Original subtitles

MOM, CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE ME DRIVING? PLEASE?

NO, HONEY, I'M MAKING DINNER.

BUT YOU PROMISED!

I LIED. WELCOME TO LIFE.

LOOK, KERRY, COULD YOU JUST LET

YOUR DRIVING OBSESSION GO FOR TWO MINUTES?

YOUR COUSIN C.J. WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

EW. PBHT!

ALL RIGHT. EXCUSE ME.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE HAVE LEARNED THIS YEAR,

IT'S THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY.

AND C.J. IS FAMILY.

EW. PBHT!

STOP IT!

WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT SEEING HIM?

WHEN WE WERE KIDS, HE WAS A BIG, HUGE BULLY.

HE STOLE ALL MY ARMY MEN.

AND HE TOOK MY DEBBIE DOLL

TO "ENTERTAIN" RORY'S ARMY MEN WHILE THEY WERE ON LEAVE.

THEN HE BLEW THEM ALL UP WITH M-80s.

THE BOY'S A BAD EGG, CATE.

WELL, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH HIM, DAD?

I LOANED HIM MONEY FOR HIS COLLEGE EDUCATION.

HUH. I DIDN'T KNOW C.J. WENT TO COLLEGE.

HE DIDN'T.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S HIM.

NOW, ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, EVERYBODY.

C.J. IS MY SISTER'S SON.

SO THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO LIKE HIM.

NO, THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.

I KNOW HE WASN'T THE BEST KID, BUT PEOPLE CHANGE.

AND HE'S BEEN IN THE ARMY.

I'M SURE HE'S GROWN UP A LOT.

AUNT CATE!

C.J.!

WHOO!

ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS IT? THIS IS AS BIG AS WE GET?

HEY, EVERYBODY. IT'S GOOD TO SEE YA.

YEAH, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU, TOO.

CAN YOU TAKE ME DRIVING?

KERRY...

IS THAT MY GANPA? UH-HUH.

IS THAT POP-POP?

GA GA, IT'S ME!

PLEASE, DON'T GET UP.

HOW'S THAT COLLEGE DEGREE COMING?

THAT'S A FUNNY STORY.

I DIDN'T GO.

BUT I AM PAYING YOU BACK.

IN FACT, HERE'S A LITTLE DOWNPAYMENT.

IT'S NOT DOPE MONEY, IS IT?

I DON'T TAKE DOPE MONEY.

DAD.

C.J., JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON DINNER.

DON'T WORRY, GRANDPA.

I'VE DONE QUITE WELL SINCE I LEFT THE SERVICE.

JOINED THE CARNIVAL. RAN THE TILT-A-WHIRL.

THE TILT-A-WHIRL?

IT TILTS, IT WHIRLS, IT DOES IT ALL.

STRAP IN, WATCH 'EM HEAVE.

HERE WE GO, PEOPLE! LET'S PARTY.

WHY THE STINK EYE?

YOU BLEW UP OUR TOYS.

WAR IS HELL, TINY. BUTCH UP.

$1,000.

OR A BIG-SCREEN TV, OR A LAS VEGAS GETAWAY,

IF YOU ATTEND ONE TIME-SHARE SEMINAR.

YEAH, I GUESS YOU GOT TO CHECK OUT THAT TIME-SHARE.

AND BUY A CONDO.

BY TOMORROW.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY. LET'S SIT DOWN FOR DINNER.

I THINK I'LL PASS.

BRIDGET -- WOW.

YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY...

RELATED TO YOU.

RIGHT. GOT ANY FRIENDS WHO AREN'T?

CAN YOU TAKE ME DRIVING?

NICE TRY, RAGGEDY ANN. NO, THANKS.

SO, C.J., YOU'RE REALLY HERE 'CAUSE OF OUR DAD?

OH, YEAH. I LOVED UNCLE PAUL.

HE WAS THE ONE WHO DROVE ME TO THE RECRUITMENT CENTER.

HE SAID, "JOIN THE ARMY. IT'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU."

IT WORKED FOR ME.

UM, DAD WAS NEVER IN THE SERVICE.

YEAH.

WAIT, WHAT?

AUNT CATE, DO YOU MIND IF I SAY GRACE?

WELL...MY KIDS DON'T USUALLY DO THAT,

BUT, YEAH, THAT'D BE A NICE CHANGE.

IT'S NICE WHEN PEOPLE CHANGE, ISN'T IT?

EVERYONE?

DEAR LORD,

THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD WE ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE.

AND THANK YOU FOR -- I GOTTA TAKE THIS.

WHAT'S UP?

YOU DID NOT!

OH, MY GOD!

AMEN.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE C.J. LEFT WITHOUT KISSING ME GOODBYE.

OH, COME ON, CATE. I'M CRYING ON THE INSIDE.

WELL, IN A SECOND, YOU'LL BE CRYING ON THE OUTSIDE.

HE SPENT THE NIGHT IN HIS VAN.

OKAY, EVERYONE, I NEED YOUR HELP.

IT IS CANDID PICTURE WEEK AT SCHOOL.

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S WHEN THE YEARBOOK STAFF TAKES YOUR PICTURE

WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

THEY GIVE ME ADVANCE NOTICE EVERY YEAR.

UM, KERRY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO RUN A BRUSH THROUGH THAT.

SO, I NEED HELP CHOOSING MY CANDID POSES.

MAYBE TOMORROW, WE CAN NARROW DOWN COLLEGES.

MOM, LET'S BE SERIOUS FOR, LIKE, TWO SECONDS, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, SO HERE IS ME CHATTING WITH FRIENDS.

HERE IS ME STUDYING FOR A TEST FOR FINALS.

AND HERE'S ME JUST BEING ME.

AND NOW, DO YOU LOOKING MINDLESS.

WHAT? OH, YOU NAILED IT.

OH, IT'S COLD OUR THERE.

YOU MIND IF I PLUG THIS IN AND BORROW SOME ELECTRICITY

FOR A LITTLE SPACE HEATER?

NO, HELP YOURSELF.

CAN I BORROW A LITTLE SPACE HEATER?

WELL, DIDN'T YOU COME IN THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT?

SOMEBODY LOCKED THE DEAD BOLT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS CATCH UP WHILE I MAKE BREAKFAST?

WELL, C.J...

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA BE LEAVING?

DAD...

NO, NO, WHAT I MEANT WAS,

HOW LONG IS IT GONNA BE BEFORE YOU'RE NOT HERE ANYMORE?

WELL, YOU LEFT IN A HURRY LAST NIGHT.

WHAT WAS THE BIG EMERGENCY?

I HAPPENED TO SCORE THE LAST TWO TICKETS

FOR THE AEROSMITH CONCERT THIS WEEKEND.

YOU WALKED OUT ON CATE'S DINNER

TO GET A COUPLE OF TICKETS TO A ROCK 'N' ROLL SHOW?

I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED, POTSIE, BUT I ONLY GOT TWO TICKETS.

MOM... I'M NOT FEELING WELL.

I'M NOT GONNA GO TO SCHOOL.

OH, HONEY. YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A STOMACH THING GOING AROUND.

YEAH. OH, MY STOMACH.

I'LL JUST HAVE MY EGGS IN MY ROOM.

WHERE'S THE TABASCO?

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING... I CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

RORY!

OHH.

HE'S GOT THAT LOOK AGAIN.

HE NEEDS A GUY TO TALK TO.

EH, I'LL GO.

HE NEEDS A GUY TO TALK TO TODAY.

DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE THAT?

I KNOW, DAD.

HI.

HEY.

I LIKE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE.

LET ME GUESS. GIRLY MAGS BEHIND THE HEADBOARD?

NO.

YES.

LISTEN, I KNOW IT'S BEEN A WHILE

SINCE THE WHOLE ARMY MEN --

BUT IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK --

OKAY, SEE, THERE'S THIS GIRL, MISSY,

WHO'S GOT THESE EYES THAT MAKE ME FORGET HOW TO WALK,

AND WHEN I'M AROUND -- EASY, MARY. LET'S SKIP THE WALKS ON THE BEACH.

KEEP IT SURFACEY.

OKAY, SHE'S HOT. I GET IT. CONTINUE.

YEAH, SHE'S GOT THE PRETTIEST EYES --

EH -- STEADY.

AFTER WE GOT DONE STUDYING LAST NIGHT,

WE WERE SAYING GOODBYE ON HER FRONT PORCH.

AND I THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE WANTED ME TO KISS HER.

AND I CHOKED. I SUCK.

YOU EVERY TRY TO KISS A GIRL AND SHE WHIPS HER HEAD BACK?

THAT IS THE WORST. IT'S HAPPENED TO ME 5,000 TIMES.

THEY WOULD RATHER CRACK THEIR HEAD

AGAINST THE CEMENT WALL BEHIND THEM

THAN HAVE YOUR GROSS LIPS TOUCH--

OKAY. MARY, MY STORY?

SEE, I'VE KISSED GIRLS BEFORE.

I'VE JUST... NEVER KISSED A GIRL THAT WAY.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE, UH --

DUDE.

DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT.

THERE'S THIS DANCE COMING UP.

I FIGURE AT SOME POINT, I MIGHT HAVE TO, YOU KNOW --

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

KEEP THE TONGUE IN OR I WALK, ALL RIGHT?

IT -- IT'S JUST...

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT WRONG.

IT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE.

C.J., YOU'VE GONE OUT WITH A LOT OF GIRLS, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. LOTS.

CARNY GROUPIES... CARNY GROUPIE WANNABES.

YOU KNOW, KISSING'S LIKE ANYTHING ELSE.

IF YOU WANT TO GET GOOD, YOU GOT TO PRACTICE.

LOTS AND LOTS OF PRACTICE.

YOU'RE PRETTY SMART, C.J.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T LET JUST ANYONE IN THE ARMY.

REALLY? I HEARD THEY DID.

WHAT?! JEEZ, BRIDGET, WHAT IS IT?

YOU FINALLY REALIZED IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE?

OH, MY GOD. I KNEW IT!

THERE IS A HUGE VOLCANIC GROWTH BREWING AT THE END OF MY NOSE

JUST SEVEN HOURS BEFORE MY CANDID PICTURE DAY BEGINS!

WHY DON'T YOU JUST COVER IT?

WITH A SKI MASK.

OKAY, YOU KNOW, I NEED MEDICINE.

WE HAVE TO GO TO THE DRUG STORE.

SOMETIMES YOU CAN OUTSMART THEM WITH A PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU NEED ME FOR?

'CAUSE IT'S DARK, AND I'M SCARED, AND I NEED YOU TO BUY IT

'CAUSE I CAN'T BE SEEN GETTING ZIT MEDICINE,

SO, LET'S GO!

NO. PLEASE!

NO! PLEASE!

OKAY, I'LL GO WITH YOU ON ONE CONDITION --

I GET TO DRIVE.

UM, NO. NO, YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR LEARNER'S PERMIT.

IT'S TOO RISKY, NO.

SO IS BEING PHOTOGRAPHED LOOKING LIKE A DALMATIAN.

I TOLD YOU YOU HIT A POLE!

I LOOKED! I SWEAR I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!

'CAUSE IT WAS DARK! I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET YOU DRIVE.

MOM IS GONNA KILL US!

LADIES.

HEY. HELLO.

YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM WILL NEVER NOTICE THAT DENT

IF YOU STAND THAT WAY FOREVER.

WHOA! NO YOU DIDN'T.

MMM.

PAINT SCRAPED, DIFFERENT COLOR, NERVOUS TEENS.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU DID THIS SNEAKING OUT LAST NIGHT.

BRIDGET, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

YOU DROVE. YOU LET HER.

PROVE IT.

SEAT'S WAY UP. MIRROR'S WAY DOWN. BEEN THERE.

OOH, I'M SO IMPRESSED, MR. CARNY MAN.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NEXT, GUESS MY WEIGHT?

101.

MOTIVE -- WHY, WHY, WHY?

WHAT COULD IT BE?

AH.

HELLO, MY LITTLE RED FRIEND.

WOW.

OKAY. IT'S NIGHT. TEENAGE GIRL FINDS A ZIT...

AND A DOOZY, AT THAT.

MOM WON'T LET YOU OUT THIS LATE, SO IT'S MIDNIGHT RUN TIME

FOR A LITTLE BENZOYL PEROXIDE.

KERRY, YOU GET TO DRIVE, BUT YOU HAVE TO BUY THE CREAM,

'CAUSE PAMELA HERE CAN'T BE SEEN BUYING THAT KIND OF GOOP.

SHOULD I KEEP GOING, OR HAVE YOU HEARD ENOUGH?

WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO DO THAT?

IN THE ARMY. STUDYING AERIAL PHOTOS.

IN A SPLIT SECOND, I HAD TO DECIDE,

WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION, OR JUST A DUDE?

HI.

WHAT'S EVERYBODY DOING OUT HERE?

WH-- OH, NO!

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T NEED THIS.

MOM...

WE, UH...

I DID IT.

HE DID IT. HE DID IT.

YOU?

YEAH.

SORRY, IT WAS LATE LAST NIGHT.

THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO UNPLUG MY VAN,

SO I BORROWED YOUR CAR.

I FOUND IT THAT WAY IN THE PARKING LOT.

AND THEY CALL IT A GENTLEMAN'S CLUB.

C.J...

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

OH, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

COME ON, YOU'RE FAMILY.

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN -- OH, MY GOD, IT'S SCARING ME.

MOM?

I NEED YOU TO SIGN THIS. I'M KIND OF IN TROUBLE.

WHAT IS IT?

"IMPROPER DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION IN THE HALLS

WITHOUT A PASS"?

WHAT, DID YOU KISS MISSY IN THE HALLWAY?

IT WASN'T MISSY. IT WAS ROBIN RENDELL.

SHE'S ALWAYS KIND OF HAD A CRUSH ON ME,

PLUS I NEED THE PRACTICE.

YOU NEEDED PRACTICE KISSING?

YOU'RE A 14-YEAR-OLD BOY. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD.

C.J. TOLD ME I SHOULD PRACTICE KISSING LOTS OF OTHER GIRLS

SO I'D BE GOOD WHEN I FINALLY GET MY HANDS ON MISSY.

GET YOUR HANDS ON --

C.J. TOLD YOU THIS?

YEAH.

WELL, DID HE ALSO TELL YOU THAT YOU'D BE HAVING

A MONTH OF SATURDAY DETENTIONS?

WHAT?! MM-HMM.

RORY, GIVE ME A MINUTE.

I LOVE THAT C.J.

I'M GONNA SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS.

NOW, LOOK, DAD, WE HAVEN'T HEARD C.J.'S SIDE OF THE STORY.

AND WHEN WE DO, THEN WE CAN WRING HIS SCRAWNY LITTLE NECK.

YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE THING

TO GIVE SOMEONE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

BUT I CANNOT STAND WHEN A MEMBER OF MY OWN FAMILY

IS LYING STRAIGHT TO MY FACE.

SHE WAS JUST PRACTICING HER SCARED POSE.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

KERRY, SHE KNOWS! SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING!

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I HAVE TO CONFESS RIGHT NOW!

STOP IT! YOU ARE BEING HYSTERICAL!

I CAN'T -- OHH!

UH!

OW! QUIT IT!

BRIDGET! BRIDGET!

OKAY, CALM DOWN, BRIDGET!

YOU'RE BEING PARANOID!

NO, I'M NOT. DIDN'T YOU HEAR HER?!

SHE SAID, "I CAN'T STAND A FAMILY MEMBER LYING TO MY FACE"!

LOOK, IF MOM KNEW WE TOOK OUT THE CAR,

WHY WOULDN'T SHE JUST COME OUT AND SAY SOMETHING?

BECAUSE SHE IS TOYING WITH US.

SHE WANTS US TO COME CLEAN,

BUT ALL WE KEEP DOING IS LYING.

AND, OW!

HEY, HEY, COME ON IN, MAN.

GRAB A SEAT IN THE BED.

HEY, OH!

I OUGHT TO MESS YOU UP, MAN.

IT'S REALLY HARD TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

ON THIS STUPID BED.

YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

I TOOK YOUR STUPID ADVICE AND KISSED ROBIN RENDELL.

OH, YEAH? HOW'D IT GO?

SHE SAID I OPENED MY MOUTH TOO WIDE.

UH-HUH, ROOKIE MISTAKE.

SHE SAID IT WAS LIKE STICKING HER FACE IN A BUCKET.

IF I HAD A NICKEL -- THE POINT IS...

THEN MISSY FOUND OUT I KISSED SOMEONE ELSE

AND TOLD ME I COULD FORGET ABOUT THE DANCE.

SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T KISS ME IF I WERE THE LAST GUY ON EARTH.

RORY, "I WOULDN'T KISS YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST GUY ON EARTH"

IS A RITE OF PASSAGE.

EVERY GUY HEARS THAT AT SOME POINT.

IT'S LIKE, "YOU'RE OLD AND GROSS."

"FERRARI DOESN'T MAKE VANS."

"SO HELP ME GOD, TAKE ONE MORE STEP,

I'LL BASH YOUR HEAD IN WITH THIS ROCK."

COME ON.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

NOW MISSY WILL PROBABLY HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE AT THE DANCE

AND FORGET ALL ABOUT ME.

AHH.

COME HERE.

LOOK, RORY, I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY

THAT HAPPENED TO YOU, PAL.

BUT I KINDA GOT TO GET MOVING.

WELL, WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MISSY?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT AFTER THE CONCERT?

OR ACTUALLY, MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,

'CAUSE TONIGHT'S GONNA BE REALLY GREAT,

AND THIS CONVERSATION SEEMS LIKE IT'S GOT "BUZZ KILLER"

WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.

BUT I'M GONNA SNAG YOU A LIGHT STICK, HOW ABOUT THAT?

ALL RIGHT.

RORY.

COME ON, MAN. WE'LL TALK ON THE WAY TO THE SHOW.

WHERE'S RORY?

OH, HEY, CATE.

WHERE'S RORY?

HE'S COMING. HE'S IN THE VAN.

YOU TOLD RORY THAT HE COULD GET A GIRL TO LIKE HIM

BY PRACTICING KISSING ON ANOTHER GIRL?

I TOLD HIM TO PRACTICE, BUT I MEANT, LIKE,

ON HIS HAND OR IN THE MIRROR,

ON PLUSH TOYS.

YOU KISS PLUSH TOYS?

NO, YOU KISS PLUSH TOYS.

YOU KNOW, C.J., I GAVE YOU A CHANCE

BECAUSE I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU HAD MATURED.

BUT IT'S BECOME PRETTY OBVIOUS

THAT WE WERE JUST ANOTHER PLACE TO CRASH

WHILE YOU FOLLOWED AEROSMITH ON THEIR TOUR.

I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

WOW. OUCH.

SOME BIRTHDAY.

NOW ASK HIM FOR MY MONEY.

DAD, PLEASE...

HI, MOM. HI, MRS. HENNESSY.

HI, MISSY.

DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD GO TO A CONCERT?

I DIDN'T. I WENT TO THE SCHOOL DANCE. WHAT?

OH, RORY WAS SO CUTE. HE CAME IN, BROUGHT ME A ROSE.

I FELT JUST LIKE THE BACHELORETTE.

C.J. DROVE ME THERE. I WAS TOO SCARED TO GO IN.

THEN HE CONVINCED ME I SHOULD.

WHEN I GOT THERE, SHE LOOKED SO PRETTY,

I GOT BUTTERFLIES -- EH -- STEADY.

RIGHT.

SORRY YOU MISSED YOUR AEROSMITH CONCERT.

IT'S COOL.

YOU DIDN'T GO?

ANYWAY, I'M GONNA WALK MISSY HOME.

HEY, DON'T YOU TWO TAKE FRENCH CLASS TOGETHER?

SHUT UP!

WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE UP YOUR CONCERT.

IT'S NO BIGGIE.

WOW. THESE ARE REALLY GOOD SEATS.

YEAH, YEAH.

NO, NO -- I MEAN, INCREDIBLE SEATS.

YES, THANK YOU.

YEAH, WELL, IT HAS BEEN FUN.

WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY WHEN YOU CAN STAY A LITTLE LONGER?

LOOK...

I MAY HAVE WORN OUT MY WELCOME HERE A LITTLE BIT,

AND I'M SORRY.

AND I DON'T WANT TO SOUND CHEESY,

I JUST ALWAYS WANTED TO BE PART OF A FAMILY LIKE YOURS.

I JUST KIND OF LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU GUYS.

OH.

WELL, THAT WAS KIND OF SWEET.

YEAH. CAN YOU TAKE ME DRIVING?

I'M SORRY. THAT JUST SLIPPED OUT.

THAT REALLY WAS SWEET.

NOW, WAIT ONE DAMN MINUTE HERE

BEFORE WE ALL SOFTEN UP LIKE A BUNCH OF PANSIES.

YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH.

WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG

TO COME PAY YOUR RESPECTS TO YOUR UNCLE PAUL?

C.J., BE HONEST FOR ONCE.

I WAS ASHAMED.

YOU KNOW, HE WAS THE ONLY GUY WHO SAID I'D BE SOMEBODY.

I NEVER WAS.

I ALMOST CALLED HIM ONE TIME

WHEN I WAS RUNNING THE TILT-A-WHIRL,

BUT ALL THE PARENTS FREAKED OUT 'CAUSE I WAS DIALING

INSTEAD OF "PAYING ATTENTION TO THEIR KIDS."

I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.

WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?

THOUGHT I MIGHT SEE MY PARENTS.

I THOUGHT THEY WEREN'T TALKING TO YOU.

I MEANT FROM A DISTANCE.

I COULD RE-UP IN THE ARMY.

OH, WAIT, THERE'S A WAR.

TECHNICALLY, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING, SO...

I'LL BE FINE.

ALL ALONE.

ME AND MY LITTLE SPACE HEATER.

THAT'S MY SPACE HEATER.

C.J., WAIT.

LOOK, THE TRUTH IS THIS FAMILY DOESN'T REALLY KNOW

WHERE IT'S GOING, EITHER.

SO...

WHY DON'T YOU STAY A LITTLE WHILE?

IN THE DRIVEWAY.

ALL RIGHT. UNTIL YOU CAN FIGURE STUFF OUT.

CAN I HAVE A KEY TO THE DEAD BOLT?

NO!

AND YET, YOU KNOW, C.J., I HAVE TO SAY

IT IS SO NICE TO SEE THE REAL YOU.

IF THERE'S ONE THING WE VALUE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD,

IT'S THE TRUTH.

HONESTY, HONESTY, HONESTY.

OKAY, MOTHER, STOP IT! JUST STOP YOUR MIND GAMES RIGHT NOW!

WHAT?

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.

I DID IT. I PUT THE DENT IN THE CAR. IT WAS MY FAULT.

NO! YES! YES.

I HAD TO GET ZIT CREAM ONE NIGHT,

AND SHE WOULDN'T GO WITH ME UNLESS SHE COULD DRIVE,

SO SHE PUT THE DENT IN THE CAR, THEN C.J. TOOK THE BLAME FOR US.

WHAT?!

OHH! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO BE HONEST. GOOD NIGHT!

WAIT ONE MINUTE!

YOU SNUCK OUT AT NIGHT, AND YOU DROVE?!

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE.

AND YOU COVERED FOR THE WHOLE THING?!

ALL RIGHT, OKAY. EVERYBODY, MASS GROUNDINGS.

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

OH, YOU MEAN THOSE TWO? THAT'S COOL.

AND YOU JUST ASKED HIM TO STAY.

WELL, I, UH...

WELL...

WOW.

RORY, WHERE'D YOU LEARN HOW TO KISS LIKE THAT?

MY COUSIN.

YOUR COUSIN? EW!

WAIT! NO! IT'S NOT LIKE IT SEEMS!

MY COUSIN'S A GUY!

OHH...