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INSPECTOR: The elusive smuggler
Captain Clamity had always managed
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to slip through our fingers.
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So when we received a tip
that he had been seen
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somewhere near the waterfront,
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Sergeant Deux-Deux and I
rushed immediately to the scene.
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Well, here we are, Sergeant Deux-Deux.
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Now we'll get to the bottom of all this.
Stop here.
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(SPLASHING)
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Oh, boy. It's just one of those bad days.
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I should've stayed
in the wrong side of bed.
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Hey, Captain Clamity, you know what?
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What is it, Crab Louie?
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I think I see cops.
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Cops! I hate cops.
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You know how I hate them.
You know how they irritate me.
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And you know what happens
when I get irritated.
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(HICCUPS)
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See? I break out in pearls.
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Clam down, clam down.
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After all, that is what
we are smuggling, no?
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Listen, Crab Louie,
they may be pearls to you,
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but they're ulcers to me.
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(HICCUPS)
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INSPECTOR: We soon learned
about the smugglers' ship.
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She was anchored just offshore.
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Pull harder on those oars back there,
Deux-Deux.
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That ship look like it's about 10 miles out.
And I want to reach her before dark.
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- Faster.
- Sí.
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- Faster.
- Sí.
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Yes, I'm beginning to see her
more clearly now.
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You stupid fool.
Are you going to sit there? We're sinking.
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I go get a new boat. You wait right here.
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(GURGLING) Next time
I'll sit in the back end.
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- This is close enough, Deux-Deux.
- Sí.
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Don't say "Sí, " say "Oui."
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Sí. I mean, oui.
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Ahoy, there! This is the police.
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What do you want, copper?
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I am coming aboard to search you.
Drop a line.
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LOUIE: Very well. Here she comes.
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One more row boat coming up,
or going down.
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I don't know which end is up anymore
or what to do about it.
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Hold it steady, Deux-Deux, please.
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Sí.
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Say "Oui, " not "Sí."
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Okay, okay, boss.
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But, you know,
I think I'm getting a little oui-sick.
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That's "Sea," not "Oui."
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I got enough sea already.
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All right, all of you in there.
Don't move. This is the police.
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That was just a warning, copper.
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I think the inspector must be, you know,
one of those guys,
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an underwater cover agent. One of those...
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(MUTTERING)
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This way, if I sink, you sink.
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Sí.
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There they come again.
I knew they wouldn't give up.
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I knew it! I knew it!
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Don't worry, mon capitaine.
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This time I fix those coppers real good,
you bet.
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(MISSILE FIRES)
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Well, it's back to the dry-dock.
Or the dry gooses.
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I don't know. I'm going to call Mom.
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Now, you understand, Deux-Deux,
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this operation calls for absolute silence.
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- Sí.
- Shut up, you fool.
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Not another word out of you.
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Hey, Inspector, is okay if I talk now?
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(CURSING IN FRENCH)
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INSPECTOR: It became obvious to me
that this case
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did not present much of a challenge.
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So, before I became bored
with the whole affair,
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I decided to close in on the culprits.
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(EXCLAIMS)
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That's a cold Luger.
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Put up your clammy hands.
You're under arrest.
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Don't shoot!
I'll tell you anything you want to know!
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I'll squeal, I'll blab,
I'll spill the works, I'll talk!
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Just try me! Ask me anything!
I'll talk! I'll talk!
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This is a clam?
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LOUIE: Drop it, copper.
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Don't try to shoot it out.
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You got no place to duck for cover.
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That is where you are sadly mistaken,
monsieur.
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INSPECTOR: That will be sufficient.
Now drop those weapons.
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You heard him. Drop them, drop them!
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Deux-Deux, dear boy, attend to
the formalities of the arrest, please.
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Sí, Inspector.
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Okay, you hombres, your goose is cooked.
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So don't fool around,
because, oh, boy, if you do...
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- Are you ready down there, Deux-Deux?
- DEUX-DEUX: Si.
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I want you to tow this ship into port
as evidence.
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Sí, Inspector.
Aren't you coming down now?
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No, no, my dear boy.
I'm going to ride on this one.
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Those little boats aren't safe.
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Okay, amigos. Start to row pronto.
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(CRASHING)
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Holy frijoles!
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The poor Inspector.
He's sinking down in the sea.
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Don't say "Sí, " say "Oui."
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(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)7401
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