Original subtitles

INSPECTOR CHAN

SUPER CRIME FIGHTERS

Anyone else?

Such a beautiful young lady...

...and here she is, trapped in the station...

...just for spitting?

Is this what has become of justice?

Has democracy gone berserk?

He is only Commissioner...

...because he pays his dues to the Crocodile Gang.

And still you morons treat me like this?

Sorry, we didn't know she was your wife.

Now you know, you ugly fucking...!

What are you staring at? You want the address to my tailor?

With assets like yours,

the movie theater's wouldn't be deserted on Sundays.

So where's the, Limo?

Back inside!

Call the guards!

Don't bother with that, Crocodile.

While you were chatting with the law, your men decided they'd rather sign up with us.

That's what you think! Go on, my boys, riddle his ass.

Wait just a minute. Remember when you came to my house for dinner?

Hey, Boss.

Sir...

Please don't hurt me.

Not to worry.

I would never harm a Lady. Run along, child!

You're too kind.

Come down and clean up the mess!

THE AXE GANG

In a time of social unrest and disorder...

In a time of social unrest and disorder...

...the gangs have moved in to consolidate their power.

The most feared of them all is the Axe Gang.

Only in the poorest districts, which hold no interest for the gangs...

...can people live in peace.

PIG STY ALLEY

One, two, three!

- Can you manage that, Coolie? - Easy!

TAILOR

NOODLES AND CONGEE

- Donut, my cheque. - Here

- How much? - Uh-uh, It's all on the house!

I like you, Donut.

- It's nothing, not at all. - See ya.

You know, I think I'll try and get the wife not to raise your rent this month.

- You're too kind. - Good day, Landlord!

Good morning, Landlord!

Oh, you so have grown up all of a sudden!

Come visit me and lets play doctor!

Landlord, what a delight to see you.

What's to laugh about it?

I haven't a clue...!

It's too low. The slit has to be 9 inches high at least. Can you handle that?

Oh, I can handle it!

Oh, Look. A shooting star!

I thought you were a decent girl!

You monster. Right in front of the tailors eyes!

Jane, I just want to be friends! Stay here. Wait.

I was only joking, Jane!

Mrs Slum Queen!

Hey, Landlady!

Did you forget to pay your taxes? There's no more water down here.

Water doesn't just fall from the clouds, you know?

You've got a pretty big mouth for someone who's four months behind on his rent.

I was right in the middle of my monthly shampoo. I have a right to wash my hair.

Oh, you are a trouble maker?

From now on, no water on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's.

And I'm rationing it, Tuesday's, Thursday's and Saturday's and that's, that.

I've had it with your whining and complaining. Want everything free around here, assholes!

Is it late for a good morning, Landlady!

Don't sweet talk me, you worm. You catch up on your rent, or I'll burn your store down.

What? What's so funny? The same thing applies to you, you little faggot!

All might and no brains! Why don't you get yourself a real job.

Months overdue and not even a lousy "good morning."

You're gonna end up being a coolie your whole life.

There's your shampoo, you little prick!

Hey! I wanted those for breakfast, not for dinner

You see, there was this old women and I helped her across the street.

- And what are you doing here? - Someone was complaining about perverts

Watching the girls shower. Did you see anyone?

What? Don't point at me, you have no proof, empty baseless accusations.

She is totally crazy. Completely of her rocking chair

Go away!

Can you teach me how to do that, sir?

Sure, lesson one!

- Who do I do? - My boss.

Have a seat.

- There! That's fifty cents. - Are you kidding

A perfect little trim?

It's too stylish!

Makes him look way to slick.

Like a fruit cake.

Don't get all worked up, boss. He's an old buddy. Let me handle this.

He's boss of the notorious Axe Gang. See the tattoos on him? He'll kill us.

Chiefs who command respect, should look like they come from the gutter, got that?

- No. - Course not, you're an idiot!

But I like you, so give me what's in the till and we'll call it even.

No. Uh-huh!

Whoa! Hold the axes, boss! He's about to see the light.

Look, kid. I'm on your side. I'd hate to see your face get pushed in.

So how about we settle for a little less? Let's make it enough for a couple of drinks.

Ah-ha, so your thing is extortion

Hey, boss!

Oh, he always does that, right before he butchers someone!

He's thinking about the coolest way to do it!

I am not afraid.

You may kill me.

But thousands more will spring up in my place.

You out there! If you want to wake the lord of the Axe Gang,

you're welcome to take a step forward.

Oh, so you want to be annihilated?

Alright! You all know the rules. It's one at a time.

And I don't wanna see anyone trying to cheat.

You! The onion Lady! Come here.

Uh-huh, you think you're so tough? I'll tell you what, you take the first crack. Put it right here.

Do you lift weights?

No, honey. I raise cattle.

Lucky for you, you're important to the economy. Now get back in line.

Nut-case!

What? You watch your mouth.

I like your style, you're a woman. Otherwise...

You with your mouth hanging open? Yeah, you shrimp. You look like

you could use some sense knocked into your head. You wanna try?

Okay, if there's one thing that really bugs the hell outta me, it's cheating. Sit!

You with the glasses. You look mean enough. Come here.

Whoa. Whoa, back off, who ever asked you? I was pointing at him over there...

You! Karate kid.

You look okay, lets see what you've got!

Nah. Nah, it's okay, I don't give lessons.

What? This can't be true. Not one of you is worth the effort.

You'll all be dead before I'll even touch you.

That's the one who tried to blackmail me.

So, fat woman. Are you the boss around here or what?

Fat woman, my ass!

Hey, I'm with the Axe Gang!

Axe Gang, my ass!

Boss!

Boss, my ass!

- I will sue you for this! - Sue me, my ass!

- How about a date! - Date, my ass!

You just wait. I'll call for backup!

Like anybody will back you up, You nit-wit! I can hardly wait.

My forces are waiting, this will be the signal to charge.

They'll kick your ass. You might as well go buy yourself a coffin.

Who threw the firecracker?

Thanks for coming, brother. She did.

What are you all gaping at?

It's going to rain. Go get your laundry off the line!

You!

Are you trying to blackmail me as well? Just forget it.

Wh...

How did I get in this barrel? Does anybody know.

My back, it's broken!

The gang, call the gang!

Easy. How about a snack? Maybe some egg rolls?

Shut up. Silence.

No.

Okay, who did this?

I will count to three.

One...

two...

It was me!

How's the stuff, big boss?

Sorry, big boss!

No big deal. Don't worry about it, kid.

Feed him to the fish!

We are the bad guys! We're meant to do the killing.

And not the other way around...

Our reputation has been tarnished.

Because these two idiots pretended to be members of the Axe gang.

Easy, big boss. You are all upset. You might miss and get even angrier.

Anyhow, you are the boss here. Let your men do the dirty work.

Do the dirty work, come on.

- Boss, we got a lock picker here. - Sorry. That's what I do for a living.

Alright. Give the other one a shot, if you're so hot.

On your marks...

Now, you'll have till I count to three.

Chop, chop!

Ready? Three!

I am impressed!

Boss, I have always wanted to be a member

of the famous Axe gang. Please give us a chance, boss..

Ever killed anybody?

Not yet, no. But I always wanted to.

Then go out and kill someone.

That sounds like a great idea, doesn't it?

Then go!

Thank you, so much.

A bum like that can always come in handy.

I've told you a hundred times, you have to look tougher.

You have to really act the part.

No. Much more than that!

And try to stay awake for once.

Tough is tiring.

So what? That is part of the job!

Take a look around you. The streets are paved with money and women.

A little will and determination...

is all it takes to get your share. But you have to grab the opportunity.

This is our big chance!

All we have to do is kill someone, and we'll be like that.

Then we'll have all the women and money we want!

Not like those bums back there...

They have no ambition. No future. A bunch of losers.

What are you staring at, four-eyes? Want me to smash your glasses?

Hey, go to hell!

I dare you to say that again!

- You're really going to kill someone? - Of course I will. I'm

gonna start with four-eyes over here, then the fat lady up in pig-sty and all her neighbors.

Yes, but their kung-fu is unbeatable.

- Unbeatable? You haven't seen me fight yet! - You know kung-fu?

Didn't I tell you, I once learnt the technique of Buddhist Palm?

Hey there, young man. Wait a minute.

Whoa. Amazing! Amazing!

Do you know you have a very special aura about you?

You're still a child, but you have the bone structure...

and the chi-flow of a kung-fu genius.

If your chi-flow can be channeled, then you will be invincible.

Remember the old saying, you cannot escape your destiny.

The duty of upholding world peace and punishing evil will be yours.

Uh-humm.

Here, the Buddhist Palm manual of training.

It's priceless. But since this is fate, I can let you have it for $10.

BUDDHIST PALM MANUAL

- You gave him all the money you had? - Yes.

I had been saving it so I could become a Surgeon or a Lawyer one day.

But this seemed like a chance to save the world.

Let her go!

Oh, do it yourself Kung-Fu!

The whole Buddhist Palm for 20-Cents.

You must be loaded.

Have you killed anyone lately?

The total idiot and the deaf mute. What a bunch of losers!

I realized then that good guys never win. I want to be evil.

I want to be a ruthless killer!

- Lets get some ice cream! - Where?

Wait. Do you have vanilla?

I want chocolate!

What's the matter, have you never seen an ice cream thief?

Catch us if you can!

If you're such kung-fu masters, take your show on the road.

You belong in the circus, not in a respectable neighborhood. I never want to see your ugly faces again.

Don't be so hard on them. I'm sure they had a reason for doing what they did.

Everyone has his reasons.

But causing trouble was the last thing we wanted.

Well, good for you, the Axe gang is serious.

We'll never hear the end of this. Why don't you clowns just get lost?

Why is it that your wife is always so nasty?

Like a little massage?

Masters.

We have nothing precious to offer...

...but our gratitude is infinite.

Thank you for saving us!

Stop sniveling. This isn't a funeral!

- How can you be so cold-hearted. - What's that? Keep your mouth shut.

You may be good at kung-fu, but you're still a fairy.

Is it a crime to know kung-fu?

Oh, she's gonna drown in her own tears, once a pansy, always a pansy.

And what's with the red underwear? Is that something you can find in the night?

You'd be better off in diapers.

What's wrong with red underwear?

When there was trouble, you simply took off, while these guys saved our butts.

And now you're trying to chase them away. I'm grateful and you should try to be more

- appreciative. - Of what

Every single one of you owes me back-rent. $150, $200, $180.

You owe me $95, now pay up or pack up!

Don't worry, guys. I'll pay the bill.

With what, tooth fairy?

What's it to you where I get my money, you fat-so?

- You little bitch! - Look who's talking?

Calm down, Landlady.

- You keep out of this, this is all your fault. - You're like a tyrant.

Look at her, she's turned her back. She doesn't care.

How could you do that?

Shut your mouth!

Anyone who thinks they can out yell me, had better think again?

The fat cow makes a lot of noise, I'm going to kill her.

Watch this!

What happened?

Can you do better? Go on try it.

- To throw it? - Of course!

Sorry! Are you okay?

I think you should try to go a little bit closer and take better aim.

I got it!

- Who's throwing handles? - Uhh?

Who did this to you? It's missing a handle.

I know, but that doesn't make it feel any better.

We should check for finger prints, let's have a look...

- Don't! - I'm sorry.

What are you trying to say?

I forgot that I have something important to take care off, see you later!

Uh-no. She saw me!

Don't make a move!

Don't panic! Snakes are controllable, one little whistle and they will freeze.

Please, spare me that.

Oh, what the hell!

Uh, you again, you pair of idiots!

Go on, get back to business! What are you standing around here for?

- Let's split up! - Split what?

Yes!

What are you doing here?

Waiting for you. Aren't you hurt?

I'm fine!

Where are the wounds? Did you see a doctor?

No, why?

- Where have you been? - I don't really know.

Maybe it's better that way.

Memories can be terribly painful. Being able to forget is a great blessing!

That's quite deep. You seemed to have learnt a lot.

All the sorrows I've had to endure...

I've filled a river, now all thoughts are sacred and pure.

Hey, get out of the way!

Yeah, move!

Or I will kick your ass!

They look like grave diggers taking one of their customers for a walk.

What idiots!

I don't want to be blamed for making you leave.

So we will let Buddha decide with your ancestors spirits as witness...

It's all in the divining rods.

Good stick you stay. Bad stick you go.

HORRIFICALLY BAD FATE

Have some.

We are very glad that you have come. We need some professional advice.

We know what your problems are. One is from the Hung school.

They call him the Iron Fist. Those people on pig-sty alley are really good.

The other two are specialists of the Twelve Kicks and Hexagon Staff.

But their warrior days are long over.

...Yet, Kung-Fu masters of their level never seize to be a threat.

Which makes this job that you have asked us to perform for you, a great challenge for us.

What more can we ask?

I told you, these guys are number one. Expensive, but totally reliable. They are worth every penny they charge.

No!

The beast is number one. The evil spirit of the fire cloud is the world's greatest killer.

He was so dedicated to practicing kung fu that he lost his mind.

I have heard that he is held in an asylum for the criminally insane.

Which makes you the top killers in circulation, right?

In actuality, we are nothing more than a pair of street musicians.

Our tunes will take hold of your soul, and then slowly break your heart.

Great. Oh, that's like poetry. Don't you agree?

My friends, it is time to part.

I hope we will meet again someday.

I wish I had known we were colleagues. I could have done with some company.

Before we go our separate ways, why don't we spar a little.

No, thank you. I still have lots of packing to take care of.

- Yeah, we all do. - Right.

Twelve Kicks of the Tam School! Superb attack and defense!

The Fist of Iron, strong and subtle at once. A great Fist technique.

The Woolang Staff, a many sided technique of mystical powers!

Until we shall meet again!

Lipstick again!

Stay here, or I will break you in half.

Sorry, but I am just closing up.

You can make a suit in no time.

But I am moving away.

This is good material!

Ah, I see you know your cloth.

This is very high quality.

How high?

How high is the sky...

We'll show them what it means to insult the Axe Gang!

We will kill them and turn this place into a whore house.

You are blocking my view!

What's going on? Ahh, forget it.

Bullseye!

Do not block my view!

Damn it! I told those nit-wits to leave, but they are still here.

- Really? - They are.

What the hell is all that racket down there? I got....

I'm Sorry, don't pay any attention to her!

It's 4 o'clock. I want to get some sleep. Get out of here.

Shut up, you hag. It's time to die!

Die, my ass.

Don't listen to her!

You are still blocking the view!

Hang in there.

Be quiet!

Give us a break! Get out of here. Are you trying to kill us all?

- The view. - I sense another master.

It was the Roar. The Lion's Roar!

I thought it was a myth.

- Why didn't you tell me that it really exists? - Shut up.

- That is the last we will see of them, right? - Hmm.

This is bad, boss. Get the car started, quick!

I told you to get...

What now?

Keep it down! Don't you have any manners?

These is a working class neighborhood, people have to be at work late.

So get the hell out of my sight. Right now!

What a bunch of hoodlums!

It is no use, I cannot hold out much longer.

But having met true... Masters like you...

...I can now die in peace.

Don't say things like that, Donut.

We are just an ordinary couple, that is trying to live in peace.

Fighting is futile.

Where as a normal life, is all that one should aspire to.

But you are so good at martial arts.

If only you'd helped us earlier, all this would never have happened..

Everybody has his good reasons.

Several years ago, my poor husband and I...

...we saw our only son beaten to death in a fight.

Revenge can be devastating.

Do you understand what I am saying?

There is only one solution to the matter, you must teach us all that you know...

Help us become Kung-Fu fighters and we will avenge them!

But it takes years to reach the top. Being a fighter is not easy.

Either you are born with a calling, or you are not.

And the chances of that are about one in a million.

It is obvious, I am the chosen one.

No, doesn't have what it takes.

Listen! We swore that we would never fight again. That we would rest our skills forever.

Tonight we broke that solemn promise.

For your own good, why don't you all just all go away.

With great power, comes great responsibility.

Donut, you are badly hurt.

You must keep still.

This could be the end of a beautiful... friendship.

No, Donut. Tomorrow is another day.

Donut!

Hey, there, four-eyes!

I note that your tolerance for the sight-impaired is rather limited.

That's right. Especially when they're wearing gold-frames.

I'm a clerk. Gold frames look good on clerks, I like.

The way I look. So don't hassle me, you little fool.

Help me!

Alley cats, mongrels, dogs, rats.

So much for your... so-so-so-so.

Come down here, and I'll shove your glasses down your throat, you hear me.

You know damn well that I would have done that.

Was that a yes?

I would have!

You have no respect. You're never there when I need you.

You sound like a wimp!

Because of you we're always getting beaten up.

We have nothing to show. No murder, no rapes, no arson, no theft. No nothing...

I know all that because you can't get your fat ass in gear.

What have I done to deserve you as a partner?

Lets go!

This is a stickup! Where is the money?

Where is the money? Give it to me.

Don't look at me like that. I mean it!

I have killed people for less! Now get the money. Go on!

It's in here.

Let her go!

A total idiot and a deaf mute! What a bunch of losers.

Leave me alone! You're just dead weight!

Here take this. Go home and raise pigs. That is where you belong.

Go on, before I kill you.

Hey, kid! Hey, what's your name?

There you go, buy yourself some new clothes. You're now a member of The Axe gang.

- Are you serious? - Yes, and there's someone back here waiting for you.

Brother Sum!

When I first saw you, I knew you'd be a courageous man of many talents.

Aha!

Looking for an opportunity.

Right!

I have an assignment for you.

For you I would eat fire.

"Research for abnormal development." What's that?

A nut-house for crazies.

What is the army doing there?

Those are not soldiers. They're Boy Scouts.

With tanks?

Forget it, they are just models.

Now when those scouts change the guards, five minutes is all you will have.

You must follow these arrows to the last cell. When you find it...

force the door, and get the man in there out. Here's your tool kit. Five minutes. Now go!

What about you?

We will be your lookouts, of course.

You have five minutes. Get on with it.

The world's finest killer, the Beast himself is clearly dressed to suit his reputation.

That is only a label. Do not worry.

We want two people killed and you're the one who's going to do it. Now what do you charge.

What do I charge?

I've killed so many over the years, so many just trying to find a worthy adversary.

That's why I stay in my cell, because there was know one out there.

I would have escaped long ago if I had found someone... If you

find me such an opponent, then, young friend,

I will make you an offer you cannot refuse.

...I will do it for free.

Do you have someone?

Yes. We have just what you are looking for, the very best. This is gonna be the fight of the century.

Would you mind demonstrating some of your technique.

Not that we don't trust you. We just want to see what we are buying.

You fools are not worthy. I am just wasting my time here.

- Yes, boss - He looks like refuge.

I agree, those sandals look totally worn out. But a change of clothes will make him look,

- quite respectable. - Are you sure you brought the right one?

Oh, yes, boss. I am certain. I swear I followed your order to the letter.

Mr Beast, please show us a sample of your technique. My careers on the line.

What do I care?

Okay, old man. You see this?

Have you ever gone up against a fist this big?

I am almost afraid to use it. Do you realize the danger you're in?

Really? Try me, then.

See what I mean, is he conscious?

Aha, and you say you can fight?

Harder!

Harder!

Much harder!

If that is all you have to offer, how can you call yourself a gangster?

Do they make this for men?

In the world of kung-fu, speed determines the winner.

That leaves no doubt about who our honored guest is.

Your skill is unique. The Axe Gang offers its respect.

The three true masters of kung-fu!

Only the world's top killer exerts an honor like that...

...it cruds the air.

And what is that other aura telling me?

Am I looking at the legendary tragic couple? The great...

Young Beau...

I'm the dragons daughter!

It is a great honor to be here.

We have come to eliminate The Axe Gang...

...and only the Axe Gang.

You should've killed me while you had the chance.

But it is too late. Now that you are here, you are doomed to die.

You are living on borrowed time. Your fate is sealed.

We brought you a gift you cannot refuse!

What is this? A funeral bell?

Ha. With the beast on our side, we shall see for whom the bell tolls.

Are you here on their behalf?

Don't misunderstand me.

The only thing I'm here for is to kill the two of you...

...or for you to kill me, if you have what it takes.

What is your opinion, dear?

In this world good cannot exist along side with evil. Such is destiny.

Then that is the decision. Shall we?

Okay.

Let's dance!

That's okay for starters. Now let's try again.

That was much better, but you are still lacking precision.

The Lion's Roar?

Wait!

Know body told me the Lion's Roar could be done through a loud speaker!

I concede my defeat!

Looks like he's not up to it. This is our big chance. Get them while they are down.

You do it!

- I'm gonna be sick. I need a doctor. - Go to hell!

You! Come here.

- Hit him! - Okay.

- On the head! - Yes, sir!

- Hit him on the head! - Okay.

- Now's your chance. - Right!

- Go on! - I will!

- Smash him on the head! - I will!

- On the head! - I will!

Beat him to a pulp!

What was that?

Do you want me to beat him to a pulp, or just smash him on the head?

You are totally confusing me!

Wow. A pretty big fist you have there. Careful with that.

Why did you hit me?

Where are they? They are gone.

You're completely useless. You let them get away?

I cannot be defeated. Not in this world.

Why did he try to save us?

These young people often make mistakes when they are starting out.

We must forgive them, if they make good in the end.

Just look. Beaten to a pulp. The poor boy.

Do you have a last request? Just tell us.

Wait, wait! What are you writing?

I do not know this character. I cannot understand. Wait, wait.

No one here?

CHINESE MEDICINE

It is truly a miracle he has survived this long.

Your herbs are playing their part.

The herbs will help him along. But the key lies within his own body.

All his bones are broken. His tendons torn. It is

amazing he is recovering so quickly. Under normal

circumstances this would be impossible, unless...

Unless of course...

You smell that?

You must not smoke while you are injured.

Let me deal with this.

This makes no sense.

Who would ever have thought that the boy's chi-flow would be released

by the Beast's thrashing?

Right, still we should have noticed earlier.

That he may be the greatest kung-fu genius to ever come along.

I wonder what I'd be up to next?

So you're still alive, you traitor?

Axes, forward!

The toe crusher.

That went out of style when I left kindergarten.

Our son would have been just about his age now.

If he is willing to make the effort, he could surely become a doctor or a lawyer.

More likely a great kung-fu fighter.

Not bad. Now what.

Child's play. I can stop bullets...

Huh. Isn't that the Toad technique of the Kwan Lun?

I'm afraid so.

Do you remember the Buddhist technique of the Palm descending from heaven?

The long lost art we all thought was forever gone.

I surrender!

What's the name of your technique?

Do you want to learn? I will teach you.

Master!

Hey! Tell your son not to smear his snot on the glass.

You two! Don't put your pants down in here!

Hey, if you're licking, you have to buy it.

Sonny, you have the structure of the chi-flow of a kung-fu genius.

Upholding world peace is in your hands. The Buddhist Palm manual.

Since it's fate, you can have it for $10.

Wait!

You don't follow the Palm method? Try one of these.

Pick a manual. Any manual.

Edited by Scooby