All language subtitles for Neighborhood S3 E12

Oh, hey, Dave!

Come on in, buddy.

Wow, you're in a really good mood.

I know. A new pothole
opened up on Jefferson,

and it is tearing up people's cars.

They're breaking down
right in front of my shop.

Ain't God good?

Okay, well, since you're so happy,

you won't mind if I
borrow a couple tools.

Sure, what do you need?

Okay, let's see.

Here we go.

Uh, all right.
Miter saw, belt sander,

power drill, carriage bolts,

auger bits,
and the instruction manuals

on how to use all those things.

Dave, I've told you a hundred
times, we are not building

a bridge connecting our houses.

It was not a bridge, it was a catwalk.

But this is about
something else. Okay.

Grover has been begging me
for a tree house,

and since he's visiting
his grandmother for a few days,

I thought I'd surprise him
with one when he gets home.

A tree house, huh?

I remember the one
I built for Malcolm and Marty.

That thing was amazing.

Well, I've got some pretty
exciting plans myself.

Two words: bird feeder.

I got two words for you:
poor Grover.

Aw, man.

You should've seen the one I built.

It had a lookout perch,

a rope swing.

It even had a secret door
that led to a slide.

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but screw feeding the birds.

Yeah, man, the boys spent
the entire summer up there.

By the time they came down,

Marty needed longer pants
and Malcolm had a goatee.

Well, Calvin,
that sounds awesome. Hey...

Is there any chance
that you would help me

build Grover's tree house?

Hmm.

This may be the pothole
talking, but I'd love to.

You know what, I got
some extra wood in my garage,

and anything else we need,

we can get at the hardware store.

Okay, perfect. Also, we can
swing by the pet store.

I have 200 pounds
of birdseed to return.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.

Wow, you really know your
way around Home Warehouse.

You found everything so quickly.

Everything except you.

Where the hell did you
disappear to for so long?

Sorry. Any time I see
a plant section,

I like to pretend
that I'm lost in the jungle.

Hey, guys. Oh, nice.

Dave, I see you finally talked my dad

into building that catwalk.

Wrong.

I'm helping Dave
build a tree house for Grover,

just like the one I built
for you and Malcolm.

Oh, really? That's fantastic.

Yeah, you know, just thinking
about it brings back

a lot of happy memories
of you boys playing in yours.

Yeah, me too, Dad.

Man, see, that is exactly
the kind of memories

that I want to have with Grover.

Aw, man, well, you won't
if you let my dad build it,

because Grover will be dead.

W-What are you talking about?

Trust me, man, the one that my dad

built for us was a nightmare.

It had a hole in the floor,

splinters everywhere,
nails poking out.

It was like playing inside
a knife drawer.

I mean, what am I supposed to do?

I mean, your dad is so excited,
I can't ask him to stop now.

Well, in that case,
the only thing you should do

is use this saw to cut down your tree.

No, wait. You know what? No.
Marty, you're an engineer.

Look, you can help us build it
and make sure that it's safe.

Dude, are you kidding me?
If my dad finds out you asked me

to supervise his work,
he'll be furious.

Well, then, he doesn't need to know.

Just swing by and make
a few casual suggestions.

Then you're not stepping on his toes.

And more importantly,
Grover won't lose any of his.

I don't know, man.

Good news, Dave!

I figured out a way
we can run a zip line

from the roof to the tree house.

We just got to get around
those power lines.

So, 1:00 okay for you?

Yes...

Hey, Tina. Here's the
flour you asked for.

I brought all I had
because I didn't know

how many cups
were in a "crapload."

Great. Did you also
bring the butter?

No, sorry, I was out.

Alexa, add a crapload of butter
to my shopping list.

I've added a crapload of butter

to your shopping list.

Did you program her to say that?

No. She just gets me.

So, what's with all the cookies?

Well, like an idiot, I volunteered

to make 400 of them
for the church bake sale.

400? That's crazy.Mm.

I know, but Sister Thompson
made 300 last year,

and I thought embarrassing
that stuck-up old hag

would be the Christian thing to do.

Well, if you need some help,

I'd be happy to make some for you.

Oh, really?
Sure.

I love to bake.

You know, when Grover
was little, I used to...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Less chatter, more batter.

Okay.

What do you say, Dave?
You looking level on your side?

Not really.

Ah, don't beat yourself up.
Mine isn't, either.

Hey, guys.

Oh, look who's here.

It's Marty, showing up
completely on his own.

Right on time, but totally unplanned.

Yeah, I just figured I'd drop by
and see how you guys were doing.

Oh, great. We're halfway done
with the floor.

Yeah, uh, that's right, uh...

I got to levelwith you, Marty, I can

not evenbelieve how well it's going.

Well, actually,
from where I'm standing,

i-it looks a little slanted.

Oh.
Eh, maybe.

But trust me, it'll look straight

when it's 12 feet in the air.

So-so, when you get it up there,

what are you gonna use
to support it? Is...

You gonna use braces
or a cantilever system?

Oh, a cantilever system.
You know what's crazy?

Grover was just
asking for one of those.

No, man, don't worry about that stuff.

I got something way sturdier in mind.

Oh. W-What?

I'm gonna nail it to that branch

and then I'm-a tie a
bungee cord and run it

all the way over to
that telephone pole.

Yeah, I got to say, Dad,
from an engineering standpoint,

that doesn't sound super safe to me.

You're probably right.

Two bungee cords it is.

Yeah, uh, I don't know, Calvin.

I-I think Marty is making
some pretty good points.

Yeah, speaking of points,

maybe we should hammer down
some of these exposed nails.

What are you talking about?

That's a built-in security system

to keep the squirrels out.

I don't know, Calvin, uh,

I think I'm leaning
towards Marty's suggestion.

It feels a little bit less tetanusy.

All right, fine,
we'll hammer in the nails.

Good. Y-You know,

the squirrels probably
won't even be a problem.

I know. 'Cause I'm-a
put barbed wire

all around this thing instead.

Good idea, fellas.

Alexa, set cookie timer
for 12 minutes.

Cookie timer set for 12 minutes.

Girl, you are such a big help.

Now, if you could talk trash
and drink wine, we could hang.

Okay, here you go.

100 vegan carob chip cookies.

What?
I'm kidding.

These are so unhealthy,

there's a little heart
attack in each one.

Hey, Mom, did you hear
the bad news about Mr. Pickett?

Oh, he fell down the stairs and... Oh!

Cookies.

Mmm.

Oh, my God.

Mom, these are the best cookies
you ever made.

Excuse me?

I'm serious, Ma.

I don't know what you did different,

but these right here
put all your other cookies

to shame.

Mmm.

Actually, I baked that batch.

You say what now?

Those are hers.

You know what?

I spoke way too soon.

Let me go ahead and try one of yours.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

You see? I was wrong.

I was wrong.
These are way better.

Still Gemma's.

You know what?

Let me try one of these
right... Just get out of here!

Look at that floor.

Solid as a rock.

I told you that dead branch
was strong enough to hold it.

Yeah, uh,

lucky for us you spotted it

so very, very high up in the tree.

Oh, know what we should do,

is get a steel pipe
and put it on the roof

so Grover can fly a pirate flag.

Oh, that's a great idea.

No kid's wooden fort is complete

without a lightning rod
attached to it.

Now, you see a problem,
I see free electricity.

Yeah...

You know, though, maybe
we skip the flagpole.

Yeah, Grover's not into
pirates anymore anyway.

Oh, that's too bad.

I see at least three planks up there

just begging to be walked off.

What's your deal, Marty?

Why you keep criticizing
everything I do?

Well, i-it's not about you, Dad.
I'm just looking out for Grover.

You know what?
I-I like the sound of that.

You know, Grover
has very delicate bones.

He's... he's basically
like a little baby bird.

Eh, the only baby
around here is Marty.

"Wah, the floor is uneven."

"Wah, lightning's bad for you."

I'm just trying to make it safe.

No, what you're doing
is trying to make it boring.

Half the fun of a tree house
is taking some risk.

A little sense of adventure.

When did you become so soft?

I'm not soft, Dad.

I'm just trying to stop
this tree house from being

an even bigger disaster
than the one you built us.

What are you talking about?
You loved that tree house.

No, man, I hated it. That thing
was way too dangerous.

Name one thing that was
dangerous about it.

Dad, you built it over a barbecue pit.

It's called heated floors.

G-Guys, please stop arguing.

Look, I'm not arguing,
I'm just realizing

how ungrateful my son is.

Yeah, and I'm just realizing
how reckless

and irresponsible my dad is.

You know what, Marty, what-what
are you even doing here?

Nobody invited you.
Right, Dave?

Yeah, totally uninvited, but at
the same time, very welcome.

Yeah, fine, you guys don't want
my help, I'm out of here.

I was just trying to keep Grover safe.

Well, you don't have
to worry about that,

because when it comes to tree houses,

nobody builds 'em better than me.

Oh!

Boom. There's your
rope swing right there.

Hey, Dave, what's up?

And if you say the tree house,
I will be shocked.

I came over to apologize
for yesterday.

The last thing I wanted was to cause

a fight between you and your dad.

I mean, you didn't start that fight.

He did when he called me soft.

It's messed up. Yeah, I totally get it.

I'd hate it if Calvin
ever thought I were soft.

But come on, Marty,
I need you to come back.

For Grover's sake.

How bad is it?

It is a nightmare.
He's over there right now

trying to get a diving board

to reach the neighbors' swimming pool.

Dave, I tried to help, man.
You saw what happened.

I know, and I should have
backed you up, but...

but it's hard.

Your dad's heart is
in the right place,

even though I'm pretty sure
his support beams are not.

Well,

if you want me to come back,

you're gonna have to make my dad
do things my way.

Absolutely. Look, Marty,

from now on, you are in charge,
no matter what.

Okay, good. But we better get
over there quick

because the neighbors drained
that pool two years ago.

Oh...

Hey. Okay for me to come in?

Of course, Gemma, why wouldn't it be?

I don't know,
I was worried you might still be

upset about that whole cookie
thing yesterday.

Ah, please, they're just silly cookies

that I've baked for Malcolm
his whole life,

ever since I squeezed his sorry
ass out of my damn body.

I know, I'm sorry.

No, no, it's not your fault.

Malcolm was right,
your cookies were delicious.

Thanks.

You're welcome. And besides,

obviously it was just a fluke.

What do you mean, a fluke?

Oh, I'm sorry, Gemma,
I didn't mean it like that.

I'm just saying, everyone knows that

my cookies eat yours for breakfast.

Well, everyone might know,

but clearly Malcolm doesn't.

Okay, okay.

Well, it sounds like there's
only one way to settle this.

You talking bake-off?

Oh, you know it.
Name your cookie.

Shortbread?
Snickerdoodle?

If we're gonna do it,
let's go all the way.

You talking oatmeal?

With raisins.

Is there any other way?

Actually, sometimes they
use chocolate chips.

Oh, that sounds yummy.
Let's do that instead. Okay.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, look who's back,
the building inspector.

Actually, Calvin,
I asked Marty to come back.

Why would you do that?

Look, I know you're just
trying to make this place

as much fun as possible
for Grover, but...

it would be nice if he were
actually alive to enjoy it.

Seriously?
You're taking his side?

Look, Calvin, there are no sides.

Yeah, like this place
when somebody sneezes

and the walls fall down.

Know what? Fine.

If neither of you think
that I can do this,

then I'm out of here.

But I'm taking my nail with me.

What was that?

Oh, relax.
It's just the floor

settling onto the tree.

Now it's even more rock-solid.

M-Maybe I should put this nail
back where it, where it was.

Okay.

I got to admit,

now the floor is a little slanted.

Whoa.

Hey, ladies... Enough small talk.

We need you to settle a bet.Mm-hmm.

Uh, what bet?

We both baked one of these cookies.

All you have to do is taste them

and tell us which one you like better.

And God help you if you get it wrong.

You know, actually,
I am kind of busy right now.

But you know who loves cookies?

Marty. I'm gonna go find him.

Nice try, Malcolm.
Yeah.

Now be a man and eat
your milk and cookies!

All right, fine.

Mmm.

So, which is better?

Well...

I hate to disappoint
either of you, but...

it's a tie... everybody wins!

Malcolm!

All right, Ma.

If I had to choose,

I pick this one.

Boom! Hey!

Somebody call Keebler and tell
'em there's a new elf in town!

Well, congratulations.

I guess you were right,
my cookies were just a fluke.

I'm sorry, Gemma,
I never should've said that.

I just overreacted
because I'm Malcolm's mom.

And, you know, every mama wants

her baby to like her cookies best.

I get it, and I'm glad
he picked yours.

Thank you.

And thank you, Malcolm.

Now I'm gonna go put
your baby pictures back up.

Look, I'm sorry, Gemma.
Your cookie was good, too.

It just had a bit of, um,
a strange aftertaste.

I hope so. I put in
a crapload of pickle juice.

Pickle juice?
Why would you put pickle juice

in an oatmeal cookie?

Because I'm a mama, too.

Like your mom said,
we all want our babies

to like our cookies best.

You're a good friend, Gemma.

Not that good. At first, I was
going to put it in her cookie.

Okay, nobody move or this thing
is gonna collapse.

All right, now I know
how this looks, but I built

this thing for a couple
of little kids.

Not three grown men.

That being said,
I probably could've used

a few more bungee cords.

Okay, so what do we do now?

And if you're gonna say
pee your pants, well...

mission accomplished.

Well, Marty, you're an engineer.

If anybody can figure a way
to get us out of here, it's you.

Okay, okay, okay, uh...
all right, I-I think I got it.

Um, if-if we coordinate our movements

and redistribute
our body weight, that should

counterbalance the floor
until we can each get out.

Great idea.
And may I say,

as a professional conflict mediator,

an excellent team-building exercise.

You know...
Okay, all right.

You might want to hurry this thing up.

This tree is getting sick
of Dave, too.

Okay... okay, Dave?

You're closest to the door.
I'm gonna slide two steps

to the left, Dad, you take
two steps to the right.

That should balance the floor.

Ready?

Go!

All right.

Okay, all right, Dave, you climb out.

Dad, as soon as he does,
you take another step

to the left.
I'm gonna take two steps back.

Oh, so this is like the Electric
Slide meets the Cupid Shuffle.

No, Dad, Dad, no!

Oh, my God.

Oh, oh, ooh!

That-That-That's on me right there.

Okay, Dave, go!

Okay.

And for the record, there are

no two men that I'd rather be
trapped in a tree house

with than the two of you! Get out of here!

Okay, Dad.

It's your turn.

No, son, you go.

All right, this is my fault.

If I had listened to your suggestions,

we wouldn't be here
in the first place.

I just got carried away.

It's okay, man. You were
just trying to make it fun.

The same way you did
when you built ours.

Thanks.

And I shouldn't have called you soft,

because you're not.

You mean that?

Yeah. I mean,

the way you kept your cool
and figured out

a way to get us out of here,

there's nothing soft about that.

Thanks, Dad.

Bring it in, son.

All right, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.

Bring it out, bring it out!

Okay, okay, Dad, I'm going.

I'll see you on the ground.

One way or the other.

Damn.

Why did I let Dave go first?

You were right, this is a much
better idea than the one I had.

True. Although I would've
loved to see my dad try

to Mary Poppins his way down
with your beach umbrella.

Calvin, you okay up there?

Yeah, but I'm running out of time!

When's that umbrella coming?

Okay... change of plans.

We've got some mattresses
for you to land on!

Dad, you got to jump now!

A squirrel just did
and I think he knows something.

All right, here I come!

Just remember,
you're the Black Bruce Willis.

Yippee ki-yay, mother brother!

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