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1
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,500
(& Air: Sexy Boy)
2
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& Sexy boy
3
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,600
& Sexy boy
4
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:53,000
& Sexy boy
5
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,000
& Sexy boy
6
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,700
& O� sont
7
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,600
& Tes h�ros
8
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:18,400
& Aux corps d'athl�tes?
9
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:24,000
& O� sont
10
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:26,700
& Tes idoles
11
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:32,000
& Mal ras�es
12
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& Bien habill�es?
13
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,700
& Sexy boy
14
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,400
& Sexy boy
15
00:01:55,300 --> 00:02:01,100
& Dans leurs yeux des dollars
16
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,800
& Dans leurs sourires
17
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,900
& Des diamants
18
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,300
& Sexy boy
19
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:27,500
& Sexy boy
20
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,000
& Oh, sexy boy
21
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:44,300
& Oh, sexy boy... &
22
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:50,300
(Man) And that's the problem
with denim over the past few years,
23
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,700
everyone's trying to be postmodern.
24
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,900
Sex...
25
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,900
..muscles, denim, sex...
26
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,900
- lt's the perfect...
- & Sexy boy &
27
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:18,700
l can have a sandwich and a Snickers,
but if l skip the Snickers,
28
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,700
l'm one step closer
to them Caterpillar boots.
29
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:27,600
Here's some news - Mandy said Nicole
Gooch is chasing Christian Hobbs.
30
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:31,600
l said that's so wrong
it makes you look subnormal.
31
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,700
Nicole boned off with that new bloke,
proper couple -
32
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,200
they went to Chinatown on a Thursday.
33
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,500
- She wouldn't look at Christian.
- l'd give him one.
34
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,500
Cos l don't know...
it might be Nicola Blake.
35
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,200
She likes him but she never goes out.
36
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:50,600
Her dad's blind,
she has to sit in and read him books.
37
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,700
Or he's in a wheelchair, l dunno.
38
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,400
l would, though. l'd give him one.
39
00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:00,900
- You'd never!
- Watch me! l'd give him one,
40
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,100
l'd shag him right now in front of you.
41
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,000
l met this bloke called Stuart.
Stuart Jones.
42
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,100
- Had sex.
- No.
43
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,400
Shagged till six in the morning.
44
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,700
What?
45
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,000
Nothing.
46
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,700
- Are you surprised?
- No.
47
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,900
- Why not?
- Dunno.
48
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:24,500
- You never said.
- Just said it, didn't l?
49
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,100
- Are you seeing him again?
- Oh, yeah.
50
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,000
That's brilliant, Nathan!
51
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,000
Yeah, l know.
52
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:36,900
- l'd give him one.
- (Donna) l'd give him one.
53
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,500
'Cept l ain't got one to give him.
54
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,200
(Bell)
55
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,600
- Ooh!
- Whoo!
56
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:57,000
(Sandra) Yeah, we're all going through
with the campaign...
57
00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,500
Brilliant. Erm, one moment.
58
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,700
Excuse me a minute,
l've just got some business.
59
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,300
Down there.
60
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,800
(Mobile)
61
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,300
- What?
- His name's Michael.
62
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,300
Thank you,
but the information is not relevant.
63
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,600
- (Sandra) He's married with kids.
- Aren't they all?
64
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,600
He's on top of me, right.
And he's like, in there.
65
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,600
He's up there.
66
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:39,200
And it's killing me, l'm tellin' ya.
lt's like being stabbed by a stick.
67
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:43,100
And it's fantastic,
it's brilliant, cos it's him.
68
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,900
And he's looking down at me,
l'm right in his eyes.
69
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,500
l can feel him now, l really can, it's like...
70
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,100
lt's like he's left a space. He's still there.
71
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:59,100
Anyway, thank you, Sandra, that'll be all.
The matter is in hand.
72
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,300
'l'll string out the coffee as long as l can.
Good luck.'
73
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,400
Don't need it.
74
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,600
He's coming,
he's coming, because of me.
75
00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,600
And l'm looking up at his face,
it's just amazing.
76
00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:40,400
And he said it, he said he loved me.
77
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,300
And l'm not stupid,
he'd say anything, he was off his face.
78
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,800
But he meant it. Just for that second -
79
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,600
he loved me.
80
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,000
- l don't kiss.
- Yeah, right.
81
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,700
- (Humming)
- (Marcie) Psst!
82
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,700
All right, Marcie.
83
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,300
Have you met Rosalie Cotter,
started Monday?
84
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:37,400
- What about her?
- l can't stick her. She thinks she's it.
85
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,800
l said, ''There's no room for
Jackie Onassis in here.''
86
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:44,700
She's all right. l had to talk her
through the roster. She's nice.
87
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,800
- You think?
- Yeah.
88
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,800
- You think she's nice?
- Yes, l do.
89
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:52,100
Brilliant, cos she fancies yer.
Oh, you'll get on a storm.
90
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,100
ln the pub, end of shift,
l'll have her waiting.
91
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,500
Be there, and brush your teeth. l knew it!
92
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,600
- l was gonna phone for a pizza.
- We had the cheese.
93
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,700
We're going round to Sally Colasanto's,
94
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,700
and l'm staying the night at Donna's.
95
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,800
See ya.
96
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:14,000
- ls that all right with your mum, Donna?
- Like l didn't ask.
97
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:17,500
You're always there.
Your mother should charge him rent.
98
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,900
Thanks for the cheese, bye!
99
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,500
- See ya!
- Bye!
100
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,500
We need a code word.
101
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,600
lf l phone you and say a certain word,
you come and get me.
102
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:30,000
- Think of a word.
- Twilight.
103
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:33,200
l'm supposed to get ''twilight''
into a conversation?
104
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:36,600
- Then don't go.
- Oh, my God.
105
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:39,500
l'm here. Straight pub.
106
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,700
l can't stop, l'm going in.
107
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,900
What's it like?
108
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,700
- (& Country music on jukebox)
- lt's all true.
109
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,200
Everything we've ever been told.
110
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:57,100
Oh, my God!
Everything but flock wallpaper!
111
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,600
Ah, and the people.
112
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,300
There are people talking in sentences
that have no punch line
113
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,400
and they don't even care.
114
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,300
Can you believe it? They've got toilets
in which no one's ever had sex.
115
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:19,100
(Laughs) Vince, it's been
lovely, but goodbye.
116
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:23,900
We'll have a candlelit vigil in
your memory. l'll put a patch on the quilt.
117
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,300
- l've changed my mind. Twilight!
- Tough, the baby's here.
118
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,300
- Hello, Daddy.
- Hello.
119
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,300
What's taken so long?
120
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:38,400
Those women who rob babies from
maternity wards take 30 seconds.
121
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,600
- Thanks.
- Look after him. Bye.
122
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:52,400
Come on, l thought it was going
to be last orders waiting for you.
123
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,100
Hiya.
124
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,300
Oh, that's right.
You two have met already.
125
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,100
- Park yourself, we saved you a seat.
- No, l'll get the drinks.
126
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,200
- Same again?
- Same again.
127
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,200
l'll come and give you a hand.
128
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:08,300
- Oooh!
- (Bob) Go 'head, get in there.
129
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,600
Now, you be careful.
Just for once, take it slowly.
130
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,900
Don't overtake, cut corners, race
131
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:19,900
or take your eyes off the road cos you're
cruising boys on the pavement, OK?
132
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,800
- God, you think l'm such a twat.
- (Engine starts, radio blasts)
133
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,000
(Turns radio off, baby cries)
134
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,300
(Bob) Beam me up, Scotty.
Klingons on the starboard bow.
135
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:49,100
- Your kind of thing, innit?
- Wrong programme, actually.
136
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,300
Oh. What's he called, then?
Stavros. (Chuckles)
137
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,400
- Exterminate, exterminate! (Laughs)
- What was that?
138
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:02,400
Nothing, l just sort of like
science fiction stuff.
139
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,700
Doctor Who?
140
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,400
Yeah.
141
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,900
- l never really watched it.
- Well, no.
142
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:17,100
They moved it opposite Coronation
Street. l mean, you've no chance.
143
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,600
l remember that. '87 to '89.
144
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:23,000
- l taped one and watched the other.
- You watch the Street?
145
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:26,100
- Course l do, yeah.
- Only me Mum's given up on it.
146
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,100
She says it's full of kids.
147
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,600
But it's not true. l mean,
Wednesday it was all Fred Elliott
148
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:34,500
and this past fortnight
it was nonstop Rita.
149
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,000
lt's just not true -
the old ones are just as important.
150
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:41,700
- God, you really watch it, don't you?
- Yeah, l love it.
151
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:48,300
- Why would l stop paying? He's my kid.
- And there's some stuff about insurance.
152
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,500
- lnsurance for what?
- Anything could happen.
153
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:56,100
- Could get run over tomorrow.
- Watch out for a Ford Mondeo.
154
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,800
(Romey) And you could get ill.
155
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,900
l mean, l'm not starving or penniless
156
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,900
but, if you were out of work,
l'd need something.
157
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,900
lt's for Alfred, not me.
158
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,600
- Why would l get ill?
- lt covers anything.
159
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,000
- Like what?
- (Romey) Anything.
160
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,400
We're not talking mumps, Stuart.
161
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,100
You were tested, but ten months ago.
162
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,200
- 40 weeks ago, 280 one-night stands...
- All right!
163
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,700
(Romey) lt's for Alfred, really it is.
164
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,200
We've got to be sensible.
165
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,700
- Fine, whatever you want.
- (Baby moans)
166
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,100
- Course l'll have to run it past a solicitor.
- l've done that already.
167
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,000
- And is he any good?
- Yeah, l'm fully qualified, thanks.
168
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,900
(Romey) You don't mind then?
169
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,400
lt's...fine.
170
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,900
Fine.
171
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,900
The fucking bastard cunts!
172
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,900
First they want my money,
then they want me dead.
173
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,400
You've got to come out,
you're my friend.
174
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,400
l'm sort of busy.
175
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,600
She's really nice.
176
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:09,000
For fuck's sake, tell her you take it
up the arse and get out of there!
177
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,400
lt's my friend, his mother's in hospital.
178
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,700
(Horn blares repeatedly)
179
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,400
lt's the exact opposite of childbirth.
180
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,300
First you have the baby,
then you get fucked.
181
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:43,100
ln some parallel universe,
l just met my wife.
182
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,500
See that lot in school, all those couples -
183
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:52,700
Robert Coles, Cathy Broderick, that lot -
half of them's never done it.
184
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,600
Robert Coles was saying, he's desperate.
185
00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,600
They have a snog
and a bit of a thing and that's it.
186
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,700
He goes home and has a wank.
Town, please.
187
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,900
They're just kids,
they're just talking. l'm doing it.
188
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,700
l'm really doing it!
189
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,100
l'm doing it.
190
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:31,100
(& Full Frontal: You Think You're A Man)
191
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,900
& Turn around
192
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,400
& Stand up like a man
and look me in the eye
193
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,300
& Turn around
194
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,900
& Take one final look
at what you've left behind
195
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,600
& Then walk away
196
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:46,900
& From the greatest lover
you have ever known
197
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,800
& Yes, walk away
198
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,900
& You're telling me
that you can make it on your own
199
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,500
& By yourself, all alone, without my help
200
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,700
& Mister, you just made a big mistake
201
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,300
& You think you're a man
but you're only a boy
202
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,600
& You think you're a man,
you are only a toy... &
203
00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:08,800
l bet all those lesbians queue up
at her breast to drink milk.
204
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:13,500
Of course, you know why they chose me.
Cos l'm rich and handsome as fuck.
205
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,500
She said so, that fucking Lisa.
206
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,900
l'm just a gene pool to them,
l'm just spunk.
207
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,300
Now, him with the collar.
He went out with Jason Black.
208
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:27,000
Burst into tears, said his mother had
died on the Herald Of Free Enterprise.
209
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:30,900
Two days later, she turns up.
She's been walking the Peak District.
210
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,000
- Mad as a moose.
- Do single mothers get benefits?
211
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:37,700
Or have they stopped that?
l bet you they've stopped that.
212
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,700
Ho-ho! Stand by your beds!
213
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,200
Have you seen, have you seen...
12 o'clock.
214
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,600
- Shit!
- Behave, Stuart, behave.
215
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:52,600
- (Phil) What?
- The chicken has landed.
216
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,000
His name's Nathan, all right?
217
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,500
- Hiya.
- Hi.
218
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,600
- How's the baby?
- Ask my solicitor.
219
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,000
- Nathan, do you want a drink?
- Coke, please.
220
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,600
& Where are the men?
221
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:20,600
& Oh, yeah
222
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,100
& Get on outta here!
223
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,500
& You think you're a man
but you're only a boy
224
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,100
& You think you're a man,
you are only a toy
225
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,700
& You think you're a man
but you just couldn't see... &
226
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,700
Oh, no, you don't.
227
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,400
& All together now, the ladies... &
228
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:45,700
First time we came here we were 16.
Older than him.
229
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,900
How long before
anyone talked to us? Ages.
230
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,600
Go on, be nice to him.
But l don't mean shag him.
231
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,900
Oh, give me some credit.
232
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,700
On the other hand,
he is quite sweet, isn't he?
233
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,700
l don't know, l haven't licked him.
234
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,300
& ..of the Court of King Caractacus
were just passing by
235
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,300
& The noses on the faces
of the ladies of the harem
236
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,300
& Of the court of King Caractacus
237
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,500
& Were just passing by
238
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,500
- & Now, the noses... &
- Just in time, look at the twat in the hat.
239
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,000
- & ..were just passing by... &
- (Stuart) She needs locking up.
240
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:22,100
- Some people have no shame.
- She's like a mong.
241
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:28,200
- That's Vince's mother.
- lmagine if it was. A mong like that.
242
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,500
- Vinnie! Vinnie!
- Mum!
243
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,000
Vinnie!
244
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:37,400
- Just be careful next time.
- l don't mind. She's off her head.
245
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,900
We don't see much
of your mother down here, Stu.
246
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,100
ls she still waiting
for Golden Boy to get married?
247
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,700
My mother would kill me
if she knew l was here.
248
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,100
When they had that lesbian wedding
in Emmerdale, my mum just turned it off.
249
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,800
That's not homophobia,
that's good taste.
250
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:58,100
You fucked him, so he's your
responsibility. Don't go swanning off.
251
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,100
Everyone's having a go at me.
252
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:05,200
l have to live with me every day so
l know l'm lovely, l'm completely lovely.
253
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,300
- Danny, how's Peter?
- Still dead.
254
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,900
Oh, shit. Sorry, forgot. Whoops!
255
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:17,400
& Oh, aha, make it magnificent
256
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:22,500
& Tonight
257
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,900
& Right... &
258
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,800
l should try London -
l've had everyone here.
259
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,700
- l'm haunted by that problem.
- You haven't had me.
260
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,300
Er, there was the once.
261
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,700
- No, when?
- We were in his room,
262
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,500
it's not long after l came over here,
so we're about 14 or 15
263
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,500
- and Vince has got the Radio Times...
- Don't tell this story!
264
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,200
We come to a photo
where we both go ''Phwoar!''
265
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:51,000
And it was Barry Sheene on his bike.
266
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,100
ln his leathers. God, l'm shamed.
267
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,500
lt wasn't even black leather,
it was red and cream.
268
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,900
We're going, ''Cor, look at him,''
and groping ourselves.
269
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,700
- Vince gets it out. Not bad, either.
- Oh, fuck off.
270
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:09,300
So l'm giving him a wank, nice and slow,
looking down at Barry Sheene.
271
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,400
- Oh, God, you've had each other!
- No.
272
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:14,300
l'm unzipping
when his mother comes back in
273
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,200
and he jumps up
and puts it back in his trousers.
274
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,000
- That was it!
- lt's not sex if you don't come.
275
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:22,100
When Sheene broke his legs,
276
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,200
Vince buys a card from WH Smith
and sends it to ''Barry Sheene, London.''
277
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:30,900
- He was the saddest man on earth.
- Barry Sheene? Showing your age.
278
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,100
- How old are you?
- (Stuart) How old do you think l am?
279
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,300
33?
280
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,200
- Fuck off!
- What?
281
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,500
- l'm 29.
- (Phil) Not for much longer.
282
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,800
You'll be in the bladder control
clinic in six months.
283
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:46,400
Better go for a piss while l still can.
284
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,100
- (Vince) l've only got three months left.
- Yeah, but you don't count.
285
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,700
(Engine roars, horn blares)
286
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,800
- (Man) Fuck off, you twat!
- (Tyres squeal)
287
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:02,500
(& Trance techno)
288
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,500
We always get stuck with the Nathans.
289
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,900
This is typical Stuart.
l'm not cleaning up his mess.
290
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,400
- l'm not wasting tonight on a little boy.
- Oh, so he's my problem.
291
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,700
Stuart's your problem, sorry.
292
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,700
Me luck's in.
Dave the Builder. Don't mind me.
293
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,100
- You don't fancy him.
- l need shelves putting up.
294
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,500
& ..l've heard them all before
295
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,600
- & A hundred times or more... &
- He always does this.
296
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:32,400
He never stays in one place.
297
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:45,100
(Modem bleeping)
298
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,800
Here's one.
299
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,800
Well, turn your light off then!
300
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,900
You'll be all right, won't ya?
lt's only half ten.
301
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,300
You'll get in Donna's, won't ya?
302
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,500
Look...he's not your boyfriend.
303
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,200
He... He just doesn't think.
304
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:24,400
He has a laugh. He...
305
00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:28,600
He's never had a boyfriend.
He doesn't do boyfriends. He's...
306
00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:31,800
Nathan, he's a cunt.
307
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,300
He doesn't give a toss about anyone.
308
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,000
Ah, finally.
309
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,100
That'll get you home.
310
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,500
You slag him off, yeah?
311
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,200
But then you follow him round
all the time.
312
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:55,100
- We go back years.
- You're friends with a cunt.
313
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,400
- Yeah.
- Never got to finish that wank, did ya?
314
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,600
All right, chicken, fuck off home.
315
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,900
Oh, yes.
316
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,700
(Computer bleeping)
317
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:34,300
Only me, Mum.
318
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,600
Oh, give us a beer, love.
Look at me, sweating like a pig.
319
00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:41,600
He's a wanker though, Stuart.
320
00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:45,900
- Every time he does it, l get stuck.
- What shift are you on tomorrow?
321
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:50,600
We need a hand with these boxes.
Pied Piper have been nagging for these.
322
00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:55,400
- Have you seen? Been upgraded.
- They're de luxe, with jewellery inside.
323
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,300
Look, l nicked one. lt's metal, it's nice.
324
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:02,700
You don't get these in newsagents.
No, they're in Kendals, this lot.
325
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:07,100
Vince, you couldn't shift some
of your gear in the bedroom, could you?
326
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:11,300
- l'm sort of permanent now.
- The Odd Couple, they call us next door.
327
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,400
l said more of a dogs' home -
waifs and strays.
328
00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:17,900
- l wanna put me plants in. Do you mind?
- No.
329
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,100
l've been meaning
to give you some space.
330
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,800
- Thanks, Vince, you're a star.
- (Hazel) What's Stuart done this time?
331
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,900
Nothing.
332
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:30,900
(Buzzer)
333
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,400
Come on up.
334
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,000
Here y'are.
335
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,600
l'm not buying this coffee again,
it's like dust.
336
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,900
lt's still your room. He's just the lodger.
337
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,600
Anything for the car-boot sale,
shove it on the landing.
338
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,500
(Knocking)
339
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,100
No, you can't do this, Nathan.
l won't have it. Go home.
340
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,300
- l just want to talk.
- l said go.
341
00:25:55,100 --> 00:25:58,100
l know you don't want to,
and l'll go in a minute
342
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,800
- but can't l sit here for a bit?
- Shit.
343
00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:06,300
Aye aye, the door was open.
Your neighbour was, er...
344
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,000
- What's this about?
- No, he's just going.
345
00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:11,400
- l'm busy, OK?
- lt's not a threesome, is it?
346
00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:13,700
No. ls it?
347
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,200
- No.
- l don't mind.
348
00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:18,000
- He's a bit young.
- Who's he?
349
00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,700
Nathan, this is...
350
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,300
This is Goodfuk.
351
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,300
- The name's Colin.
- Colin Goodfuk.
352
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,500
- You don't even know him.
- l met him on the internet.
353
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:34,900
Now, l'm going to take Goodfuk inside
and check out that name, so run along.
354
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:45,800
- Sorry about that. He's my stalker.
- How old is he?
355
00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:49,700
- Dunno. 15?
- What's he doing? Walking home?
356
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,900
This time of night?
357
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,200
All right.
358
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:08,500
There's whisky by the fridge and there's
porn by the telly. Shelf underneath.
359
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,700
And don't you rob anything.
360
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,900
Hey, d'you mind?
361
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,700
l've just left my flat in the hands of
Goodfuk the stranger, so don't run off.
362
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,100
l'll get you a cab.
363
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,000
Everyone has a go at me. Everyone.
364
00:27:38,100 --> 00:27:41,400
Just call it a lesson learnt.
Don't show up at my...
365
00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:44,400
Yeah, yeah, it's on account.
Stuart Jones.
366
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,800
Number 42601 . Home address, yeah.
367
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:51,300
Quick as you can. Cheers.
368
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:56,200
You'll have anyone.
He's nothing, he's no one.
369
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:58,300
He's... He's ugly.
370
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,400
l was there. l was there all night
and l really like you.
371
00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:05,200
- He doesn't even know you.
- Nathan.
372
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:09,100
l've had you.
373
00:29:00,700 --> 00:29:03,700
- l thought l'd get ready.
- Yeah.
374
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,700
Maybe not, eh?
375
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,900
Maybe not what?
376
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,700
- Some other time.
- Oh, thanks for nothing.
377
00:29:14,700 --> 00:29:17,100
Fucking hellfire.
378
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,700
What a waste of time.
379
00:29:21,900 --> 00:29:24,100
l didn't have to come here, y'know.
380
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,400
l had lots of offers.
381
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,500
Thought l was on a promise.
382
00:29:30,300 --> 00:29:33,200
l never promised anyone anything.30032
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