Original subtitles

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Goodbye... He doesn't shake hands.

- Siraghi. - Yes?

- See you soon. - Yes, of course...

Goodbye! I wanted to say goodbye.

CRIMINAL MENTAL HOSPITAL

Help, I'm sick.

- Out. - I don't want to get out.

I left my snack on the nightstand. I'm crazy hungry.

Stop! My heart! I have tachycardia. My heart is bursting.

Let me in!

All right. Stop.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

Here I am.

Are you crazy? You brutes!

It hurts! Such pain!

Freestyle and breaststroke. I'm training.

Goodbye. He doesn't shake hands.

I'll explain later.

- No! - Ah! - Excuse me, I was first...

- Run after them. - Me? - Yes. - Wait. - My God! - Stop!

I was doing the snatching!

Thief! Don't just stand there. I snatched and they snatched me.

I snatched and they...

- Screwed! - Thief!

Take this, you ugly beast.

Coward.

Ah!

Ah! Mamma Mia.

What happened?

Ah! It's the shoes.

Done. This, too.

What a pain. Here we go.

But...

How is this possible?

I get so nervous I want to destroy my feet.

I'll get them wet.

I'll run the tap.

Nice and cool!

Who's there?

My God! Mamma Mia!

Here.

Ouch. Ouch.

I'll do like a ram.

Ah!

Holy shit!

Damn. If they catch me, I'm screwed. Go, go, go...

My vase broke.

The alarm.

Caution.

- No! - Egisto!

Dalmazio! What are you doing here?

Let's go.

Stick with me.

- You don't deserve it, but stick to me. - They must've gone this way .

- Thief! - Stick to me.

Dalmazio, come.

- Stick to me. - I'll stick. - Stick to me. - I'll stick.

- Maybe they're still nearby. - Careful.

The void!

I'm happy to see you, though. Very much.

My old friend.

Cheerful ass face! - Cheerful ass? - You ruined my hit.

- You ruined mine. - You stole from my apartment. - Yours?

When you steal from an apartment, it's yours. When I steal, it's mine.

What's yours is yours. What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine.

It is not logical. - Logic!? I even lost my shoes. Give me yours.

No, when shoes are mine, they are mine.

- Gimme your shoes or I'll break your arm. - You'll ruin my new jacket.

- Come here. - It cost me a lot. - Gravel! Gravel!

- That's enough. - Give me your shoes. - Stop that. - Give it to me.

- Put your foot up. Here she is. - No. - Give me the other one.

I can't walk barefoot on gravel, it stings.

Give me that shoe or I'll break your neck. I'll break your neck!

Damn, the police.

- Good evening. - Good morning, goodnight...

We got married today and celebrate like this.

We're happy.

I'm sorry to argue with you.

I'd like to start stealing together again.

Even with Amalio, if you want.

What are you saying? Are you crazy?

- Ouch, my feet. - Ouch, give me at least one.

You're delusional! Amalio went to Argentina to steal silver.

I have connections at the highest level. I'm a yuppie.

But you're so stupid, I even stole your shoes.

Dalmazio, you've never stolen anything in your life. Learn.

Where is my motorcycle?

Dalmazio. Have you seen my motorcycle?

Dalmazio, where's my bike? It was here. Is it in the plant?

Here's your bike!

Gotcha.

What are you doing here?

What are YOU doing here?

I'm waiting for someone who wants to do a hit with me. A smart one. Stupid!

- And I... - What? - I'm waiting for someone who wants to do a hit with me.

- Let's face it. - Let's face it.

- I'll "get" you know that I... - "Get you know"?

- Do you mean "have"? - Yeah, I'm waiting for my cousin Amalio.

He wants to work with me. Don't break my balls.

- Keep your hands off. Amalio is my cousin. - He's my cousin too.

- Mine too. - Mine too. - Then we're even. - Then?

- So, this... - Be careful. - Wait up. - Thing?

I'm going to prepare myself and start hurting you... physically.

- Go ahead. - I'll set a schedule. - Come on.

I'll start with a big screw in the nose. - No!

Then I'll embroider on your lips with a pair of scissors.

- Then I'll pull your ears like that. - No!

- Then I'll unhinge your mouth. - No! - You're scared, aren't you?

I'm good and dear, but above all I'm...

- An idiot! - What? - You're an idiot! - Sometimes.

Look there. Look who's there.

- Do you remember? - It's our uncle. - Sir?

That son of a bitch screwed us, don't you remember? - Ssst!

- Let's go, or I'll split him in two. - Poor fellow, he's blind.

No, he's just pretending. Look.

Now you will see.

- Who is it? - Ouch! - Ouch!

- One moment. - Egisto. - Uncle. - Where is Dalmazio? Where are you?

- And Amalio? - He's over there. - He's in Argentina.

How glad I'm to have met you. Dear Dalmazio.

I'm also very happy.

Not me. I can't forgive you. You stole everything from me, even my wife.

- I ended up in an asylum. - For him, hospitalization was necessary.

He's right, but have you ever wondered why I did it?

"Because two doesn't make three".

- Should I take guess? - Yes.

- Because you're a huge scoundrel. - What?

- I take that back. - Good.

Then look.

I did it for this.

To pull your eyes out?

To pay for an expensive operation that could have saved my sight.

I was forced to steal your share of the loot...

You, my beloved nephews, blood of my blood.

- You hurt me. - As you can see, it didn't help.

Fate punished me anyway. Now I wander alone and abandoned in the...

- In the deepest darkness? - Yes.

- Darkest? The darkest darkness. - Darkness.

Uncle, don't cry. We're here, we'll give you a "hand".

- Won't we give him a "hand"? - Even six hands. - Even three.

- You'll be the "light" of my eyes. > Attention, Egisto and Dalmazio.

Together, we will do a sensational hit.

Hear him out, I have to go. Bye. - What? - I can't.

- I've got something to do. - Are you leaving me here?

- You have your dog. - Listen to him.

Where are you going? Egisto. Dalmazio. Are you leaving me here?

Excuse me. Damn, he wasted my time. Make way.

Out of the way!

- An offer, sir? - No. I'm late. - Please, for the children.

Let go of my arm! Please.

- Scoundrel! - It's for the Third World. - I don't care.

"Sesame, open."

- For you. - Thanks.

Cousin.

> Mr. Egisto and Dalmazio Siraghi...

> please go to the information office.

Did someone shoot?

- An offer for the Red Cross? - Here.

- There you are. Amalio is mine. - It's mine - It's mine.

I would like to leave immediately...

May I help you?

- I'm Egisto Siraghi. - I'm Dalmazio Siraghi.

[together] I'm waiting for Amalio Siraghi.

- What do you want from me? - What do you want?

- Stop fighting. - Stop it. - Go away! Listen...

Amalio is not coming. They arrested him as he boarded the plane.

- Arrested? - Sometimes it happens to you thieves.

I came in his place. I'm Susanna, Amalio's daughter.

- My God! - So you are...?

- You're my uncle Egisto and you're uncle Dalmazio. - Pleasure.

We don't know his father. See you later.

Wait a minute, you have to give me Amalio's share of your last hit.

Dad sent me for this. It's best to talk about it at home.

- Do you have a car? - We only have one... - A pinball machine!

The car is not there. We... One moment.

- We went for a walk. - To stretch our legs.

- It's not serious, we'll rent one. - What? - Are you coming?

Susanna! Now I remember!

Your father was smart.

- I'll carry your suitcase. - No thanks!

I'm just trying to be nice.

- Here's the car rental. - Here it is.

- Good morning. - There he is. - Yes.

- We'll be waiting outside. - All right. - Good.

- You take the car. - Yes. - Take a big one. - Bye. - We...

Hello, I'd like to rent...

Go!

The bike.

- Get on. - Like this?

I don't feel safe.

1, 2, 3, go!

The bike stopped. My muscles stopped too. Go, run.

Didn't you get the money? I passed it to you, like that.

- You didn't pass them to me. - Are you trying to rip me off?

- Me? - Yes, you.

I'm not a thief. I mean, I wouldn't steal from you.

So where is the money? Did it evaporate?

- I don't think so. - "Evaporate"?

Either you are not Italian or they put something in your mouth.

Dalmazio, you also stole my house keys. Take them out.

- Didn't you steal my house keys? - What? - The keys.

- I don't have them. - You don't? - I didn't steal them.

- Dalmazio, shall we recap? - Yes. - Shall we do a summary? - Yes.

You didn't take the money I passed you.

No.

You didn't take the girl's bag.

- Why? - I didn't take it.

You didn't get the keys. Now we're stuck outside.

- I can't think about it. - Yes, we're stuck outside.

- Dalmazio, can I tell you something? - Yes. - Dalmazio.

You dickface! I'll tear your tonsils out, I will...

It's open?

- Her...? - What are you doing in my house?

- She was at the airport. - Yes.

Dad told me you'd try to screw me.

- He wanted to do it. - Me? He's the one... - No, not me.

Okay, we got to know each other.

Enough of that now. Let's talk business.

I know you don't have Dad's money, so we're partners now.

- No. - No... - We'll do some hits together.

- We'll start with the crane one. Remember? - Well...

- He does. - I'll do the crane. - Here.

- What are you doing? - He's a crane, a water bird.

Come here.

- Here we go. - Come on. - Walk normally.

- So how do I make the crane? - We got the wrong crane.

- Here? - Sit down. - Let's sit down.

- Good. - Here it is. It's very comfortable.

- Are you all right? - Yes. - Well, here's the plan.

- Stop! - What?

Once a week, an armored van comes out of the Mint, this one.

It's full of money and is escorted by two cars with armed policemen.

- Two? - Yes. Sounds like an impossible hit.

Very well.

We will do our best.

We know the route of the van. When it comes through...

We will make it divert and pass this way.

We will block the road and lower the crane arm from behind the wall.

Then with an electromagnet... Are you following me?

With the electromagnet we will hook the van and take it away.

- Clear? - Of course. Very clear.

The crane puts its arm over her and eats it.

- What does it do? - It puts it away.

- Which of you can handle a crane? - [together] Him!

Be careful, get ready. The van is leaving.

Dalmazio, further to the right.

[radio] Left. To the right. Down. Up.

[radio] Left, right.

Dalmazio! What have you done?

I'll come and show you. You good-for-nothing!

Ah, so painful!

OK?

Such pain!

The road is blocked.

The detour was successful. They're coming.

- Dalmazio, can you hear me? - Yes. - Good.

A mass of gravel will come down and block the road.

Our plan is perfect. Do you feel the gravel coming down? No.

It's not going down. Wait, I'll check.

What's going on, Egisto?

Dalmazio, they're coming!

Drop the gravel.

Here, get her down.

I ended up in the rocks.

I got it!

Go, go!

Let's go. What have you done? Stupid!

I'm sure he lives here. I'll do the talking.

Sure, if you can...

- Who is it? - Oh God. - Did you see him? - Not yet.

What's up?

Quiet, Satan. Come on, boys.

- Excuse me. - Come, Egisto.

- Good evening, uncle. - Hello. Dalmazio, come forward too.

I would, but Mr. Dog here is keeping me.

Satan is good, he just needs to get to know you.

I wouldn't want him to eat my hand.

Put your hand in front of his mouth, let him smell it.

- My hand in front of his mouth? - Yes.

He preferred it inside his mouth. Is that all right?

Satan, come here. Good boy. Have you seen how good he is?

You have to know how to deal with animals. Just like with people.

- Come on. Sit down. - Thanks. - You are welcome.

- What? - There are no... - Get comfortable. - Comfortable.

Here.

- I lay down like this, lying down. - Are you comfortable?

- Very much. - Like a pasha.

- Good. - There's the fire, too.

- We came... - Because the hit went wrong...

and you still need me.

I should tell you no, because you abandoned me in time of need.

True, I hadn't thought of that.

- Unfortunately. - You remember everything.

But forget it, everyone can make mistakes.

Uncle, in this case you should turn a blind eye.

That is, you could "have an eye" for us.

Do you mean I can still trust you?

Blindly!

Have mercy, I'm a little confused.

Okay, but you know my conditions.

Do you want some tea? Please take a seat here.

- Changing places? - Yes, get closer.

- We'll sit in those chairs. - Yeah, I was sick of sitting here.

I'll go this way, because Mr Dog is over there.

- Sit down. - I'm here.

- Where are you, Dalmazio? - I'm here.

Let's see. This smells so good.

- Give me the cup. - Ah!

- What's that? - Nothing.

- Is it good? - Yes.

- Do you want more? - NO!

All right.

- You want some, Egisto? - No, it's bad for me, I'll have a brioche.

This?

Got it.

- Nice and soft, eh? You like? - Yes, it's fresh.

Quiet, sst!

Let's talk about the plan. It's a sensational hit.

I planned it down to the smallest detail for quite some time now and...

Let me go!

- It's a woman. Do you know her? - No.

- We don't know her. - Are you sure?

- I swear. - Who are you?

Liars! I'm Susanna Siraghi, Amalio's daughter.

I have a right to participate in the hit, otherwise I'll tell the police on you.

[softly] Tell her she's a spy.

Miss, you are a spy.

No, he's right.

She belongs to the family and is entitled to participate.

You have the same character as Amalio. It's a pity I can't see you.

What's he doing? Cupping a feel?

You look like him.

- Hey! Keep your hands down. - Sorry.

- Hey. - Sorry.

Miss, he does this because he's blind.

- Visually impaired. - Right. Not because he is a "pig".

I get it, but keep your hands to yourself. So what do you decide?

I'm very glad you are staying with us.

Let's get some rest.

- Hard work awaits us tomorrow. - What do you mean?

We'll start with an intermediate hit to self-finance. There's a train...

What do you see?

Lots of cops.

There must be at least 10.

Do you see the gold box?

- Sure. - They're loading it right now.

We'll take care of unloading it.

Excuse me, he is blind, no, visually impaired.

Careful here. There's a step.

- Can I get a lunchbox, please? - 10,000 lire.

I'll give you 100,000, so I can make change.

- Dalmazio, let's go. - I'm coming.

- Come on, Dalmazio. - One moment.

- Let's go. - My change!

Will you give me my change? My change!

- Dalmazio! - My change!

- Sir? Can you help me? - I can't, the train leaves.

- Just a minute. - Okay, come on.

You can never find a porter.

Help.

Help! It's Pavarotti's suitcase. Ouch!

You sick man, Are you carrying your grand piano around?

What time is it?

- Five to ten. - Egisto should already be in action.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us "skinners".

Banzai!

What's this smell?

- I smell boiled egg. Are you eating? - Me?

- No. - You don't eat, do you? Let me see.

And here?

All right, go Dalmazio.

Go, Dalmazio, quickly.

- Leave the basket here - It was 100,000... - Grab your bag and go.

Good morning.

- I was looking for you. - Why? - You're the inspector.

- May I ask you a question? - Yes. - About timetables.

If the train arrives in Orte at 2.30 pm and the connection...

Wait.

- Could you repeat that? - If the train arrives in Orte at 2.30...

and the connection to Ancona leaves at 15.50...

What chance do I have of taking the train to Ascoli Piceno...

which leaves Riomaggiore at 7 PM to be in Cascello at 10 PM?

Who does this? Me?

- No, me. - You?

- Sure. - You're traveling? - Yes.

THen have a good trip. Bring something to read.

- You don't know the answer? - Me?

- Don't you know the timetable? - Well...

- What inefficiency! - Have mercy, ask me the back-up question.

Give me your full name and address.

I know that one! Wait.

The name is...

I'm reporting you. Badge number?

It's 1-7-9...

AAAH!

I'll let you know the rest.

Now I'll get you.

This wasn't a punch, it was a tram. I'll open this up.

Here.

Holy moly! Gold!

It's so heavy!

- What happened? - Can you see? - Is there a breakdown?

It's all right. Go back to your niches, I meant compartments.

Keep calm.

- Did you pull the emergency brake? - I was falling and I held on.

You'll have to pay a fi--

If I have to pay a fine, I'll pay it. How much is it?

- Forget it. - As you want. - Check that everything is okay.

Thank you. I apologize.

- All right? - Hurry up. - Let's run!

Careful, it's heavy. Egisto, Dalmazio, quick.

- Here. - He won't let go. - Get it down.

- See? It all went fine. - It went great.

We got 300 million.

150 million go to our uncle, 150 to us, split three ways.

150 divided by three...

- How much is it? - What?

- Me? - Yes. - Around... About...

- I don't know. - That's 50 million each, idiot!

But 300 divided by 3 would be 100 million each: twice as much.

- Yes, but... - What about uncle?

He's cheated you many times, you'll get even.

I have a guy waiting for me with 300 million. 50 km from here.

If I turn right, we go meet my guy...

if instead I go straight, we'll get to Uncle's mansion. What will it be?

- No. - It's against all rules. - It's illogical. - Exactly.

- We are dishonest, but... - We are thieves, but we are selfless.

- There's some lines you do not cross. - Quite right.

It is against all rules and morals. I would feel like...

- [together] Crap! - So what do we do?

Damn, a roadblock. You know what you need to do.

- We'll meet at the appointed place. - Plan B! Plan B!

Good morning, it's a check. Open the back, please.

It's already open, I have nothing to hide, but you can check.

300 million, 100 each. Wonderful!

- Put it in the trunk. - 300 million!

We screwed our bald-headed uncle.

They will be safe here.

- Take it. Over there. - There's the police. Stay down.

Car 12. We found Mr. Siraghi's stolen car.

That "pig" tricked us.

I have a hysterical fit of rage.

Uncle!

Uncle. Uncle. Uncle.

Uncle!

- The dog! - I'm not the dog.

It's pointless!

He ran away with the money.

How skeptical you are.

- Well done! - You see? He's here.

It means he has something in mind.

I'm so proud of you, the hit went great...

and you tried to cheat me. Thanks, I'm thirsty.

It means you learned almost everything from me.

Almost, because you almost managed to rip me off.

When you succeed, I will have nothing more to teach you.

- I thought you were pissed. - No I'm not angry.

The first rule of the thief is: always steal, however and from anyone...

and you have learned it. Well done. Now eat and rest.

See you in my studio. We have to move on to the most important hit.

Perfect, I can already feel the loot in my pocket.

Me too, but can we do without the dog that always broke my...?

- See? Our uncle loves us. - Stupid, he's just using you.

Once he no longer needs us, he'll discard us like a cigarette butt.

No way!

How does a blind man set a trap like the one he made?

He's blind, but he's not stupid.

Okay, I'll take care of getting his sight back tonight.

- A miracle? - Almost. You'll see.

This is the outline of a splendid ship...

which will leave in a week from Genoa for a fantastic cruise.

Beautiful, right? You like it?

It's is very beautiful, most of all it's... light colored.

- I don't see anything, just dots. - It's Braille.

- Brabham, like Formula one. - It's writing for the blind.

- Braille! - On the day of departure, on this ship...

30 billion worth of jewels will be shipped for a traveling exhibition.

- You mean... - They will travel. - What does it mean?

- Traveling! - I see. - What should we do?

The jewels will be hidden in this safe here.

- What kind of safe? - It's to protect the jewels against...

This is a brand new kind of safe.

No one has ever managed to open it, so far.

- For this you will have to find the keys. - My coronaries are dancing.

Dalmazio, Egisto, did you get that?

- Hey! Did you hear me? - Yes.

- Did you say keys? - Yes. - I understand perfectly well.

- Uncle? - Yes.

- Are we done? - No, we're just getting started.

You'll have to get the keys without being discovered.

You'll have to take a mold of the keys and put them back.

Yes.

There are only two keys.

The first is in the possession of commander Olivieri.

The second is kept by Commissioner Stangarotti.

- They're on their pre-departure vacation. - Quite right.

You will take care of Stangarotti. He's in a weight loss clinic.

- Remember, Stangarotti. - Who? - Stangarotti. - Yes good.

- Remember, Stangarotti. - This is your job.

- Sorry. - Yes.

Do I do nothing?

- You. - Me?

Do you know what trekking is?

It's a bird.

I saw one pass under my house yesterday.

I ate half of it. Have mercy, I don't know.

The mold.

No! NO!

Water! Water!

Aaah! Nice and cool!

This sauna smells like burnt skin.

[softly] I didn't make it.

[softly] Wait.

[softly] No?

[softly] Nothing.

- [softly] So? - [softly] My God.

[softly] Make him look.

Yes?

You could have told me before. Kiss Me.

Are you a homosexual? Stop. What are you doing?

- Kiss Me. - Susanna, stop laughing.

Don't kiss me on the earlobe, I'm HIV positive.

- Don't push. - You have doe eyes. - Go to the zoo, then.

Go inside. You open.

The key! The key!

The mold! The mold! The key mold!

With these keys, the safe will no longer be a problem.

I studied the security devices that protect the safe.

These devices are regulated by a computer like this one.

I will log into the ship's computer from 12:00 to 12:30 AM on the 10th.

- It's the only time to turn it off. - Excuse me. - Yes?

That means you'll have to keep your eyes wide open.

Don't worry, I can use the computer even without seeing it.

You'll only have 30 minutes before the alarm goes off.

Excuse me, is it free?

That's half an hour to get to the safe...

Distract the guards, elude the cameras...

... open the safe and take everything. Do you think you can do it?

- Me? Us? Do we think we can do it? - We think we can do it? - Sure.

- Who is it? - The bell. - Let's see who is it.

- Uncle, sit down here in the chair. - Thanks.

I told you everything. Remember that the stakes are quite high.

Excuse me, how high?

- I told you, 30 billion lire. - 30 billion. - More or less.

30 billion?

30 billion? I can't even say it. 30 billion.

Divided in half and then divided into three, how much is it?

Me again? Minus one... Divided... Minus five... Divided...

I can't do the math.

5 billion each, for the three of you.

5 billion!

Are you kidding? Five?

However, divided in half and then divided in two...

What? Do you mean that our "chick" must...?

Mine was just a piece of advice, it's up to you to decide.

- I see. - Although...

- Although... - Although?

The "chick"...

- Although... - Although?

She's our niece! Don't you remember? Idiot!

Don't fight. Mine was just a suggestion.

The girl's contribution is useless and costs you 5 billion...

so I thought... Who cares about 5...?

- Although... - Although.

Excuse me, can we talk eye-to-eye, that is, ear-to-ear?

Sure, please consult. You are welcome.

[together] Uncle, we agree!

No! I knew, things can never go my way.

- No, you got it wrong. Go, explain. - Yes, it's a joke.

- Dad is dead. Read the telegram. - What?

"I announce the sudden death of Amalio Siraghi."

"Please return to Buenos Aires immediately."

"My condolences. The director of the Buenos Aires prison."

Poor Susanna, I'm so sorry. Come on, baby.

Poor Amalio.

- Poor Amalio! - I'm blind. - Why did you leave?

- Why? - We've become orphans.

It's always the best that leave. Why didn't you take this one away?

- You better. - No, better them. - No, you. - No!

Go and forget about the hit. It was destined not to be done.

It can't be done without you, but with a tragedy like this...

nothing else matters.

- You drive, I don't feel like it. - All right. Go.

- Are you there, Egisto? - Susanna's left.

- She's gone? - Yes.

What a tragedy!

What are you doing, crying? You really are idiots!

I sent that telegram to Susanna, to send her away.

What?

Amalio is more alive than before.

How clever! But did you know that we...

That you'd agree to betray her, of course. Are you imbeciles, yes or no?

- Yes. - Yes, but not enough to give up 5 billion.

Come on, let's go. Come on, Dalmazio, it's late. Let's go, Dalmazio.

Good, Satan. Go. Go, go!

- We can't breathe. Can we change cabin? - Don't breathe.

Passenger selection was very strict.

You have a criminal record, so you have to travel illegally.

- He was in an asylum. - Stay hidden in the galley until midnight.

- You'll start moving then. Okay? - Well...

Here they are. Go.

- Release the harness. - Up.

FROZEN FOOD

This way.

- Let's take the frozen food. - Yes.

- Stowaways! - Let's go get an officer.

Stowaways? I'll deal with them. Open up.

Come and see. Here they are.

- Where? - They can't have run. We locked them in.

Damn. I'll find them. No stowaway has ever escaped me.

One tried, I broke his bones and threw him overboard.

Come, they must have gone that way.

- Are they here? - No.

Here they are! Come on!

Let's get them.

Run, Run. Plan A.

- Here. - Yes, this way.

They're trapped, there's no other exits. Call the inspector.

Where have they gone?

Quick, close it.

- On the stairs. - On the stairs.

Down. Come on. Plan B.

- Here. No, this way. This door. - Do you know the ship?

What do you care? Push.

- Maybe we should pull. - No. - [together] One, two...

three!

Plan C. Plan B didn't work.

Plan C.

Pull!

[shot]

- I give up. - What are you doing?

- Hello! - Hello!

Caught anything? We're greeting the fishermen.

He's a friend of him.

- They're good friends. - He's there.

He's diving, that's why you don't see him.

- Shoot. - Should I kill the fisherman?

That would be cruel.

- I won't do that. - He'd ruin a great friendship.

This is clay pigeon shooting, don't you want to try?

- You know the sport, right? - No.

- Then you try. - Me? - Yes, try.

I'll give you some friendly advice.

- He is not good, but he is lucky. - Yes.

Go on.

- What the fuck is gay pigeon shooting? - A figure of speech.

- You put it on your shoulder and pray. He's doing it. - I'm doing it. - Look.

Pull.

- Got it! - You missed it. - He got it. - No, I got it.

- You should've aimed at the clay! - No, this is GAY pigeon shooting.

He looks like a gay pigeon. Try it yourself. Let's see.

- Now? - Come on.

Do you want me to do it? I'm a rookie.

Watch out. Rambo's shooting.

- Ready? - Ready? Pray. Hail Mary.

- Ah! - My God!

- Missed. - Well, not really.

- Yes, you shot the wave. - Yes, I missed.

- Try this. - I'll give it back, I'm done.

- With two rifles. - With two.

- Two is better. - Yes, much better.

- Ready? - Ready. On your mark.

Pull.

- Missed this too. We'll return these. - Thanks.

- We're done for today. - Enough for today. - Goodbye.

- You don't shake hands. - See you later. - Thanks.

- Goodbye. You also don't shake hands. - Are we back tomorrow? - Yes.

- Tomorrow at 4. - Goodbye. - At 4, please.

We better cancel these appointments for tomorrow.

- Go! - Plan D.

Have you seen two stowaways?

Let's go away.

Sailors!

- Partly. - Here. - Good morning.

- Are you sailors? - He's more senior.

Then haul in that hawser.

- He didn't understand your order. - He didn't understand.

- HAUL THAT HAWSER! - Which one? - THAT ONE.

- This? - One moment. He's always like that.

- Take the hawser. - One moment. - Then yes...

- What are you doing? - Wait. Here it is.

- What are you doing? - Hauling.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TAKE THE PIKE POLE.

- The polish sailor? Call him. - What's his name? - Puddu.

Puddu. Report.

- I said THE PIKE POLE! - Mr. Puddu can't come because...

- He was hungry. - He's in the canteen.

TAKE THE SPAR.

- What do we do now? - Now?

- THE SPAR. - OK, though we're supposed to meet Puddu.

# Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. #

- Here they are! - Plan E!

Move over there.

- No! - Oh God.

- Left, right, where? - Plan F.

- This way. - There he is. Here they are.

- Where do we go? - We're surrounded.

There's more of them.

Let's get safe.

Damn them.

They disappeared.

It was strong, wasn't it?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the "Jewels on the sea" showcase.

- What a nauseous place. - What is this smell?

- It smells so good, I'm getting hungry. - You always think about food.

- Spinach soup, roast pork! It's driving me mad!. - Come on.

It's driving me...

Let's go.

- The key. - The key.

The key to the safe is in the spinach soup.

Here's Dany, with a marvellous matching set.

The set includes a necklace, earrings and bracelets.

Here's Costanza, with platinum necklace, earrings and bracelets.

Lucrezia presents you a set of diamonds and rubies.

Nicoletta presents a necklace with emeralds and diamonds.

- This is our second edition. - Really?

- We have to keep very strict security. - I see.

They are jewels of great value.

- They're worth billions. - Where the hell is it?

The watch is water resistant, it's no problem.

Goodbye, I'll explain later.

It was a wonderful evening. What are you doing?

- I'll bring you another later. - What are you doing?

Soft boobies!

- What are you going to do to me now? - Sorry

Dany and Costanza present bracelets with emeralds and diamonds.

Lucrezia presents a tiara of diamonds and emeralds.

Sara, Dany, Costanza and Lucrezia present you 5 wonderful sets.

- Did you find the key? - No.

What do we do now?

- I have an idea. Let's look here. - Yes.

- The boatswain! - Get down.

- [softly] Follow me. - [softly] Yes.

- It's back here. Let's hide under the table. - Plan G.

It is truly a splendid show.

- Excuse me. Who took my plate? - I don't know.

- Mine is missing too. Excuse me? - Yes?

Did you see who took my plate?

Mine is also missing. Waiter!

This is our last hope. These are the last three bowls.

It's not here. Not here either. Where did it go? Let's check here.

- It's here! We found it! - We're safe.

- Isn't that...? - It's Susanna. - Isn't she supposed to be in Argentina?

Yes, but she's here. It means she wants to fool us.

- We do too. - We're not idiots. - What time is it?

- Almost midnight, and we have the key. - There's not much time. - Let's go.

The fashion show of our "Jewels on the sea" collection is over.

The jewelry is in the safe, you can arm the alarm.

- Go. Move. - Is it this? - Go. Good.

Is it this?

Turn off the power, before the camera sees us.

Come on, come on.

Move. No!

We made it. Go.

Disconnect the yellow wire and connect the green one.

Unplug the red and plug the black.

Aaah!

Don't shake. We have 30 seconds before the light comes back.

Walk. Don't shake, you'll make me shake too. Come on, come on.

Yes, there is no power here too. It must be a momentary failure.

Yes. Power is back on, everything is fine.

We're good.

Who's this bitch?

My mom.

- Your mom? - Yes.

- We needed the photo of the corridor! - Here it is.

- Damn! - I did it out of love.

Everything is under control, the armored corridor, also.

How long do we have?

- Three minutes and 20 seconds. - 3 and 20.

How long do we have?

- 3 minutes and 19 seconds. - How long do we have?

3 minutes and 18 seconds.

- How long do we have? I'm nervous. - One and a half. - One and a half.

- How long do we have? - Time's up.

Attention, This is the captain.

We are approaching stormy weather.

We have reports of rogue waves, they shouldn't last long. Thanks.

- Together. Open up. - Go.

- I closed. - God, I'm claustrophobic.

I'm walled up alive. Dalmazio!

- Who is it? It's me, stupid. - You? Wait up.

The ship doesn't stand still.

Open the door for me, idiot!

- Open the door. I'm looking for the keys. - Put a key up top and one below it.

My arms have shortened.

- I can't do it. - Coward, you want to leave me here.

You want to leave me walled up here like Silvio Pellico, like Pietro Micca.

I don't want to stay here. You open.

Where are we?

My stomach turned.

What's up?

The perturbation is over, we have overcome the waves. Thanks.

Give me a hand. You're disgustingly lazy.

- Come on. - I feel seasick. - Put this in your bag.

Put it in your...

- I'll put it here. The door! - Go!

We're out by a hair.

- It's him. - It's him.

Good evening. I'll shake your hand.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye. We're going, are you coming?

- Do you want us to take him too? - No. - Goodbye. - Goodbye.

- Hands up. - What's up? - Hands up, and turn around slowly.

- I get it. - I don't. - You can't give up on our company.

I heard a disturbing noise.

I'm happy, because you are a very nice man...

The boatswain has changed!

Susanna, didn't you go to Argentina?

Yes, with my poor dad.

HANDS UP!

I seem to guess from her eyes, very fascinating, but incisive...

that she's fucking pissed off because of that practical joke...

that we did to her, announcing the death of Amalio.

Excuse this sincere laugh, but Amalio is not dead. Amalio is alive!

I don't give a shit.

She said she doesn't give a shit about her dad.

Shame!

I'm not Amalio's daughter, I'm Susanna Volpi, an insurance agent.

You should have said this sooner, I'm already insured.

- I have 5 branches: life, death and miracles. - Five. - What do I care?

- Stop there! - Why are you doing this?

You know what, I've decided to take out a small policy, I feel the need.

- Accident policy? - No, life. - Sure, life.

Meanwhile, I'm telling you that if we're not out of here within three minutes...

- We'll take it up the .. - Up the insurance? - No.

We're screwed.

Now take me to your uncle.

I've been trying to catch him red-handed for three years.

Either do as I told you, or I'll take you to the captain and have you arrested.

Hey!

We have an emergency. There's strangers in the armored corridor.

OK, we'll help you arrest Uncle.

- The alarm! - Soon. - Let's evaporate.

Get the bite out of your mouth.

To all the crew: the alarm went off in the armored cabin.

Roger. We are looking for them.

Galloping, galloping.

- Get the inflatables. - It's very heavy. - How you do it?

- Not that, this. - This? - Let me through.

What are you doing? This.

- Give me a hand. - Dalmazio. - It's this? - Pull it up.

Let's throw it into the sea.

- Are the coordinates right? - The coordinates?

Sure, we agreed, we don't want to fool you.

- No. - You're so skeptical.

- Here it is, he's coming. - Here comes Uncle.

- Here comes "baldie". - Dalmazio. - Yes?

Climb aboard and immobilize him while he looks at the jewels.

I'll come then. All right?

- Yes, that plan is... - Prestigious.

But... Do you like this plan?

- Can I make a proposal? - Yes.

- It would be better... - Yes.

- If she went up, that you went up first. - Right.

You go up, you grab him, you slam him down, you hit him up...

- On his carotid. - On his carotid.

- Then we'll come aboard. - I'm in.

- All right, you "pants-shitters"! - Don't call us names.

- He's the one with the bad diet. - What are you talking about? Idiot!

- Susanna, we are proud of your voluntary choice. Well done.

- Hit him on the carotid. - Give me the jewelry bag.

- We'll come aboard after. - She'll arrest Uncle and we'll be safe.

- What is she doing? - What are you doing? No!

- Say hi to your uncle. - Don't do it.

He'll be upset.

- She stole our jewels. - What do you care? We are sinking.

- Open the inflatable. - You open it. - Help me. Take it.

- Who is it? - It's Uncle. - Now you tell him.

You tell him the jewels are gone.

- Here we are. - You get in first. No, me first. Row.

- There he is. Hello Uncle. - Uncle! - We're here.

- Uncle, we're here. Come - Here we are. - Hi guys. - Down.

Everything went fine?

More or less.

Everything good. Perfect plan.

Tell him, Dalmazio.

- Throw me the jewels. - What? - The jewels.

- We can't hear you, speak up. - THE JEWELS.

- You tell him, you're diplomatic. - You tell him. One moment.

Well, firstly... we don't have them any more.

What did you say?

Susanna, that thief, stole them from us. Sorry!

Susanna? Have you been fooled by a woman?

Excuse me, but weren't you blind?

I can see just fine, and I see that you are two assholes!

She screwed you too, idiot!

Don't shoot, I was kidding!

He hit us. We're sinking.

- Wait up. - Did you see how he shot us? - I have a third inflatable.

It's small and it's the last, there are no more after this.

- See? I screwed them one more time. - Without them suspecting you.

- I'll put the jewels in the safe. - No, I have something better, come on.

Look over there.

What do you think?

Good, Satan, They're safe. Nobody will ever take them there.

Come, my love.