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This programme contains
very strong language.
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Standing here in
the English countryside,
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it may not seem obvious,
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but we are facing a man-made
disaster on a global scale.
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David Attenborough did
a TV show about the environment
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called Climate Change - The Facts,
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which is irresponsible of him
because you can't change the facts.
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That's what all the science people
in the programme kept saying.
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Once you've crossed
the tipping point, that's it -
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you've triggered
a catastrophic change.
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It was basically a snuff movie
starring everyone on the planet,
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all the animals and the ice
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and the forests and the oceans -
everything.
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All the way down to the ants,
probably.
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They didn't actually show
what'll happen to the ants,
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but they're the first to go in
a stampede situation,
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so chances are they're fucked too.
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2019 was scary in a lot of ways,
but I think the scariest part
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of the year was when this girl
travelling through time
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to the Davos summit to bring us
all a warning from the future.
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I am here to say our house
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is on fire.
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It was like something from
a horror movie
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except instead of riding a tricycle
around an abandoned hotel,
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she was delivering
a terrifying prophecy,
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and the twist was it's true.
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People are suffering,
people are dying
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and our ecosystems are collapsing.
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Normally I'd just ignore
the terrified pleading of a child,
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but even I've noticed the weather's
been a bit weird this year,
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like it's on shuffle mode.
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One minute it was colder than ever,
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and then it was wetter than ever,
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then it was hotter than ever.
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At one point,
the Amazon caught fire,
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which must have been a real blow to
those people trying to chop it down.
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The eyes of all future generations
are upon you,
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and if you choose to fail us,
I say, we will never forgive you.
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Whenever there's a kid asking
difficult questions,
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it's important to ask,
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what's her background? You know?
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How can I discredit this?
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And it turns out her mum
took part in Eurovision once.
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# Can you keep a secret?
Can you keep a secret? #
45
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So she's just part of
the Eurovision elite.
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Even though everything Greta
Thunderberg said was depressing,
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she got really popular,
like Radiohead.
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00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,440
And soon she was on tour,
hanging out on yachts
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and meeting Hollywood stars.
50
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And because she was making everybody
focus on this massive threat
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to human civilisation, some people
got annoyed she was taking
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attention away from more important
things, like themselves.
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No, I think she needs to get
back to school and shut up.
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Grown men taking the piss out of
a 16-year-old girl sounds cowardly,
55
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but when you think about what
massive wankers it made them seem
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to literally everyone, it's
an act of extreme heroism, in a way.
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A bit like being
a first responder rushing selflessly
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into the Twin Towers,
but the cunts version of that.
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They'll probably make a movie
about her life.
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I don't know what
the overall story will be,
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but because
she's a Swedish schoolgirl
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that middle-aged men seem to hate,
it'll basically be the opposite
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of the last 40 or so
Woody Allen films.
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Here, schoolchildren across the UK
have been taking part
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in a day of protests, calling
for action on climate change.
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We have to do something
to save the planet.
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ALL CHANT: This is what democracy
looks like!
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It was a strange feeling,
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seeing all these tiny children
marching to demand a future.
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It filled me with despair,
but it also made me quite broody,
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and now I can't wait to have
a frightened little baby.
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The kids say, "All they want is
a future," which is fine,
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but a few years ago, they said all
they wanted was a fidget spinner.
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Make up your fucking minds.
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It is one craze after another
with them.
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They'll be into something
else in a few years,
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like fighting for water
or something.
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The kids weren't
the only ones protesting.
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00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,040
There were these Extinction
Rebel Lion people as well
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who took over bits of London.
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It's a good cause, but it did
look like the whitest carnival ever.
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At one point,
they stopped people using the tube.
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A lot of people said the protesters
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shouldn't have targeted
public transport because
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it's one of the most environmentally
friendly ways of travelling.
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You're stopping an electric train.
It's electric.
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00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,720
But sometimes, in a protest,
it's important to do things that
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make absolutely no fucking sense
and alienate everyone.
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00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,880
The thing with climate change is
it's hard to know what to think.
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00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,320
You've got half the world's
scientists saying one thing
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and the other half completely
agreeing with them.
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So it's all just their opinion.
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If we all ate less meat,
that would help.
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I'm fully vegan now, apart from
the odd bit of cheese and chorizo.
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And Bovril.
8246
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