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1
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INSPECTOR: The entire affair began
as usual, in the Commissioner's office.
2
00:00:32,716 --> 00:00:36,656
You are to go to the Rue Skid Row
and meet this agent.
3
00:00:36,756 --> 00:00:39,785
He has information
that your life is in danger.
4
00:00:40,029 --> 00:00:42,465
What? I've read books
about these secret agents.
5
00:00:42,566 --> 00:00:46,028
They are immoral and untrustworthy.
I refuse to deal with them.
6
00:00:46,139 --> 00:00:48,701
Lower your voice when you yell at me.
7
00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:52,010
Now get down to Skid Row
without another word.
8
00:00:52,317 --> 00:00:55,050
Yes, of course, Commissioner. Yes, sir.
I'm very...
9
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:57,057
Yes, of course, at once. Please, sir.
10
00:00:57,693 --> 00:01:00,129
You big pompous over-stuffed walrus.
11
00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:04,170
I heard that. Now get to work.
12
00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:05,832
Yes, sir.
13
00:01:07,243 --> 00:01:10,147
This must be the place where
we are to meet that agent, Deux-Deux.
14
00:01:10,248 --> 00:01:13,744
Remember, these waterfront dives
are very dangerous places.
15
00:01:13,954 --> 00:01:16,049
Especially for policemen.
16
00:01:16,559 --> 00:01:18,324
That's why we are in disguise.
17
00:01:18,529 --> 00:01:23,801
So, keep your mouth shut, your eyes open
and your nose clean.
18
00:01:25,207 --> 00:01:26,267
(BLOWS NOSE)
19
00:01:26,376 --> 00:01:29,246
What are you trying to do,
attract attention?
20
00:01:29,347 --> 00:01:30,646
You nincompoop.
21
00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:35,886
I was only keeping my nose open,
my ears shut and my mouth clean.
22
00:01:35,992 --> 00:01:38,327
I just... I think I need an operation.
23
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:46,133
You know, in a place like this,
a person could get his throat slit.
24
00:01:46,444 --> 00:01:47,674
What it will be?
25
00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:50,114
A banana slit. I mean split.
26
00:01:50,217 --> 00:01:54,682
I don't know what I mean, you know.
I wish I was someplace else, at home.
27
00:01:54,792 --> 00:01:57,923
One banana. One split.
28
00:01:59,868 --> 00:02:02,202
Thirty francs including the table.
29
00:02:02,506 --> 00:02:06,970
Why don't you learn
to keep your big Spanish mouth shut?
30
00:02:07,514 --> 00:02:10,145
Sí, it's no fun being me.
31
00:02:10,285 --> 00:02:13,258
And every morning
have to shave a blabber's mouth.
32
00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:18,390
Hello, baby.
Where have you been all my life?
33
00:02:19,201 --> 00:02:22,605
Oh, you're so strong and domineering.
34
00:02:22,941 --> 00:02:25,708
I'll bet you've got a girl in every port.
35
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,186
But don't tell me about them,
or I will get very jealous.
36
00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:33,319
How about you buy me a little drink? No?
37
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,199
May I remind you
that you are still on duty, Sergeant?
38
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,859
- Sergeant?
- Sergeant?
39
00:02:40,705 --> 00:02:42,197
(THUDDING)
40
00:02:42,308 --> 00:02:43,743
(CRASHING)
41
00:02:44,579 --> 00:02:46,446
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
42
00:02:47,517 --> 00:02:50,353
Remember my big Spanish mouth?
43
00:02:51,157 --> 00:02:54,425
- Well, she's not so lonely now.
- Quiet!
44
00:02:54,862 --> 00:02:56,730
Concentrate on running.
45
00:02:57,667 --> 00:03:00,936
INSPECTOR: A message from the elusive
agent suggested it would be safer
46
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,839
if we met in Switzerland.
47
00:03:02,943 --> 00:03:05,642
If anyone asks you, we are here to ski.
48
00:03:05,983 --> 00:03:09,422
- Sí.
- Not sí, ski.
49
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:10,816
Ski, señor.
50
00:03:18,771 --> 00:03:22,643
Holy frijoles. All of a sudden, I'm skizing.
51
00:03:23,312 --> 00:03:27,548
Five second ago, I don't know how,
now I'm doing it.
52
00:03:28,021 --> 00:03:29,923
I still don't know how.
53
00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:32,924
I'm running out of Alp.
54
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,656
Help! Help!
55
00:03:35,768 --> 00:03:38,899
Hey, Inspector,
you're skizing down-side up.
56
00:03:40,876 --> 00:03:43,347
Hey, Inspector! Wait for me!
57
00:03:45,651 --> 00:03:47,814
On second thoughts, don't.
58
00:03:49,190 --> 00:03:51,593
INSPECTOR: This indecisive agent
next decided
59
00:03:51,695 --> 00:03:53,825
it would be safer to meet in London.
60
00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:55,830
What puzzles me
61
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:59,898
is why any sensible secret agent
would want to meet us at 2:00 a.m.
62
00:04:00,009 --> 00:04:02,378
in Picadilli Circus.
63
00:04:02,915 --> 00:04:03,905
(TRUMPETING)
64
00:04:10,194 --> 00:04:12,995
I say, governor, have an accident?
65
00:04:13,466 --> 00:04:15,300
No, thanks. We just had one.
66
00:04:16,338 --> 00:04:18,171
INSPECTOR: The elusive agent decided
to meet with us
67
00:04:18,274 --> 00:04:21,144
beneath the Bridge of Sighs in Venice.
68
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,719
Three jingle bells and all's well.
69
00:04:24,886 --> 00:04:26,082
Silence.
70
00:04:30,963 --> 00:04:32,934
Sacre pink. It can't be.
71
00:04:33,033 --> 00:04:34,161
(EXPLOSION)
72
00:04:36,506 --> 00:04:39,479
Well, don't stare,
send up a distress signal.
73
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,878
INSPECTOR: Despite the primitive
Australian transportation,
74
00:04:43,986 --> 00:04:46,787
we were closing in
on the mysterious agent.
75
00:04:47,158 --> 00:04:49,755
He's just ahead of us on a motorbike.
76
00:04:52,634 --> 00:04:55,539
This agent must have a hole
in his lunch bag.
77
00:04:55,673 --> 00:04:57,836
Mush, you big feather duster.
78
00:04:59,512 --> 00:05:02,109
Don't eat that, that's a hand grenade.
79
00:05:03,452 --> 00:05:06,425
- Run for your life, Deux-Deux.
- Holy frijoles.
80
00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:09,893
Shoo! Shoo! Go away. Go away.
81
00:05:13,871 --> 00:05:15,204
(EXPLOSION)
82
00:05:23,087 --> 00:05:26,686
INSPECTOR: On the outskirts of Nairobi,
I had a feeling we were getting warm.
83
00:05:27,963 --> 00:05:31,163
At last we meet, Mr. Secret Agent.
84
00:05:31,468 --> 00:05:33,666
Secret agent? No.
85
00:05:34,039 --> 00:05:37,638
Insurance agent, yes. My card.
86
00:05:38,447 --> 00:05:41,317
You arranged all those disasters?
87
00:05:41,653 --> 00:05:45,718
Merely to demonstrate
the everyday hazards of police work.
88
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:49,864
This policy will cover you completely.
Sign here.
89
00:05:49,967 --> 00:05:53,371
I will cover you completely. With bruises.
90
00:05:54,108 --> 00:05:55,907
(CRASHING)
91
00:05:56,011 --> 00:05:59,576
Hey, Inspector,
maybe you should sign the policy.
92
00:06:00,853 --> 00:06:03,188
The... The pen, please.
6735
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