Original subtitles

INSPECTOR: The entire affair began when I was in the police gymnasium

giving Sergeant Deux-Deux a lesson in the art of self-defense.

Now, Sergeant, let's pretend you are a criminal.

And you're sneaking up behind me with a pistol.

I'll pretend to be reading a newspaper.

Sí, Inspector. Don't peek.

Okay.

I'm sneaking up on you now.

(CHUCKLES)

All right, Flitzfoot. The jigger is up now.

First I would grab his arm like this, then I would do this...

This... Then a little bit of this. And a touch of this.

And if he's still resistant, I would give him this.

And this. And one like this.

Then if he didn't surrender peacefully,

I would finish him off like this.

(CRASHING)

Any questions?

Sí, how do I join the Peace Corps?

(RINGING)

Hello? Oh, yes, Commissioner.

You say a shipload of bananas was hijacked, eh?

Probably the work of a gang.

Very good, sir. Sergeant Deux-Deux and I will get right on it.

Yes, sir, of course, a dieu.

Well, Sergeant, we have work to do.

(EXCLAIMS)

Just a gentle reminder, Sergeant, eh? Always be alert, my boy.

Judy, Judy, where have you been?

I told you to stay in your room.

You want to get nabbed and tossed in the zoo?

You're a naughty one, you are. Pinching bananas.

I thought you had better sense.

Now, you get in that there room,

and if I hears a peep out of you, I'll give you a lump on your coco.

Now, go on, shake a hairy leg.

INSPECTOR: My unerring powers of deduction

finally led us to the gang's hideout.

You wait here, Deux-Deux, I'm going to attend to these scoundrels, personally.

If I need you, I'll whistle.

(CHORTLING)

Boy, oh, boy, those jackhikers are really going to get it now.

That Inspector, boy, he's so strong, you know.

All right, open up. This is the police.

I ain't done nothing, honest, governor.

I'm clean, I am.

Perhaps this will refresh your memory.

I say, it looks like one of them things they wraps bananas in, don't it?

Yes, my friend, and I intend to wrap up my case against you with it.

Now, you come along quietly.

You ain't wrapping me in no banana peel. I got me rights, I have!

You've had your chance to come quietly. Now I shall have to use force on you.

Oh, don't hit me, governor. I'm innocent, I am. I don't want to fight.

Here, here, go ahead. I'll give you the first blow.

That's a tempting offer, but I decline.

Hit me, will you, please, you yellow swine?

Oh, boy, it sounds like the Inspector really fixing those guys good.

Remember, if you need me, just whistle.

Don't worry, I can handle him. I just tripped on the rug.

Inspector, he's my hero. He's so strong.

You miserable swine. You and your lucky punches, eh?

You let me see you do that again.

Hey, if you need me, just whistle.

So, you want some more, eh?

(CRASHING)

Just whistle.

(PUNCHING)

(THUDDING)

And remember, whistle.

(CRASHING)

I wonder why he doesn't whistle.

(PUNCHING)

(THUDDING)

I guess he don't have no time to whistle up there.

(CLANGING)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

I warn you, you dirty guys, I'm coming up there,

and, oh, boy, are you going to get it!

All right, copper, what do you want?

Okay, where is the gang now of jackhikers?

There ain't no gang up here. It's just me.

You mean to tell me you're the guy who's beating up the Inspector?

So what are you gonna do about it, eh?

Why you dirty little...

I'll teach you a lesson!

(BANGING)

DEUX-DEUX: How do you like these bananas, eh?

(MAN EXCLAIMING)

Cut it out! Take it easy, governor. Don't hit me again. I've had it.

I surrender, I do.

I'll teach you not to beat up the Inspector. He's my hero.

Hey, Inspector, I captured this one-man gang who beat you up

with all those lucky punches, you know.

Come on, lucky, it's the caboose for you.

You troublemaker.

That Sergeant Deux-Deux, he's my hero. He's so strong.