Original subtitles

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DAD.

OH, WELL, YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD.

WELL, WHY WOULDN'T I BE?

I HAVE A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR.

UH, DAD...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

I THOUGHT I'D START THANKSGIVING DINNER.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TAKE A STAB AT COOKING.

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE, UH...?

TURKEYS?

APRONS...

UH, AND THE TURKEY.

DAD, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE GESTURE,

BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO START SOMETHING THAT YOU'VE --

WELL, NEVER DONE BEFORE?

WELL, I DIDN'T HEAR ANY COMPLAINING

ABOUT ME BABYSITTING THE KIDS LAST NIGHT.

BABYSITTING? YOU WATCHED TV.

HEY, ARE ANY OF THEM MISSING -- ANY BROKEN BONES?

YOU'RE WELCOME.

LOOK, DAD. HERE, SIT DOWN.

WHY DON'T YOU START SLOWLY BY JUST, UM, HELPING, UH --

OH, I GOT IT.

HERE'S A CAN. HERE'S A CAN OPENER.

I'M ON IT.

HEY, GRAMPS. WANT TO WATCH THE GAME WITH ME?

OH, I CAN'T, RORY. I'M BUSY OPENING A CAN.

THERE, IT'S DONE.

AFTER ALL THAT, I MAY HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BREAK.

MOM, ARE THOSE GROCERY BAGS?

FROM THE GROCERY STORE?

MOM, PLEASE TELL ME

THAT YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON COOKING THANKSGIVING DINNER.

YOU SAID WE WERE GONNA GO TO A RESTAURANT FOR A QUICK MEAL.

BECAUSE IT DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT THIS YEAR, REMEMBER?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I-I KNOW I SAID THAT A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.

BUT THEN LAST NIGHT I COULDN'T SLEEP,

AND SUDDENLY I KNEW WHY.

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.

I GET UP TWO OR THREE TIMES A NIGHT.

TSK.

THANK YOU, DAD.

BUT WHAT I MEANT WAS,

I SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT I COULD BLOW OFF THANKSGIVING

OR I COULD CHOOSE TO ENJOY THE DAY.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IT'S FOUR OR FIVE.

IF I DRINK ANYTHING AFTER 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON,

I'M A RACEHORSE.

DAD, JUST GO OPEN SOME MORE CANS.

MOM, CAN WE REVISIT THE BLOW-OFF THANKSGIVING THING?

I MEAN, WE KIND OF MADE A CHOICE

TO, UM, GO TO A PARTY AFTER THE RESTAURANT.

ON THANKSGIVING?

IT'S AN AFTER THANKSGIVING PARTY.

THE BURGESS FAMILY EATS REAL EARLY,

AND AMANDA'S BROTHER'S COMING HOME FROM COLLEGE,

AND HE'S BRINGING A BUNCH OF FRIENDS

AND AMANDA GETS TO BRING A FEW FRIENDS, TOO,

'CAUSE THAT MAKES IT EVEN.

SO, MOM, IT'S A MAJOR COUP THAT KERRY EVEN GOT INVITED.

AND EVEN THOUGH YOU THINK

IT'S JUST 'CAUSE I'M HER BIG SISTER,

I HAVE TO SAY,

I THINK KERRY FINALLY MADE IT ON HER OWN MERITS.

YAY, KERRY!

YAY, ME!

WELL, YOU KNOW, GIRLS, AS PROUD OF YOU AS I AM,

GIVE ME A BREAK.

BUT MOM, WE ALREADY MADE PLANS WITH KYLE AND LUKE.

I'M SORRY, BUT -- WHO'S LUKE?

MY SAFETY BAD BOY.

SEE, DAMIAN'S OUT OF TOWN,

AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS.

AWW -- STILL NO.

LOOK, YOU GUYS. I PUT A LOT OF EFFORT INTO THIS.

I EVEN HAVE SOME SURPRISES PLANNED.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A FUN THANKSGIVING -- JUST FAMILY.

OH, DAMN!

SPILLED IT EVERYWHERE.

IN THEORY.

OH, THE DOORBELL.

GEE, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE ON THANKSGIVING?

DON'T YOU, RORY?

I DON'T KNOW, MOM -- THE THANKSGIVING BUNNY?

HI, TOMMY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN?

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO COME IN NOW, CATE,

BECAUSE I'M HEADING DOWN TO THE STADIUM

TO SEE THE LIONS GAME...

IF ONLY I HAD SOMEONE TO TAKE --

SOME BOY --

OH, I CAN'T DO IT, CATE!

COME ON, KID! YOU COMING OR NOT?

YOU GOT TICKETS TO THE LIONS GAME?

OH, MAN! THANKS, MOM!

OOH, TOMMY THANKS.

AW, YOU'RE WELCOME. THAT'LL BE 200 BUCKS.

WHAT AM I SAYING? IT'S THANKSGIVING -- 150.

FINE, ON ME.

BUT HE BUYS HIS OWN BEER.

OH, THAT'S GONNA BE BLUE IN THE MORNING!

HOW MUCH TO TAKE MY DAD?

HEY, GIRLS, UH, LISTEN.

I SENT RORY TO THE FOOTBALL GAME

'CAUSE I WANTED HIM TO BE HAPPY.

AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, TOO.

ARE YOU GONNA LET US GO TO THE PARTY?

WELL, NO.

BUT YOU CAN INVITE KYLE AND SAFETY BAD BOY

TO HAVE DINNER WITH US.

AND GUESS WHO ELSE IS JOINING US?

GRANDMA.

THIS JUST...

KEEPS GETTING BETTER. THANK YOU, MOM.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

GOBBLE, GOBBLE.

GOBBLE, GOBBLE.

GOBBLE, GOBBLE? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

NO, HERE'S THE PLAN. WE GOT THE GUYS IN THE HOUSE.

AT THE PERFECT MOMENT, WHEN MOM'S IN A GOOD MOOD,

LUKE WILL TURN ON HIS CHARM,

SHE'LL GAZE IN HIS SOULFUL PUPPY-DOG EYES,

AND THEN SHE'LL BE MESMERIZED, AND WE ARE SO AT THAT PARTY!

BRIDGET, PLEASE STOP BEFORE YOU SAY "GIRLFRIEND"!

I MEAN, THIS PLAN --

IS ALL WE'VE GOT.

WORD.

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

COME ON, THIRD AND GOAL.

PLEASE, GOD, IT'S THIRD AND GOAL.

LIONS VERSUS THE PACKERS.

WERE YOU EXPECTING THE LIONS VERSUS THE CHRISTIANS?

I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME.

THERE'S NO GAME GOING ON. ALL I SEE ARE FIREWORKS,

AND A GIANT SCOREBOARD TELLING US WHEN TO CHEER.

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I'M GONNA GO GET MYSELF...

DON'T FORGET YOUR DIET.

...A CARROT.

I'M GONNA GO GET MYSELF A CARROT

BEFORE THEY STOP SELLING THEM AT THE HALF.

GOT IT? GOT IT.

YOU KNOW, I WAS AT THE STADIUM ALL THE TIME WITH YOUR FATHER.

YEAH, ME TOO.

YOU'RE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE NOW.

I AM?

IT'S NOT JUST A SAYING --

ALL THOSE WOMEN IN YOUR HOUSE, NO ONE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THEM.

AND YOUR SISTERS? COME ON.

LOOK, SEE, YOUR DAD KNEW

THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF CREEPY GUYS OUT THERE

WHO ARE JUST GONNA POUNCE ON THEM LIKE WOLVES.

WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT.

WELL, NOT EVERYONE IS...SENSITIVE LIKE YOU AND ME.

HEY, LOOK AT THE JUGS ON HER.

OH, MOM. IT'S SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE.

OH, GUESS WHO SAT NEXT TO ME ON THE PLANE?

AN INDIAN!

I MEAN, WHAT ARE THE ODDS ON THANKSGIVING

THAT I WOULD BE SITTING NEXT TO AN INDIAN?

GRAM, IT'S NATIVE AMERICAN.

OH, GOD, YOU SOUND JUST LIKE HIM.

GRANDMA, THAT WAS A GREAT STORY.

HOW ABOUT YOU FINISH YOUR COFFEE?

MOM, LET'S GET DINNER GOING, HUH?

I'M JUST VERY HUNGRY.

HEY, DAD, GUESS WHO DECIDED TO JOIN US?

JIM. HI, KIDDO.

HEY, GRAM.

WHAT KIND OF CHARADE IS THIS?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THIS?

JUST BECAUSE IT'S THANKSGIVING,

YOU THINK YOU CAN GET YOUR MOTHER AND ME TO RECONCILE?

NO, I DON'T.

OH.

GOOD.

SO, RORY, HOW WAS THE GAME?

OKAY.

YOU'RE COOKING?

DON'T ACT SO SURPRISED --

LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME IN THE KITCHEN BEFORE.

I HAVEN'T...

I MEAN, IN ALL THE YEARS WE WERE MARRIED.

NO, WAIT, LET ME BE FAIR.

NOPE, NEVER.

CATE, LET ME HELP. THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE FOR.

OH, SURE, YOU FLY IN HERE ONE DAY.

IT'S EASY TO LOOK LIKE A HERO.

WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING WHEN I WAS OPENING CANS?

HE OPENED CANS?

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO.

IF YOU WANT TO HELP, JUST COME HELP ME SET THE TABLE.

COME ON, DAD.

THEY SHOULD BE HERE BY NOW.

WHO SHOULD?

KERRY, WERE YOU TALKING TO SOMEONE?

NO, I DIDN'T HEAR ANYBODY.

MUST BE THE WIND.

YEAH, BLOWING THROUGH YOUR EMPTY HEAD.

RORY, EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME

GOES IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.

HEY.

SO, YOU MUST BE LUKE.

YEAH, IS BRIDGET HERE?

SO I SEE YOU GOT A MOTORCYCLE.

YEAH.

BET YOU GET LADIES WITH IT.

WELL, I DO ALL RIGHT.

SO, IS BRIDGET HERE?

OH, RIGHT.

I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU FROM YOUR PRECIOUS BRIDGET.

"THANKS FOR THE MONO."

MONO? NO, I DON'T HAVE MONO.

OH, WELL, THEN HER MESSAGE IS --

"SORRY I GAVE YOU MONO."

OH, MAN.

NOW I GOT TO MAKE A LOT OF CALLS.

CHILD'S PLAY.

OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU MADE A PUMPKIN PIE.

ACTUALLY, DAD MADE THAT.

YOUR DAD?

YEAH.

ACTUALLY, MOM, EVER SINCE YOU SEPARATED,

HE'S BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINGS

THAT ARE REALLY UNCHARACTERISTIC --

LIKE DOING LAUNDRY AND NOT SMOKING IN THE BATHTUB.

THAT'S NICE.

HE'S SEEING SOMEONE, ISN'T HE?

NO!

WHY, MOM? DO YOU CARE?

NO, OF COURSE I DON'T CARE.

HAS HE BEEN WHISTLING?

THAT'S A SURE SIGN HE'S GETTING SOME.

UH, MA, JUST SO YOU KNOW,

I WILL NEVER BE OLD ENOUGH

FOR US TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION.

HEY, RORY, YOU'RE GONNA BUILD A FIRE.

GREAT. IT'S A LITTLE COLD IN HERE.

YEAH.

THATABOY.

YOU SURE YOU OPENED THE FLUE?

YES, GRANDPA, I'M SURE.

I WATCHED MY DAD MAKE FIRES ALL THE TIME.

YOU'RE USING A STARTER LOG, HUH?

SORT OF CHEATING, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, WELL, FIRE'S COME A LONG WAY SINCE YOUR DAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WE HAD IN MY DAY?

A LEATHER STRAP AND A WOODSHED.

SO LUKE'S NOT HERE YET?

NO, HE HASN'T SHOWN UP.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.

NOW WE'RE GONNA BE STUCK HERE ALL NIGHT.

OUR PLAN HAS GONE AWRY.

AWRY?

YEAH. I KNOW BIG WORDS, TOO.

YOU MAKE THE FIRE.

NO, YOU MAKE IT.

NO, YOU MAKE IT.

OH, NO -- ALL RIGHT, I'LL MAKE IT.

FINE.

OH, UH, KERRY, HONEY...

WOULD YOU GO GET YOUR GRANDPA A NICE SWEATER?

HEY.

HEY, KYLE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

KERRY CALLED ME AND INVITED ME OVER FOR A LITTLE TURKEY.

THEN WHEN LUKE GETS HERE,

WE'RE GONNA SNEAK OUT OVER TO AMANDA'S PARTY.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

PRETTY AWESOME.

YOU WANT TO GO TOSS THE FOOTBALL?

SURE.

GO LONG.

LONGER!

LONGER!

WOW, I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE.

HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN KYLE?

YEAH, HE'S ABOUT TWO BLOCKS AWAY, WAVING HIS ARMS.

WHAT?

I THREW HIM OUT.

RORY HENNESSY, I AM GONNA KILL YOU.

WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?

SHANNON TOLD JENNA WHO TOLD COURTNEY --

NOT COURTNEY FROM GYM CLASS

'CAUSE SHANNON AND COURTNEY FROM GYM CLASS HATE EACH OTHER

BECAUSE SHANNON POINTED OUT THAT COURTNEY'S BOOBS ARE TWO DIFFERENT SIZES

IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO BLABS --

WELL, ME -- THAT YOU TOLD LUKE THAT I HAD MONO?!

UH, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT MONO?

THIS LITTLE SLUG THREW BOTH OF OUR BOYFRIENDS OUT

EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE OFFICIALLY INVITED.

THEY WERE GONNA SNEAK OUT.

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, JENNA TOLD SHANNON WHO TOLD COURTNEY --

MOM!

WE HAVE TO FIX THIS NOW.

YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE DINNER IN A FEW MINUTES.

FIX WHAT?

THE GIRLS ARE SCAMMING US, CATE.

WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

JIM, DON'T JUST SIT THERE. HELP.

MONEY, MONEY. WHO WANTS MONEY?

DAD -- DAD, WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.

WE'LL HOOK UP WITH THEM AFTER WE EAT.

HOOK UP WITH WHO?

SHOULDN'T WE BE SMELLING TURKEY RIGHT NOW?

Cate: OH -- OH, GOD.

OH -- OH!

THIS THING IS NOWHERE NEAR DONE.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE NOT HAVING DINNER FOR ANOTHER COUPLE HOURS.

A COUPLE HOURS?! WE DON'T HAVE A COUPLE HOURS.

OH, YES, YOU DO! FAMILY MEETING!

FORGET YOU AND YOUR STUPID FAMILY MEETING!

ALL RIGHT. NOW, THAT IS ENOUGH.

ALL I WANTED WAS A NICE CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

DON'T WORRY, CATE. I'LL HANDLE THE GIRLS.

WHAT?!

BACK ME UP ON THIS.

ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY OUT.

I NEED TO TALK TO RORY.

DID YOU SEE HOW THEY SPEAK TO ME?

SIT!

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND YOUR SISTERS?

COME ON!

I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT THEM.

WELL, THAT'S SWEET.

I WAS AFRAID THEY WERE GOING TO TURN

INTO BIG, FAT WHORES.

OKAY, NOT SO SWEET.

HOW COME?

WELL, AT THE FOOTBALL GAME,

TOMMY SAID I WAS THE MAN OF THE HOUSE.

SO?

WELL, WHEN DAD USED TO GO TO THE TIGERS AWAY GAMES

WHEN I WAS LITTLE,

HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY,

"WHILE I'M GONE, ROR, YOU'RE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE."

BUT HE'D ALWAYS COME BACK.

AND I'M JUST AFRAID THAT IF I DON'T FILL HIS SHOES,

THE GIRLS ARE GONNA TURN INTO BIG, FAT --

I-I KNOW, I KNOW.

I KNOW.

HONEY, YOUR JOB IS TO BE A 14-YEAR-OLD KID

AND KIND OF A PAIN IN THE ASS.

I CAN DO THAT.

YOU'RE GREAT AT THAT.

DON'T TAKE ON THIS RESPONSIBILITY.

YOU'RE THE SON. I'M THE PARENT.

I'LL HANDLE THE GIRLS.

SO, AS A PARENT WHO HAS IT HANDLED,

YOU DO REALIZE THAT WHILE WE'RE HAVING

THIS TOUCHY-FEELY MOTHER-SON MOMENT,

THE GIRLS SNUCK OUT TO AMANDA'S PARTY.

WHAT?!

WHOA, MAMA "H" IN THE HOUSE.

OH, GOD.

UH, WE'LL JUST BE IN THE OTHER ROOM

HAVING A NONALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE.

YEAH, THANKS A LOT, GUYS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU GIRLS

WOULD PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS ON THANKSGIVING.

I HAVE BEEN IN THAT KITCHEN ALL DAY PREPARING DINNER.

YOUR GRANDMA FLEW IN FROM FLORIDA,

AND YOUR GRANDPA EVEN MADE A PIE.

AND I TOLD YOU YOU WEREN'T GOING TO THIS PARTY.

WE KNOW, MOM. BUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

THIS IS THE FIRST THANKSGIVING --

I DON'T CARE THAT THIS IS THE FIRST THANKS--

ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

I'VE BEEN DOING MY BEST TODAY.

BUT THIS IS NO PICNIC FOR ME, EITHER.

THE TRUTH IS,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I'M JUST MAKING THIS UP AS I GO ALONG.

A-AND SOMETHING JUST TELLS ME THAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO

IS FOR US TO HAVE DINNER IN OUR HOME

AT OUR DINING-ROOM TABLE WITH OUR FAMILY,

EVEN IF THIS IS THE FIRST THANKSGIVING

WITHOUT YOUR FATHER.

THAT WAS...REALLY NICE, MOM.

BUT WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY WAS, UM,

THIS IS THE FIRST THANKSGIVING

THAT I ACTUALLY GOT INVITED TO AMANDA'S PARTY,

AND...I REALLY WANT TO BE HERE.

YEAH, ME TOO.

BUT, MOM, WHAT YOU SAID WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

OH.

MOM, WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

MOM, YOU'RE LOSING IT IN FRONT OF OUR COLLEGE FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW, ALL I WANTED

WAS TO HAVE A NORMAL HENNESSY THANKSGIVING.

AND I JUST REALIZED I GOT IT!

WITH MY TEENAGE DAUGHTERS TRYING TO DITCH ME TO GO TO A PARTY,

WHAT COULD BE MORE NORMAL?

I'M SO GLAD WE COULD MAKE IT SO SPECIAL.

WELL...BYE.

OH, NO. YOU'RE GROUNDED.

NOW GET YOUR THINGS. LET'S GO.

AND HURRY UP OR I'LL EMBARRASS YOU.

BRIDGET, KERRY...

SORRY I RUINED YOUR PLANS.

HMM.

OW, OW, OW!

DANCE, MONKEY! DANCE! DANCE!

GIRLS, LET GO OF HIM!

GOD, HOW MUCH PRODUCT DO YOU USE?

COME ON, EVERYBODY HELP ME GET INTO THE DINING ROOM.

COME ON.

WHAT?

DAD, YOU'RE WHISTLING.

I'M HAPPY.

EWW!

YOUR MOTHER WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU GUYS ARE READY TO EAT.

SINCE IT'S ONLY 8:00 AT NIGHT, I WASN'T SURE.

DAD...

YEAH, WHAT, HONEY?

IT'S GONNA GET EASIER, RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT I'M HOPING.

YEAH, I JUST WANT TO GET ALL THESE FIRSTS OVER

AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

WELL, YOU GOT A LOT OF FIRSTS TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

YOU GOT FIRST GRADUATION, THE FIRST WEDDING,

THE FIRST GRANDCHILD,

PROVIDED THAT COMES AFTER THE FIRST WEDDING.

YOU KNOW, DAD,

YOU TURNED OUT TO BE A PRETTY GREAT GUY.

HERE COMES YOUR MOTHER. SAY THAT AGAIN.

WELL, I HOPE EVERYONE'S WORKED UP AN APPETITE.

MOM, THIS JUST LOOKS WONDERFUL.

THANKS FOR GOING TO ALL THIS TROUBLE.

OH, HONEY. IT WAS NO TROUBLE.

IN FACT, YOUR FATHER ACTUALLY HELPED ME.

HE OPENED A FEW CANS.

I'M WORKING ON MYSELF.

I'LL SAY.

WELL, THIS COULD TURN OUT TO BE

A PRETTY GOOD THANKSGIVING AFTER ALL.

GRANDMA'S TOUCHING GRANDPA'S CHEEK -- BARF.

THREE KIND OF POTATOES.

ANYONE EVER HEARD OF ATKINS IN THIS FAMILY?

DID YOU KNOW THE HUMAN BODY HAS 27 FEET OF INTESTINES?

I PLAN TO FILL EVERY INCH OF THEM.

WHAT? GROSS, RORY.

OH.

UH...

WELL, DAD...

HERE YOU GO.

RORY...

WOULD YOU DO THE HONOR?

RORY!

YOU'RE MAKING A MESS!

RORY, THAT'S A DEAD TURKEY!

AREN'T YOU FINISHED?

MY CALL. I'M THE MAN OF THE HOUSE.

OH, MAN OF THE HOUSE, ENOUGH!

Rory: I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS YEARS AGO.

RORY!

RORY, YOU MISSED A LITTLE ON THIS SIDE.

RORY!

MOM, STOP HIM!

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.