Original subtitles

Hello, Tasty, you sexy treat.

Good morning, Dodger. Well, you're right on time as usual, which is more than I

can say for Leg Man.

I guess it's just you and me, then.

Oh, I guess it's just you, because I've got to get out of here.

Aren't you forgetting something?

What? Well, the big meeting, first Monday of every month, remember?

Where we get the usual riot act from the big chief.

Right, and Connors will be right on time, as usual.

Mr.

Perfection, that's what he expects from everybody else.

Well, I'm going to go take a break. I've got to get out of here.

Five minutes to blast off.

Enjoy it while you can.

See you at the meeting.

This is Tasty Raisins. You're a cheerful good morning, girl.

Getting all you sleepyheads out of bed and entertaining all the commuters out

there. In just a moment, we'll be giving you the update on the freeway

situation. But for now, let's hear a little light rock from the mother's

condition on the latest traffic report in just a few minutes.

But first, some smooth rhythms from some of your favorite people, the plumb

line.

Oh, baby, I want you to fuck me in my mouth.

I want you to come all over my mouth, all over my face.

Oh, suck that big cock.

Take it

all in, oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Of course.

Good morning again to all. And for all you sleepy -eyed working people out

trying to move the other day, here's a little help from Culture Crash.

And afterwards, we will definitely be giving you that freeway update.

What?

Freeway update?

After the number?

Shit. I haven't even written it yet.

I'll get her for this.

I gotta get out of here.

Who's that asshole?

The court's almost due and he isn't even here yet.

Sally, I have some papers for you to file. I've got something to do with legs

first.

And that was some amazing noise we just heard.

And now for that traffic report we've all been waiting for.

Don't call it a jam. Tune in to Leg Man.

Leg Man Mac here bringing you the latest on the freeway situation.

All freeways are running normal, although heavy with early morning

The 405 had a mishap about 20 minutes ago in the northbound lane, and that

up traffic for a couple of miles.

But that's been cleared away and, uh... Uh... Everything's back to

normal. Now, the 210 freeway is running along smoothly.

And the Hollywood freeway is running to a little small in the past.

But that's nothing normal.

Hell, I was just on the goddamn freeway. It was the worst jam this year.

Should have fired that guy before I even hired him.

Back to you, Tasty.

Thank you, Legman.

That was a very concise report we just heard.

And now for some more music, back from the electric cool shoes.

Legman!

Oh, yeah.

I swear to God, either you get your shit together or I'm going to do my best to

get you bounced.

Take these pants off me. I want you to fuck me.

Right here?

Yes.

on my desk.

Good morning, Evelyn.

Oh, Mr. Connors. It's Judd Rines.

Oh, shit.

I don't want to talk to him. Tell him I'm not here.

He's not on the phone. He's in your office.

Damn! Why did you let him in?

Well, because he said he'd drop all the ads this morning if I didn't let him in.

Good reason.

Judd! What brings you here?

You know damn well I'm here. Sit down, Gary.

Judd, I'm afraid I... I don't know what you're talking about.

Ratings, Gary.

What ratings?

Your ratings.

K -N -U -T's ratings.

Gary, they're shit.

Oh, those ratings.

They're not quite what we expected for this quarter. Gary?

They're not up by the end of the week. I'm going to pull every damn ad I'm

running with you. I don't think I need to tell you what'll happen if

and Rhymes pulls their ad.

Now, now, Judd, don't you think they're overreacting a bit here? Not one damn

bit.

By the end of the week. Understand?

There you go, Mr. Conner. Take these.

Yeah. You'll be knee -high.

Oh.

It's been riding you hard?

That's an understatement.

We are faith for the major crisis, Emily.

Major.

Just take a deep breath.

That's right.

You really shouldn't let this worry you, Mr. Conner. He says the same thing

every month.

I know.

He just likes driving down here to let off some steam.

I know he does.

You know, why else would a big advertising agent drive all the way down

just to talk to us?

If he really wanted to pull some ads, he'd use the phone.

There's no logic to this guy.

He is a born sadist. I know for a fact he is. And I know he says the same thing

every month. And I know he likes to blow off steam.

But the difference is, now, I think he really means it. Oh, come on.

Do you really think so? I know so.

Before, the ratings were just going down.

Now, the ratings are so low, I think there's no place else to go but under.

You have a point, Mr. Connors. Now, get those idiotic DJs into the conference

room right now.

Right away, Mr. Connors.

And that was some wild rhythm by the Brass Knuckles, singing for your

pleasure, How'd You Like a Poke in the Eye?

I know I wouldn't.

What is the catchy little tune for this bright, sunny Southern California

weather? And now how about a really great classic, Flight of the Bullfrogs,

real rockabilly band called Big Style.

Time for the big meeting.

Oh, no. This again?

Oh, yes, this again.

Be ready for a heavy one this time.

Hmm.

And now for 30 minutes non -stop rock and roll.

You guys are a bunch of pinheads.

You are the worst DJs I've ever seen in radio.

And you better do something about it.

Like assholes in the unemployment office. He gives that same speech every

What's that, Dodger? I was just saying that we've done everything we can. We've

tried specializing in rock and roll, rhythm and blues. Look, Connors, I've

in the station since we've been playing country western and bluegrass and all

that shit.

And nothing has worked. Yeah, not to mention all that punk rock, New Wave,

the other anti -music noise last year. Yeah, and the listeners kept complaining

we played the same songs over and over.

Everybody does, Top 40.

Exactly.

That's what you guys have to come up with. Something different.

A new formula for KNUT that works.

But we've tried everything, boss.

And you.

That freeway report you did was totally inaccurate.

I was on the freeway this morning, and it was a 15 -car pileup, and you said

freeway was clear.

And I had to tune in to KBUT to find out what the fuck was going on.

And you know what mood listening to KBUT gets me into.

I'm sorry, boss, but that's the way it came over the computer.

You know. I mean, we just have to get our updates faster, that's all.

Update my ass.

You fucked up, Mac, because you were fucking up.

The next time, you're fired.

Gee, she's really writing Leg Man today.

I don't think this is the usual bull. Now, I get the feeling that you guys

think that I was playing games this past year.

I just got the word from our largest advertising company, Water, Millions,

Rhymes, that unless the ratings are up by next week, kaput!

That's your job.

At this point, I don't care what you do. I don't even want to listen to your

stupid -ass nine ideas.

I don't care what you do to improve the ratings.

I just want them up by the end of the week.

Now, I'm going to leave this room, and I'm going to let you guys think about

what's going on.

And let this new crisis sink in a bit.

The ratings aren't up by Friday.

I'm not going to fire you.

Because there's not going to be a station to fire you from.

Understand?

Pretty grim pep talk this morning, wasn't it?

Grim hell.

That was a nuclear thief.

I've never seen him that upset.

Ted Rines is in this morning.

Yeah, but he's here once a month with the same speech.

Yeah, but this time he thinks he really means it.

Rines is so pissed. He wants Connors to bleed before this station goes under.

That sounds bad.

So what are we going to do?

Actually, I got an idea.

The way I look at it, we're all going to be out of a job by the end of next week

anyway, right?

It's a fair assessment of the situation.

So why don't we just blow it off?

I mean, go out with a bang.

Why even try?

Everything we've done this past year has failed anyway.

Well, taste me, you know you got a point, but I must ask you, what the hell

you getting at?

Let's just do everything we've always wanted to do. Like, I've always wanted

answer real sexy letters over the air.

I've got this hot porn record that will blow every circuit in the FCC's ass.

Yeah, and we could sell ants for...

Sex toys, dildos, things like that, and then we wouldn't need Judd Ryan.

And sexy stories.

Like I've always wanted to tell the filthiest, nastiest, sexiest story ever

on the air. Or give sexual advice, like Dr. Ruth Goldheimer does.

Fuck the traffic. We can give updates on traffic in whorehouses and

streetwalkers. And advice on where the vice cops aren't. To hell with the

letters. Let's take live sex calls over the air.

Seriously, guys.

We've got to start thinking of some real ideas.

I am serious.

Just look at it this way. As far as I'm concerned, we're doomed.

Nothing's going to work.

But just suppose the sex stuff, which people are going to listen to, does up

rating. Then we'd have done it, right?

We'd have done the impossible.

Hey, Tasty, we could do a simulcast with cable TV or the old hot rock videos you

did with your group, the sex sets. Yeah, that'd be great.

I don't know about this.

What have we got to lose?

Our jobs.

And our jobs are already down the toilet anyway, right?

So what are we waiting for?

Let's do it.

Let's go. Come on. I

thought

you had a date or something.

I ain't going to miss this. Besides, I don't think you're going to last a day,

let alone a week.

What a good point there.

Hello, all you sexy listeners out there. This is Tasty Tastings with an all

-new, all -sex call -in program called Tasty Strix.

If you'd like to call in and just talk about a sexual fantasy or any kind of

sexual problem, or even if you'd like to just get off over the airway, call us

right now at 306 -3508, and we'll answer that call for you. But right now,

here's a little message from Dodger, you are.

Thanks,

Tasty. I'm almost creaming in my jeans right now just listening to that sexy

voice of yours.

Now, for all you guys out there who might have an occasional problem getting

up, here's a new product just for you.

It's called Peter Popper.

It's a rub -on gel that gets that love -making tool hard as a rock.

It's available through Dodger at care of KNUT for only, and this is the good

part, For the low, low price of only 50 bucks.

That's right. For 50 bucks... Evelyn, send in Creamy.

That was wonderful, Dodger. You know, I couldn't use that the other night.

You mean you couldn't get it up?

No, no, silly.

My date couldn't get it up. If I had some of that Peter Popper, well, I

be as frustrated as I am right now.

Well, Tasty, it just so happens that I have a sample bottle right here.

Would you come back here and rub my shoulders?

Are you listening to the radio?

Hell no.

Turn that thing off.

I can't stand listening to that crap that's going on around here.

Aren't you going to do anything about it?

I am.

I am.

Turn it off.

Yeah, that feels good.

Gary.

What? About this job you gave me.

Yeah? What am I supposed to be doing?

You are an advertising rep.

But the only thing I've done is massage your shoulders and go out to dinner with

you. I haven't even met any of your clients.

Exactly.

That's what an advertising rep does.

Now, how about coming around and...

massaging a real stiff joint.

Creamy.

Oh, cream.

Mmm.

Oh, God.

Bye.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They call her on the air.

Hello, this is Tasty Tasters. Go ahead.

Hi, Tasty.

This is Sherry from Bakersfield.

This is, like, really exciting because my boyfriend and I are in bed right now,

nude. And we've got this problem.

No problem with sex. Just the fun stuff.

Yeah. We saw this movie, Last Tango in Paris.

You know, the one with Marlon Brando and Marie Schneider in it.

And that incredible...

butter thing.

Ever since we saw that, we've been wanting to do it Greek style.

But it hurts. Can you help us?

We've tried everything.

Butter, margarine, even vegetable oil.

And every time my boyfriend, Max, tries to put his dick in my asshole, it still

hurts. I can help you out there. I've done it many times.

First of all, forget the butter.

Max keeps that by the bed.

Then find yourself a variety of dildos. We keep those by the bed too.

Start with the smallest and work your way up to Max's choosing.

Now I'm sure you and Max want a little time to try this out on your own. So

give you some nice hot music to do anal by.

Called Backdoor Annie by Incest in the Cream Cheese.

A hot new group from Jersey.

You like that?

Oh, yes. Oh, you're such an animal. All right. Are we moving on to the other

side? Sounds like you know what you're doing already.

Oh, yes.

Tight. You like that, huh?

Here it goes.

You want a bigger one now, Sherry? No.

Ready for the big one? I'm ready.

Okay, let's try a bigger one.

Yes, a big one.

You better be ready for this.

Oh, God, I know.

Oh, God, I can feel it.

There you go, Sherry. Oh, God, I want the real thing.

I'm just ticking my eyes.

I want the real thing.

I want the real thing. I want your dick in my asshole.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

Huh?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Put your eyes a little tighter.

Oh, that feels so good.

Oh, got it now, baby.

Oh, God, I think I've cut out.

Oh, don't move. Stay there.

And that's all the time we have for Tasty's tricks right now.

But next is the sports with Leg Man Mac.

In the world of golf, Fuzzball Zola won the U .S. Open for the third time in a

row.

But it was that last green where he kissed his balls for luck, wrapped his

firmly around his putter, gave it a good stroke, and it went right into the hole

for the climax of the tournament.

Back to you, Tasty.

Thank you.

Thank you, Leg Man.

I wouldn't have thought Gary had the guts to put something like that on the

By the way, be prepared for the new Legman Mac news program, the Hooker

Report. It's a convention favorite.

No man with a hundred bucks in his pocket and an itch in his pants should

the streets without first knowing where the hookers are and the vice cops are.

KNUT will be bringing you an all -new, ultra -sexy bedtime hour program.

I don't know what's come over me.

I get so horny listening to this.

I've got to find somewhere.

And DJ Dick Clark will host another new program, a simulcast of X -rated videos.

Stay tuned for more on that coming soon.

But for now, the music just grew back.

What's got into you?

Haven't you heard?

Heard what?

Your DJ.

Uh, tomorrow.

I don't want to think about this anymore today.

So you haven't been listening today?

Hell no.

Good night.

And, uh, don't look so athletic.

Evelyn, what did you say?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Oh, he wasn't listening.

But I was.

You've got my back. You're so hot.

Just dying for a big hard cock.

Madeline, not here, please.

Get

up

here.

Go ahead, eat me.

I want to eat you.

Stick your driver in there.

But you're a hot cock.

Are you still here?

This is Tasty Tastin' signing off for the evening.

To all you guys, keep it up. To all you girls, keep it hot.

Coming up real soon, taking over the helm, is that fabulous Dr.

Fermento.

Well, hello out there in radio land.

It's a cool evening out there, so that means those bedrooms had better start

heating up.

You know, all this new programming kind of got me a little, uh, hot, you know.

How about you come on over to my house and I'll help you cool down a little?

Oh, that's a date, but this one's not for broadcast.

You got a deal?

I've got a little note here that later on we are inviting Tasty's Fantasy

Contest when a delicious young...

girl by the name of captain mitchell to give her a grand tour of the studio but

first we have a real treat for you and a new song by hauling ass is called

methods of modern sex

I love you.

asking me if I've been listening. Listening to what?

That.

What is that?

Your station.

My station?

Oh, it's so wonderful, Barry.

That cheap shit that's coming from K -N -U -T.

Look, it's a dial.

Put your gun down.

Where are those goddamn shells?

Oh, there aren't any, and you're not going anywhere tonight.

I'm wrong.

Totally wrong.

Oh, I think it's neat.

Neat? You think it's neat when the FCC is going to pull my license?

When Ryan...

Talk about this in the morning.

I don't know.

Right now.

I'm going to do some action.

after one of the tastiest fantasy contests is here right now, and that's

Kathy Mitchell. She's a young and very sexy, sexy lady that has

always fantasized about being with a DJ.

Mm -mm.

And we're going to be doing that right now. And Kathy, why don't you say hi out

there to Radioland?

Hi, everybody. I'm like, oh, this is like totally awesome. I'm like so...

So inside it, in fact, that the doctor thinks the girl's got a fever.

She's running a temperature.

But there's a cure for this girl that I'm going to give her, and it's going to

be my famous meat injection with lots of protein.

So we're going to have for you tonight an hour of commercial -free music.

what I said. That's right, an hour of commercial -free music where I test out

Tasty's Fantasy Girl. Woo -hoo!

Yeah!

And that's all for them folks out there. Not for you, girl.

Totally awesome.

Oh, yeah.

You know, Tasty's ought to have a contest a little more often. Shouldn't

darling?

Oh,

yeah.

It's just what the doctor ordered.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Dr.

Pimentel, you want to see something, like, totally awesome?

Yeah, why not?

Where'd my dick go, girl?

You swallowed that thing all the way down.

Really awesome.

The way you suck on my longboard.

Just think I get my fantasy cured and yours too.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's perfect. Just like that.

Oh, yeah.

All the way down.

That thing disappeared.

But it's a little bit...

Mom, the doctor can't eat that while you're giggling like that. Put that

still.

You know, you know what, Dr.

Pimento? I got a totally awesome idea.

Oh, oh, yes. Oh, God, this is, like, totally awesome.

I can't wait to tell the girls back at the Galleria that they're not going to

believe me.

Totally awesome. I can't even believe it.

Those other DJs can see me now.

Down there, girl.

Oh, like the girls can just like see me out there.

Do it doggy style?

Oh, get at it.

Oh,

God,

this is like totally awesome.

You know, everybody wants to be the doctor, but nobody feels like she's

than me, huh, babe?

I'm going to come, baby. I'm going to... The doctor's going to come for you, and

I'm going to give you a protein shot.

Yes.

Oh, I thought you said you had, oh, like some protein...

Oh, no.

Babe, just like that.

Yeah.

Right. Right.

personal advice.

Totally good for the complexion.

That's right.

Well, here's to a new career.

What do you mean?

Well, I figure after today, that's it as far as career and radio is concerned.

Well, it was fun while it lasted, though.

Yeah. You've always really wanted to do something crazy like that. What are you

going to do now?

I thought I'd get those videos together for tomorrow night's simulcast.

Well, if there's anything at all like your radio ideas, I've got to be great.

I hope so. Show me then.

Okay.

Well, you're a real...

Well, there's only one thing I got to say about that.

What's that?

With a face like yours, you've got no business behind a microphone.

You ought to be in pictures.

Or television.

You know what I've always wanted to do?

What's that?

Make love to you.

Oh, I'm kind of glad you brought that up. Why?

I've always wanted to make love to you, too.

Oh.

I need you to look for a job.

What do you mean that he doesn't know it?

Well, yesterday he was so upset he didn't even listen to the broadcast.

So he doesn't know.

I don't think so.

By God, by now he ought to have known it. I mean, his phone ought to have been

off the hook all night.

He knows.

What the fuck has been going on yesterday?

When I say try something, I meant within the FCC's rules.

I've been wanting to say this for a very, very long time.

You're all...

Fired!

Gary, Gary, you son of a bitch.

Came from the golf course with this. You know what this is?

Judge, why don't we step into my office?

What I have to say goes for everyone.

The rating.

Gary, you're number one.

What? You were the hottest radio station in the market yesterday.

All right!

Hey, you know, I got some sexually oriented clients.

You know, like, uh... The L. West, Joe Lars, Mitchell Brothers, the Lansing

Cinema Theater.

Think you can handle those for me? Yeah, we can handle them at our station.

Gary, that's what I like, a man with balls.

And I always thought you were a panty -waist.

Hey, everybody, back to work. We have a station to run.

I thought we were fired.

Oh, that.

I was only kidding.

You know what I always say?

Joke them if they can't take a fuck.

Let's go play golf, Gary. All right.

Yeah! All right!

Oh,

I can't believe it. It's great.

And we all lived happily ever after.