Original subtitles

What are you doing?

In movies, when actors go underwater,

I like to hold my breath to see if I'd survive.

Okay, well, in that case, I recommend watching

Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.

( exhales loudly )

KC, I just spoke with the Organization,

and it look like you're getting a new partner for your next mission.

I don't need a new partner, okay?

I am a strong, smart, independent, self-sufficient woman who can stand on her own.

Well, he's supposed to be the real deal.

Wait, he's a he?

It's about time I got a new partner.

- So what's his name? - Dexter.

- How old is he? - Around 18.

- Oh? Long hair, short hair? - Short hair.

Okay, short hair, don't care.

What's his cuteness level?

Adorable.

Score!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

The last thing we need is a repeat of Brett Willis.

The Organization is not your own personal dating service.

Hey, look, I have relationship goals.

Like, to have one.

So when do I get to meet him?

Actually, he is here now.

Oh, Dexter.

Uh, please tell me my new partner has a dog.

Your new partner is a dog.

Meet Dexter.

Told you he was adorable.

'Sup, dog?

Try to keep it professional, KC.

Oh, when danger comes for you

You know I'll stand beside you

'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool

I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire

Don't tell nobody, tell nobody

I'm not perfect

So many things I wanna tell you

But I, I, I, I keep it undercover

Livin' my life, no way to learn

Doin' my thing, gonna make it work

Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless

But I always got your back

Nobody can do it like I can

I gotta find out who I am

Ain't got to worry about me

It's all part of the plan

I keep it undercover.

I keep it undercover.

- ( barking ) - Shut up, okay?

Look, Marisa, I know you're hurting about the breakup with Bobby,

but we knew this was coming.

And by we, I mean everyone in school but you.

( barking )

Would you shut up, please?

Sorry, Marisa. I wasn't talking to you.

Look, all I'm saying is,

there's someone better out there for you.

- ( barking ) - Hey, enough is enough.

Bark one more time, I will make you sorry you were ever born.

You know what, Marisa?

I'm gonna call you back, all right? Okay.

Hey, let go of my shirt.

Let go. This is my favorite shirt.

The dumb dog hates me.

Why would you say that?

Because he purposely knocked over my science project

and broke it, he's been pushing me around,

and he just stole my favorite shirt.

Is this some kind of punishment?

Because no self-respecting person works with a dog,

unless you're a fireman, or a sheep herder.

Or a taxidermist.

( Dexter barks )

KC, Dexter isn't just a dog.

He's a top-level agent for the Organization.

Now, your mission is to bust up a ring of criminals

who are smuggling dangerous and illegal fireworks

and selling them on the black market.

Why's it always gotta be the black market?

Why can't it be the pink market?

Or the green market?

As I was saying...

not only can Dexter sniff out the fireworks,

but he can also sniff out liars.

Know what else can sniff out a liar?

- What? - A lie detector.

And it doesn't steal your shirt.

Okay, all right, you two are off to a funky start.

I suggest that you spend some time together,

and earn each other's trust.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

We can start by going to the mall and getting me a new shirt,

right after he's done fertilizing the flower bed.

Come on, man!

Yeah, I think we're gonna need a bigger bag.

Oh, no, honey. You gonna need a bigger bag.

That's your partner.

Mom, can we just move?

Okay, I know your dad's too cheap to buy you a car,

but are you riding a horse to school?

( forced laughter )

This is Dexter.

An emotional support dog.

Oh, thank goodness you are here.

Bobby dumped me for Anna, and I feel like such a fool.

And you look like one, too.

Girl, get up.

He is my partner on a mission.

We're supposed to bond together

but he's practically untrained.

Really? Sit, boy.

Lie down.

Sit up.

Pick me out a new look for summer.

Nice choice, Dexter. Up top.

( clears throat )

As usual, you know how to talk to boys and I don't.

Eight ball, corner pocket.

Oh, what the heck. All balls, all pockets.

Hold on to your puffs, Judy,

'cause I have got a surprise for you.

If it's you asking me to do your math homework for you again,

it's not a surprise.

I was going through my room,

and I found these great dolls that I have outgrown,

and since my parents refuse to give me

a little sibling of my own to pass them down to--

something about learning from their mistakes--

I thought I would give them to you.

Oh, wow.

That's so nice of you.

These dolls are amazing.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

I am just glad they found a good new home.

Yep, they found a good new home.

In the landfill.

Look, Mom, I tried to get along with Dexter.

I really did try, but he is impossible.

You know the phrase "my dog ate my homework"?

He literally ate my homework.

And everybody else's in history class.

And then, he decided to fertilize my foot,

out of nowhere.

I'm pretty sure it came out of somewhere.

And the worst part is,

I know he did it on purpose.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

KC, do you hear yourself?

Yes, I just said, I hate him,

I hate him, I hate him.

Okay, you're right. You're right.

This is ridiculous. I'm fighting with a dog.

No, you're fighting with an agent.

Do you think I get along with every agent I get partnered with?

Like Beverly or your father?

Yeah, but I don't need him.

I said the same thing.

And 20 years later, here we are.

Look, Mom, I have an informant who will give me

all the information I need about the illegal fireworks.

I can take them down without Dexter's help.

Let's not forget, I am the one who single-handedly

taught Dad how to Nae-Nae.

Okay, right now, it's just one Nae, but we're working on it.

KC, the Organization assigned you to Dexter.

So like it or not, you need to work with him on this mission.

Not!

You gave me an option, like it or not.

I choose not.

Judy, just came to see how you're getting along

with my old dolls.

Where are they?

Over there.

In the trash can?

You threw away my dolls?

No. I threw away my dolls.

But you can have them back if they mean so much to you.

No, no, I don't want them back.

I just want you to play with them.

And possibly just text me pictures with funny captions

so I can see what they're up to,

and how much you love them.

Like, for instance, Samantha.

She was the first woman to shop on Mars.

And this hot tub.

I saved my tooth fairy money for over a year to buy this.

I even pulled out two adult teeth

so I could afford the one with the working jets.

That's right. Caps.

I will never eat corn on the cob again,

but my dolls' wet and wild spring break was legendary.

Legendary!

How could you just throw all this away?

They're boring.

Plus, I imagined them screaming in horror

as I closed the trash lid, and it really made me laugh.

( evil chuckling )

Boring?

If you think that these dolls are boring,

then you must not be using them right.

I mean, these dolls entertained me my whole life.

To be fair, staring at the ceiling fan entertains you.

Are you listening?

I'm sorry. What?

All right, my informant said the illegal fireworks

are being stored in here. We're going in.

Wait. Shouldn't we wait for Agent Dexter?

- I left him in the van. - You what?

I left him in the van. What?

I rolled down the windows and left the radio on.

What can I say, the dog likes smooth jazz.

But the whole point was to use the dog

to sniff out the fireworks.

Ernie, will you forget the dang dog?

Look, the Organization has been solving cases

without the help of the animal kingdom

since the beginning of time.

Actually, the Organization was founded--

Ernie, that is not the point!

Can we please forget Dex Doggy Dog?

I got this. This is my get.

Let's go.

Nobody move!

There's nobody in here.

Just like your last birthday party all over again.

Looks like you got some wrong information, KC.

Oh, really? What do you call that?

Just like my informant said,

the fireworks are in here.

Doesn't look very firework-y to me.

That's because the fireworks are...

hidden inside of these phony antiquities.

Obviously, they're not gonna put the fireworks in the top one

in case it gets searched.

That would be just dumb.

We're dealing with high-class criminals here, people.

A very high-class criminal.

I have never seen a higher class of criminal.

Call me crazy,

but I'm starting to think those are real antiquities.

Please. If these were real antiquities,

then this packing slip would say that...

"Smithsonian Institute. Ancient Egypt Exhibit.

Fragile. Priceless and irreplaceable."

Well, can I get a five up top

for cracking the case of the missing Egyptian antiquities? Yeah.

KC, your behavior was inexcusable.

By cutting Dexter out of the mission,

you broke the agents' code of conduct.

Conduct? What about his conduct?

Dexter's the one gettin' busy with the pillow over there.

See, this is the problem.

You've never taken Dexter seriously.

You treat him like a dog, and he's a ranking agent.

And a Mr. Fuzzy Pants.

Who's a Mr. Fuzzy Pants?

You are. You are.

Look, Mom, so I destroyed a few ancient artifacts.

There's gonna be new ancient artifacts.

In 5,000 years, this will be an ancient artifact.

You wanna call the Smithsonian now

and tell 'em it's gonna be a while or should I?

Mom, it's not like you've never made a mistake before.

Letting that silo in Zurich explode,

or shooting that Monrovian dignitary.

Oh, having Ernie.

If you had just brought Dexter in with you

to meet your informant, Dexter would've alerted you

that your informant was lying.

Mom, it's not my fault, okay?

I tried to get Dexter to come in, but he wouldn't do it.

- ( barks ) - Lie!

And what about the warehouse?

If you had brought Dexter,

he would've sniffed the crate of artifacts

and told you there was no contraband.

Again, Mom, Dexter refused to get out of the van.

( barks )

Lie, and an obvious one.

We were there, and we know that isn't true.

I'm telling you, the dog doesn't like me.

No lie there.

Honey, I'm sorry, but you're off the case.

What are you talking about?

I have no choice.

Dexter filed a formal complaint against you.

He's a dog. He doesn't have thumbs.

How did he file a complaint?

I filed a grievance on his behalf.

I don't want his stellar reputation sullied

by your terrible behavior.

Well, who's in charge of the mission now?

I am, and unlike you, I am excited to be working

with an agent of Dexter's caliber.

Aw, good for you.

Don't forget to sniff his butt while you're down there kissing it.

( high-pitched voice ) I'm getting ready for the prince's ball.

I'm getting ready for an important software conference

in Toledo.

Um, no, you're getting ready for the prince's ball,

so you can meet a handsome suitor.

Um, no. I wanna focus on my career

so I can buy my own condo.

( normal voice ) Judy, I told you,

it is more fun if they go to the same place.

But besides, Marguerite has to go to the ball

because she is the prince's girlfriend.

Not anymore, she's not.

The prince is breakin' up with her. It's over.

I like Pamela and her eye

for lucrative, income-generating investment properties.

That is not even what he sounds like.

If you can't play with my dolls the way that they are meant to be played with,

then maybe you don't deserve them.

I am taking my dolls, and I am going home.

Finally. I thought I'd never get rid of her.

It's okay, Pam. You've outgrown Marguerite.

While she's all yakkin' about princes, shoes, and hot tubs,

you're gonna be the first sister president

in the Oval Office.

Okay, I've tracked the suspicious shipment

to a warehouse off Riggs Road.

We'll check it out tonight, because unlike KC,

I really am your partner.

We're like Batman and Robin, Bert and Ernie,

- Turner and Hooch. - ( barks )

- No, you're Hooch. - ( barks )

- No, you are. - ( barks )

No, you are.

Paw bump.

That's my dog.

Will you please get that tail-chasin',

big stinky bag of fleas out of the kitchen?

I'm reviewing the mission with him.

I was talking to the dog.

No wonder he complained about you.

You have a terrible attitude.

Yeah, well, you have a terrible face.

Your comebacks are even worse than your attitude.

I need some chips for my sandwich.

KC, what did you do to my sandwich?

Nothing!

Oh, well, it didn't just suddenly grow feet

- and walk out of here. - Dexter ate it.

Oh, please.

He did, I swear. He ate it.

- ( barks ) - You're lying.

Who are you gonna trust, some dumb dog or your dumb sister?

I mean, your sister. Look, I saw him.

I saw him eat the whole thing, and you know what?

Now he's tryin' to make me look bad.

( barks )

So first he's not smart enough to be your partner,

and now he's a sandwich-stealing mastermind?

Get it together, KC.

Get it together.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, Dexter.

Okay, the fireworks have to be in here.

( whining )

You found it. Good job, boy.

Keep checking the other crates.

That's right.

I completed the mission that KC couldn't.

Time to capture this one for posterity.

One more? Funny faces this time.

Uh-oh.

- ( barking ) - What?

Congratulation. You have a hologram collar.

( barking )

Look, I really don't have time for this, okay?

I happen to be typing

a little formal complaint about you.

I find it highly inappropriate that you show up to work naked.

Wait a minute, is that... Ernie's phone?

Are you with Ernie?

- ( barks ) - Is Ernie in danger, boy?

- ( barks ) - Okay, are you guys at the warehouse?

- ( barks ) - I'll go contact the Organization,

meet you there, and you keep an eye out for Ernie.

( barking )

Hey, look, I am not happy about this situation either,

but you know what? I'ma need you to watch your language.

Hey, boss, the boat is pulling up now.

All right, start loading these crates.

And then load this guy.

We'll dump him overboard when we hit open seas.

Okay, man, when this is over,

we really need to discuss your dog breath.

Your breath is hurtin' my feelings, bro.

All right, let's get this guy on the boat and get outta here.

( whining )

- Where'd this dog come from? - Maybe he's lost.

Hey, look, he really likes you.

Can we keep him, boss?

KC: Dexter, here, boy.

Oh, Dexter, there you are.

Bad doggy.

I'm sorry.

He just does not listen to a thing I say. Watch.

Sit.

See, he doesn't listen to anything I say.

I had the same problem with my dog.

Have you tried lowering your voice to sound more authoritative?

Oh, really? Does that work?

Did with my poodle.

Are you kidding me right now?

Look, I don't care about you or your dumb dog. Take it and get outta here.

No, no, no. He's not dumb.

There is one trick he does know how to do. Ready?

Okay. Okay, Dexter. Go ahead.

Rip his face off.

( whining )

( stifled yell )

Whoo hoo!

Hey, man, you don't wanna do that.

We can talk about this. There's gotta be a way out.

Not for you, there's not.

MAN: Freeze! Drop the gun. Now!

( whimpering )

It's okay, Dexter. I got you.

Thanks, Ernie.

You know, I'm really glad the Organization let Dexter recuperate here.

It's been nice bonding with him.

I'm just sorry he couldn't stay longer.

Isn't that right, Mr. Fuzzy Pants?

( knocking on door )

Well, it looks like this is it, Agent Dexter.

I'm really sorry about all those bad things I said about you.

To be honest, I guess I'm just not really a dog person.

Well, I'm not really a person person.

But you know what? We did make a good team.

Yes, we did. Yes, we did.

All right, you know what?

We're really gonna have to talk about that doggy breath.

You literally ate everything in this house

except for mints.

All right, come on.

( whimpering )

Wait. Before you go, I wanna give you

a little something to remember me by.

Lookin' good.

I love you. I'm gonna miss you.

I love you, I love you.

I thought you were gonna keep it professional this time, KC.

This is Brett Willis all over again.

Rob, your name's on TV.

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