Original subtitles

GOOD MORNING.

HEY, WELCOME TO THE CLUB.

WHAT CLUB?

THE "TO HELL WITH EVERYONE,

LET'S SLEEP TILL NOON" CLUB.

WANT TO GO OUT FOR BREAKFAST

AND MAKE FUN OF THE LOSERS HAVING LUNCH?

FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

I WORKED ALL NIGHT AT THE HOSPITAL.

OH, RIGHT, YOU'RE NEW.

TRUST ME, EVENTUALLY THE NEED

TO JUSTIFY SLEEPING THE DAY AWAY LEAVES ENTIRELY.

UH-HUH.

WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO'S FINALLY AWAKE.

I WAS UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING.

I WAS TALKING TO CATE.

RIGHT, SHE'S NOT EVEN DRESSED.

NO, LOOK, I WAS WORKING AT THE --

OH, FORGET IT!

WELL, WE FINALLY HAVE SOME FOOD IN THE HOUSE.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE ONE OF THE NURSES

WORKING THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT?

HONEY, IT IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT TO SAY THAT

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A HOSPITAL.

OKAY, THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE

ONE OF THE "HEALTHCARE PROVIDERS"

WORKING THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT?

WELL, WITH ALL THE CUTBACKS,

I JUST FEEL LIKE IT'S RISKY TO GIVE UP ANY ROTATIONS.

MOM, YOU'RE NO FUN ANYMORE.

I'M FUN!

WHY, JUST YESTERDAY I MADE THOSE ENGLISH-MUFFIN PIZZAS.

YEAH, YOU'RE A REGULAR "MOMS GONE WILD."

LOOK, YOU GUYS THINK I LIKE WORKING THIS MUCH?

I'M REALLY TORN UP ABOUT THIS.

WELL, DON'T STRESS, BABY GIRL,

YOU GOT TWO STRONG MEN HERE TO HELP CARRY THE LOAD.

RIGHT, RORY?

YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY DO NEED SOMEBODY

TO GIVE KERRY A DRIVING LESSON.

OH, WELL, RORY CAN HANDLE THAT.

OH, COME ON, CATE, DO I HAVE TO?

I MEAN, KERRY IS MEAN.

I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH RAW, NAKED HOSTILITY SINCE...

WELL, YOU KNOW.

THE KOREAN WAR?

NO, YOUR MOTHER.

LISTEN, KERRY'S BRAND OF INTIMIDATION

MAY WORK ON BILLY GOAT GRUFF OVER THERE,

BUT SHE DON'T SCARE ME.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING. HEY, YOU LOOK NICE TODAY.

MOM, RACHEL'S COMING OVER.

RACHEL? RACHEL SHARP?

YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

NOTHING, IT'S JUST SHE HASN'T BEEN OVER IN A REAL LONG TIME.

I KNOW, SHE SAYS SHE FEELS

LIKE A THIRD WHEEL WITH ME AND KYLE.

IT'S NOT FUN.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN WITH A GUY AND A GIRL,

AND THEY LOOK AT ME LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

IT SUCKS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CHICK'S MY GIRLFRIEND.

OH, C.J.!

RACHEL DESERVES A GUY WHO APPRECIATES HER.

WHOA!

OOH!

JUST SAYING -- I'M GOING OUT WITH MISSY, REMEMBER?

YEAH, BUT WHO CAN RESIST AN OLDER WOMAN WITH EXPERIENCE?

I CAN. IT GETS EASIER EVERY DAY.

I SAID I'M NOT INTERESTED IN RACHEL.

GRANDPA, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK?

I HAVE TO MEMORIZE THE AMENDMENTS.

OH, THAT'S SMART.

GET SOMEONE WHO WAS THERE WHEN THEY WERE WRITTEN.

I JUST HOPE JENNA DOESN'T DRIVE RACHEL OVER.

SHE'S SO ANNOYING, SELFISH, SUPERFICIAL,

OBSESSED WITH HER LOOKS AND HOW MANY GUYS LIKE HER,

TALKS ENDLESSLY ABOUT THINGS NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT.

WHO WANTS TO BE AROUND SOMEONE LIKE THAT?

AND THAT, RORY, IS WHY ME AND THE GUYS

PUT IN THE FIFTH AMENDMENT.

RORY LOVES RACHEL.

RORY LOVES RACHEL.

I DO NOT!

CAN YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND SAY THAT?

IF I BEND MY KNEES.

YOU SO LOVE RACHEL. I KNOW I'M RIGHT.

NO, YOU'RE -- OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I AM?

I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. SHE'S SORT OF MY PERFECT WOMAN.

SHE'S NICE, SMART,

PRETTY, EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT...

WHICH MAKES HER EVEN PRETTIER.

GOD, THAT'S WHAT MOM ALWAYS SAYS ABOUT ME.

YEAH, BUT I MEAN IT.

OH, GOD, YOU WON'T SAY ANYTHING TO HER, WILL YOU?

NO, WHY WOULD I?

PROMISE.

LOOK, IT WOULD EMBARRASS YOU, IT WOULD EMBARRASS HER,

AND FRANKLY, I'M MORE THAN A LITTLE GROSSED OUT BY IT.

THANKS.

OUT!

DOOR!

RACH, YOU WANT A LAUGH?

BRIDGET, DANIELLE CALLED.

OH, SHE'S SO ANNOYING, SELFISH, SUPERFICIAL...

OBSESSED WITH HER LOOKS, WITH BOYS,

TALKS TOO MUCH, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

BRIDGET, WHEN YOU POINT YOUR FINGER AT SOMEONE,

THERE'S THREE POINTING BACK AT YOU, SEE?

NO, GRANDPA, NO ONE'S POINTING AT YOU.

NO, NO, NO, WHAT I'M SAYING

IS WHEN YOU POINT YOUR FINGER AT SOMEONE,

THERE ARE THREE FINGERS POINTING BACK AT YOU.

GO ON, TRY IT.

HEY, IT WORKS.

WELL, YEAH, NOW THAT ALL THREE OF YOU ARE POINTING AT ME.

NO, YOU DON'T -- OH, FORGET IT!

MOM, RACHEL'S ON HER WAY OVER.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR VISITORS?

NO, IT'S NOT.

OOH!

LOOK, NOW THAT I HAVE YOU ALL HERE,

I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO DISCUSS.

THIS CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY.

IT IS A RECEIPT FOR A DEPOSIT

THAT YOUR FATHER PUT DOWN ON THE CABIN AT THE LAKE.

HE MADE THE RESERVATION OVER A YEAR AGO.

DAD LOVED THE CABIN AT THE LAKE.

YEAH.

IT'S THE FIRST YEAR WITHOUT HIM.

YEAH, AND THIS IS DIFFICULT FOR ME.

WITH ALL THE EXTRA HOURS THAT I'M TAKING AT THE HOSPITAL,

I JUST DON'T THINK THAT WE SHOULD SPEND

YOUR SPRING BREAK AT THE CABIN.

AND I KNOW THIS IS GONNA BRING UP A LOT OF EMOTIONS,

SO I'D LIKE TO SUGGEST A VOTE.

YES OR NO...

NO! NO! NO!

...ANONYMOUSLY.

OKAY, LET'S DO IT THAT WAY NOW.

REMEMBER THOSE CAR RIDES TO THE CABIN?

NO RADIO ALLOWED.

YEAH, DAD GETTING ALL RUSTIC. EW!

DAD SINGING "I'M JUST A POOR, WAYFARING STRANGER"

ALL THE WAY.

WOULD YOU RATHER IT WAS "100 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL"?

YES, ANYTHING SHORTER.

LOOK, YOU GUYS, IS THIS OKAY WITH YOU?

YES! YES! YES!

COULD I JUST FINISH MY SENTENCE?

I MEAN, THE CABIN AT THE LAKE

IS A LONG-STANDING HENNESSY FAMILY TRADITION,

AND I JUST REALLY THINK WE SHOULD TAKE THE TIME

TO THINK ABOUT THIS, TO BE SURE.

NO. NO. NO.

OKAY, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW,

IT'S THE END OF AN ERA.

SO, IN THE SPIRIT OF MOVING ON,

CAN BRIDGET AND I GO TO THE MAEVE FESTIVAL?

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A CELEBRATION OF THE CELTIC GODDESS MAEVE,

WHICH OF COURSE IS VERY SIGNIFICANT

TO SOMEONE NAMED HENNESSY.

SHE MEANS ME -- TONS OF GUYS THINK I'M A GODDESS.

ANYWAY, IT'S A 3-DAY CULTURAL GATHERING

TO EMBRACE THE ONENESS OF HUMANITY.

YOU SAID THERE'D BE ROCK BANDS.

OH, NO, NO, NO, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO A ROCK FESTIVAL.

DAMN STRAIGHT. TELL 'EM ABOUT WOODSTOCK, CATE.

DAD!

C.J.'S MOM WENT TO WOODSTOCK

AND DID A LOT OF SILLY THINGS...

IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT TENTS.

MY EARS ARE BURNING.

IS SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT ME?

FREE LOVE, MY ASS. HE'S NEVER STOPPED COSTING US.

OKAY, BUT THE MAEVE FESTIVAL IS MORE THAN A ROCK FESTIVAL.

IT'S A SPIRITUAL EVENT.

IT JUST ATTRACTS A BAD ELEMENT.

OOH, BAD ELEMENT? MAYBE I'LL GO.

DON'T HELP US.

AUNT CATE, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

WHY DON'T I CHAPERONE THESE TWO, AND YOU CAN PAY ME?

C.J., TACO/BURRITO CONVERSATION --

"NACHOS."

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GO,

AND I'VE BEEN TO MORE FESTIVALS THAN I CAN COUNT.

I'VE MET BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN,

BOB DYLAN, NEIL YOUNG.

I'VE DROPPED SOME PRETTY HEAVY NAMES.

I'M GONNA PAUSE AND LET YOU PICK THEM UP.

MOM, GIVE US ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU DON'T WANT US THERE.

OH, ACTUALLY, I'LL GIVE YOU THREE --

SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK 'N' ROLL.

SOLD!

WELL, WHY CAN'T WE GO IF C.J. GETS TO GO?

BECAUSE I SAID SO!

BURRITO FINITO!

OH!

MOM, THIS ISN'T FAIR.

I SAID NOT ANOTHER WORD.

MOM, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.

SINCE DAD LEFT, THE MUSIC'S GONE OUT OF OUR LIVES,

AND WE THOUGHT WE COULD RECAPTURE THAT MUSIC

BY GOING TO THE MAEVE FESTIVAL.

OH, BRIDG...

THAT'S THE MOST MOVING CROCK I'VE EVER HEARD.

WHAT?!

WHAT HAPPENED?

I SAID IT ALL RIGHT.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WELL UP HERE.

OH, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

MOM, CAN'T YOU BE REASONABLE?

LET US GO ON OUR JOURNEY.

OH, YOU'RE GOING ON A JOURNEY, ALL RIGHT,

BUT YOU'RE GONNA START YOUR SPIRITUAL QUEST

VISITING GRANDMA IN SARASOTA.

HOW IS VISITING GRANDMA SPIRITUAL?

YOU KNOW, FOR LOTS OF PEOPLE,

SARASOTA IS THE LAST STOP BEFORE HEAVEN.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GRAND SNAPPY?

YOU KNOW WHAT, C.J.?

OH, HE'S RIGHT.

COME ON, YOU HAVEN'T VISITED GRANDMA IN A LONG TIME.

WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A LONG TIME, EITHER.

YOU DON'T HEAR ME COMPLAINING.

HERE'S THE DEAL -- I AM NOT GONNA LET YOU JUST HANG OUT

AROUND THE HOUSE FOR A WEEK.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A FUN, SAFE VACATION.

HOW COME RORY DOESN'T HAVE TO GO VISIT GRANDMA?

RORY IS GONNA BE WITH GRANDPA.

THEY'RE GONNA GO TO THE TIGERS GAME EVERY NIGHT.

WHAT?!

HEY, GIRLS, ENCHILADA PIÑATA!

BUT, MOM, PLEASE --

YOU ARE GOING TO GRANDMA'S. THAT'S FINAL.

LIKE YOU EVER HAD A CHANCE OTHERWISE.

OH, SPEAKING OF NEVER HAVING A CHANCE,

HERE COMES YOUR PERFECT WOMAN.

YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL!

I MAY HAVE TOLD BRIDGET, BUT I DIDN'T TELL RACHEL.

IT'S NO BETRAYAL.

HI, BRIDGET! HI, KERRY!

HI, RORY!

HOUSTON, WE HAVE BETRAYAL.

DAD, WHAT HAPPENED?

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH YOUR MOTHER.

YOU BETTER SIT DOWN.

OH, MY GOD, IS SHE --

A TRAMP, YES!

SHE'S SHACKING UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND PACO.

OH, THANK GOD, I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING...

EVEN MORE TERRIBLE THAN THAT.

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I MEAN, HE'S LIVING THERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SPELLS --

HANKY-PANKY.

HANKY-PANKY?

UH, DAD, NOBODY SAYS "HANKY-PANKY" ANYMORE.

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY "NOOKY" IN FRONT OF A LADY.

ACTUALLY NOBODY SAYS "NOOKY" ANYMORE, EITHER.

THAT'S RIGHT, CATE,

EUPHEMISMS ARE MY BIG PROBLEM RIGHT NOW.

SORRY.

WELL, I'M CONCERNED.

YOUR MOTHER'S DEVELOPED A HISTORY

OF JUMPING FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT.

BUT, DAD, SHE WAS MARRIED TO YOU FOR ALMOST 50 YEARS.

AND NOW SHE'S WITH PACO.

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT SEES A PATTERN HERE?

YOU KNOW, NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.

WHEN I CALLED TO SET UP THE GIRLS' TRAVEL PLANS,

SHE NEVER EVEN MENTIONED IT.

WELL, I FOUND OUT BY ACCIDENT.

I CALLED HER CONDO,

AND THIS BIG, HUSKY, TRUCK-DRIVER VOICE ANSWERED.

PACO?

NO, YOUR MOTHER. PAY ATTENTION.

SORRY.

WELL, I WAS TALKING TO HER.

SERGIO MENDEZ ASKED HER WHERE SHE PUT HIS SPEEDOS.

SPEEDOS? PACO IS 82.

THIS STORY JUST KEEPS GETTING UGLIER.

OH, BLECH!

HEY, I'M OFF TO THE MAEVE.

THREE DAYS OF SUN, FUN, AND COMMUNAL BATHING.

EXCEPT THIS TIME, I WON'T BE THE ONLY ONE NAKED.

LOOK AT THIS --

"GIRLS, I'M WITH THE BAND."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

I CAN'T GO IN. RACHEL'S OVER AGAIN.

OH, YEAH.

HEY, DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER,

BUT WORD AROUND CAMPUS IS KERRY WANTS TO APOLOGIZE.

TELL HER I'M NOT TALKING TO HER.

HEY, WHOA.

LOOK, THE THING IS, I'M NOT REALLY A MESSENGER.

ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE SOME FEELERS OUT,

SO KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED.

DON'T YOU GET IT? SHE HUMILIATED ME.

I CAN'T SHOW MY FACE AROUND RACHEL AGAIN.

WHY, 'CAUSE A GIRL FOUND OUT YOU LIKE HER?

DUDE, IT HAPPENS.

IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CAUGHT YOU KISSING HER DOORKNOB.

WHO'D DO THAT?

NO ONE.

NOW, YOU KNOW I WOULD'VE DRIVEN YOU TO THE AIRPORT,

BUT I GOT CALLED IN FOR WORK.

MOM, IT'S OKAY. KYLE'S GLAD TO DO IT.

ALL RIGHT. NOW, HAVE FUN AT GRANDMA'S.

I'M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH!

I MISS YOU ALREADY.

I MISS YOU MORE.

WELL...BYE!

OKAY.

SEE YA.

BYE!

YOU AND YOUR MOM ARE SO CLOSE! THAT WAS SO --

OH, GOD, SO WE'RE GOING TO THE MAEVE FESTIVAL.

OKAY, BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MOM FINDS OUT?

OH, SHE DOESN'T EVER HAVE TO FIND OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

WHAT I'M THINKING IS ALL WE HAVE TO DO

IS COME UP WITH A PLAN.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING?

YEAH, I CAME UP WITH THE HARD PART.

YOU GOT SOMETHING BETTER?

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GUYS WANT TO GO.

I HEAR IT'S A GATHERING OF MILITANT,

HAIRY-LEGGED, MAN-HATING FEMINISTS.

OH, GREAT, KERRY, IT'S GONNA BE ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

OKAY, SO WE DON'T GO.

SHOULD WE TELL C.J.?

TELL C.J. WHAT?

GRANDPA, YOU COULD KNOCK.

I DID -- MY KNEES.

THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO TALK TO YOU GIRLS ABOUT

THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

ME, TOO?

TACO BURRITO, SCRAM-O.

OKAY, WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?

A RATHER BIG SUBJECT

THAT YOU MAY BE FAMILIAR WITH -- BETRAYAL.

OH, GOD, GRANDPA, YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE TO RORY?

NO, I WANT YOU TO KEEP PACO AWAY FROM GRANDMA.

WHAT?

KERRY, I'M APPEALING TO YOU AS A CONCERNED FAMILY MEMBER.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO MANIPULATE.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO TAKE SIDES.

WELL, I WON'T DO IT.

ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH. BRIDGET, HOW ABOUT YOU?

YOU LIKE ME BETTER THAN YOU DO GRANDMA, RIGHT?

I LIKE YOU BETTER THAN KERRY.

FINE, WHATEVER.

AH, GREAT!

YOU KNOW, IT'S BEAUTIFUL WHEN FAMILIES PULL TOGETHER.

DOOR!

GET IT YOURSELF.

OKAY, SO ARE YOU GONNA APOLOGIZE TO RORY?

I MEAN, HE IS FEELING PRETTY BAD.

HE WON'T TALK TO ME.

I DON'T BLAME HIM!

YOU'RE MEAN AND GOSSIP ALL THE TIME.

ME?! YOU USE IT LIKE CURRENCY!

UM, YOU'RE CONFUSING SITUATIONS

WHERE I TAKE EVENTS THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO PEOPLE

TO POINT OUT THEIR DISGUSTING FLAWS.

BELIEVE ME, I TAKE NO PLEASURE IN IT.

METHINKS YOU DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.

"METHINKS"? I BELIEVE IT'S "I THINKS."

WHAT I'M SAYING

IS WHEN YOU POINT A FINGER AT SOMEONE,

THERE'S THREE POINTING BACK AT YOU.

OH, THERE'S NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.

SEE?

OH, MY GOD!

THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS?

SO, THE FAULTS I FIND IN OTHERS

ARE THE THINGS I HATE ABOUT MYSELF.

MM-HMM, THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA.

NO. ANYWAYS...

YOU HURT OUR LITTLE BROTHER,

AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY, SO GO FIX IT.

FINE. AND WHY DON'T YOU TAKE

A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR.

OH, YOU KNOW, NEVER A PROBLEM.

WHO'S THAT?

OH, MY GOD!

EW!

HEY! AHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

BY THE WAY, I FORGIVE YOU FOR TELLING RACHEL.

RACHEL, CAN I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU?

I'M SORRY, BUT HER MOUTH IS BUSY.

NOW!

I'LL BE OUTSIDE. WE'LL PICK THIS UP WHERE --

GO!

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!

HE'S SUCH A GOOD KISSER.

SNAP OUT OF IT! OW!

EW, I JUST KISSED YOUR LITTLE BROTHER!

YEAH, HE STILL HAS HIS BABY TEETH IN A JAR.

HE'S REALLY CREEPY!

EW, I KISSED YOUR CREEPY LITTLE BROTHER!

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

I WAS THINKING NOBODY'S EVER CALLED ME

"THE PERFECT WOMAN" BEFORE.

HE'S 14.

ANYONE IN A BRA IS THE PERFECT WOMAN!

OKAY, THIS NEVER HAPPENED.

BUT IT DID.

NOT IF WE REALLY BELIEVE THAT IT DIDN'T -- SAY IT!

THIS NEVER HAPPENED?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

THIS NEVER HAPPENED! GOOD.

OH, RACH, I'M WAITING!

BE RIGHT THERE!

WE DONE?

OKAY, THAT NEVER HAPPENED, EITHER.

Rachel: HELLO, RORY.

RACHEL SHARP, YOU'RE TRYING TO SEDUCE ME, AREN'T YOU?

Kyle: HEY, ARE YOU GONNA FINISH THAT?

YEAH, YEAH.

SORRY.

I HAD A PRETTY HOT EVENING...

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

NO.

WELL, RACHEL SHARP CAME OVER,

AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER...

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

OH...HUH.

WAIT, YOU LOST ME.

RACHEL AND I MADE OUT FOR A VERY LONG TIME...

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU MUST THINK I'M AN IDIOT.

IT'S TRUE.

OUCH, THAT HURT.

NO, I MEAN ABOUT MAKING OUT WITH RACHEL.

YEAH, RIGHT!

ASK KERRY.

NOW, YOU REMEMBER,

SPEND ALL YOUR TIME WITH GRANDMA.

AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CALL ANYONE UNCLE PACO.

OKAY.

IF YOU SHOULD GET FRIGHTENED IN THE NIGHT,

DON'T HESITATE TO CRAWL IN BED WITH HER.

YEAH, LIKE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

YEAH, WELL, TELL THAT

TO THE FATHER OF OUR COUNTRY.

A DOLLAR?

YOU'RE GIVING ME A DOLLAR TO SLEEP WITH GRANDMA?

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE GOING RATE IS.

GRANDPA, DID C.J. LEAVE FOR THE MAEVE FESTIVAL?

YEAH, HOURS AGO.

HE SAID HE WAS HITCHING ALL THE WAY.

OH, ACTUALLY HE'S STILL

STANDING ON THE CURB WITH HIS THUMB OUT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING TO THE AIRPORT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, ASK KERRY ABOUT ME AND RACHEL.

OH...KERRY, DID RORY MAKE OUT WITH RACHEL?

NEVER HAPPENED.

I FIGURED.

WHOA, EVERYONE LEAVING WITHOUT SAYING "BYE"?

HEY, CAN I CATCH A RIDE WITH YOU?

NO PROBLEM.

HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE CATCHING A RIDE, ARE YOU, C.J.?

YEAH, PEOPLE SLOW DOWN, BUT NOBODY STOPS.

YEAH, WELL, JUST PUT ON A BIG SMILE

EVERY TIME ONE GETS CLOSE.

YEAH, AND I'D TAKE THE SIGN OFF YOUR BACKPACK.

WHAT SIGN?

"NO LONGER CONTAGIOUS."

THAT'S CUTE, GRANDPA.

NO ONE'S PULLED THAT ONE ON ME SINCE THIRD GRADE.

HEY, WAIT, IT'S THE SAME HANDWRITING.

YOU KNOW, I SAID YOU COULD START THE CAR,

NOT ACTUALLY DRIVE.

YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE TOO --

NEVER MIND, YOU'RE DOING FINE.

THIS IS THE FIRST PLANE TRIP WE'VE TAKEN WITHOUT OUR PARENTS.

YEAH, THE FIRST EVER WITHOUT DAD.

WELL, YOU KNOW THERE'S A WAY YOU CAN TAKE PAPA H. WITH YOU.

IN OUR HEARTS? NO, IN YOUR STOMACHS.

MY DAD TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PLACE

WHERE THEY NAMED A SANDWICH AFTER HIM.

OUR DAD'S BEEN MEMORIALIZED?

ON WHITE, WHEAT, OR RYE.

RORY, YOUR GIRLFRIEND CALLED.

RACHEL?

YEP.

OR DID SHE SAY MISSY?

WAS IT RACHEL?

THINK, MAN, THINK!

OH, COULD IT HAVE BEEN SARAH?

NO.

THAT'S TOO BAD. I ALWAYS LIKED THE NAME SARAH.

GRANDPA, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS CALL ALL DAY.

ALL RIGHT, JUST HOLD IT. IT WAS, UH, MISSY.

YEP, MISSY. I'M SURE OF IT.

MAN!

MAYBE IT'S AN OLDER WOMAN THING

NOT TO ANSWER MESSAGES RIGHT AWAY.

I HEAR THEY PLAY BY DIFFERENT RULES.

THEY DON'T HAVE RULES -- THEY LIVE BY WOMEN IMPULSE,

TRAMPLING SWEET MEMORIES INTO DUST!

YOU STILL THINKING ABOUT GRANDMA?

NO, WHY?

I'M PICKING UP THREE PAUL HENNESSY'S ON RYE FOR KYLE.

YOU'RE TOMMY'S KID, AREN'T YOU? UH-HUH.

LET'S SEE THE MONEY.

KERRY, LOOK, THERE'S A PICTURE OF DAD WITH KIRK GIBSON.

OH, AND ANOTHER ONE WITH --

MOM?!

NO, I THINK THAT'S LARRY BYRD.

LOOK, THAT'S MOM OVER THERE WITH SOME GUY.

OH, MY GOD, MOM'S CHEATING ON DAD!

RIGHT UNDERNEATH HIS SANDWICH!

COME UP FOR AIR, WHY DON'T YOU?

LOOK, MAYBE WE'RE JUST JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS.

SHE'S IN A BAR WITH SOME GUY WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS AT WORK.

HOW MUCH MORE EVIDENCE DO YOU NEED?

HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M IN LOVE!

OKAY, I'M GOOD.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

96, 97...

KYLE, HURRY!

WHAT THE...

OH, GREAT!

5, 10, 15...

HEY, YOU FORGOT YOUR SANDWICHES!

HEY, YOU FORGOT ME!