Original subtitles

HI, EVERYBODY.

HI.

RORY, WERE YOU GUYS JUST PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ALL DAY?

NO.

WE STOPPED TO PEE.

I SCHOOLED YOU!

ONE MORE GAME.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? I'M SUCH A GIRL.

THERE YOU GO.

MOM, JENNA INVITED ME TO SLEEP OVER TONIGHT,

SO I'M GOING TO, OKAY?

THANKS. LOVE YOU. BYE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, MISSY.

ARE JENNA'S PARENTS GONNA BE HOME,

AND WHO ELSE IS GONNA BE THERE?

TAKE IT EASY, SIPOWICZ. IT'S JUST A SLEEPOVER.

YEAH, MOM, IT'S JUST A SLEEPOVER.

C.J., YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS.

OH, NOT THAT I KNOW OF.

OH, GOOD, MOM. YOU'RE HOME.

I NEED YOU TO TAKE ME DRIVING.

OH, HONEY, I JUST WALKED IN THE DOOR.

BUT I NEED MORE PRACTICE BEFORE MY TEST.

I NEED YOU TO TAKE ME NOW.

OKAY, OKAY. I'LL TAKE YOU DRIVING LATER.

SOMETHING FUNNY, DAD?

I DON'T KNOW.

THE THOUGHT OF YOU TEACHING SOMEBODY TO DRIVE

JUST TICKLES ME.

HEY, I'M A GOOD DRIVER.

TELL THAT TO THE DOYLES' MAILBOX.

NOW, NOW, NOW, BE FAIR.

THAT MAILBOX SWERVED IN FRONT OF HER.

YOU KNOW, MOM, MOST OF MY FRIENDS

HAVE NEVER EVEN SEEN AN AIR BAG.

YOU KNOW, RORY, IT SNOWS A LOT IN MICHIGAN.

BESIDES, THERE ARE A LOT OF INDECISIVE SQUIRRELS

ON THE ROAD.

NOT AS MANY AS THERE USED TO BE.

ALL RIGHT, SINCE YOU'RE GOD'S GIFT TO THE AUTOMOBILE,

YOU TAKE KERRY OUT.

OH, FINE BY ME. SHE CAN STILL BE SAVED.

THIS I GOT TO SEE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET A FREE RIDE BACK TO CAMPUS.

BIG PARTY AT MY PAD TONIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU CELEBRATING --

BEING THE OLDEST MAN ON CAMPUS?

YOU KNOW IT, SISTER.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING --

WITH AGE COMES AN APPRECIATION OF EDUCATION,

A MATURITY, IF YOU WILL.

SHOTGUN.

NO!

WELL, KERRY, I HOPE YOU WERE WATCHING CLOSELY.

THAT IS HOW YOU DRIVE A CAR.

WE'RE HOME.

RORY, IT'S HOME.

NO OFFENSE, GRANDPA, BUT CAN YOU SEE?

YOU ALMOST HIT A DOG.

THAT DOG WASN'T ON A LEASH.

HE WAS ON THE SIDEWALK.

AND, GRANDPA, YOU'RE REALLY NOT SUPPOSED

TO BE FLIPPING PEOPLE OFF.

OH, I WAS JUST SIGNALING SOME THUG ON A MOTORCYCLE

TO STOP TAILGATING ME.

GRANDPA, IT'S THE THUG.

LICENSE, PLEASE.

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

OH, WHERE DO I BEGIN?

SPEEDING...

ROLLING THROUGH STOP SIGNS...

FLIPPING ME OFF.

NOW... YOUR LICENSE?

HERE YOU ARE, SIR.

AND REMOVE THE DOLLAR BILL WRAPPED AROUND IT.

WHAT DOLLAR -- OH, OH, OH...

I'M SORRY.

THIS IS AN EXPIRED FLORIDA LICENSE.

IF YOU WANT TO DRIVE IN MICHIGAN,

YOU HAVE TO TAKE OUR DRIVER'S TEST.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

OH, JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU TAKING A DRIVER'S TEST

KIND OF TICKLES ME.

OFFICER, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SQUIRRELS SHE'S KILLED?

LADIES, BABIES, CUTIES, HOW ARE YOU?

MY PARTY, MY PAD -- I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT.

BIG STEVE, WHAT'S UP?

FUNNELS LATER? FOR SURE.

YOU'RE SO COOL, DUDE.

HEY, HEY, WHAT'S THE LADY LOWDOWN, ROOMIE?

HEY, YEAH, SO, YOU SEE, HAILEY OVER THERE --

FRESH OFF A BREAKUP.

I'D GO AFTER HER MYSELF,

BUT I JUST SPOTTED THIS TALENT OUTSIDE.

OH, NICE. THANKS FOR THE TIP, MARTHA.

MMM, "WOUNDED BEAUTY SEEKS SHOULDER TO CRY ON" --

I LIKE IT.

ALL RIGHT, COVER ME.

I'M GONNA RUN TO THE BACK AND DO SOME PUSH-UPS.

WHOA, THERE SHE IS. I GOT TO GET TO WORK.

DUDE, DUDE, THAT'S MY COUSIN.

HEY, I SAW HER FIRST.

HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT HAT? 'CAUSE IT'S COOL.

NO, IT'S NOT. FIVE PEOPLE SAID IT WAS.

WHERE ARE THEY? THEY LEFT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU WERE PRINTING FLYERS OFF OUR COMPUTER?

WELL, I KIND OF SAW IT AND SHOWED IT TO MY FRIENDS,

AND WE DECIDED TO SURPRISE YOU, SO, SURPRISE!

SURPRISE! LEAVE.

OH, MY GOD, WHO'S THAT? HE'S SO ASHTON KUTCHER.

JAILBAIT, I'M TALKING TO YOU GUYS.

LOOK, I'M TAKING YOU BACK TO JENNA'S RIGHT NOW.

HAILEY, MEET C.J.

YOUR HEAD, MY SHOULDER -- TELL ME SECRETS.

AND YOU, STAY AWAY FROM MY ROOMMATE ERIC.

HE'S AFTER ONE THING. HE'S A PIG.

Hailey: C.J.? JUST A SECOND.

I HAVE TO GO BEFORE SHE GETS HER SELF-ESTEEM BACK.

HOW CAN I HELP?

THESE TWO GIRLS IN THE BATHROOM --

THEY TOLD ME THAT MY EX WAS HOOKING UP WITH THEM

THE SAME TIME HE WAS DATING ME!

WAIT -- YOU'RE TELLING ME

THERE'S TWO OTHER HURT GIRLS HERE

NOW IN MY BATHROOM?

WHAT, DID I RUB A MAGIC LAMP OR SOMETHING?

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING?

I FEEL LIKE GETTING EVEN,

LIKE HOOKING UP WITH THE FIRST JERK I MEET.

TECHNICALLY, THAT'S ME.

HOLD ON ONE SECOND, AND, PLEASE, DON'T CHEER UP.

IS THAT BEER IN THOSE CUPS, CHILDREN?

C.J., FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT DRINKING BEER.

HAND OVER THEM CUPS

IN CASE YOU PLAN ON SPIKING THEM LATER.

SPIKING THEM? WHAT'S THAT?

NICE TRY, BOOZY SUZY -- CUPS.

SODIE POP.

DIET SODIE POP.

CRAN-RASPBERRY.

OW! HOT COFFEE!

COULD HAVE WARNED ME.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

HAILEY IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME RIGHT NOW, OKAY?

STAY HERE, BEHAVE, AND STAY AWAY FROM SLEAZY ERIC.

HEY, DUDE. YO.

WHERE WERE WE?

OKAY, YOU WERE GONNA GET EVEN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND,

AND HE'S OUT OF STATE, I HOPE?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GOING TO HAVE ONE WILD NIGHT, JUST LIKE HE DID.

HOW WILD?

I MEAN, SHOULD I STRETCH?

OH!

NO!

C.J., YOU JUST GOT BEER ALL OVER MY NEW SHOES!

SO, IT WAS BEER! IT WAS?

JOSIE, YOU AND THE PUSSYCATS ARE OUT OF HERE.

Call me.

Kerry: SORRY, MOM.

I'D HELP YOU, BUT I GOT TO KEEP STUDYING THE MANUAL.

DAD, WHY AREN'T YOU STUDYING?

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN DRIVING FOR OVER 50 YEARS!

HAVE YOU? I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, GRANDPA, YOU STILL NEED TO STUDY.

A LOT'S CHANGED SINCE YOU FIRST GOT YOUR LICENSE.

LIKE WHAT?

YOU CAN'T SHOOT BUFFALOES FROM YOUR CAR ANYMORE.

AND THEY HAVE ENGINES NOW.

THEY'RE NOT FOOT-POWERED, LIKE THE FLINTSTONES'.

OH, A FAMILY FULL OF COMEDIANS.

I FEEL LIKE I'M SITTING HERE WITH RED BUTTONS

AND JACK OAKIE.

TOPICAL.

OKAY, GRANDPA, LET'S TEST YOU OUT.

TRUE OR FALSE -- HONK YOUR HORN

TO SHOW OTHER DRIVERS WHEN THEY MAKE A MISTAKE.

TRUE. FALSE.

HONKING MAY UPSET THEM SO MUCH,

THEY MAKE MORE MISTAKES.

WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. HOW ARE THEY GONNA LEARN?

DAD, YOU ARE SO TAKING THE BUS.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

I AM OUT OF HERE -- GO READ MY PAPER IN PEACE.

NO, WAIT. OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THERE'S A FUNERAL PROCESSION?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS.

HOW WELL DID I KNOW THE DECEASED?

GRANDPA, YOU DON'T KNOW THEM AT ALL.

THEN TO HELL WITH THEM.

HEY, MOM. HI, BRIDG.

HOW WAS JENNA'S LAST NIGHT? DID YOU GIRLS HAVE FUN?

YEAH, YEAH, IT WAS FINE.

WE JUST WENT TO GO SEE A BORING MOVIE.

OH. WHAT MOVIE DID YOU SEE?

YOU KNOW, IT WAS SO BORING, I DON'T REMEMBER.

YOU KNOW, YOU ONLY DON'T REMEMBER MOVIES

WHEN YOU'RE WITH A GUY.

SO, UH...

WHO WAS IN IT?

UM, YEAH, UM...

THAT WAS IN THE...

MONKEYS.

THERE ARE NO MONKEY MOVIES CURRENTLY PLAYING.

I THINK I WOULD KNOW.

THANKS, RORY.

SHE FOOLED ME.

RORY, WOULD YOU TAKE THIS DOWN TO THE BASEMENT, PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT, BRIDGET,

YOU AND I HAVE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

LITTLE WEIRD, BUT, WHATEVER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SOCK, YOU LITTLE PERV?

NOTHING.

I JUST FIND IT INTERESTING AND, WELL, ODD,

THAT IT SMELLS EXACTLY LIKE...BEER.

WHAT?!

GIVE ME THAT.

OH, MY GOD, BRIDGET, IT DOES SMELL LIKE BEER.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

UH, YOU KNOW, IT'S THIS NEW BEER PERFUME --

THE GUYS LOVE IT.

NICE TRY. I WAS YOUR AGE ONCE.

I INVENTED BEER PERFUME AND MONKEY MOVIES.

YOU MEAN WE'RE RICH?

I WANT THE TRUTH NOW.

IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS FLYER

PRINTED OFF OUR COMPUTER.

"C.J.'s BEER BASH"...

BEER ON BRIDGET'S SOCK...

BEER BASH...

SOCK.

IF ONLY WE KNEW WHO THIS C.J. FELLOW WAS.

RORY, LAUNDRY.

NO, RORY HAPPY.

SO, THIS IS WHERE YOU WERE LAST NIGHT --

C.J.'s COLLEGE PARTY, WHERE THEY WERE SERVING BEER?!

YOU WERE THERE? OH, MY GOD.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING. I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

BRIDGET?

YES, I WENT. I DIDN'T DRINK.

YES, BUT YOU LIED STRAIGHT TO MY FACE.

YOU ARE GROUNDED, YOUNG LADY.

Rory: TAKE AWAY HER CELLPHONE, TOO!

SHUT UP, MONKEY-MOVIE LOVER! THIS IS UNFAIR.

I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER --

I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.

END OF DISCUSSION -- NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!

AND YOU CANNOT HAVE THAT CELLPHONE, EITHER!

Rory: SWEET!

WELL, I'M GONNA SKIDOODLE WHILE I'VE GOT SOME --

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT THIS, C.J., HUH?

YOU HEARD HER LIE STRAIGHT TO MY FACE

ABOUT GOING TO JENNA'S.

YOU KNEW THAT SHE WAS NOT SUPPOSED

TO BE AT THAT PARTY.

LOOK, SHE JUST SHOWED UP, AND THEN SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE.

THERE WAS A SMOKING HOT GIRL AFTER ME,

AND I BLEW HER OFF TO KEEP AN EYE ON THAT ONE.

YOU CALL THAT RESPONSIBLE?

IN MY DEFENSE, YOU DIDN'T SEE HOW HOT SHE WAS.

THAT'S IT, C.J. I'VE HAD IT.

YOU KNOW, EVERY TIME MY CHILDREN ARE WITH YOU,

THEY GET INTO TROUBLE,

AND I JUST CAN'T LET IT SLIDE ANYMORE.

YOU --

YOU'RE BANISHED.

WHAT?

WHAT, ARE WE GOING BACK TO THE MIDDLE AGES?

YOU'RE SERIOUS? UH-HUH.

I JUST THINK WE WILL ALL BE BETTER OFF

IF YOU DON'T COME AROUND THIS HOUSE FOR A WHILE.

WELL, HOW LONG IS "A WHILE"?

A DAY?

TWO?

LONGER?

FINE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T NEED THIS DUMMY HOUSE.

I WON'T BOTHER YOU ANYMORE.

I DON'T NEED TO BE HANGING OUT WITH A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS,

AND I CERTAINLY HAVE MUCH MORE MATURE FRIENDS

AT SCHOOL!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, MOM?!

I'M ACTUALLY GETTING MY LICENSE TODAY --

NO MORE EMBARRASSING RIDES IN THE MINIVAN WITH YOU.

I'LL MISS THEM, TOO, HONEY. DAD, HOW ABOUT YOU?

YOU HAPPY TO GET YOUR LICENSE BACK?

YEP -- NO MORE EMBARRASSING RIDES IN THE MINIVAN WITH YOU.

OH, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S C.J.

JUST LET THE MACHINE PICK UP.

Hey, it's C.J. again.

Anybody there?

Aunt Cate? Bridgie?

Kerry? Rory?

Grampy, if you're there, limp over and pick up.

I hope you guys aren't screening my calls,

standing around, staring at the phone.

That'd be embarrassing.

Seriously, no one's there?

Okay. Bye.

MOM, PLEASE LET HIM COME BACK.

I MISS HAVING A WORTHY VIDEO-GAME OPPONENT.

GRANDPA'S REFLEXES ARE SHOT.

NO.

OH, COME ON, MOM.

IT WAS LIKE HAVING A FAMILY PET IN A GIANT HUMAN SUIT.

NO.

NOT AFTER HE WAS SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE ON BRIDGET.

YEAH, LIKE THAT WAS THE FIRST COLLEGE PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO.

EXPLAIN, PLEASE.

OKAY, WE WENT TO THE PARTY UNINVITED,

AND C.J. TRIED TO GET US TO LEAVE, BUT --

BUT YOU CANNOT REGROUND ME,

BECAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT.

WELL, C.J. HAD TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS.

HE JUST HAD TO. HIS NAME KEEPS COMING UP.

DAD, BACK ME UP.

DID I OVERREACT?

WELL, I DO MISS HAVING SOMEONE TO SWING MY CANE AT.

OH, NOT AGAIN.

Oh, aunt Cate, I forgot one thing.

I "wuv" you.

Seriously, you're not there?

All right, bye.

OKAY, YOU MAY BEGIN.

PLEASE BRING YOUR TEST TO ME WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED.

GOOD LUCK.

I'LL BE FINE.

Psst.

Psst.

Ow! What are you doing?

Just, uh, let me take a peek.

What? No way.

Well, just give me the answer to number 1...

and 2.

Come to think of it, 3 is a mind bender.

Grandpa, I'm not cheating.

NO TALKING DURING THE TEST, PLEASE.

YEAH, THAT'S JUST WHAT I WAS TELLING HER.

Hey.

I said no.

Oh, stop being such a goody-two-shoes.

I'll buy you a car.

Now you're bribing me?

Grandpa, I told you a million times to study.

HEY, I THOUGHT I SAID NO TALKING!

DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE, UH, OUT DOING LAUNDRY.

YEAH, AND ALL THE MACHINES ARE FULL.

I'M JUST GONNA GO COMMANDO FOR A WHILE.

WHAT'S WITH THE DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS?

OH, YOU GOT A CHICK HERE, DUDE?

SCORE.

ERIC, YOUR BATHROOM IS DIS--

FLAG ON THE PLAY!

C.J., I CAME BY BECAUSE I MISSED YOU.

LIE ONE -- YOU CAME BY TO SEE HIM.

AND, DUDE, I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY.

YOU SAID YOU WERE DOING LAUNDRY. SO WHO'S THE LIAR NOW?

C.J., DON'T TELL MY MOM, PLEASE. SHE'LL KILL ME.

OF COURSE I'M NOT! WE GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE!

C.J., IT'S AUNT CATE.

BATHROOM. BUT IT'S GROSS.

HIDE. YOU, TOO -- GO.

HEY, AUNT CATE.

OH, DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO YOUR HAIR?

IT LOOKS GREAT.

UM, LOOK, C.J., I JUST WANTED TO, UH,

YOU KNOW, I MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE HARD ON YOU,

AND IT JUST GOT ME TO THINKING...

APOLOGY ACCEPTED. I'LL WALK YOU OUT.

NO, I WASN'T NECESSARILY GOING TO APOLOGIZE.

YOU SEE, I'M A SINGLE MOM NOW.

AND YOU SHOULD BE CIRCULATING. I'LL WALK YOU OUT.

AND BECAUSE I'M A SINGLE MOM,

I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.

I-I NEED YOU TO BE ON MY SIDE

AND TELL ME WHEN MY KIDS ARE LYING TO ME.

YOU MEAN RAT THEM OUT? COME ON.

I'M LIKE THEIR COOL OLDER COUSIN.

UH...NO, YOU'RE NOT.

AND, C.J., I JUST CAN'T HAVE YOU HELPING BRIDGET

TO SNEAK AROUND.

I'M KIND OF COOL.

I MEAN, I'M NOT LIKE BIG STEVE,

BUT WHEN I GOT THE HAT CROOKED, IT ACTUALLY WORKS.

LOOK, BRIDGET IS 17 GOING ON 25,

AND SHE IS BOUND TO GET INTO SOME TROUBLE.

YOU COULD BE RESPONSIBLE.

OKAY, SO, LET'S SAY SHE WAS HERE IN THE BATHROOM

WITH A GUY OR SOMETHING --

THAT'S SOMETHING YOU'D WANT TO KNOW?

OH, OH, YEAH.

THAT IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING YOU SHOULD TELL ME.

IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

WHAT?!

BRIDGET, GET OUT HERE THIS SECOND!

BRIDGET!

MOM, YOU SHOULD HAVE BANISHED C.J.

HE'S A TERRIBLE INFLUENCE.

WHEN I GOT HOME, SHE WAS ALREADY HERE.

YOU ARE SO UNCOOL.

I'M KIND OF COOL.

HEY, UH, WE WERE JUST CLEANING.

BRIDGET, WHAT IS A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL DOING

IN A COLLEGE BOY'S ROOM?

17?

WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

YEAH, MOM, IS THERE A RULE AGAINST ME SEEING FRIENDS?

ERIC IS A VERY NICE GUY AND VERY SMART.

TELL HER ABOUT THE TOILETS IN AUSTRALIA.

OH, YEAH, WELL, WHEN YOU FLUSH,

THE WATER SWIRLS THE OTHER WAY.

FOR THAT?

IF I MAY, THIS WILL GO OVER BIG.

SO, ERIC, YOU GUYS ARE BUDDIES. THAT'S AWESOME.

CAN YOU TELL US THREE THINGS BRIDGET'S INTERESTED IN...

BESIDES HERSELF?

YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T NAME ONE THING

AFTER ALL OUR PHONE CONVERSATIONS?

HOW CAN I BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH,

YOU JERK?!

AND YOU PROBABLY LIED ABOUT THE MAGIC TOILETS

IN AUSTRALIA.

BRIDGET, GO HOME. WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER.

ALL RIGHT, PROBLEM SOLVED?

THANKS, C.J.

THANKS, C.J. I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL.

I'M KIND OF COOL, DAMN IT!

WHATEVER. I LET YOU CRASH HERE.

NOW PACK UP YOUR CRAP AND GET OUT.

FINE, I'M MOVING BACK IN WITH AUNT CATE! OH, NO, NO.

YEAH, I'M GONNA GET MY STUFF AND GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, NO, UH... I'LL SEND FOR IT.

LET'S GO.

IT'S FUN. I DON'T KNOW.

I PROMISE THIS WILL BE TEMPORARY, AUNT CATE.

I'LL GET ON THE APARTMENT WAITING LIST TOMORROW.

WELL, HOW LONG IS "TEMPORARY"?

A DAY?

TWO?

LONGER?

YES, YOU'RE BACK. IT'S GO TIME.

OH, I'M GONNA SMOKE YOU, DUDE.

WAIT, DID YOU CLEAN YOUR ROOM?

NO.

UPSTAIRS.

AND CLEAN BEHIND YOUR EARS AND SAY SOME PRAYERS.

OH, PLEASE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SICKENING ABOUT IT.

HEY, MOM, DON'T GROUND ME, PLEASE.

I'M NOT.

OH, WOW. IT WORKED.

MOM, GIVE ME $20, PLEASE.

BRIDGET, TOMORROW AFTERNOON,

YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME GARDEN AND CLEAN THE RAIN GUTTERS.

MOM, WHAT ABOUT MY NAILS?

YEAH, YOU MIGHT WANNA CUT THOSE BACK.

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

HEY, I JUST REALIZED WHAT "C.J." STANDS FOR --

BENEDICT ARNOLD.

THAT WOULD REALLY HURT IF IT MADE SENSE AT ALL.

BRIDGET, YOU MUST BELIEVE ME -- I KNOW IT'S HARD --

BUT I DID WHAT I DID BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.

C.J...

BRIDGET, NAILS.

NAILS, BRIDGET! GET UPSTAIRS!

YOUR NAILS -- CUT THEM DOWN!

SEE, I'M MORE ADULT ALREADY.

YOU SEE, C.J., THIS IS WHAT I MEAN

ABOUT NEEDING ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.

THIS IS JUST REALLY... REALLY HARD.

MY DAUGHTER JUST ENDED UP AT SOME COLLEGE WITH --

WITH A GUY, AND I WAS CLUELESS.

WHAT KIND OF PARENT IS THAT?

WELL, IF IT MATTERS,

I HAD TWO PARENTS GROWING UP,

AND YOU COULD RUN CIRCLES AROUND BOTH OF THEM

ON YOUR WORST DAY.

YOU'RE A GREAT MOM.

YOU REALLY THINK SO?

BUT YOU'RE ONLY GONNA GET IT OUT OF ME ONCE.

I AM GONNA GO GET SETTLED.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, NEW DRIVER.

I FAILED!

I PASSED.

WELL, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. YOU FAILED, AND YOU PASSED?

I FAILED BECAUSE OF HIM!

THE TEACHER BUSTED ME FOR TALKING

WHEN I WAS TELLING GRANDPA TO STOP CHEATING OFF ME!

NOW I HAVE TO WAIT TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN!

WELL, YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY HARDER THIS TIME.

OH, AND I SUPPOSE YOU PASSED

BECAUSE YOU'RE A WORLD-CLASS DRIVER.

WELL, I GUESS THIS PROVES IT.

DO YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT ONE LOOKS LIKE?

OHH!

WELL, LOOK AT THAT GRIN ON YOUR FACE,

YOU CHILD.

WELL, TRY TO WIPE IT OFF.

C.J.'s MOVING BACK IN THE BASEMENT WITH YOU.

YOU'RE BLUFFING.

IS THAT GRAMPY I HEAR?

UHH!

IT'S ME AND YOU, BUDDY, BACK IN THE BASEMENT --

ROOMIES --

WE'RE GONNA TELL STORIES AND STAY UP LATE.