Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language

Love seeing you at work, it's just...

And...

What do you think?

Oh, my God, I love it.

INTERVIEWER: So, are you seeing Grindah right now?

then it might go back to Grindah taking me for granted.

Oh, man, I can't get over it.

I'm like a different person. Aah, yeah.

Yeah, we're taking it at medium speed.

Cool. See you later then.

All right, then, so, see ya. All right, bye.

Bye.

Thanks for doing my hair. Yeah, all right, then, I'll text you.

I mean, you text me, I'll see you later, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. We'll do some texting or whatever.

Cool. All right, then. See ya. Yeah, OK, bye.

See ya. All right.

You two seem to be getting along well.

Yeah. Very cosy.

Do you reckon you'll get back together?

I don't know, we're just sort of seeing how it goes.

Kold FM! This is the warning. Yeah!

# Get out the way Kold FM sceptic, got... #

Who are they? # Get out the way

# Kold FM pussy, yo Get out the way

# Kold FM pussy, yo Get out the way

# Kold FM pussy, yo Get out the way! #

As a response to the Kold FM boys writing "snitches get stitches"

on our station, we're going to send Steve down there to give

a bit of a message of our own, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Exactly.

Grindah told him to write, "We didn't snitch," on a wall

near their studio, innit? Yes.

Exactly. No-one messes with Kurupt FM.

No-one.

Wait, you want me to write, "No-one messes with Kurupt FM"?

No, "We didn't snitch." So they know the man ain't a snitcher.

Sorry, yeah, no, cos you said... Oh, yeah...

Where's Steve anyway, man? He's taking time.

Hold tight, Steve on a secret mission and that, yeah?

Yes. Top secret.

I'm going to write in all capitals as well, so it's aggressive.

Yeah, I'm saying caps lock. We didn't snitch!

And I love this CD. Man like!

Boys. Easy, took your fucking time.

What? What's that? Fuck! Stole their dog.

What d'ya mean? They left it tied up outside and I stole it.

Why the fuck did you steal their dog?

Send a message, like you said. What fucking message?

Don't fuck with Kurupt FM, or we'll steal your dog.

Steve, you put us in a hostage situation, great!

Well, what should I do?

Treat it like a hostage. What, like, blindfold it?

No, not blindfold it.

It's too late now, it's seen everything anyway.

I don't want to have a hostage at radio cos, like, you're

already in a high-risk environment, do you know what I mean?

Oh, my God, he's attacking him. Jesus Christ.

Steve, Steve, put him away. Steve, put him away!

So we don't want to be putting more risk with, like,

a dangerous dog barking all the time, do you know what I'm saying?

Are you scared of dogs? I'm not scared of dogs,

I'm just like, not stupid, do you know what I mean, like?

Stop riling... Beats, stop riling him up.

He's well safe. Look at that.

Steve, look at me. Stop riling him up.

Does your T-shirt fit you OK?

Oh, sorry, yes, thanks, Sam.

OK, so we'll just start off pretty easy, just show you the ropes.

Oh, don't worry about that, mate, don't start me off easy.

Throw me right into the deep end, mate. No foreplay, you know?

Just get me straight on the floor.

No, you won't be doing any sales this week.

Oh, why?

That comes later, once you've done your training.

Yeah, why don't we just have a little walk around the store,

show you where things are?

So, here we got the home audio. Home audio.

Normally I'll be on the Hounslow Market street,

selling my shit, you know what I mean? Know me, I'm entrepreneur.

Like, you know, every entrepreneur has low moments now and again.

So, sometimes you gotta do some shit like this.

But this is just temporary, mate, this is not permanent.

So we've got our premium TVs here, here's the big boy.

Ha-ha, the girthy. The curved. Curved...

Yeah, I'm a bit curved as well, to the right. Cool.

So, here's where we keep all our stock.

Yeah... Right, so, I'm just going to be in here, then?

Hopefully I haven't missed Angel's performance.

Want to get a little video of it for our YouTube channel.

Hiya!

Has Angel had hers yet?

Yeah, no, not yet. Oh, OK, perfect. I want her to pop into

hair and make-up with me quickly, actually, yeah.

Oh, we are actually in the middle of something at the moment.

Is she auditioning for the same part?

Yes, she is. I don't think she's right. OK.

Well, yeah.

If you want to take a seat, Angel's next.

Oh, Angel.

SHE CLAPS

Team talk, come on.

So, I'm Angel's mumager now, which basically means I'm her manager,

but I'm also still her mum as well.

Nervous? Why? But you're the best one here, you know that.

My hopes and dreams with Angel are that she becomes really successful,

makes loads of money and we can just live in LA in a big mansion

and just sort of watch her rise to fame.

Hey, how you doing? Just came to check up on you.

Yeah, good, man, just got the old technique down. Nice.

That and that, it just goes straight on, quite easy.

Oh, no, sorry, you've got the wrong price.

That needs to be £3.99.

Oh. Well, I mean it's just...

Have you done that with all of them? Yeah.

Sorry, you've got to do them all again, Charlie.

I don't know if you know this, yeah, but all foreign people,

we all have a British white name.

I mean, obviously, you're the manager, all due respect, Sammy.

Oh, Jussam. You're Armenian?

No, just Sam.

Just Sam, just Sam.

It's just my name.

Right, boys, time to put an end to Kold FM once and for all.

Yeah, hello, Kold FM?

DEEP VOICE: Listen up and listen up very carefully.

If you ever want to see your dog ever again,

then meet us at the Rose Italia at sunrise.

And when you get there.... That's about 5am.

Actually, meet at the Rose Italia at sunset.

Tonight, otherwise we'll have to look after your dog

for way too long.

So, be there. The Rose Italia, sunset.

And...

DEEP VOICE: Let's say 6pm to be on the safe side,

otherwise it might not be clear what time sunset is.

The Rose Italia, 6pm.

Looks like we're having an old-fashioned sit down, boys.

Standard.

Stevie, book us a table at the Rose Italia.

Keeps staring at me.

Sniff, come on.

I've called him Sniff because he sniffs everything.

We're quite similar in that way.

I've had to hide a lot of the wraps and everything

that I had in the station, cos he probably doesn't have

my sort of tolerance when it comes to drugs.

Right. You going to be good, yeah?

You're going to wait here for a second,

I'm just going to make a little cheeky phone call.

OK, Angel, do you know which song you're singing?

Do you know which song you're doing?

Yes. OK, tell them.

Amazing Grace.

Perfect, brilliant. Well, thank you very much, Angel.

Remember everything we've practised and take it away.

PIANO PLAYS INTRO

# Amazing grace How sweet the sound... #

Sorry, can we not have the piano, please? It's just, it's not...

It's horrible, yeah. No...

She loves a capella anyway, so that's fine.

Oh, no, no, the piano's fine.

We're used to the backing track, which is a bit more professional.

It's fine, isn't it? You can do a capella?

Why don't we try one without,

then we can always go back again for the third go?

Um...we do actually have other kids....

They love it, don't they? They're really enjoying it.

OK, one more time. Just go for it, go for it a capella.

# Amazing grace, how sweet... #

INTERVIEWER: Is it important that Angel's famous?

Yeah. Angel has to be famous,

cos I'm not really sure what else she could do,

cos she's sort of quite average at school.

And. you know, I really... I want her to be famous for her

and for us as well.

So, yeah, it's for the family, really. And for me.

Amazing.

Really good, yeah. OK.

And then, for our next trick, a little bit of street dance,

just to give you all a little flavour of what else she can do.

If you've got any big stadium stuff coming up. Well...

MUSIC PLAYS ON MOBILE PHONE

Sammy might not know this, yeah, but I was actually born on a shop floor.

I should be out there and he's got me in a bloody cupboard, mate.

I'm a selling machine. Not everyone is.

It is kill or be killed out there, mate, it's ruthless.

You know what I mean? It's survival of the fittest.

Me, I compare myself to an alpha male lion.

And you have to look for the weakest prey, the vulnerable.

Imagine a little injured gazelle

with her little...little shit leg, just dangling.

"Oh, I can't run, I can't run."

It's the jungle, mate.

Too bad, mate. You know what I mean?

You're my dinner now, mate.

Hi there, mate. My name's Charlie. I'm the sales rep, if you need any help, let me know, yeah?

I can help you with any kind of specification.

I'd quite like to buy this laptop. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Just wanted to give you a little FYI.

The lighting on the stage is quite unflattering,

Angel, we will see you tomorrow. Just give you Angel's business card.

Yeah, OK.

And we look forward to hearing from you.

OK, great. Thanks. We will let you know.

That's great - if you just want to make your way out through there.

Bye, guys, great to meet you, thanks so much for your time.

Right, Ange, lot of practice to do, haven't you, if you want to make it?

Come on, let's go.

Ah... Yeah, there's, like, six of us

and then I don't know how many of them,

we're having a sort of sit-down with a rival station.

So, basically... Why are you...?

There's a dog involved... Don't tell them everything, Jesus.

All right, mate? Sorry about that.

Yeah, no, we're going to need a table for around 12 at 6 o'clock.

And a dog. Yeah, nothing weird, just two...two spag bol and that.

Nice one, Beppe.

Beats, Beats - why did you say 12?

How many do you reckon there's going to be of them?

Good to have extra chairs, innit?

No, cos you lot are all going to be standing

while I sit there, you know, arms folded and that,

like, sort of power play sort of shit.

Well, I ain't going to stand if there's 12 chairs.

I'll stand. OK, well, let's decide what we're doing now,

cos this is a dangerous game we're playing here, yeah?

This is life or death.

Life.

What?

It's not a question, Steve, it's just a saying.

We just need to sort this shit out.

No-one's getting stabbed, Beats,

and no-one's wearing a stab-proof vest.

I'm going to go home after this and see them one last time,

so pick it up for you.

What do you mean, "one last time"? Stop putting shit in my...

Tell him it's... Well, I don't know what the bros are like.

Oh, gr...! You're meant to be the rational one, Decoy.

Decoy, tell me I'm not getting stabbed.

You'll be all right, hopefully.

Hopefully?! What?

Boys, I'm going to go.

All right. Before we meet, yeah?

Yeah, I'm just...I need to chat to you outside. All right.

I'm not scared of Kold FM.

Why do you keep saying I'm scared of Kold FM?

Don't constantly put that in there and say that, yeah?

Cos man ain't scared of, like, Kold FM at all, like.

Oh, you lot keep back here, you're bating me out.

I'm just trying to sort it out, right, that's all I'm trying to do.

I'm just a man at it, that's all I am,

do you know what I mean?

The man is definitely not scared.

# Now I see. #

Right. OK...

That's a good start.

Do you want me to give you any notes

or do you want to do it on the next one?

I want some notes. OK.

I think, generally, the big issue is that your singing isn't very good.

I think that's the one thing that we really need to work on here.

Otherwise, we're not going to get anywhere with this career, are we?

Sorry?

No - exactly, so...

Do you want to just do it again, then?

Yeah. OK, and in your head, you just need to think,

"Oh, I'm a really good singer" as you sing.

Although I haven't had fame myself,

I could have done if I'd had me when I was younger,

pushing me in the way I push Angel, if you see what I mean.

If she would just believe what I'm telling her,

then she'd be able to do it.

How can you make that better?

OFF-CAMERA: Do you wish your mum had pushed you into fame?

Yeah - I think if my mum wasn't so bothered about, sort of,

marrying everyone and actually spent a bit more time pushing me

to do some singing or ballet or whatever, then yeah,

I could be on the stage right now.

KNOCKING

Right, that's not great timing, but just keep practising.

Hi, you all right? I need to talk to Angel. OK.

Angel? Yeah?

Roche? Yeah?

Do you know where, um... the stab-proof vest is?

Why?

I just want to show it to Grindah.

It's in one of them boxes on top of the wardrobe.

Cool.

Don't forget you're looking after Robin tonight.

What? Isn't Craig about? No, he's out with his girlfriend.

Didn't they realise that he was on the top bunk?

No.

Apparently condensation was dripping off the ceiling.

Oh, God.

Yeah. Tried to sleep through it, but he couldn't.

Ended up going out with him for a fag after Craig has finished up.

Lovely...

Cool, where is it? Upstairs?

Yeah, upstairs, on top of the wardrobe.

Nice one. Maybe you empty out the boxes while you're at it.

OFF-CAMERA: Where did the stab-proof vest come from?

Stab-proof vest came from when I used to do nightclubs

but I had to stop.

Cos of the baby?

Nah, nah, I got done for GBH a few years back

and banned from all late-night venues across the UK.

He should have remembered his fucking ID.

He should be banned, not me.

It's official.

No-one's getting stabbed.

Take a seat.

All right. Got something important to tell you.

I've never shown you this before, but this is Daddy's gold microphone.

And I want you to look after it. Be careful. Hold it.

And if anything happens to me today, I want you to always remember

that Daddy stood up for what he believes in.

MCing?

Sort of - more pirate radio.

But the point is your daddy is a soldier.

OK? OK. Yeah.

Why are you giving her your mic?

The truth of it is that Angel might have to take over

where Daddy left off, innit?

What? What do you mean?

these last few hours...and I need to tell you something

before it's too late. OK.

I want us to get back together.

Cos I actually do love you and that and it's just stupid, innit?

You've never said that before.

Well, yes, I have, I probably have.

No, whenever I say it, you just say, "Good."

That's still a positive.

When your life's at risk, it makes you think differently,

like, especially if you're involved in the street shit that I'm into, do you know what I mean?

Like, where we're from, every day, you gotta stare death in the face

and tell him to fuck off.

Look, if I make it back,

then...maybe let's get married, then, like...

Do you know what?

Miche, will you marry me?

I...I don't know, you know, it's quite...

I think I need a bit of time to think about it. Sure.

Cos this has been quite a mental day, you know,

with Angel's audition and everything.

She wasn't really on top form, so I just need a bit of time.

You are so right - what am I talking...?

Of course it's a tough decision.

I'm just about to go off and serve in a radio war.

You're right. OK.

Just don't forget me, yeah? And look after each other.

Yes.

What? Yeah?

Course I want to marry you.

Sick! But, yeah - I mean,

I ain't got no rings or anything cos I just thought of it there.

Doesn't matter, I still got the one from before, so I'll wear that now.

All right, sweet! Good luck in your radio thingy.

Yeah. Cool, man. In a bit.

All right. Sweet. See you boys in a bit, yeah?

Bye. YES!

More like an investment,

cos you're always going to need a printer, aren't you?

That's right...

It won't ever go away.

There's the kind of the premium range...

Psst! Psst!

Oi, you all right?

I can do you a...I can do you a really good price on that,

if you want.

just like myself.

So I'll tell you what...

I'll throw in a bit of something extra, yeah?

Just give me... Wait, wait there. OK.

I'll give you these headphones for free, if you buy it now.

What? Sorry, sorry... Yeah, I'll throw them in for free.

What? OK - Charlie, you know you're not supposed to be making sales.

No, I know, but... Yeah, but we shook, we...

OK. No, I've shaken her hand, I can't unshake it.

Can you just...? Sorry. Thanks.

Is there any way I can help you at all?

Uh...no, no, you're all right, thanks.

That was unacceptable, OK?

I had it in the bag, man.

No, you didn't. I told you, you are not a salesman.

Just, you know, go back to the stock room

and do what I told you to do.

I don't know what he's laughing about.

Why's he allowed on the shop floor?

Mark.

That is your real name?

OK, I think you should, you know, get back to work,

forget all about this.

His name's Malik, I saw his passport the other day.

It's not. No.

He's got a fake bloody ID, you got him on the shop floor.

So get Charlie on the shop floor, mate.

OK, chin up, get on with it.

On to you, Malik.

Here's your lasagne, sir.

Is it all right to sit down just till they get here, or..?

No, Steve. No, it's quite...

Going down a bit weird. Nervous. Quite an intensive situation.

I'm not nervous. I'm...just excited about it all.

It's about to go sick.

When I'm nervous, I get these weird little cat shits.

How is it, is it all right?

Does it, like, feel weird and all that?

Does what feel weird?

Well, the vest, innit?

I'm not wearing a vest, Decoy.

Ah, shit. What? They're here.

Just shut up, shut up, stop freaking me out.

Everyone straighten your backs, look raw, look hard.

Why are there cameras here?

GRUFFLY: Don't worry about it. Stop, what you doing the voice for?

Don't worry about the cameras, yeah? They're filming us.

We'll blur your faces out.

We're doing a documentary of Kurupt FM,

which will be the baddest station in West London.

Exactly. Where's the dog? Take a seat. Take a seat first.

Expresso.

First of all, we need to talk about your little graffiti project.

Yeah, what about it? Why did you write that on our station?

Cos you called the police on us. We would never do that.

Yeah, we would never EVER do that. Exactly.

Dunno about you boys, yeah, but in our game,

we've gotta think all the code.

No chicks on radio. Pay your subs on time.

Just don't. And no snitching.

We would never let a snitch in our circle.

Yeah, we'd never do that.

You've gotta let that other person know

that they're beneath you at every moment.

GRINDAH CLICKS HIS TONGUE

Even something as little as a handshake can show 'em

that you mean business and you ain't a joke out here.

Cos man ain't a joke, right? Remember that.

Hey, knock, knock. Hey, man, how's it going?

Good, how's it going with you?

You're channelling your inner octopus?

Yeah. Cos after that, I've got a couple more boxes for you to do,

if that's OK?

Oh, OK, yeah. Yeah? OK.

No problem...boss.

You talking to me?

Yeah, yeah, sorry, no, just...no problem at all.

Yeah.

Sam's all right - I mean, listen, he's a bit of a, kind of, a warrior.

You know, he thinks he's got his way with me.

He thinks he can control me. But no-one can control Chabuddy.

I do my own thing when I want to.

I'm the boss of me. You know what I mean?

I don't run by anyone's rules.

I'll do what I want, mate, I'm a free spirit, you know?

Charlie? Yes, yes, boss?

Yeah, your lunch break's over. Yeah, no worries, I'll...

Does anyone else want a coffee or anything while I'm...?

Shh, quiet Steve.

Only I get a coffee, Steves, you know the rules.

Wouldn't mind a tea, actually.

Shut up, no-one's getting a tea, what's the...? Sorry.

Right. This is getting out of hand.

I've got a wife at home that's missing her dog.

Yeah, I'm got family as well, see? Same.

I gave my gold mic away to them today

and said that I'm ready to die tonight.

What? Why would you...?

Why don't you just give me back the dog, yeah?

First of all, you gotta change your frequency. Oh...!

108.6 is just way too close to 108.9.

Change it, or the dog gets it.

All right - 108.3.

107.5.

108.0.

Phew, you drive a tough bargain, my friend.

107.9.

Anything under 108.0 and we've got a deal.

What's wrong with you? I've just said 107.9,

that's underneath what you just said...

OK, then, deal, we've got a deal, deal.

That's a deal - where's the dog? Steves, go and get the dog.

Alive? Just get him. Yeah, alive.

Have you changed her yet? No.

Go and do it. Go.

Fantasy. Yeah?

Can you bring the bag, please?

It's a two-man job.

Ah, Mum! All right? Come here. I got the Prosecco.

Oh, go on, you should guess, Mum, guess it.

You're not going to believe it. What, what, what?

Did Angel get the part? No, better than that.

How? Come on, then, what is it? I ain't got a crystal ball.

Ta-dah!

Ah, that is nice, babe. Where you get that?

Well, Grindah. The wedding's back on.

What? Oh...I thought I set you up with that hairdresser bloke, Matias?

Mum, it doesn't matter. Me and Grindah are meant to be together.

Like, we're a fairy-tale romance. Really? Yeah.

Well, I guess that does make the Matias situation

a little less complicated.

Oh, OK. Get some glasses? Yeah. Yeah.

How's everything going, is it all right?

You can't bring that in here, mate.

Beppe, back off. If you mess this up,

people are going to get hurt.

Should let her sniff. Take care of yourself, yeah?

Just let go. All right, just leave him there, yeah? Just leave him.

Just get off - can you just move?

I'll miss you. Just get off him, bruv.

Come and see me any time.

We all good there? Yeah, all done.

All right. All right. Deal.

Just remember. Kurupt FM, innit? The rest are irrelevant.

Just back out, back out. What?

K is Kurupt FM. Don't... We spell it with a K as well.

Just get out.

Spell it with a K? What's that? It's like a three.

He didn't use the thumb, he just did that.

I saw what he did, but he's not... Just get out. Come out the way.

Come on. Just hurry up. Be quick.

Having a friend like Grindah, it's always a good thing,

cos you always want to have hard men around you, know what I mean?

We did it. We won. We did it!

We're all heavy boys.

And, you know, hanging around with Grindah makes me hard.

Hi - hi, mate. Hey. You all right?

Yeah, you...you left your badge.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, cheers, just... Cool.

I was thinking I want to get it all up on the walls, get a bit of a sense of it all, yeah?

Blinding. Yeah, great.

Are you going to have an 'orse?

A pony. Pony.

Been leaving your van here overnight?

Sorry, I'll move it, I'm just...kind of really busy at the moment, so...

Yeah, listen, if you, you know, need extra cash,

I can sort you out some extra hours.

Shouldn't be a problem.

Is that all right, cos...? Yeah. Yeah.

I killed it, didn't it? This is a music game.

Do you know what I mean? It's a game. Yeah.

Don't play it if you're scared.

Do you know what I'm saying? Cos you'll only lose. Yeah.

OFF-CAMERA: So you never get scared then?

I can't get scared, you know what I mean?

I come through the darkness and man ain't scared of the dark.

Why? Cos I keep the door ajar.

Cheese.

Woohoo! Kurupt FMing it, the rest's irrelevant.

This ain't for Kold FM. This is Kurupt FM.

Oi-oi!

BABY CRIES

Don't, don't shout cos....

Sorry, sorry.