All language subtitles for Cunk.And.Other.Humans.On.2019.S01E05.HDTV.x264-LiNKLE[eztv]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:07,200 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:11,800 Throughout 2019, British politics was in flux, with old certainties getting shat through a bin bag. 3 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,840 At the start of 2019, there was this sort of Theresa May woman, 4 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,960 who'd been Prime Minister by mistake for almost three years. 5 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,080 Some people thought Theresa May looked awkward in her own skin, 6 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,800 but I'm not convinced it was her own skin. 7 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,480 She had this sort of habit of going... 8 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,880 ..with her mouth, like a fish that had just got hooked 9 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,520 on a political problem. 10 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:35,200 Even when she was smiling, you could see her face started thinking, 11 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,440 "I'm not sure about this," and then she'd start... 12 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,680 Like, all over the shop. 13 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,280 Anyway, her biggest problem was, she'd set herself the job of 14 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,920 delivering some sort of Brexit deal, 15 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,040 but no-one could agree on what that was. 16 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,040 In fact, the only thing anyone did agree on 17 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,200 was that she was making the disagreements worse. 18 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,640 CHANTING: What do we want? Brexit! 19 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,000 When do we want it? Now! 20 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,280 Let's get out. 21 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:56,920 Let's have Brexit! 22 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,600 Leavers kept saying Brexit was the will of the people. 23 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,160 What I believe we must do is deliver on the will of the people. 24 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,080 And the 48% who had voted Remain weren't happy about that, 25 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,280 because they were people too. 26 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,680 But in a referendum, the side that wins gets to decide 27 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:15,160 which way everyone else had really wanted to vote in the first place, 28 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,080 and then add that to their score. 29 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:21,880 So once you factor that in, the result goes from 52% to 100% Leave, 30 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,800 which is why it's the will of the people. 31 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,120 And you can't argue with that. 32 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,120 Or even secretly disagree with it, 33 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,600 because it's your own will. 34 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,720 Anyway, the MPs kept trying to do Brexit again, and again, 35 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:36,000 and they couldn't quite shunt it through the voting hole, 36 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,960 or whatever it is they use. 37 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,600 MPs have rejected Theresa May's withdrawal agreement 38 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,200 for a third time, throwing the UK's Brexit strategy 39 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,480 into further confusion. 40 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,920 While all this was going on, 41 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,440 Corbyn still didn't know how he felt about Brexit. 42 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,600 It was really difficult for him. 43 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,600 Even harder than trying to work out what anti-Semitism is. 44 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,440 So he decided to appeal to Leavers and Remainers by not saying anything 45 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,320 that might inspire either of them. 46 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,520 And when you're trying to unite opposing sides like that, 47 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,960 the last thing you need is a bunch of fucking centrists in your party, 48 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,440 getting in the way. 49 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:13,480 Some of his followers told them to fuck off and join the Tories. 50 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,000 So they did - 51 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,560 the obedient bastards. 52 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,600 Suddenly there was this group called Change "uck", 53 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:24,040 who altered the face of British politics for an entire afternoon. 54 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,480 By April, the whole thing was in total shitlock. 55 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,200 So we had to hold the European elections. 56 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,520 That's when Nigel Farage invented the Brexit Party. 57 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,240 It's one of those no-nonsense names that does what it says 58 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,520 on the tin - like that pile cream called AnuSol. 59 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,880 Although that comes in a tube, not a tin... 60 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,480 I expect. 61 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,200 When the votes were counted, the Tories hadn't done great, 62 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,200 so Theresa had to Article 50 the shit out of herself. 63 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,840 She said she was going to quit, 64 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:54,080 and did a bye-bye speech where her voice went a bit wobbly at the end. 65 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:58,560 To have had the opportunity... to serve the country I love. 66 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,000 I felt a bit sorry for her, 67 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,600 because it shows she really was capable of regular human emotions, 68 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,520 like self-pity and resentment. 69 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,320 Once Theresa May had gone, they had a race to be the new Prime Minister 70 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,600 among all these young hopefuls like Michael Glove, 71 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,440 and the first baby to be Home Secretary, 72 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,680 and this sort of teeth bloke, who looked like a cross 73 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,960 between Eddie Redmayne and the Child Catcher. 74 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,240 But the frontrunner was always Boris Johnson. 75 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,440 When you see him on the news with his hair and his face, 76 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,240 looking like an overstuffed scarecrow that's fallen in a trough 77 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,120 of pink-flavoured Angel Delight, you think, 78 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,120 "Hang on, I'm going to absolutely piss myself here." 79 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,760 Like a cartoon's just come on. 80 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,040 But instead of telling jokes, 81 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,400 he just sort of makes posh buffering noises. 82 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,400 I'm cautiously optimistic. 83 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,120 How-how-how-what... Is that a good enough, erm... 84 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,600 Anyway, Boris won, so he had to become Mayor of Britain for a bit. 85 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,600 The thing is, the elite establishment 86 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,320 still kept trying to stop Brexit, 87 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,720 but luckily now, there were these everyday, underdog, 88 00:03:56,720 --> 00:04:00,120 honest men of the soil like Jacob Rees-Mogg ready to take them on. 89 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:04,200 Boris had this genius bloke working for him, Dominic Cumberbatch. 90 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,640 He used to work on the Leave campaign, and they made 91 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:10,400 a film about it where he was played by his brother, Sherlock. 92 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,760 It really brought home just how clever and bold he was. 93 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,000 Because he seemed so clever in the film, 94 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,640 everyone assumed he was clever in real life 95 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,240 and that everything he did was part of a clever strategy. 96 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,320 Even if he blew off into his hand and smelt it - 97 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,600 not that he did that, but if he had, 98 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,360 it would've been for a clever reason. 99 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,440 Anyway, Boris kept trying to make Brexit happen, 100 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,160 but he couldn't manage it either, even after he'd tricked the Queen 101 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,040 into turning Parliament off and on again. 102 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,960 So he gave this speech saying he didn't want an election... 103 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,960 I don't want an election. ..And that no-one wanted an election. 104 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,600 You don't want an election. 105 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,640 And then he asked for an election. 106 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,200 As if that was going to work! 9118

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