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1
00:00:02,038 --> 00:00:03,440
[announcer] Good morning,
Seattle, and welcome
2
00:00:03,473 --> 00:00:07,181
to Old Town's 17th annual
Wiener Parade!
3
00:00:07,214 --> 00:00:08,383
We've got food trucks.
4
00:00:08,416 --> 00:00:09,686
We've got marching bands.
5
00:00:09,686 --> 00:00:10,722
And of course...
6
00:00:10,755 --> 00:00:12,458
The Wiener Queen.
7
00:00:12,458 --> 00:00:13,628
At 17 years old,
8
00:00:13,628 --> 00:00:16,366
Her Majesty
is the longest living wiener
9
00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:18,538
in Washington's history.
10
00:00:18,571 --> 00:00:21,242
I don't like one bit of this.
Something feels off.
11
00:00:21,242 --> 00:00:24,281
You just say that every time
we experience whimsy.
12
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,119
No, a parade is
no place for whimsy.
13
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,156
Whimsy is for college
improv teams before they all
14
00:00:28,189 --> 00:00:30,360
have sex with each other,
ruining the dynamic.
15
00:00:30,394 --> 00:00:32,331
Teams, this is Ace.
I got a pocket Queen.
16
00:00:32,364 --> 00:00:34,135
Check in.
Is everything copacetic?
17
00:00:34,169 --> 00:00:35,572
No. It's your worst nightmare,
Frank.
18
00:00:35,605 --> 00:00:36,707
People are having fun.
19
00:00:36,707 --> 00:00:38,210
Yeah. Everything's cool.
20
00:00:38,210 --> 00:00:40,113
It's all that
and a bag of chips.
21
00:00:40,147 --> 00:00:41,516
You got any salt and vinnies?
22
00:00:42,553 --> 00:00:45,290
[high-pitched tone]
23
00:00:46,425 --> 00:00:47,830
[child screams]
24
00:00:47,863 --> 00:00:49,399
Put your hands together
25
00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:51,837
for the Memorial High School
marching band,
26
00:00:51,837 --> 00:00:53,373
the Fighting Badgers!
27
00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:55,144
[Frank] For the love of God, no.
28
00:00:55,144 --> 00:00:57,582
Dachshunds hunt badgers.
It's in their DNA.
29
00:00:57,615 --> 00:01:00,521
Along with short legs
and back problems.
30
00:01:00,555 --> 00:01:02,357
[dogs growling]
31
00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:04,830
[Frank] Take your head off!
32
00:01:04,863 --> 00:01:06,567
Show 'em you're a man!
33
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,136
[barking]
34
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,073
[Frank] Take your head off!
35
00:01:11,544 --> 00:01:12,746
Stay calm!
36
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,448
I said stay calm!
37
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,822
Where are you?
38
00:01:17,856 --> 00:01:18,691
I lost the queen.
39
00:01:18,958 --> 00:01:20,595
She's old and blind,
she doesn't stand a chance.
40
00:01:20,629 --> 00:01:22,431
[Frank] I've got eyes
on the queen.
41
00:01:22,431 --> 00:01:24,803
Unfortunately, she's in
the middle of a sausage party
42
00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,540
and we're all invited.
43
00:01:27,776 --> 00:01:29,813
I saved the Queen!
44
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,153
I mean, it's a dog, but still.
45
00:01:33,186 --> 00:01:35,224
Dressed like a queen!
46
00:01:35,257 --> 00:01:37,294
It's peeing all over me.
47
00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:41,268
♪ [vocalizing]
48
00:02:07,288 --> 00:02:09,392
Who's excited for
the Animal Control Officer
49
00:02:09,425 --> 00:02:12,431
of the Year award weekend
in Bellingham?
50
00:02:12,464 --> 00:02:15,337
Are you gonna be like this for
the entire two-hour bus ride?
51
00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:16,641
Well, I for one am jazzed,
52
00:02:16,674 --> 00:02:19,278
because two of our ACOOTY
nominees hail from
53
00:02:19,311 --> 00:02:20,649
our very own precinct.
54
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,519
We have Frank Shaw.
55
00:02:22,552 --> 00:02:24,522
-Yeah! Whoo!
-[cheers and applause]
56
00:02:24,923 --> 00:02:27,227
And Templeton Dudge.
57
00:02:27,261 --> 00:02:29,198
[loud cheers]
58
00:02:29,198 --> 00:02:30,635
Future winners get to board
the bus first.
59
00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:32,638
Let's bring home that
hardware T-rophy!
60
00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:34,441
You know,
there's a world where
61
00:02:34,509 --> 00:02:36,814
Templeton's compression socks
cut the blood off to his heart,
62
00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:38,249
and I win by default.
63
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,753
Frank, I'm really excited
to watch you glad-hand
64
00:02:39,786 --> 00:02:42,390
on the campaign trail,
but I do have one note.
65
00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:43,528
Too handsome?
Yeah, it's a curse
66
00:02:43,528 --> 00:02:45,397
I've had to deal with
most of my life
67
00:02:45,397 --> 00:02:46,900
since a very
successful puberty.
68
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:47,835
We need to talk handshakes.
69
00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:50,240
You come from a time when
it was fun to squeeze hard,
70
00:02:50,274 --> 00:02:51,844
but that's not
where we're at now.
71
00:02:51,877 --> 00:02:53,948
Yeah. See that?
That's crazy.
72
00:02:53,948 --> 00:02:55,484
I need you to win
the Golden Moose
73
00:02:55,484 --> 00:02:56,419
so that Templeton doesn't.
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00:02:56,687 --> 00:02:58,825
'Cause I know him, and he's
gonna try and leverage a win
75
00:02:58,858 --> 00:02:59,793
to take over the precinct.
76
00:02:59,993 --> 00:03:01,964
So, no pressure, but I need you
at your most charming
77
00:03:01,997 --> 00:03:02,966
and least offensive.
78
00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:05,771
Well, it's tricky because people
find my offensiveness charming.
79
00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:06,506
If he takes over,
80
00:03:06,706 --> 00:03:07,508
I mean, it's gonna be
a nuclear winter.
81
00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:11,283
Forced overtimes, creepy
one-on-one performance reviews
82
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,654
and say goodbye
to riddle of the day.
83
00:03:13,687 --> 00:03:15,725
Uh, riddle of the day
is the first thing to go.
84
00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:18,362
After that, we're going
gender-specific uniforms.
85
00:03:18,396 --> 00:03:19,933
Girls in skirts.
86
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,001
Boys in shorts.
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00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:23,640
Terrifying.
88
00:03:24,543 --> 00:03:26,212
Are you leaving for good?
89
00:03:26,246 --> 00:03:28,517
Supplies for my annual
cocktail party!
90
00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:31,489
We had a huge crowd for
Speakeasy Fo-Sheezy last year.
91
00:03:31,524 --> 00:03:32,992
This year's theme
is Freaky Tiki.
92
00:03:32,992 --> 00:03:34,495
I don't know what to expect.
93
00:03:34,530 --> 00:03:36,299
I'm loving ACOOTY Patel, man.
94
00:03:36,332 --> 00:03:38,470
48 hours away from the family.
So full of life.
95
00:03:38,504 --> 00:03:40,407
It's a little glimpse
of what coulda been, brother.
96
00:03:40,407 --> 00:03:43,246
Okay, no flaming cocktails,
though, 'cause after the fire
97
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,549
that Victoria started
last year,
98
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:45,585
we're kind of
on thin ice with the venue.
99
00:03:45,818 --> 00:03:48,824
Um, you neglect to mention me
saving all of our co-workers
100
00:03:48,857 --> 00:03:50,862
by pulling the fire alarm,
all without spilling
101
00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:52,064
my margarita el fuego.
102
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:53,433
Thanks to you,
I spent the evening
103
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:54,168
shivering on the sidewalk.
104
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,239
Yeah, because you ripped
your shirt off
105
00:03:56,272 --> 00:03:57,441
as you were
running down the hallway.
106
00:03:57,509 --> 00:03:58,276
That was for speed.
107
00:03:58,511 --> 00:04:00,614
Look, I'm sure it was
an accident... sort of.
108
00:04:00,648 --> 00:04:02,786
But, you know you're banned
from the hotel, right?
109
00:04:02,786 --> 00:04:05,490
No, no, no, I'm banned from
booking a room at the hotel.
110
00:04:05,525 --> 00:04:07,529
That doesn't mean that I can't
find someone to crash with.
111
00:04:07,562 --> 00:04:09,566
And this is like the horniest
animal control weekend
112
00:04:09,599 --> 00:04:11,570
of the year, I'm sure someone
will take in a stray.
113
00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:13,607
Alright, let's get
everyone on the bus.
114
00:04:13,641 --> 00:04:15,043
♪
115
00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:18,282
Welcome, everybody.
116
00:04:18,517 --> 00:04:20,889
I'm Wayne Peters and
I'm running this year's ACOOTYs.
117
00:04:20,889 --> 00:04:22,659
Quick administrative
housekeeping note.
118
00:04:22,692 --> 00:04:25,397
Uh, I've noticed a few officers
walking around in these
119
00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:27,367
"What Happens in Bellingham"
t-shirts.
120
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:28,403
[crowd chuckles]
121
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,739
This is a work event.
122
00:04:29,773 --> 00:04:32,311
And we do not want
a repeat of last year.
123
00:04:32,344 --> 00:04:34,448
No, we do not, you.
124
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,319
Because what happens
in Bellingham
125
00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:38,056
can wind up on your
professional record.
126
00:04:38,323 --> 00:04:39,960
[Wayne] Okay, let's go get 'em!
127
00:04:39,993 --> 00:04:40,828
[cheers and applause]
128
00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:43,066
[Wayne] In the meantime,
cocktails and so forth.
129
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,669
Enjoy yourselves.
130
00:04:45,771 --> 00:04:48,376
Hey. So, I haven't
checked in yet.
131
00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:50,380
Should we try to get
conjoining rooms?
132
00:04:50,413 --> 00:04:51,517
What? No, of course not.
133
00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:52,786
Didn't you hear what
Wayne said?
134
00:04:52,819 --> 00:04:53,721
This is still work.
135
00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:56,092
Wait, so everybody's gonna
hook up with a co-worker here
136
00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:57,762
except for us?
-Exactly.
137
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:00,635
♪
138
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:01,703
It's Morgan from Oregon.
139
00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:04,108
Oh, I barely recognize you
with that pretty dress.
140
00:05:04,108 --> 00:05:05,311
Get outta here, girl.
141
00:05:05,344 --> 00:05:06,012
[Patel] Jerry! Hey.
142
00:05:06,212 --> 00:05:08,349
Congrats on the empty nest,
brother.
143
00:05:08,382 --> 00:05:09,351
My kids are doing great,
though.
144
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,924
I got one in travel soccer,
the other one's doing debate.
145
00:05:11,924 --> 00:05:14,461
Wait, why am I talking about
my kids at a party?
146
00:05:14,495 --> 00:05:16,332
Next thing you know,
I'll be trying to show you
147
00:05:16,365 --> 00:05:18,035
pictures of my baby
eatin' with a fork.
148
00:05:19,038 --> 00:05:20,975
It is pretty cute, though.
149
00:05:21,008 --> 00:05:21,877
Hey.
150
00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:24,749
Cheers to last year's
ACOOTY winner.
151
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:26,920
Did they put you up
in the penthouse?
152
00:05:26,953 --> 00:05:27,822
No, just a garden unit.
153
00:05:27,855 --> 00:05:29,559
Mmm. Tell me more
about this unit.
154
00:05:29,559 --> 00:05:30,360
It's pretty nice.
155
00:05:30,561 --> 00:05:32,430
It's got one of those
retractable clotheslines
156
00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:33,466
in the shower and everything.
157
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,404
My clothes get so wet.
158
00:05:35,437 --> 00:05:36,740
Man, he looks confident.
159
00:05:36,774 --> 00:05:38,778
I was a nervous wreck
this time last year,
160
00:05:38,778 --> 00:05:40,547
and I didn't even
have to write a speech.
161
00:05:40,581 --> 00:05:42,619
Wait, Frank has to give
a speech?
162
00:05:42,619 --> 00:05:43,353
Yeah.
163
00:05:43,554 --> 00:05:44,957
Can I talk to you
out here for a second?
164
00:05:44,957 --> 00:05:48,397
Okay, everybody here is
going nuts on each other.
165
00:05:48,397 --> 00:05:50,434
On the walk over,
every other door had
166
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:51,202
a Do Not Disturb sign on.
167
00:05:51,402 --> 00:05:53,172
Just try not to think about it,
you know?
168
00:05:53,172 --> 00:05:54,609
Enjoy the party.
169
00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:56,780
[Emily] Okay, yeah.
This is rough.
170
00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:58,751
-He is really gettin' in there.
-Yeah.
171
00:05:58,784 --> 00:06:03,126
You can count on the guy that
rescued 24 animals in 24 hours.
172
00:06:03,159 --> 00:06:04,128
Hey, um...
173
00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:06,600
did you know that you have to
make a speech tomorrow night?
174
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,301
Yeah. Acceptance.
175
00:06:07,502 --> 00:06:09,438
No, this is a speech
about what being
176
00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:10,708
an animal control officer
means to you,
177
00:06:10,742 --> 00:06:11,544
and it's a new thing
this year.
178
00:06:11,811 --> 00:06:13,714
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
You have to give a speech
179
00:06:13,747 --> 00:06:15,551
and you didn't know about it?
-Guys...
180
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,454
I know that I have to give
a speech.
181
00:06:17,488 --> 00:06:18,558
-Now...
-Okay.
182
00:06:18,591 --> 00:06:19,892
If you'll excuse me.
183
00:06:20,928 --> 00:06:21,963
Whew.
184
00:06:21,997 --> 00:06:24,134
[Emily] Are you, uh,
enjoying the party?
185
00:06:24,168 --> 00:06:25,838
Damn it.
If you'll excuse me.
186
00:06:25,871 --> 00:06:26,806
Okay.
187
00:06:27,107 --> 00:06:28,109
Yoo-hoo!
188
00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:31,015
Hello! Erin, do you mind if I
just jump in here real quick?
189
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,185
Oh, this is like prom
all over again.
190
00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:35,724
But don't take my word for it.
191
00:06:36,994 --> 00:06:38,463
Take mine.
192
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,703
Confirming you can still see
the teleprompter with the video?
193
00:06:41,736 --> 00:06:43,807
I don't need it, I memorized
this three weeks ago.
194
00:06:43,841 --> 00:06:45,443
I have a photographic memory.
195
00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:46,914
That's why women
don't change in front of me.
196
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:48,684
Yeah, that's one of
the reasons why.
197
00:06:48,717 --> 00:06:50,888
You kept the speech
requirement from me?
198
00:06:50,921 --> 00:06:51,723
I did.
199
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:52,926
When I took over your desk,
200
00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:54,863
I started intercepting
your emails.
201
00:06:54,896 --> 00:06:57,368
Oh, your dentist says
happy birthday, by the way.
202
00:06:57,401 --> 00:06:59,873
I lost a molar because I didn't
get that appointment reminder.
203
00:06:59,907 --> 00:07:01,676
I don't think you're
gonna be smiling anyway,
204
00:07:01,709 --> 00:07:03,881
sputtering improvised
sentence fragments in front of
205
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:06,486
a full room of your very
judgmental peers.
206
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,489
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a fitting,
207
00:07:08,489 --> 00:07:10,928
because you just ruined
my rehearsal. We're done.
208
00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:12,965
[Daisy] The two-three
is comin' for you.
209
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,168
Are you afraid?
210
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,604
Because you should be.
211
00:07:15,938 --> 00:07:17,474
No, I'm not afraid.
212
00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:19,044
[Frank] Just... hey! Stop it.
213
00:07:19,077 --> 00:07:20,046
Stop!
214
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,683
-Stop!
-[Daisy cackles]
215
00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:26,693
♪
216
00:07:27,193 --> 00:07:28,195
[knock at door]
217
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:32,638
-Hi.
-Oh!
218
00:07:32,839 --> 00:07:35,812
If it isn't the almost
arsonist of Bellingham.
219
00:07:36,145 --> 00:07:38,483
Oh, I can't talk right now.
220
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:40,153
I'm writing the speech.
221
00:07:40,186 --> 00:07:41,021
I just hit a flow state.
222
00:07:41,255 --> 00:07:43,861
Ooh, let's see what's
flowed out of you so far.
223
00:07:43,894 --> 00:07:45,831
Well, the faucet's not
fully cranked.
224
00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:47,969
What does job mean to Frank?
225
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:50,073
Templeton really
screwed you over.
226
00:07:50,073 --> 00:07:52,077
You might as well do your go-to
and rip your shirt off,
227
00:07:52,111 --> 00:07:54,147
'cause you're not gonna
win people over with this.
228
00:07:54,147 --> 00:07:56,554
I just started.
An hour ago.
229
00:07:56,587 --> 00:07:57,454
I'll tell you what.
230
00:07:57,689 --> 00:08:00,326
I'll help you with your speech.
You let me crash here.
231
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,032
So, your alley cat in heat
strategy didn't work on anyone?
232
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,103
You know what? I think
I've underestimated
233
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,606
the emotional trauma
234
00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:08,711
escaping a burning building
leaves on people.
235
00:08:08,711 --> 00:08:10,514
And I bought these
to sweeten the deal.
236
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:12,718
Screw tops.
Way to go.
237
00:08:14,055 --> 00:08:15,056
Hey.
238
00:08:17,595 --> 00:08:18,964
Thanks for meeting me here.
239
00:08:18,964 --> 00:08:21,637
I know it's not
the honeymoon suite,
240
00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:23,807
but, you know,
it's ours.
241
00:08:25,911 --> 00:08:26,746
Okay...
242
00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:29,952
Why are you kissing me
like I'm your grandmother?
243
00:08:30,587 --> 00:08:31,790
Okay, I know...
244
00:08:31,823 --> 00:08:33,560
this whole thing is hard.
245
00:08:33,593 --> 00:08:34,529
Yeah. It is.
246
00:08:34,796 --> 00:08:37,167
You won't come to my room,
but we have to meet in, like,
247
00:08:37,201 --> 00:08:38,971
the coldest place in the hotel.
248
00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:40,741
You know I hate it, too,
but there's nothing
249
00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:41,877
we can really do about it, so...
250
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:42,912
Yeah, but there is, though.
251
00:08:42,946 --> 00:08:45,551
You said we could
tell people two months ago,
252
00:08:45,584 --> 00:08:46,285
and it's been four months.
253
00:08:46,519 --> 00:08:48,123
Okay, well, the two month
thing was just
254
00:08:48,156 --> 00:08:48,991
kind of like an estimate.
255
00:08:49,025 --> 00:08:50,961
It's just starting
to feel like...
256
00:08:50,995 --> 00:08:53,199
maybe you don't
want people to know because
257
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,268
I'm not worth the risk.
258
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,070
-Like...
-What?
259
00:08:55,303 --> 00:08:57,006
That you don't think
this can actually work.
260
00:08:58,310 --> 00:08:59,278
Ugh.
261
00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:01,616
This is hopeless. [stammers]
262
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:02,719
No, you just...
263
00:09:02,719 --> 00:09:05,023
you have to hook
people emotionally.
264
00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:06,760
Like, that's the only way
to win them over,
265
00:09:06,794 --> 00:09:08,597
because people are stupid
and they're ruled
266
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:09,398
by their dumb hearts.
267
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,037
I've spent a lifetime
bottling up my feelings.
268
00:09:12,071 --> 00:09:13,907
You want me to spill it
to these pleebs?
269
00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:16,112
Yes! Give me a good sob story.
270
00:09:16,445 --> 00:09:19,184
Ugh, this is so beneath me.
271
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,128
I had an awful dog named Buddy.
272
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:25,765
Okay, not a great start.
273
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,233
Here's the sad part.
274
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,335
My mom got sick.
275
00:09:28,369 --> 00:09:29,271
G-great.
276
00:09:29,539 --> 00:09:31,441
We're getting somewhere.
Okay, let me write this down.
277
00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:36,018
I don't know how, but Buddy
sensed that I needed him,
278
00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:38,990
and he turned into
the sweetest guy.
279
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,665
And on the morning my mom died,
280
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,669
Buddy wouldn't leave my side.
281
00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:45,871
He knew...
282
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:48,008
my pain.
283
00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:51,282
Animals are amazing.
284
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:55,323
Growing up, my bird
always knew when I was high.
285
00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:57,327
Every time.
286
00:09:58,997 --> 00:09:59,866
He was the best.
287
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,003
Sometimes I'm in
the field and I see
288
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,574
a dog that looks like Buddy.
289
00:10:04,108 --> 00:10:08,249
It reminds me of how
great animals are to us,
290
00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:12,023
and I wanna try
my best for them.
291
00:10:12,959 --> 00:10:15,163
Unless the Buddy
lookalike is rabid.
292
00:10:15,196 --> 00:10:17,935
And then, of course,
I keep my distance.
293
00:10:18,837 --> 00:10:20,707
I don't think
I've ever heard you talk
294
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:21,944
like an actual person before.
295
00:10:22,244 --> 00:10:26,986
Please, do not tell anyone
what has transpired here.
296
00:10:28,256 --> 00:10:30,159
I'm gonna tell everyone.
297
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,437
[knock at door]
298
00:10:35,437 --> 00:10:36,607
[Shred] Frank?
299
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,775
Frank, are you poopin'?
300
00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:39,278
I need you, man.
301
00:10:39,311 --> 00:10:40,379
[knocking]
302
00:10:41,382 --> 00:10:42,184
What is it?
303
00:10:42,451 --> 00:10:45,056
Hey, man, me and Emily
had a fight, and I just...
304
00:10:45,090 --> 00:10:45,991
[grunts]
305
00:10:46,025 --> 00:10:47,728
I need a bro
to lean on right now.
306
00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,900
W-wait. What happened?
Is Emily okay?
307
00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:52,203
Uh, she's fine.
I'm distraught.
308
00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:55,042
I'm sorry, do you mind?
I think the boys need the room.
309
00:10:56,178 --> 00:10:57,146
Okay.
310
00:11:01,054 --> 00:11:02,457
I... I will...
311
00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:04,929
text you the speech.
312
00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:08,335
Oh, love.
313
00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:11,776
Emily!
314
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:14,014
Take off your sleep apnea mask
and turn off
315
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:15,349
your rainforest soundscape.
316
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,151
I need to sleep.
317
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:19,291
And... and I, I wanna
make sure you're okay.
318
00:11:19,659 --> 00:11:21,930
Do you mind shuttin'
the hell up?
319
00:11:21,964 --> 00:11:25,103
Uh, yeah, I do mind, actually,
because I have nowhere to go
320
00:11:25,136 --> 00:11:26,706
and nobody wants to have
sex with me,
321
00:11:26,739 --> 00:11:28,075
which never happens, so.
322
00:11:31,115 --> 00:11:32,317
Thank you.
323
00:11:35,356 --> 00:11:37,026
Fine, you can bunk with me.
324
00:11:37,026 --> 00:11:38,296
But I am a very active sleeper,
325
00:11:38,296 --> 00:11:40,968
so don't crowd me
or you might get punched.
326
00:11:41,102 --> 00:11:43,072
♪
327
00:11:50,854 --> 00:11:52,958
[knocking at door]
328
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,135
Daddy!
329
00:11:58,202 --> 00:11:58,970
Hi!
330
00:11:59,371 --> 00:12:00,373
Are you okay?
331
00:12:00,507 --> 00:12:01,977
-[kids laughing]
-[Patel] Hey.
332
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:04,280
Uh... what are you guys
doing here?
333
00:12:04,648 --> 00:12:05,951
[Patel voicemail]
Hi, kids.
334
00:12:05,984 --> 00:12:07,187
I miss you so much.
335
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,858
Oh, my God, you would
love this place.
336
00:12:08,891 --> 00:12:09,793
You have to come.
337
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,829
I mean, I'm telling you,
the only thing that's good
338
00:12:11,863 --> 00:12:13,332
about my life is my family.
339
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,069
Guys, Daddy, uh...
340
00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:16,438
had a lot to drink last night.
341
00:12:16,472 --> 00:12:17,942
Can we just shh!
342
00:12:18,142 --> 00:12:19,980
[Wayne] Thank you,
Raquel St. James
343
00:12:20,013 --> 00:12:20,715
and Lieutenant Peaches.
344
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:23,052
Uh, I'd also like to ask
everyone else,
345
00:12:23,052 --> 00:12:25,056
please act respectfully
to the nominees.
346
00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:27,193
It takes a lot of courage
to get up here.
347
00:12:27,226 --> 00:12:28,797
[all] Moose!
348
00:12:28,797 --> 00:12:29,966
Stop saying moose!
349
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,302
It sounds like you're booing.
350
00:12:31,736 --> 00:12:33,974
Let's keep this ACOOTY train
moving, huh?
351
00:12:34,007 --> 00:12:36,446
With our next nominee,
Templeton Dudge,
352
00:12:36,446 --> 00:12:37,414
who has asked me to
353
00:12:37,682 --> 00:12:42,090
issue a strobe light warning
to pregnant women and the weak.
354
00:12:43,326 --> 00:12:45,764
Pay attention.
You might learn something.
355
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:47,133
[cheers and applause]
356
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,335
Cue the fog.
357
00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:51,008
[rock music plays]
358
00:12:53,045 --> 00:12:56,385
♪ I never meant to be
so bad to you ♪
359
00:12:56,418 --> 00:12:57,421
Daisy.
360
00:12:57,454 --> 00:12:59,291
Cut the fog. [sighs]
361
00:12:59,892 --> 00:13:01,596
I had a feast
for the eyes planned,
362
00:13:01,596 --> 00:13:03,867
but tonight's about
the animals.
363
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,303
So I'm gonna speak
from the heart.
364
00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:09,344
Growing up, I had
an awful dog named Buddy.
365
00:13:09,377 --> 00:13:11,783
Then my mom got sick.
366
00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:12,618
No.
367
00:13:12,652 --> 00:13:14,187
Cue the strings.
368
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,193
What the hell is happening?
369
00:13:17,226 --> 00:13:17,961
I do--
370
00:13:18,162 --> 00:13:20,967
And it's like he knew
that I needed him.
371
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,540
He turned into the sweetest guy.
372
00:13:24,509 --> 00:13:26,478
And when my mom died, he...
373
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,150
He never left my side
that day.
374
00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:31,589
First he steals my bear rescue,
then he steals my desk,
375
00:13:31,589 --> 00:13:33,092
and now he steals my dead mom?
376
00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:36,198
Sometimes when I'm in the field
and I see a dog that looks
377
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,604
like Buddy, I'm reminded
of all the great things
378
00:13:38,604 --> 00:13:40,073
that animals do for us.
379
00:13:40,106 --> 00:13:42,477
So, I try to
do my best for them.
380
00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:45,885
Thank you.
381
00:13:45,918 --> 00:13:48,055
[cheers and applause]
382
00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:52,831
That's my slop!
He-he fed you my slop!
383
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,134
Wha-- how did he get my slop?
384
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,573
Daisy must've stolen it
off my phone.
385
00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:57,307
I sure did.
386
00:13:57,542 --> 00:14:00,515
I put that sleeping mug
up to the face ID.
387
00:14:00,515 --> 00:14:01,883
Two-three fo' life!
388
00:14:01,916 --> 00:14:03,352
[laughing]
389
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,454
Oh! Oh!
390
00:14:04,487 --> 00:14:05,825
Let's bring up our, uh.
391
00:14:05,858 --> 00:14:08,062
final nominee, Frank Shaw.
392
00:14:08,462 --> 00:14:09,297
Yeah!
393
00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:11,468
How am I supposed to
follow that? That was great.
394
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:12,538
It's like following myself.
395
00:14:12,572 --> 00:14:13,606
[weakly] Whoo!
396
00:14:15,577 --> 00:14:17,146
Yeah!
397
00:14:32,645 --> 00:14:34,447
-[Frank farts]
-[crowd gasps]
398
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,419
[Victoria] Oh, God.
399
00:14:36,419 --> 00:14:37,421
[mic feedback rings]
400
00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:41,461
This is like watching an old man
get confused at the post office.
401
00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:42,096
We're screwed.
402
00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:43,934
Seriously, just give me
the award.
403
00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:45,070
He's got nothing.
404
00:14:45,103 --> 00:14:47,140
[mic feedback rings]
405
00:14:49,411 --> 00:14:51,315
-Oh... no.
-Frank, this is not the time.
406
00:14:51,315 --> 00:14:52,117
Frank!
407
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,987
Oh, no. No, no, not that.
408
00:14:53,987 --> 00:14:55,958
I was joking when I said
take off your shirt.
409
00:14:55,991 --> 00:14:58,295
-Oh, god, I can't watch.
-Is he getting naked?
410
00:14:58,328 --> 00:14:59,297
[Emily] No!
411
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:00,432
Oh, there it is.
412
00:15:05,009 --> 00:15:06,979
This guy's jacked!
413
00:15:07,013 --> 00:15:08,315
[women cheer]
414
00:15:08,382 --> 00:15:10,721
♪ Pump up the jam,
pump it up ♪
415
00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:11,989
♪ While your feet are stompin'
416
00:15:12,023 --> 00:15:13,727
[crowd cheering]
417
00:15:13,727 --> 00:15:14,728
[Daisy] I mean...
418
00:15:14,762 --> 00:15:16,165
he do look good.
419
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,269
♪ Pump it up a little more
420
00:15:18,269 --> 00:15:20,306
♪ Get the party goin'
on the dance floor ♪
421
00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:21,709
♪ See, 'cause that's where...
422
00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:26,184
And the Animal Control
Officer of the Year is...
423
00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:31,228
Frank Shaw.
424
00:15:31,262 --> 00:15:32,564
-Yes!
-[crowd cheers]
425
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:37,240
Frank, you did it!
426
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:43,553
Once again, the hedonistic
spirit of Bellingham has spoken.
427
00:15:44,989 --> 00:15:46,391
Officer Shaw.
428
00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:48,195
Yeah.
429
00:15:49,732 --> 00:15:52,070
Thank you, Pacific Northwest!
430
00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:54,340
♪ Pump up the jam, pump it up
431
00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:55,309
♪ Pump it up
432
00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:57,146
Table 12, a few more bounces?
433
00:15:58,516 --> 00:15:59,519
[cheers]
434
00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:02,156
♪ Pump up the jam,
pump it up ♪
435
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,435
♪
436
00:16:11,609 --> 00:16:13,112
-Hi.
-Hi.
437
00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:15,283
So, I didn't hear my name
in your acceptance speech,
438
00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:18,055
which is crazy, because
I'm basically why you won.
439
00:16:18,055 --> 00:16:20,493
My dedication to protein
is why I won.
440
00:16:20,493 --> 00:16:21,462
But... thank you.
441
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:24,602
I think I saw the Portland team
walking each other on leashes.
442
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:26,806
Well, that tracks
with people from Oregon.
443
00:16:26,806 --> 00:16:28,576
This thing
gets messier every year.
444
00:16:29,377 --> 00:16:30,245
Yeah.
445
00:16:30,513 --> 00:16:34,220
Things happen here that maybe...
wouldn't happen at home.
446
00:16:36,491 --> 00:16:38,362
Did you find a place
to crash tonight?
447
00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:40,600
Uh, table 12 gave me
some molly, so...
448
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:45,175
I think I'm just gonna dance
until our pick up time tomorrow.
449
00:16:47,614 --> 00:16:51,522
♪...You were there tonight,
tonight ♪
450
00:16:53,459 --> 00:16:54,662
Hey.
451
00:16:54,662 --> 00:16:56,365
-You got my text.
-Yeah.
452
00:16:56,398 --> 00:16:58,570
I was worried
you weren't gonna come.
453
00:16:59,104 --> 00:17:01,208
Hotel rooms are
off-limits, but...
454
00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:03,378
tiny little photo booths
are okay?
455
00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:06,118
I'm sorry. That was--
456
00:17:06,118 --> 00:17:07,722
I didn't mean that.
That sounded bad.
457
00:17:07,755 --> 00:17:09,190
No, no, no, I've...
458
00:17:09,223 --> 00:17:11,696
I've been thinking a lot
about what you said, and...
459
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,367
I'm really sorry.
460
00:17:14,969 --> 00:17:17,073
'Cause the truth is,
you are just...
461
00:17:17,073 --> 00:17:19,410
in every way, completely...
462
00:17:20,815 --> 00:17:22,518
Definitely worth the risk.
463
00:17:23,386 --> 00:17:26,091
So, I'm gonna call my boss
first thing on Monday.
464
00:17:26,158 --> 00:17:27,628
Wait, really?
465
00:17:27,662 --> 00:17:28,696
Yeah, 'cause I--
466
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,604
Well, I love you, and...
467
00:17:33,674 --> 00:17:35,577
I just wanna be with you.
468
00:17:36,512 --> 00:17:37,581
I love you, too.
469
00:17:38,081 --> 00:17:39,685
You sure you wanna do this?
470
00:17:39,718 --> 00:17:40,587
Yeah.
471
00:17:41,555 --> 00:17:43,593
[camera clicks]
472
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,237
Okay, okay, let's just stagger
our entrances to be safe.
473
00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:51,308
'Cause we're so close,
so let's not mess up now.
474
00:17:51,342 --> 00:17:52,645
-Home stretch.
-Okay.
475
00:17:52,678 --> 00:17:53,847
-Monday.
-Mm-hmm.
476
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,416
-Ooh!
-Okay.
477
00:17:58,255 --> 00:18:00,459
That'll be good
for my passport photo.
478
00:18:01,562 --> 00:18:02,397
Pardon me, folks.
479
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,702
Good to see you.
Good to see you, Jim.
480
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:08,643
[Erin] Look at that!
481
00:18:08,643 --> 00:18:10,412
[crowd gasps]
482
00:18:14,889 --> 00:18:16,559
This is bad.
483
00:18:17,194 --> 00:18:18,596
This is really bad.
484
00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:22,403
I heard they're serving
sherbert in a few minutes.
485
00:18:24,374 --> 00:18:25,343
Hey.
486
00:18:25,376 --> 00:18:27,447
Something bad happened.
487
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,415
What?
488
00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:31,288
Oh, my God.
489
00:18:31,722 --> 00:18:34,160
How fast can we turn
that into a poster?
490
00:18:34,193 --> 00:18:36,431
Business center's open 24/7.
491
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:38,670
Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank!
492
00:18:39,437 --> 00:18:42,343
Kids are finally asleep.
Who's ready to party?
493
00:18:43,412 --> 00:18:44,480
What?
494
00:18:45,818 --> 00:18:46,853
[Emily] Oh, my God.
495
00:18:46,886 --> 00:18:48,122
Oh, God. It's Wayne.
496
00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:48,924
I'm getting fired.
497
00:18:48,957 --> 00:18:50,193
Oh, my God. This is it.
498
00:18:50,226 --> 00:18:51,562
I have to do something.
499
00:18:52,463 --> 00:18:54,602
Don't worry,
I'm gonna save you.
500
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:55,770
Oh my God!
501
00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,343
You are-- fire!
502
00:18:59,343 --> 00:19:00,581
Come on, this way!
This way!
503
00:19:00,614 --> 00:19:02,450
The exit's this way!
Follow me!
504
00:19:02,484 --> 00:19:04,287
Thank God I knew where this was.
505
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,790
-It's okay.
-What's happening?
506
00:19:06,191 --> 00:19:08,596
[fire alarm wailing]
507
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,535
Fire save.
508
00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:18,415
[sighs]
509
00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:22,224
-Feels right.
-[Victoria] Mm-hmm.
510
00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:24,662
Hey. Congrats again, Frank.
511
00:19:24,662 --> 00:19:26,432
And I don't say it
enough, but...
512
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,634
you're my hero, man.
513
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,505
-You say it all the time.
-Right.
514
00:19:29,538 --> 00:19:32,578
Now, ditch that wobbly hall
table and reclaim your desk.
515
00:19:32,578 --> 00:19:33,747
Really?
516
00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:38,189
In fact, all shall return
to their proper desks
517
00:19:38,222 --> 00:19:39,925
now that
I've vanquished the pale,
518
00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:42,196
muscularly atrophied beast.
519
00:19:42,229 --> 00:19:44,769
Normalcy is returned.
520
00:19:44,802 --> 00:19:46,338
-Yeah!
-Thank God!
521
00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:48,609
The napping was no good
under this desk.
522
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:53,018
Hey, um, can I have
everyone's attention?
523
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:53,953
I have a little...
524
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,458
announcement, um...
525
00:19:57,127 --> 00:19:59,999
Due to my relations
with Shred, um...
526
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:04,274
Yeah, I've been suspended, um,
pending an investigation.
527
00:20:04,341 --> 00:20:05,777
-What?
-But I consented!
528
00:20:05,811 --> 00:20:08,282
-It's okay.
-I consented to the whole thing!
529
00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:09,718
Yeah, um, this means
there will be, uh,
530
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:13,492
an interim supervisor filling
my position until, um...
531
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,429
yeah, further notice.
532
00:20:15,429 --> 00:20:17,701
-Who's taking over?
-Uh, yeah, it's, um...
533
00:20:17,735 --> 00:20:18,769
[bagpipes playing]
534
00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:19,805
[Emily] It's...
535
00:20:28,756 --> 00:20:30,426
[bagpipes wheeze]
536
00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:33,065
I guess I did die
in that dachshund parade.
537
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,401
I'm in hell.
538
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,537
I'm still your god.
539
00:20:35,604 --> 00:20:36,906
Well, you'd be the devil.
540
00:20:36,939 --> 00:20:38,408
Well, I'd be your boss.
541
00:20:40,046 --> 00:20:41,549
The boss.
542
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:49,599
Morning meetings won't be
the same without you.
543
00:20:49,599 --> 00:20:51,636
He's already threatening
to ban meeting snacks.
544
00:20:51,636 --> 00:20:53,840
Come on.
It's not goodbye, guys.
545
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,343
It's see ya later.
546
00:20:55,343 --> 00:20:56,712
Pending a thorough
investigation,
547
00:20:56,745 --> 00:20:59,451
an ethics board review and
reinstatement confirmation
548
00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:00,653
from the mayor's office.
549
00:21:00,687 --> 00:21:02,558
I just hope they don't
subpoena our texts.
550
00:21:02,591 --> 00:21:05,028
I sent you that Jessica Rabbit
GIF on your birthday.
551
00:21:05,062 --> 00:21:06,732
-I mean...
-You're gonna be fine.
552
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,570
And in the meantime,
we'll make Templeton's life
553
00:21:08,603 --> 00:21:09,738
as hellish as possible.
554
00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:12,076
I've already started.
555
00:21:12,109 --> 00:21:14,413
Daisy! Grab me a tire jack.
556
00:21:14,915 --> 00:21:16,619
Got a flat. Again.
557
00:21:16,619 --> 00:21:18,789
Wait, is this what it's like
to not be the boss?
558
00:21:18,823 --> 00:21:19,959
I kinda like it.
559
00:21:19,992 --> 00:21:21,060
Can I throw something?
560
00:21:21,494 --> 00:21:23,533
I'd be disappointed
if you didn't.
561
00:21:24,835 --> 00:21:25,837
Okay.
562
00:21:27,674 --> 00:21:29,477
[car alarm beeps]
-Oh, no!
563
00:21:30,947 --> 00:21:32,885
I've never respected you more.
564
00:21:32,918 --> 00:21:33,987
-Run!
-Ahh!
565
00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:34,955
What?
566
00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:40,667
♪
39703
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