All language subtitles for [English] Inside Lara Roxx [DownSub.com]

- Hey, beauty.

- What's up, beautiful?

What's your name?

- Hey, what's your name?

- I'm Kevin.

- Hi, Kevin. - I'm Dakota.

- [Man] How you doin', honey?

- I'm good, and you?

- [Man] Good, what's your name?

- I'm Lara.

- [Man] Lara? - Yeah.

- Listen, Lara, do you think you can give us a hand here?

Let me tell you a little bit what we're doing.

We've got a little school project

that we're doing with those two boys right back there.

- All right. - Okay?

And, it's a lot of fun, it's a new experience.

I think you're gonna like it.

You wanna give us a try?

- Sure, why not?

- [Dakota] What's up, beautiful?

- What's up?

- Nice to see you here.

- [Man] Well, I'll tell you what, honey.

This is what we're gonna do.

- All right.

- [Man] You're gonna have these two lovely boys

stick their cock in your mouth.

How do you like that?

- I like that.

- [Man] Let's get to it, boys.

Get her naked. - Okay.

- [Man] Okay.

Camera. - Sorry.

I was trying to throw it, like--

- [Man] Just leave it behind you.

Who cares? - Sorry.

I was trying to-- - Leave it behind you.

Stop trying to figure things out.

Just let it happen.

- Well, well, well-- - Are you pierced?

- [Man] "Well, well." - Some person asked me

to do that once, and--

- [Man] So, that was once.

- Yeah, I know. - Okay?

Keep it going, that's good, okay?

Don't be afraid to fucking kiss her.

What was that?

The fuck was that?

What the fuck?

You're all tested.

Everybody here was tested.

Everybody here's clean.

Okay?

- All right. - You're tested?

- Yeah.

- [Man] Okay.

- [Mia] This is one of Lara's first porn shoots.

She is 21 years old,

and this is only her fifth time in front of the camera.

Her plan is to move from Montreal to LA

and do porn for a few years,

make a ton of money, and then move on.

Unfortunately, this plan didn't turn out to be so simple.

Two months after doing this scene,

she would contract HIV

from an infected partner on a porn set.

(melodious instrumental music)

(speaking in French)

- [Woman] There is turmoil tonight

in the world of pornography.

- [Man] The health scare continues this morning.

- [Man] His adult film career is over.

- [Mia] The media was consumed

with the story for weeks,

and Lara Roxx found herself

at the center of this media frenzy.

- [Woman] She thought she'd do a short stint in porn movies.

She says she was firm,

she would not have any unconventional intercourse,

and absolutely no scenes without a condom.

But, she says, her agent warned

that she wouldn't get much work that way.

- [Mia] But her 15 minutes of fame were short lived.

The media exhausted the story and moved on.

But I couldn't forget about Lara so easily.

I understood that this story

was far more complex than the headlines.

- [Lara] Who's gonna wanna have a dog and kids with me,

you know, and a house?

No one.

- [Mia] I had worked in strip clubs for several years

and had just finished a documentary

photo series on sex workers when she made headlines.

I had met many empowered sex workers

who understood their limits,

but unfortunately I also met a lot of girls like Lara

who didn't really understand where to draw the line.

I decided to write her a letter, offering to help her,

if she ever wanted to share her story with the world.

It took almost a year for her to call, and when she did

she told me that she'd just

admitted herself into the hospital.

She invited me to come and meet her.

- You want to hear a song I wrote three years ago?

- [Mia] Yeah.

♪ Let me introduce myself

♪ Jump off my freakin' shelf

♪ Been sitting here for so long ♪

♪ Now it's time for me to get it on ♪

♪ I'm lighter than a feather

♪ Sicker then your cat litter

♪ Always grow bigger

♪ You could call me clever

♪ Kill kill kill kill me?

♪ What?

♪ Never

- You want to see what they do to me?

They tie me up with these.

See, that goes around my ankle like this,

and then they lock it like this, and I can't get out,

can't go nowhere,

can't do nothing but cry.

I want the cure, I want to be a millionaire

so I could buy the cure.

Cherry?

- [Mia] Lara was in the psychiatric ward.

I felt uncomfortable turning on my camera,

but she urged me to.

In her words, she wanted the world to see

what had become of Lara Roxx.

As much as she seemed to like the attention,

I decided that I would wait until she felt more stable

before filming her again.

Let's go.

- [Lara] I was trying to put my shirt on--

- How are you?

- So, since I contracted HIV,

it's been two years and a half,

and I went through a lot of phases.

I mean, like...

I went through a lot of phases.

Like, right, like,

Maybe we should...

I don't know.

Um...

Okay, start again.

I was expecting a reaction from people,

even from my own family, especially from my own family.

And I projected it

and made it happen type of thing, you know?

I expected my parents to be grossed out,

to label me as already dead.

To be ashamed.

You know.

And, basically, like, reject me.

Like, basically, make a cross on me

and say, "Oh, we don't have this daughter no more."

Like, that's what I expected.

(doorbell rings)

(speaking in French)

- [Lara] It was my first, my first camera.

- [Mia] How old were you in this one?

- [Lara] Ten, nine.

I didn't like the way my mom dressed me

for the school picture.

- [Mia] But what about this one?

Do you like your hair?

- [Lara] Yeah, I loved it.

My dad did it for me.

- [Mia] Really?

- [Lara] Yeah.

- [Mia] How old were you here?

- [Lara] I'll tell you in a minute.

- [Mia] That's really cute.

- So, she kept getting more and more manipulative,

especially with my parents,

where she would try to get

every advantage she could from one side

or from my father and my mother and,

it actually got to a point

where they kept on fighting about her so much.

It wasn't happy times.

Well, first of all, our parents are divorced,

and got divorced basically,

through the whole process of her

going through juvenile detention,

and it got very heavy in the house,

and my father being in Italy,

he deals with it over the phone.

Stop.

(instrumental rock music)

- What are you smiling about today, Maury?

- My next guest says she was just like these girls.

Her name is Lara.

At one time, she was an out of control teen,

was having sex, was running the streets.

She's here today because she was like all of you kids,

and now she's gonna pay for it with her life.

- I had to go, like,

"I used to do sexual favors for money,

just like you admit to doing".

It was like, "So, I went from stripping..."

Okay, sorry.

- [Mia] And they wrote this all for you before?

- Yes, yes.

I was just like all of you when I was your age.

But I kept on making bad decisions.

I went from stripping to getting money for sex

to making porn videos and having more unprotected sex.

From that, I contracted HIV.

I'm going to die.

Do you hear me?

I'm going to die.

It's too late for me to change my fate,

but it's not too late for you.

- Everybody, welcome Lara.

Here she is.

So, what would you tell these mothers, Lara?

- Keep on trying.

Don't give up.

- You sit down here, Lara.

I know you're gonna help these moms, okay?

- These girls were really paying attention

to what I was telling them, and,

I guess they kind of look up to me in a sick way,

and that's, that's not good.

I think I'm gonna stick to these girls' mind.

Like, they might not...

It might not make a difference now,

but later they'll think about me.

I have mixed feelings about the Maury show

because they're scripting...

They're scripting what I have to say to the people,

and they're telling me to say stuff like,

"HIV is a death sentence."

They're not telling me to say that clearly in those words,

but it's like, "I have HIV and I'm gonna die,"

which is pretty much, pretty close.

And so it's like the whole point of doing the documentary

is to awake people on how it isn't a death sentence anymore,

and I'm living a normal life,

although, yes, I have many doctor's appointments,

and I have to take these pills every day,

which really sucks for a 24-year-old, but,

but then, if that's gonna get me through life

till I'm 160 years old, it's gonna get me through life.

They're not approaching this issue the right way,

and, of course, it's not like

I'm gonna go tell these teens that,

"Oh, you can totally catch HIV and it's cool."

It's not cool, but if you do catch it,

it's not the end of life, you know?

- [Mia] We decided to head back to LA

and revisit some of the people and places that Lara knew

during her short stint in porn.

This would be her first time back

since she tested positive for HIV three years earlier.

- So, we are now packing for LA!

Wow!

Woooo!

- [Mia] Are you nervous about going?

- Yeah, I'm kind of...

Yeah, I'm nervous.

I keep on having dreams, like, weirder and weirder,

like about getting ready for LA.

Like, I also get dreams where I just got my passport

and then somebody runs off with it, and...

I get dreams I get stopped at the border.

The truth is, I'm hoping that everything goes, like,

not according to the plan,

because we don't really have like a plan plan,

but I mean, like, we see everybody we want to see.

- [Mia] Mm-hmm.

- And um...

And, that I say, and I find the words to say,

what I want to say to those people, you know?

I'm like this little kid that's been in porn for two months,

and I'm gonna go to the porn industry in LA

and talk to them about safe sex?

Like, nobody's gonna listen, obviously, you know?

(instrumental rock music)

So, my agent in Montreal

didn't want to send me in California yet.

He thought I wasn't ready yet.

So I started looking on the internet for agents

that were already down here,

and would pay for my way out there.

And I found this guy, Thomas Hope.

He had this website, EcstasyModels.com.

- I came into contact with Lara

when a friend of mine named Mark Anthony

gave me a call on the set,

and said that he would like me to speak to a young lady

who was interested to come into California and perform.

And she had performed, I guess,

in a few projects out there, I don't know,

but she was ready to, you know, do the big time.

If you're in the business, California is where it is.

If you do porn in New York, Miami, it's not the same,

because we're the porn capital.

So, I talked to her, we exchanged numbers,

talked a few times, and I think it was like,

only like maybe a week, two weeks after we spoke,

she was actually on the next thing,

spoke to her in California,

and immediately got her tested, and got her on the set.

- Ooh, see?

Darren James.

Back up a little bit, take a look at her.

Look at this body.

Ooh.

What's your name?

- Lara.

- Lara.

International Booty.

Number one.

What's your age?

- Mmm, 19.

- 19.

I like that.

Let's make it 18 next time.

- All right, all right.

- Turn around.

Stay right there.

I want to kiss that, hold on.

Stay right there.

I want to kiss that.

Can you read that?

"Kiss this."

Mmm.

Damn.

International Booty.

You see that?

That's what it's about.

The booty.

Mmm!

Turn around for a minute.

When's the first time you had sex?

- I was 16.

- 16.

That's what I'm talking about.

But one thing that's real important,

she's got some nice fucking tits.

- After shooting with Darren James,

I started feeling sick right away,

so I was, like, always canceling all my bookings.

And, Thomas started getting nervous

because I was costing him more

than I was actually making him.

I was feverish.

Like, I had all kinds of cold sweats.

It was, like, I don't know.

I never came off of heroin,

but I bet it's kind of like that.

I was convinced I had mono.

When I was younger and my parents would not permit me

to go somewhere or something,

I would break everything in my room,

so when Daniel Perrault called me

and told me I shot with somebody that was HIV positive,

and I was like, "Oh my God. It wasn't mono. It was HIV."

That's when I started trashing the room.

- [Mia] One of the people Lara

had mixed feelings about revisiting was Dr. Sharon Mitchell,

who diagnosed her as HIV positive.

In the car ride over to the Adult Industry Medical Clinic,

I wondered how Lara was going to react

to the woman who gave her the worst news of her life.

- Hello, my name is Dr. Sharon Mitchell,

and I was an actress and a producer, director, stripper,

and just about anything else

you can possibly think of

in the adult entertainment industry for over 21 years,

and for the past 10 years I've been working

at AIM Healthcare Foundation.

I founded AIM for you.

When I was working in the business,

there was no organization that provided HIV testing,

counseling, GYN services,

or basically a big brother or sister

that you could come to and talk to

about your inner-most problems working in the industry.

So I've assembled a staff

and this Porn 101 video just for you.

Oh, my God!

Hi, honey.

- Hi.

- Aha!

I got married two years ago.

- [Lara] Seriously?

- [Sharon] Yeah.

I'm very happy.

- [Lara] That's good.

I'm happy for you.

- Yes.

And you?

How have you been?

- I've been good.

- You've been through a lot.

- Yeah. - I mean, you know,

it's been a long time.

I'm glad that you seem to be doing well.

- Yeah, I think I'm, I just started recently feeling

like I've become myself again.

- [Sharon] Yeah.

- Yeah, and even now I don't feel like I'm fully there,

but it's coming there.

- You were thrown into such a bad situation.

I mean, you had just come in,

and it was like the second or third movie you had done.

You just came here for a little while to make money, right?

- Mm-hmm, yeah.

- And you fell in with a bad group of people,

and had very bad luck.

And I'm so sorry for that.

I am so sorry for that.

It was just a, it was a very bad situation.

- I wish somebody could have told me, like, I don't know.

I don't know.

I wish somebody would have told me

that agents will try to tell you

"HIV is just a myth" type of thing, you know?

- A lot of people want advice,

and when they come in, they, you know,

they look for father figures, and these guys are just--

- Perfect.

- Perfect father figures, and they're gonna tell these girls

anything you want to hear,

and these girls are gonna believe it.

They're gonna say, "Oh, don't worry about it," you know?

"What are the odds?

A million to one?"

Well, what the fuck difference does it make?

If the odds are a million to one,

and you're one in a million sitting in my chair,

and I'm telling you you have HIV,

what the fuck are you gonna care what the odds are?

Really, you know? - Exactly.

- And, and, you know, these,

these fucking agents drive me crazy, you know.

They do.

They really do.

- [Mia] Do you give advice to girls,

like, that are, like, first-time performers

that you might represent,

or you know, people that have doubt--

- I do in most cases.

I have, you know, you have this little spiel at AIM

when they go get tested,

and I have the little talk with the girls

with this and that.

But I was under the impression

that she was a performer in Canada, not,

you know, I'm not gonna give her no rundown

just because the state changed.

The way they have sex in Canada,

they have sex in California,

and they probably have sex on the moon the same way.

There was--

I didn't go over this spiel with her.

And she was a know-it-all anyway.

If she was brand new and told me she'd never done a scene,

I probably couldn't have told her what to do.

You could tell this girl nothing.

- My name's Dick Nasty.

I've been around the porn industry now

for about 25 years or so.

More recent years,

apart from being a performer in the movies,

I've been an agent acting on behalf of female talent,

predominantly coming into the business

and helping get them work.

Meriesa Arroyo was one of the girls

that I was representing at the time of the HIV crisis,

and I had the unhappy duty

of letting her know that she had HIV.

- I knew that we both contracted it from the same person.

- [Lara] Mm-hmm.

- When I had first been told that I had HIV, I,

you know, the first,

at least the first month, I had a hard time,

I had a hard time looking at myself naked.

- [Lara] You saw HIV.

- [Meriesa] I saw HIV.

- I completely stopped shaving and taking care of myself

for like a whole year.

- You did?

See, me, it only lasted, you know,

through therapy and through,

you know, learning about depression.

I didn't, um--

- I didn't have access to that where I'm from, see.

- See, that's what's hard, and that's what I worried about.

You know, the only regret that I've had

for the past couple of years

is the fact that I didn't get

to give you a hug and tell you

that I love everything about you.

I'm like one of your biggest fans.

I went out and I decided to become a porn star.

I decided to make X amount of movies.

I decided to make this a personal journey, you know?

And I'm not trying to make this

a personal journey in your life,

but I do admire you,

and you've helped make me

a part of the person that I am,

and every fan that loves me,

and every person that looks at me,

looks at me because I love you,

and I will always love you.

- I don't know if it's bad to say this or not,

but I just feel like I'm not alone,

and I'm kind of happy, like, I'm not happy you catched HIV;

that's not what I'm saying.

- I'm glad that you don't feel alone,

because if me living the life that I live

makes you a more complete person, then I'm doing my job.

- [Mia] Lara took me to meet the man

she referred to as Papa Bear.

Bill Margold got his start in the adult industry in 1971

as a performer and then later an agent.

He eventually took on a sort of

paternal role in the business

and opened up his non-profit organization,

"Protecting Adult Welfare".

Go back to, like, 2004,

do you remember the day when Lara came--

- I remember the day, I can't tell you the day of the week,

but I know it was April.

I know that Rayveness, who I've always been a friend with,

brought her in here.

She had been diagnosed.

And I remember holding Lara,

and she was shaking.

I had never held a person who shook that much.

And then she felt that she was being comforted by me,

but she, I remember her peeking over the shoulder,

and, it was right here that we did it.

And she noticed, for some reason,

the bear at the end of the couch,

and stopped hugging me and grabbed a hold of the bear,

and basically said, "I want this bear", and quite frankly,

I had never particularly liked that bear.

I had never figured out where the bear

came from in the first place.

It was wearing sunglasses and a trench coat,

and I always wondered what was wrong with that bear

and who gave it to me,

but it was always living at the end of the couch

as if it was inspecting--

- He's an inspector!

- A few days later, somebody called me up and said,

"You're an asshole.

All you do is give them a bear

and then tell them to leave."

And I said, "Well, you're a stupid b--"

You know, I hung up the phone,

and within a day or so that picture came out

of her sitting on the couch with her bear,

and I have never felt more validated.

We've had, since this industry has recorded cases of HIV,

17 heterosexual cases of HIV

in the hundreds of thousands of sex scenes

that have been basically videoed or filmed

since I've been in this industry.

And, again, I who loathe condoms,

wouldn't put one on if my life depended on it,

I'm basically living proof that HIV

is not as easy to catch as you may think it is.

I would be happy to fuck your brains out,

and I guarantee you I won't catch HIV.

- [Lara] Okay, I have nothing to say anymore.

- What, have I embarrassed you?

- Yeah.

- Question: did anybody put a gun to your head

when you performed in this business?

- No, but I don't think I would have made any money

if I said I was condom-only.

- You walked on a razor blade and you got cut.

But you can't point fingers at anybody

for putting that razor blade there--

- [Lara] Who was the razor blade?

- [Bill] Except yourself.

- [Mia] How are you feeling?

- Good.

- [Mia] How has the week going so far?

- Cool.

(melodious instrumental music)

- I started in 1975 as a performer.

20 years ago we were just out-of-work actors and actresses.

There was 30 of us, you know.

And we were using condoms most of the time,

and if someone got an STD they would tell someone else,

but it was very rare that someone would get an STD,

because there were so few of us working.

And we always had the choice to use condoms,

we always had the choice to pick our partners.

Even when the industry moved to California in 1982

and it became more like 300 people,

now there's between 2000 and 3000 people

that we test a month, just so you know.

It's gotten that big.

But, then it started getting a little,

a little scary.

But I was still able to demand condoms,

because I was, you know,

I was a reputable star at that time,

so I was able to say, "No, I'm not working with him,

and I'm not doing that, and I need a condom for this."

But as the girls became newer and newer,

their choices became less and less.

- [Mia] Do you think a girl can get into this business

and make money without doing anal sex at all?

Today?

- Can someone get in without doing actual anal sex?

It's sort of possible.

If she's 18 and super cute,

she could probably get away with it,

certainly for a while, at least.

If she wants to stay in for a long time,

make a lot of money, no.

You've got to be realistic.

So, that's what the public want to see.

- People now either enter it because of the money

or the sex or the fame, you know?

It boils down to those three reasons,

and the people that have the worst go at it

are the ones that need to be known for something,

so they're willing to do anything, you know,

including sit on a fire hydrant with no lubricant,

and, you know, a goat and six guys and no condoms,

and, you know: "But I'm gonna be on the cover of AVN,

and I'm gonna win Best Actress!" you know?

And it's a very desperate thing to see, you know?

And when I see this,

there are days that I see this and I think to myself,

"My God, are you just,

are you really being of service,

or are you just fattening people up for the kill?"

I mean, what are you really doing here, you know?

I have to ask myself that question at least once a week.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Come in.

So, I'm Anita Cannibal.

I started in the business in 1994, in Canada,

in a dive club just like you.

I saw porn as a career advancement

to get what I wanted,

which was the $3,500 a week on the road dancing.

Instead of the $600 Canadian, I'd get $3,500 American.

Big difference. - Mm-hmm, yeah.

- So, Wicked, Vivid, and VCA had a meeting

with all the performers in 1998 to tell us

that they were going to be condom-only

and that we would not starve and they would get us work

as long as we held tight and we were condom-only.

I'm like the only one left,

and Wicked is the only company left.

Nobody else is condom-only from that day, and today--

- [Lara] Do you still get work?

- I still get work.

I still get the same amount of work

because I don't feature dance anymore, I do school,

so I'm busy anyway.

So if I try to get work all the time,

I'll get about 25 movies a year.

Other girls will get, like, 25 movies a week.

Which is ridiculous,

but, I won't do non-condom work.

So, fuck it.

I don't care.

I still get the same amount of movies.

I'm critical of the fact that the industry,

as I see the landscape available to me as a woman,

whether it's phone sex, or lap dancing,

or stage dancing, or fucking in the brothel,

fucking on film, sucking dick on stage, whatever,

they should all have the element of safety on the worksite.

And they don't.

Testing doesn't work.

It's failed.

It's a failed system.

And the message that it sends out

to the community at large that,

"Okay, if we get tested, it's all good.

Let's fuck now."

Well, I'm sorry, but if you and I get tested

and you don't have anything and I don't have anything,

okay, great, well, what'd you do last week?

- Who did you have sex with yesterday off set?

- I mean, that's--

- [Lara] Yeah, exactly.

- Your test is only good for, like, if you're in incubation.

I can show you my condoms.

They're right there by your foot.

My little drawer.

- [Lara] Do you have female condoms and stuff?

- [Anita] Yes. - [Lara] Or just men condoms?

Oh, yeah?

- [Anita] Yes.

- [Lara] She's got handcuffs.

- [Anita] I have black condoms

in case you're on your period.

I can't believe you're not dancing still.

It is so fun, especially in Canada featuring.

- I want to stay in the business, but not as a performer.

Like, I mean, I want to make this

a better place for performers.

That's what I really wish for.

I just don't feel that I'm,

I have the strength anymore to be a performer.

- Well, just do, like, go to school

and figure out what it is you want to do.

- Mm-hmm.

That's what I'm doing.

- And talk.

All the time.

You have a gift.

You have HIV.

That's fucking important.

People need to hear about that.

- Well...

I don't know.

I don't, like...

I'm, I don't know.

I'm too tired to be on camera.

- [Mia] So, how's, the trip been for you?

- It's been great.

So much unexpected stuff happened.

I love life, and it breaks my heart when I don't respect it,

and I was looking at myself

not respecting life for a long time.

And I just can't go on that way.

It's like an indirect suicide, you know?

I'm killing what I believe in, you know?

- [Mia] Do you think before you weren't respecting yourself

because you thought,

like, you didn't have self-esteem, or?

- I never did really respect myself.

And it wasn't,

respecting yourself is much bigger than most people think.

Like, I thought I was respecting myself.

I was...

Your question annoyed me.

- [Mia] Me?

- Yeah.

- [Mia] Why, how?

- Because I already answered it.

I don't know.

I just, uh...

What was the question again?

- [Mia] It had been a long week of shooting,

and I started to sense that Lara was feeling overwhelmed.

She told me that she needed some time alone,

but she didn't tell me where she was going,

so I just waited.

We had a bit of an argument tonight.

- Yeah.

It was all my fault.

No, I'm just joking.

- [Mia] Like, when you took off, I was worried because,

like, I know you went off your medication,

and I was afraid that maybe

you'd do something impulsive to--

- To prove a point?

- [Mia] Mm-hmm.

But do you think that we had our little blow-up

because you're stressed out about the film or the shooting?

- I think, well, what started...

Like, I don't know.

Maybe we're both stressed out, but...

Sometimes I felt, like, afraid

that you were just pretending to be my friend and,

so you could get the most out of me for the doc, you know?

The only time I'm gonna really find out

is after the movie comes out, you know?

Like, the only time when

I could really be sure that you're really my friend

is when you're still gonna be

my friend afterwards, you know?

I can't be, like, 100% sure until then.

Like, it always feels like I just want to believe

and I'm fooling myself, you know?

Anyway...

- [Mia] I suppose in the past I was worried

that you didn't really want to do the documentary,

but had felt, well, I was concerned

how much you wanted to do the documentary

and for what reasons.

- Yeah.

I maybe don't want, like,

the attention from my neighbors and everything.

People I've worked with in offices

and that have no idea I'm Lara Roxx

and that will when this movie comes out,

and it's just important for me to confront that

because if I don't do the documentary

because I'm afraid of what people

are gonna think of me after, then it's just,

well, I don't know how to say that,

but it's just stupid, you know?

It's just selfish, in a way.

- [Mia] But can you feel proud of this stuff?

Like, Bill Margold was saying, like--

- You should be proud?

Like, I don't feel ashamed.

I don't think I, I don't think it's anything to be proud of,

but I don't think it's something

you should be ashamed of either.

- [Mia] Then why can't you--

- I mean, it's so easy to do.

Like, you can't,

you can't be proud of something that's, like, too easy.

Like, my dad told me I should be proud

I'm courageous and everything,

but I don't think it's courage.

I don't think courage exists.

It's just a lack of fear,

and a lack of fear doesn't mean you're courageous;

it might mean you're stupid.

I love danger.

Like, it's not being courageous;

it's, like, seeking it, you know what I mean?

- [Mia] On the set with T.T. Boy and Darren James

when they asked you to do the double anal,

do you think that you were fearless,

or courageous, to do it?

- That day...

I had like a secret crush on Mark Anthony,

and I was just trying to please him, seriously.

It was...

So, neither fearless or courageous.

Just, like, some chick that likes a guy, you know?

He was the director on the set

where I did the film with Darren James.

He had a huge influence on me, actually, like--

- [Mia] Did he talk you into doing the double anal, or--

- Yeah, I didn't want to do it.

I didn't feel like doing it.

I was like, "Well, I was told

I was doing a double penetration scene,"

and he was like,

"Yeah, well, that's it. We're doing double anal."

And he was like, "You would be really helping me out."

Like, he did that friend thing, you know?

"You'd really be helping me out,

because most of the girls come here to do the double anal

and then they chicken out of it,

and, like, we're making this movie about double-anals,

and we have no double-anal scenes.

It would really, like, help me out if you did it."

So I did, you know?

Anyway...

I think he knew.

That's why I blame him.

You know?

But I can't blame him for catching HIV,

but I blame him for using me

because he knew I would do anything he told me to

because I had a crush on him.

Anyway...

- [Mia] Did he, has he talked to you

since you tested positive?

- [Lara] No.

(upbeat rock music)

(speaking indistinctly)

- So, welcome to hell.

This is Las Vegas.

It's, uh...

It's gonna be fun.

- The first day we got there, I was feeling claustrophobic,

and I was, like, "Nobody knows who I am anyway,

and, like, what the fuck?"

And then people started coming up to me, and, like,

"Hey, it's so nice to meet you finally," blah, blah, blah,

and I was like, "Yeah..."

And then I didn't expect that.

Vegas is awesome.

I thought it would be like...

I share this booth with Protecting Adult Welfare

because my cause is also for adult welfare, which is,

I'm now president of the Lara Roxx Foundation,

and, um, they're, we're collecting donations,

and basically what the Lara Roxx Foundation does

is spread awareness

within the industry about HIV,

and also to the general public.

- I mean, do you feel like people

should not be shooting scenes without condoms?

Or should be doing a different testing regiment?

- Right, I feel, I feel both.

Like, I feel like people should, not "mandatory condoms".

I don't think the government should impose it.

I think the industry should come to a consensus

that it's a condoms-only industry.

We did a double anal penetration with--

- You're so tiny!

How do you...

How can you do something like that?

I can't even hardly get it in my pussy.

- [Lara] Well, I didn't know I could, but, like--

- You'd never done it before?

- [Lara] No, that was the first time.

- On film?

- [Lara] Yeah.

- You're not supposed to do stuff like that on film.

Didn't it hurt?

- Yeah, it did, but I was, like,

picturing myself in a very nice place.

Whatever.

It really hurt.

- Oh, you poor baby!

The industry can be kind of a, you now, kinda neat,

you know, little family type of thing.

But sometimes I think sometimes

people get taken advantage of,

and especially nowadays with the internet

it's becoming more dangerous,

and I think a lot more people

are being taken advantage of,

and I shouldn't be saying this,

but it is true, and we all know that.

- I never thought, like, yesterday I was being all serious,

"This is a really important cause. Donate."

And people were like, "Oh, sorry. I'll come back later,"

and would never come back.

Now I'm like, "I'll flash my tits for you,"

and they're like, "Yeah, sure."

Giving.

They don't care who they're giving to.

All they want is to see ass and tits,

so, you know, like, you gotta use what you have

and give them what they want.

Basically.

It sucks, but that's what life, like, reality of life.

Here's Ron.

- Here's Lara.

Here's Ron.

We're gonna boss this girl around, aren't we?

- [Man] It's a tennis match!

- She's going, "Stop bossing me around!"

- So, Ron knows a lot about HIV,

and I mean, you used to bareback, right?

- Here's where half the crowd disappears.

Ha ha!

That's funny!

You're helping me out.

There's too many people here anyway.

You're eating with a guy, don't bring up HIV.

The guy's gonna go, "Hey, cheque please. Gotta go."

Yes, I've done a lot of bareback movies.

'Cause we're all tested.

I mean, to be totally safe, you should, of course.

But keep in mind, A, we're tested;

B, we pull it out to climax.

That takes a lot of the chances of,

other than a cream pie,

you're only risking what's called pre-seminal fluid

or pre-ejaculate.

So there's still a risk, but there's less of a risk,

because the major bulk goes outside the body, you see.

So that's that.

Also, we kind of know each other;

it's kind of a family in some ways.

Now, some of these things that are a little risque,

like Goes to Brazil,

might get a little bit nervous about them,

so, you know, certain things,

you know, make it a little bit safer,

but of course rubbers are the best, we agree.

- I'm really proud of you.

I'm really proud of you. - Thank you.

- I mean, like, I'm getting all, like, emotional.

I'm so proud of you for doing that.

It's huge. - Thank you.

And sometimes I'm asked to give advice to girls

that just got in the industry,

and the number one thing I'll say is respect yourself.

♪ I can't stand to see you cry

♪ Flooding up with the bluest eyes ♪

- What advice would you give her?

She's brand new and has never done a scene yet.

What kind of advice would you give her

coming into the industry, knowing what you know now?

- Yeah.

- [Lara] Don't do anything stupid.

- Yeah?

- [Lara] Like, precisely,

I wish you would do only stuff with condoms.

- Yes. - Yeah.

Yeah, 'cause the test is, like, they use it to, like,

prevent, but it's not prevention;

it's just monitoring, you know?

A condom prevents shit.

No condom, don't do anal.

- Well, I wouldn't, I wouldn't,

even at home with my boyfriend,

I wouldn't do anal without a condom.

- [Lara] Seriously?

You wouldn't do it at home?

- Yeah.

- [Lara] Why do it on camera, you know?

- [Man] There's going to be a lot of pressure on you

if you do this to do anal.

There's a lot of pressure.

- Another one of my big concerns was that

when I was talking to the people at Vivid,

Shyla had mentioned that, like,

90% of the talent has, like, herpes.

Genital herpes.

So, I didn't really know that they didn't check for herpes.

So I was just like,

"Um, I don't know about that. 90%?

That's kind of high.

And you guys want me to fuck without a condom?"

I'm like, "I don't know. I'm gonna have to think about it."

- When something goes against your ethics,

you know, like, you just don't do it.

You have to respect yourself first, you know?

- How does it feel to be back at one of these conventions?

- It's great, actually.

I love it.

Like, I thought, I wasn't sure what to expect

from the reactions from the people in the industry,

and it's great.

I'm getting great reactions.

- Now, so you were at PAW all four days talking about this

and giving out, I'm sure, information to other people

in porn or not in porn about the dangers,

the safety precautions that you may want to take out there,

not just in porn, but in your fucking personal life.

- Exactly.

- I have one more introduction to make,

and it's a little more serious,

but she's come out here to be part of a documentary,

and she's gonna get to sign the wall.

I would like Lara Roxx to come up on stage.

Come on up.

Lara Roxx, if you know anything

about the history of the business,

was a victim of HIV in 2004.

This industry has had a few people come down with HIV.

It is not the fault of the adult entertainment industry.

It's what we call the roll of the dice

within the adult entertainment industry.

She gets to sign the wall,

and maybe 10 to 15 years from now,

she'll get to go in the cement too

to be honored as she well should be.

- Thank you.

I really don't know what to say.

Thanks.

- [Man] Hang in there.

- I told Mia that I wanted to be

the first HIV-positive playmate,

that it would cool if I could be

the first HIV-positive playmate.

And she, whatever, she did something,

and she calls me back and she's like, "You're too late."

- "You're too late."

- [Lara] You are.

- "She's already there."

- [Lara] Yeah, exactly.

"You could be the second one."

- Right.

So when did you test positive?

How old where you?

- I was 21.

You?

- 22.

- [Lara] Mmm.

- And I'd never even thought

that it was a possibility that I could contract it.

- [Lara] Right.

- You know, I thought that it was a gay disease

or an IV drug user disease.

I kept it, ooh, under wraps completely,

except for who I had to tell, you know.

For five years.

- I didn't have that option, like--

- [Mia] Or the choice.

- I'm not sure I would have been able

to be as strong as you are,

because it took me five years of watching the process

and going through my own emotions

and my own feelings with it,

and drinking, I went to bed with a bottle of wine, you know.

And, you know, five years later

I attempted to take my own life, you know,

so I can't imagine the impact of having it all, bam.

I was living to die.

So I was partying, you know.

Just, I didn't care, you know,

just anything to make me feel different

than what I felt that day.

Anything to take away the pain that I was feeling,

you know, of--

- [Lara] To try to forget about it.

- Exactly.

Just want to forget about it.

So I ended up getting really, really sick,

so I got a really good taste of what it was like

to be completely debilitated by the disease.

- [Lara] You want to help me?

- [Mia] Help you what?

- Clean the toilet.

Help me? - No.

Hey.

- Hi!

- [Lara] Hi, nice shoes.

(speaking in French)

- How about we go and have a little drink and wooo-la-oola.

Non?

- Non.

(speaking in French)

- I'm gonna faint.

It's like my dream house.

Like, I used to have this dream when I was a kid,

like every other day, of, like, this house where

I could just get lost,

and then like everywhere I would go

would bring me somewhere.

I wish I could buy this house and fix it up

'cause it's like so,

like, it's like a haunted house or something.

And it has so much potential.

This used to be a mental institute.

You see the door, it's the original door.

They would give the pills here.

Do you see?

Look at the piano, man.

This bench is like a church, church bench.

You see how fucked up it is?

(mellow instrumental music)

- [Mia] As time went on,

Lara became harder and harder to reach.

Months went by with only the occasional phone call.

Eventually, she invited me over to film her again.

- $60 on me.

She's got 50.

That's 110.

That's a gram-point-five.

So I could make, um...

I could make like, eight or nine rocks with it.

- [Mia] How much do you smoke a day

on crack when you're out?

- [Lara] $50 worth.

(speaking in French)

- [Mia] When did you move into this place?

- In the month of May.

I've been having problems with this place.

I've been having problems with, like, people living here.

Every day there's like a new guy who comes and tries me.

- [Mia] What do you mean by "tries".

- Like, he tries to, like, impose himself on me,

like walk in here, because I'm a girl,

blah, blah, blah. I hang out with Black guys; he's Black,

he thinks he's just gonna walk in here and...

So I have to constantly defend my turf,

and I'm not even a thug or something.

There's people that do drugs, there's people that buy drugs,

there's people that sell drugs,

there's people that sell their bodies,

there's people on welfare,

and there's like two students, and then that's it.

That's the people in the building.

I had fever yesterday.

I've been taking vitamin C,

cough syrup, ear drops.

By the way, you wanna put a drop in my ear right now?

- [Mia] Sure.

- I don't know, I might have AIDS, but I don't think so.

Want this?

It was a pure coincidence that I got back in the ghetto,

and ghetto mentality never leaves you, never leaves you.

- [Mia] Is this a ghetto where you live?

- Yeah.

This is what I'm saying,

all these rumors are starting here,

because my mom doesn't come see me often enough.

I call my mom, I'm like, I call my sister,

I call my friends, I'm like,

these people think that I'm gonna be intimidated by them

because they haven't seen that I have friends.

They think I'm alone in the world,

that I'm trying to make friends

all over again every four months, you know?

Oh, my kitty cat.

- [Mia] Have you talked to your dad much?

No?

- At all.

It's a very pretty plant.

- [Mia] It is.

- Ahhh.

Fuck him.

- [Mia] Lara ended up back in the hospital,

so I went to visit her.

Two days after I shot this,

she was diagnosed with HIV-related tuberculosis

and was quarantined for six weeks.

- Okay, let's go back on the other side.

It's sunnier.

- [Mia] So, how does it feel to be back at the hospital?

- Ah, like shit.

I wish I was back somewhere else.

- [Mia] The light looks so cool.

- Yeah, it's pretty light.

It makes me think of that shot in California.

- [Mia] Yeah, look.

It's light like that.

- Level of stress sometimes is unbearable.

- [Mia] What do you think you're stressed out about mostly?

- Well, right now is financially.

My place, everybody was persecuting me,

thinking that they didn't know I knew I was Lara Roxx,

that they were gonna tell me that Lara Roxx and Pascale,

was the same person was pretty stressful.

- [Mia] And why was that stressful?

I don't understand.

- Well, everybody thinks they don't know who I am.

I don't know who I am.

(speaking in French)

Die.

I stabbed some motherfucker today for her.

Yeah.

- Don't say that. - I was proud.

Yeah, I'm her lover.

- Don't say that.

(speaking in French)

Oh, yeah, right.

- I've been doing three years--

- I want to show you something.

- In the pen because,

I've been fucking wrong in my life, and, uh...

- [Mia] What the fuck?

- That's the guy's blood on Wolf's shirt.

- [Wolf] It's okay, it's all safe.

- [Mia] Man--

- I'm not proud, but, I did it, I did it by,

by, by instinct.

By instinct, 'cause she came here crying.

"Ooh, yeah. Party, party."

- It's not the first time he did that.

So you should accept that.

No, man.

Fuckin' wrong.

- [Mia] Two years ago, when we came back from LA,

did you think this was where you would be in two years?

- No.

No, not at all.

When I came back from LA, like, I was on a high.

I felt really good.

- [Mia] What are you diagnosed with, like,

for your mental illness?

- Bipolar.

- [Mia] Not borderline?

- Well, this depends.

Like, some doctor says I'm bipolar and borderline,

some doctors say I'm just bipolar,

some doctors say I'm bipolar because of too much drugs.

I think it's, it's the drugs, really, that are doing this.

- [Mia] How much drugs do you do?

- I don't know, like, a gram a day or something.

- [Mia] Is that considered a lot?

I don't know.

- I guess, yeah.

- [Mia] How much money is that a day?

- It's like a hundred bucks.

- [Mia] How do you make your money?

- Well, this is a massage salon.

- [Mia] Are you happy like this, or?

- No, I'm not.

Like, my relationship is so counter-productive

that I don't do anything productive.

- [Mia] Like, you're not taking care of yourself?

- Mm-mm.

I don't even fucking look at myself in the mirror anymore.

I hate this area.

I hate this area.

I don't know.

I'm starting to feel really run-down and sick,

and I don't know if it's,

if I should worry, like, that I'm getting AIDS

or if it's just, like, normal, you know?

- [Mia] Did you go to a doctor yet?

- No.

- [Mia] I think you're looking, I think,

I find that you look a lot

more tired than I've ever seen you before.

- Mmm.

I am really tired.

- [Mia] I think you should go to the hospital tomorrow.

- Yeah, but I'm not gonna go if I'm broke, so...

- [Mia] How much money do you need?

- Like at least, like, 20 bucks

so I could get through the day, and--

- [Mia] What if I gave you $20.

Would you go?

Because I just really want to see you get...

I'm worried.

I just want to see them take care of you a bit, you know?

- Yeah.

This is my messy, messy bed.

When I was about 14 I was sleeping,

like I was alone in the house

with a close male family member.

And, he like, I think I had a nightmare or something.

I can't remember exactly the context,

but I asked, or he asked, whatever.

We ended up sleeping in the same bed together,

and like, a couple of weeks later, he asked me if...

He said he woke up with a wet dream and he asked me

if he had touched me.

Like I was really, I was like, stunned by the question,

so I said like, "What the fuck?"

I would have told you if you touched me or something.

So, I started realizing that I was attractive to men.

And as I hung out with that same family member,

like I saw the way he talked to waitresses and to like,

just random hot women on the street.

So I thought that was gross and disgusting,

and that person went kind of from being my hero

and my role model,

to being just gross and disgusting and sleazy.

That's pretty much why I became an escort

because I realized that

that's what men wanted from women.

I think I liked affection,

but I didn't think it was possible coming from a man.

It's been six years since I got HIV,

and what's going on now is,

well, at one point they thought I was bipolar,

which is manic-depressive,

the new word for manic-depressive.

But now they're finding out that I just

abuse drugs a bit too much,

and they say, like, two years from now,

if I'm still off drugs,

they're just gonna cut off all medication,

except for the HIV medication, of course.

But, um, fucking...

- [Mia] Is this why you're shaking?

Because of the meds?

- No, well, yeah, in a way.

It's a side effect,

but in another way, it doesn't always happen.

It only happens when I'm kind of nervous or uncomfortable.

- [Mia] Are you nervous and uncomfortable now?

- I guess.

'Cause it feels like I'm talking to the whole world.

I know it's just me and you right now.

The thing is, I've been in the,

like, I've been in a regular hospital

in the psychiatric ward for eight months now.

I want to make sure this time,

I really get sick of coming to the hospital,

and I never want to come back again

so that I get it good this time.

- [Mia] What do you hope people learn from it,

from your story?

- I don't know.

I guess they're gonna learn what they have to learn.

- [Mia] When Lara and I set out

to make this documentary five years ago,

I asked her to make a list of people and places

she would like to revisit.

Since we started filming,

she kept referring to juvenile detention

as where it all began.

We couldn't get access to the facility,

but we arranged to meet

two of her counselors from that time.

- [Lara] I haven't been there in, like, 10 years.

- [Mia] There it is.

Can we get in?

- [Lara] These people are always here.

- [Mia] Yeah, you think?

Is this it? - Yeah.

- [Mia] This is it?

- There are two boy units that are, are, like,

for guys who raped, killed, and stuff.

My unit was somewhere up there.

We used to come buy our cigarettes here once a week.

Here.

- [Mia] Does, like, being in this little town,

bring back memories?

- Yeah.

I remember kids, like, having sex

in the back of that little thing there.

- [Mia] Really?

- [Lara] Yeah, kids from the youth protection center.

- [Mia] Is that where you lost your virginity?

- No.

I lost it in the park.

No, actually, I lost it in the bathroom.

- [Mia] The bathroom of the youth protection center?

- No, the bathroom of a gas station.

- [Mia] Are you serious?

- Yeah.

(knocks)

- Hi.

How are you?

- [Mia] Did you write down your dream the other day?

- [Mia] No, you never told me.

- [Mia] Why?

(melodious instrumental music)