Original subtitles

(SIRENS WAILING)

Come on, Charlie, hurry up.

What do you think I'm doing?

INSPECTOR: Halt!

Open up in the name of the law.

All right, Edna, what did you do this time?

Run over the mayor?

What did I do? What did you do?

Oh, shut up! And get something heavy to jam up against this door.

Come on, Edna, hurry up!

(KNOCKING)

(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)

That's the first time I seen your big mouth full of something other than food.

CHARLIE: Never mind the wisecracks.

Now, you might as well tell me. Where did you hide it?

Hide what?

The loot or the jewels, or whatever it was you stole.

Don't try to put the blame on me.

You probably had a big wreck in the car and didn't report it, right?

The only wreck I ever had in the car was you.

Come on, admit it. What did you do? Pull a hold-up?

I don't even own a gun.

EDNA: You don't need a gun, the way you shoot off that big mouth of yours.

Will you get off my back?

CHARLIE: Oh, boy, have I got a headache.

Edna, I can't find the aspirin.

Oh, boy, are you helpless.

It's right here in the medicine cabinet.

EDNA: And to think I had to marry you to find out how stupid you really are.

CHARLIE: You should've known that the minute I proposed.

EDNA: Whatever you've done, Charlie, it's finally caught up with you.

I know, I'll bet you you're a bigamist.

CHARLIE: That's a lie!

(MEOWING)

EDNA: You're what they call a brownbeard.

(MEOWING)

CHARLIE: That's bluebeard.

(DOGS BARKING)

EDNA: So you admit it.

Now look, Edna, if you've been shoplifting, I'll understand.

With the allowance you give me to run this house,

I'd have to shoplift to make ends meet.

My mother warned me that you were a cheapskate.

And she was right.

Right? That's just what your mother needs, a right.

Right to the chin.

Open up, children, it's Mother.

What's a mother to do?

You might as well confess, Edna, what was it?

Counterfeit trading stamps?

You know, Charlie, you've gotta be some kind of a maniac.

A pyromaniac, maybe.

EDNA: Yeah, an arsonist.

Arsonist? Do I look like I go around setting fires?

Well, you sure burn me up.

INSPECTOR: Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

- Merry Christmas. - Here he comes again.

- I'll fix him. - Happy, merry Christmas.

Charlie, you know what you are?

You're just a big blowhard.

I've had a bellyful of your insinuations!

Do you hear? A bellyful!

And here I thought it was just plain fat.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Stay away from that door, Edna, maybe it's him again.

Well, for heaven's sake.

What is it?

Look, Charlie.

I still say, what is it?

It's a baby, stupid.

Yeah? A baby what?

Look at those big, brown eyes, and that cute little mustache.

Mustache? Quick, Edna, the basement.

INSPECTOR: Hey, you!

Now when he comes down here, you turn out the lights and I'll let him have it.

(CLUB BANGING)

CHARLIE: I got him!

Oh, no.

No! No! Don't shoot. I'm innocent. She's the guilty one.

I'll testify against her. She's the one.

Here.

Jury duty?

So, you were going to testify against me?

Edna, put down that club now.

(CHARLIE SHOUTING)

CHARLIE: Cut it out, Edna.

(CHARLIE YELLING)