Original subtitles

ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE TO GO?

YEAH. I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

OKAY.

HO, HO, HO, HO.

WHAT'S WRONG, KERRY? WHAT, ARE YOU BLIND?

HER BOYFRIEND DIDN'T EVEN KISS HER GOODBYE.

STIFFED AT THE DOOR.

REJECTED, SHOT DOWN, THE HEISMAN.

NICE.

GUYS, KNOCK IT OFF. YOU'RE SO INSENSITIVE.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO EVERYONE.

IT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?

THE HEISMAN? OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

OH, DAD...

LOOK WHO GOT A LETTER FROM MOM.

OOOH! OOOH!

THE NICE STATIONERY, THE PERFUME --

I WONDER WHAT IT IS.

I WONDER WHAT A LONELY WOMAN

WHO CAST OUT THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HER

COULD POSSIBLY WANT.

CATE, WOULD YOU DO THE HONORS?

DAD, IT'S YOUR LETTER.

NO, NO, NO. BEGGING ALWAYS SOUNDS BETTER OUT LOUD.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

"DEAR JIM, I LOVE YOU."

All: OOOH!

"I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU."

All: OOOH!

"BUT I'M SEEING SOMEONE ELSE."

OOOH!

OH, SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.

SORRY, DUDE.

IN A LETTER, MOM?

48 YEARS TOGETHER, AND YOU TELL DAD

YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE IN A LETTER?

UH-HUH.

MORE HUMANE?

RIGHT.

WELL, IS THAT WHY YOU SENT THE PICTURE

OF THE TWO OF YOU IN A HAMMOCK?

LOOK, I REALLY DON'T THINK IT MATTERS

ONE WAY OR THE OTHER

IF I THINK HE'S CUTE.

WE'RE NOT 16.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

A FOUR.

LOOK, MOM, HE'S NOT HALF AS ATTRACTIVE AS DAD.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

LOOK, MOM, I'M GONNA CALL YOU BACK LATER.

YEAH, OKAY. BYE.

HEY, DAD. HOW YOU DOING?

FINE.

ARE YOU SURE?

I MEAN, YOU'VE BEEN AWFULLY QUIET

EVER SINCE YOU GOT THAT LETTER FROM MOM.

COME ON.

YOUR MOM CAN DO AS SHE CHOOSES.

SHE'S A BIG GIRL.

GRANTED, SHE WASN'T QUITE AS BIG WHEN I MARRIED HER.

YOU SEE? I KNEW IT.

YOU'RE ANGRY.

NO, NO, I THINK YOU'RE THE ANGRY ONE.

YOU KNOW, SPLIT-UPS ARE TOUGHEST ON THE KIDS.

HEY, HONEY.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

I'M HIGHLIGHTING KERRY'S HAIR SO KYLE WILL NOTICE HER.

WHY IS SHE DOING THAT? HER HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL.

MOM, IT'S OKAY. SHE CAN'T HEAR US.

IT IS.

I KNOW.

IT'S OKAY. I KEPT THE MUSIC ON.

SHE CAN'T HEAR US.

HEY, BRIDG, GO TALK TO YOUR GRANDPA.

WHAT?

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS,

I'M GONNA GET UP AND GO TO MY ROOM.

MM-HMM.

HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS BLUFFING?

MMM. THE PART ABOUT GETTING UP.

SO, TALK TO ME.

Kerry: BRIDGET!

I THINK YOUR SISTER WANTS YOU, DARLING.

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

LOOK AT ME!

YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA HIGHLIGHT MY HAIR!

I LOOK LIKE DOLLY PARTON!

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!

NOW, LOOK, KERRY, JUST CALM DOWN.

IT REALLY DOESN'T LOOK THAT BA--

OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY. JUST SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

OH, MY.

OH, MY. YOU REALLY DO LOOK LIKE DOLLY PARTON.

MOM!

HONEY, COME ON. SHE'S THE QUEEN OF COUNTRY.

WHOA, PAPA BEAR,

SOMEBODY'S BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR,

AND SHE'S STILL THERE.

NICE. NICE.

NOW, LOOK, KERRY,

I WILL CALL SYLVIA AT THE SALON IMMEDIATELY.

SHE IS GREAT WITH DISASTERS.

IT LOOKS FINE.

OH, MY GOD. THAT'S KYLE.

HE CAN'T SEE ME LIKE THIS. RELAX. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

OKAY. TELL HIM I'M SICK AND I'LL CALL HIM LATER.

I SAID I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

LOOK!

RORY!

RORY, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO YOUR FATHER?

I MISS HIM.

AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR FATHER WOULD SAY TO YOU?

HE'D SAY, "RORY...

"I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE

"THAT DICK DALE CLASSIC STRATOCASTER

"WITH THE CUSTOM-FITTED WHAMMY BARS

FEATURED IN QUENTIN TARANTINO'S 'PULP FICTION.'"

NICE TRY.

VERY NICE TRY.

BRIDGET, YOU'VE BEEN AWFULLY SILENT.

I'M KERRY.

OH. SORRY. THE HAIR.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS, KERRY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST CALLED ME "BRIDGET."

DON'T JUST SIT THERE, KERRY. THANK HIM.

GIRLS.

YOU KNOW, I HATE THIS.

TODAY I WAS READING AN ARTICLE,

AND I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

IT'S LIKE BEING BLOND HAS MADE ME STUPIDER.

MORE STUPID.

AHH!

GIRLS.

ALL RIGHT, SO, ARE WE NORMAL YET?

WHO'S TO SAY WHAT'S NORMAL?

YOU, AT THESE PRICES.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY TODAY EITHER, CATE.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I KEEP BUSY.

NO, DOCTOR, SHE BURNS HERSELF OUT

DOING EVERYTHING FOR US AND GRANDPA AND C.J.

CATE, IT'S TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

HOW DO I DO THAT?

TREAT YOURSELF.

DO SOMETHING YOU'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE -- SOMETHING IMPULSIVE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, PAUL ALWAYS WANTED TO GO SKYDIVING

FOR OUR 25th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

BUT I'M NOT GONNA GO JUMPING OUT OF SOME DAMN AIRPLANE.

WELL, WHAT'S YOUR SKYDIVING?

I DON'T KNOW.

SINGING, I GUESS. SINGING?

SHE'S A GREAT SINGER. KISS-ASS.

BRIDGET.

I MEAN, I DO. I SING IN THE CHURCH CHOIR.

BUT EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

I ALWAYS HAD THIS FANTASY ABOUT SINGING --

LIKE A REAL SINGER.

TELL ME ABOUT THAT LITTLE GIRL'S FANTASY.

WELL, IT'S THE SAME AS ANY LITTLE GIRL'S FANTASY --

YOU KNOW, A SMOKY BAR, A SEQUINED COCKTAIL DRESS,

A BRANDY SNIFTER FILLED WITH SINGLES ON THE PIANO.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S MY FANTASY.

SHRINK HUMOR.

SO, HOW COME YOU NEVER PURSUED IT?

WELL, MY DAD IS A VERY PRACTICAL MAN,

AND HE JUST THOUGHT THAT KIND OF STUFF WAS FRIVOLOUS.

GRANDPA STOPPED YOU?

MOM, YOU ALWAYS TELL US WE CAN DO ANYTHING.

OH, HONEY, I HAVE TO SAY THAT.

WELL, THAT'S 10 MORE SESSIONS.

NOW, COME ON.

IT'S JUST REALLY A VERY SILLY FANTASY.

IT'S NOT LIKE SOMETHING THAT I WOULD EVER ACTUALLY --

CATE...

GO SKYDIVING.

CATE...

YEAH, DAD?

DAD, I LIKE TO SING.

DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE A NICE VOICE?

WELL, SURE, HONEY, BUT, UH...

GRANDMA, YOU LIKE HIM. YOU KNOW YOU DO.

YOU SO-O-O-O ARE GONNA MARRY HIM.

YOU WILL MARRY HIM. I BET YOU DO.

C.J.

IS PACO THERE RIGHT NOW?

OH, HE ISN'T? WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING?

YOU'RE A NAUGHTY GRAMMY.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

NOT NOW, MOM.

C.J.

OH, UH, SORRY, GRANDPA.

I FORGOT YOU AND GRANDMA WERE KIND OF A THING.

OH, YOU WERE ON THE PHONE WITH LAURA?

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID HI FOR ME.

COME HERE, C.J.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT DAD.

HE SEEMS HAPPY.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.

NO, NO, NO.

THIS IS WHAT HE DOES.

HE'S BURYING HIS FEELINGS.

HE'S ONLY HAPPY ON THE OUTSIDE.

HE WON'T TALK TO ME OR THE KIDS.

HE JUST WON'T OPEN UP. HE NEEDS A MAN TO TALK TO.

SO, C.J., CAN YOU MAKE SOME CALLS?

HEY, I'M A MAN.

I HAVE MANLIKE QUALITIES.

UH, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED,

BUT HE KIND OF HATES MY GUTS.

OH, C.J., YOU LOVE HIM, DON'T YOU?

GO TALK TO HIM. TAKE HIM SOMEWHERE.

SHOW HIM A GOOD TIME.

IT'S TOO COLD TO FEED THE PIGEONS.

THEN TAKE HIM TO A BALL GAME.

I DON'T KNOW. I'LL PAY YOU.

I CAN MAKE IT WORK.

AY, AY, AY.

GRANDPA, HOT BABE AT 9:00.

THAT'S NOT 9:00.

MORE LIKE 8:15, YOU IDIOT.

OH, HERE COMES THE DREADED FRIEND.

LISTEN, YOU WERE IN KOREA, RIGHT?

I NEED YOU TO DIVE ON A GRENADE FOR ME.

WHAT?

I NEED YOU TO BE MY WINGMAN.

OH, THEY GOT WINGS HERE? I LOVE WINGS.

NOT WINGS. WINGMAN, ALL RIGHT?

I NEED YOU TO TALK TO THE BUDDY WHILE I MAKE ME MOVE.

MAYBE THROW IN THAT I'M AN ASTRONAUT.

GOTCHA.

HEY, GIRLS.

HEY, LADIES... HE'S 32, BROKE, UNEMPLOYED.

YOU BETTER GET HIM BEFORE HE GETS AWAY.

HE'S

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.

I'M ONLY HERE 'CAUSE CATE MADE ME.

WELL, SHE PAID ME.

YEAH, WELL, THEN, YOU'RE BUYING.

CAN I SEE YOUR I.D.?

HAVE YOU GOT ANY SCOTCH OLDER THAN THAT LINE?

THIS IS HAPPY HOUR.

WE DON'T SERVE GRUMPY PEOPLE.

WELL, WHO DIED AND MADE YOU OWNER?

MY HUSBAND.

SORRY.

I'LL HAVE A BEER...TODAY.

WOW, GRAMPS, IT'S LIKE SAM-AND-DIANE-OSAUR.

ONE BEER FOR THE SKIPPER.

WHAT'S GILLIGAN GONNA HAVE?

UH, I'LL HAVE A LIGHT BEER, MRS. HOWELL.

ONE DRAFT, ONE LIGHT.

OH, BOY.

WHAT?

LIGHT BEER. ONLY SISSIES DRINK LIGHT BEER.

LIGHT BEER IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY.

YOU KNOW, WHEN THE "ANGRY OLD MAN" PRIMARIES COME UP,

YOU SHOULD RUN ON THAT PLATFORM.

HEY, GO AHEAD, MAKE FUN, BUT REAL MEN, REAL BEER.

MM-HMM.

AHH.

AHH.

I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.

KERRY...

I KNOW YOU'RE MAD ABOUT YOUR HAIR,

AND I KNOW I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE "READ THE DIRECTIONS"...

BUT UNTIL SYLVIA GETS BACK FROM VACATION,

I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.

OH, THIS IS SO SWEET OF YOU, BRIDGET.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED

TO LOOK LIKE AN IRISH SETTER!

KERRY, NO, YOU DON'T. YOU LOOK MORE LIKE HOWARD STERN.

EW!

GUYS, ARE GRANDPA AND C.J. GONE YET?

WHAT'S UP?

WELL, I'M GOING OUT.

DON'T STAY UP TOO LATE.

MOM, WHAT'S GOING ON? YEAH, YOU LOOK ALL NERVOUS.

WELL, I AM KIND OF NERVOUS.

YESTERDAY I TOOK THE PLUNGE.

I SIGNED UP TO SING AT AN OPEN-MIC NIGHT.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT.

THAT'S GREAT! THAT'S AWESOME! THAT'S SO COOL!

I WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING 'CAUSE IT'S,

WELL, PERSONAL, BUT I'M REALLY SCARED.

DON'T BE SCARED. YOU'RE GONNA BE AWESOME. YOU'RE GONNA BE SO GREAT.

YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS COME WITH ME?

I'M BUSY. I CAN'T. I'M NOT GOING OUT.

I'M SORRY. LET ME REPHRASE THAT.

GET YOUR COATS NOW.

MOM, I CAN'T GO OUT LOOKING LIKE THIS.

OH, SWEETIE. NOW.

OH, THANK YOU, KIDS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.

WELL, PAUL...

GUESS WHO'S GOING SKYDIVING?

OKAY, SO, IN SUMMARY -- YOU GET LOW,

YOU CRAM THE NOSE BONE UP INTO THE BRAIN --

KILLS HIM INSTANTLY.

SO, ANYBODY WANT TO BUY ME A DRINK?

GET LOST.

OKAY, I'LL COME BACK AT LAST CALL

WHEN YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT MORE YOURSELF.

AY, AY, AY.

SMOOTH.

YEAH, WELL, I THINK IF ANYONE SHOULD SYMPATHIZE WITH ME,

IT SHOULD BE YOU.

YOU'RE COMPARING STRIKING OUT WITH BAR CHICKS

WITH MY LOSING MY WIFE?

LOOK, I'M TRYING TO DO A GOOD DEED HERE

AND GET A SENIOR CITIZEN HAMMERED, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE MY OWN STUFF.

I'M 32 AND I GOT NOTHING, ZIP, ZERO.

32? 32?!

HERE WE GO.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU.

OH, BOY, COMPLAINING ABOUT 32

IS LIKE COMPLAINING ABOUT A MOVIE FIVE MINUTES IN.

CALM DOWN, GRAMPS. IT'S OKAY.

HE'S A LITTLE DIZZY FROM ALL THE URINATING.

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN, I WAS DIGGING DITCHES.

YOU WERE A DITCH DIGGER?

YOU BET -- IN ALL KINDS OF WEATHER.

MY HANDS WERE ALL CALLOUSED AND CUT UP, AND I LOVED IT.

OF COURSE YOU LOVED IT, 'CAUSE DIGGING DITCHES IS --

I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S NOTHING POSITIVE ABOUT DIGGING DITCHES. IT SUCKS.

I LOVED IT BECAUSE I WAS WORKING TOWARDS SOMETHING.

I WAS BUILDING A LIFE, A FAMILY TO COME HOME TO.

NOW MARRIAGE -- GONE, HOME -- GONE, WORK -- GONE.

WHAT'S MY LEGACY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?

A TWIN BED IN MY DAUGHTER'S BASEMENT.

I GUESS THAT TRUMPS YOUR ZIP AND ZERO,

AND SO EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T GET ALL MISTY

OVER THE PLIGHT OF BEING 32.

THERE GOES HAPPY ON THE OUTSIDE.

OH, WOW. IT'S CROWDED.

HOW COME GRANDPA DIDN'T HAVE TO COME?

I MEAN, GET TO.

WELL, HONESTLY, HE MAKES ME KIND OF NERVOUS.

I USED TO SING AROUND THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

AND JUST ONCE I WANTED A LITTLE APPROVAL.

I JUST WANTED TO HEAR MY DAD SAY --

OH, HOT GUYS RIGHT THERE. WE'RE GONNA GET A TABLE.

COME ON.

HI.

GOD, HOW DO I LOOK?

LIKE KENNY FROM "SOUTH PARK."

YOU EVER HEAR THAT OLD SAYING,

"YOU WANT TO MAKE GOD LAUGH, JUST TELL HIM YOUR PLANS"?

WELL, NOTHING WORKED OUT THE WAY I PLANNED.

LEGACY.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SON TO CARRY ON MY NAME.

I LOVE MY GIRLS, OF COURSE,

BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE A SON

TO THROW THE BALL AROUND WITH.

YOU KNOW, YOU DO HAVE A GRANDSON.

YEAH, THERE'S RORY.

YOU KNOW, GRAMPS, THOSE CRACKS HURT.

DO YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE,

I WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT A LITTLE BETTER

IF YOU'D PAID A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO ME?

IF MAYBE YOU'D ASK ME TO THROW THE --

I'M SORRY. I CAN'T EVEN KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE.

YOU CALL YOURSELF A GRANDSON.

YOU CALL YOURSELF A GRANDFATHER?

YOU'RE LIKE THE BAD TREES IN "THE WIZARD OF OZ."

"MY APPLES AREN'T ROTTEN!"

HEY! STOP IT!

YOU TWO BABIES.

NO WONDER YOU FIGHT. YOU'RE EXACTLY THE SAME.

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHAKE HANDS, MAKE UP,

AND STOP SCARING MY LADY CUSTOMERS.

HERE -- PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH.

YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT MISS KITTY MAY BE RIGHT.

WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE SCARING THE LADIES AWAY.

NO, ABOUT MAKING UP.

SHOULD WE SHAKE?

OH, SURE.

THEN WE PUT ON DRESSES AND KISS EACH OTHER.

YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST GUY TO HAVE HIS WIFE LEAVE HIM.

YOU MIGHT BE THE OLDEST, BUT -- ARE YOU DONE?

I GOT TO GO TO THE MEN'S ROOM.

THERE THE OLD GUY GOES AGAIN. WHO HAD 9:15 IN THE POOL?

YOU KNOW, THAT OLD GUY HAPPENS TO BE

THE TOUGHEST GUY I'VE EVER MET.

HE DUG DITCHES, ALL RIGHT?

WHY? I HAVE NO IDEA.

BUT YOU'RE LUCKY HE'S LETTING ME TELL YOU TO SHUT UP,

OR WE'D BE TAKING THIS OUTSIDE.

YOU WANT TO MIX IT UP WITH ME?

OKAY, LET'S GO.

HEY! YOU LEAVE MY GRANDSON ALONE.

YEAH.

I THINK THAT SOUNDED A LOT MORE THREATENING IN YOUR HEAD.

MY WIFE LEFT ME AND I'M LIVING IN A BASEMENT,

SO YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT?

OKAY, OKAY, LIGHTEN UP.

JEEZ.

THAT WAS COOL, GRANDPA.

YEAH, WELL, I ALWAYS WANTED TO STAND SHOULDER TO SHOULDER

WITH MY SON IN A BARROOM FIGHT.

AW, GEE.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR.

YOU DIDN'T? I DID.

LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

YEAH, GO, MOM! ALL RIGHT!

CATE?

I KIND OF BROUGHT YOU HERE FOR ANOTHER REASON.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO SEE THIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS UP THERE? THAT'S YOUR LEGACY.

SHE'S AMAZING. YOU KNOW, LIFE SOMETIMES --

SHH, SHH, SHH. MY BABY GIRL'S SINGING.

THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.

OH? SHE'S LOVELY.

YOU DO GOOD WORK.

SPEAKING OF WORK, WE CLOSE AT 1:00.

HEY, I SAW HER FIRST.

HEY.

THAT'S MY GIRL!

GO, MOM! WHOO, MOM! ALL RIGHT!

THAT'S MY GIRL! ALL RIGHT!

THANK YOU, RORY. THANK YOU, BRIDGET.

KERRY, WE ARE DYING THAT HAIR BACK TOMORROW.

OH, CAN WE WAIT, LIKE, A WEEK OR TWO?

NO.

OH, DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

MY GRANDSON BROUGHT ME.

YOU SING LIKE AN ANGEL.

OH. OH, DAD, THAT'S -- THAT'S JUST GREAT TO HEAR.

THANK YOU.

NO, NO. THANK YOU.

FOR WHAT?

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

OH, DAD...