Original subtitles

(bright music)

(upbeat music)

(dynamic music)

(pensive music)

(dog barking)

(car engine rumbling)

- Was it some kinda costume party?

- Yeah.

- Who are you supposed to be?

- A good politician? (laughing)

(passenger gagging)

- Come on, bro.

What the hell did you drink?

- Everything?

Can we turn on some music or something?

- Sure, whatever you want. (upbeat music)

- Thank you.

Not that.

Can you change it?

(upbeat music)

Thank you. (sighing)

(pensive music)

By the way, your check engine light's on.

(car engine revving)

(pensive music)

- "Walker's Walking?"

- Yeah. I think I'm gonna start my own walking company.

Skip the middleman.

- It's cute, but I don't really think it's your style.

Like you could do like a good pun

with your name or something.

- How about something based off

of, uh, "Walker, Texas Ranger?"

No?

- I don't get it.

- What? - I don't know what that is.

I don't get it. (laughing) - Come on.

Look, I figured I could hand out flyers

with deliveries or something.

- Yeah.

- Would you mind?

- Printing it out at the library?

- Paper does not grow on trees.

- (laughing) Yeah, send it over in the morning

and I'll print it out.

Try not to stay up too late, okay?

(lips smacking)

- I love you.

- [Girlfriend] Love you, too.

(pensive music)

(phone dinging)

(dog faintly barking) (bicycle wheels clinking)

(dynamic music)

(phone dinging)

(car faintly whizzing)

(phone dinging)

(truck whizzing)

(door knocking)

- Hey, delivery.

- Hi.

I-Is that my pizza?

- Yeah.

- It, um,

it's drenched.

- Well, it's raining, but it-it's fine.

- Uh, c-can I see it,

the pizza?

- I, I was just really looking forward to eating that pizza.

- Well, I was looking forward to getting paid to deliver it.

- There's just no way I'm, I'm gonna eat that.

- Where are you going?

(door knocking) - Hey, come on, we can.

Come on.

Hey.

Hello?

- You know, if money is really that much of an issue,

I can ask my parents if they can help out a little bit.

- No, this is my place,

it's my responsibility.

- I-I totally get that.

I just think you're in a rough patch right now,

and a little bit of help

would give you a chance to breathe

and get back on your feet.

- If I take money from your parents,

they're gonna start to have an opinion

on the way I live my life.

I mean, I'm sure they already do,

but I'll start feeling like they're right.

- It's not about them being right.

It's about you having time

to work on your own projects

and pursue your own goals.

I mean, what's the point in all this part-time work

if you don't have any free time

at the end of the day?

- Well, I can't get a real job here

because you're making us move to who knows where.

Look, I have freedom,

just not the financial kind.

I just need a few more gigs to pull through,

then I'll be flush.

(phone dinging)

Looks like I have my first dog-walking venture.

(phone dinging) - That's awesome.

- Cornbread from 2A.

- Is that the one that barks all night?

- Wish me luck.

(pensive music)

(gate squeaking)

Come on, come on. (laughing)

(phone buzzing)

(Walker laughing)

Now you wanna sit by me, huh?

(phone dinging)

(keys clacking)

(message alerting)

(phone dinging)

(keys clacking)

(message popping)

(phone dinging)

(message popping)

(message popping)

(phone dinging)

(keys clacking)

(message popping)

(phone dinging)

All right, let's get outta here.

I gotta make some real money, Cornbread.

(eerie music)

(door clacking)

(phone dinging)

(door clacking)

Doug?

Here, boy.

Doug.

(Walker whistling)

Doug?

Here, Dougie, Dougie.

Here, boy.

(Walker whistling)

Doug?

Doug?

Where are you?

Come on, buddy, you don't have to hide.

Dougie?

(Walker whistling)

Come on, you dumb dog.

(suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

Jesus Christ.

(door clacking)

(phone ringing)

Hey, listen,

that was a real fucked-up prank

to pull on somebody, all right?

You better be good for the money.

- [Automated Service] Hello, this is an automated message

for Timothy Walker.

Your Coldrock utility bill is past due.

Your services will be disconnected.

(pensive music)

(phone dinging)

(door clacking)

Doug?

Hey, Doug.

(collar jingling)

Come on, are you serious?

(Doug panting)

(pages rustling)

(shoes thudding)

(Doug panting)

Thanks.

So you want me to actually walk you around?

Because, look, there's no way I'm picking up your shit.

(collar jingling)

Okay.

(pensive music)

(Doug panting)

(can ripping)

(bowl clinking)

(Doug munching)

(Walker slurping)

- All this from some dogs?

- People love their pets.

I got a, a big tipper today.

- You paid everything off first though, right?

- Well, I paid rent.

Well, last month's rent,

but I'll get this month's squared away next week,

- Walker.

You really need to prioritize those things

before you treat us to stuff. - I know,

but it's just been so long

since I've walked through a grocery store

and been able to get exactly what I wanted.

I just needed that feeling.

- Well, thank you.

This is very sweet.

(phone buzzing)

(phone clacking)

Whose texting you right now?

- Big tipper wants me to come back tomorrow.

- Hey, that's great.

What kind of dog is it?

- I think it's a dalmatian.

- Aw, is he cute?

- I wouldn't really call him cute, but.

- How can a dalmatian not be cute?

- I guess you'd just have to see him.

(Doug panting)

All right,

so if we're gonna do this,

there are gonna be some ground rules, okay?

One, you do not touch me without permission.

Two, you do not lick me.

Never lick me, all right?

(collar jingling)

Three, I can make up new rules whenever I want.

Is that clear?

Doug, what are you doing?

I know you can understand.

Four, you have to respect me when I talk to you.

So you go outside like this?

(Doug barking)

(eerie music)

Got it.

Sick VHS skill, bro.

(Doug barking)

Come on.

Come on.

(Doug barking)

(keys clacking)

(message popping)

(phone dinging)

(keys clacking)

(message popping)

(phone dinging)

(keys clacking)

(message popping)

(phone dinging)

(keys clacking)

(message popping)

(phone dinging)

(message popping)

- I, um, I got into Georgetown.

- You're not gonna tell me?

- I just did.

- So you wanna go then?

- I mean, I think it's probably for the best.

It puts us on a good path

where I can get a good job

and help provide for us.

- Well, apparently I've stumbled upon that path myself.

- Walking dogs?

You can't be serious.

- Well, I can afford this place again.

- Yeah, but can we actually survive on that?

I mean, gig work isn't stable.

- Let's give it a chance.

Look, for the first time in my life,

I have a steady-paying gig.

Who knows if they'll keep up

in whatever college town we go to.

- I wouldn't call DC a college town.

And they have dogs there.

Plus we could stay with my parents.

- Did they feed you that line themselves?

Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do.

I'm just saying you don't have to agree

to anything just yet.

You're gonna do amazing things wherever you go.

So why not here?

(dog snoring)

(bag unzipping)

(ball bouncing)

(eerie music)

(door clacking)

(door clacking)

(woman cat hissing)

What the fuck?

(woman cat meowing) (dynamic music)

(Doug barking)

(woman cat meowing)

(woman cat hissing) (Doug barking)

Doug, what are you doing?

(woman cat hissing) (Doug barking)

Doug, who is this?

Is she supposed to be here?

Because I, I, I really don't think

she's supposed to be here.

(woman cat meowing and hissing)

Doug. (Doug barking)

(woman cat meowing)

(bag unzipping)

(water spraying) - Hey,

what do you think you're doing?

- Who are you?

- I'm Preston.

And this little chonker that you're tormenting

is Mimi?

- Yeah, we've been acquainted.

- Are you okay, sugarplums, huh?

Did that little mean dog hurt you?

(Mimi hissing)

Did you touch her?

- No, I just had to clean up after her.

- (laughing) I know that story.

She's a rambunctious little one.

- So do you live around here?

- Right down the street.

- Is the whole neighborhood like this?

- It's safer that way.

We wouldn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.

(throat clearing) So what do you do, Walker?

- Well, I walk dogs,

and Dougs, I guess.

- Yeah, anything else?

- I have a degree in studio art.

- Oh, an artist.

- Now, that's interesting.

- You know, I don't really consider myself an artist.

- Ah, come on, once an artist,

always an artist.

I consider myself to be

something of an artist as of late.

- Oh yeah? (Preston laughing)

What's your medium?

- Prompts.

- (laughing) Right.

- Is something wrong?

- No, I mean, you're entitled to your own opinion.

- You don't think prompt work is artistry?

- You know what?

I don't really wanna talk about this anymore.

(Velcro ripping) - So, uh,

you think you're better than me?

- I, seriously, I don't,

I don't think I'm better than anybody.

- Well, that's what you implied.

- You sure you feel okay?

- Is it bad?

- I mean, it doesn't look good.

And the dog did this?

- Kind of, it was my fault.

He was chasing a cat

and I got in the way.

- How big is this dog?

- I wouldn't really worry about it.

He's very well behaved.

- I'm sure, but he's still an animal.

I mean, what happens if he bites you?

- I don't really think that's, uh, an issue.

- Has he been neutered?

- I hope not.

(water splashing)

Look, I don't really know how to say this,

but, uh,

Doug,

he's a guy who pretends to be a dog.

(girlfriend laughing)

Look, we don't do anything.

We just kind of hang out.

- Are you serious?

- Kylie, the money is insane.

- What the fuck, Walker?

Were you just not gonna tell me?

- I just did.

- So,

are you like an escort?

- Well, more like a caregiver,

but it's not all that different from walking dogs.

This guy just wants a friend.

- Was the cat a guy?

- She's, uh, a girl.

(Kylie sighing) Look, it's weird, yeah,

but they're harmless.

It's just kind of this thing they do for fun.

And it hasn't even been sexual at all,

and I would stop it if it was.

- Walker, I really don't like this.

- Look, it's pretty much the same

as any other dog job I've had in the past,

except this one pays so much better.

I promise, I'll call it quits if it gets too weird.

(birds singing) (pensive music)

All right, Doug.

Go get it, boy.

There you go.

Come on, Doug.

(clapping) There you go, Doug, come on.

(man dog barking)

- [Passerby] I get migraines.

I have one right now from dealing with you.

- Get the hell off me.

- Whatever, I have to go.

I'll, I'll come into your office.

- Fuck. - Pauper.

Pauper?

(electricity zapping) (Pauper groaning)

Oh.

Do we have to go back to the bark color, huh?

I'm sorry, he never does that.

I'm Princess and this beauty right here is Pauper.

You must be Walker.

We're friends of Douglas.

Look at them.

Come, let's have a drink.

(Pauper barking)

(dog whimpering)

(glass clinking)

- I don't really think I should be drinking on the job.

This is the perfect job to drink.

- No, thanks, ma'am.

I'm a professional.

- I'm so sorry about what happened with Pauper.

Hmm? - I'm all right.

- Still learning, I hope it didn't hurt too much.

- I'll be fine.

- Mm.

You remind me of someone,

some handsome dude, I--

- Easy, Princess.

- [Princess] I was just getting to know Walker.

- Yeah, sure you were.

Have either of you two seen Mimi around?

- You never knew how to keep a woman around.

- You're more bitch than woman anyway.

- [Princess] Don't you dare start with me.

- [Preston] Seems like you can't keep your hands

off any man that walks through the door, can you?

It's disgusting.

- [Princess] You are disgusting.

(mysterious clattering) (Doug whimpering)

- Mimi.

Mimi, is that you, hun?

(eerie music)

- Pauper.

- [Preston] You okay, boy?

- [Princess] Douglas.

(gasping) Pauper.

- This is a surprise to you?

Have you ever considered taking that scoundrel

to the animal shelter?

- What?

- You take that kitty cat to the slaughter house?

- Fuck off.

Mimi?

- Pauper.

- [Preston] Mimi?

- What? (Doug whimpering)

We talked about this.

Dogs don't use weapons.

- Is there a hospital or a, a clinic or something?

- No, we have someone for these sort of things.

(Princess sighing) (phone faintly ringing)

(Doug whimpering)

Lachne, darling,

would you mind checking in on Douglas?

- [Walker] You'll be all right, Doug.

You're gonna be all right.

- I'm afraid Pauper

may have gotten a little too rough with him.

(door clacking and squeaking)

- Ah.

Hello.

Dr. Lachne.

Pleased to meet you, Mr.?

- Walker.

- Ah, (laughing) perfect. (laughing)

(sighing) You have a remarkable coat.

You definitely wanna take care of that.

- You ever heard of, uh, boundaries?

- Yes.

Oh, uh, you'll bring our dear damaged Douglas

to my clinic, won't you? (laughing)

- [Walker] Do I need to be here for this?

(pensive music)

- Well, you don't expect the dog

to tell me his symptoms, do you? (laughing)

Gently, gently.

- So you take time out of your day to do this?

- Oh, I assure you,

I am being paid, Mr. Walker,

more than you.

- (sighing) I don't get it.

Why would anyone wanna be a dog,

let alone pay for the deluxe experience?

Sorry, Doug.

- Have you ever heard the story of a dog named Balto?

There was a big statue of him in Central Park.

- I'm afraid I'm not up to date on my dog history.

- It is a wonderful story.

Some children in Nome were horribly sick,

and the only medicine

was near 700 miles away.

They had dog sled teams

make the journey through the harsh conditions.

(Lachne throat clearing and sighing)

Balto was supposed to be relieved, uh,

but a terrible storm

forced them to press forward through the cold.

That dog made it to Nome,

half frozen.

He saved those children's lives.

Dogs are loyal, brave and loving, Mr. Walker.

Why would anybody want to be a dog?

Why would anybody wanna be a man?

(Princess groaning)

(pensive music)

(Pauper slurping)

(Princess groaning)

- So it's Doug's house?

- Yeah.

- And how many people live there?

- Just him, I think the others are neighbors or something.

- Does he talk,

like if you guys had a conversation?

- Yeah, we text.

- You text?

- Yeah.

(Kylie sighing)

- I mean, do you not see the red flags here?

Like you said you saw a grown man

convulsing on the ground

and a, a weird vet that's--

- That's what you're worried about?

Kylie, I've had some shit jobs in the past,

at least I get paid for this.

Do you not see the green flags?

I make $300 a day.

You can't beat that.

- [Kylie] And he's your only client?

- Yes, I work for Doug, that's it.

- Okay, but why do they do this?

I mean, what are they getting out of this?

- I don't know.

I think he just wants a friend.

- It sounds like he has a bunch of friends.

Why does he need you?

- Look, I don't really look into it.

I just, I don't wanna judge him

for the, the way he wants to live his life.

- It's weird, Walker.

I don't, I'm not comfortable with this.

I don't want you to go back.

Please don't go back.

Do you think FoodDude would take you back?

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure FoodDude would take me back.

All right, if you don't want me to go back,

I won't go back.

- Good, I think that's smart.

I don't want you to go back.

I mean, it sounds like these people are dangerous.

- So, um, when do you wanna go to Georgetown?

- You really wanna go?

- Well, there's no point in me staying here.

And if that's where you see your future, then yeah.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

I'll make something work, okay?

- So you're gonna text him

and say you're not coming back.

- Well, he paid for me to come tomorrow,

so I'll tell him to his face.

(lips smacking)

(pensive music)

All right, listen, Doug,

I'm not gonna be coming over anymore.

(sighing) My time here is done.

I can't, I can't do this anymore, it's.

All right, Doug, here's the deal.

I'm gonna be leaving town in a month.

Look, I wanna hang out,

but it's gotta be more low key around here.

That means no friends,

no visitors,

no vets,

just us.

If that's not okay, I walk.

It's as simple as that, deal?

(collar jingling)

Oh God, I wish he would just fucking talk. (sighing)

(card rustling)

(Doug panting)

All right, I'll go to the party,

and then we part ways.

Deal?

(bright eerie music)

Doug.

(phone dinging)

(Doug panting)

(Mimi meowing)

(phone dinging)

(keys clacking)

(message popping)

(phone clacking)

(phone dinging)

(Doug snoring)

(Doug panting)

(Doug barking)

(door clacking)

- Hey, are you home?

My parents are in town,

they wanna surprise me for finals

and take us out to dinner.

What's going on?

- I'm going to a party.

- Whose party is it?

Please tell me you didn't go back?

- Look, I just thought a little more money

would make the move easier.

- What the fuck, Walker?

- It's just for the party.

And I already quit.

After tonight, I'm out.

- (laughing) Okay, got it.

So you won't take financial help from my parents

'cause they'll have opinions about your life,

but you'll play dress up

and dance around for these fucking weirdos,

these total strangers?

- [Walker] You don't get it.

- What? - You'll always

have your parents to fall back on.

I'm trying to build a safety net

for myself under my own terms.

- You are such a hypocrite.

- Fuck you. - Fuck you.

You act like you're so independent and in control,

but you're just a slave

to everything and everyone around you.

- Spoken like a true rich girl,

with your daddy waiting outside,

ready to buy you a fancy dinner

and a fancy Georgetown apartment,

thinking that you,

you are gonna save the world?

Who the fuck are you?

Everyone else is doing the same shit.

- Is that really how you feel about me?

- I guess it is.

It just took me a little bit to figure it out.

- It really sucks that you lied to me, Walker,

but lying to yourself is even worse.

So fucking I'm done.

Don't contact me.

I'm gonna leave here

and try and get the sound

of your constant bullshit outta my head.

(door clacking)

(door slamming)

(Walker sighing) (upbeat music)

(door knocking) (attendees faintly speaking)

- Hey, buddy, how you doing?

Look what I made you.

(Doug barking)

Can I put this somewhere?

(cat woman meowing)

I need a drink.

- Walker?

Huh. - Hey.

- Look at you, I didn't think you'd get into it.

- Well, Doug got me the costume, so.

- Hey, look, no judgment from me.

Have you seen Mimi anywhere?

- Just us dogs.

- I'm a bat,

not a dog, so.

Well, just us artist.

- Oh, you did that?

Looks like you took your sweet-ass time with that one.

This one, five minutes,

prompt work.

The future is here.

Let me know if you see Mimi, okay?

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday.

Have fun.

Mimi?

- Oh, look at the doggies.

I heard it's someone's birthday.

Who is a birthday boy?

You are.

And who's this little cutie here?

Ooh.

- Princess.

It's me, it's Walker.

- Walker.

Oh my gosh, you look so much better in your mask.

- Do you need something?

- Uh, yeah, I need to borrow the birthday boy

for a little yearly physical.

You can come too if you want.

- I'm gonna get a drink.

- Pauper can show you the way.

(Pauper whimpering)

Be a good boy

and maybe you can join in on the fun, too.

- You know, I'm gonna go by myself,

if that's all right with you.

(Pauper barking and growling)

(pensive music) (light scratching)

(Mimi meowing)

You know Preston's looking for you right now?

(eerie romantic music)

(Walker scoffing)

Yeah, I'm trying to hide out here, too.

So you and Preston ever like fight for real?

(laughing) You don't have a care in the world, do you?

You know, I'm having some relationship problems

right now, too.

Look, I, I don't even know why I'm here.

Well, I am here.

(cosplayer laughing) (upbeat music)

(Princess groaning) (attendees faintly speaking)

(Pauper grunting)

(Preston grunting)

- West Highland Terrier.

Am I right?

(pensive music)

- Yeah, Doug picked it out just for me.

- You know, Westies didn't appear in dog shows until 1896.

They're amusing, funky, portable,

but beneath that plush exterior

lies the heart of a working terrier.

They're a good breed,

if you like small dogs.

It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Walker.

- Do we know each other?

- I've been paying you for months to walk my dog.

And we're so sorry you'll be leaving soon.

- I, I'm sorry, I think you're confusing me with somebody.

I only work with, with Doug.

(owner laughing) I've walked other dogs

in the past. - That's my Doug.

He inspires loyalty.

- Wait, are,

is Doug your son?

- Oh Lord, no.

Don't get me started with children.

- Mom, have you seen Mimi?

- For fuck's sake,

I told you never to call me that.

- Right, sorry, Eleanor.

Have you seen Mimi?

- That feral cat is your responsibility?

Why don't you go ask your whore ex-wife?

- She's busy.

- (laughing) Anytime I see her

with that bulldog of a man,

I'm reminded of your failure.

And then I think to myself,

"Will Preston ever learn how to satisfy a woman?"

(Eleanor laughing)

- Wait, so you're telling me

that this isn't Doug's house?

- Does this look like a doghouse to you?

(inquisitive music)

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Doug ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

(attendees barking)

(attendee hissing)

(transitions whirring)

- No, Doug, no.

(Doug whimpering)

I just met Eleanor by the way.

You led me on.

(Doug whimpering) It's not cool.

That's fucked up, Doug.

You lied to me.

Bad boy.

(Doug sniffing)

(birds singing)

- Pauper? - Must have been fun

with that one.

- Pauper, where are you?

Pauper? - Yeah, I get it.

- Where are you?

- Ooh, this I get. - Pauper.

(door clacking)

(birds singing)

(phone faintly ringing)

(pensive music)

- [Kylie] Hi, this is Kylie.

Please leave a message.

- Hey, Ky,

I know you're probably not listening right now

because I said some horrible stuff last night.

But I wanted to let you know,

I think you're right.

I'm full of shit.

Listen, I lied to you.

I lied to you and I shouldn't have.

I just wanna be with you, all right?

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

I love you.

If you hear this, call me back.

(Walker sighing)

Hey, party's over, bro.

Hey, Pauper, what happened?

- Oh, Jesus Christ, not this again.

- Get an ambulance.

- (sighing) Quit your crying.

We can handle this.

Uh, help me get him inside.

(Walker and Lachne grunting)

Drop him back, drop him back gently, gently, gently,

or not.

- I'm calling 911.

- Mr. Walker, calm the fuck down.

(Princess screaming) He is not gonna make it

to a hospital.

I have everything I need in the basement.

Princess, Princess, back up.

Will you get her outta here?

I can't do anything with her here.

Pauper.

Can you hear me?

Totally un responsive.

We gotta get him to the basement immediately.

Let's go, let's go. (grunting)

Eleanor, Eleanor, get in here, we need you.

We're taking him to the basement.

(urine splashing)

(golf club smacking)

(Lachne grunting)

Oh fuck, one step at a time, please. (grunting)

Jesus. (grunting)

Oh God.

I'm gonna go get a wheelchair.

That's the only way we're gonna get him in there.

(Doug barking)

- You've been a bad dog.

(Doug faintly barking)

I'm sorry, dear,

but you've seen much.

You had to walk.

(Walker grunting)

(Walker muffled screaming)

- Hello. (laughing)

Glad you could join us, Walker.

We want you to witness this little procedure.

(Walker muffled screaming)

It's chloroform. (laughing)

Not bad for a night's party

if you don't mind the headache.

- It's a terrible thing.

But our dear Pauper isn't going to make it.

We feel the most humane thing to do is put him down.

- Euthanasia is rapid,

quite peaceful.

Your pet just falls asleep.

But on rare occasions,

there may be a small vocalization or a, a cry.

This is not pain,

hmm, although you may interpret it as such.

Now then.

(heart beating)

Go on, boy.

Cross that rainbow bridge.

End your suffering.

If they could comprehend it,

I'm sure they'd thank us.

- I know just how you feel, Princess.

Some think it's an abuse

to separate a social animal

from their companion.

So we're going to give you the option.

You could either wind up like Pauper,

or you can stay with us and be a good boy.

Don't worry,

we'll show you how.

- Fuck you.

(cage rattling) (pensive music)

(Walker shouting) (shock collar buzzing)

(Walker coughing)

- Oh, good.

You're already up.

I hope you're finding your new accommodations satisfying.

Mom, I mean, (sighing) Eleanor, sorry,

told me to feed you,

but she didn't tell me how.

So I just set your food and water up here

and I'll let you figure it out,

since you're so artistic and clever.

- Fuck. (shock collar buzzing)

(Walker grunting)

- You'll learn, little doggy.

They all do.

(water trickling)

(cage rattling)

(bowl clattering)

(cage rattling) (Walker grunting)

(Walker screaming) (shock collar buzzing)

(Walker coughing)

(cage rattling)

(chain rattling)

- Good morning, little doggy.

Eleanor wanted me to come down

and give you a little physical examination.

You know, make sure you don't have any fleas

or butt worms,

nasty things like that.

Oh, oh, she also wants me

to inform you of your new name.

It's Winston.

Winston the Westie, Winston the Westie.

It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

(laughing) You'll get used to it.

It's all part of the adoption process.

(sighing) Now,

I am going to have to step in a little closer to you

for this examination.

I hope you'll be cooperative.

Show me your paws.

Paw.

Good boy.

Yes, good healthy nails there.

Yes.

Teeth.

Teeth.

(button clicking)

Tongue.

Mm.

(button clicking)

Beautiful.

You're looking very healthy.

Now, I'm going to need you

to put your wrist up against the cage

so that I can check your heartbeat, hmm?

- Fuck you. (shock collar buzzing)

- That was stupid.

(pensive music)

Big mistake, you mutt.

Big mistake.

- You've been a bad doggy..

You have to get groomed. (Walker muffled groaning)

(shock collar buzzing)

(Walker muffled screaming) - It won't take at all,

little doggy.

This little doggy. (Walker muffled screaming)

(shock collar buzzing) - Baby, baby.

- This little doggy stayed home.

(Walker muffled screaming) (shock collar buzzing)

- If you whisper, then it won't shock you, honey.

That's a boy.

That's a good boy.

You know, Preston

drove by little Kylie's door the other day.

Ooh, wouldn't it be nice to have her join us?

We would have to change her name, Doctor.

Kitty Kylie. (laughing) - (laughing) Yes.

- Oh, that's right, sweetie.

That's right, good boy.

- All right, in you go, Dougie.

All right, great.

Remember, no sharing.

Winston is still being punished, okay?

(Doug barking) Oh, all right,

all right, all right.

All right.

There you go, there you go.

(cage rattling) (pensive music)

Aw.

Dougie, I'm surprised to see you down here.

But the last sea bass.

(Doug munching)

(cage rattling)

(bowl clanking)

- Why'd you do this to me?

- I was just doing what they told me.

- You're not a fucking dog.

That's a shit excuse.

- (scoffing) Look at me, man.

We're in the same fucking cage.

- This is your fault.

You could've warned me.

You could've ran me off the first day, but you didn't.

You tricked me.

You groomed me.

- It's not that simple.

- Oh yeah?

To me, you're no different

than those other sick fucks.

You're even worse.

- I used you, Walker.

And I'm not fucking proud of it.

But I've been like this for six years,

and when you came around,

I saw a way out.

I wanna get the fuck out.

- Then get up and walk away.

You, Mimi,

you both could just leave.

- You can't just walk away from these people.

They own us.

But hey,

you get fed,

you get a house,

and if you're good,

you get a little bit of freedom.

We're just pets, animals.

It doesn't matter if you're wearing a fucking mask or not.

- Your name isn't Doug, is it?

- It is now.

- What was it before?

- Travis.

- It suits you.

Nice to meet you, Trav.

- All right, Winston,

this is the beginning of your transformation.

(phone dinging) (pensive music)

Your former life is over.

Put it out of your mind.

The sooner you do that,

the easier it'll be.

Here, put these on.

Good boy, that's right.

Come on, boy.

For fuck's sake.

(phone dinging)

I'm sorry, but you know there'll be repercussions, dear.

Come on, come on, boy.

(shock collar buzzing) (Walker groaning)

(phone dinging)

(shock collar buzzing) (Walker groaning)

(Walker coughing)

It's not my fault.

(Walker grunting) (phone dinging)

It's not my fault, honey.

You wanna be a good boy, huh?

You wanna get warm,

nice and cozy with mama?

That's right, Dougie.

Come on, baby. (Travis barking)

Come on now.

See, that's what a good dog does.

That's what a good dog does.

Come on, boy.

Come on, baby.

That's a good boy.

That's a good boy.

Mwah, mwah.

That's a good boy.

What the fuck?

Get off my property.

(Travis whimpering)

- You fucking cunt.

What the hell are you doing down here?

Stand up, up.

(lips smacking)

Mm.

You know, we, we all have our kinks,

our little preferences,

and I think I prefer you

without the mask.

I think it's time for another examination.

Mm-hmm.

I'm relatively certain that if I checked your charts.

- Please, no.

- Yes.

Come along then.

Now.

Well, silly head.

Keep shocking yourself with the shock gun. (laughing)

Come on, sweetie, ooh, ooh.

Come on, doggy.

Wanna get outta the cage, into the house.

I'm gonna clean you up.

(pensive music)

(Walker munching)

(phone dinging)

- You ready for a treat?

Maybe a little dog treat?

Hmm?

Soon you'll be joining us at the table.

Aw, really nice puppy.

You're gonna be such a good puppy.

- Are you going to be a good boy?

- You're not worried about Mimi, are you?

Not to worry,

I hate pussycats.

Oh, but I do like pussy.

- Yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah. - You're gonna have

so much fun.

- Oh yeah, you're gonna be such a good puppy.

- I sent a moving company to your apartment today.

The people at Goodwill

are gonna be absolutely obsessed

with your furnishings.

Your landlord seemed a little bit peeved

about you breaking the land lease via email.

But what can you say?

An artist like you moving to the big city,

New York City,

♪ You're gonna be somebody one day ♪

- Winston.

My little Westie.

The transformation is complete.

(Eleanor barking)

That's right, you're a little, sweet, little doggy.

Little, sweet, little puppy.

Yes, that's it, that's it.

Good boy.

Sweetie, you've been advancing so nicely,

and you look so charming in your new clothes.

(gasping) Won't be long until you'll be joining us

at the table.

- [Preston] Does he really have to stay here?

- Watch your tone

or your inheritance will go to the dog.

(glass clinking)

Preston, will you please try to control your pet?

- Mims, come on, come on.

(Mimi hissing) That's it, Mimi.

If you don't behave, then you don't get din-din.

Behave please.

- That stupid cat.

- Sorry, she's being a little feisty

'cause I took her off of wet food.

- You actually need to train your animal.

- You're one to talk, Lachne.

All you do is feed them pills and tear 'em apart.

- I administer medications

and I save lives.

- Couldn't save Pauper.

- Mm, yes.

Well, if you hadn't bashed him in with a nine iron,

we wouldn't be here.

- You're a fucking asshole,

and I wish I fucking ruined you in the divorce.

- Well, you got more than you ever deserved.

- Look at your fucking kitty-kitty.

- She hates you.

- Mimi loves me, okay?

You're just used to sex-crazed muts

that are obsessed with your peanut butter puss-puss.

- Can we just please have one civilized dinner,

like a normal fucking family?

- Nothing about this family is normal.

- If you can't behave yourself

like a good little girl,

you can get outta my fucking house.

(Lachne scoffing)

(food splatting)

Get out,

you ungrateful little bitch.

You go live at the beach house.

I don't wanna see you here ever again.

- Great.

I fucking hate it here anyway.

- Can we just please kill Walker

and end this fucking charade?

I mean, how long are you gonna drag this sick joke out?

- [Eleanor] Shut up.

- Can I please be excused?

- No, you may not.

- Well, I'm excusing myself.

- Well, don't come crawling back here

when you're done with your little piss fit.

I don't wanna see you around here ever again either.

Stay away.

- Well, this is some party.

- Hey.

Hey, Walker.

Walker.

(light music)

Found this in your backpack.

Been holding on to it for you.

Thought you might want it.

You know, I lost someone, too,

long before all this shit.

I still think about him, miss him.

Whatever his life is like now

has gotta (scoffing) be better this shit.

Do you remember that story about Balto?

The one Lachne told you?

That's the Hollywood version.

It's really a story about a dog named Togo

that pulled the sled

for the majority of the journey

and then Balto pulled him over the finish line

so he got the statue out in Central Park.

- Okay, so what?

The strength of the pack is the wolf.

The strength of the wolf is the pack.

(doorbell ringing)

(cicadas chirping) (door clacking and squeaking)

- Um, hi, sorry, I might have,

is this Doug's house?

I'm just looking for Walker.

I think he used to work here with Doug.

- I don't know anyone by those names.

Now get off my property.

- (laughing) Um, okay, sorry to bother you.

Um, do you know if Doug lives around here?

- I'm a busy woman,

I don't have time to be your private investigator.

(door squeaking and clacking)

(wind blowing)

(window knocking)

Bad, bad, bad dog.

You've really done it now.

What were you doing here, huh?

- Just let me. (screaming) (shock collar buzzing)

- After all I've done for you.

What?

Get the fuck up, huh?

Get up.

Now you've done it.

Bad boy.

- Do you know where Walker is?

(Mimi meowing)

- Walker?

Oh my God.

- My dear little Doug,

you've been asking for this

for quite a long time.

See, your attitude has been going downhill

ever since that little Westie arrived.

(Travis whimpering)

And you must know that's a punishable offense.

Don't you remember what happens to bad dogs?

- No, no.

No, no. - They have to be dealt with,

right? - No, no, please.

- That's not how a puppy begs, Doug.

(Travis screaming)

I just wanna make sure you never have the balls

to do that again.

(Travis screaming)

(testicle splatting)

- Oh, pills are upstairs.

- Oh, hurry, get them for Doug.

They're for people.

- Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.

I want to help you.

♪ In this day and take you away ♪

Not where I left you.

Oh well.

(pills rattling)

♪ Mm, then I take you away ♪

- It's okay, sweet boy.

Here comes Dr. Lachne now,

and he's going to stitch you right up.

- Ooh, yes.

Let us get our dear little Douglas

all put back into one piece.

What the fuck?

- What is wrong with you people?

- Who the fuck are you?

- Keep working on him,

he's leaving with us.

- Don't listen to him, you listen to me.

(scoffing) No wonder you wound up here.

(Travis groaning) You probably couldn't

even make it out there on your own.

- He's not on his own.

- (laughing) Well, how fucking sweet.

You found a little tramp to have spaghetti with.

Why don't you two get the fuck off my property

and crawl back into that little shithole

that you came from?

- I'm not leaving without Travis.

- His name is Doug

and he's not leaving here.

(Eleanor screaming)

- Mimi drugged my drugs.

- The shock collar.

(Lachne grunting) (head banging)

- I'm going to find you, I promise.

And I am going to punish you.

(shock collar buzzing) (Eleanor screaming)

Preston will come back from me.

- Maybe he will or maybe he won't,

but I believe the last thing

you said to him was, "Fuck off."

So we'll see what happens.

- Walker.

Walker.

Let's kennel this bitch

- Dougie, you love your mommy.

Please, Dougie. (whimpering)

(cage rattling)

You fucking bitch.

(Eleanor groaning)

(Eleanor screaming) (shock collar buzzing)

(eerie music)

(dog barking)

(cicadas chirping)

(dogs barking)