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1
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:03,360
Oh, no!
2
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,080
Hello?
3
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:14,560
Eh...
4
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:16,920
SHE SLURPS
5
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,880
HE STRAINS
Ahh!
6
00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,680
Nothing's ever straightforward
in this stupid house.
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Pbbt. Blah!
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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, welcome!
10
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,840
Welcome to Taskmaster,
a fun entertainment show
11
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,760
in the same way that Chairman Mao
12
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,360
was a chilled-out wacky uncle.
13
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LAUGHTER
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00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,960
Let's take a great leap
forward into fun!
15
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,360
Please welcome Ania Magliano...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,800
..Maisie Adam...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,760
..Phil Ellis...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,120
..Reece Shearsmith...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,000
..and Sanjeev Bhaskar!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,680
And next to me, a man who thinks
that men should be men,
21
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and women should be
physically jacked-up enough
22
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to be able to lift those men.
23
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,720
LAUGHTER
24
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:16,960
HIGH-PITCHED: It's...
25
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,840
NORMAL PITCH: He likes
a hench woman...
26
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,960
HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne!
27
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you.
28
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,600
I've got my special hat.
29
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It's my favourite hat.
It's a bucket hat... Yeah.
30
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..with our faces on.
Yeah, nice.
31
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,960
And inside...my bucket list
in my bucket hat.
32
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,320
And the good news is -
well, good news, bad news -
33
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,800
I've almost finished it,
so not much to live for any more.
34
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:39,840
But...almost done.
35
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,960
I've touched a horse,
I've touched a motorbike.
36
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,640
I've done most of them now.
37
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,520
Three left, I've still got
to find an emerald,
38
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,640
sell the emerald on the black market
and buy a speedboat,
39
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:49,960
and then, I'm done.
40
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,440
LAUGHTER
Yeah, OK.
41
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,520
So, what's the punch line?
There's no...
42
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,960
Well... A punch line to this bit
is find an emerald,
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00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,200
sell it on the black market,
buy a speedboat. Buy a speedboat.
44
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,640
Yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45
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HE GASPS
I guess I could try and...
46
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,280
Oh. Ah. It's an emerald, right?
47
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,320
There's an emerald! Ahh.
LAUGHTER
48
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,920
I've found an emerald!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
49
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,080
Yeah, that's my bit done.
Yeah, that's a good bit.
50
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,560
Prize task, please,
my little whippet.
51
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,840
Hmm. I-I'll whip it in a minute,
you cheeky minx.
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00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,200
LAUGHTER
53
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,480
So, the prize task category is
54
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:33,880
a possession that would most confuse
a future archaeologist
55
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,680
if you were buried holding it.
56
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,640
Five points for the best possession,
57
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,520
four new possessions for the winner.
58
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,600
And now, it's back to Flirty Bertie.
59
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,960
Erm, Maisie what thing
did you bring in?
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00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,800
I thought it'd be good
to be buried with
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00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,120
a defining piece of literature,
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00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,640
so I've got it here,
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00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,000
as you see, written with
Egyptian hieroglyphs.
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00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,840
There's the front cover.
And inside, it looks like this.
65
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,960
Hmm. Er, what would be confusing
for the people that eventually
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00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,480
translate it is that
this isn't actually an ancient
67
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,200
Egyptian piece of literature.
68
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,560
Er, it's the Amanda Holden
autobiography...
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00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:12,440
LAUGHTER
..No Holding Back.
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00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,640
And it is a genuine translation
into hieroglyphs of that work.
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00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,560
Is the title No "Holden" Back,
she's put Holden?
72
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,400
No, no, no, you'd think it would be.
Yeah, yeah.
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00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,160
No, this is just No Holding Back.
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00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,400
And you've converted it into
Egyptian hieroglyphics.
75
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,600
Into Egyptian hieroglyphs.
Jesus Christ.
76
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,760
Maisie, this is excellent.
77
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,680
Phil what have you brought in
to confuse an archaeologist?
78
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,160
Yes, it's a photograph of myself.
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00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,880
And here it is.
There we go. What?!
80
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,160
LAUGHTER
81
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,240
REECE: You're on the right?
LAUGHTER
82
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,840
I think it's my 12th birthday.
83
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,440
The thing is, we didn't have a dog.
84
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:52,120
I have no idea who that...
no idea who it is.
85
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,200
Phil why do you think it's going
to confuse an archaeologist?
86
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,360
It's "congratulations,"
so they're going to think,
87
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,720
"Is it a couple?"
88
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,520
LAUGHTER
89
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,920
I reckon they'd find it confusing,
but equally, it's...
90
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,560
I don't think they would Phil. No?
91
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,320
I-I think any archaeologist
who finds this goes,
92
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,120
"Well, here's just a picture of
a weird kid and his dog."
93
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,880
Now, then, Reece, how are you going
to confuse an archaeologist?
94
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,720
I thought it would be unusual
to be buried with something
95
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,040
that could be...
96
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,680
Well, you can't quite work
out what it is,
97
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,520
whether it's an omen, a portent,
98
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:28,120
a-a curse. So, I came up with
being buried with this.
99
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,440
LAUGHTER
100
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,640
It's a mirror with the words,
"Is this you?" on it.
101
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,920
So, they'll open it up.
I'll be like, like that.
102
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,280
And they'll go...snap the bones
to have a look.
103
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,640
And they're looking at themselves,
104
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,520
but they don't quite know
what the message means.
105
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,760
Did I do it? Is it me? Is it me?
Is it meant for them?
106
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,760
Is it just a mirror with
Tipp-Ex on it?
107
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,200
LAUGHTER
108
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,400
There have been quite a few examples
of mirrors found at burial sites.
109
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,720
Oh, right. And it has confused
archaeologists in the past.
110
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,120
Oh! No-one knows quite why
they were buried with them.
111
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,160
Amanda Holden said she'd want to be
buried with her mobile phone,
112
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,440
in case she wasn't dead,
then she could use Insta.
113
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,960
LAUGHTER
114
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,800
Ania, what have you got?
115
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:09,560
I brought in limited-edition
jelly beans.
116
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,640
Yes, she made them.
117
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,600
They look...like this.
SHE LAUGHS
118
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,240
Dual-flavour jelly beans.
119
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,040
I did it all by hand.
120
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,280
Cutting in half jelly beans,
sticking them back together?
121
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,080
So, yeah, I didn't actually think
of using scissors. Right.
122
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,080
But halfway through, my partner
said, "You could use a knife."
123
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,280
What were you using?
Were you biting them? Teeth?
124
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,880
I was using my teeth, yeah. Ah.
LAUGHTER
125
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,080
I was sticking them back together,
some of them just went naturally,
126
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,520
and then, some of them needed
a bit of lubrication
127
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,520
from the old tongue.
MAISIE GROANS
128
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,400
So, you think
the archaeologist's going,
129
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,000
"Oh, there's, there's some
jelly beans here.
130
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,760
"Wait a minute!"
131
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,480
Yeah! "They've been bitten in
half by some mad woman!"
132
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,720
LAUGHTER
133
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:54,080
Oh, please, this is really nice
that I did this.
134
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,000
Ania, I'm telling you now,
I've written down, "Ania, 1 point."
135
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,840
And I haven't even heard
everyone's yet.
136
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,480
LAUGHTER
137
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,680
Can I just say,
the mind is like a parachute -
138
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,160
it works best when it's open?
139
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,480
LAUGHTER
You may say that.
140
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,160
Sanjeev, it's all to play for here.
141
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,720
Well, this would be more confusing
if someone else
142
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,000
was found buried with it.
143
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,960
OK, this is what Sanjeev
has brought in.
144
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,600
Oh. Oh, that...
145
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,160
So, that is a sample of urine.
146
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,200
LAUGHTER
147
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,160
So now, someone else found
buried holding...
148
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,160
Sanjeev Bhaskar's piss.
..a sample of my urine.
149
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,800
Yeah, OK. And a pet-treat gun.
150
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,680
REECE: OK.
MAISIE: A pet-treat gun?!
151
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,080
Yeah. It launches treats into
the air for the...
152
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,640
Yeah, and then, the creature
jumps up and bites it.
153
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,880
"The creature?"
LAUGHTER
154
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,120
You know, the gorilla!
I mean, it might be.
155
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,960
GREG: You, a big dog-lover, Reece?
156
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,880
Is there a link between
the dog catcher and the urine?
157
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,680
You're the archaeologist,
you tell me. No, I see.
158
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,880
I think he's made his point
very well there.
159
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,560
Well, shall we deal with Ania first?
160
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,920
Yeah, Ania 1 point.
161
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,560
Oh. Dog boy...
162
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,480
..let's give him 2.
2 to Phil, well done, Phil.
163
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,360
Let's give the mirror 3.
164
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,800
I'm going to give 4 points
to Sanjeev. Oh.
165
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,720
So, 5 points to Maisie!
Well done, Maisie Adam!
166
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
167
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,000
Right, on we go.
What have you got for me, Alex?
168
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,120
Well, Greg, why don't you have
a good old yank on this?
169
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:21,400
LAUGHTER
170
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,080
Hi.
171
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,800
Ania. Hello. You blend in.
172
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,160
To what? To the wall?
173
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,680
Yeah. You look like the wall.
174
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,920
SANJEEV: Looks like an obstacle
course of some kind.
175
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,400
Yeah, quite an expensive one.
176
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,000
Oof.
177
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,720
Impressive. Thank you.
178
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,120
"Pull something from
that red green...
179
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,040
"..onto this red green
180
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,600
"using this string."
181
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,880
"Throughout your pull, you must
remain on this red green.
182
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:15,040
"Your thing must travel through
or over all the obstacles.
183
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:19,360
"The biggest thing pulled onto
this red green wins.
184
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,960
"You have 15 minutes
and one attempt.
185
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,040
"Your time starts now."
186
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,320
ANIA: OK, let me just have a look,
let me just walk the course,
187
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,600
like in golf.
188
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,520
Very good.
189
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,200
Urine! Didn't expect that.
190
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,920
LAUGHTER
191
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,280
Yeah.
192
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:41,600
SANJEEV: OK, so these are the
things that I can choose?
193
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,400
No, that's a rhino - that's going
to be firing balls at your thing.
194
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,840
Oh, OK.
195
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,800
Well, I don't think we need
to mess around.
196
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,160
Let's fire balls.
Let's assault course.
197
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,040
We start by watching
Ania and Maisie,
198
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,680
and Reece pulling on a thread.
Here we go.
199
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,520
Put a little person on that maybe.
Oh, that's lovely.
200
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,560
Oh!
201
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,200
I think he's going to go on there.
202
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,400
Yeah. Nice, nice.
203
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,640
Those are good wheel...
204
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,960
Fuck off.
205
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,600
LAUGHTER
206
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,440
ANIA: That's pretty big.
It's going to look like a baby.
207
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,640
You're going to be dragging
a baby through the obstacles?
208
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,160
Yeah, it's like a metaphor
for giving birth. Is it?
209
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,320
Right, I'm doing it, I'm pulling!
210
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,040
She's ready.
211
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,520
So, it's a steady pull of a pig?
Yeah, steady pig pull.
212
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:45,920
Pulled pork.
213
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,760
LAUGHTER
214
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,880
Stop firing balls at my baby!
215
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,680
If you had a doctor firing tennis
balls as you were pulling it
216
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,720
out of your...
217
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,960
Are you allowed to say
"vagina" on this show?
218
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,760
Yeah, you can say vagina,
if you want.
219
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,000
SASSILY: Vagina.
220
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,120
LAUGHTER
221
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,440
Why is it going over to
the other side?
222
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,520
I specifically put the wheels
so that it would come to me.
223
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,600
It's going toward the rhino.
224
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,000
Oh, come on.
225
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,240
I don't understand what's
happening with it.
226
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,920
Oh, no!
227
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,000
Alex, please, if you could
help me out a little bit.
228
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:21,560
Oh, thank you.
229
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,800
Ohh! Straightening the pig.
230
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,600
Is it on the bridge?
231
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,080
I think you might have to drag him.
I'm going to drag him.
232
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,000
You have a minute-and-a-half.
OK.
233
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,400
We have movement.
234
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,920
Fuck off, rhino!
LAUGHTER
235
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,680
You're through the door.
236
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,000
Oh, don't lose your momentum. OK.
237
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,760
CROWD GASPS
238
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,480
CROWD AWWS
239
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,560
I could cry.
240
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,840
Can I go? Yes. Thanks. Yeah.
241
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,520
It's survived the saloon doors.
242
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,440
What is a cervix, if not
a set of saloon doors?
243
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,640
LAUGHTER
244
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,360
Uh-oh.
245
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,560
Oh, no, she's caught on the
ledge of the womb.
246
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,800
That's going to snap. OK.
What would you like me to do?
247
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,560
Could you lift it higher, please?
248
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,000
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, that worked.
249
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,480
Final push.
250
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,800
Congratulations - but I will have
to tell Greg what I did.
251
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,360
You were the midwife.
252
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,160
LAUGHTER
253
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,280
No! Oh!
254
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,600
It snapped!
255
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,000
It's failed in its failure.
256
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,640
Can I go untie it? No.
257
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,280
I'm going to do it, I don't care!
OK.
258
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,640
Come on.
259
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,600
Oh, no. Come on!
260
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,760
Oh!
LAUGHTER
261
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,000
I'll just do it round its neck.
Yeah. Come on!
262
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,120
Oh, the scarecrows.
263
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,800
Oh, it's locked!
264
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,720
LAUGHTER
265
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,520
WHISTLE BLOWS
Well done.
266
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,920
APPLAUSE
So easy.
267
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,480
Sorry about the sheep.
268
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,600
APPLAUSE CONTINUES
269
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,160
You're a lot angrier than
I imagined you to be, Maisie,
270
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,560
before you came on the show.
271
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,160
It's like a red mist that descends.
272
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,080
And I've got points to bring up,
by the way. Oh?
273
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,760
You had assistance.
You retied your knot.
274
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,320
It said, "Stay on your green,
pull something onto the green."
275
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,800
It didn't say you couldn't have
help, did it, in the task?
276
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,520
Well, it's... I can't just like
open the envelope, and then,
277
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,600
ring people and be like,
"Can you come and help me?"
278
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,160
Well, unless it says you
can't do that. You can.
279
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,440
LAUGHTER
280
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,120
A-All the information
is on the task.
281
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,720
Fuck off, Greg!
LAUGHTER
282
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,960
Who would you have rung,
and how would they helped?
283
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,360
My friend Jordan. He lives not
too far from where the house is.
284
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,920
You know Jordan? Yeah.
I like her.
285
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,120
LAUGHTER
286
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,760
I don't mean I'd have rang
Katie Price. No?
287
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,920
Why wouldn't you not
have rung Katie Price?
288
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,000
I don't think she would've been
best suited to the...
289
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,880
We're getting off topic here!
LAUGHTER
290
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:16,200
My rope snapped... Yeah.
..and I accepted it and walked off.
291
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:20,160
You've had your baby lifted up
by him. Alex Horne. And then...
292
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,640
LAUGHTER
293
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,800
..you've gone and come off your
green to go and retie them. Yes.
294
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,040
Yet... That's right.
..somehow, I'm the knobhead
295
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,480
for not ringing Katie Price!
296
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,520
LAUGHTER
297
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,440
That saves me summing it up!
298
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,920
Ania, this is one of those moments
where a person's time on Taskmaster
299
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,880
will be defined by one moment.
300
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,840
And I've asked Alex to capture it.
Yes. Oh, God.
301
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,360
This is you, Ania.
302
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,800
SASSILY: Vagina.
303
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,920
LAUGHTER
304
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,440
I don't think I've ever said it
like that before in my life.
305
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:56,120
Erm, she did well -
whatever Maisie might think,
306
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,000
she stuck to the rules. And...
Eh?!
307
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,560
I can't see a rule that Ania broke.
308
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,760
W-Well, you lifted out
her object out the pool.
309
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,720
Yes, because... It's all fair.
..Ania asked him to,
310
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,200
and it doesn't say in the task
that you shouldn't ask.
311
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,320
It just seems like you're maybe not
OK asking other people for help.
312
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,560
LAUGHTER
313
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,080
That is such a beautiful
moment on this show.
314
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:26,280
We're talking about a task given
to one competitor,
315
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,680
and now, we're like, "Oh..."
316
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,880
REECE: Yeah, so keep your nose out!
Eh?! Eh?!
317
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,880
It's got nothing to do with you,
what happened on her day.
318
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,640
It has got something to do with us!
Thank you, Reece.
319
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,240
It's got something to do
with all of us!
320
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,960
We haven't even gone
through all five!
321
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,440
PHIL: They're fighting again!
322
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,640
I've heard enough of it!
323
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,800
SANJEEV: I do love the way that
324
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,960
you're contributing to
the session. Er...
325
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,800
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
326
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,480
What you're saying is
very important,
327
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,800
what you're saying is
very important.
328
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,400
APPLAUSE
329
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:59,560
Well, that rage brings us onto your
attempt very nicely, I think.
330
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,200
I thought I was quite calm for me.
331
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,400
I thought the madness kicked in when
Alex suggested you drag the pig,
332
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,320
and you said,
"I'm going to DRAG HIM!"
333
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,560
And then, you did, I think,
£500 worth of damage
334
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,840
by throwing a sheep at a scarecrow.
Yeah, they were costly. Yeah.
335
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,000
OK. Sorry.
336
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,800
LAUGHTER
337
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,560
All right, we're going to stop
for break number one.
338
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,160
Time to book a holiday.
339
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,520
Might as well - there won't be
any party islands left soon.
340
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,360
Just one big ocean ruled
by a man with gills.
341
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,560
Bye!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
342
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
343
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,320
Hello, everybody,
and welcome back to Taskmaster.
344
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,440
Before the break, we had
a string thing going on.
345
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,440
Yes, I suppose we did, because the
contestants were battling it out
346
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,520
in a war of tugs.
347
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,920
There are just two muscle-bound guys
left to pull the biggest object
348
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,480
from one circle to the other.
349
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,560
Are we still on tugs?
350
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,760
It's our Victorian muscle man,
Phil Ellis,
351
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,760
and the world's strongest
San...jeev Bhaskar.
352
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,160
This is interesting.
353
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,920
Taking the rhino out the equation.
354
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,440
Big...and light.
355
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,560
Come on, then. Well, I...
356
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,440
I'm not sure you'll be able
to pull me.
357
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,480
Well, you've got to have some give.
358
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,960
I mean, you've got legs,
haven't you?
359
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,320
Here's a big ol' boy!
360
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,520
Ow, fuck!
361
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,160
That looks so grim, don't it?
362
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,040
You're trying to tug me
like a dog on a lead.
363
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,760
Well, I wouldn't put it like that.
I mean, look, I mean...
364
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,720
Listen, I could put it
round your neck.
365
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,040
I mean, but I'm not going to.
366
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,880
Right, I'm just going to tie this
gently round your neck.
367
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,720
GEESE CALLING
368
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,880
They didn't expect
to see that this morning,
369
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,440
when they went for a fly.
370
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,120
Good. W-Well, that's no good, is it?
371
00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,320
I mean, you didn't help at all then,
did you? Ten minutes left.
372
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,440
I'll give you some money.
373
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,720
20 quid.
374
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,480
20 quid.
375
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,840
Er, normally you go up
on the second one.
376
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,040
Well, I'll go 25.
OK, have you got the money?
377
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,520
No, not on me.
378
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,960
How long have I got?
Three minutes, 30. Perfect.
379
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,680
Give him a bit of a chance.
380
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,480
OK, I've got a few things here.
381
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,720
I mean, that's obviously got
a handle on it. Yeah, I like that.
382
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,280
Will that help? Yeah, that's good.
383
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,920
I just want just to protect
your head... Right. ..as well.
384
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,240
Right. Here we go.
385
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,200
Oh.
386
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,680
We're off. I'm feeling a tug.
387
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,120
Come on, Vernon!
388
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,520
Come on, boy!
Doesn't look happy. Come on!
389
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,200
Let's get you to that
glue factory, pal.
390
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,680
I know what it's like.
Erm, what the hell was that?
391
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,760
That's the rhino firing
balls at himself.
392
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,280
Don't do it!
There's only three of you left!
393
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,280
Ooh! Ooh!
394
00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:59,480
Good use of shield.
395
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,320
Come on, Vernon!
396
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,400
I'm going to put a small
child on your back
397
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,160
and charge them money
for the privilege.
398
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,320
You've got one minute.
399
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,120
Nice work, Alex. Nice and steady.
400
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,600
Come on, Vernon!
He's doing all right, in't he?
401
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,160
Hey, hey! There's not much pleasure
you get in life that can beat
402
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,400
dragging a lifeless horse over
a child's paddling pool.
403
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,080
What happens here, Sanjeev?
I mean, feel free to duck.
404
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,680
I can't. Oh, can't you?
405
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,120
How long have I got?
Three...
406
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,760
Oh, God, that was quick.
407
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,960
WHISTLE BLOWS
How's that?
408
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,440
Pretty good, innit?
409
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
410
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,560
Excellent. Ah!
AUDIENCE AWWS
411
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,360
Well done. Safe and sound.
412
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,960
Helpful Alex. 25 quid.
413
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,200
And that.
414
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,400
LAUGHTER
415
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
416
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,160
Did you receive the £25
from Sanjeev?
417
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,400
N...No.
418
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,920
AUDIENCE GASPS DISAPPROVINGLY
419
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,520
I didn't have it on me then.
420
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,720
But I do now.
421
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,880
AUDIENCE GASPS APPROVINGLY
Because I made sure...
422
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,640
Cos I didn't know when
the task was -
423
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,520
but every show, I've been...
Oh, you genuinely have!
424
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:25,960
LAUGHTER
425
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,400
..carrying this around.
426
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,800
APPLAUSE
A deal's a deal. Thank you.
427
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,480
MAISIE: Are you all right with this?
No, no.
428
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,840
Are you all right with this? No.
Are you all right with this?
429
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,040
No, I think I may get enough points
that I can be all right with it.
430
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,680
LAUGHTER
431
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:50,360
Er, Phil, you got incredibly
emotionally attached to
432
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,360
an inanimate object.
Genuinely sweet.
433
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,920
Well, I've never been involved
in any kind of teamwork or,
434
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,160
some would say,
long-term friendship. So...
435
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,560
LAUGHTER
..you find love where you can.
436
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,600
You make your own friends.
Exactly.
437
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,840
Size-wise, it was about the size
of the objects that made it over.
438
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,320
Yeah. So, Ania's was the size
of a baby, I suppose.
439
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,360
Yeah. Er, Sanjeev's was
the same size as me.
440
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,240
Weirdly, Phil's horse was
the same size as you. Oh, wow.
441
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,120
It was 4.8 cubic feet -
which famously you are.
442
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,240
I think there's no doubt
that Phil wins the task
443
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,280
and get 5 points.
444
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,920
I-I think, what a great task,
as well, I'd like to say.
445
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,160
LAUGHTER
446
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,480
Are you happy that Sanjeev
dragged me to the other end?
447
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,080
I'm afraid I am.
4 points to Sanjeev, well done.
448
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,120
APPLAUSE
449
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,360
Are you happy that Ania,
with some help,
450
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,720
got the baby to the other end?
451
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,520
I am. 3 points to Ania. OK.
APPLAUSE
452
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,360
So, I guess, rules-wise,
0 points to Maisie, and Reece?
453
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,240
He didn't complete the task,
he broke the rules,
454
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,400
so he can't have any points either.
455
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,600
So, 0, 0, but Phil Ellis is
the winner of the task
456
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,000
with 5 points! How amazing!
457
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,600
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
458
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,440
Er, can we see the scores, please?
Yes, well, I can tell you that was
459
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,800
the first time that Phil has
won a task so far. Yes!
460
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,520
Almost halfway through the series.
461
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,080
Well done, Phil. Well done, Phil.
462
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,800
And what a task to win, as well.
Oh, I know.
463
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,600
And just by following the rules.
LAUGHTER
464
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,560
It means, Phil,
you're in second place,
465
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,080
but in the lead, with 8 points,
it's Sanjeev Bhaskar!
466
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
467
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,400
Shall we have another task?
468
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,800
Er, yes, now you...would you...?
469
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,000
I don't want to make things tricky,
but do you mind if I just...
470
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,400
Do you w...? Yeah. Would that be
all right, if I just...?
471
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,120
Yeah. Just...
472
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,600
Oh.
473
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,360
LAUGHTER
474
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,360
OK. Happy? Yeah.
475
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,520
Are you?
476
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,840
Not as happy as you. No.
477
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,280
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
478
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,600
OK, well, here we go.
479
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,840
Ania! Hello.
480
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,200
Sanjeev!
481
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,160
Nothing for me, OK. Have a seat.
LAUGHTER
482
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:04,800
Have a seat.
483
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,960
No, go on. Are you sure? Yeah.
484
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,880
I mean, we're both meant to,
shall we both try? Yes, let's.
485
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,920
We look like we're about
to do a duet. I know.
486
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,720
Let's go one cheek each.
487
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,680
I've got a tiny arse, to be honest,
so I can probably do this.
488
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,600
Oh, it's awkward. I'm getting cramp.
489
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,120
"Make things genuinely awkward.
490
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,320
"Most genuine awkwardness wins.
491
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,080
"You have 20 minutes.
492
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,480
"Your time starts now."
493
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,680
That's really hard...
494
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,840
I - wait, for who? For who?!
495
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,920
It doesn't have to be for us!
496
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,800
We could make Alex awkward.
497
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,720
Maisie...
498
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,240
..you all right?
Hmm, yeah, yeah.
499
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,800
Yeah. It's really awkward.
SHE SHUDDERS
500
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:57,480
SANJEEV: Could we just ask you
some more questions?
501
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:58,520
So, you know...
502
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,040
Alex, just look away, I'm going to
start taking my clothes off. Right.
503
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,520
Alex, look at me, I'm about
to start taking my clothes off.
504
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,240
Right, er, oh, you want me to look
at you, and not look at you? Right.
505
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,200
Who do you think's funniest me,
or you?
506
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,000
Er...yeah, no..
Alex, who is funnier,
507
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,480
and who has been funnier?
Out of you two?
508
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,240
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that's difficult.
509
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,680
But... Is it awkward?
For me? No.
510
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,400
No, Maisie's been funnier.
511
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,040
LAUGHTER
512
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,840
APPLAUSE
513
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:34,600
I can't wait to see the horrors
of what you've got planned.
514
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,320
I was immediately awkward by
everything that happened in that.
515
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:38,920
But I know it gets worse.
516
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,720
Well, let's see
the first team's attempt -
517
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:42,840
and, slightly awkwardly,
it's the team of two,
518
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,880
with Sir Shearsmith and
Madame Adam.
519
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:55,080
Thank you everyone for coming to...
Josh's memorial.
520
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,960
Er, as my son, he was obviously
the apple of my eye,
521
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,040
and, we had such high hopes for him.
522
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,320
Yeah, and one of the teachers
that always used to, erm,
523
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,160
inspire him was Miss Reuben.
524
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,080
Miss Reuben's here,
who has very kindly said,
525
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:13,920
agreed to say a few words on...
STIFLES FAKE SOB
526
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,280
..about Josh. I-I'll just go now.
OK, thank you. Good.
527
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,880
Thanks so much.
528
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,320
Ahem.
529
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,000
So...
530
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,400
Yeah, so...
531
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,600
What was your name, sorry?
It was...
532
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:25,920
Alex. Alex, Alex.
533
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,520
Sorry, my son was Josh.
534
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,920
Yeah, yeah. He died.
Ahem. Yeah, yeah.
535
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,800
So, as Alex has just said,
536
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,160
I was fortunate enough to teach,
537
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,440
er, Jack - Josh, Josh.
Yeah, Josh.
538
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,480
Er, a lively character...
539
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,520
Er, not now, obviously, but..
LAUGHTER
540
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,680
Frankly we had,
we had quite a few...
541
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,480
..quite a few cleverer kids
i-in the class.
542
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,600
Erm, in fact, I used to say
"cleverer", and then,
543
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:53,840
he'd put his hand up and go...
544
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,920
NASALLY: .."Cleverer's not
a word, actually."
545
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,200
Erm, which did used to rile me up.
546
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,480
Just one of those people that
thought he was smarter than he is.
547
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,880
I'm not sure that...
And I always used to think, like,
548
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,400
you know, like father like son.
549
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,360
Cos I remember you from a lot
of parents' evenings.
550
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,440
You never lost faith,
I'll give that to you.
551
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,440
You would always go,
"It's in there somewhere,"
552
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,160
and it wasn't. It was never there.
553
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,560
It wasn't - and I tried, so...
554
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,280
Thank you.
But thanks again for coming,
555
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,120
thanks again for coming.
And God bless...
556
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,120
Thank you. ..us all.
557
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,200
Now, my wife would like
to say a few words.
558
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,520
You know my wife, don't you?
Yeah, I do know your wife.
559
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,160
Cos I've seen you both together!
560
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,400
Oh.
561
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,440
AWKWARD LAUGHTER
562
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,480
SPITEFULLY: Thank you for coming.
Right.
563
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,720
I'm leaving... OK.
..my own son's memorial.
564
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,400
Cheers. That's Alex...
Josh's dad there.
565
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,840
Erm, cake is served in the...
566
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,640
FUNEREAL ORGAN PLAYS
567
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,480
..by the font.
568
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,120
LAUGHTER
569
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:48,560
Wow.
570
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,600
It was pretty strong,
I thought. Yeah.
571
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,040
It was pretty excruciating.
So, they left the room.
572
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,160
They just decided to do some improv
about a funeral, came back in.
573
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,720
So, they didn't know what
they were going to say
574
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,000
and it was tense in the room.
575
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,960
And the teacher was having a l...
a lesbian affair? Mm-hm.
576
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,160
We think, we think so.
Well, we...
577
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,400
LAUGHTER
"We think so"?
578
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,200
Our idea was to do bad improv,
579
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,960
because there's nothing worse
or more awkward
580
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,440
than improv when it's bad.
581
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,880
Oh, I just thought you were
bad at improv, but...
582
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:23,440
LAUGHTER
583
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,520
We're at the halfway point of
the episode. Advert time.
584
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,160
What are you going to do about it?
585
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,200
What you lookin' at? Shut up.
LAUGHTER
586
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
587
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:38,240
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
588
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,760
Hello, and welcome back to
the start of part three.
589
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,240
Things were awkward
before the break -
590
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,640
and it's not about to get any
less awkward now, is it, Alex?
591
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,000
That's right.
Most genuine awkwardness wins.
592
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,800
And now it's time for the team
of three who, let's face it,
593
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,440
are awkward just to look at.
594
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,400
It's Ania, Phil, and Sanjeev.
595
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,360
Oh, you're back.
Alex, would you mind...?
596
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:58,680
Just come and sit there.
597
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,840
Just have a seat.
598
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,200
If you could just grab that.
599
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,880
Thank you. Do I need this?
600
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,120
No, you don't need that.
601
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,720
Thank you, Sanjeev. Hello, Ania.
602
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,160
TENSE MUSIC PLAYS
603
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,800
It's better for us
if you're just honest.
604
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,840
You know, which one of us...
605
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,840
..would you rather have sex with?
606
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,680
SHOCKED LAUGHTER
607
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,040
Your answer here will
either make you
608
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,600
a racist or a sexist.
609
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,200
Ooh. So...
610
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,120
Bearing in mind, I'm 15.
611
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,720
How old are you, Sanjeev?
I'm older than 15.
612
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,400
I'll have sex with you, Sanjeev.
613
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:42,760
I think that's sexist.
614
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,480
Because, I mean, during the week,
615
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,080
you were very happy to kind of
contemplate the bits.
616
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:50,360
My body. Yeah, exactly.
617
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,600
You remember what you
called my hole.
618
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,520
It was French? It sounded French.
619
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,000
Was it l'ecole? "The school"?
620
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,800
Ooh! You called my bumhole a school?
621
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,320
Bumhole? Wow.
622
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,840
We have got another thing you
could help us with
623
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,200
to maybe make it feel better...
Yeah.
624
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,880
..which is that you could
wash our baby.
625
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,920
I don't mind washing your baby.
OK, excellent.
626
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,360
All right, baby.
627
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,000
Baby's so dirty.
628
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,200
Right. Don't like that.
629
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:27,960
Please be thorough.
630
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,240
Thorough.
631
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,120
Do your knees.
632
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,880
PHIL GIGGLES
Are you still dirty?
633
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,800
Baby hungry. No... N-No.
634
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,160
Baby hungry!
635
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,800
Baby hungry.
636
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,480
SHOCKED LAUGHTER
637
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,640
Hmm.
638
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,480
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
639
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,960
OK, go to sleep now.
640
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,360
I'm 43. Yeah. I'm 46.
641
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:01,640
Mm!
642
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,600
APPLAUSE
643
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,160
I mean, what's wrong with you?
Jesus.
644
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,320
ANIA GUFFAWS
645
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,440
The word "hole"...
646
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,840
The word "hole" was horrible.
647
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:25,400
But I wasn't expecting to be...
there to be an anal sex reference.
648
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,760
Yeah, it was not the...
SASSILY: ..vagina.
649
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,160
Yeah, this is going to be
a challenge for
650
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,280
the children's version of this show.
651
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,400
I would argue you can't show footage
652
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,920
of a grown man sucking from
another man's teat.
653
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,760
We did not plan that bit. No.
654
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,600
But they left me on my own.
I was like...
655
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,800
Oh, was that spontaneous, that?
I panicked!
656
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,560
LAUGHTER
657
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,440
SANJEEV: We're also very aware
that you've played
658
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,600
the very short version
of what happened.
659
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,440
LAUGHTER
660
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,640
Erm, I mean, I'm horrified
by both teams' efforts,
661
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:04,120
but I would give one more point
to the team of three.
662
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,320
So, I would give them 5 points,
and the team of two 4 points.
663
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,200
There we go, well, well done,
both teams. Well done, both teams.
664
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:12,760
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
665
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,280
Right, let's have another task,
Alex. Sure.
666
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,680
And guess who forgot where
he put the paintbrushes.
667
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,200
Ooh, hello.
668
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:42,240
Hello, Ania.
669
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:43,960
How are you?
670
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,960
Er, tickety-boo. Yeah?
671
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,120
Erm, I'm well.
If you're bothered.
672
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,960
No, I'm just here to record
what happens. Right.
673
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,680
"Do the most accurate finger
painting of the person on
674
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,320
"the other end of the phone.
675
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:04,000
"You may only use four-letter
words when speaking to them.
676
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,280
"And every other reply
will be a lie.
677
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,920
"You have a total of ten minutes.
678
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,800
"Your time starts when
the phone rings."
679
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,040
Good luck.
680
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,520
SANJEEV:OK.
PHONE RINGS
681
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:16,800
And we're off.
682
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,040
Erm, hello.
RINGING CONTINUES
683
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,360
Hi, hi!
684
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,920
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
685
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,440
Four-letter words seems
an unusually cruel rule.
686
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:32,800
It's tricky. Very tricky.
687
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,960
I don't think there's much
to discuss, let's just crack on
688
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,320
and do some finger painting.
689
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,040
Yes, the person they are painting
690
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,040
can only say the truth
every other answer.
691
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,680
First to finger paint are
Ania and Sanjeev.
692
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,280
PHONE RINGS
693
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,120
Hiya.
694
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,120
VOICE ON PHONE: Hello.
How are you?
695
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,680
Er, fine thank you.
696
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,680
Erm, er...
697
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,040
Cool.
698
00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,280
Er, cool?
699
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,520
I'm cool, yeah. Great.
700
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:06,600
What, er, head?
701
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,200
I do have a head.
702
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,080
Face? I do have a face, yes.
703
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,520
Chin? Er, I have three chins.
704
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,400
That does... OK.
705
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,880
A little more complicated
than I thought.
706
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,040
Size nose?
707
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,520
Er, I don't have a nose.
708
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,480
They don't have a nose -
no, that's a lie.
709
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:26,760
We're narrowing this down.
710
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,680
Er, name?
711
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,080
Er, John.
712
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:31,320
John.
713
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,720
So, this is something that
I do want to know.
714
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:37,960
Sexy?
715
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,240
Er, very.
716
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:42,720
Very.
717
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,520
And that's true.
718
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:45,560
John?
719
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,640
No, my name's not John,
my name's Andrew.
720
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,200
OK. Er, John?
721
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,760
Er, yes, my name's John.
722
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,160
Erm, hair?
723
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,200
Er, no, I'm bald.
724
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,440
Oh, hair?
725
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,600
Er, yes, I do have hair.
726
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,600
Are you working out a tactic here?
Not really.
727
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:04,280
I don't know what I'm doing.
728
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,400
What wear...yous?
729
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,800
Yeah. I came straight from work,
straight from the kitchen.
730
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,760
So, I do think they're in
a chef outfit.
731
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,240
Any idea what John's wearing?
732
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:20,280
No, I can't find another word
in my head for...clothes.
733
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:24,800
Mess upon your...garb?
734
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,400
No, I wouldn't say so.
735
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,000
Suit? I'm not wearing a suit no.
736
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,880
Suit? Er, yes, I am wearing a suit.
737
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,360
Long hand?
738
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,720
Yeah, I do have a long hand.
739
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:35,760
Oh, that's a lie.
740
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,760
Oh! Shoe size?
741
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,960
Er, small. Small.
742
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,160
He's got small feet with
his short hands, has he?
743
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,960
SHE CHUCKLES
Sounds like a right catch.
744
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,880
Ring?
745
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,920
No, I wouldn't say so.
746
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,800
You haven't said anything
to John for a minute now.
747
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,800
I can't multitask,
that's the problem.
748
00:33:58,840 --> 00:33:59,840
Ah, wrong show.
749
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:03,240
You're going to have to hang up on
John in a second. Any final words?
750
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,400
Erm, lo...love...
751
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:07,720
..y-you?
752
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:10,360
I do love.
753
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,760
I think we had a real
connection there.
754
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:15,280
Bats.
755
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:17,880
Bats?
756
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,240
I love bats.
757
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,680
Excellent.
WHISTLE BLOWS
758
00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:24,720
Great, well, thank you
so much, Sanjeev.
759
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,200
Thank you very much for that.
760
00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:29,440
SHE GASPS
You're kidding!
761
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:30,960
Oh, my God.
762
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,200
LAUGHTER
763
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,360
Was he behind me the whole time?
764
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,120
Yeah.
765
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,240
Ahh!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
766
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,200
What did you mean, "Bats?"
767
00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:51,040
Bats.
768
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:52,960
Yeah, it didn't mean
anything other than bats.
769
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,680
It was a minute-and-a-half
of silence,
770
00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:57,000
then bats, bats, hang up.
LAUGHTER
771
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,160
Ania just seemed to be
on a dating app,
772
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,000
as far as I can work out.
773
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,440
It looked like - I think I looked
like I was on a dating app,
774
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,480
and then, I say this with
the utmost respect to Sanjeev,
775
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,840
it looked like he was
a person getting scammed.
776
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,200
LAUGHTER
777
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,400
We can see Ania's and Sanjeev's,
while we're on the subject of them.
778
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,360
So, Ania drew this.
779
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,600
Not...not terrible.
780
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,160
The right sort of clothing.
The gentleman is here.
781
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,040
That's pretty good.
The essence of the...
782
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,400
It's surprisingly all right,
isn't it?
783
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,760
And flip over to Sanjeev.
Bats, bats.
784
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,200
Oh, my God! You see the bat?
785
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,920
I think, if you took his hat off,
786
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,760
I don't think that's
too far off him, actually.
787
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,720
Well, let's have a look at him.
It's not a million mile...
788
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,240
It's not as far as I thought
it'd be. Well, it's a man.
789
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:41,480
LAUGHTER
790
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,760
Both better than I thought
they would be.
791
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:45,600
Right, one part to go.
792
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,240
Who will amass the points needed
793
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,480
to stand victorious on the stage?
794
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,720
Sanjeev's second urine
sample of the series
795
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,560
is not going to win itself!
796
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,920
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
797
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
798
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,840
Thank you, it's the final
part of the show,
799
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,600
and we've gone back to preschool
for some finger painting.
800
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,600
Yes, Mr Davies, they're
trying to paint the man on
801
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:11,960
the other end of the phone,
802
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,800
in the phone box that was
directly behind them.
803
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,720
Remember, they may only use
four-letter words
804
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,960
when speaking to him,
and every other reply will be a lie.
805
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,640
Remember that.
806
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,520
Maisie, Phil, and Reece.
Remember that.
807
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:25,560
LAUGHTER
808
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,120
PHONE RINGS
809
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,560
Hello?
Well, they won't reply to that.
810
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:32,880
Hiya.
811
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,720
Hello. Erm...
812
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:37,480
..face?
813
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:38,800
I do have face, yes.
814
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:41,320
Nice face?
815
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:44,240
I've actually got a pretty
ugly face, to be honest.
816
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,720
Oh, OK. Sorry to hear that.
817
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,200
PHONE RINGING
818
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:53,800
Erm...
819
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,040
Name?
820
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,240
Andrew.
821
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,640
Er, am I expected to know
this Andrew?
822
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,800
You're expected to paint him.
823
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,120
Hair?
824
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,480
I don't have any hair.
825
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:10,520
Eyes?
826
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,200
I do have eyes.
827
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:15,520
Blue? They are blue, yes.
828
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,800
Ah. We're off.
829
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:18,840
We're off, great.
830
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,560
Eyes blue?
831
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,120
My eyes are not blue.
832
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,720
They're hazel. Right.
833
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,000
HE CHUCKLES
834
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,440
I don't even think that's a colour.
That's grey.
835
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,400
How have I got grey
from green and red?
836
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,320
You don't have to answer that,
they weren't four-letter words,
837
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:32,720
it's just nice to know you're there.
838
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,960
High nose? Er, have high...
have high nose?
839
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,240
Er, yes, high. Blue nose?
840
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,080
I also have a blue nose, yes.
841
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:43,240
You have a blue nose? Oh, come on!
What is this, Papa Smurf?
842
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,560
MAISIE: Hair?
I do have hair, yes.
843
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,880
Lots? No, I'm bald.
844
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,360
You just said you had hair, mate.
845
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,600
Oh, I was going to ask him
if he had big ears, but...
846
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,920
If I'd have said ears, he wouldn't
know that I mean size, would he?
847
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,680
Ears...size?
848
00:38:01,720 --> 00:38:04,200
LAUGHTER
I've got small ears.
849
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,400
Oh! Not big ones.
850
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:07,680
Body?
851
00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:09,200
I do have a body, yes.
852
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:10,880
Bigs?
853
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,680
Er, yes. Large.
854
00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:14,200
He's got a "bigs" body. Has he?
855
00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:16,360
Coat? Yes, I am wearing a coat.
856
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:17,600
Cool coat?
857
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,560
Er, I would say it would
quite cool, yeah.
858
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,440
He's got a cool coat, has he?
Yeah, it's a black leather jacket.
859
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,280
I think it might be Danny Zuko.
860
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,760
MAISIE: What make...jobs?
861
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,560
I make spaghetti Bolognese.
862
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,960
That's your job?
Spag boll...two Ls?
863
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:34,600
No, that's not right.
864
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:35,640
That's not right.
865
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,800
I don't think I care.
866
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,560
Can I ask you something, Reece?
Yeah.
867
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,280
How are you getting on with
the truth-and-lie system of this?
868
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,640
Have you remembered that?
869
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,000
Oh...
870
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,760
LAUGHTER
871
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,200
I've...I hadn't been
considering that.
872
00:38:55,240 --> 00:38:57,120
Right. I'm off now.
873
00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,120
You've been really,
really unhelpful.
874
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,160
WHISTLE BLOWS
875
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:02,360
Goodbye, Andrew.
876
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,120
Nice talking to you, liar.
877
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:05,160
HE GROANS
878
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,640
I'm going to miss our chats.
Yeah.
879
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,600
Not good for my blood pressure,
this, you know? Any of this.
880
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,680
LAUGHTER
881
00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:16,520
APPLAUSE
882
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,200
The fact that they all made the same
mistake is fascinating enough.
883
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:25,800
I think we should just see
the pictures. Yeah.
884
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:26,880
Let's get to the goods.
885
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,400
Maisie was furious that
he wasn't apparently telling
886
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,320
the complete truth, and this is what
she painted with her fingers.
887
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:33,400
"You liar!"
888
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:36,040
LAUGHTER
889
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,200
Er, the info I got was blue nose,
890
00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:41,960
spaghetti Bolognese, and no body.
891
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:43,240
So, I think I...
892
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,800
I-I genuinely left that
caravan thinking,
893
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,000
"Nailed that."
"I've smashed this." Yeah.
894
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,440
You thought that man was on
the end of the line?
895
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,480
So, Maisie did that. Phil did this.
896
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,000
Ooh. Ooh!
897
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,160
PHIL: Daddy cool.
898
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,960
Yeah, I mean, straight away,
you went to Fonz. Yes!
899
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,600
Reece, renowned artist, did this.
900
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,200
LAUGHTER
901
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,120
And I...
902
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,360
Can I...? What was the answer
to the question, "Bigs?"
903
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,840
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
904
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,280
Why did I think,
very definitely, red shoes?
905
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,000
How could I have got that from him?
906
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,320
And that's the thing that
worries you about your drawing?
907
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:27,720
All five with our chef Andrew -
that's his name - here.
908
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,840
Is this not really about
who's good at art?
909
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,240
Cos, you know, you could say
I-I've captured his spirit, his...
910
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:34,600
LAUGHTER
911
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,880
The rule was, do the most
accurate finger painting.
912
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,920
Oh, now we're in the rules, are we?
LAUGHTER
913
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:41,960
So, here we go. Points? Yes.
914
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,720
Least-accurate first please, Greg.
915
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,120
Well, I don't think that Maisie
will be annoyed with me for this.
916
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,040
I, er, you'd think wrong!
LAUGHTER
917
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,200
But because, with the best
will in the world,
918
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:53,960
as charming a character as that is,
919
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,000
it does not look like a human.
920
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,560
So, 1 point to Maisie.
1 to Maisie, good.
921
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,720
And I'll give Sanjeev 2 points.
Ooh, unlucky Sanjeev, 2 points.
922
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,560
Oh, that's a bit harsh.
Phil, 3 points. Phil 3, OK.
923
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,960
Erm, Reece has captured
his haunted look.
924
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,160
REECE: See?!
925
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:13,160
But, you know, Ania's,
I mean, somehow, that...
926
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,640
..forgive me, Ania, shit painting
927
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,480
does look most like a chef.
928
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,680
Wow. So, against all odds,
she takes 5 points.
929
00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:24,560
Wow, there we go. Ania, 5 points!
930
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,720
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
931
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,960
Right, what are the scores, Alex?
932
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,200
I can tell you that in the series,
933
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:35,760
Phil and Sanjeev are joint-last,
with 70 points each.
934
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,880
But in this episode,
they're joint-first
935
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:39,680
with 15 points each! Oh, yeah!
936
00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:42,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
937
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:46,560
All right, everyone, can you
make your way to the stage
938
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,400
for the final task of the show!
939
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:55,960
Hello, you angel. Hello.
940
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,640
Who will be reading the task?
941
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,280
I think Sanjeev should. OK.
942
00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:06,440
"Eat the lame duck,
or don't eat the lame duck."
943
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:07,800
I'm going to stop you there.
944
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,440
Is there an accent on the E?
945
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,200
ANIA LAUGHS
946
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,120
Yes, there is. Ahem!
947
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,920
"Ay-at" the lame duck...
948
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:21,880
That's good! Very good.
949
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,680
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
That's good.
950
00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:26,760
Thank you very much.
OK, here we go.
951
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:30,400
"Eat the lame duck,
or don't eat the lame duck.
952
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,240
"If you are the only person
to eat the lame duck,
953
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:34,640
"you win 5 points,
954
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,480
"and everybody else loses 1 point.
955
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,840
"If more than one person
eats the lame duck,
956
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,120
"all lame-duck eaters
lose 3 points,
957
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,960
"and the lame-duck refusers
gain 3 points." What?
958
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:49,920
"If no-one eats the lame duck,
959
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:53,120
"you must each give Greg £25."
960
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,080
LAUGHTER
961
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,360
"If everyone eats the lame duck,
962
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,800
"Alex will give you each £25.
963
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,160
"You have two minutes."
964
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,520
You've got to make the choice.
965
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,920
Do you eat the duck,
or not eat the duck?
966
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,640
Vegan chocolate, I will tell you
now, is delicious.
967
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,200
Are you ready?
ALL: Yeah.
968
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:14,880
Eat or not eat vegan lame ducks.
969
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:16,960
WHISTLE BLOWS
Listen, I say we all eat it.
970
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,920
Yeah. We all get 25 quid.
971
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:20,600
Yeah. We all lose 3 points.
972
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:21,840
Yeah. What?
973
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:23,760
PHIL: Do we not lose 3 points
if you eat it?
974
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,120
Because, if more than
one person eats the duck,
975
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,080
all the duck eaters lose
three points.
976
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:31,880
That leaves us where we are anyway,
but we're all 25 quid richer.
977
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,640
Yeah.
REECE: But 3 points less.
978
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,040
Yeah, but across the board.
Yeah.
979
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,720
But you're already
25 quid down today.
980
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,320
That's why you want to...
Well, don't worry about me, but...
981
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:43,360
LAUGHTER
982
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,080
ANIA: I want to eat the duck,
cos it smells really good.
983
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:47,200
Another good reason.
984
00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:49,520
MAISIE: Well, then, good news,
you can eat the duck and get £25.
985
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,000
That feels like the win-win.
986
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,560
How do you do that?
By eating the duck.
987
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,080
We all eat the duck.
Yeah, we all eat the duck.
988
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:57,400
If we all eat...
989
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,960
LAUGHTER
990
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,440
If we all eat the duck,
991
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,560
we'll all get £25 and no points.
992
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,240
But if one of you fails to uphold
their end of their bargain...
993
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,320
Yeah, but we won't, cos we'll all
eat the duck, won't we?
994
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,960
PHIL: I-I, well, listen, why don't
you all pass me your ducks now?
995
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,880
LAUGHTER
..and then, we'll know, won't we?
996
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,680
Quick as you can.
997
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:18,800
Yeah, but do we trust Phil
not to eat all the ducks?
998
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,840
Well, that would be the thing,
wouldn't it?
999
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:22,600
We each have our duck,
we can eat it.
1000
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,040
If all of us do it.
1001
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:29,120
I was voted Most Trustworthy Person
in my primary school.
1002
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:30,880
LAUGHTER
1003
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,600
22 seconds of decision-making left.
Right. Oh, no.
1004
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:35,040
What do we reckon?
1005
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:38,040
AUDIENCE OOHS
1006
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,640
Anyone?
ANIA: Guys, I ate mine.
1007
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,200
Y-You're going to eat yours.
I'm going to eat mine.
1008
00:44:42,240 --> 00:44:45,080
REECE: No! What?
Are you eating them?
1009
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:46,120
Five seconds left!
1010
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,080
Are we eating them now?
Four, three... Yes!
1011
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,760
Are we eating them? Eat, eat, eat!
1012
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,320
LAUGHTER
WHISTLE BLOWS
1013
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,920
Stop!
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
1014
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,640
Did someone not eat their duck?
We will find out.
1015
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:00,920
LAUGHTER
1016
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:04,040
We will find out. I did not expect
that to be so exciting.
1017
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,120
Alex, go and clear up.
1018
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,480
Come down here and join me,
1019
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,040
and we'll see how that's affected
the final scores!
1020
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:12,560
APPLAUSE
1021
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:19,560
Well, well, well.
1022
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,840
Any duck-gobbling treachery?
1023
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,600
There was a bit - I think they
all agreed to eat their duck.
1024
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,040
D-Did somebody not?
1025
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,400
Somebody did not.
1026
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,200
THEY ALL GASP
1027
00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,280
Murder most foul!
1028
00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:36,840
Are you j... Who, who?
1029
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,000
Reece, is it you?
1030
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,560
Yeah. Reece!
MAISIE GASPS LOUDLY
1031
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:43,840
Reece Shearsmith did
not eat his duck,
1032
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,080
and if only one person
didn't eat his duck,
1033
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,040
everyone else loses 3,
and he gains 3.
1034
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,880
Wow. Wow. Wow. Noted.
1035
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:52,280
You know why that happened?
1036
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:53,880
I didn't understand the rules.
1037
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,760
LAUGHTER
1038
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,760
Sure you didn't get the rules,
Macbeth.
1039
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,760
Reece! But there's more, Greg.
1040
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,200
Ahh!
1041
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,120
And this time,
I want to show you this.
1042
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,160
What do you mean?
1043
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:10,360
AUDIENCE OHHS
1044
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:11,840
He didn't eat his duck!
1045
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:13,760
ALL GASP
1046
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,360
I've still got it.
1047
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,040
PHIL: I sucked all the gold off.
1048
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,200
LAUGHTER
1049
00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:20,560
REECE: What does that mean, though?
1050
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,000
It means I'm now worth more
than I ever have been.
1051
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,680
If more than one person
eats the lame duck,
1052
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:28,960
all lame duck eaters -
1053
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,280
that's Ania, that's Maisie,
that's Sanjeev -
1054
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,400
lose 3 points,
and the lame duck refusers -
1055
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,160
that's Phil, that's Reece -
gain 3 points!
1056
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,520
So, well done, Phil,
well done, Reece!
1057
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow.
1058
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,360
Which means that Maisie's now
at the bottom of the table,
1059
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:44,400
with 7 points.
1060
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:47,280
But way above her, with 18 points,
for the first time,
1061
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,160
he's won an episode,
it's Phil Ellis!
1062
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,600
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Phil Ellis has won!
1063
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:57,440
Please vacate your seat and retrieve
your future archaeological treats!
1064
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,520
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