Original subtitles

And all finished!

Tomorrow is the unbirthday party, so don't be late.

Time for me to get this dumb collar off once and for all.

Just you wait, house warden.

Trey. Cater.

Please. Help us. It's too much.

I am truly baffled by the audacity of these fools.

What do they take the rules for?

What's this? For painting my roses red,

someone will lose his head!

Oh, no, Your Majesty, please! It's all his fault!

Not me, your Grace! The Ace!

No, the Two!

That's enough!

Off with their heads!

Oh, I couldn't possibly take another bite of tuna.

Another weird dream.

And the party's today. I hope that's not a bad sign.

AN ARMY OF ONE

So sleepy.

That said, I'm pretty stoked to hand over this tart, apologize,

and get this dumb thing off of me.

-Good morning! -Huh?

Hey! Cutting it kinda close, don't you think?

We had to start setting up without you.

I forgot about your signature spell.

Yeah, that really freaked me out.

Aw, we're just giving you a cheerful welcome for your first unbirthday party.

How'd you get your formal wear?

Hand-delivered from his room by yours truly.

Yeah, it had to be. Since someone won't let me in.

Oh, right.

Yeah, that's a snazzy outfit!

Obviously you've got dress to the 99s for a party like this!

And that means you, too, Grimmy.

Whoa!

Man, I look adorable!

-And you've got the tart! -I was afraid you might forget.

Okey dokey. Come on.

On behalf of Heartslabyul House…

Welcome! To our very merry unbirthday party!

Oh, wow. Everything looks so fancy.

Uh… Awful lot of dudes collared-up in here.

We had a situation.

Huh…

Please welcome our leader, the red sovereign himself…

Our house warden Riddle Rosehearts!

Impressive.

Hmm…

Good. The rosebushes are red. The tablecloths are white.

A very well-executed unbirthday.

And the dormouse. Asleep in the teapot, I presume?

Of course.

We've also prepared a jam to spread on its nose, should that become necessary.

Excellent.

Now, let us make a toast before we begin the croquet tournament.

Does everyone have a teacup?

Ahem. On this most inauspicious day, a merry unbirthday.

To you!

Merry unbirthday!

Yum!

Hey, king, I think now's your best chance.

Okay.

Uh, Housewarden.

Hmm?

I wanted to apologize for eating a slice of that strawberry tart,

so Trey helped me bake a whole new one just for you.

Hmm… What kind of tart did you make?

I was hoping you'd ask me that question.

We wanted to indulge your latest craving, so… it's a chestnut tart!

Is that a good face?

You are unbelievable.

Huh?

Queen of Hearts, Rule 562:

"One must never, under any circumstances, bring a chestnut tart

to an unbirthday tea party."

And yet, here you are in flagrant violation!

I am convinced you do this entirely to mock me.

You have ruined the entire event, you imbecile!

What? Rule 562? How many rules are there?

There are 810.

And someone around here must enforce them.

There are 810?

Oh, no. Trey, did you know about this?

I haven't memorized that far.

Only up to 350.

I didn't expect there to be a rule dictating tart flavors.

As house warden of the Heartslabyul House

founded on the Queen of Hearts' strict discipline,

I cannot overlook this infraction! Dispose of that at once!

No way! That's a load of nonsense!

If you're tossing it, I'll eat it!

Housewarden, please accept my apologies.

I was the one who suggested he make a chestnut tart.

Yeah! It never even occurred to us to check if there was a rule against it!

The creation of the tart is not the issue.

The issue is bringing it here! To this tea party! Today of all days!

Forgive me…

But if I may ask, how important is following that particular rule?

I can't imagine that anyone here really cares

about the presence of a chestnut tart.

-What are you say... -He's right, you know.

Don't be such an idiot.

"Idiot"?

How dare you!

Okay, reel it back! We don't use that word around here.

I don't care, I'm saying it! You're an idiot!

Everyone hates these rules. They're ridiculous!

I have to side with Ace on this. You're just being unreasonable.

How very brave of you.

Would anyone else care to speak up?

Come on, guys, you don't have to be afraid of this dude!

You all agree this is insane, don't you?

Ah, do you, now?

Um, of course not, Housewarden!

N-never!

Suck-up cowards. Pathetic.

In the year that I have served as house warden, not a single student

has been expelled or held back a year.

Heartslabyul is the only House to achieve this feat.

That alone puts me in the right!

I am the best student and strongest mage of anyone in this house. Remember that!

You shall obey!

Do you think I take your heads for my pleasure?

It is your own fault for straying from the path of success.

And if this behavior continues, then every one of your heads will roll!

All right, that's enough. Apologize to the Housewarden!

I refuse.

I won't either.

Yeah, that's gonna be a no from me as well.

I'm not gonna bow to such a cranky little tyrant.

What did you just call me?

He called you a selfish, nasty, miserable old tyrant!

And you don't respect food!

Then it's Off With Your Heads once and for all!

Remove them from my sight!

I'm sorry, you guys. You know we can't disobey the house warden.

I feel awful. You still need to apologize, but I'll go talk to him.

Damn that guy. I refuse! I will never apologize!

Well, let us collect ourselves and carry on.

I believe we had the croquet tournament next, did we not?

Uh… It is! Yes, sir.

Not to nag, but are you sure you're okay with this?

No, Mother, wait, you're mistaken!

Please, don't, Mother. It's not their fault! Mother, please!

That puts us 15 minutes behind schedule. How unfortunate.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

That tiny little twerp pisses me off so much,

it's like he thinks he's the Queen of Hearts herself!

I am never gonna be an honor student at this rate.

I can't breathe! Why do they have to be so dang heavy?

You all look so dashing

in your little collars. Oh, yes!

It's-It's a disembodied head!

Oh, dear. Sorry, loves. Forgot I'm not all there!

Who are you?

Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker, at your service, sirs!

Now, you may say I'm a cat, or you may say I'm a "purrs on," but either way…

Uh, come again?

Artem… Artichoke?

Oh, call me Chenya. Everyone else does.

Look, man, I was just humiliated by a tyrant

so I don't have the patience for this. Get lost!

Riddle, a tyrant?

I certainly see how you came to that conclusion.

He was always a rather persnickety little kitty even as a child.

Wait, even as a child? You know the Housewarden?

Perhaps I do, and perhaps I don't!

Well, which is it?

Yeah, we're gonna need a lot more than that.

What happened to that kid to make him such a dictator?

Forgive me, but you'll have to ask four-eyes!

Four-eyes, who? You mean Trey?

Yes, he's known Riddle since he was just a twinkle in his mother's eye!

Trey and the house warden are childhood friends?

I never would have guessed.

Ta-ta.

Hey, wait a sec.

He's just gone.

What an a-meow-zing little weirdo he is.

Ugh, now I'm talking like him.

If nothing else, I guess we at least have something new to think about.

Guys, I really think we ought to go back to the dorm and look for Trey.

Well, I ain't gonna apologize to get this collar off

and they won't let us in otherwise.

-Hey. There you are. -Huh?

Oh, hey.

I was just saying we should try to find you. Were you looking for us?

Yeah. It's entirely my fault this happened.

So what are you gonna do about it?

I mean, we know you guys grew up together.

Have you always let him boss you around?

Some guy named Chenya said as much.

I see.

And you're older.

What are you doing stressing over some underclassman?

Go out there and give him a piece of your mind!

Yeah! What they said!

Maybe I should.

But I don't have the heart to scold him.

Really. And why's that?

Because everything about him

was built on a foundation of strict discipline.

His parents are exceptional magical healers in our hometown.

His mother, in particular.

And she wanted Riddle to be exceptional, too. To that end,

she maintained perfect order in her home.

She scheduled every waking minute of his life around his studies.

She decided what he ate, what he wore. Everything.

Even who his friends were.

But he wanted to make them proud, so he did as he was told.

And he mastered his signature spell at the age of ten.

That's just how he grew up.

So now, of course Riddle believes that imposing strict limits

can help a person grow and improve,

and that any and all rule-breaking is immoral and vile.

So, if he accepts that rule-breaking is okay,

that would fly in the face of everything his parents said that made him who he is.

Is that it?

I understand completely why you hate the way he acts.

And I agree it's gone too far.

But in spite of that, I still can't find it in myself to tell him off.

It's no wonder he turned out like he did.

You really can't blame him.

Nah, I guess not.

You know, I'm really glad you told us that.

I think I get it now.

You're the real reason

that Housewarden Riddle is so messed up, aren't you, Trey?

No one gets to choose their own parents, so we can forget about that.

But where the heck were you in all this? You had to have some idea

his folks were screwing him up!

No, Mother, wait, you're mistaken! Please don't, Mother.

It's not their fault, Mother. Please!

So if you agree that the house warden is making all the same mistakes with us

that his mother made with him, then you have to tell him!

Oh, great, so you feel sorry for him. What good is that gonna do?

You really wanna sit there and watch till he winds up friendless and alone?

Whoa, Ace, you're being kinda harsh.

Or maybe you don't wanna say anything because you're too scared

of getting locked up in one of these stupid things yourself.

You're pathetic!

You're supposed to be his friend!

And that's not how real friends treat each other!

Quiet in the library, please, Mr. Trappola.

Headmage! How long have you been standing there?

Long enough to know you take issue with your housewarden's governance.

You're, uh… not gonna pass that alo...

And if that is the case, why not become house warden yourself?

You are more than welcome to challenge Mr. Rosehearts for his seat.

Cha…

Challenge him?

Oh, dear.

Indeed, Mr. Rosehearts himself became house warden

by challenging his predecessor.

But, like, how?

There are several ways to go about it, but those two dueled for the role.

If Ace fights him and wins, he'll be in charge just like that?

That's one way to get these collars off.

Does that entice you, Mr. Trappola? Shall I begin preparations for a duel?

Hmm…

Yes! Sure! Might as well try!

And as soon as I beat him, I'll make him grovel.

Please forgive me, Housewarden, sir. I was wrong!

I'm gonna ruin that guy's life.

Maybe don't.

You do that, you're no better than Riddle.

I wanna challenge him too.

I always wondered what it would be like at the top.

Then count me in too!

I do admire your ambition, Monster Grim,

but I am afraid that students may only challenge the warden

-of their current house. -What?

Ah! And one more thing,

any and all non-magical assaults in these duels are strictly prohibited.

Huh?

Now you will have to excuse me, I fear.

Do brush up your spell work in the meantime. Bye-bye, now!

Well, we'll manage somehow, won't we?

Sure! Of course we will.

-All right, then. Let's do it! -Yeah!

As for you, "Your Majesty."

You're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant!

Off with her head!

Today's the day.

-Two of 'em? That'll be weird. -They can't be serious.

-That'll be weird. -Trey, I have a bad feeling about this.

Our challengers!

DAUNTLESS COURAGE 1-A ACE TRAPPOLA - DEUCE SPADE

Students! We shall now commence the official duel

for the title of Heartslabyul Housewarden.

Mr. Rosehearts, please remove the magic-sealing collars

which put the challengers at a disadvantage.

Yes! I feel about a million times lighter now.

Enjoy this brief moment of freedom while it lasts.

I assure you, you'll be back in those collars before long.

It ain't over till it's over, punk!

Do you truly believe that?

Duh! Obviously!

We wouldn't challenge you to a duel as a joke.

Hmm…

Then tell me, what is the meaning of that ridiculous thing you're wearing?

I lent it to him.

It's just an armored helmet.

Back in my world, swordsmen wear these into battle.

I see. So be it.

Housewarden Riddle, it's almost time for tea.

What would you like to do?

What do you think? Make preparations as scheduled.

Yes, sir.

As you can see, we're a bit short on time.

Attack together and we'll get this done.

Very well.

The duel will begin the moment this mirror hits the ground and shatters.

Ready…

Off With Your Head!

Hey!

No way!

What the heck?

Wow.

Oh, no. You okay?

You couldn't even last five seconds.

Hey, Kalim.

Ruggie's here to see you.

Oh, yeah! I forgot that was today.

I told him if he wanted to come over, we'd treat him to all the very best dishes

from the Scalding Sands!

Who's we? Who do you expect to cook all that?

Well, you, of course!

What do you mean, "of course"? I've had just about enough of this, Kalim!

-Oh? Enough of what? -Cooking!

How many days in a row do you expect me to cook for your guests?

Well, yesterday and the day before. I don't know, you tell me.

-It's been three straight weeks! -Oh, that is a lot, isn't it?

I'm not doing it. You're on your own.

No!

Hey, Ruggie, I gotta cancel our plans today.

I know you were looking forward to it, but we'll have to do this some other time.

Canceled? No! I was looking forward to this all week!

You can't cancel on me now, Kalim.

You said yourself, we were gonna dance and feast and have a blast!

Oh… Yeah.

I even skipped dinner last night to make sure I had enough room in my tummy.

And I brought all these containers so I could take home all the leftovers!

Whoa! I didn't realize you were planning your whole week around this.

Oh, yeah. You know it!

Very well, then! For you, I'll cancel the cancellation!

We don't need Jamil. I can cook for you all by myself.

Really? Okay. So, what are we gonna start with, then?

Well, the Scalding Sands' famous stew should be easy enough.

I just gotta put all the ingredients and stuff in a pot till it gets all mushy,

-right? -Wrong!

You've never cooked before, have you?

-Not a once! -Uh, Jamil?

Don't ask me for anything. I'm not doing it.

Come on, don't say that. Pretty please, for me?

Nope! My decision is final.

Yeah, I totally get it. Some days you're just not in the mood, are you?

-But if you don't, we'll starve. -Huh?

Some kinda meat, some kinda shrooms, some kinda fruit,

and all of our spiciest spices.

Whoa! Hang on, there!

You can't just throw a bunch of random stuff together like that!

Told ya. You can't let him loose in here, he doesn't know what he's doing.

I'm not cooking! I said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not doing it today!

I know what you said. But are you sure?

Think again. 'Cause if you don't, Kalim's gonna poison us all to death.

Oh, wait! I can just cook whatever I want with magic!

Not again!

Mmm!

Welp, thanks for the meal prep, guys!

See ya next time!