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1
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:21,109
What are you doing?
2
00:00:21,110 --> 00:00:24,909
I've got slow-drying pubic hair.
3
00:00:24,910 --> 00:00:26,709
Maybe it's time for a trim?
4
00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:30,709
They're not long,
they're just spongy.
5
00:00:40,270 --> 00:00:43,589
What, out of interest, was in the...
6
00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:44,709
It's not a human head.
7
00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:46,109
It's not a human head?
8
00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:48,429
No. It's the weight and shape
of a human head.
9
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,269
But it isn't a human head.
10
00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:54,269
Well, that's good. It's just that,
now you've said "human head" a lot,
11
00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:57,069
I'm thinking, is it a human head?
12
00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:58,629
And the answer is, no.
13
00:00:58,631 --> 00:01:02,629
So you can relax cos it's
definitely not a human head.
14
00:01:38,710 --> 00:01:42,149
Hey, Kingsley! I'm just cooking
my speciality dish...
15
00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:43,509
Vegetable munge.
16
00:01:43,510 --> 00:01:45,789
Sounds... disappointing.
17
00:01:45,790 --> 00:01:49,789
No offence, but I won't be eating
that shit because it looks heinous.
18
00:01:52,829 --> 00:01:55,829
So, this is very generous of you.
19
00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:57,989
What a very generous person you are.
20
00:01:57,990 --> 00:02:01,749
Do you want me to lay the table?
21
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:05,469
Or do you want to do all the laying?
22
00:02:05,470 --> 00:02:08,389
What looks like a head,
but isn't a head?
23
00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:11,509
You know what? Maybe let's not
bother sitting down together?
24
00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:13,909
Yeah, wouldn't be so much fun
without JP.
25
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:15,269
He is amazing company.
26
00:02:15,270 --> 00:02:16,629
A knobbly melon?
27
00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:18,829
Maybe everyone just help themselves.
28
00:02:18,830 --> 00:02:22,829
Which is your motto, right?
29
00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:28,429
I'm kidding.
30
00:02:30,190 --> 00:02:32,749
What?
31
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,909
I've seen enough rom-coms to know,
32
00:02:34,910 --> 00:02:38,909
if you "hate" her,
you must "like" her.
33
00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:52,469
What are you doing?
34
00:02:52,470 --> 00:02:54,949
That's Paul's room.
Have you asked him?
35
00:02:54,950 --> 00:02:58,429
Er, yeah, he was totally chilled
about it. You know what he's like.
36
00:02:58,431 --> 00:03:01,709
No, not really. I haven't
actually met him. Have you met him?
37
00:03:01,710 --> 00:03:04,549
He's not here,
it's a temporary arrangement,
38
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:08,549
we'll all use each other's rooms
as work-out spaces anyway, it's all fine.
39
00:03:08,590 --> 00:03:12,589
Did you tell Kingsley
about the other night?
40
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:14,949
No.
41
00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:15,989
It's obvious you did.
42
00:03:15,990 --> 00:03:19,789
So what if I did? Why are you
so desperate to keep it a secret?
43
00:03:19,790 --> 00:03:22,229
I mean, what's so wrong with me?
44
00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:23,469
Nothing.
45
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:26,349
Yeah, I mean, I'll grant you,
it was an unusual coalition?
46
00:03:26,350 --> 00:03:28,389
But what you've got
to understand, babes,
47
00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:31,909
is this is the kind of thing that
will happen under the coalition.
48
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:34,710
They close down the NHS,
we get jiggy, deal with it.
49
00:03:34,710 --> 00:03:36,949
I mean, it won't happen again.
50
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,989
Unless you want it to.
51
00:03:38,990 --> 00:03:42,109
In which case, my door's always open.
52
00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:46,029
Unless I've got another girl in there
in which case it's definitely closed.
53
00:03:46,030 --> 00:03:49,429
I tell you what I could do,
I could tie a tie to the door handle
54
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:52,829
and then, if you see the tie,
lucky you vis-a-vis jiggy time.
55
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:55,669
Right, um, do me a favour.
56
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:59,669
Tell Kingsley you were bullshitting
him. It never actually happened.
57
00:03:59,750 --> 00:04:00,629
No.
58
00:04:00,630 --> 00:04:01,669
Why not?
59
00:04:01,670 --> 00:04:04,549
Look, I'm not being
chivalrous here...
60
00:04:04,550 --> 00:04:06,669
although obviously, I am...
61
00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:09,108
But I'm not ashamed of doing you.
62
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,829
That's really sweet.
63
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:11,269
I know.
64
00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:13,229
Although, obviously it isn't,
65
00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:16,229
and the thing is,
I am a shamed of doing you.
66
00:04:16,230 --> 00:04:20,229
Oh!
67
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:37,430
Yeah, well, we can't go
to any of the hall parties,
68
00:04:37,430 --> 00:04:40,309
but the house is nice, so...
69
00:04:40,311 --> 00:04:42,949
Yeah, they're nice.
70
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,189
Well, the girls are nice.
71
00:04:45,190 --> 00:04:48,309
The boys are cocks.
72
00:04:48,310 --> 00:04:51,789
Two of them are megacocks.
73
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:55,788
No, it's great. I'm just
a little bit homesick, you know?
74
00:04:56,510 --> 00:04:58,909
Oh, OK.
75
00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:02,669
Yeah, yeah, of course.
76
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:06,669
No, I was just ringing to say hello.
77
00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:11,509
OK.
78
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:18,429
How nice of you to pay me
a visit, Pope Kingsley.
79
00:05:18,430 --> 00:05:19,509
What?
80
00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:21,349
Kingsley the judgmental Pope man,
81
00:05:21,351 --> 00:05:23,509
doing his judging?
Have you come to judge me some more?
82
00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:25,069
I wasn't, I...
83
00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:28,149
Look, I know you know I slept with
JP, but I want to say for the record
84
00:05:28,150 --> 00:05:31,069
that I didn't know him at all at
the time, I'd hardly spoken to him.
85
00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:33,029
I had no way of knowing
what a dick he is.
86
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:36,189
I don't make a habit of sleeping
with men I've hardly spoken to
87
00:05:36,190 --> 00:05:37,709
but if I do it now and again,
88
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:41,709
it doesn't make me a bad person,
so you can fuck off, Popey.
89
00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:45,589
What?
90
00:05:45,590 --> 00:05:47,389
Classic.
91
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,509
Absolutely classic.
92
00:05:49,510 --> 00:05:53,509
You'll be humpin' tonight.
93
00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:01,909
What's going on?
94
00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:03,270
I've been to the shops.
95
00:06:03,270 --> 00:06:05,229
Yes, I understand that.
96
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:07,269
But how did you get that lot back?
97
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:11,269
I... um, I'm just strong,
I'm just really surprisingly strong.
98
00:06:11,630 --> 00:06:13,589
Really?
99
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,749
Yep.
100
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:19,748
See?
101
00:06:19,790 --> 00:06:23,789
Maybe I'm all intersex and I've got
a penis somewhere I don't know about.
102
00:06:23,870 --> 00:06:27,869
Just the kind of crazy shit that would happen to me.
Having a penis I didn't even know about.
103
00:06:28,790 --> 00:06:30,669
I woke up a few times
on my year off
104
00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:34,669
having had a penis
I didn't know about!
105
00:06:35,030 --> 00:06:36,229
Good.
106
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,029
Yes.
107
00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:42,029
Certainly one of the more
memorable hallway conversations.
108
00:06:58,190 --> 00:07:02,189
What are you doing?
109
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:07,029
Yes. I shouldn't have looked.
110
00:07:07,030 --> 00:07:08,629
I have only myself to blame.
111
00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:10,029
What is it?
112
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:14,029
Obviously, it's
Russell Brand's head.
113
00:07:16,110 --> 00:07:19,149
Have you killed Russell Brand?
114
00:07:19,150 --> 00:07:20,709
No.
115
00:07:20,711 --> 00:07:24,229
Really?
116
00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:27,349
My mate worked at a waxworks place.
They screwed him on overtime
117
00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:29,949
so I looked after the head
while he blackmailed them.
118
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,029
I see.
119
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,309
Yes.
120
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:37,029
But they've just put a ruffly shirt
on Cher, squidged her around,
121
00:07:37,030 --> 00:07:40,189
and put his label on her
so you can have that if you like?
122
00:07:40,190 --> 00:07:41,949
I don't know.
I don't know if I want
123
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:44,469
the weight of Russell Brand's head
on my shoulders?
124
00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:48,470
You don't have to fucking feed him.
125
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,709
Greetings, my waxy friend.
126
00:07:55,710 --> 00:07:59,709
I shall use you
as an enormous emo paperweight.
127
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:08,789
OK. Laters, guys. Laters.
Wicked lecture.
128
00:08:08,790 --> 00:08:12,789
Yeah, wicked. Thanks.
129
00:08:13,110 --> 00:08:16,709
So, everything OK for you guys,
all good, yeah? How was I?
130
00:08:16,710 --> 00:08:20,709
No, you can't ask that,
just kidding around. How was I?
131
00:08:20,990 --> 00:08:24,989
Pretty boring.
132
00:08:25,070 --> 00:08:26,709
I'm kidding.
133
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:29,669
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
134
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,309
You fucker!
135
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:34,349
Seriously, was it OK?
Too much on sedimentary?
136
00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:37,509
I can't get enough sedimentary,
so I'm not a good judge.
137
00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:39,469
Do you wanna go get a drink?
138
00:08:39,471 --> 00:08:40,509
No.
139
00:08:40,510 --> 00:08:42,909
Right, right, right.
Yeah, yeah, bit early, isn't it?
140
00:08:42,910 --> 00:08:44,629
Yeah, yeah.
141
00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:45,749
Hello.
142
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,869
So, you my e-mail and my Skype
and everything?
143
00:08:48,869 --> 00:08:52,869
You guys take care. On Twitter,
I'm DanDanGeologyMan.
144
00:08:54,790 --> 00:08:58,789
Cool.
145
00:09:00,030 --> 00:09:04,029
Fuck!
146
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:12,989
Fucking hell, Ralph, Tobes!
147
00:09:12,990 --> 00:09:14,269
Hello?
148
00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:17,229
It's me. JP.
From Stowe?
149
00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:20,789
I came third in the geek race
last year riding Will Henderson?
150
00:09:20,790 --> 00:09:24,429
You got caught wanking
under the college oak?
151
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,869
Yeah. Right.
152
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:29,709
It's hilarious you still remember
that since it never happened.
153
00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:31,509
I just had an itchy cock.
That was all.
154
00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:33,229
So, what are you guys doing here?
155
00:09:33,229 --> 00:09:34,909
Mate, I couldn't get
into Cambridge.
156
00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:38,789
Probably lost out to some
fucking muggle on a scholarship.
157
00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:41,509
Awesome. Where are you living?
158
00:09:41,510 --> 00:09:43,709
We're in Toytown.
What halls are you in?
159
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:46,589
I'm not in halls,
I'm in a shared house.
160
00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:50,469
Sorry to hear that, geez. What's it
like in the 'burbs with the normals?
161
00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:52,749
It's probably all "Bella Pasta,
lights out by ten"
162
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,909
No, man. My house is awesome.
163
00:09:54,909 --> 00:09:58,389
It's full of hotties
who all love to... suck and fuck.
164
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,709
Are you serious?
165
00:10:00,710 --> 00:10:04,349
They love to hump, like,
the whole time.
166
00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:07,429
For them, a Wednesday is like
a Saturday.
167
00:10:07,430 --> 00:10:11,429
I've humped one of them already, I'll
probably hump another one tonight.
168
00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:15,549
All my bitches want to
suckle on my fuckle stick.
169
00:10:15,590 --> 00:10:19,229
Yeah, right. Well, we'd better chip.
We're going to blag ourselves
170
00:10:19,230 --> 00:10:20,829
into the Wentworth Court party
tonight. What are you up to?
171
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:22,469
Man, I'll probably just be
172
00:10:22,470 --> 00:10:24,229
back at the love shack, you know.
173
00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:28,229
My cock-shake brings
all the girls to the yard.
174
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:33,749
Yeah, right, um...
175
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:49,229
Sorry about telling you to fuck off.
I sort of got on a bit of a roll.
176
00:10:50,310 --> 00:10:54,029
That's all right. I was going to apologise,
but the Pope is infallible, so I couldn't.
177
00:10:54,030 --> 00:10:57,630
Of course, the Pope shouldn't really
be knocking on girls' bedroom doors.
178
00:10:57,630 --> 00:10:59,869
You do realise
I'm not the actual Pope?
179
00:10:59,870 --> 00:11:01,828
That's right.
You're the Pussyman.
180
00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:04,309
Tell me, how did you get
that nickname?
181
00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:08,309
Fuck a doodle doo! I've only
just bumped into King Ralph!
182
00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:10,829
I was at school with him.
The guy is a ledge.
183
00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:11,949
Amazing.
184
00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:14,229
JP. We were
in the middle of something?
185
00:11:14,230 --> 00:11:18,229
I mean, what are the chances of all us
Stowe boys just rocking up in Manchester?
186
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:21,109
Quite high. It's a good university
and you're privately educated.
187
00:11:21,110 --> 00:11:25,109
Look, word is, tonight
Wentworth is going genocidal.
188
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:30,189
So we need to be there.
189
00:11:35,830 --> 00:11:36,509
What a knob.
190
00:11:36,510 --> 00:11:37,669
I'm warming to him.
191
00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:41,069
Let's run away and hide
before he comes back.
192
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:43,829
Look, all the gang's here!
193
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:47,829
Hey, guys. Hey, I think Vod likes
him. She just bit him on the elbow.
194
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:54,269
Anything... going on?
195
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,229
No, Howard,
there's nothing going on.
196
00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:03,229
I understand. You live together,
so you're stuck in "friend zone".
197
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,709
I liked a girl in the house
last year,
198
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:11,709
but it never happened because
she'd seen me holding the bog brush.
199
00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:14,629
Wentworth's on lockdown.
200
00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:16,709
And apparently people are saying
201
00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:20,709
that tonight they're literally having
a fucking Jagermeister orgy.
202
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:24,429
So... what's the story?
Are you banging tonight?
203
00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:27,349
Riz. Yeah.
204
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:29,269
He's in Apeshit Dusseldorf.
205
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:31,349
I fucking love musicians.
They're so...
206
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,389
Talented.
207
00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:34,669
Arrogant. I really get off on that.
208
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,829
Yeah, I know what you mean.
209
00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:40,829
I like a guy who's going to pull
my hair and throw me about a bit.
210
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:45,229
So are you gonna ask him
out on a date?
211
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:47,589
A date? What,
like a candlelit dinner?
212
00:12:47,591 --> 00:12:49,589
What are we, bank managers? No.
213
00:12:49,590 --> 00:12:51,149
I'm gonna wait for a party,
214
00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:52,789
force-feed him tequila
and jump on him.
215
00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:54,709
Classic.
216
00:12:54,710 --> 00:12:57,909
Although my weapon of choice
is sambuca.
217
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,229
Tequila's a bit... clean.
218
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:02,269
Yes, yes, people, check it out.
219
00:13:02,270 --> 00:13:05,149
I'm DJing 12 till 3
at Wentworth tonight.
220
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:06,549
Yous are Wentworth, right?
221
00:13:06,550 --> 00:13:07,629
No.
222
00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:09,189
My days. Unlucky.
223
00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:11,789
Well, that's it.
224
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,829
We've basically missed university.
225
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:16,749
We're in social Siberia.
Everyone in halls is bonding
226
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:20,749
and we're just free radicals,
ageing prematurely.
227
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:23,669
Fuck it. Let's have a rival party.
A fuck you to halls.
228
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,309
Yes!
229
00:13:25,311 --> 00:13:27,069
Sweet!
230
00:13:27,070 --> 00:13:28,578
I am out.
231
00:13:38,263 --> 00:13:41,422
I can't believe none of you
have got a car. Nothing!
232
00:13:41,423 --> 00:13:43,702
Not even a Fiat Panda.
233
00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:44,622
Take these.
234
00:13:44,622 --> 00:13:46,662
Yeah, I notice you
don't have a car?
235
00:13:46,663 --> 00:13:50,542
Wrong, actually. I've got a BMW X1.
236
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:53,342
I can't drive it at the moment,
got points on my license.
237
00:13:53,343 --> 00:13:56,462
Apparently I was speeding
and apparently I was drunk.
238
00:13:56,464 --> 00:13:58,862
Students who have cars are dicks.
239
00:13:58,863 --> 00:14:00,862
Yeah!
240
00:14:00,863 --> 00:14:01,622
Why?
241
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:03,422
Because they're not students.
242
00:14:03,423 --> 00:14:05,222
If you've got a car and a satnav,
243
00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:07,342
you're a ponce whose dad
works in the city
244
00:14:07,343 --> 00:14:09,142
and sells nerve gas to fuckheads.
245
00:14:09,143 --> 00:14:11,622
Cars are cool, everyone knows it.
246
00:14:11,623 --> 00:14:13,742
That's why even
lesbians like Top Gear.
247
00:14:13,743 --> 00:14:17,742
You're strong, I'm tired.
Carry these for me.
248
00:14:18,903 --> 00:14:21,142
Why won't you come
to the party, Howard?
249
00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:24,342
I'll be at the house,
but I won't be "at the party".
250
00:14:24,343 --> 00:14:27,302
I've seen parties.
Parties have happened.
251
00:14:27,303 --> 00:14:28,902
They never achieve anything.
252
00:14:28,903 --> 00:14:30,422
What are we doing about food?
253
00:14:30,424 --> 00:14:32,022
I'm making more munge.
254
00:14:32,023 --> 00:14:33,702
Should get some cream for that!
255
00:14:33,703 --> 00:14:35,742
Come on, high five me!
256
00:14:35,743 --> 00:14:38,062
Come on, someone!
Don't leave me hanging,
257
00:14:38,063 --> 00:14:38,902
That was gold!
258
00:14:38,903 --> 00:14:40,222
You Facebooked English?
259
00:14:40,223 --> 00:14:41,622
Yeah.
260
00:14:41,623 --> 00:14:44,662
If Riz shows up, I might rape him.
261
00:14:44,663 --> 00:14:46,422
OK, great!
262
00:14:46,423 --> 00:14:47,902
We have got girls coming, right?
263
00:14:47,903 --> 00:14:50,982
Don't know. Haven't heard back
from the sex traffickers!
264
00:14:50,983 --> 00:14:54,423
I've invited the Geology course.
So that's one girl.
265
00:14:54,423 --> 00:14:56,303
Geology Girl.
266
00:14:57,343 --> 00:14:58,782
Shit.
267
00:14:58,783 --> 00:14:59,822
What?
268
00:14:59,823 --> 00:15:02,702
I've accidentally sent
Dan the party text.
269
00:15:02,703 --> 00:15:05,182
As in Desperate Dan
the Geology Tutor Man?
270
00:15:05,183 --> 00:15:08,942
Excellent. So now the party might
count towards our exams. Useful.
271
00:15:08,943 --> 00:15:10,182
What did it say?
272
00:15:10,183 --> 00:15:12,781
Come dip your dick in our hoes?
273
00:15:12,783 --> 00:15:15,462
What?! Jesus! What if he reports it?
274
00:15:15,463 --> 00:15:18,102
Can we get kicked off our course?
275
00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:20,902
They call you The Pussyman
because you're a massive pussy!
276
00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:22,902
What if he shows it to the provost?
277
00:15:22,903 --> 00:15:24,622
Have we got a provost?
278
00:15:24,622 --> 00:15:26,262
I'm not sure what a provost is.
279
00:15:26,263 --> 00:15:28,062
But that sounds like something
they'd hate.
280
00:15:28,063 --> 00:15:29,702
Look I'm sure it's fine.
281
00:15:29,703 --> 00:15:30,902
He's probably a virgin, doesn't
know what the text means.
282
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:35,901
Is that him? That's him isn't it?
What does it say?
283
00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:39,902
"I'll be there. I'm greasing up
my penis as I write."
284
00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:43,022
Good luck with your party.
285
00:15:43,023 --> 00:15:47,022
Bet you're looking forward to seeing
our tutor and his greased-up penis.
286
00:15:58,503 --> 00:16:01,422
Hello. Wow, you look...
287
00:16:01,423 --> 00:16:04,462
That... fits. That totally fits you.
288
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:05,942
You've got fitting clothes.
289
00:16:05,943 --> 00:16:09,942
I was going to wear
my munge smock but, you know...
290
00:16:14,343 --> 00:16:16,422
This is fucking embarrassing!
291
00:16:16,423 --> 00:16:20,422
We need to sort this. I mean,
no offence, mate, but seriously?
292
00:16:20,503 --> 00:16:22,982
You're our shop-front guest?
293
00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:24,142
So what's the plan?
294
00:16:24,143 --> 00:16:27,182
We go to the pub and invite some
fucking randoms down here.
295
00:16:27,183 --> 00:16:28,942
Do a man harvest.
296
00:16:28,943 --> 00:16:31,262
Man harvest! Harvest the men!
297
00:16:31,263 --> 00:16:34,702
Rape the men!
We're like feminist vikings!
298
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:36,142
Could I put in a request
for some women too?
299
00:16:36,143 --> 00:16:37,622
Don't worry.
300
00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:41,622
I promise I'll do my best
to hook you up.
301
00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:46,222
Er, what's going on here?
302
00:16:46,223 --> 00:16:47,262
Hey!
303
00:16:47,263 --> 00:16:50,142
Are we wearing the same shoes?
304
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,942
That is so weird!
How did that happen?
305
00:16:52,943 --> 00:16:55,822
Well, I owned the shoes
and then you bought the same ones.
306
00:16:55,823 --> 00:16:58,302
That's how it happened.
307
00:16:58,303 --> 00:16:59,502
See you soon.
308
00:16:59,503 --> 00:17:03,502
Yeah. See you soon.
309
00:17:06,223 --> 00:17:09,022
Right, I reckon I must've
harvested about 20.
310
00:17:09,023 --> 00:17:10,822
We should harvest men more.
311
00:17:10,823 --> 00:17:13,902
Don't know. Felt weird
giving my address to everyone.
312
00:17:13,903 --> 00:17:16,742
I've bagged enough, man. Josie?
313
00:17:16,743 --> 00:17:19,022
Yup, let's head back
and gorge on munge!
314
00:17:19,023 --> 00:17:20,542
Hey, Vod.
315
00:17:20,543 --> 00:17:21,582
Hey, Riz.
316
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:24,662
You fancy coming to a party later?
317
00:17:24,663 --> 00:17:26,902
It might be shit,
but there'll be tequila
318
00:17:26,903 --> 00:17:29,662
and a lot of times when I drink
tequila, I smash shit.
319
00:17:29,663 --> 00:17:31,142
So, should be good visuals.
320
00:17:31,143 --> 00:17:34,062
Aw, I'm on my way to Wentworth.
Want to come?
321
00:17:34,063 --> 00:17:36,182
Can't. Not residents.
322
00:17:36,183 --> 00:17:39,502
Me neither. I've got a mate
on the door, but only till 11.
323
00:17:39,503 --> 00:17:41,462
Yeah? I'd give you guys a lift,
324
00:17:41,464 --> 00:17:43,262
but I'm on the bike.
325
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,062
Cool.
326
00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:48,062
Yeah, maybe see you later.
327
00:17:48,063 --> 00:17:51,782
I am definitely seeing him later.
And when I say later, I mean now.
328
00:17:51,783 --> 00:17:52,302
Let's do it.
329
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:53,342
I don't know...
330
00:17:53,343 --> 00:17:54,382
Come on Josie!
331
00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:55,422
Don't be a cunt.
332
00:17:55,423 --> 00:17:56,302
Bit harsh?
333
00:17:56,303 --> 00:17:57,342
You know what I mean.
334
00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:00,422
Look we've got our own party?
You know, our own guests?
335
00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:03,222
Who's going to hand
round the vol-au-vents
336
00:18:03,223 --> 00:18:07,222
and put on the Cheryl Cole CD!
Fuck it! Someone stump up for a cab
337
00:18:07,463 --> 00:18:09,022
or shall we run?
338
00:18:09,023 --> 00:18:10,102
I'm not running.
I'm in kitten heels.
339
00:18:10,103 --> 00:18:12,382
My shoelaces keep coming undone!
340
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,782
I'm sorry.
Are my shoes not to your liking?
341
00:18:14,783 --> 00:18:16,862
I'm so sorry
I forced you to buy them!
342
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:20,542
Here. Can you take my bag?
343
00:18:26,903 --> 00:18:29,342
Oh!
344
00:18:29,343 --> 00:18:33,342
That must... must've been
my car keys.
345
00:18:33,743 --> 00:18:35,662
Yeah! I've got a car!
346
00:18:35,662 --> 00:18:37,182
Right?
347
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:38,742
My God!
348
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:42,342
I totally forgot I had a car!
349
00:18:42,343 --> 00:18:46,342
How cool is that?
I feel like I've just won a car!
350
00:18:51,983 --> 00:18:54,902
Where are the girls?
They were meant to send girls.
351
00:18:54,903 --> 00:18:57,982
Not only have they not sent girls,
they've sent guys.
352
00:18:57,983 --> 00:19:00,662
Like that's what the man party
needed, more men.
353
00:19:00,662 --> 00:19:02,142
It's raining men.
354
00:19:02,143 --> 00:19:04,861
I mean, there are large puddles
of men. It's a hazard.
355
00:19:04,863 --> 00:19:08,702
I'm drowning in cock, Kingsley,
and I don't like it.
356
00:19:08,703 --> 00:19:10,342
No, they're not for you!
357
00:19:10,343 --> 00:19:13,582
The premium continental lagers
are clearly labelled.
358
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:16,622
And the same goes for the goujons.
359
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,902
They're for Ralph and Toby.
If you want food, eat Josie's munge.
360
00:19:19,903 --> 00:19:21,502
Say that again?
361
00:19:21,503 --> 00:19:24,102
The pan of pressure-cooked carrots,
onions and potato.
362
00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:26,103
It's actually got quite
a subtle flavour.
363
00:19:26,103 --> 00:19:27,182
Right.
364
00:19:27,183 --> 00:19:31,182
For a minute there I was thinking
I might have to re-grease my penis!
365
00:19:32,783 --> 00:19:36,382
Excellent. Team Ralph's here.
I need to get them a VIP area,
366
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:40,102
otherwise they'll be mobbed
by all these no-marks and zeros.
367
00:19:40,103 --> 00:19:42,062
No offence to you, Kingsley.
368
00:19:42,063 --> 00:19:45,622
Hey! 'Sup, dude? Good to see ya!
369
00:19:45,623 --> 00:19:48,182
T-Dog in the cribbage!
370
00:19:48,183 --> 00:19:49,262
All right, guy?
371
00:19:49,263 --> 00:19:51,302
Bit of a sausage party.
Isn't it, mate?
372
00:19:51,303 --> 00:19:52,702
How do you mean?
373
00:19:52,703 --> 00:19:55,542
Well, It's a testicle festival.
A brodeo.
374
00:19:55,543 --> 00:19:58,262
Too many dicks, not many chicks.
375
00:19:58,263 --> 00:19:59,742
Ou est les hotties?
376
00:19:59,743 --> 00:20:03,742
Well, I mean, our hotties have gone
out to find, er... to bring back
377
00:20:03,983 --> 00:20:05,782
some of their hottie mates.
378
00:20:05,783 --> 00:20:08,022
Maybe we should just head?
379
00:20:08,023 --> 00:20:10,702
What do you reckon?
We've got shit to do anyway.
380
00:20:10,703 --> 00:20:11,902
Don't do that!
381
00:20:11,902 --> 00:20:13,542
I mean, I wouldn't do that.
382
00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:16,822
There's going to be loads
of babes here, any minute.
383
00:20:17,503 --> 00:20:19,102
Go get the door!
384
00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:22,742
In the meantime,
let's get busy on the tour.
385
00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:25,102
All aboard the banter bus!
386
00:20:25,103 --> 00:20:28,062
Coolio!
387
00:20:28,063 --> 00:20:31,022
So, this is my room.
388
00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:32,902
The bachelor pad.
389
00:20:32,903 --> 00:20:35,542
The flop shop.
390
00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:38,782
Yeah, I chose the top floor room
391
00:20:38,782 --> 00:20:42,222
so that even if I'm taking a bird
from behind, I've got a good view.
392
00:20:42,223 --> 00:20:45,222
Yeah!
393
00:20:45,223 --> 00:20:48,183
And if we just come through here...
394
00:20:48,183 --> 00:20:52,182
that's the ensuite.
And this is the smoking room!
395
00:20:52,423 --> 00:20:55,142
So, whose room is this?
396
00:20:55,143 --> 00:20:58,702
Basically just my spare room,
you know? A little bolt-hole,
397
00:20:58,703 --> 00:21:01,542
somewhere to come and chillax
when it gets too hectic.
398
00:21:01,543 --> 00:21:05,542
Let me clear
some of this shit away.
399
00:21:06,823 --> 00:21:09,582
Rowing machine. You any good?
400
00:21:09,583 --> 00:21:10,662
Mate!
401
00:21:10,663 --> 00:21:12,702
That's not the rowing machine.
402
00:21:12,703 --> 00:21:15,782
This is the rowing machine.
403
00:21:15,783 --> 00:21:18,542
We're thinking
of getting a crew together.
404
00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:22,542
Well, let me show you
how many rows I can do.
405
00:21:30,343 --> 00:21:32,102
That as fast as you can go?
406
00:21:32,104 --> 00:21:35,102
No chance! I'm just warming up.
407
00:21:35,103 --> 00:21:37,982
Stretching the lats!
408
00:21:37,983 --> 00:21:40,982
Good shoulder rolling! Nice elbows!
409
00:21:40,983 --> 00:21:42,182
Can you go faster?
410
00:21:42,183 --> 00:21:44,022
No problemo!
411
00:21:44,023 --> 00:21:45,902
What's your lung capacity like?
412
00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:49,742
Well, I can row and keep a
conversation going at the same time,
413
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:51,222
so what do you reckon?
414
00:21:51,223 --> 00:21:53,302
Show us how many rows you can do
while smoking a spliff.
415
00:21:53,303 --> 00:21:57,302
Easy!
416
00:21:58,583 --> 00:22:00,102
What do you think?
417
00:22:00,103 --> 00:22:01,702
Keep it going. Keep it going.
418
00:22:01,703 --> 00:22:03,022
Looking good, hey?
419
00:22:03,023 --> 00:22:07,022
Yeah, man. You look the tits.
420
00:22:34,143 --> 00:22:38,142
Hey, terrible party.
421
00:23:00,223 --> 00:23:02,302
I've got an idea.
422
00:23:02,303 --> 00:23:04,662
But I don't know
if it's a good idea.
423
00:23:04,663 --> 00:23:08,102
Russell Brand's head... as fuckbait.
424
00:23:08,103 --> 00:23:10,422
Doesn't sound great.
425
00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:12,462
No, that sounds bad.
426
00:23:12,463 --> 00:23:15,262
Too weird. On the pillow?
427
00:23:15,263 --> 00:23:18,222
That's mad. Or is it?
428
00:23:18,223 --> 00:23:22,222
But then I could curl up
hidden under the covers,
429
00:23:22,423 --> 00:23:25,502
then when someone came in...
I'm not going to do this.
430
00:23:25,503 --> 00:23:28,182
I'm not going to use Russell Brand's
head as fuckbait.
431
00:23:28,183 --> 00:23:30,062
What rom-com did you see this in?
432
00:23:30,063 --> 00:23:32,542
Was it There's Something
About Fuckbait,
433
00:23:32,543 --> 00:23:36,541
or When Harry Used Fuckbait?
434
00:23:48,223 --> 00:23:50,701
The idea of going to a gym
in Manchester
435
00:23:50,703 --> 00:23:52,662
does not bear thinking about.
436
00:23:52,663 --> 00:23:55,262
I do not want some
sweaty Shaun Ryder,
437
00:23:55,263 --> 00:23:57,702
arching his back
on a Pilates ball,
438
00:23:57,703 --> 00:24:01,702
thrusting his coke-addled testes
in my mush.
439
00:24:03,063 --> 00:24:05,862
No.
440
00:24:05,862 --> 00:24:08,782
Fuck that.
441
00:24:08,783 --> 00:24:10,862
That's why we've got
our own gym stuff.
442
00:24:10,863 --> 00:24:13,662
We're just looking
for somewhere to set it up.
443
00:24:13,663 --> 00:24:16,142
Well, I mean...
444
00:24:16,143 --> 00:24:18,742
You can use here if you want.
445
00:24:18,743 --> 00:24:19,942
It's just my den.
446
00:24:19,943 --> 00:24:22,702
Yeah?
447
00:24:22,703 --> 00:24:26,582
Yeah. Fuck it.
I'm not using anything for it.
448
00:24:26,583 --> 00:24:29,062
All right. Tobes,
why don't you drive back
449
00:24:29,063 --> 00:24:31,542
and bring the weights over?
450
00:24:31,543 --> 00:24:32,662
Yeah!
451
00:24:32,663 --> 00:24:34,982
Cool!
452
00:24:34,983 --> 00:24:38,982
Why WEIGHT?
453
00:24:53,943 --> 00:24:55,782
You don't mind if I...?
454
00:24:55,783 --> 00:24:56,822
No, course not.
455
00:24:56,823 --> 00:24:58,542
Yeah. I mean, it's only
a fucking beer, right?
456
00:24:58,543 --> 00:25:00,302
Yeah, that's right.
457
00:25:00,303 --> 00:25:02,502
Were you afraid I was nicking
your Petit Filou?
458
00:25:02,504 --> 00:25:05,422
No, I wouldn't mind that.
I mean, they're only little.
459
00:25:05,423 --> 00:25:07,622
Is that... Are you having a pop?
460
00:25:07,623 --> 00:25:10,782
No?
461
00:25:10,783 --> 00:25:12,462
I'm Dave, by the way.
462
00:25:12,463 --> 00:25:13,902
Hello. Kingsley.
463
00:25:13,903 --> 00:25:15,982
How's the house?
Anyone got laid yet?
464
00:25:15,983 --> 00:25:17,022
Well, not me.
465
00:25:17,023 --> 00:25:20,022
That doesn't surprise me!
466
00:25:20,023 --> 00:25:21,782
Only messing, mate.
467
00:25:21,783 --> 00:25:23,183
Is this food?
468
00:25:23,183 --> 00:25:26,782
It looks a bit like someone's been
sick on some food.
469
00:25:26,783 --> 00:25:30,142
Munge, mate. Grill it up with
cheddar and you've got chunge.
470
00:25:30,143 --> 00:25:32,143
Luxury munge.
471
00:25:32,143 --> 00:25:35,942
Munge, yeah I'd never heard of it.
It's a real thing, then, is it?
472
00:25:35,943 --> 00:25:37,142
Nah, just what Josie calls it.
473
00:25:37,143 --> 00:25:38,542
So are you on her course?
474
00:25:38,543 --> 00:25:41,302
No, I'm her boyfriend.
475
00:25:41,303 --> 00:25:44,423
Oh!
476
00:25:44,423 --> 00:25:46,422
Right, yeah.
477
00:25:46,423 --> 00:25:49,502
Yeah, yeah. I was wondering
who her boyfriend was
478
00:25:49,503 --> 00:25:52,862
I assumed she had a boyfriend.
You're her boyfriend? Brilliant!
479
00:26:09,435 --> 00:26:12,714
God, I am hammered.
480
00:26:12,715 --> 00:26:13,994
You're not the drummer, are you?
481
00:26:13,995 --> 00:26:17,155
You asked me that already.
I told you - I'm the front man.
482
00:26:17,155 --> 00:26:18,595
Excellent. I love a front man.
483
00:26:18,595 --> 00:26:19,674
The drummer's here somewhere.
484
00:26:19,675 --> 00:26:23,674
Fuck him. Drummers are boring. Always
hiding away behind their drums.
485
00:26:24,315 --> 00:26:26,514
Hiding away behind their sticks.
486
00:26:26,515 --> 00:26:29,474
Mainly the drums.
You can't really hide behind sticks.
487
00:26:29,475 --> 00:26:32,154
Will you let me finish the story
about playing the Borderline?
488
00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:33,074
Yes, I am.
489
00:26:33,075 --> 00:26:34,114
OK, then.
490
00:26:34,115 --> 00:26:38,114
In a minute.
491
00:26:38,395 --> 00:26:39,834
Hey.
492
00:26:39,834 --> 00:26:41,514
So, how's it going?
493
00:26:41,515 --> 00:26:44,354
He's hot but he's boring.
494
00:26:44,355 --> 00:26:45,754
So, do you think we could head back?
495
00:26:45,755 --> 00:26:49,754
No, I'm going to snog him
just to shut him up.
496
00:26:54,715 --> 00:26:56,074
So, are you a student?
497
00:26:56,075 --> 00:26:57,114
No.
498
00:26:57,115 --> 00:26:59,434
Nooo.
499
00:26:59,435 --> 00:27:00,474
So, what do you do?
500
00:27:00,475 --> 00:27:02,034
I'm a heating engineer.
501
00:27:02,035 --> 00:27:03,354
Cool, very cool.
502
00:27:03,355 --> 00:27:05,034
You don't know anything about it,
do you?
503
00:27:05,035 --> 00:27:06,074
No.
504
00:27:06,075 --> 00:27:09,754
No.
505
00:27:09,755 --> 00:27:13,554
Yeah... So, how long
have you been seeing Josie?
506
00:27:13,555 --> 00:27:15,594
Why? Are you sniffing around?
507
00:27:15,595 --> 00:27:17,154
What?
508
00:27:17,155 --> 00:27:20,594
I'm kidding. I know you're not like
that. You're a Petit Filous man.
509
00:27:20,595 --> 00:27:21,994
What does that mean?
510
00:27:21,995 --> 00:27:24,154
We've been going out
two and a half years.
511
00:27:24,155 --> 00:27:25,114
Really?
512
00:27:25,115 --> 00:27:27,834
Why is that so surprising?
513
00:27:27,835 --> 00:27:31,354
Just... seems like a long time.
514
00:27:31,355 --> 00:27:34,114
Surely she must have told you all this.
515
00:27:34,115 --> 00:27:35,394
Um, no, not all of it.
516
00:27:35,395 --> 00:27:36,554
You want another beer?
517
00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:38,434
Er, yeah, why not? Fuck it.
518
00:27:38,435 --> 00:27:41,834
Yeah, I mean, it's not like
you have to be up tomorrow, is it?
519
00:27:41,835 --> 00:27:42,874
Or ever.
520
00:27:42,875 --> 00:27:45,234
You piece of shit.
521
00:27:45,235 --> 00:27:49,234
I'm kidding.
522
00:28:09,955 --> 00:28:12,274
Way to say hello. I like it.
523
00:28:12,275 --> 00:28:15,034
Ha, yeah,
I'm just friendly like that.
524
00:28:15,035 --> 00:28:17,754
You must be Vod. Riz was saying
he thought you had a thing for him.
525
00:28:17,755 --> 00:28:19,754
Yeah, he's well arrogant.
526
00:28:19,755 --> 00:28:23,754
Yeah, he's a twat. Unlike me,
I'm lovely. I'm Mark, the drummer.
527
00:28:25,915 --> 00:28:28,514
Yeah, I know that.
I can tell you apart!
528
00:28:28,515 --> 00:28:30,554
Yeah, it's not hard.
I'm the one with the sticks!
529
00:28:30,555 --> 00:28:34,474
Exactly! That's exactly what I meant!
530
00:28:34,475 --> 00:28:38,474
Wait there. I'll be right back.
531
00:28:38,915 --> 00:28:40,634
Glad I remembered how to drive.
532
00:28:40,636 --> 00:28:42,274
I can't remember the last time
I had to drive.
533
00:28:42,275 --> 00:28:45,154
Presumably you had to drive to uni, so...
534
00:28:45,155 --> 00:28:48,595
Yeah, but apart from that one drive,
I've basically never driven.
535
00:28:48,595 --> 00:28:50,794
Yeah, so do you think
we should head back?
536
00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:54,794
Yeah, maybe.
I'll go see what Vod's doing.
537
00:28:56,475 --> 00:28:58,314
We've got to go.
I've snogged the wrong guy.
538
00:28:58,315 --> 00:28:59,474
What?
539
00:28:59,475 --> 00:29:02,234
It must be because they were wearing
the same jacket.
540
00:29:02,235 --> 00:29:05,194
I'm not racist for Asians.
I'm not racist, I'm just slutty!
541
00:29:05,195 --> 00:29:08,474
There you are. Yeah,
Vod wants to head off too, so...
542
00:29:08,475 --> 00:29:12,474
OK, great. All back to ours!
543
00:29:17,075 --> 00:29:18,354
So...
544
00:29:18,356 --> 00:29:22,354
So... There is a rumour that
Russell Brand is in your room
545
00:29:22,795 --> 00:29:25,834
and passed out on downers.
546
00:29:25,835 --> 00:29:29,834
Yeah, yeah, he is,
I could introduce you if you like?
547
00:29:35,635 --> 00:29:38,554
The head worked.
548
00:29:38,555 --> 00:29:39,754
Not as in fuck bait,
549
00:29:39,755 --> 00:29:42,434
but chat bait. It's a good head.
550
00:29:42,435 --> 00:29:46,434
I'm growing quite attached
to the head.
551
00:29:46,835 --> 00:29:48,514
Josie's got a boyfriend.
552
00:29:48,515 --> 00:29:50,234
She's not mentioned a boyfriend.
553
00:29:50,235 --> 00:29:53,114
Yes, I'd noticed that.
554
00:29:53,115 --> 00:29:57,114
So how do you "feel" about that?
555
00:29:57,675 --> 00:30:00,314
Fine. I was a bit angry.
556
00:30:00,315 --> 00:30:01,594
I was pretty angry.
557
00:30:01,595 --> 00:30:03,394
But it's none of my business.
558
00:30:03,395 --> 00:30:06,234
She doesn't owe me anything,
so let's move on.
559
00:30:06,235 --> 00:30:08,114
I mean,
she shouldn't have lied to me.
560
00:30:08,115 --> 00:30:10,114
That was a total betrayal.
561
00:30:10,115 --> 00:30:14,114
But I barely know her.
So it's basically fine.
562
00:30:14,395 --> 00:30:16,154
Fucked up.
563
00:30:16,155 --> 00:30:19,434
But fine.
564
00:30:19,435 --> 00:30:22,074
I'm ready to move on.
I've already moved on. It's fine.
565
00:30:22,075 --> 00:30:26,074
Nothing to move on from.
It's all fine. I'm actually glad.
566
00:30:28,435 --> 00:30:32,434
OK. Good.
567
00:30:39,315 --> 00:30:43,314
Yeah, apparently Russell Brand's
upstairs, probably washing some
568
00:30:43,995 --> 00:30:47,674
female ejaculate out
of his pubey woobs, as he'd put it.
569
00:30:47,675 --> 00:30:49,634
Shocking guy.
570
00:30:49,635 --> 00:30:52,794
So, how's the party been without me?
Bit shit? Or total shit?
571
00:30:52,795 --> 00:30:53,474
Hey, babe!
572
00:30:53,475 --> 00:30:56,754
Dave! What are you doing here?
573
00:30:56,755 --> 00:30:57,793
I thought I'd surprise you.
574
00:30:57,795 --> 00:30:59,514
You did! I am surprised.
575
00:30:59,515 --> 00:31:03,274
Really surprised.
I am so fucking surprised!
576
00:31:03,275 --> 00:31:06,554
So, Kingsley here has been looking
after me while you were gone.
577
00:31:06,555 --> 00:31:08,154
He seems nice.
578
00:31:08,155 --> 00:31:11,234
Does he? Good. He is nice.
579
00:31:11,235 --> 00:31:13,554
As are you.
580
00:31:13,555 --> 00:31:15,394
The hotties are back.
581
00:31:15,395 --> 00:31:17,274
All of my bitches
have rolled on home.
582
00:31:17,275 --> 00:31:18,314
All three of them?
583
00:31:18,315 --> 00:31:21,714
Is that the best you can do? It's
hardly an embarrassment of bitches.
584
00:31:22,755 --> 00:31:24,673
I'll get it! I'll get it!
585
00:31:24,675 --> 00:31:26,914
So, how come you just turned up?
586
00:31:26,915 --> 00:31:28,914
I thought it'd be a nice surprise
for you.
587
00:31:28,915 --> 00:31:31,474
It is. A huge surprise.
588
00:31:31,475 --> 00:31:33,834
I see Josie's pulled!
589
00:31:33,835 --> 00:31:34,954
He's her boyfriend.
590
00:31:34,955 --> 00:31:37,154
Josie hasn't got a boyfriend.
591
00:31:37,155 --> 00:31:41,074
That's not what his body language
says. Or his mouth language.
592
00:31:41,075 --> 00:31:44,954
Well, it makes sense, I mean,
she is a bit girl-next-door.
593
00:31:44,955 --> 00:31:46,354
Perfect wife material.
594
00:31:46,355 --> 00:31:50,354
Yeah. She's just ridiculously lovely,
isn't she?
595
00:31:51,835 --> 00:31:55,314
So, um, by the way, I've got a car!
596
00:31:55,315 --> 00:31:56,634
My mum gave it to me.
597
00:31:56,635 --> 00:31:58,195
She won it on a scratch card,
598
00:31:58,195 --> 00:32:01,034
which is mad.
But then she buys fuck loads.
599
00:32:01,035 --> 00:32:05,034
So, um, yeah,
I think she might be addicted.
600
00:32:10,475 --> 00:32:12,554
Pretend you're my boyfriend.
601
00:32:12,555 --> 00:32:13,794
What? Why?
602
00:32:13,794 --> 00:32:15,194
I was drunk, it was dark.
603
00:32:15,195 --> 00:32:19,114
I'm not racist, I just put my hand
down the wrong trousers, Gromit.
604
00:32:19,115 --> 00:32:20,554
There you are.
605
00:32:20,555 --> 00:32:21,674
I've got a boyfriend.
606
00:32:21,675 --> 00:32:23,034
You've got a boyfriend?
607
00:32:23,035 --> 00:32:25,674
Hello. That's right. I'm Howard.
608
00:32:25,675 --> 00:32:27,994
Howard the boyfriend.
609
00:32:27,995 --> 00:32:29,754
You're really her boyfriend?
610
00:32:29,755 --> 00:32:31,114
Yeah.
611
00:32:31,115 --> 00:32:32,194
I don't believe you.
612
00:32:32,195 --> 00:32:33,354
Fuck off, Riz.
613
00:32:33,355 --> 00:32:34,154
I'm Mark.
614
00:32:34,155 --> 00:32:35,354
Fuck off, Mark.
615
00:32:35,355 --> 00:32:37,194
Yeah. Fuck off, Mark.
616
00:32:37,195 --> 00:32:40,274
He's my boyfriend, right,
get over it.
617
00:32:40,275 --> 00:32:42,394
I'm sorry, he's not your boyfriend.
618
00:32:42,395 --> 00:32:46,394
If he wasn't, would I do this?
619
00:32:49,035 --> 00:32:53,034
Possibly not.
620
00:32:55,875 --> 00:32:59,074
Right, careful with the munge.
621
00:32:59,075 --> 00:33:03,074
The munge now has sick in it.
622
00:33:03,515 --> 00:33:06,234
All the warm bit is sick,
623
00:33:06,235 --> 00:33:10,234
the cooler bit is still good munge.
624
00:33:13,435 --> 00:33:16,194
Check it out, the Wentworth crowd.
625
00:33:16,195 --> 00:33:19,234
Looks like we've got
a happening party going on!
626
00:33:19,235 --> 00:33:23,234
Yay!
627
00:33:31,075 --> 00:33:34,474
This could be fun. I think Dave might
be about to kick the shit out of Ralph.
628
00:33:34,475 --> 00:33:35,594
You should stop them!
629
00:33:35,595 --> 00:33:38,234
Yeah, I should stop them,
but... do I want to stop them?
630
00:33:38,235 --> 00:33:41,794
He might also kick the shit out
of JP, who doesn't want that?
631
00:33:41,795 --> 00:33:43,754
So, I have a question for you guys.
632
00:33:43,755 --> 00:33:46,314
JP here reckons
he's a bit of a fanny magnet.
633
00:33:46,315 --> 00:33:47,754
Hey, cut that shit out.
634
00:33:47,755 --> 00:33:49,474
There's no "reckons" about it.
635
00:33:49,475 --> 00:33:53,474
I am the Fuckmeister General.
636
00:33:53,635 --> 00:33:56,714
If he is your boyfriend,
why were you all over me before?
637
00:33:56,715 --> 00:33:58,234
We have an open relationship.
638
00:33:58,235 --> 00:34:01,434
No, we fucking haven't. I'm fucking
serious about you, Howard.
639
00:34:01,435 --> 00:34:02,714
And you're serious about me.
640
00:34:02,715 --> 00:34:05,714
Well, why were you all over him, then?
641
00:34:05,715 --> 00:34:08,114
It was a moment of madness,
you know what I'm like.
642
00:34:08,115 --> 00:34:11,954
That's true. I do know what
she's like. And she's mad.
643
00:34:11,955 --> 00:34:15,354
So, my question to you is,
is it true, as JP claims,
644
00:34:15,355 --> 00:34:19,354
that he pulled
on his first night here?
645
00:34:20,435 --> 00:34:23,194
Yeah, he pulled.
646
00:34:23,195 --> 00:34:26,674
He pulled himself off
looking at his own Facebook photo.
647
00:34:26,675 --> 00:34:28,914
This is just like
more of your bullshit, Vod.
648
00:34:28,915 --> 00:34:32,514
Like when you snogged Russell Brand.
I mean, yeah, fine, Russell Brand.
649
00:34:32,516 --> 00:34:34,674
But, who's this guy?
650
00:34:34,675 --> 00:34:37,274
He's just some guy.
He's not a celebrity.
651
00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:38,595
I'm a drummer.
652
00:34:38,595 --> 00:34:39,914
That doesn't count.
653
00:34:39,915 --> 00:34:42,594
Have you heard that Russell Brand's
in the house?
654
00:34:42,595 --> 00:34:46,594
Britain's favourite Dickensian Goth
is here. C'mon, I'll show you.
655
00:34:48,315 --> 00:34:49,914
So, what's he got
that I haven't got?
656
00:34:49,915 --> 00:34:53,914
Isn't it obvious?
657
00:34:53,995 --> 00:34:55,434
No.
658
00:34:55,435 --> 00:34:57,154
Well...
659
00:34:57,155 --> 00:34:59,994
He's comfortable in his own skin,
unlike you.
660
00:34:59,995 --> 00:35:01,154
You want to be Mark.
661
00:35:01,155 --> 00:35:02,554
I am Mark!
662
00:35:02,555 --> 00:35:04,474
You want to be Riz.
663
00:35:04,475 --> 00:35:05,594
You know what I mean!
664
00:35:05,595 --> 00:35:09,594
I don't want to be like Riz,
actually. Riz is a fucking twat.
665
00:35:09,755 --> 00:35:12,794
And so are you.
666
00:35:12,795 --> 00:35:15,234
Look I'm sorry, Riz!
667
00:35:15,235 --> 00:35:19,234
Mark! I'm sorry, Mark!
668
00:35:23,715 --> 00:35:27,714
She asked me to be
her temporary boyfriend.
669
00:35:27,955 --> 00:35:31,954
It's a service I provide.
670
00:35:37,515 --> 00:35:39,794
They had this pyro man,
his name was Philippe,
671
00:35:39,795 --> 00:35:42,714
they called him the human torch.
There was supposed to be
672
00:35:42,715 --> 00:35:46,714
this backdrop, he pumped me in
with his guitar in Borderline.
673
00:35:51,235 --> 00:35:54,274
The other cool thing
about the girls in the house
674
00:35:54,275 --> 00:35:57,994
is you can sort of...
talk to them and shit,
675
00:35:57,995 --> 00:36:00,914
you know?
676
00:36:00,915 --> 00:36:02,394
How do you mean?
677
00:36:02,395 --> 00:36:05,994
I don't know, it's like,
678
00:36:05,995 --> 00:36:08,834
it's like they're sort of just...
679
00:36:08,835 --> 00:36:10,874
OK.
680
00:36:10,875 --> 00:36:14,874
I can't really explain.
681
00:36:15,355 --> 00:36:19,114
That is fucking poor gym etiquette.
682
00:36:19,115 --> 00:36:22,154
JP! Those weights are expensive!
683
00:36:22,155 --> 00:36:26,074
Go and save my dumbbells, dumbbell!
684
00:36:26,075 --> 00:36:28,594
Paul!
685
00:36:28,595 --> 00:36:32,354
Paul, Paul, mate. Would you stop
throwing shit out the window?
686
00:36:32,355 --> 00:36:36,354
Paul, please don't be a cunt. Paul?
687
00:36:38,355 --> 00:36:41,274
Paul! Let me in,
open the fucking door!
688
00:36:41,276 --> 00:36:42,874
You will cease and desist.
689
00:36:42,875 --> 00:36:46,874
Paul!
690
00:36:51,995 --> 00:36:55,354
So first you nick my trainers,
then you nick Riz?
691
00:36:55,355 --> 00:36:56,794
I thought you wanted
to get off with Mark?
692
00:36:56,795 --> 00:36:58,434
Why would you think that?
693
00:36:58,435 --> 00:37:00,754
Because you were
getting off with Mark.
694
00:37:00,755 --> 00:37:03,314
Doesn't matter...
They're all the same, anyway.
695
00:37:03,315 --> 00:37:07,314
Men, not Asians.
696
00:37:10,915 --> 00:37:12,074
So, where were we?
697
00:37:12,075 --> 00:37:16,074
Yeah, I...
698
00:37:32,995 --> 00:37:35,994
Ralph's chipped. Gougon's cained.
699
00:37:35,995 --> 00:37:37,914
And Josie's got a boyfriend,
700
00:37:37,915 --> 00:37:40,114
so that's my fall-back shag
out the window.
701
00:37:40,115 --> 00:37:41,834
For tonight, anyway.
702
00:37:41,835 --> 00:37:45,834
Right, that's it. I've had enough.
I'm going to bed.
703
00:37:49,635 --> 00:37:52,194
What are you doing?
704
00:37:52,195 --> 00:37:54,114
I'm letting this serve as a warning.
705
00:37:54,115 --> 00:37:55,754
Who to?
706
00:37:55,755 --> 00:37:57,034
In general.
707
00:37:57,035 --> 00:37:58,754
A general warning.
708
00:37:58,755 --> 00:38:02,194
Look, I'm sorry about getting off
with Riz, yeah.
709
00:38:02,195 --> 00:38:03,674
I only did it to shut him up.
710
00:38:03,675 --> 00:38:05,194
Amazing party.
711
00:38:05,195 --> 00:38:07,834
Classic party.
712
00:38:09,675 --> 00:38:12,794
Man. My car! That's...
713
00:38:12,795 --> 00:38:16,154
cool, cos it's my dad's, the dick.
714
00:38:16,155 --> 00:38:20,154
Pass the ash tray.
715
00:38:57,675 --> 00:39:01,674
'Pregnancies among teenagers
are often unplanned and unwanted.
716
00:39:01,675 --> 00:39:03,195
'Unlike older mothers,
717
00:39:03,195 --> 00:39:06,874
'teenager mothers lack education,
experience and income.'
52493
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