All language subtitles for Cunk.And.Other.Humans.On.2019.S01E01.HDTV.x264-LiNKLE[eztv]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,360 This programme contains very strong language. 2 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,320 Standing here in the English countryside, 3 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,920 it may not seem obvious, 4 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:16,680 but we are facing a man-made disaster on a global scale. 5 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,120 David Attenborough did a TV show about the environment 6 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,000 called Climate Change - The Facts, 7 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,440 which is irresponsible of him because you can't change the facts. 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,000 That's what all the science people in the programme kept saying. 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,360 Once you've crossed the tipping point, that's it - 10 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,240 you've triggered a catastrophic change. 11 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,840 It was basically a snuff movie starring everyone on the planet, 12 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,040 all the animals and the ice 13 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,680 and the forests and the oceans - everything. 14 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,080 All the way down to the ants, probably. 15 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,520 They didn't actually show what'll happen to the ants, 16 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,400 but they're the first to go in a stampede situation, 17 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:53,080 so chances are they're fucked too. 18 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:57,160 2019 was scary in a lot of ways, but I think the scariest part 19 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,560 of the year was when this girl travelling through time 20 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,640 to the Davos summit to bring us all a warning from the future. 21 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,560 I am here to say our house 22 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:05,960 is on fire. 23 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,720 It was like something from a horror movie 24 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:11,680 except instead of riding a tricycle around an abandoned hotel, 25 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,600 she was delivering a terrifying prophecy, 26 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,720 and the twist was it's true. 27 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,680 People are suffering, people are dying 28 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,360 and our ecosystems are collapsing. 29 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,880 Normally I'd just ignore the terrified pleading of a child, 30 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,640 but even I've noticed the weather's been a bit weird this year, 31 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,480 like it's on shuffle mode. 32 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,560 One minute it was colder than ever, 33 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,360 and then it was wetter than ever, 34 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,240 then it was hotter than ever. 35 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,400 At one point, the Amazon caught fire, 36 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,120 which must have been a real blow to those people trying to chop it down. 37 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:47,560 The eyes of all future generations are upon you, 38 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:53,000 and if you choose to fail us, I say, we will never forgive you. 39 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,560 Whenever there's a kid asking difficult questions, 40 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,240 it's important to ask, 41 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,680 what's her background? You know? 42 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,960 How can I discredit this? 43 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,880 And it turns out her mum took part in Eurovision once. 44 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:10,120 # Can you keep a secret? Can you keep a secret? # 45 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,880 So she's just part of the Eurovision elite. 46 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,600 Even though everything Greta Thunderberg said was depressing, 47 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,120 she got really popular, like Radiohead. 48 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,440 And soon she was on tour, hanging out on yachts 49 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,320 and meeting Hollywood stars. 50 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,400 And because she was making everybody focus on this massive threat 51 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,880 to human civilisation, some people got annoyed she was taking 52 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,400 attention away from more important things, like themselves. 53 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,800 No, I think she needs to get back to school and shut up. 54 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:40,280 Grown men taking the piss out of a 16-year-old girl sounds cowardly, 55 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,320 but when you think about what massive wankers it made them seem 56 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:47,960 to literally everyone, it's an act of extreme heroism, in a way. 57 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,520 A bit like being a first responder rushing selflessly 58 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:54,560 into the Twin Towers, but the cunts version of that. 59 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,400 They'll probably make a movie about her life. 60 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,440 I don't know what the overall story will be, 61 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,880 but because she's a Swedish schoolgirl 62 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:05,120 that middle-aged men seem to hate, it'll basically be the opposite 63 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,160 of the last 40 or so Woody Allen films. 64 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,600 Here, schoolchildren across the UK have been taking part 65 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:14,480 in a day of protests, calling for action on climate change. 66 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,640 We have to do something to save the planet. 67 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,440 ALL CHANT: This is what democracy looks like! 68 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:20,760 It was a strange feeling, 69 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,320 seeing all these tiny children marching to demand a future. 70 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:28,280 It filled me with despair, but it also made me quite broody, 71 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,720 and now I can't wait to have a frightened little baby. 72 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:35,000 The kids say, "All they want is a future," which is fine, 73 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,600 but a few years ago, they said all they wanted was a fidget spinner. 74 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,480 Make up your fucking minds. 75 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,360 It is one craze after another with them. 76 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,720 They'll be into something else in a few years, 77 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,400 like fighting for water or something. 78 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,680 The kids weren't the only ones protesting. 79 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,040 There were these Extinction Rebel Lion people as well 80 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,720 who took over bits of London. 81 00:03:55,720 --> 00:04:00,160 It's a good cause, but it did look like the whitest carnival ever. 82 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,880 At one point, they stopped people using the tube. 83 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,640 A lot of people said the protesters 84 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,680 shouldn't have targeted public transport because 85 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,320 it's one of the most environmentally friendly ways of travelling. 86 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,960 You're stopping an electric train. It's electric. 87 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,720 But sometimes, in a protest, it's important to do things that 88 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,680 make absolutely no fucking sense and alienate everyone. 89 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,880 The thing with climate change is it's hard to know what to think. 90 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,320 You've got half the world's scientists saying one thing 91 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,480 and the other half completely agreeing with them. 92 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,400 So it's all just their opinion. 93 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,440 If we all ate less meat, that would help. 94 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,520 I'm fully vegan now, apart from the odd bit of cheese and chorizo. 95 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,760 And Bovril. 8246

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