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1
00:00:04,734 --> 00:00:07,767
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:21,234 --> 00:01:23,400
LOUIE:
Okay, listen up here!
3
00:01:23,434 --> 00:01:24,901
Listen up, everybody.
4
00:01:24,934 --> 00:01:27,767
I'm upstairs getting
chewed out by the boss
5
00:01:27,801 --> 00:01:29,901
because of your lousy bookings.
6
00:01:29,934 --> 00:01:32,400
Now, I don't want
to embarrass anybody
7
00:01:32,434 --> 00:01:35,734
but Nardo, $41.
8
00:01:35,767 --> 00:01:36,801
Hmm?
9
00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:39,400
Banta, $52.
10
00:01:39,434 --> 00:01:40,601
When I was a driver,
11
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,167
I was ashamed
to show my face in the garage
12
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,400
if I had less
than a hundred dollars.
13
00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:46,567
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
14
00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:47,734
What I wouldn't give
15
00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:50,400
for a garage
full of Louie De Palmas.
16
00:01:50,434 --> 00:01:51,567
Hey, Louie, do us a favor.
17
00:01:51,601 --> 00:01:52,667
Don't give us that speech
18
00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:54,534
about how great a driver
you were. Please.
19
00:01:54,567 --> 00:01:56,000
What are you, embarrassed,
Banta?
20
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:59,200
You should be ashamed to be
in the same garage with me.
21
00:01:59,234 --> 00:02:03,167
I'm ashamed to be in the
same species with you.
22
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,334
Funny, Nardo.
23
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:09,834
What I need are cab drivers.
24
00:02:09,868 --> 00:02:13,167
What I got are a bunch
of Jan Murrays.
25
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:17,567
I could get in this cab
right now and outbook anybody.
26
00:02:17,601 --> 00:02:20,300
Sure, Louie, if you say so.
27
00:02:20,334 --> 00:02:23,634
You don't think so, Wheeler?
28
00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:26,100
Uh, as a matter
of fact, I don't.
29
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:27,267
Then try me.
30
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,634
Call my bluff.
31
00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:32,234
Okay, you're on.
32
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:34,901
You want a showdown, then
a showdown you're gonna get
33
00:02:34,934 --> 00:02:37,067
if it's the only thing
that's gonna shut your mouth.
34
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,567
Man-to-man, one-on-one,
35
00:02:38,601 --> 00:02:40,400
you against Alex.
36
00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,234
Hey, he's our best
booker, right?
37
00:02:44,267 --> 00:02:46,367
And I say
he can outbook you
38
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,868
anytime anywhere.
39
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:48,868
Hey, Bob, Bob...
40
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:50,501
Alex, can you stay
out of this, please?
41
00:02:50,534 --> 00:02:52,467
Now, if you're not gonna
accept the challenge,
42
00:02:52,501 --> 00:02:54,968
then you'd better shut your
mouth about how good you are.
43
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,067
Get that finger
out of my face.
No.
44
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,634
( screaming )
45
00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:01,534
That's my hand! My hand!
46
00:03:02,968 --> 00:03:06,601
Uh, now... now that we've
all calmed down a little,
47
00:03:06,634 --> 00:03:08,834
can I say something
here, huh?
48
00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:14,534
Look, I don't like saying this
in front of him, but, uh,
49
00:03:14,567 --> 00:03:17,234
well, I was here when Louie
was a driver and, uh,
50
00:03:17,267 --> 00:03:20,100
well, he's telling the truth
about how good he was.
51
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,701
He brought in
a lot of money.
52
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:25,501
I think we better
put this to music.
53
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,634
Hey, Alex, hey,
you can't back down.
54
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,934
I really believe
you can beat him.
55
00:03:32,968 --> 00:03:35,033
Look, it's not a matter
of beating him.
56
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:37,434
I-I-I just don't like
the idea, that's all.
57
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,834
This is our chance
58
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:41,167
to humiliate
the little creep.
59
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,501
I like that idea.
60
00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:44,300
No, no, look I...
forget it.
61
00:03:44,334 --> 00:03:49,000
Rieger's got more brains
than to tangle with De Palma.
62
00:03:49,033 --> 00:03:51,801
I don't blame him
for chickening out.
63
00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:53,000
Now, Louie!
64
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:56,467
Now, don't start
on this, Louie!
65
00:03:56,501 --> 00:03:57,901
I get involved
with things like this,
66
00:03:57,934 --> 00:03:59,400
I, uh, go a little crazy,
67
00:03:59,434 --> 00:04:00,767
and I don't like myself
like that.
68
00:04:01,801 --> 00:04:03,434
Hey, Louie, Louie, look.
69
00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:05,501
Can I talk to you
for a minute? I, uh...
70
00:04:05,534 --> 00:04:07,167
Look, Louie,
I-I've never tried
71
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,968
to talk to you
man-to-man before,
72
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,834
but, uh,
or even as a human being,
73
00:04:10,868 --> 00:04:13,367
but let me try right now.
74
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,868
Look, uh...
75
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,501
it-it's taken me a long time
76
00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:19,033
to, uh, get over
competitiveness in my life
77
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,100
and, well,
I think I finally did it
78
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:24,234
and, uh... well, I like it
that way, you understand?
79
00:04:24,267 --> 00:04:26,801
And, uh... okay?
80
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,467
So let's just-let's just
forget this, all right?
81
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:31,133
Huh?
82
00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:32,434
All right, Alex.
83
00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:33,501
I understand.
84
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:35,300
Thanks, Louie.
85
00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:37,601
( Louie clucks like chicken )
86
00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:41,901
( clucking )
87
00:04:44,934 --> 00:04:46,934
( clucking continues )
88
00:04:46,968 --> 00:04:49,667
LOUIE:
Hey, any eggs
in here, Jeff?
89
00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:51,234
No.
( clucking )
90
00:04:51,267 --> 00:04:52,734
There're a lot of
chickens around.
91
00:04:52,767 --> 00:04:54,167
Louie!
92
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,167
Louie!
93
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,100
You cluck one more time,
just one more time,
94
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,701
I'm going to take you up
on that silly little contest,
95
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:04,467
and I'll beat you, Lou.
96
00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:22,167
( clucking loudly over P.A. )
97
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,968
( clucking )
98
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,667
( clucking )
99
00:05:30,667 --> 00:05:31,901
You're on!
100
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,300
Great!
101
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,901
Okay, tomorrow night,
Alex versus Louie
102
00:05:36,934 --> 00:05:39,801
for the driving championship
of the garage--
103
00:05:39,834 --> 00:05:41,467
King Cabbie!
104
00:05:41,501 --> 00:05:43,200
( cheering )
105
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:44,267
Tomorrow night?
106
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,067
What's wrong
with tonight?
107
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:48,601
If we're doing this thing,
let's do it right now.
108
00:05:48,634 --> 00:05:50,200
The sooner the better, Rieger.
109
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:51,367
All right.
110
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,901
Jeff, fetch my badge.
111
00:05:52,934 --> 00:05:54,400
( cheering )
112
00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:55,834
Latka!
113
00:05:55,868 --> 00:05:57,868
Are these two cabs
ready to go out?
114
00:05:57,901 --> 00:05:58,601
Yes, they are, Louie.
115
00:05:58,634 --> 00:05:59,601
Ibida!
116
00:05:59,634 --> 00:06:00,834
Ibida.
117
00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:02,000
All right.
118
00:06:02,033 --> 00:06:04,367
I know this is the biggest bet
I ever made in my life,
119
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,067
but I think my friend, Alex,
will win.
120
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,634
I got a hundred bucks
says Alex beats you.
121
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:08,801
I'll cover that.
122
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:09,901
You got it.
Anybody else here
123
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,767
want to prove
they're as dumb as Banta?
124
00:06:11,801 --> 00:06:12,801
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
125
00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:14,801
All right, I'll
cover it all.
126
00:06:14,834 --> 00:06:17,200
Jeff, collect
that money.
127
00:06:17,234 --> 00:06:19,968
All right...
128
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,501
I'm going to do this thing
in style.
129
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,200
Feast your eyes
on a money-making machine.
130
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,200
Okay, I'm ready!
131
00:06:32,234 --> 00:06:33,734
All right.
The winner's the guy
132
00:06:33,767 --> 00:06:36,000
who brings in the most money
in eight hours.
133
00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:37,000
Right, right.
134
00:06:37,033 --> 00:06:38,234
What are the rules?
135
00:06:39,534 --> 00:06:41,334
There are no rules.
136
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,868
Makes it hard to cheat.
137
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:47,267
( growls )
138
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,868
Good luck, Alex.
139
00:06:50,901 --> 00:06:52,167
Thanks, Elaine.
140
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,701
I-I just know
you're gonna win.
141
00:06:53,734 --> 00:06:55,467
You know, if I had
any extra money,
142
00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:56,501
man, I'd bet on you.
143
00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:57,701
Aw, thanks.
144
00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:59,100
I'll cover that.
145
00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:02,234
No, Louie, I don't have
any extra money this week.
146
00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:03,501
My rent's due, and I gotta...
147
00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:06,467
You got something better
than money, Nardo--
148
00:07:06,501 --> 00:07:08,000
your self-respect.
149
00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:11,801
Let's say you and I make
a little side wager:
150
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:14,734
if I win this contest,
we go out together.
151
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,801
Oh... never.
152
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,734
Never, never, never,
153
00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:20,133
never, never, never.
154
00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:21,367
Good luck, Alex.
155
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,167
Hold on, Nardo.
156
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:27,467
Let's talk turkey here.
157
00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:28,767
Uh, let's hear it.
158
00:07:28,801 --> 00:07:31,434
Uh, what's a date
with you worth?
159
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:34,300
Five hundred dollars.
160
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:36,934
Five hundred dollars?
161
00:07:36,968 --> 00:07:37,901
Mm-hmm.
162
00:07:37,934 --> 00:07:42,200
The best date of my life
only cost me 20.
163
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:45,200
And that included the room
and the closed-circuit TV.
164
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,200
I knew that would shut him up.
165
00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:50,901
You're on.
166
00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:55,067
Shall we shake on it?
167
00:07:57,634 --> 00:07:58,601
( bell dinging )
168
00:07:58,634 --> 00:08:00,868
Okay, gentlemen,
start your engines.
169
00:08:01,901 --> 00:08:03,467
LOUIE:
Nardo!
170
00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:05,000
My colors.
171
00:08:05,033 --> 00:08:06,701
( yells )
172
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:11,234
( engines starting )
173
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:15,667
Okay, now, is everybody ready?
174
00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,467
Yeah, ready, ready.
175
00:08:17,501 --> 00:08:18,901
Okay-- Alex?
176
00:08:18,934 --> 00:08:20,801
Ready when
you are, Latka.
177
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,000
Okay.
178
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:24,968
On your mark...
179
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,734
get set...
180
00:08:28,767 --> 00:08:32,267
one for the money...
181
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:35,100
two for the show...
182
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:37,434
one potato, two potato...
183
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:39,834
Latka, we're running
out of gas here!
184
00:08:39,868 --> 00:08:41,100
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
185
00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:42,100
Go!
186
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:45,367
( cheering )
187
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,200
BOBBY ( over radio ):
Alex, Alex.
188
00:09:01,234 --> 00:09:03,367
Louie just got his eighth fare.
189
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,267
Eight fares in one hour?
190
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,934
Eight fares in one cab.
191
00:09:07,968 --> 00:09:09,434
How you doing?
192
00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:10,934
You know how I'm doing.
193
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,501
I had one fare,
and the guy stiffed me.
194
00:09:13,534 --> 00:09:15,734
Uh-oh,
oh, I think I see somebody.
195
00:09:21,501 --> 00:09:22,634
Let's go, girls.
196
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:23,834
Where are we going?
197
00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:24,834
Hello there.
198
00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:25,834
Hi.
199
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:26,834
Where to?
200
00:09:26,868 --> 00:09:27,934
We're going
to the movies.
201
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,901
Could you be a little bit
more specific?
202
00:09:30,934 --> 00:09:34,300
Oh, well, we haven't decided
what movie to see yet.
203
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:36,667
I wanted to see
The Muppet Movie.
204
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:37,400
Perfect choice.
205
00:09:37,434 --> 00:09:39,234
I can't stand
that little frog.
206
00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:42,400
I want to go to a revival
of, uh, The Sound of Music.
207
00:09:42,434 --> 00:09:44,767
One of my favorites--
Sound of Music.
208
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,601
We've seen it 12 times.
209
00:09:46,634 --> 00:09:48,334
No, no. You can't see that one
too many times.
210
00:09:48,367 --> 00:09:50,100
Look, uh, please, uh,
I don't mean to be rude,
211
00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:51,434
but I'm in kind of a hurry
tonight,
212
00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:52,901
so can you make your decision,
please?
213
00:09:52,934 --> 00:09:54,133
You got to pick last time.
214
00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:56,033
And I made an
excellent choice.
So, what?
215
00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:57,534
ALEX:
Girls, girls,
girls, come on.
216
00:09:57,567 --> 00:09:59,200
Nuns, nuns,
Sisters, Sisters...
217
00:09:59,234 --> 00:10:00,367
Look, now, Sisters,
218
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,934
look, I'm a nice guy,
I really am,
219
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,567
and I'm gonna hate
myself tomorrow,
220
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:05,701
but I'm trying to win a
contest here tonight,
221
00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:06,934
and I-I would really wish...
222
00:10:06,968 --> 00:10:08,200
Would you get out of my cab?
223
00:10:08,234 --> 00:10:09,434
Get out of the cab, please.
224
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:10,534
No, please, both of you.
225
00:10:10,567 --> 00:10:13,200
Get out of the cab.
Please, out!
226
00:10:13,234 --> 00:10:16,567
What am I doing?
227
00:10:16,601 --> 00:10:19,400
I'm turning
into Louie De Palma here.
228
00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:20,501
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
229
00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:21,868
Get back in, get back in.
Come here.
230
00:10:21,901 --> 00:10:24,000
I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I lost my head.
231
00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:25,400
Uh, please, forgive me.
232
00:10:25,434 --> 00:10:26,734
That's all right.
233
00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:28,067
Look, uh, please,
I-I'll take you
234
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,267
anywhere you want to go.
235
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:30,868
Just tell me, where
do you want to go?
236
00:10:30,901 --> 00:10:31,868
Your choice.
237
00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:33,400
Well, anywhere but
The Sound of Music.
238
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:34,734
What's wrong with
The Sound of Music?
239
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,234
I do not want
to see that movie...
240
00:10:36,267 --> 00:10:37,701
Pick a movie!
241
00:10:37,734 --> 00:10:38,868
Muppets!Muppets!
242
00:10:38,901 --> 00:10:39,968
Muppets.
243
00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:49,868
Hey, everybody,
I just broke 40 bucks.
244
00:10:49,901 --> 00:10:51,901
BOBBY:
Louie just topped a hundred.
245
00:10:51,934 --> 00:10:53,267
Hundred bucks?
246
00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:54,501
Wow.
247
00:10:55,534 --> 00:10:57,400
Hi, there,
where you going?
248
00:10:57,434 --> 00:11:00,067
( speaking Chinese)
249
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:03,000
Oh, no, no, excuse me,
no, please, um...
250
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:05,334
Wait a second,
now, um...
251
00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:06,334
English?
252
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:07,334
Do you speak English?
253
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,501
Eng-li-shi...?
254
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,000
Oh! ( chuckles )
255
00:11:10,033 --> 00:11:11,667
( speaking Chinese)
256
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:12,968
No, no, no, no.
257
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,334
( loudly ):
Where do you want to go?
258
00:11:15,367 --> 00:11:16,868
Why am I talking so loud?
259
00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:18,167
( speaking Chinese )
260
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,033
No, no, that's Chinese.
I only speak...
261
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,534
Oh, oh, that's-
that's clever.
262
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:23,701
Okay, I know where
that is. Good.
263
00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:25,767
( speaking Chinese )
264
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,534
( mutters in Chinese )
265
00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:30,234
( speaking Chinese )
266
00:11:31,267 --> 00:11:32,868
Oh, my God.
267
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:35,267
Hey, don't you listen
to Karl Malden?
268
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,901
( speaking Chinese )
No, no, no.
269
00:11:36,934 --> 00:11:38,734
Look, look, I don't
need this much money.
270
00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,167
I-I...
271
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,901
You don't know that, do you?
272
00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:46,033
I could take everything you got.
273
00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:47,033
Wow!
274
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:48,901
There's more money here
than I need.
275
00:11:48,934 --> 00:11:52,200
More to... I could beat
a whole herd of Louies.
276
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:54,467
Hey, uh, you don't mind
if I rob you blind,
277
00:11:54,501 --> 00:11:55,968
cheat you of
all your money,
278
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,901
and, uh, make you
penniless, do you?
279
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:00,434
( speaking Chinese)
280
00:12:03,701 --> 00:12:04,901
ALEX:
Elaine, hello?
281
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:06,868
ELAINE ( sleepily ):
Yes, Alex.
282
00:12:06,901 --> 00:12:08,367
Oh, listen, I think
I need your help.
283
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,501
I, uh, have a Chinese
gentleman in my cab
284
00:12:10,534 --> 00:12:12,400
who doesn't speak
a word of English,
285
00:12:12,434 --> 00:12:14,534
and I think he's just
in from Hong Kong,
286
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,734
and he's a little confused
about our currency.
287
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:18,934
I mean, he's trying to
give me what looks like
288
00:12:18,968 --> 00:12:21,334
900 bucks
to go on a two-mile trip.
289
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:22,534
ELAINE ( over radio ):
All right!
290
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,868
Well, I guess it's
a tough choice.
291
00:12:26,534 --> 00:12:28,367
Oh, uh...
292
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,167
Here we are, sir.
293
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,200
That's where
you want to go.
294
00:12:32,234 --> 00:12:34,534
Well, uh...
295
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:36,067
that about covers
it, I guess.
296
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,234
( speaking Chinese )
297
00:12:38,267 --> 00:12:39,567
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
298
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:41,434
No, thank you
very much, no.
I don't want...
299
00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:43,834
No, please...
300
00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:46,267
( speaking Chinese )
No, no, sir.
301
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:47,734
Look, no, no,
I can't take that.
302
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,901
No, no, no, sir, I can't...
I can't even take this.
303
00:12:49,934 --> 00:12:53,567
Look, uh, you, uh...
I take you on short ride.
304
00:12:53,601 --> 00:12:56,400
You give me much money...
305
00:12:56,434 --> 00:12:57,567
for short ride.
306
00:12:57,601 --> 00:13:00,567
Now I'm talking like Tonto.
307
00:13:00,601 --> 00:13:04,534
Tonto-- Hi-ho, Silver!
No, no...
308
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:07,868
I... I can't take it.
I can't take it.
309
00:13:07,901 --> 00:13:09,868
Here, that's for you.
310
00:13:09,901 --> 00:13:12,734
This is enough.
This is for me, see?
311
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:17,501
Just five-- five bucks.
312
00:13:17,534 --> 00:13:20,267
Oh...
313
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,100
( speaking Chinese)
314
00:13:23,133 --> 00:13:25,200
Yeah.
315
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:31,868
ELAINE:
Alex?
316
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,167
Yeah, Elaine?
317
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,501
You didn't take the money,
did you?
318
00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:39,868
No, I didn't, Elaine.
319
00:13:39,901 --> 00:13:42,901
But I did learn something
about myself tonight, Elaine.
320
00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:44,634
No matter how competitive
I might be,
321
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:47,300
when it comes right down to it,
there's a quality in me
322
00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:49,567
that prevails over everything,
let me tell you.
323
00:13:49,601 --> 00:13:51,300
Your stupidity.
324
00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:53,934
You got it.
325
00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:06,467
( humming )
326
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:07,734
MAN:
Hey, driver.
327
00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:09,033
Oh, yeah.
328
00:14:09,067 --> 00:14:10,934
That's the U.N.
329
00:14:10,968 --> 00:14:12,801
Oh, so it is.
330
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:15,801
This is the second time
we've passed it.
331
00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,801
I didn't want you
to miss it.
332
00:14:17,834 --> 00:14:19,968
You're trying
to run up this fare.
333
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,467
You're crazy.
334
00:14:21,501 --> 00:14:22,734
No, I'm not.
335
00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:25,033
I'm Inspector Ryan,
New York Taxi Commission.
336
00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:26,434
Pull it over.
337
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:30,100
I'm writing you out
a summons, mister.
338
00:14:30,133 --> 00:14:32,000
Let me see your hack license.
339
00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:33,167
There!
340
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,167
Is that your full name--
Tony Banta?
341
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,167
Yeah.
342
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,834
Hey, this sure doesn't look
like your picture.
343
00:14:41,868 --> 00:14:43,834
It was taken
when I was sick...
344
00:14:43,868 --> 00:14:45,234
and stupid.
345
00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:50,534
I didn't see
any ID from you...
346
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:52,033
big guy.
347
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:53,234
Here you are.
348
00:14:55,133 --> 00:14:56,200
Are these your kids?
349
00:14:56,234 --> 00:14:57,367
Yep.
350
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,501
Reminds me of a chimp act
I once saw.
351
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,367
You know,
I'm going to see to it
352
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,467
that you never drive
a cab in this city again.
353
00:15:07,501 --> 00:15:09,067
( mutters mockingly )
354
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:11,667
In fact, I'm going
to confiscate your license.
355
00:15:11,701 --> 00:15:13,834
Eh.
356
00:15:13,868 --> 00:15:17,300
Now, get this hack right back
in the garage, Banta.
357
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:20,734
Give my regards, and a banana,
to your family.
358
00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:22,334
You know, I'm going to love
359
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:24,567
seeing you hung out to dry,
wise guy.
360
00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:34,934
Bobby Wheeler,
reporting for duty.
361
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:44,567
BOBBY:
Alex: $106.40!
362
00:15:44,601 --> 00:15:48,701
De Palma: $147.
363
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:54,601
Look, Alex,
you've only got another hour
364
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:56,067
and you're way behind.
365
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,133
ALEX:
Oh, now I'm being hailed down
366
00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:01,801
by a little old lady
with eight bags of groceries.
367
00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:03,067
Oh, no, Alex,
she'll take forever.
368
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:04,300
You-you'll have
to carry her bags
369
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:07,100
and she'll only want to go
a couple of blocks.
370
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,501
Aw, forget it--
this contest is over.
371
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:12,334
Besides, she's waving
her vegetables at me.
372
00:16:13,501 --> 00:16:16,133
I'm afraid
I've got lots of bags.
373
00:16:16,167 --> 00:16:17,667
Yeah, I'm afraid
you do, too.
374
00:16:17,701 --> 00:16:19,634
That's all right.
I'll-I'll load your...
375
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:21,300
I'll load your
groceries for you.
376
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:23,501
I hope
this won't put you out.
377
00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:24,667
Not at all.
378
00:16:24,701 --> 00:16:25,901
Here you go.
379
00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:28,167
These groceries
are for my friends.
380
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,367
They can't get around
as well as I.
Ah-hah.
381
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,534
Now, that one is for Ethel,
who lives in the Bronx.
382
00:16:34,567 --> 00:16:36,033
Bronx, huh?
Mm-hmm.
383
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:39,300
And those are for Cora
384
00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:40,834
who lives in Brooklyn.
385
00:16:40,868 --> 00:16:42,834
Brooklyn, huh?
Mm-hmm.
386
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,701
And that's for Virginia
out on Long Island.
387
00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:46,033
Long Island?
388
00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:47,367
Mm-hmm.
389
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,000
And who is this for?
390
00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,000
Oh, those are mine.
391
00:16:50,033 --> 00:16:51,334
And where do you live?
392
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:52,834
I live in New Jersey.
393
00:16:52,868 --> 00:16:54,000
New Jersey?!
394
00:16:54,033 --> 00:16:56,367
I hope you have
a lot of gas.
395
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,400
Well, if I run out,
I'll push.
396
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,601
( laughs )
397
00:17:08,501 --> 00:17:10,000
LOUIE:
It can't be.
398
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:11,634
It is.
399
00:17:11,667 --> 00:17:14,434
The De Palma luck strikes again.
400
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,834
2120 Ninth Avenue in Brooklyn.
401
00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:28,000
Mm.
402
00:17:29,734 --> 00:17:33,501
Just one thing
could make this perfect.
403
00:17:33,534 --> 00:17:36,000
This is my first time
in New York.
404
00:17:36,033 --> 00:17:37,534
That's it.
405
00:17:45,701 --> 00:17:47,067
Um...
406
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,200
( clears throat )
407
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,000
It'll be $22.50, please.
408
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:55,234
No, it's not.
409
00:17:58,033 --> 00:17:59,300
What are you talking about?
410
00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:02,300
I've been counting
the clicks on the meter.
411
00:18:02,334 --> 00:18:03,767
Clicks?
412
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:06,133
It now reads
exactly six dollars.
413
00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:09,133
You're a very
dishonest person.
414
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:11,133
I think I'd better
warn you--
415
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:14,300
I happen to be a very
big, muscular guy.
416
00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:19,000
Then you must be talking
out of your belly button.
417
00:18:19,033 --> 00:18:21,200
Here's your six dollars.
418
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,734
You got a lot of nerve
419
00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:25,834
calling yourself
handicapped!
420
00:18:29,701 --> 00:18:31,501
BOBBY:
Okay, Alex, Louie, time's up.
421
00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:33,000
Bring 'em in.
422
00:18:41,033 --> 00:18:42,167
What's with her?
423
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,767
She hasn't said a word
in three hours.
424
00:18:45,801 --> 00:18:48,567
Okay, Jeff,
Louie's total is $212.30.
425
00:18:48,601 --> 00:18:50,601
( cabbies murmuring )
Ooh!
426
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:55,133
Well, Elaine...
427
00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:02,634
You don't mind me
calling you Elaine?
428
00:19:04,968 --> 00:19:07,934
Don't think
I can't be tender.
429
00:19:07,968 --> 00:19:13,100
Sure, I play the
tough guy sometimes...
430
00:19:13,133 --> 00:19:19,133
but I think
you'll find that...
431
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:21,234
underneath I can be...
432
00:19:21,267 --> 00:19:24,968
warm...
433
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,334
and thrilling.
434
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,968
And, yes...
435
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,334
a little vulnerable.
436
00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:40,501
Would it spoil this moment
for you if I threw up?
437
00:19:43,701 --> 00:19:46,167
Hey, Louie, you haven't won yet,
you know.
438
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,167
Come on, count this up.
439
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,167
Ooh, yeah.
440
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,701
Oh, oh, Tony,
lie if you have to.
441
00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:53,801
One ninety-seven.
442
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,133
( shouts happily )
443
00:19:55,167 --> 00:19:57,200
( humming )
444
00:19:58,701 --> 00:20:00,000
* He wins, he wins!
445
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,234
Nyah!
446
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,200
Hey, listen, folks,
I'm sorry.
447
00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:05,234
I, uh, I did my best.
448
00:20:05,267 --> 00:20:07,033
I...
Nyah!
449
00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:08,367
Hey, Alex.
450
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,467
Hey, Alex, you did great, man,
and I'll tell you
451
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,367
I think you're taking
this loss really well.
452
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,701
Thanks, Tony.
453
00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:16,501
Get your hands off me.
454
00:20:16,534 --> 00:20:18,033
Hey, what's that?
455
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:19,367
My tips.
456
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,400
Well, uh, uh,
don't tips count?
457
00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:22,734
I don't know.
458
00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:24,901
Hey, we said the
guy who brings in
the most money wins
459
00:20:24,934 --> 00:20:26,501
and tips are money.
460
00:20:26,534 --> 00:20:27,901
Oh, that's right!
I-I've seen them.
461
00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:30,567
I know that for a fact--
it's money.
462
00:20:30,601 --> 00:20:31,734
LOUIE:
Oh, no.
463
00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:32,934
No, no. Tips
don't count!
464
00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:34,901
It's what's on the meter
that counts.
465
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,334
We never said
tips don't count, Louie.
466
00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:39,234
We never said they do, either.
467
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,734
Hey, hey, listen,
468
00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:43,567
if I'd have thought for a second
that tips counted,
469
00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:46,567
I could've pulled in
more than...
470
00:20:46,601 --> 00:20:48,133
80 cents.
471
00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:52,901
Admit it, Louie,
80 cents is a record for you.
472
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,267
You must be more nauseating
on the road
473
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:57,767
than you are in the garage.
474
00:20:57,801 --> 00:20:59,767
Okay, I got
40 bucks here!
475
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,868
( cheering )
I got you beat,
Louie!
476
00:21:01,901 --> 00:21:03,534
No, no, no!
477
00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:05,367
No, Rieger,
tips don't count!
478
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,100
( all yelling at once )
479
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,501
Hold it!
480
00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:11,601
( whistling loudly )
481
00:21:11,634 --> 00:21:12,601
Hold it!
482
00:21:12,634 --> 00:21:13,968
Now, listen,
we all got
483
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,834
something at stake
here, right?
484
00:21:15,868 --> 00:21:17,667
Now, the only
fair thing to do
485
00:21:17,701 --> 00:21:19,868
is get, like, an
objective bystander
486
00:21:19,901 --> 00:21:22,200
you know, to-to
settle the question.
487
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:23,634
Somebody who didn't
bet on the race.
488
00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:24,968
LOUIE:
Everybody bet
on this race.
489
00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:26,534
Tips don't count.
490
00:21:26,567 --> 00:21:28,300
Not everybody.
491
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,701
You want a bite?
492
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,701
Latka.
493
00:21:43,734 --> 00:21:44,901
Latka who loves me.
494
00:21:44,934 --> 00:21:46,234
That's right.
495
00:21:46,267 --> 00:21:47,868
Latka who fears me.
496
00:21:47,901 --> 00:21:49,033
Right.
497
00:21:49,067 --> 00:21:51,601
Latka who owes his job to me.
498
00:21:51,634 --> 00:21:52,734
Yes.
499
00:21:52,767 --> 00:21:55,100
Good, old, impartial Latka.
500
00:21:55,133 --> 00:21:56,434
Now, hold it right there, Louie.
501
00:21:56,467 --> 00:21:57,767
You can't threaten Latka's job.
502
00:21:57,801 --> 00:21:59,601
Now, look, I'm willing
to let Latka decide,
503
00:21:59,634 --> 00:22:00,934
and I'll stand by it,
504
00:22:00,968 --> 00:22:02,634
but if you put
this kind of pressure on him,
505
00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:04,267
this whole fiasco's off,
you understand?
506
00:22:10,367 --> 00:22:12,033
Okay, Latka.
507
00:22:12,067 --> 00:22:14,067
( grunts softly )
508
00:22:17,033 --> 00:22:20,033
No... no... no pressure.
509
00:22:26,534 --> 00:22:29,234
Decide away.
510
00:22:29,267 --> 00:22:31,701
Come on, Latka,
is it Alex or Louie?
511
00:22:33,901 --> 00:22:35,534
Be impartial,
Latka. Impartial.
512
00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:36,968
Okay.
513
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,067
Well...
514
00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:42,701
I tell you...
I tell you something.
515
00:22:42,734 --> 00:22:44,868
You know, I... I do love Louie.
516
00:22:44,901 --> 00:22:47,000
And Louie loves Latka.
517
00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:49,033
Thank you
very much.
518
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,868
And I, also,
I do love Alex, too.
519
00:22:53,901 --> 00:22:55,868
And Alex loves Latka.
520
00:22:55,901 --> 00:22:57,167
Yeah, she's right.
521
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,868
Thank you very much.
522
00:22:58,901 --> 00:23:02,334
You know, this... this is
a wonderful place to work.
523
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,367
Thank you very much.
524
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,167
Get over here!
525
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,400
And decide!
526
00:23:10,434 --> 00:23:11,400
Decide what?
527
00:23:11,434 --> 00:23:13,634
About... about the contest!
528
00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:14,634
Oh.
529
00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:16,133
Why, what is the question?
530
00:23:16,167 --> 00:23:17,901
Do tips count?
531
00:23:17,934 --> 00:23:19,000
Oh, of course they do.
532
00:23:19,033 --> 00:23:21,234
( cheering )
533
00:23:34,667 --> 00:23:38,834
( taunting Louie )
534
00:23:38,868 --> 00:23:40,200
All right,
all right
535
00:23:40,234 --> 00:23:41,400
listen up here.
536
00:23:41,434 --> 00:23:44,100
Okay, listen up here
for a second.
537
00:23:45,434 --> 00:23:48,567
I just want to say one thing.
538
00:23:49,901 --> 00:23:51,934
I hope you all die.
539
00:24:01,601 --> 00:24:04,434
( theme music playing )
540
00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:30,167
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
541
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,534
( grunts )
36398
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