All language subtitles for 8.Simple.Rules.for.Dating.My.Teenage.Daughter.S01E08.By.the.Book.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Boy, that was nice
to finally go out
to dinner.

- We should do that more.
- Yeah.

- Mom, Dad! Thank God
you're home!
- Rory!

- Girls! Get down here!
- Rory!

- What?
- Yeah, what?

What? How did Rory
get rolled up in a carpet?

They put me in it
for spying on them.

You would not believe him.

I don't want to hear it.
Get down here and
unfurl your brother.

- Who are you?
- Anthony W.

Yo, yo, 'sup, dawg?
"B" to the "K" be here?

I'm sorry, what letters
did you want again?

Bridget and Kerry.
Shoot.
Ain't this their crib?

We gotsta bounce, dawg.
We be benzing over
to the Factory

to catch my dawg
DJ Courvoisier spin.
What, what? Fo' sheez, yo.

- Paul, who's that?
- Jehovah's witness.

- It's Anthony.
- There's my boo.
Boo one, Boo two.

- All right. Bye, Mom, bye, Dad.
- We'll be home by 11:00.

Hold it.

I know you're a gentleman
and a scholar,

- but best be in your rig,
my daughters be grounded.
- That's cold, man.

You embarrassed us
in front of the coolest
guy in school.

After what you just did
to your little brother?

He's the coolest guy
in your whole school?

- I'd hate to see the dorks.
- You have no reason
to punish us.

- We left him a bowl of water.
- Out of reach.

- You could wriggle.
- Lazy.

In your room,
you're both grounded.

What? You've officially
destroyed my life.

You're like a life-destroyer.

I hate you.

I hate you, too.
You are the meanest
father ever.

You're meaner
than Angela's father.

Angela's father did time.

Exactly.

Bathroom, bathroom!

- Hey, babe.
- Hey.

How was your day?

- What are you reading?
- A parenting book.

You should pick
one of these up, Cate.

Let me show you something.

"To, Paul.
Happy Father's Day,
1996. Love, Cate."

Look at that.

So, what's the sudden interest
after all my years of begging?

Well, Cate, I just
figured it's time.

Our daughters are maturing,

it'd be foolish not to use
expert resources

available
right at my fingertips.

They've beaten you down,
haven't they?

They're killing me by inches.

It all started ever since
you went back to work.

- Careful...
- Which I encourage, admire,

and in fact insist upon.

My relationship
with Bridget and Kerry
keeps going further south.

I want to go back
to the days when they
were happy to see me.

Like when I was
a sports writer.

Like when you were on the road

and then came home
with armloads of presents.

Of course they were happy,
you were Santa Claus.

That's when they hated me.

Yeah, let's go back to that.

Is that why you're reading this?
To find an easier, softer way?

Chapter six,
"Finger Pointing
Never Helps."

This is a tool,
not a silver bullet.

Yeah? Well, we'll see.

Hey, girls.
How was school today?

- Why?
- Who called?

- Mr. Cassidy?
He's out to get me.
- Mrs. Baker, she is a liar.

The lunch lady, she hates kids.

What kind of school
do you go to?

Nobody called, I was
welcoming you home and
wanted to know what's new.

- I'm sleeping at
Heather's Saturday.
- I'm at Christina's.

- Unless you punish us
for breathing.
- Warden.

- Watch this.
- Oh, please.

You look like you're
gonna do a magic trick.

- Get ready for the "no."
- Girls, that's fine.

Because I think sleepovers
are a great way to...

...practice your
socialization skills
with your peers

and to learn independence
in a safe environment.

You might want to use
your own words.

- What's wrong with Dad?
- Nothing.

I just want to know
what's new. So,
tell me, what's new?

Oh.

Well, Ashley
wore this tight shirt,

a button popped off,
you could see everything.

Burke was all ,
Heather was all.

So Heather nailed Ashley.
Ashley was all,
"It's an accident."

Heather is such a good arguer,
she could so be a lawyer.

Wow.

And how about you, Care Bear?

Nothing that tops that.

Nothing that requires
or.

Listen, it was great
catching up. Go on up
and start homework.

If you need any help,
you know who to come to, OK?

You see, that was very close
to a civil conversation.

All because of a few
suggestions from the book.

- Well, you forgot one.
- Oh, yeah.

Hey, girls. I know this
is a confusing time and...

...I love you unconditionally.

Hey, Dad? You know,

even though my rugburns
haven't quite healed yet,

I figured I'd help around
the house since you
and Mom work so hard.

Rory, you're not
getting a monkey.

Listen, while I was
separating the colors
from the whites,

this flier fell out
of Bridget's jeans.

Into my hand, open.

Rory, nothing falls out
of her jeans.

It takes the jaws of life
to get in the pockets.

Well, I found the same thing
under Kerry's mattress.

- While you were making her bed?
- You're ahead of me.

Extreme Rockfest?
I've heard about this thing.

Maybe from the trouble
it caused in Washington,
Atlanta and Seattle.

Might not happen in Detroit.

- This Saturday night.
- Saturday?

I guess you have
nothing to worry about.

That's the night
they're both sleeping
at their friends'.

Enough trying to get
your sisters into trouble.

But good work.

You're right, Dad.
It's probably just
a big misunderstanding.

Heather's number is 555-0125.

- Hey, honey.
- You might be
interested in this.

Extreme Rockfest.

Yeah, OK, I'll go.
But only because
we never go out.

No, this belongs to
the girls. They're lying
about their sleepovers.

To go to a concert? Why lie?

Because I'd say no.
Concerts are dangerous,
especially extreme ones.

OK, so they lied to us.

How are we gonna punish
the little sneaks?

I think somebody needs
to take another look
at the book.

If you give me
that raised eyebrow

that's intended to show
you've acquired wisdom
one more time,

I swear, Paul, it's coming off.

I had something in my eye, OK?

This is under
"When You Know
Your Teen Is Lying."

The solution is to present
them with opportunities
to come clean.

Are you sure
you're not looking for
a lenient punishment,

so they don't hate you?

Paul, there is no such thing
as a "good" bad cop.

The book says we shouldn't
be policemen at all.

- You're doing it again.
- What?

Doing this thing.

Anthony's older brother
is coming back from college
to be at this concert.

Howie? The one that
dated the teacher?
He's hot.

He's bringing a girl who
used to date the drummer
of the opening act.

So we could not be
more backstage. Hello?

Hey, Heather. No! What!

Are you serious?
What are you gonna do?

Never mind, I gotta go.

- Oh, my God!
- Heather discovered
she's left-handed?

No, Dad called Heather's
parents. He knows I lied
about the sleepover.

- I'm so incredibly busted!
- You will never see
daylight again.

Aren't you the smart one?

Dad called Heather's parents,

so he probably called
Christina's, too.

- Oh, my God!
- You'll never see
daylight again.

Girls?

I just wanted to say
good night.

- Night.
- Good night.

Oh, and is there
anything else
on your minds...

...that you might want
to share, maybe,
with me... maybe?

- No? Well played.
- What?

Never mind.

I love you, Beach.

I love you, Care Bear.

OK, what just happened?

Maybe he doesn't care
if we go to the concert.

OK, I am the smart one again.

This sucks. How did Dad
know to call Heather
and Christina's parents?

Mom, Dad!

- You want the carpet?
- We can put you in the carpet.

How does Dad know
we lied about our
sleepover Saturday night?

- I don't know.
- We have your comics
collection.

Talk or we'll give it
to Mom and Dad.

So, they're just comic books.

Not the ones over there,
the ones in Rory's
pirate treasure chest.

I had no idea Wonder Woman
likes walks on the beach
and men who cry.

OK. I found the flyers
and told Dad.

I knew it. Why hasn't
he punished us?

He's been using
this parenting book on you.

So you'll do
what he wants you to.

- What?
- I cannot believe him.

- Now leave me alone. Ow!
- Not yet.

- So, where does he keep it?
- Forget it,
I'm not telling you.

Maybe the girls
of the Big Ten
will get you to talk.

I can't believe Dad's
been trying to control us
with a book.

- What are we, lab rats?
- You are so issue-ridden.

He marked the part
on your teen lying.

- Which is, like, never.
- OK, listen to this:

"The most effective punishment
when catching your teen lying

is visible disappointment."

It breaks my heart
when he makes his
disappointed face.

How is this book
gonna get us to Rockfest?

You have so much to learn
about deceiving Dad.

Right here.
We tell the truth, he's
disappointed, we feel bad.

Then he says,
"It's your choice whether
or not to defy me."

And that's to guilt trip us

into making the "mature
and proper decision"?

We are so at that concert.

Hello, ladies.

Rory, what are you
doing in here?

I was thinking
of taking up guitar.

You've always been musical.

Move it.

Rory.

They're Kerry's.
I think she's gay.

You know,

I know you're gonna
find this stuff
alluring at your age,

but it's insulting to women,
to your sisters and to me.

No, Mom. It says on the cover,

"A Celebration of Women."

Yeah, well, celebration's over.

By the way, what are these
doing in your sister's room?

They're blackmailing me.

They made me
tell about Dad's book
so they can outsmart him

and go to a concert.
Punish them, Mother!

That's funny.

No, it's not.
Let's go tell Dad.

You've done enough, and I will.

Yes, I will.

Eventually.

- This is never gonna work.
- Kerry, I'm a chapter
ahead of Dad.

I'm using offensive attacks
opposed to defensive attacks.

It's called strategy.

What do you know
about strategy?

Last week I copied
Justin's homework
on the Civil War,

there was a guy named
Stonewall Jackson,

and he used his best
offensive attacks and
best defensive strategy,

it worked awesome,
the Battle of Bull Run.

- That actually
sounded smart.
- Yeah.

Do you think Stonewall
Jackson is any relation
to Michael Jackson?

And, we're back.

Just do your part.

- So you all set
for your sleepover?
- Uh-huh.

I don't see any sleeping bags.

- Heather has an extra bed.
- So does Christina.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I see.

- So, no toothbrushes?
- OK, Dad, stop!

- We're not going
to a sleepover.
- You're such a snitch!

- Bridget.
- OK, fine.

We're going to the
Extreme Rockfest, I knew
you'd never let us go.

I could just kill you
right now.

I'm sorry, but
I just felt so bad.

Well, girls,
I'm really not happy
about this at all.

Although,
I am glad you decided
to come clean with me,

I'm just very,
very disappointed in you.

Oh, gosh, Dad, I hate it
when we disappoint you.

Doesn't feel good, does it?

No.

What a lesson.

I guess this means
you won't let us
go to the concert.

Guys, you know
this concert tour

is a traveling riot
with a bad soundtrack.

There have been fights,
arrests and skirmishes
with the police

in every city.

- I don't want you to go.
- Dad...

But I'm going to leave
the choice up to you.

I'm not always going to be there
to make decisions for you.

You're old enough
to make your own choices.

Just know, that
whatever you decide...

...you're gonna have to live
with the consequences.

I told you this would work.

- He's watching us.
- What should we do?

Pretend we're
thinking about it.

Look contrite.

No, pensive.

OK, like you washed
your favorite pair
of shoes.

Perfect.

What are you doing?

Teaching the girls
a valuable lesson.

- Where are they?
- In the palm of my hand.

Check it out.

Well, I see
an empty living room.

Oh, no. They probably
just went upstairs

to take a long, hard
look at themselves.

Is there a car upstairs?

- The book said...
- They read the book.

They read the book? Oh, no.

That's bad.

That's not... that's bad.

Bridget, Kerry?

Beach, Care Bear?

Over here, dude.

- I'm Care Bear.
- You?

Yeah, man.

'Cause I'm as big
as a bear and I care.

- Oh, my God.
- So what do you need?

My daughters! Kerry, Bridget!

Anthony!

Thank God! I never
thought I'd say that.

Yo, Mr. Henn, I can't be
seen with you here, dawg.

- You ain't cool.
- Bridget and Kerry?

"B" and "K",
where they be... are?
Where are they?

I don't know.
Maybe they inside.

I ain't gots no Lojack
on your ladies.

I ain't gots no X-ray vision
or Superman whatnot. Shoot.

Don't tempt me.

- Where can I buy tickets?
- They sold out
for weeks, dawg.

You gotsta hit up
that scalper-dawg. He been
scalp-a-lacking all night,

doing some fizoynne bidness,
bling-bling... nahmeen?

- You're coming with me.
- For what?

- Translation.
- Come on,
Mr. Hennessy. Geez.

I couldn't find them.
I don't know where
they are. Call the police.

I will never forgive myself
if anything happens to them
before I punish them.

- Honey, calm down.
- Calm down?!

How am I supposed to calm down?
I can't believe
they manipulated me

- with a parenting book.
- Like you did to them?

I'm a parent,
I'm who the book is for.

If you sit there and attack me
while our babies are missing,

you're not the woman I married.

- For God's sake, Paul.
- It's your fault,
you gave me the book!

Book! Ha!

It's a timebomb, ticking
in this house since 1996.

Ticking, ticking, ticking.

Get over yourself,
the girls are upstairs.

They came home
a half hour after you left.

Of course they did
because the book works

in the hands
of a skilled parent.

Do you even know
what you're saying?

Without that stupid plan
and the book, they would
never have gone.

You wouldn't have gone,
we wouldn't have been
worried sick.

I'm not saying the plan
is without flaws.

The important thing
is the girls learned
a lesson by themselves.

Oh, bull.

The important thing
is you didn't have
to be the bad guy.

OK, I give.
I hate being the bad guy.

Happy? I hate it!
I'll always hate it.

Now, look, Paul,
we all want to be
friends with our kids.

But sometimes, you have
to be a parent first.

- Yeah, so what do I do?
- Go be a father.

Go on.

And don't do
that eyebrow thing.

- It was the greatest
concert ever.
- And we actually left.

What's wrong with us?
Why did we start
feeling so sucky?

- So, how was the concert?
- Terrible.

We felt so guilty
we left after one song.

Your stupid book works.

Forget about the book. Yes.

I came up here to call a truce.

- Are you playing us again?
- No.

Unless you're playing me.

No, no, no. It is a truce, OK?

I'm tired of what's
going on between us.

I try to fool you, you try
to fool me, it's like
we're playing a game here.

You're right, Dad.

I think we should
have more freedom.

How did you get that
from what I just...

No, never mind,
I don't want to know.

Let's stop this gamesmanship

and try to be more
honest with each other.

OK, I'll start.

Why'd you use the book
on us anyway?

Because...

Well, I...

...I thought, maybe...

I don't know. I...
I mean, um...

I was scared that you hated me.

Why would you think that?

Because you said you hated me.

When we say we hate you,
we don't actually mean it.

It's just the way we talk.

Well, it hurts my feelings.

We didn't even know we
could hurt your feelings.

Why did you use
the book against me?

We really hate not going
to concerts and stuff.

Dad, we're also sorry
if we made you worry.

You're forgiven, OK?

You'll have plenty of time
to think about it next weekend

while you clean the attic
as punishment.

- What?
- We were going
to Cedar Point.

Well, now you're not.

You are the worst father ever.

- I hate you!
- I love you, too.

- We really mean it.
- We totally mean it.

Well, it's official.
They hate me again.

Congratulations.
Maybe this will
make you feel better.

Red Wings, center ice.
Where did you get these?

Shoot.

I was kicking it with
my partner, Anthony W,
and I gave him the 411

on how he got "B" to the "K"
all grounded and whatnot.

He said, "Damn, Mrs. Henn.
That's cold.

I gotsta make that right."

So he hooked me these
fizoynne ducats, nahmeen?