Original subtitles

- You've got to take control, Hol. - (LAUGHS)

- She's a natural, see? - You'll pick her up after training, then?

Yeah. I'm the new boy. I've got to catch the boss's eye.

If I want a place, I've got to do a bit of extra graft.

You'd better do some with me soon.

All right. I'll race you to the car, yeah?

Go on! Go on!

Ian?

(PHONE RINGS)

Tell Lara I'll pick her up.

Hello?

Marie! Hiya, love. What have you been up to?

Still raining in Bolton?

What? Marie, you can't just...

Ready, babe.

Yeah, come on, let's go.

You look gorgeous.

Oh, my bleeding head!

- Are you all right, Mum? - Morning, Jackie.

- Good night, was it? - Nadine kept feeding me doubles.

Chardonnay thought you'd found me a new dad.

Are you sure you wasn't on a double date?

Well, all you two think about is sex.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Jesus!

(DOOR OPENS)

Get off! There's a cuppa for you over there.

Does that mean I'm forgiven?

No.

Don't give me a hard time, Tan.

I don't mind you having a night out. I'm just asking you to phone me.

I said I'm sorry.

Give us a kiss.

Go on. Go on.

Don't get me fired up now.

You've got five minutes, haven't you?

I'll give you more than that when I come home from work.

I can't wait till tomorrow.

Cos I get better-looking every day.

I love you!

STEREO“. I How do you deal with that?

I How do you deal with that?

I How do you deal with that?

I How do you deal with that?

I How do you deal with that?

I How do you deal with that?

(SCREAMING)

FANS: Ian! Ian!

(SCREAMING)

(FANS CALL OUT EXCITEDLY)

Hi, big man.

I How do you deal with that?

- (SHOUTING) COACH: Jason!

On the right, Ian!

OK, I think that's enough for today.

OK, lads! That's time!

(HORSE WHINNIES)

Hello, sweetheart Oh, was it good?

Yeah.

(LOW CHATTER)

Mummy!

All right, Don?

Yeah. Yeah, great.

Say thank you to Lara for inviting you.

Thank you.

Wanna stop by for a cup of tea?

I've got to get back. My sister's coming to stay.

Hi, Ian!

Kyle, fancy a few games of snooker?

Chardonnay's meeting me. We're going shopping.

Not that bloody wedding again!

Oi, Jase, shove it up your arse, mate.

Maybe later, love.

You keep it up, lad.

- Jason? - Yeah?

When you're ready. The boss wants a word in his office.

All right, Arch. (MOUTHS)

- And don't keep him waiting. - (LAUGHS)

I'll line one up for you.

Make it half a dozen, Tel.

Are you all right?

No. You're here.

- Thank you. - Is this a surprise for Donna an' all?

- Son of. - Marie...

I'll be putting me teeth in a frigging glass by the time you pair invite me down.

Go on, Ian. I've done you a favour more than once.

- Hey, Ian! - You'll have to wait a minute, mate.

I need a pee.

Yeah, all right, look. You see the White board on the right? Go through that.

It's all right, mate. She's with me.

See you, Jase.

Yeah.

Just lift your head a little higher.

Sorry, that's it.

If you rub up against me one more time, I'll put it in the mincer.

Sorry I'm late, babe.

He just gave me his autograph, didn't you, mate?

Sorry. It was my fault.

I could let you off, for a quick flash, Chardonnay.

Too bad.

Let's go, yeah?

(AMBIENT MUSIC)

(DOORBELL)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(DOORBELL)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(MUSIC OFF)

Will somebody open this shitting door?

(BANGS ON DOOR)

Are you bloody deaf, woman?

I suppose carrying a key's out the question?

Had a hard day by the pool, did you?

You should be in bloody nappies!

- What did you say? - You heard me.

Oi!

Don't you walk away from me. I asked What you said.

- Forget it, Jason. - No. No.

You said I should be wearing something. What did you say?

I said nappies. All right?

Nappies.

What's that? A joke? Yeah?

Is that What that is? Because it sounds to me like a bloody insult.

For Christ's sake.

This is a joke.

Oh, well. Another insurance claim to fill in.

Oh, sorry. Do you want me to sit here and applaud?

Surprise, surprise.

Tanya's got herself a drink.

What is it? Gin?

Meths?

It's vodka.

Give me my drink.

Your drink?

Tanya, there is nothing in this house that is your anything.

Not even this glass.

Miss a penalty at training?

Jase...what is it?

The boss called me into his office today.

Yeah?

Basically told me I'm on my last warning, didn't he?

He said I'm not giving 110%.

“If you don't won't to be on zis team, you must say so.“

I hope you told him you did.

I'm the top goal scorer last season. I'm the No.1.

I'm the bloody captain. I should go grovelling to him?

Ah, Jesus! What is it with you?

It's not grovelling to tell your manager you want to be pan of his team.

- It's bloody common sense. - He's got it in for me.

It's as simple as that. He wants to make room for Biagi.

- He didn't say that? - The papers are full of it.

Well, did you ask him about Biagi?

Of course I bloody asked him. He said it's rubbish.

Well, then. What are you worried about?

Because he's a lying bastarding kraut!

Oh...

(POURS DRINK)

Look, phone Frank, yeah? He'll tell you if it's true about Biagi.

I can't phone the Chief Exec every time I have a problem.

You're his golden boy, Jase. He won't bullshit you.

It Will look like I'm crapping it.

Yeah, well, I bloody am.

You know Frank as well as I do.

Yeah?

Look, babe. Why didn't you phone me at the club and warn me?

I didn't know she'd go there, did I?

Don't go making her feel too welcome.

- Donna, it's like Hello! magazine. - Impressed, then?

Look at it. We could put our old bedroom in that cupboard.

That's What you get When your husband's the most talented player in England.

If our mum and dad could see you now, it'd pop their eyes out.

Well, they're not going to, are they?

Mum said to tell you...they miss you.

- Two sugars? - Nah. Given them up.

- Oi! Outside if you want to do that. - Eh!

Holly, Show Auntie Marie through to the guest bedroom.

No smoking in there an' all.

Do you want to see my dress for the club do?

- You've got it, yeah? - It's in here.

- (LAUGHS) - What do you think?

- Versace, yeah? - You like it, then?

It's beautiful, Don. We've got extra. Spend it.

(MOBILE RINGS)

Hello? All right, Archie. No, you're not interrupting nothing.

What now?

You're breaking up, Arch.

Shit. Hello?

You're all right, mate. I'm at home.

- Do you like your room, then? - I love it.

Can I have a go on your sunbed?

Course, love. You couldn't have timed your visit any better, Marie.

Cos when I tell you What else has turned up. I haven't even told Ian.

- Why? What? - Yes! Yes!

Nice one, mate. I'll see you tomorrow.

Arch. Arch. Tell the gaffer I said thanks, yeah?

- Bye, mate! - What is it?

We've scored, Don. They want me for a first-team place.

Walmsley!

Thank you, Linda.

- Thanks, darling. - You can get off home, sweetheart

Cheers for seeing me, Frank. I know you're up to your eyes.

Eh, come on.

So?

Well, there's no point in beating about the bush. I'm worried sick about Jason.

(SIGHS) He's his own worst enemy, that man of yours.

You don't have to tell me that. I live with him.

I heard he had words with Stefan.

Yeah? I heard it was the other way round. That Stefan had words With him.

Is Jase on his way out?

We're all just passing through, Tanya. Jason could be here till he retires.

Stefan knows how important he is to the fans.

He could be the next manager if he played his cards right.

What? So this Salvatore Biagi, it's all rubbish?

Nah, it's just er...just newspaper copy, love.

If that's What's getting between Jason and his football,

you can put his mind at rest on that, but I'm warning him -

and you can tell him I said this -

a bit of forelock tugging wouldn't go amiss and if he could work up a sweat in training...

I'm getting the picture.

And tell him...

...to put a smile on his face.

Right?

It's all coming together, innit?

Yeah.

What?

lan...l could do With a bit of help round the house and that.

- (LAUGHS) - It'll be nice for Holly to have some family.

Hire help in.

- I keep telling you. - I don't want strangers in.

I want... Well, it's different for you, in't it? You've got your world.

What are you getting at?

I can't stop thinking about...him.

I even thought I saw him today.

Well, don't you sometimes wonder, Ian?

Now we've got all this we could give him.

You wouldn't not want to find him if we could, would you?

We could pay for a good education for him.

Maybe he's got a talent for sports.

Or maybe he's dead bright.

All them things need money.

Well, we've got it now. Thanks to you.

- Has Ian gone? - Yeah.

I was going to go in with him and watch training.

Marie?

I got this sent to me from a man. Don't say owt to lan, though.

OK. Why? What is it?

Telling me he knows Where our Daniel is.

- For real? - He says he's the dad.

You know, of the couple who adopted him.

- Bleeding hell. - Him and the mum are divorced now.

And she's got Daniel with her in London.

And if I pay him £10,000, he'll tell me Where.

- Oh, Donna. - I couldn't give Daniel nowt when I were 13.

With my pig mum and dad.

But I can make it all up to him now, can't I?

What we owe to him. I know Ian will feel the same when I find him.

How are you going to get that kind of money out With Ian not knowing?

Ten grand.

All in old fifties.

This is thanks to me, cutting labels out of dresses.

I'm going to meet him, Marie.

I need you to come with me.

You just say, "Morning, boss," or "How's it going?" It's not hard.

No. I just make myself look like a prick. Yeah, sure.

Ah, Jesus! You sound like a bloody prick.

Screw your career if you want to. Don't ask me to help you pick up the pieces.

Why don't you put my kit on and play for me an' all?

It's just a few simple things, Jase. Just make an effort, please.

You're asking me now?

Frank's asking you.

If Frank's on my side... Stefan can stick it, sweetheart.

(SIGHS)

Who is it?

Frank.

Hi.

Hey! Salvatore, good to meet you.

This is our Managing Director.

- Bob Lyons. How do you do? - You know Stefan.

- Ciao. - Excellent.

- Frank, a couple of items outstanding. - Mike, you're trying to stitch me up.

- Me? - We've already agreed a substantial package.

Now there's a slice of the merchandise,

two club cars at the last minute and all this first-class air travel to Rome.

It's a bit excessive, isn't it?

I told your lawyers there were personal matters to clear up.

Let's just see how he comes through the medical. Hm?

- Shit. - Nice!

Easy!

I suppose we should be privileged to have you here with us,

instead of playing keepy-uppy with the ball boys.

You need to practise your potting, mate.

If lan crawls any further up the boss's arse, he'll be coming out of his mouth.

Easy, Jason.

All this work-out crap just bores me to shit!

I tell you, Hauserwould be happier if we was all robots made in Germany.

Hi, guys.

- Hi, Chardonnay. - It's gorgeous out there.

All right, babe?

How's the dress? All right?

It's a disaster. It looks like I got it off the high street.

- You're joking? - I'm only kidding. It's coming on fab.

Are you wearing a dress for it, then?

Top half an' all? I won't recognise you.

Do you have to have a dickhead for your best man?

Boys.

Speculation is rife at Earls Park Football Club

following today's newspaper reports about Salvatore Biagi's arrival in England.

While manager Stefan Hauser refused to answer any questions earlier today,

Chief executive Frank Laslefi was more forthcoming.

He says Biagi is not in Earls Park plans.

The supporters' club say they'd welcome an injection of European flair...

Anyone fancy making a night of it?

- Yeah, me. - Nah, it's all right, mate.

- Don't count Kyle in. - Jesus! You ain't cut his balls off yet.

Shut it, Jason. We have got a wedding to organise.

What's Tanya doing tonight?

- None of your bastarding business. - That's it. Go on, out.

You're not all suddenly going?

Yes, Mother. They are.

The master has spoken.

- I don't know Why I bother. - Sorry, babe.

I'll give you “babe...

- Give us a kiss. - Get off, you!

- Come out with us. - Oh, shut up!

Good night, Chardonnay.

- He's slaughtered. - He's a shit.

(DANCE MUSIC)

Sorry, Mr Turner. Your sister's brought your credit card.

I don't have a sister. Get rid of her.

Jason, it's me.

Sorry, mate. Yeah, she's cool.

She's your sister?

- Yeah. - She's 18?

19.

Hello, sis.

(PHONE RINGS)

- Hi! - Hi, babe. You all right?

Is Jase there?

No, he went off with some of the lads.

Kyle too?

“No, Kyle's here.“

Look, Tan, Why don't you come over to us?

Have a drink with us. Let Jason search for you for a change.

No, it's OK.

Jason - playing away again, I'm telling you.

Sling it in the bin.

Breathe in.

And out.

Cheers, Frank.

Change of subject.

I'm hoping to talk to you about Jason Turner's contract when this is allover.

Of course. Jason is very much pan of our plans for next season.

And a few others after that, I hope.

I'm going to take a piss. Have another one of them.

(MOANS)

Tanya?

Oh...

Jesus!

Tan!

Give you a fright, Jase?

You sad, stupid bitch!

Do you really think I'd top myself for you?

Well, don't save yourself, darling.

You bastard!

You're Donna, yeah?

If you're Paul.

- Can I get you a drink? - Just Show me the adoption papers.

OK. I'm just trying to make it friendly.

It's all there. I wrote down his address, Where he's living with her now.

Uh-uh.

You don't get to look at it till you Show me the money.

Look, I'm just claiming my dues, all right? For bringing him up for you.

You don't know What she's been through.

- Having a baby took off her. - Well, I miss him too, yeah?

I'm the one Who's been bringing him up. Him calling me Dad.

Show me some ID that says you're you.

Here you are.

Are you happy now?

Look, it's all kosher.

Show me you got the money and you can can check it out.

I've got a photo of him an' all.

You can have it if you want.

I took it a couple of years ago, when he was at school.

Before I split up with the bitch.

Just don't come asking for more or I'm giving your name to the police.

They've already got it, darling.

That's Why I want my ticket out.

- Let's have a look. - In the car.

- (MOBILE RINGS) - Shit!

Yeah?

Go to the Wine bar opposite the ground. I'll meet you there in 15 minutes.

- Can you give me an hour? I'm... - Oh, forget it.

Cheeky twat!

Where's the photo?

Right. Our lawyers Will be in touch.

I can't hang around for ever, though.

Dave? Mike.

Have I got a headline for you, Iaddo.

- Jason. - Forget it, Tanya.

Just stay at home and play with your pills.

And leave you to make another arse of yourself?

It Will be great if Stefan thinks you've got a rocky marriage on top!

If he asks, I'll tell him you're a crap shag.

Marie!

Ian's shitting bricks here!

Come on.

Sorry. Marie!

Sorry!

All right, Hol. I'll see you later.

Be good for Auntie Marie.

Holly.

Have a nice night, then.

I told you, I don't want you here.

Don't be so stupid. I'm your Wife.

You're a parasite.

Hi, Stefan.

Can you get me one of these with a large vodka in it?

And keep 'em coming, Will you? All right.

Excuse me.

- Hi Tan. - Hi!

You look gorgeous.

Just expensive, sweetie.

- How are you, boss? - Ian!

- You remember Donna. - Of course.

How nice to see you both. What about a drink?

Hello, mate. Dave Ewing, FTA News And Media. We'll just come in for a couple...?

Can I ask a few questions, if that's all right? Two minutes, just get the news.

- I just want a few words With Mr Hauser. - Sorry, sir. This is a private function.

A couple of minutes. Two minutes of your time. Come on! What's the matter with you?

Let's go in and eat.

Where the shit is Frank?

(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

(CORK POPS)

This is the first time as captain's Wife I've not been at the top table.

What are you talking about now?

So...looking forward to the big day?

Be glad if we get there, to be honest.

I'm off to Paris Monday to buy my dress if you fancy it.

- My last photo shoot is Monday. - What about you, Donna?

Got your first match of the season outfit?

I don't think I'll go to matches.

Not go?

I've got a child to put to bed.

Who's looking after her tonight?

My sister Marie, but... I just don't like dressing up for the fans, being gawped at.

It's not about the fans, Donna. It's about supporting your husband and the club.

Isn't that right, Ian?

Ian knows I support him.

I don't need to dress up like a shop dummy to prove it.

Oh!

- Donna thinks we're all dummies. - Leave it out, Tan.

You'll get used to the attention. Won't she, babe?

Yeah.

To be honest, any excuse to spend it suits me. If it's not in my wardrobe, it's in his garage.

You're used to folks eyeing you over. You do it for a living.

I didn't know you had a sister down here, Donna.

(DOORBELL)

For Christ's sake!

So, it turns out I've shagged Bolton boy's sister-in-law.

- I would have told you. - Yeah?

Yeah. If you hadn't blown me out.

I shouldn't have had that last profiterole. I'm bursting out of this frock as it is.

We'll all be down the gym tomorrow.

It was all a blind, about Biagi, then, Tan. You've heard no more?

No, no yet. Mind you, I might flash a bit of leg at Stefan.

Ha-ha-ha! You need a can opener to get anything out of him.

It's a shame his Wife's in Germany.

Donna got a bit of a smile out of him.

- Sorry? - Stefan Hauser.

Has he said anything to you about What his plans might be?

Plans about What?

About what do you think, Donna? His next cruise up the blue bloody Danube?

Tanya's a bit tense on the subject, Donna. Biagi's a midfielder.

Same place as her Jason.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Ohhhh!

Next time we'll Christen Ian's bed, eh?

AT.

Blinding!

You'd better get back to your do.

(READS) My darling Jason,

I'd do anything for one hour With you. I'm a 38-DD. Where did you get this?

From your locker. I knowl shouldn't have, but...

I've been mad about you all my life.

There was this one and all, from me.

I gave it to you last time I came to watch you two years ago.

I wrote loads of letters to you.

I couldn't believe it when our Ian got a transfer to Earls Park.

You're a bit special, Marie. We're going to have fun, me and you.

Except you've got a Wife.

Fun is not What Wives are for, babe.

- And then What? - I thought it'd be rude not to. I just buried it.

(LAUGHTER)

Stefan, can I just er...'.7

About Jason.

It drives me mad that he's so pig-headed.

He thinks we can all read his mind, like he doesn't have to tell us anything.

Trust me. If you knew What this game means to him.

Only a Wife could be bothered to work him out.

- Tanya. - Oh, hi, Bob.

- Enjoying yourself tonight? - Yeah. Great, thanks.

Excuse me.

I must say erm...you're looking lovely as ever.

Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself.

That suit's worn well, hasn't it?

Evening, Mr Laslett.

- See any press? - Only them in that silver Peugeot.

- Oh, shit! - Don't worry, sir.

- They won't get past us. - Don't worry. I'll park it.

- Frank? - Listen.

We're in deep shit.

- The story's out. - How?

Christ knows. It Will be all over the papers tomorrow.

Where's Biagi now?

Under a blanket in the back of my car.

Go and get him.

- What? - Just go.

Are you all right, babe?

- What's up? Tanya upset you? - Just a bit.

You don't want a pitched battle With the Wife of the bloody captain.

She's just doing her job, Don.

Don't you start on me.

Look, I've... Come here.

Right. He's here.

OK.

Let's tell them.

Er...hello. Er...

Hello, everyone.

I'm sorry to interrupt the party, but er... we have a very special guest to introduce.

We are going to make a formal announcement to the press tomorrow,

but we wanted to give you the good news ourselves tonight.

Frank.

Right. Ladies and gentlemen...

I'd like to introduce our new signing.

Salvatore Biagi.

(CHEERING)

- Did you know about this? - I'm the last to know anything.

- It can only be good for the club. - That's What I call a result.

- Oi! Biagi! You're a wanker! - Jason, don't.

Oi! I'm talking to you.

- Jase. - What are you on, then?

What? 50 a week?

50? Not for my talent.

Biagi!

Jason!

For Christ's sake! It's going to be all over the bloody papers.

Taxi for Turner.

F-off! We're walking.

Done your cooker for you, Donna, and t'kitchen floor.

- Thanks. - Good night, was it?

Oi, I tell you. It is Jason Turner no more.

What is?

Don't you watch the news? He's being replaced.

How's that? They're getting rid of Jason Turner? I don't get it.

Why don't you go and watch telly in your room?

Yeah. Night.

Do you want that tea or do you want a real drink?

No. I'm knackered, love.

Ian?

I've tracked down our Daniel.

Eh?

Look at him.

Ian.

It's him.

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Why don't you finish me off, you big shit!

You lied to me?

You lied to my Wife.

You lied to the fans.

It was a secret deal.

That's show business. I had no choice.

Oh, Jesus!

Well...

I'm going to get a transfer.

There are a lot of people are interested in me, actually. I'm going to shaft the club.

Don't be daft. You're staying with Earls Park.

What? To sit on the bench? I don't think so, no. No way! No!

Help me get him in the back, Tanya.

Don't you tell me What to do, you fat old prick!

Well...

I'm going home.

- No, you're not. - You're bloody soused.

- Call it a day and we'll talk tomorrow. - We're talking now!

It's finished for me.

I've got no future now.

Don't bother, Jason.

I've heard it all before.

Frank...l gave you my best years.

- You said it. - You shit!

You...

You could never hack it on the pitch,

even before you become some pickled, wrinkled, overweight...

- I'm warning you, Turner. - Leave him!

Back off. Time to grow up!

Argh!

Frank?