Original subtitles

INSPECTOR: Paris was in the midst of its worst crime wave.

My superior, the Commissioner, was ordered to bed,

suffering from exhaustion and overwork.

I, as Senior Inspector, was assigned by the President himself

to guard the Commissioner and make certain he was not to be disturbed.

Now remember, Inspector, he must have absolute silence.

The slightest sound could send him into uncontrolled fits of temper.

Just leave everything to me, Doctor.

I have taken extensive precautions to ensure the Commissioner's complete rest.

Then how about a little quiet?

(THUDDING)

See what I mean, Inspector?

INSPECTOR: Oui. I see.

COMMISSIONER: Inspector!

(RESPONDS IN FRENCH)

Did you call, monsieur?

COMMISSIONER: Now, stop that hammering!

(RESPONDS IN FRENCH)

Quiet at last.

Just the twittering of the birds around the old cathedral.

And the old bellringer wending his way to work.

Almost noon.

You can hear those bells all over Paris.

Bells? Oui. No!

(CUCKOOING)

(THUDDING)

INSPECTOR: Having made sure there would be no further disturbances,

I settled down to catch up on my reading.

(CAT YOWLING)

COMMISSIONER: Inspector! Silence that cat at once.

(RESPONDS IN FRENCH)

You, Monsieur Cat, shut up in the name of the law right now, I tell you.

(YOWLING)

I guess that will teach you some respect for law and order, you felonious feline.

(MEOWS)

INSPECTOR: I scanned the immediate area

for any more sources of noise or disturbance.

I'm a scanner, you know.

Bastille Day, my favorite holiday.

I had forgotten, you know. What a pity I have to work on this holiday.

Ah, well, c'est la vie. Duty and all that sort of thing.

(PLAYING LA MARSEILLAISE)

(SNICKERING)

And don't you come back, or I'll call the police dog.

A big one.

What an imbecilic way to celebrate Bastille Day.

This is ridiculous.

Imbecilic indeed.

But, monsieur, I can explain. There was this cat...

Big cat marching up and down the roof.

(THUDDING)

Now I have you. There is no escape.

You are caught like a cat in a trap. You trapped cat, you.

(INSPECTOR LAUGHING)

Sergeant, fire the Bastille Day salute.

(FIRES)

Inspector!

(CHUCKLES)

(STAMMERING) You called me, monsieur?

(THUDDING)

INSPECTOR: I knew that I had to capture that despicable pussycat,

or the Commissioner would never get a moment's rest.

I decided to bring into play my tremendous experience

as a sports fisherman. Oh, what a sports fisherman I was.

(GUFFAWING)

Strike. Now, I've got you, you dastardly, contemptible tabby cat, you.

What have you to say for yourself?

COMMISSIONER: Inspector!

(RESPONDS IN FRENCH)

What kind of a trick is this, you stupid, ignorant imbecile?

(PLAYS SINGLE NOTE)

(60's DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(MEOWING TO THE TUNE)

(FIRES)

(YOWLS)

(THUDDING)

(CATS YOWLING)

COMMISSIONER: Inspector!

INSPECTOR: Coming, monsieur.