Original subtitles

Yes, Mrs. Kane.

I have a favor to ask of you.

I want you to make sure the girls behave tonight.

I don't want any big scenes like last time.

And I'm calling you first.

Now, if those girls do anything to fuck me and Randy up, it's going to be your

ass. You understand?

Yes, Mrs. Kane.

And I want you to make sure they're dressed nice.

I don't want Shelly coming down here in those fishnet stockings and all that

punk rock crap.

Keep an eye on Brianna's drinking.

Now I think tonight's the night.

It just might be the night.

After 20 years of knowing and blowing the sky.

He just might finally pop the question.

Mrs. Sharon Spears.

It's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Doesn't it?

Yes, Mrs. K.

Over my dead fucking body.

Is that old school porn fuck going to become a part of this family?

I don't care how fucking cock hungry my ex -whore of a mother is.

So what are you going to do about it? What am I going to do about it? I'm

to do whatever I need to do about it.

Don't. If you do, I'll be your next flying back to the Warsaw.

What, and lose my little plaything?

I don't fucking think so.

Uh -uh.

Come here, my little plaything.

I myself thank you very little.

Don't make me kill you, Chell.

Fine, but I'm keeping the fishnets on.

So, what's the big deal about tonight anyway?

What, does she think he's going to propose or something?

She does, doesn't she?

He's a perv. I caught him jacking off over me in my sleep.

Fucking asshole.

Jane, you got the bags?

Yeah.

Because you're a feeble -minded little bitch. That's why.

You're so dead. I'm not even kidding. If I didn't have a hemorrhoid the size of

Jupiter on my ass... Shut the fuck up, both of you.

Shane, carry the fucking bags. Eric, quit calling your brother a feeble

little bitch.

You guys do anything to fuck this up for me, I'm not kidding you. You're both

dead. You understand?

Yes, Dad.

20 geniuses got the ring.

Okay, let's go.

Shit.

They're here.

Are you sure I look okay, Marta?

You look like Anne -Marie Atlet, Mrs. Kane. Like a sky of summer night.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I mean, you look very nice.

Well, why don't you just say what you mean?

Go get those thankless bitches.

I missed you, boy, when you got here. I don't know.

two very lovely girls.

Lovely, aren't they? How are you, girls?

Fine.

Girls, I want you to meet Randy's sons.

This is Eric, and this is Shane.

Sup.

Hey.

Hey. Sup.

Marta, grab their bags, please.

and take them to the rooms.

Girls, show the boys to their rooms. Be right.

It's so good to see you.

You too.

I dreamt about you last night.

You did?

Yeah.

And I fell out of bed twice.

You want to pan and melt me like a butterfly?

Remember...

Remember the first night we met?

Up in Frisco?

On that set?

Yeah.

The whole time I had P .T.'s cock inside of me.

I was wishing it was you.

P .T.

Remember that time you fucked that chicken and you went into the kitchen to

a sandwich and I came in and told you?

Yeah.

I ate it anyway.

And then you jacked off on my tab.

Oh, yeah.

I was really dead.

No.

I wore them for you.

I knew that you liked it.

Let me just move my hips up and down.

Thank you.

Fuck, that's good right there. Shit.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, baby.

Feel it. You want to

come? Don't do it.

Oh,

it's so big.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Perfect seat right there. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, let me just go down on it.

Deep enough for you?

Yeah.

You wanted it all the way in.

Now it's all the way in. Yeah, it is.

Don't you want it? Mm -hmm. Huh?

Yeah, shit.

Oh.

Push it up in. Yeah.

I don't think you do all the work.

You know.

Yeah.

It's good like this. Yeah. I can feel it.

Look. Well, yeah.

There we go.

So what do you guys think about this shit anyway?

Honestly, we think it sucks.

Yeah, us too.

So what are we going to do, you guys? How are we going to stop them from

married?

I don't know. I'm just thinking this fucking monkey suit.

You guys had to get dressed up too, huh?

Yeah, I feel like a fucking cheerleader.

Cool fishnets, though.

Thanks.

Shit, you guys, that's it.

What?

Why did I think of it before?

What?

Well, if we fuck you guys... Excuse me?

Shh, just let me finish, okay?

Yeah, let her finish. Go ahead.

If we were to fuck you guys, it'd be really gross for my mom to marry your

because we'd be, like, related and shit, right?

Yeah.

It'd be kind of like an old Greg Dart movie, all sick, twisted, and shit.

But fuck it, I'm in.

You said, but fuck it.

You're not too bright, are you?

No, I'm not.

That's alright.

I like them dumb.

So go on and make some noise, alright?

Go on.

Hmm.

Huh? Huh?

Huh?

Hmm.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Good boy.

Good little boy.

Now, get out of here and go get your brother.

And you like the Selby's too?

They're fucking great.

Yeah, you heard of them? Yeah, I have. You mean that video they did?

Fucking karaoke and stuff? That was awesome.

Yeah, it was. I think I got them around here somewhere.

Really?

Yeah.

Hey, hey.

Was that you?

Yeah, I guess porn kind of runs in the family.

Tell me about it. Man, if I never hear another story about Paul Thomas fucking

goddamn chicken again, it'll be way too fucking soon.

So, you look really good there. I mean, for the two seconds you let me see it.

How old are you?

Nineteen.

You got ID?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

Just a kid.

What are you doing?

Getting my edge.

Getting my balls all filled up, you know? So I can have a good pop.

My dad taught me that.

Look, if it's okay, I'd rather not have sex with you. I just said I would to get

Bree off my back.

Fine, whatever.

Do you have a boyfriend or something?

Yeah, but he's kind of pissing me off lately.

Who is it? The guy in the video?

Yeah. So, is it okay if we don't have sex? I mean, I'm sure Bree will fuck you

when she's done with her brother.

Yeah, sure.

Can I at least touch your leg, get my edge?

Yeah. Cool.

Do you want to watch my movie?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Do you mind if I... I don't know. Go right ahead.

like your mom there. You get that whole vibe going on. Man, I've busted a nut to

your fucking mom so many times.

Do you ever watch any of your old tapes?

No. Do you watch your dad's? Fuck yeah. You ever see The Masseuse?

With him and Hapatia Lee? It's like two hours long.

It's got one full sex scene.

I mean, they don't do that shit anymore. It's all the same old cookie cutter

five scene formula horse shit. When I direct, I'm going to do things

different.

Is that what you want to do?

Yeah,

me and my brother are going to start doing our own shit next year.

You ought to do it with us. It'd be fun.

No, it's okay.

You know, I'm not really... Hold on.

amazing. You're really hot.

No, not me. Brianna's the cute one.

Nah, you're a natural -born porn star.

Really? Uh -huh.

Really. Dude!

Bro, you're up.

Fucking finally!

Hey, what you watching?

Foot fetish, huh?

Shit, Dad loves this stuff.

You got any hemorrhoid cream?

My ass be itching.

Like a motherfucker.

I wonder how the kids are doing.

It's about fucking time.

The fucking noobs and condoms are right over there. Thank you.

You don't got a fucking day.

I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying, not that.

Jesus.

Give me shit, I'm not the stupid one like my brother.

Nah, he's not too bright.

So you want to do like a couple positions, maybe a little oral? Is that

Yeah, maybe.

That works?

Fuck me right now.

You like that?

Player on player.

Maybe I should go check on him.

Not until you check on me, Dr. Love.

What?

Nothing. I guess after 20 years of reciting porno dialogue, you can't help

not like that in real life once in a while.

But this isn't real life, Randy.

It's a dream come true.

All right.

Shut up and fuck me again already.

Fuck

him!

You gotta be loud so they can fucking hear that.

Yeah! Alright!

Damn!

Fuck, that pussy's good!

Give me a dick, more dick, more dick.

Here, give it to me.

Deeper, deeper.

Cut it out!

Look, come in five seconds. You won't even know I'm there.

Please, baby, baby, please, baby, baby, please.

No.

You okay, Mrs. King?

What is it, Marta?

I think I've heard one of the girls yelling for you upstairs.

I better go check on her. No, not yet.

Just a minute more.

Okay.

What are

you looking at?

Shane, what the fuck?

Hey, Dad.

Michelle, are you okay?

No, he fucking came in me.

What the fuck are you doing?

I thought she was just being sexy.

I didn't know she didn't want me to come.

No means no, idiot.

Now apologize.

I'm sorry.

That's better. Now go get your dumbass brother. We're going to eat soon.

Yes, sir

Right on my web.

Yeah, God.

Hmm.

Oh yeah.

yeah

Fuck yeah.

Well... Don't worry. The cola should kill the sperm.

That's not what I'm worried about.

Listen, Sharon told me that you told her that I came in here and jerked off on

you while you were sleeping.

Why did you do that?

You know why?

It was bad enough waiting until I was 18 to have sex with you.

And then for you to go marry my mother?

It's not fair.

I mean, remember that time we got the hotel room and it was on my 18th

and you made me cum so hard I cried and then you pulled out and you jerked all

over my toes?

Yeah, I remember.

In the time that we were all eating dinner, and I was in my schoolgirl

and I jerked you off with my totes, and you came all over my black knee socks?

Yeah.

I remember that, too.

Remember.

Yeah.

I remember.

Would you jerk me off right now?

Really? Mm -hmm.

With my feet?

Sure. Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How about a blowjob? Could I have a blowjob?

Mm -hmm. Okay, great.

Yeah.

You like sucking my cock, huh?

Oh, I love sucking your cock.

No,

you can't tell anyone.

All right?

We'll be talking about the sex that we have.

Okay?

I can't help it. I love you. It's more sexy if it's a secret.

That's it.

Everything's better now.

Oh yeah.

Well, we're surprised at it, aren't ya?

Thank you.

What time is dinner?

Very funny.

Guys, get your hands off my daughter.

It's time to eat.

What, that's all you have to say?

Look, I know what you're trying to do.

You think that if my kids are fucking his kids, I won't marry Randy.

What kind of piece of shit porn or movie did you get that lame idea from?

Look, I love Randy, period.

I don't care if you fuck his kids until their dicks turn blue.

I don't even care if he fucks Michelle.

You want to know why?

Because we're fucking porn stars, you idiots.

We fuck for a living.

He has been watching me fuck other men, and I have been watching him fuck other

women for 27 years.

Years. You can't shock us.

You're just a bunch of generation Jenna little bitches.

You cannot shock us with sperm.

I don't care how you got it or who you got it from.

Now, get up, get your clothes on.

It's time to eat.

Your mom's cool.

I'd like to fuck her.

Shut up. You're such a fucking idiot.

That's good.

Because you're fired.

I told you to keep an eye on the girls, and you failed.

So now you're fired. Now get out.

You can't fire me. I'm as much part of his family as you are.

And I suppose that's why you've been fucking Brianna ever since she turned

I don't know what you're talking about.

And I don't know why you're still here.

Now you go get your shit and go the fuck back to Poland, Marta. That's it.

Would anyone like to say anything at this point?

No.

No. Nah.

Fuck no.

Shelly, just be quiet like a candle.

Well, I'd like to take this opportunity to say something that I've been wanting

to say for a very long time.

Would you?