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INSPECTOR: The De Gaulle chateau was
undergoing its annual spring cleaning,
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an event which presented
its annual problem
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of guarding the family jewel against theft.
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What do you think of it, Inspector?
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Well, it's obviously a cheap grade of glass.
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Why don't you try looking through
the eyepiece instead of the diamond?
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00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:53,513
Oh, yes, I can see better now.
That's very expensive. Yes, of course.
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The De Gaulle stone
is worth exactly 10 billion francs.
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It is your responsibility to guard it
for 24 hours.
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Lose it and you will pay for it.
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Well, in that case, I simply shall
double the standard security measures.
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Deux-Deux? Deux-Deux, I want you to
process this jewel through identification
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and check it for fingerprints.
Good boy, Deux-Deux.
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- You called me, Inspector?
- Yes, Deux-Deux.
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I could never understand
how he got into the French Police Force.
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Give me the jewel, please.
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What jewel? I don't have no jewel.
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The one that I placed
in your black-gloved hand a moment ago.
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Please, Deux-Deux.
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But, señor, I am wearing the white gloves.
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COMMISSIONER: In the name of Josephine,
get that stone back here!
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- I'm Weft!
- I'm Wight.
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I'm Wong!
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Swiping the diamond
from police headquarters
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was really using our heads.
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What do you mean "we"?
It was my head we used.
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You always think
you're the head with the brain.
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- I'm not a three-time loser like you.
- Please, gentlemen! Confusion say,
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"Three head not always better than one."
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BOTH: Shut up!
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Truth will always out. Cannot cover up.
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(WONG EXCLAIMING)
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(WHISTLE BLOWING)
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Quick, get in the mazzi-mobile!
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(ENGINE STARTS)
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Halt! Halt, you...
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- Quick, follow that mazzi-mobile.
- Sí.
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- Come back, imbecile!
- Sí.
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- You may turn in your police card.
- Sí.
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And don't say "Sí, " say "Oui."
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Sí. I mean, oui.
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I don't know what I mean.
I wanna go home.
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(BELL CLANGING)
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The Inspector is on our trail.
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Let him have it.
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He's still following us.
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Open bomb bays.
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Bombs away!
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(ALL LAUGHING)
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Grab a cloud, you sneaks, you.
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(CRASHING)
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(CURSING IN FRENCH)
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That brings the total to 55 billion francs!
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Plus one antique desk!
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- Come on, Wong. Let's see the jewel.
- Don't lush me!
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- What do you mean, "Uh-oh"?
- I just make discovery!
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We have hole in our pocket!
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(WONG EXCLAIMING)
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Fortunately for your career,
we found the diamond.
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Do you think you can keep your eye on it
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for the remaining 23 and one half hours?
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This way we don't get parking ticket!
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- Confusion say...
- WEFT AND WIGHT: Shut up!
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This time I put the diamond
in my own safe for safe-keeping.
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Halt, halt, you insidious blackguard, you!
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Halt, halt, in the name of the law.
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(YELLING)
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(CRASHING)
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INSPECTOR: I trailed my quarry to
a disreputable hotel on the Left Bank.
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- Deux-Deux?
- Sí.
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You guard the stairs
while I take the elevator.
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INSPECTOR: I kept their hotel room
under surveillance.
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(GUN FIRES)
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All right, you treacherous swine,
I warn you,
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I can see every move that you make.
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Deux-Deux, come here, dear boy.
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What do you see
when you look through this keyhole?
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(EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH)
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Control yourself, Deux-Deux,
that's enough. Away, away.
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Holy... Look at that,
I never seen it like that something.
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All right, come out of there,
or I'll shoot by the time I count to three.
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One, two, three!
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(GUN FIRES)
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INSPECTOR: A t last I closed in on
the Mazzarelli's hideout and surrounded it.
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The Cossacks! Let's beat it!
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Well, we can't get caught
with a hot diamond on us.
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Confusion always say,
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"Place for hot ice
is in glass of cool water."
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Observe. Diamond enjoy
welcome incognito.
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Don't move.
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(INSPECTOR LAUGHS)
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All right, men, spread out
and search these premises.
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And also the grounds.
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What's this? Ice water.
What do you know about that, eh?
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Well, I hereby confiscate this ice water
in the name of thirst.
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(CHOKING)
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A very expensive-looking gallstone.
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Here, nurse,
send this to the lab for a biopsy.
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INSPECTOR: So, you see,
whenever I think of the De Gaulle case,
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it brings back tender memories to me.
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(EXCLAIMS)
7997
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