owen Walsh.

And I'm Ahmed nassar.

And together...
We're the sex addicts.

Hi, Owen.
Hi, Ahmed.

I'm Hank.
I'm just auditing.

What do you say we fall off the
wagon for, like, five minutes?

Everyone, really.
I'm fine.

In fact, on the way over here,

I hooked up
with this naughty chick

using this new app
called humper.

It's the greatest.

Man, it finds women near you,

and in minutes,
you're doing it.

"Allow humper to use
location services"?

Yes, I do.

Do I allow humper
to access my bank account?

You bet.

Steve, man, you really
don't need to do this, okay?

I'm happy.

If you're happy being Neal,

then why did you sign up for
the group in the first place?

Court-ordered.
Seriously?

Yeah, it was the day
of my grandma's funeral...

Signing in... monsterdong75.

and right when I was supposed
to be giving the eulogy,

I was in the embalming room

banging the funeral director's
wife in a casket.

That sounds like rock bottom.

I did let
my entire family down.

It was the darkest day
of my life.

Sanjay, you... you're back.
This is great.

This is why we're all here.

I degraded myself

right there in that wood casket
with the cushy foam,

scent of mahogany, and those
handles on the outside

that are perfect
for reverse cowgirl.

You know what?
It was awesome.

It was?

Yeah, it was the best sex
of my life.

I-I'm sorry.

Am I talking to Neal
or Sanjay right now?

I think that Neal and Sanjay
have become the same person,

much like my favorite Indian
superhero, captain mukopadhyay

and his mild-mannered
alter ego, raja rija.

This feels right to me.
This... this feels good.

You know, guys, there's
nothing wrong with us.

Let's get back
to our sex-filled lives!

Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!

Guys, guys, guys, I think
we're getting off track here.

I'm so sick
of this 12-step crap.

You know, sex addiction
is bullshit.

Oh, no, no, no.
It's very real.

Oh, when was the last time
you had sex?

Well, this isn't about me.

Steve's right, everybody.
He's right.

We got to get back
on track here.

The casket sex...
I mean, I need to try that.

I had roller-coaster sex once.
It was amazing.

Of course it was,
because it's normal.

We've allowed these people
to make us feel like freaks,

but no more shame.

No more shame!

Who wants to break into the zoo

and have sex in front
of the gorilla habitat?!

Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!

They'll go crazy!
Who's with me?!

This feels better
than I remember.

So...

Exactly how much cash
do you have?

Uh, you just keep walking.

Maybe I'll start talking.

Hey, Jack.

Kinky.

Look, I'm out of here,
so enjoy the knives.

I know you cleared out your
secret account to pay for them,

but you still owe me $48.

So there's no money?

No, but I'm rich in other ways.

I-I have a beautiful wife
and kids.

There is room for a wheelchair
ramp in the bar, right?

Why would we need that,
sweetie?

Hyah!

Aah!

Take care, guys.
Thanks, Steve.

Goodbye, Melanie.

Thank you for everything.

I'm off...

to get off.

Hello. I'm looking
for monsterdong75.

Mom?

Oh, mom.

You ready to get off
the floor, Jack?

Maybe in a few days.

Well, this should
keep you alive.

I'm sorry
I got so pissed off before.

Obviously, that guy
was not a great choice.

But it would be nice
to find someone.

Thanks for looking out for me.

Ah, forget it.

That's what friends do
for each other.

Look, when I wanted
to drop out of law school,

you convinced me to stay.

I mean, I still wish I had,
but, uh, you were there for me.

Yeah, and... and you helped me
break up with bill.

I mean, his computer was more
important to him than me.

Of course, he was the third
employee hired at Google

and is now worth $600 million
in stock options.

But, hey, you were there.

Well, let's not give each other
advice ever again, okay?

- Deal.
- All right.

We've been friends
for a long time, huh?

I know.
It's good.

Yeah.
Yeah, real good.