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1
00:00:03,267 --> 00:00:06,434
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:20,133 --> 00:01:21,300
Here you go, Louie.
3
00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:22,400
I got any messages?
4
00:01:22,434 --> 00:01:23,434
Yeah, right here.
5
00:01:23,467 --> 00:01:25,133
Oh, good.
Here's your buck.
6
00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:27,901
Here you go.
7
00:01:29,968 --> 00:01:32,767
Oh, boy. Terrific.
8
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:33,968
Bad news?
9
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,467
I got a commercial.
10
00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:37,501
Uh, Bob, forgive my ignorance,
11
00:01:37,534 --> 00:01:39,167
but, uh, I mean, I realize
12
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,501
I don't know
much about show business,
13
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:42,667
but isn't getting a job
14
00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:43,901
supposed to be
the good part?
15
00:01:43,934 --> 00:01:46,801
It's just a local commercial
for some suntan lotion.
16
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:49,000
Hey, Alex, this is not
17
00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:50,400
what I wanted to do
with my life or my career.
18
00:01:50,434 --> 00:01:53,300
I didn't get this job
because I'm a good actor.
19
00:01:53,334 --> 00:01:56,200
I got it because I happen
to be a fairly great-looking guy
20
00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:58,267
who even looks better
with a tan.
21
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:02,300
You sure you're not
just being humble?
22
00:02:02,334 --> 00:02:04,767
You know, I'm going
to call my agent
23
00:02:04,801 --> 00:02:07,434
and tell him I don't do
any more junk.
24
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,634
LOUIE:
Latka!
25
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,067
Latka!
What?
26
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:12,701
I got a message
for you here.
27
00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:13,901
Oh, okay.
28
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,167
You know the rules.
What?
29
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,734
It'll cost you.
30
00:02:17,767 --> 00:02:19,267
Oh, okay.
31
00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:23,868
Here I go.
32
00:02:25,801 --> 00:02:28,501
What the hell is this?
33
00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:29,968
It's a kebel.
34
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,801
What's a kebel?
35
00:02:32,834 --> 00:02:38,467
Well, it take 270 kebel
make a lifnitsch.
36
00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:41,133
What's a lifnitsch?
37
00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:47,300
Eh, 130 lifnitsch make a matta.
38
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,501
Okay, so what's a matta?
39
00:02:49,534 --> 00:02:51,467
I don't know nothing.
What's a matta with you?
40
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:59,200
I, you know... I, you know...
41
00:02:59,234 --> 00:03:02,667
I-I read it
on the bubble gum wrapper.
42
00:03:02,701 --> 00:03:05,334
Shut up or you're fired.
43
00:03:05,367 --> 00:03:06,801
Okay, I'm sorry.
44
00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:09,801
I was just pulling your yaktabe.
45
00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,167
That's better.
46
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,300
Thank you
very much.
47
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:17,400
Well, this is
the garage, Steve.
48
00:03:17,434 --> 00:03:19,400
This is the dispatcher's cage.
49
00:03:19,434 --> 00:03:20,767
That guy in there?
50
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:21,901
The dispatcher.
51
00:03:21,934 --> 00:03:23,033
He's mean.
52
00:03:23,067 --> 00:03:24,234
Come on.
53
00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:25,734
Here you go, Lou.
54
00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:28,234
What do you think
you're doing, B.B. Brain?
55
00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:29,501
See what I mean?
56
00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:31,968
I was just showing Steve
around the garage.
57
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,968
Steve Jensen,
Mr. Louie De Palma.
58
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,067
Hi.
59
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:37,033
Get lost, yokel.
60
00:03:37,067 --> 00:03:39,868
God, I love New York.
61
00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:41,801
Come on, I want you
to meet the others.
62
00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:44,801
Hey, guys, this is Steve Jensen.
63
00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:45,868
This is Elaine Nardo.
Hi.
64
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:46,868
And this is Alex Rieger.
65
00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:47,868
Hi. Good to see you.
66
00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:48,901
That's Bobby over there
67
00:03:48,934 --> 00:03:50,200
on the phone.
68
00:03:50,234 --> 00:03:51,767
Come on, you can sit in my seat.
69
00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:54,467
Hey, I just picked Steve up
at the bus station
70
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:55,767
and guess what?
What?
71
00:03:55,801 --> 00:03:58,067
I find out he wants
to be an actor.
72
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,501
BOTH:
Oh, yeah?
73
00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:01,334
Yeah. So I thought
I'd introduce him to Bobby.
74
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:02,901
You know, he just got into town
today.
75
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:04,200
Uh-huh.
76
00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:05,934
Some luck, huh?
Hmm?
77
00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:07,400
I mean, what are the chances
78
00:04:07,434 --> 00:04:09,634
of a guy coming to New York
to be an actor
79
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,200
and first thing
he meets a guy like me,
80
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:12,300
who knows a guy like Bobby,
81
00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:14,133
who wants to be an actor too?
82
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:17,267
What are the chances
of that?
83
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,267
50-50?
84
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,400
At least.
85
00:04:21,434 --> 00:04:22,734
Well, I set him straight.
86
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,501
You really
told him, huh?
87
00:04:24,534 --> 00:04:26,400
Well, not exactly.
I had to leave a message.
88
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,868
The guy's never there.
89
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,734
Hey, Bobby,
this is Steve Jensen.
90
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:32,601
He just got into town today,
and guess what?
91
00:04:32,634 --> 00:04:34,200
He wants to be an actor.
92
00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:35,534
Oh-oh, yeah?
93
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,901
Yeah. So I told him
I'd introduce you guys.
94
00:04:37,934 --> 00:04:39,901
You know, you could
give him some help, some advice.
95
00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:42,467
You want some advice
on being an actor, kid?
96
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,400
Forget it.
That's my advice.
97
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:45,901
It's not worth it.
98
00:04:45,934 --> 00:04:48,934
The only thing you get
out of acting is heartache.
99
00:04:48,968 --> 00:04:51,300
It will eat you up,
it will spit you out.
100
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:52,901
It's a dog's life, man.
101
00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:54,100
It stinks.
102
00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:57,267
Does that help at all?
103
00:04:57,300 --> 00:05:00,234
Uh, Steve,
Steve...
104
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,934
you have to forgive Bobby.
105
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,000
He's really not in love
with acting right now.
106
00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:08,834
He just got cast
in a television commercial.
107
00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:10,033
Oh, really?
108
00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:11,033
Yeah.
109
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:12,501
You're a professional, then.
110
00:05:12,534 --> 00:05:15,601
Oh, yeah, and this part
is really challenging too.
111
00:05:15,634 --> 00:05:18,601
I play the only guy
at a party without a tan.
112
00:05:18,634 --> 00:05:21,200
Who cares? I mean,
the point is you're working.
113
00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:24,234
Yeah, I... I suppose.
114
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,100
Look, you still want to learn
about being an actor?
115
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:32,567
Yeah.
116
00:05:32,601 --> 00:05:33,767
Fool.
117
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,868
Follow me.
118
00:05:35,901 --> 00:05:39,033
Hey, we're going to split.
See you later, okay?
119
00:05:39,067 --> 00:05:40,834
Thanks.Have a good time.
Okay. See you, Steve.
120
00:05:40,868 --> 00:05:42,634
Come on, I'll introduce you
to my agent
121
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:45,234
and then you can introduce me
to my agent.
122
00:05:49,734 --> 00:05:52,000
Hello, Louie?
123
00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:53,334
What?
124
00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:56,634
I hate to bother you,
but your handwriting is bad.
125
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:58,534
I can't... read it.
126
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,868
So what is this word?
127
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:03,534
Is it "brafla" or "bratla"?
128
00:06:03,567 --> 00:06:05,234
What's the difference?
129
00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:07,701
If it's "brafla,"
I have to kill a man.
130
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,801
I think it's "bratla."
131
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:15,300
Oh, good, good.
132
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:18,167
Now I won't need
the rest of the day off.
133
00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:27,534
Hey, Tony, is the side
of your face swollen?
134
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:29,701
Oh, could be.
I had a little accident.
135
00:06:29,734 --> 00:06:30,934
What happened?
136
00:06:30,968 --> 00:06:32,234
I leaned out of the cab
137
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,567
to tell this guy he was an idiot
138
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,067
and I forgot
to roll the window down.
139
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,434
Hey, anybody seen
Steve yet today?
140
00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:43,501
No. I thought
he was at your place
141
00:06:43,534 --> 00:06:44,501
till he got
his own apartment.
142
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:45,834
Yeah, he is, only he left
143
00:06:45,868 --> 00:06:47,868
before I got off of work
this morning.
144
00:06:47,901 --> 00:06:49,734
I introduced him to my agent
145
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:51,367
and I was just wondering
how it was going.
146
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,734
Oh, that first day
must really be rough, huh?
147
00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:55,033
You're telling me.
148
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:57,100
When those agents and producers
149
00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:59,334
start slamming doors
in your face,
150
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,801
a few hours could seem
like a lifetime.
151
00:07:01,834 --> 00:07:04,000
I told him I'd take him out
for a drink and talk to him.
152
00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:05,467
I figure he might need it,
you know?
153
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:09,234
Well, uh... I guess I got to go.
154
00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:10,601
ALEX:
Hey, Bob.
155
00:07:10,634 --> 00:07:11,901
Yeah?
156
00:07:11,934 --> 00:07:13,033
That commercial...
Yeah?
157
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:14,100
Have fun.
158
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,834
Thanks. I'll try.
159
00:07:16,868 --> 00:07:18,000
See ya.
160
00:07:18,033 --> 00:07:19,701
Bobby?
Yeah?
161
00:07:19,734 --> 00:07:22,267
You're doing
a commercial today?
162
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,334
I want you to have this.
163
00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:25,834
Aw.
164
00:07:25,868 --> 00:07:27,100
What is it?
165
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:28,934
It's goat droppings.
166
00:07:28,968 --> 00:07:32,567
Oh, hey, well, thanks, Latka.
167
00:07:32,601 --> 00:07:33,868
Thanks a lot.
168
00:07:33,901 --> 00:07:36,434
Is this good luck charm
in your country?
169
00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:37,968
No.
170
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,234
Then, uh, why are you
giving it to me?
171
00:07:41,267 --> 00:07:42,667
I don't want it.
172
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,033
Hey, you know, the way
Bob's taking care of Steve,
173
00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:52,868
you got to hand it to him.
174
00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:54,100
I know.
175
00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:55,901
Hey, Bobby's
a great guy, man.
176
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,334
Before you name a church
after him,
177
00:07:58,367 --> 00:08:01,033
might I point out
one little detail.
178
00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:02,300
What's that?
179
00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:04,801
Wheeler's garbage
and you all know it.
180
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:07,601
Hey, Louie, Louie,
why do you dislike Bob so much?
181
00:08:07,634 --> 00:08:09,667
He doesn't respect
my leadership.
182
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:10,834
What are you talking about?
183
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,734
He's like
everyone else here.
184
00:08:12,767 --> 00:08:13,868
He fears you.
185
00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,234
He pays you bribes.
186
00:08:15,267 --> 00:08:16,534
He hates you.
187
00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,234
Don't stick up for him.
188
00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:19,634
You believe this?
189
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,868
Hey, Steve, Bobby's
looking for you.
190
00:08:24,901 --> 00:08:26,601
Hey...
191
00:08:26,634 --> 00:08:28,000
you okay?
192
00:08:28,033 --> 00:08:29,734
I think so.
193
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,434
ELAINE:
Hey, are you sure?
194
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,000
I'm okay.
195
00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:34,601
ALEX:
You want to talk
about it?
196
00:08:34,634 --> 00:08:37,200
There's not much to say, really.
197
00:08:37,234 --> 00:08:39,501
I got a job.
198
00:08:39,534 --> 00:08:40,734
No kidding?
199
00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:43,133
Bobby's agent sent me
on this audition.
200
00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:44,300
I got it!
201
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:47,033
We open off Broadway
in eight weeks!
202
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:48,367
Congratulations!
203
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,701
Yeah, from me, too.
204
00:08:49,734 --> 00:08:50,934
What's the part?
205
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:52,367
I'm playing Romeo.
206
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,634
Romeo?!
207
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:54,734
In what?
208
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:57,567
In Romeo and Juliet.
209
00:08:57,601 --> 00:08:59,167
Hey, I heard of that.
210
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:03,567
You must be
some fantastic actor.
211
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:04,767
I mean,
Bobby's been trying
212
00:09:04,801 --> 00:09:05,901
for a break
like this for years.
213
00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:08,033
Oh, God.
214
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:09,634
You know, he's right.
215
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,901
Bobby could be
shattered by this.
216
00:09:11,934 --> 00:09:13,100
I never thought
about that.
217
00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:14,200
Yeah.
218
00:09:14,234 --> 00:09:16,901
So who gets to break
the bad news to him?
219
00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:19,067
I'll tell him.
220
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,734
No, that's all right.
221
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:22,000
We'll tell him.
222
00:09:22,033 --> 00:09:23,767
Why do you get to?
223
00:09:23,801 --> 00:09:27,334
Listen, this is going to be
very painful for you guys.
224
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,968
It won't bother me.
225
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,400
In fact,
I might even find some way
226
00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:33,834
to get a little enjoyment
out of it.
227
00:09:33,868 --> 00:09:36,334
Louie, why would
anyone go out of
his way
228
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,434
to deliver awful,
depressing news
229
00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:40,033
to another
human being?
230
00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:41,367
Kicks.
231
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,868
Oh, I see.
232
00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:45,534
Come on, you guys.
233
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:48,200
You don't know how much
this means to me.
234
00:09:48,234 --> 00:09:49,868
It's a dream come true.
235
00:09:49,901 --> 00:09:51,534
Excuse me for saying so,
236
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:54,367
but I think I deserve
a break like this.
237
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,868
Louie, you know, you're
making a fool of yourself.
238
00:09:56,901 --> 00:09:58,267
I know,
and I don't care.
239
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,200
This is a once
in a lifetime shot.
240
00:10:00,234 --> 00:10:03,133
All I'm asking
is one lousy little favor.
241
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,767
Let me break the bad news
to Wheeler.
242
00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:08,367
I'll do it... I'll do it
in four words.
243
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,734
ALEX:
Now look, Louie...
244
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:11,467
I'll do it
in three words.
245
00:10:11,501 --> 00:10:12,701
Make it one word.
246
00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:14,434
Is "super-loser"
one word?
247
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:15,901
Louie, stop!
248
00:10:15,934 --> 00:10:18,200
Now, we're going to
do it in our own way.
249
00:10:18,234 --> 00:10:19,767
You got it?
250
00:10:19,801 --> 00:10:20,868
Okay, okay.
251
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:21,934
You got me.
252
00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:23,501
All right.
253
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,734
All right.
You deny me the pleasure
254
00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:27,100
of telling him to his face.
255
00:10:27,133 --> 00:10:28,267
Right.
256
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:31,501
But I can still
call him.
257
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:33,334
Hey, stop that man! Stop him!
258
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:34,534
No!
259
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,334
No time for love.
260
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:37,667
Stop that man!
261
00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:39,400
( Elaine screaming )
262
00:10:39,434 --> 00:10:41,000
Louie! Louie!
263
00:10:42,801 --> 00:10:44,934
Louie!
264
00:10:48,634 --> 00:10:50,167
Get away from him!
265
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,167
All right, I give...
266
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,367
I give up!
267
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,934
I give up!
I give up.
268
00:10:54,968 --> 00:10:56,834
You promise
not to call him?
269
00:10:56,868 --> 00:10:58,133
I won't call him.
270
00:10:58,167 --> 00:10:59,701
He's losing his pants.
271
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:01,300
Don't you wish.
272
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,701
( jeering )
273
00:11:09,734 --> 00:11:11,000
All right, all right.
Louie!
274
00:11:11,033 --> 00:11:13,033
All right!
I'm not going to ca...
275
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:14,734
I won't call him.
276
00:11:14,767 --> 00:11:16,267
Trust my word.
277
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:23,334
Okay.
278
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:30,901
Hi. I'd like to send
a singing telegram.
279
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:32,033
Louie!
280
00:11:43,634 --> 00:11:44,601
Hey, here
comes Bobby!
281
00:11:44,634 --> 00:11:45,634
Look easy now.
282
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,567
ELAINE:
Everybody act
happy for him.
283
00:11:47,601 --> 00:11:49,968
( Bobby humming )
284
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,400
ALL:
Surprise!
285
00:11:52,434 --> 00:11:54,601
Hey, this is great!
286
00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:55,767
Hey!
287
00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:58,267
You guys
are really something else.
288
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,400
We just thought,
you know, we'd help you
289
00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:02,400
celebrate
the commercial.
290
00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:03,467
Oh, thanks.
291
00:12:03,501 --> 00:12:05,601
What's the matter
with your face?
292
00:12:05,634 --> 00:12:06,767
Uh, Tony, please.
293
00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:07,934
Well, look at his face.
294
00:12:07,968 --> 00:12:10,400
Hey, I bet you
were in on this too, huh?
295
00:12:10,434 --> 00:12:12,067
And after
the kind of day
296
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,734
you must have had.
297
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,300
Ah, hey, this is
really great, you guys.
298
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:20,000
I don't know what to say.
299
00:12:20,033 --> 00:12:21,868
What's the matter
with your face?
300
00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:23,400
Tony! Tony...
301
00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:24,501
No! No, no.
302
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:26,467
Can you believe
they wanted me
303
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:28,501
to do the commercial
like this?
304
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:29,801
I can't believe it.
305
00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,100
Oh, boy!
306
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:32,667
But you know something?
307
00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:34,767
It was really
okay, you know?
308
00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:37,467
I mean, I mean,
you know, there are times,
309
00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:39,634
when even on
a crummy commercial,
310
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:43,467
there are times when an actor
uses those tools that he has
311
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:45,701
and they all start working
for him,
312
00:12:45,734 --> 00:12:47,400
and it all comes together,
313
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,501
and it's just...
314
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:50,133
They couldn't pay me enough
315
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:51,367
to screw up my face
like that.
316
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,501
Tony, please.
317
00:12:52,534 --> 00:12:55,467
Bobby, why don't you just wash
that side of your face?
318
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:56,801
I did, I did.
319
00:12:56,834 --> 00:12:59,601
This stuff is going
to be here for a while.
320
00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:01,000
I mean, it really works.
321
00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:02,801
I guess I'm gonna
have to tell everybody
322
00:13:02,834 --> 00:13:03,934
that my father's side
of the family
323
00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:05,234
comes from Florida.
324
00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:07,267
( laughing )
325
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:08,567
Yeah, right!
326
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:12,400
Hey, so, how did it go?
327
00:13:12,434 --> 00:13:15,067
Hey! I'd like
to propose a toast.
328
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:17,734
Uh, to Bob--
a really fine actor.
329
00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:22,834
A fine, understanding,
easy-going, level-headed,
330
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:25,868
roll-with-the-punches
kind of guy.
331
00:13:25,901 --> 00:13:27,334
Cheers.
332
00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:32,901
So, uh, how was
your first day out, huh?
333
00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:36,133
ELAINE:
Bobby! What would
you like to drink?
334
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:38,400
We got beer, we got water...
335
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:39,767
Oh, I think beer.
336
00:13:39,801 --> 00:13:41,267
Beer will be fine.
Beer.
337
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,167
Hey, listen...
338
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,934
I know that a party
on a day like this
339
00:13:45,968 --> 00:13:47,534
must be really rough.
340
00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:49,434
Hey, don't worry about me.
341
00:13:49,467 --> 00:13:50,667
I'm fine.
342
00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:52,567
Hey, that's
the way to be.
343
00:13:52,601 --> 00:13:53,634
Believe me.
344
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,834
Actually, I didn't have
a bad day.
345
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:57,267
BOBBY:
Oh, yeah? Great!
346
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:58,934
STEVE:
As a matter of fact
347
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,634
I had kind of a good day.
348
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:01,868
Super, super.
349
00:14:01,901 --> 00:14:04,267
I'm playing Romeo
off Broadway.
350
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,067
We open in two months.
351
00:14:08,934 --> 00:14:10,467
Good!
352
00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:16,267
I mean, what am I
talking about, good?
353
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:17,901
That's great!
354
00:14:17,934 --> 00:14:19,400
That's fantastic!
355
00:14:19,434 --> 00:14:21,334
Hey, guys,
did you hear this?!
356
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:22,601
Did you hear that?!
357
00:14:22,634 --> 00:14:26,968
Yeah, well, you know,
if you like revivals.
358
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,701
Yeah, yeah, that's
nice, that's nice.
359
00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:30,701
Nice?!
360
00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:31,801
Yeah.
361
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:35,067
Nice?! Alex, it's off Broadway!
362
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,734
It's unbelievable.
363
00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:38,767
Oh! Your first
day out, kid,
364
00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:40,067
and you made it.
365
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:41,534
You made it.
366
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:45,667
You made it! You made it!
You made it!
367
00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:58,934
Hi, guys.
368
00:14:58,968 --> 00:14:59,934
Hi, Bob.
369
00:14:59,968 --> 00:15:01,501
Hello, Bob.
370
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,567
Hey, Louie,
you got a cab for me?
371
00:15:03,601 --> 00:15:05,033
( laughs )
372
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:08,133
What the hell
are you laughing at?
373
00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:12,400
Oh, he's laughing at my face.
374
00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:13,901
Pretty funny, huh?
375
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:16,167
I haven't even gotten
to your face yet.
376
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,067
Aw, come on.
377
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,467
Don't let him
get to you, Bobby.
378
00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:22,667
TONY:
Bobby, I got it.
379
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:24,501
If you put some tanning stuff
on this side of your face
380
00:15:24,534 --> 00:15:26,000
it wouldn't look so bad.
Look, Tony, please.
381
00:15:26,033 --> 00:15:29,234
Hey, what difference does it
make what my face looks like?
382
00:15:29,267 --> 00:15:30,467
I'm a cabbie.
383
00:15:30,501 --> 00:15:32,667
I mean, if I was an actor or
something, then I'd be worried.
384
00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:33,934
Hey, wait a minute.
385
00:15:33,968 --> 00:15:35,667
What are you
talking about?
386
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,367
I'm not an actor anymore.
387
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,501
Anymore?
388
00:15:38,534 --> 00:15:39,701
( laughs )
389
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:41,434
Since when?
390
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:43,834
Oh, since I decided
it was stupid.
391
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:45,801
Oh, no offense, Steve,
you know.
392
00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:47,567
See, I realized
last night
393
00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:49,334
that making it
as an actor
394
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:51,901
is nothing
but a bunch of luck,
395
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:53,367
so I'm dedicating myself
396
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,334
to be the best
cab driver I can be.
397
00:15:55,367 --> 00:15:56,334
( laughs )
398
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:57,501
I feel guilty.
399
00:15:57,534 --> 00:15:59,501
I should be paying for this.
400
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:02,868
So, I called up my agent
this morning,
401
00:16:02,901 --> 00:16:04,801
told him the same thing
I just told you,
402
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,234
and as soon
as he reads the message
403
00:16:06,267 --> 00:16:08,901
it'll all be official.
404
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:10,734
I feel like a new man.
405
00:16:10,767 --> 00:16:14,934
Um... I'll be waiting
right over here
406
00:16:14,968 --> 00:16:17,334
for my cab when it's
ready, Mr. De Palma.
407
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:19,701
And it doesn't have to be
anything nice.
408
00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:21,868
Just whatever you got
lying around.
409
00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:25,434
Oh, gee, I wanted to give you
a nice one.
410
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:27,367
Um, I know this is probably
411
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,200
the wrong time
to say this,
412
00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:30,734
but I'm sorry, Bobby.
413
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:32,133
Hey, don't be.
414
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:34,200
You did me a favor.
415
00:16:34,234 --> 00:16:35,834
And good luck,
'cause you're going to need it.
416
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:40,033
Hey, Alex, could you help me
with some more lines?
417
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,834
I got to get them down
before this afternoon.
418
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,901
Yeah, sure.
419
00:16:43,934 --> 00:16:45,033
Hey, on second
thought, Steve,
420
00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:46,501
why don't you ask Bobby
421
00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:48,734
if he'd run over
the lines with you?
422
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:49,901
You think he will?
423
00:16:49,934 --> 00:16:51,300
I don't know. Ask him.
424
00:16:51,334 --> 00:16:52,601
Maybe he'll help you
425
00:16:52,634 --> 00:16:54,901
with those lines
in the first scene--
426
00:16:54,934 --> 00:16:56,634
you know the one
I'm talking about?
427
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:04,367
I get it.
428
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,934
Hey, Bobby,
could you help me for a minute?
429
00:17:05,968 --> 00:17:07,734
I got to recite some things.
430
00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:09,400
Oh, yeah, sure,
I guess so.
431
00:17:09,434 --> 00:17:11,334
But, listen, as soon
as my cab is ready
432
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:12,868
I'm going
to have to go.
433
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:13,934
Oh, that's terrific.
434
00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:15,167
Here, Steve.
435
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,000
Here, it's the scene
between Romeo and Paris
436
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:20,200
in the last act--
the fight scene.
437
00:17:20,234 --> 00:17:21,734
Oh, yeah, I think
I remember this.
438
00:17:21,767 --> 00:17:23,801
We'll say this
is Juliet's tomb.
439
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:24,801
Excuse me.
440
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:25,934
That's all right.
441
00:17:25,968 --> 00:17:26,934
Okay, you ready?
442
00:17:26,968 --> 00:17:27,934
Yeah, sure.
443
00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:29,601
I'll start.
444
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:41,267
Thou detestable maw,
thou womb of death,
445
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:44,601
gorged with the dearest morsel
of the Earth,
446
00:17:44,634 --> 00:17:47,734
thus I enforce
thy rotten jaws to open
447
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,367
and in despite
I'll cram thee with more food.
448
00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:55,467
( mumbling ):
"This is that banished
haughty Montague
449
00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:57,334
"that murdered my love's cousin
450
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,400
with which grief
it is supposed..."
451
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:00,767
Bobby, I appreciate your help,
452
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:02,334
but could you
give me a little more?
453
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:05,400
Actors.
454
00:18:12,501 --> 00:18:16,100
This is that banished
haughty Montague
455
00:18:16,133 --> 00:18:18,734
that murdered my love's cousin,
456
00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:23,734
with which grief it is supposed
the fair creature died
457
00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:26,100
and here is come
458
00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:29,367
to do some villainous shame
to the dead bodies.
459
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,167
I will apprehend him.
460
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:36,300
Stop thy unhallowed
toil, vile Montague!
461
00:18:36,334 --> 00:18:41,300
Can vengeance be pursued
further than death?
462
00:18:41,334 --> 00:18:48,200
Condemned villain,
I do apprehend thee.
463
00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:49,901
Obey and go with me,
464
00:18:49,934 --> 00:18:51,801
for thou must die.
465
00:18:51,834 --> 00:18:55,267
I must indeed,
and therefore came I hither.
466
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,501
Good gentle youth,
tempt not a desperate man.
467
00:18:58,534 --> 00:19:00,701
Fly hence, leave me.
468
00:19:00,734 --> 00:19:02,167
Think upon these gone!
469
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,200
Let them affright thee!
470
00:19:04,234 --> 00:19:05,501
I beseech thee, youth,
471
00:19:05,534 --> 00:19:07,400
put not another sin
upon my head
472
00:19:07,434 --> 00:19:08,734
by urging me to fury!
473
00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:09,734
O, be gone.
474
00:19:09,767 --> 00:19:11,133
By heaven,
I love thee
475
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:12,400
better than myself
476
00:19:12,434 --> 00:19:15,100
for I come hither
armed against myself!
477
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,167
Stay not, be gone!
478
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,734
Live, and hereafter say
479
00:19:18,767 --> 00:19:21,200
a madman's mercy
bade thee run away!
480
00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:23,634
I do defy thy
conjurations
481
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:26,467
and apprehend thee
for a felon here.
482
00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:28,200
Wilt thou provoke me?
483
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,767
Then have at thee, boy.
484
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:30,934
( groans )
485
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:32,367
Oh...
486
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,868
Oh...
487
00:19:41,434 --> 00:19:45,934
I am... s-s-slain.
488
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:54,000
If... if thou be merciful
489
00:19:54,033 --> 00:20:00,000
open the tomb,
lay me with Juliet.
490
00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:06,534
( cheering )
491
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,767
Thank you very much.
492
00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:23,334
ALEX:
Hey, Bob.
493
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:24,968
Bobby! Hey, Bob!
494
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,734
Hey, you know something, kid?
495
00:20:29,767 --> 00:20:30,734
You're great.
496
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:32,467
You can't give up acting.
497
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,400
Bobby, that was so...
498
00:20:37,434 --> 00:20:39,634
you know...
499
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:42,167
Yeah, I was brilliant,
wasn't I?
500
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,400
Bob... wow.
501
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:47,601
Thanks, Alex, but you see,
if I can be this good
502
00:20:47,634 --> 00:20:49,601
and still not get
a decent job,
503
00:20:49,634 --> 00:20:50,901
then it just proves
504
00:20:50,934 --> 00:20:53,000
that acting is
nothing but luck
505
00:20:53,033 --> 00:20:54,801
and I am glad I'm quitting.
506
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:57,167
( Louie laughing )
507
00:21:00,234 --> 00:21:02,634
Ho, this day just
keeps getting better
508
00:21:02,667 --> 00:21:04,133
by the minute.
509
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:07,901
Worked like a charm,
didn't it, Rieger?
510
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,634
I got a better idea.
511
00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:11,300
Let Bobby do the scene
512
00:21:11,334 --> 00:21:15,334
and he'll act it and say,
"Why, I can't quit."
513
00:21:15,367 --> 00:21:17,767
I wish I had this on film!
514
00:21:17,801 --> 00:21:19,100
Thank you, Lord!
515
00:21:19,133 --> 00:21:20,467
Thank you.
516
00:21:23,133 --> 00:21:25,300
Hey, Louie.
517
00:21:25,334 --> 00:21:29,567
Louie, uh, can I talk to you
for a minute, please?
518
00:21:29,601 --> 00:21:31,367
Yeah, but I
can't promise
519
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,534
to keep
a straight face.
520
00:21:33,567 --> 00:21:35,000
Okay.
521
00:21:35,033 --> 00:21:36,868
You know something, Lou?
522
00:21:36,901 --> 00:21:38,200
It's-it's really great
523
00:21:38,234 --> 00:21:40,334
to have a sense
of humor, you know.
524
00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:44,701
But I'm afraid
the joke is over.
525
00:21:44,734 --> 00:21:49,000
And nobody knows
better than me...
526
00:21:49,033 --> 00:21:50,601
nobody knows
better than me,
527
00:21:50,634 --> 00:21:52,701
how hard it is
to go after a dream
528
00:21:52,734 --> 00:21:54,200
that keeps
slipping away.
529
00:21:54,234 --> 00:21:55,400
You know, sometimes
my career
530
00:21:55,434 --> 00:21:58,133
just seems like
it's one obstacle
531
00:21:58,167 --> 00:21:59,567
after another.
532
00:21:59,601 --> 00:22:02,901
It's nothing but a lot
of heartbreaks, Louie.
533
00:22:02,934 --> 00:22:05,467
You know,
when I came in here today,
534
00:22:05,501 --> 00:22:08,834
I got to admit to you,
I was beaten.
535
00:22:08,868 --> 00:22:11,133
But I decided not to quit.
536
00:22:12,868 --> 00:22:14,601
I found something, Louie.
537
00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:18,601
I found something that's going
to get me through all of that.
538
00:22:18,634 --> 00:22:20,868
I've seen... I've seen a light,
and it's far away
539
00:22:20,901 --> 00:22:22,968
but it's strong,
and it's steady,
540
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,334
and it's going to get me
through this,
541
00:22:25,367 --> 00:22:27,501
and I'm going to follow
that light
542
00:22:27,534 --> 00:22:29,100
till the day I die, Lou.
543
00:22:29,133 --> 00:22:30,734
And you want to know
544
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,968
what that light
is, Louie?
545
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,300
What?
546
00:22:35,334 --> 00:22:37,667
That light is you, Lou.
547
00:22:43,934 --> 00:22:46,100
You're my inspiration,
548
00:22:46,133 --> 00:22:50,868
and I'm going to keep digging
and scratching and clawing
549
00:22:50,901 --> 00:22:52,267
as long as I know
there's a chance
550
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:53,634
that I might succeed,
551
00:22:53,667 --> 00:22:56,267
and maybe, maybe one day,
maybe one day,
552
00:22:56,300 --> 00:22:59,534
I might be able
to come back here in this garage
553
00:22:59,567 --> 00:23:02,934
and stuff every laugh
you've ever had at my expense
554
00:23:02,968 --> 00:23:04,534
right down your throat.
555
00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:08,734
Thank you, Louie.
556
00:23:08,767 --> 00:23:11,100
You're welcome.
557
00:23:11,133 --> 00:23:13,534
Now I have to go call my agent.
558
00:23:35,467 --> 00:23:36,934
Well, Louie,
559
00:23:36,968 --> 00:23:40,601
the Lord giveth,
and the Lord taketh away.
560
00:23:42,901 --> 00:23:44,901
( chuckles softly )
561
00:23:48,667 --> 00:23:51,234
You guys like the
candy in this machine?
562
00:23:51,267 --> 00:23:52,734
Yeah, why?
563
00:24:06,567 --> 00:24:10,033
( theme music playing )
564
00:24:32,434 --> 00:24:34,033
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
565
00:24:34,067 --> 00:24:35,400
( grunts )
37703
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