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1
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:26,619
Hello?
2
00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:33,059
Hello?!
3
00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:36,499
Hi.
4
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:40,299
Hello?
5
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:43,979
I was er... um, was on my hand.
6
00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:45,819
What?
7
00:00:47,620 --> 00:00:51,619
I just haven't spoken to another
human being in some time.
8
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,219
Wind drying.
9
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,859
Peking ducks.
10
00:00:55,860 --> 00:00:59,859
Right.
11
00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:01,459
Sorry.
12
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:04,219
I've just got used to wearing
trousers of the mind.
13
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:07,459
Well, maybe you should tuck
your cock away
14
00:01:07,460 --> 00:01:11,459
while I make us a nice cup of tea?
15
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:11,499
Ah!
16
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:13,139
Ah!
Hello, sorry.
17
00:02:13,140 --> 00:02:15,739
Er, wow. We can, er...
18
00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:17,499
Right through?
19
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,659
Weird, yeah?
20
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:23,659
Who knew a student house would come
with its very own glory hole!
21
00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:25,779
What's a glory hole?
22
00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:29,259
Oh, it's nothing. It's silly.
23
00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:30,539
Forget it. Just something I heard.
24
00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,019
Definitely heard it before.
25
00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:33,899
Are you Googling? Don't Google...
26
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:35,179
Oh!
27
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:38,579
No, right. I can see now.
28
00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:40,859
That is definitely glorious.
29
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:44,619
Yes, well, not every glory hole
has to be used for... that.
30
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:48,619
They can also be used for...
31
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,739
Kingsley.
32
00:02:51,740 --> 00:02:55,739
Josie.
33
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:03,859
So, you're a coffee man?
34
00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:07,059
Woman.
35
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,579
The Coffster!
36
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,699
Yep. Coffee.
37
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:15,699
I'm mental for my coffee.
Seriously, It's like a problem.
38
00:03:18,580 --> 00:03:22,219
You've got your tea?
39
00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:24,019
It's tea for me.
40
00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:28,019
Miss Tea!
41
00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:31,899
I like tea and coffee, so...
42
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:35,899
You're the mystery woman.
Impossible to pin down.
43
00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:42,739
So, did you arrive, like, yesterday?
44
00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:44,659
Try two years ago.
45
00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:47,899
And did all your mates move on?
46
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:51,419
That is what we must assume.
47
00:03:51,420 --> 00:03:53,219
So...
48
00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:54,859
Look at us all.
49
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:58,219
In a year, we might be like,
50
00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:01,019
"God, we all missed out on halls,
51
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:02,419
"got put into a uni house
52
00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:06,419
"and remember when we had
that first cup of tea?"
53
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:14,699
Very good.
54
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,459
I suppose it falls to me
55
00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:21,459
to guide you through
the secrets of your new abode.
56
00:04:23,820 --> 00:04:27,819
Chest freezer, self-explanatory.
Basic item.
57
00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:30,619
Washing machine, ditto,
yadda yadda yadda.
58
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:32,539
The dry washing machine.
59
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,499
Pointless. Fucked.
60
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,379
This... This isn't...
61
00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:38,139
It's a tumble drier.
62
00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:39,979
That's a good place to crouch.
63
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,779
If you're fearful of,
like, ghosties,
64
00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:45,899
or local youths,
or chemical or biological warfare.
65
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:48,899
Yeah. That's a sweet crouching spot.
66
00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:51,459
So, what course are you doing?
67
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:53,099
Oh, dentistry.
68
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:57,099
And you?
Geology.
69
00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:00,099
Paul Lamb. What I've deduced
from the evidence
70
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,659
since his arrival yesterday.
71
00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:05,299
Loves cumin, hates society, uses
Imperial Leather in moderation,
72
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,059
toilet paper in excess.
73
00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:10,819
Never yet sighted in person.
74
00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:14,739
Paul Lamb, the invisible man.
75
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:17,459
Water will accumulate like that
after a big rain.
76
00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:21,459
That's classic.
Seen that 1,000 times, my friends.
77
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:25,739
That's enough, Speccy Gandalf.
Time to lead us to the fucking pub.
78
00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,299
So, what did you do
in your year off?
79
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,059
I didn't have a year off.
80
00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:33,979
Tell me about it!
Wish I'd had a year off.
81
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:37,659
I thought you said
you had a year off. In Vietnam?
82
00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:39,579
The spider monkey that
could do a scalp massage?
83
00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:41,459
Oh, yeah.
84
00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:43,659
No, but it was hardcore.
85
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,539
More like a year on than a year off.
86
00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:48,859
I did six months working
in a fish factory in Arbroath.
87
00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:52,859
So, you must know a lot about fish.
88
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:56,459
Yeah. One day soon, all the fish
will be gone from the sea.
89
00:05:56,460 --> 00:05:59,379
Let me tell you,
I'll be the first one out
90
00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:02,099
on the streets celebrating. Finally.
91
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:06,099
Fucking victory!
92
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:17,459
Psst!
93
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,059
Hello.
94
00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:21,219
Hey, buddy.
Do you want to come in here?
95
00:06:21,220 --> 00:06:23,939
Don't worry, dude.
I'm not a fucking bender.
96
00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:27,539
And I'm not a homophobe,
so we're both good. See you later.
97
00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:31,179
Come on! Freebies.
Get your schnozz in here.
98
00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:32,579
Yeah, what is it?
99
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:35,819
Coke.
100
00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:38,019
Come on.
101
00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:40,139
Pretty sure it's coke.
102
00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:43,299
I mean, it's from a guy,
so it should be coke.
103
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:44,819
You can go first.
104
00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:47,379
If it isn't coke, then just say.
105
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:51,379
Hello. Could I have one twentieth
of your pint, please?
106
00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:55,619
Should nail something tonight,
right?
107
00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:57,899
This place is crawling
with quality anus.
108
00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:01,739
Excuse me, may I suck on your teat?
109
00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,779
I was going to get
the lemon tickler,
110
00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:06,219
but they're out so just went
with natural.
111
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:09,579
Who needs flavours anyway?
My cock already tastes amazing!
112
00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:11,859
I imagine.
113
00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:14,259
Hello. Could I have one twentieth
of your pint please?
114
00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:15,379
Fuck off, mate.
115
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:17,659
Is the correct answer.
116
00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:20,019
But look what the suckers donated.
117
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,299
What is this?
118
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:24,019
Port and vodka.
119
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:27,939
Baileys. At Stowe, we
called it The Stoweminator.
120
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:29,819
I should probably get
back to my friends.
121
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,659
OK, cool.
122
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,739
You know if you'd like any fruit
from the pussy tree,
123
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:38,739
cameraphone that shit up,
Bluetooth my ass. Wank swap!
124
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:40,179
Sounds fun!
125
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,499
Well, we should probably
meet up tomorrow
126
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,419
for lunch or something, you know?
127
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:47,019
Get a motherfucking baked potato?
Right, dude?
128
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:50,819
Er, yeah! Yeah, although I can't make
that, I came to the wrong thing.
129
00:07:50,820 --> 00:07:53,859
I'm at Knutsford,
doing agricultural engineering.
130
00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:57,739
So, it's been amazing and I've got
to go to Knutsford, so laters.
131
00:07:57,740 --> 00:08:01,739
Will you at least see
if this coke is poisonous?
132
00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:10,179
Shall we talk to women? This place is
crawling with quality human beings.
133
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:12,899
Women like that
aren't for likes of us.
134
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:14,859
Us?
135
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:17,299
She'd sniff us out.
She'd sense the fear.
136
00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:20,979
Nah. I reckon I could easily
slide in there. Vibe it out.
137
00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:23,299
Easy to say, 10 to 15 feet
away from her body.
138
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:25,379
But you couldn't actually
talk to her.
139
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,619
Course I could!
140
00:08:26,620 --> 00:08:30,619
Back home,
they call me... the Pussyman.
141
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,979
People refer to you
as the Pussyman?
142
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:34,819
Yes.
143
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:37,059
"Would the Pussyman
like some cashew nuts?"
144
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:39,419
"Yes please, the Pussyman
adores cashew nuts!"
145
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:42,259
Look, you get the drinks. Fuck it,
I'll see if Josie wants to...
146
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,899
No, Josie's taken.
147
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:46,299
Pow, pa-pow-pow!
148
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:49,142
Oh, for fuck's sake!
149
00:09:00,256 --> 00:09:02,415
A book. Nice.
150
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,855
So, you into books and that?
151
00:09:04,856 --> 00:09:06,735
Yeah, I suppose I am.
152
00:09:06,736 --> 00:09:09,615
Cool, I'm a bit of a booky
and that myself.
153
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:13,615
Love them words.
Us bookies should stick together.
154
00:09:14,936 --> 00:09:16,895
Nightmare, isn't it?
155
00:09:16,896 --> 00:09:19,335
Hi, I'm Howard.
This is my friend The Pu...
156
00:09:19,336 --> 00:09:21,015
Person Who Goes By
The Name Of Kingsley.
157
00:09:21,016 --> 00:09:24,095
Rachel.
158
00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:26,895
Anyway, bollocks to me.
It's all about you.
159
00:09:26,896 --> 00:09:30,895
I bet you're from somewhere normal,
like Coventry.
160
00:09:31,216 --> 00:09:32,495
Aberbeeg.
161
00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:34,655
Exactly. Somewhere like that.
Brilliant.
162
00:09:34,656 --> 00:09:38,095
Re-charge!
163
00:09:38,096 --> 00:09:42,095
Sorry!
164
00:09:58,856 --> 00:10:01,095
What do you think of Kingsley?
165
00:10:01,096 --> 00:10:02,135
I like Kingsley.
166
00:10:02,136 --> 00:10:03,175
I like Kingsley.
167
00:10:03,176 --> 00:10:04,775
Don't shit where you eat.
168
00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:07,415
Oh, God, I don't "like him"
like him. I just like him.
169
00:10:07,416 --> 00:10:09,855
Oh, I know, me neither. Exactly.
170
00:10:09,856 --> 00:10:12,495
Anyway, I think he's pulled,
not that I even care.
171
00:10:12,496 --> 00:10:14,775
Course he has.
First night's a freebie.
172
00:10:14,776 --> 00:10:17,215
Are you girls banging tonight?
173
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,855
Er?
174
00:10:18,856 --> 00:10:20,495
I dunno? Are you?
175
00:10:20,496 --> 00:10:22,335
Maybe.
I like to strap one on early,
176
00:10:22,336 --> 00:10:24,775
get one under the belt.
But that's just me.
177
00:10:24,776 --> 00:10:26,335
Of course.
178
00:10:26,336 --> 00:10:28,455
Some good-looking guys here.
179
00:10:28,456 --> 00:10:31,255
And girls.
180
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:35,255
Oh, yeah. Totally.
181
00:10:35,776 --> 00:10:37,655
So. What A levels did you do?
182
00:10:39,616 --> 00:10:41,135
Oh.
183
00:10:41,136 --> 00:10:42,975
I'm sorry. It's cool. It's just...
184
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,375
I know! I'm sorry.
I don't even know why I asked.
185
00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:48,615
Don't worry. It's fine.
It's just a bit lame.
186
00:10:48,616 --> 00:10:50,695
Oh, God! Am I incredibly lame?
187
00:10:50,696 --> 00:10:52,455
Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
188
00:10:52,456 --> 00:10:55,415
It's not lame.
It's just I didn't do any A levels.
189
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:58,535
I took my exams out of
the barrel of a gun.
190
00:10:58,536 --> 00:11:01,455
Yeah. Besides.
Lameness comes out in the wash.
191
00:11:01,456 --> 00:11:05,455
Just got to scrub it off with booze
and spliff and pussy and cock.
192
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,775
So then Mum started having
seizures and I had to stay
193
00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:15,415
in the flat to look after her.
194
00:11:15,416 --> 00:11:17,775
Me and Mum, that's been
the last five years.
195
00:11:17,776 --> 00:11:20,895
Sorry, I'm gabbling.
When you asked about the crisps,
196
00:11:20,896 --> 00:11:23,015
I got on a roll.
I'm gabbling again.
197
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,775
No, it's amazing.
198
00:11:24,776 --> 00:11:26,975
I just had to do it.
I meant until I came here.
199
00:11:26,976 --> 00:11:30,335
What, eventually you just said,
"fuck you, I'm going"?
200
00:11:30,336 --> 00:11:34,335
What? No! God, no. Now she
has a dog who looks after her.
201
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,095
A dog?
202
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,615
It's trained to tell
when she's about to have a fit.
203
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,895
It must have been difficult for you.
204
00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:44,575
I guess, but on the plus side,
you're aware
205
00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:48,575
of the fragility of people,
how much we all need each other.
206
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,695
I'm just with some friends,
207
00:11:50,696 --> 00:11:53,855
but I might get my bag
and may be we could grab a seat?
208
00:11:53,856 --> 00:11:57,855
Oh, yeah, great, yeah.
209
00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:00,295
Yum, yum, yum.
210
00:12:00,296 --> 00:12:01,255
What?
211
00:12:01,256 --> 00:12:03,815
She ate that up, you filthy beast.
212
00:12:03,816 --> 00:12:06,055
What? The bullshit.
213
00:12:06,056 --> 00:12:07,695
She ate it all down.
214
00:12:07,696 --> 00:12:09,175
That wasn't bullshit.
215
00:12:09,176 --> 00:12:13,175
The five years in the council flat?
The fits? The wasted youth? The dog?
216
00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:15,295
No. That's all for real.
217
00:12:15,296 --> 00:12:17,655
Wow.
218
00:12:17,656 --> 00:12:20,495
Then that is pretty gay, man.
219
00:12:20,496 --> 00:12:22,095
How is looking after my mum gay?
220
00:12:22,096 --> 00:12:23,735
If I was humping her,
221
00:12:23,736 --> 00:12:27,735
and she wasn't my mum and she was
a man, that might have been gay.
222
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,215
So, have either of you got
boyfriends at home or...?
223
00:12:36,216 --> 00:12:37,695
Nah.
224
00:12:37,696 --> 00:12:41,095
National Express doesn't even
go to Belmarsh, so, you know?
225
00:12:41,096 --> 00:12:43,055
No. Thank God.
226
00:12:43,056 --> 00:12:45,575
My sister says you're on the
phone the first year,
227
00:12:45,576 --> 00:12:47,935
you break up and second year's
like first year
228
00:12:47,936 --> 00:12:51,295
and third year's like your second
year but with the hot guys nailed,
229
00:12:51,296 --> 00:12:55,295
you're left on the shelf if there
was one, which there isn't.
230
00:12:57,336 --> 00:13:01,175
So, nightmare,
this statement bullshit, right?
231
00:13:01,176 --> 00:13:04,775
Oh, yeah. Too right. What statement?
232
00:13:04,776 --> 00:13:07,415
The 1,000-word "Why English?"
statement for tomorrow?
233
00:13:07,416 --> 00:13:11,415
Oh, no. I've been off-grid. I haven't
done any laundry since June.
234
00:13:11,536 --> 00:13:14,455
Seriously, when I saw squeezy
Marmite I freaked my nut.
235
00:13:14,456 --> 00:13:18,055
Maybe I might...
strap a guy on for the night?
236
00:13:18,056 --> 00:13:19,215
Do it.
237
00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,895
He looks like a safe pair of hands.
238
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:24,335
Clean. A washer.
239
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:27,615
I'm not sure I totally
liked him but...
240
00:13:27,616 --> 00:13:30,415
Whoa, You don't want to get into
"liking".
241
00:13:30,416 --> 00:13:34,415
First night, starter lay -
strictly business.
242
00:13:37,896 --> 00:13:39,975
I was thinking of heading back
to my place.
243
00:13:39,976 --> 00:13:41,535
Fine. Understood.
244
00:13:41,536 --> 00:13:45,455
No... But wondered
if you fancied coming?
245
00:13:45,456 --> 00:13:46,655
Well, sure!
246
00:13:46,656 --> 00:13:48,335
Great!
I'll go and say goodbye.
247
00:13:48,336 --> 00:13:50,935
Sure.
248
00:13:50,936 --> 00:13:54,015
Don't do this. This does not happen.
It's a trap.
249
00:13:54,016 --> 00:13:58,015
It's not a trap, Howard,
it's just how the Pussyman rolls.
250
00:13:58,616 --> 00:14:00,695
Your kidneys are going on eBay.
251
00:14:00,696 --> 00:14:04,695
She's going to eat you.
And not in the good way.
252
00:14:12,536 --> 00:14:14,095
OK.
253
00:14:14,096 --> 00:14:17,215
Right. Good.
254
00:14:17,216 --> 00:14:20,255
Here we go.
255
00:14:20,256 --> 00:14:23,495
Can't just wait around forever
like a silver ring... ming.
256
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:27,495
So, time to load up and... strap on!
257
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,455
OK. Yeah.
258
00:14:30,456 --> 00:14:32,255
She's doing it.
259
00:14:32,256 --> 00:14:36,255
That's cool.
260
00:14:36,256 --> 00:14:38,575
So what A levels did you do?
261
00:14:38,576 --> 00:14:42,575
Maths, chemistry and physics.
They call it the nut buster.
262
00:14:53,698 --> 00:14:55,457
Paul, is that you?
263
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:56,617
Where's my wine?
264
00:14:56,618 --> 00:14:58,977
Shall we say "yo"?
265
00:14:58,978 --> 00:15:02,977
Er... Nah, let's not say "yo"
right now.
266
00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:11,937
So, here we are.
267
00:15:11,938 --> 00:15:15,937
You, me, a mattress.
268
00:15:16,018 --> 00:15:20,017
Well, let's... do this thing!
269
00:15:31,058 --> 00:15:34,537
Uh... There's no sheet.
270
00:15:34,538 --> 00:15:36,937
Do you mind if I...
Could we put a sheet on?
271
00:15:36,938 --> 00:15:39,377
Yeah, that's cool. Totally cool.
272
00:15:39,378 --> 00:15:41,057
It's got elasticated corners
273
00:15:41,058 --> 00:15:43,497
so it won't take very long.
If you take that end...
274
00:15:43,498 --> 00:15:44,577
No problemo.
275
00:15:44,578 --> 00:15:47,657
Oh. Sorry, yanked a bit
too hard there.
276
00:15:47,658 --> 00:15:48,697
It's fine.
277
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:52,697
I promise I won't yank too hard
on your... breasts.
278
00:15:59,138 --> 00:16:03,017
It's a... nice sheet.
279
00:16:03,018 --> 00:16:05,097
High motherfuckin' thread count, hey?
280
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:08,137
Yeah. Egyptian cotton.
281
00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:11,217
There was a deal on if you bought
the pillowcase and duvet set,
282
00:16:11,218 --> 00:16:14,497
although when we got to the
till that only applied
283
00:16:14,498 --> 00:16:18,497
to a single duvet set but they
should have made that clearer.
284
00:16:19,538 --> 00:16:23,537
They should. They bloody should.
285
00:16:36,858 --> 00:16:39,377
Hello, Oregon.
286
00:16:39,378 --> 00:16:41,817
Are you awake?
287
00:16:41,818 --> 00:16:45,617
Uh?
288
00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:48,137
Yeah, are you awake?
289
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:50,697
Yeah. Yeah. I'm awake.
290
00:16:50,698 --> 00:16:53,777
Cool.
Can I borrow your statement thing?
291
00:16:53,778 --> 00:16:55,537
What?
292
00:16:55,538 --> 00:16:57,657
I won't copy it, necessarily.
293
00:16:57,658 --> 00:17:01,137
I just want to read it
for inspiration.
294
00:17:01,138 --> 00:17:03,017
OK.
295
00:17:03,018 --> 00:17:06,017
It's just... It's meant to be
a personal statement
296
00:17:06,018 --> 00:17:08,377
about what you think
of the syllabus and...
297
00:17:08,378 --> 00:17:11,137
I know, it's just, it's late,
298
00:17:11,138 --> 00:17:14,417
if I had a wrap of speed
and a little bag of weed and some
299
00:17:14,418 --> 00:17:16,857
proper coffee and some Pro Plus
and Night Nurse
300
00:17:16,858 --> 00:17:20,857
and some mushrooms and some books,
I could bang out a statement
301
00:17:21,018 --> 00:17:23,617
in half an hour and it would be
brilliant. But I don't.
302
00:17:23,618 --> 00:17:25,497
I might have
Strepsils somewhere.
303
00:17:25,498 --> 00:17:29,497
Yeah, but I'm still a bit pissed,
and I can't think of why I want to do
304
00:17:30,618 --> 00:17:34,617
English right now. I thought I should
probably put something about books.
305
00:17:36,298 --> 00:17:38,857
This isn't a big deal for you, is it?
306
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:42,177
What? No.
307
00:17:42,178 --> 00:17:46,177
No. It's not like I spent
any time on it or anything.
308
00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:48,897
I whacked it out watching TV.
I haven't even read it.
309
00:17:48,898 --> 00:17:51,217
Why read something
if you've written it?
310
00:17:51,218 --> 00:17:54,417
Can I just see it, mate?
311
00:17:54,418 --> 00:17:58,417
Yeah.
312
00:18:02,378 --> 00:18:04,337
Cheers.
313
00:18:04,338 --> 00:18:08,337
Oh... Uh-huh...
314
00:18:08,778 --> 00:18:11,617
Yeah.
315
00:18:11,618 --> 00:18:15,617
Loads of these look like the same
reasons why I picked English too.
316
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,097
Um... Josie.
317
00:18:42,098 --> 00:18:43,137
Yeah?
318
00:18:43,138 --> 00:18:45,497
Do you think as you've got your
femidom, I might
319
00:18:45,498 --> 00:18:48,617
be able to take off my condom?
320
00:18:48,618 --> 00:18:52,217
Oh, I dunno. Erm,
belt and braces, you know.
321
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,617
Better safe than sorry?
322
00:18:54,618 --> 00:18:57,697
It's just, with both,
it feels like we're double-bagging.
323
00:18:57,698 --> 00:18:59,017
Hm?
324
00:18:59,018 --> 00:19:02,417
Cucumber's already in the
shopping bag, maybe we could
325
00:19:02,418 --> 00:19:05,097
take it out of the cellophane?
326
00:19:05,098 --> 00:19:06,977
Right.
327
00:19:06,978 --> 00:19:10,777
It's just I'm finding it
quite hard to, you know,
328
00:19:10,778 --> 00:19:12,457
split the atom.
329
00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:16,457
Would you mind, you know, talking?
330
00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:20,897
Oh, right, OK.
331
00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:26,537
Hump me with your mega-cock.
332
00:19:49,138 --> 00:19:52,337
So... you changing a lot?
333
00:19:52,338 --> 00:19:55,857
Oh, yeah. The tutor's never
going to know I read yours.
334
00:19:55,858 --> 00:19:59,617
Cool. So what are you changing?
335
00:19:59,618 --> 00:20:03,617
Everything. The font.
The words, the name, the...
336
00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:05,777
stuff.
337
00:20:05,778 --> 00:20:08,217
Cool.
338
00:20:08,218 --> 00:20:11,257
It's great, cos I don't want
to get chucked off my scam.
339
00:20:11,258 --> 00:20:11,977
Your scam?
340
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,177
Officer bursary. RAF.
341
00:20:14,178 --> 00:20:17,737
Only bit of the forces where
a woman trains to kill a man.
342
00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:20,177
Obviously.
343
00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:22,817
Sweet. Yeah. I was thinking I might
344
00:20:22,818 --> 00:20:26,817
go into new media but the air force
would probably be the other option.
345
00:20:38,898 --> 00:20:42,897
Thought I might write another
statement. For a laugh.
346
00:20:44,058 --> 00:20:48,057
And in case he thinks
that I've copied you.
347
00:20:48,058 --> 00:20:50,817
It's only twenty past three.
I've got hours.
348
00:20:50,818 --> 00:20:53,577
I'd feel bad if I was making you
do another one.
349
00:20:53,578 --> 00:20:57,577
What? No. I'm just sparking.
I'm vibing.
350
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:02,177
Right.
351
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,657
But... If you're going to hand
a new one in,
352
00:21:04,658 --> 00:21:08,657
I might like, just, put my name on
the one you've already written?
353
00:21:09,258 --> 00:21:13,217
Yeah, that would be cool.
Yeah, why not?
354
00:21:13,218 --> 00:21:17,217
Cos it'd be stupid
us both staying up.
355
00:21:17,698 --> 00:21:19,417
I might get some sleep.
356
00:21:19,418 --> 00:21:21,137
Don't work too hard.
357
00:21:21,138 --> 00:21:25,137
I won't!
358
00:22:06,018 --> 00:22:10,017
Hey, Jamie?
Guess what? I'm in the game.
359
00:22:10,138 --> 00:22:12,497
Currently behind enemy lines.
360
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:16,497
I, my friend,
am a certified vagina miner!
361
00:22:19,818 --> 00:22:21,377
Morning.
362
00:22:21,378 --> 00:22:22,417
Morning.
363
00:22:22,418 --> 00:22:24,857
Last night was fun.
I guess we should both call
364
00:22:24,858 --> 00:22:28,217
our parents and talk about how
and when we're going to get married.
365
00:22:28,218 --> 00:22:30,137
Er... yeah.
366
00:22:30,138 --> 00:22:32,537
I'm kidding!
No, I need to get going.
367
00:22:32,538 --> 00:22:36,537
There is a breakfast offered as part
of the service but it's continental.
368
00:22:36,858 --> 00:22:38,497
Grab a Ryvita and fuck off!
369
00:22:38,498 --> 00:22:41,897
Off I fuck!
370
00:22:41,898 --> 00:22:45,537
No, seriously, I'll get my shit
together and be out of your hair.
371
00:22:45,538 --> 00:22:47,057
Just need to work out
372
00:22:47,058 --> 00:22:51,057
where it is that I'm going.
Where am I now?
373
00:22:54,018 --> 00:22:55,657
28 Hartnell.
374
00:22:55,658 --> 00:22:58,977
Yeah, how do I get to Hartnell?
375
00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:00,257
No, you're in Hartnell.
376
00:23:00,258 --> 00:23:02,257
No, I'm going to Hartnell.
377
00:23:02,258 --> 00:23:05,017
No, you're at 28 Hartnell.
That's why I said 28 Hartnell.
378
00:23:05,018 --> 00:23:08,417
No, look, you've got confused.
I was late applying for halls,
379
00:23:08,418 --> 00:23:12,417
so they've put me
in one of the university houses.
380
00:23:16,658 --> 00:23:20,137
This is 28 Hartnell?
381
00:23:20,138 --> 00:23:24,097
This is 28 Hartnell.
382
00:23:24,098 --> 00:23:25,857
Oh.
383
00:23:25,858 --> 00:23:29,173
Fuck.
384
00:23:39,078 --> 00:23:41,397
Yo, it's the Pussyman.
385
00:23:41,514 --> 00:23:44,993
Huh. More often, people
actually just call me K.
386
00:23:44,994 --> 00:23:48,633
So... congratulations.
387
00:23:48,634 --> 00:23:50,193
First night.
388
00:23:50,194 --> 00:23:53,313
Two of the team slammed and banged,
am I right?
389
00:23:53,314 --> 00:23:57,113
Two lumps for my humps.
390
00:23:57,114 --> 00:24:00,273
Oh, wow! Did you...?
391
00:24:00,274 --> 00:24:01,913
Well...
392
00:24:01,914 --> 00:24:05,193
a gentleman, doesn't like to...
393
00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:06,473
you know.
394
00:24:07,714 --> 00:24:11,193
Well, I'm afraid, I...
it didn't happen.
395
00:24:11,194 --> 00:24:13,633
We were walking home,
and he started...
396
00:24:13,634 --> 00:24:15,753
rugby-tackling a bollard,
397
00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:19,233
and I was like, "Dude, even for
a starter lay, I have standards!"
398
00:24:19,234 --> 00:24:22,033
But I thought I heard... sex noise?
399
00:24:22,034 --> 00:24:23,153
No.
400
00:24:23,154 --> 00:24:24,753
That might have been material
401
00:24:24,754 --> 00:24:28,753
I was watching on the internet
too loud?
402
00:24:28,794 --> 00:24:31,673
That can happen.
403
00:24:41,794 --> 00:24:44,273
What's with the mega bowl?
404
00:24:44,274 --> 00:24:46,033
Blinner.
405
00:24:46,034 --> 00:24:48,153
Breakfast, lunch and dinner.
406
00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:51,233
I don't have time for this
multiple meal bullshit.
407
00:24:51,234 --> 00:24:54,393
Number Seven's here!
408
00:24:54,394 --> 00:24:55,473
All right!
409
00:24:55,474 --> 00:24:59,473
JP's the name. Learnin', drinkin'
and shaggin's the game!
410
00:25:00,954 --> 00:25:02,273
Fuck me!
411
00:25:02,274 --> 00:25:04,033
It's Knutsford!
412
00:25:04,034 --> 00:25:05,433
Agricultural engineering
413
00:25:05,434 --> 00:25:07,793
not a big enough canvas
for your huge stylings?
414
00:25:07,794 --> 00:25:11,353
Yeah, I actually changed.
They were full. So...
415
00:25:11,354 --> 00:25:13,073
Geology.
416
00:25:13,074 --> 00:25:16,633
But anyway, it'll all be rocks.
417
00:25:16,634 --> 00:25:18,073
I'm Josie.
418
00:25:18,074 --> 00:25:20,913
Oh, hello, Josie, I'm JP.
419
00:25:20,914 --> 00:25:22,913
Nice to... meet you.
420
00:25:22,914 --> 00:25:25,673
Nice to meet you, JP, I'm Josie.
421
00:25:25,674 --> 00:25:29,193
You said.
422
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:30,713
Good. Right.
423
00:25:30,714 --> 00:25:34,713
Well, I'm going to go put my items
up in my room.
424
00:25:38,794 --> 00:25:40,553
It's him from the pub...
425
00:25:40,554 --> 00:25:43,033
Mr Safe Pair Of Hands.
426
00:25:43,034 --> 00:25:46,753
Yeah, it's him, but I don't think we
need to mention it, cos like I said,
427
00:25:46,754 --> 00:25:48,353
nothing happened.
428
00:25:48,354 --> 00:25:51,273
Hey! Did you finish the statement?
429
00:25:51,274 --> 00:25:54,353
Yeah. Got three hours sleep too,
so that's cool.
430
00:25:54,354 --> 00:25:58,073
Um. OK, right.
431
00:25:58,074 --> 00:25:59,873
I've just had a look
432
00:25:59,874 --> 00:26:03,513
at my so-called room and I'd like
to call a little house meeting.
433
00:26:03,514 --> 00:26:05,993
So, eh... house meeting?!
434
00:26:05,994 --> 00:26:08,473
Right, my room.
435
00:26:08,474 --> 00:26:10,833
It's squalid, it's small,
436
00:26:10,834 --> 00:26:13,273
it's ridiculously small.
437
00:26:13,274 --> 00:26:16,313
I mean, is it a joke?
Is it like a joke room?
438
00:26:16,314 --> 00:26:18,673
I mean your room looks lovely,
so, I mean...
439
00:26:18,674 --> 00:26:20,793
can I have it?
440
00:26:20,794 --> 00:26:23,753
No. Why don't you swap with Howard
downstairs?
441
00:26:23,754 --> 00:26:25,593
Because his room is horrible.
442
00:26:25,594 --> 00:26:27,153
I've looked at all the rooms,
443
00:26:27,154 --> 00:26:29,393
apart from the one at the top
which is locked,
444
00:26:29,394 --> 00:26:33,073
and they're all nicer than mine,
except Howard's which is horrible.
445
00:26:33,074 --> 00:26:37,073
How long have you been in there?
Maybe you should get a promotion.
446
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:38,953
I'm quite content.
447
00:26:38,954 --> 00:26:41,993
I do not wish to be part
of these... negotiations.
448
00:26:41,994 --> 00:26:45,993
The nicest room in the house is
the attic which I believe is yours?
449
00:26:46,154 --> 00:26:50,153
So, if I were to give you money,
can I have it?
450
00:26:50,514 --> 00:26:52,433
No, no, come on now!
451
00:26:52,434 --> 00:26:53,073
How much?
452
00:26:53,074 --> 00:26:54,473
Oh, no, you can't just...
453
00:26:54,474 --> 00:26:56,873
20 quid a week, hush money,
we swap rooms.
454
00:26:56,874 --> 00:26:58,073
Deal.
455
00:26:58,074 --> 00:27:01,273
No, absolutely not.
You can't just muscle in here!
456
00:27:01,274 --> 00:27:03,513
Can it, Karl Marx,
we've made a deal.
457
00:27:03,514 --> 00:27:06,073
If you don't like it,
you can fuck off to China.
458
00:27:06,074 --> 00:27:07,833
No, no.
459
00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:09,953
Look, mate, you can't
just muscle in here
460
00:27:09,954 --> 00:27:12,273
and start throwing
your weight around, OK?
461
00:27:12,274 --> 00:27:13,513
Relax, all right?
462
00:27:13,514 --> 00:27:16,873
It's not like I'm trying to hump
anyone with my mega-cock, is it?
463
00:27:16,874 --> 00:27:18,473
We made a deal.
464
00:27:18,474 --> 00:27:21,153
She's happy, I'm happy.
465
00:27:21,154 --> 00:27:24,353
Although I also need priority
boarding to the attic bathroom.
466
00:27:24,354 --> 00:27:25,433
Fine with me.
467
00:27:25,434 --> 00:27:27,033
I have strong objections!
468
00:27:27,034 --> 00:27:29,033
All right, Knutsford.
469
00:27:29,034 --> 00:27:32,553
How about I also agree
to pay for Sky+ HD
470
00:27:32,554 --> 00:27:36,553
with Sport and Movies?
471
00:27:37,274 --> 00:27:41,273
My moral objections
have largely been addressed.
472
00:28:02,594 --> 00:28:04,273
JP... ugh!
473
00:28:04,274 --> 00:28:05,673
What a dick!
474
00:28:05,674 --> 00:28:07,473
Bet you're glad nothing happened.
475
00:28:07,474 --> 00:28:10,473
Am I ever! I mean, dude, am I ever!
476
00:28:10,474 --> 00:28:13,273
I mean, do you think
we should do something?
477
00:28:13,274 --> 00:28:15,473
Kill him and stuff him
with his own pate?
478
00:28:15,474 --> 00:28:17,873
No, do you want to live
with someone like that?
479
00:28:17,874 --> 00:28:20,273
No, I don't, but what can we do?
480
00:28:20,274 --> 00:28:22,913
Maybe we should deal with it
early on, you know, say,
481
00:28:22,914 --> 00:28:26,513
"This isn't right for us, it's not
right for you, sling your hook."
482
00:28:26,514 --> 00:28:29,593
What, just ask him to leave?
I dunno. I mean, I talk a good game,
483
00:28:29,594 --> 00:28:32,473
but I very rarely tell people
what I think to their face.
484
00:28:32,474 --> 00:28:34,113
Kings!
485
00:28:34,114 --> 00:28:36,513
Hey, Kingsley! Great to see you!
486
00:28:36,514 --> 00:28:37,953
We should go.
487
00:28:37,954 --> 00:28:39,793
The girl you got with last night?
488
00:28:39,794 --> 00:28:43,473
Not even a hello?
Wow, you really are The Pussyman.
489
00:28:43,474 --> 00:28:45,633
Look. She was crazy into me,
is the truth,
490
00:28:45,634 --> 00:28:47,633
and I just don't need that shit, so...
491
00:28:47,634 --> 00:28:51,553
Is this a...
492
00:28:51,554 --> 00:28:52,913
Christian thing?
493
00:28:52,914 --> 00:28:56,193
Erm... yeah, yeah, it is.
494
00:28:56,194 --> 00:29:00,113
Well, last night, she was
worshipping at the temple of...
495
00:29:00,114 --> 00:29:03,153
Hey, Kings! Have you got your card?
496
00:29:03,154 --> 00:29:06,073
There was a problem
with the standing order?
497
00:29:06,074 --> 00:29:08,553
Oh, was there? How unusual?
498
00:29:08,554 --> 00:29:11,033
I'll give HSBC a piece of my mind!
499
00:29:11,034 --> 00:29:15,033
Cos I wondered if you were having
doubts about your involvement?
500
00:29:15,954 --> 00:29:17,393
No, no.
501
00:29:17,394 --> 00:29:18,953
God, no.
502
00:29:18,954 --> 00:29:20,753
What you said last night was great,
503
00:29:20,754 --> 00:29:24,273
about Jesus being a... What was it?
504
00:29:24,274 --> 00:29:28,033
Erm... that he was... like
a superhero?
505
00:29:28,034 --> 00:29:30,313
With his... powers and his...
506
00:29:30,314 --> 00:29:32,553
sort of costume.
507
00:29:32,554 --> 00:29:33,713
Um, sorry?
508
00:29:33,714 --> 00:29:37,713
Oh, sorry.
509
00:29:38,834 --> 00:29:40,913
Look... The truth is,
nothing happened.
510
00:29:40,914 --> 00:29:42,753
She doesn't... she didn't fancy me.
511
00:29:42,754 --> 00:29:45,113
She was just trying to save my soul.
512
00:29:45,114 --> 00:29:46,753
What a bitch!
513
00:29:46,754 --> 00:29:48,153
Yeah, I thought so.
514
00:29:48,154 --> 00:29:51,993
It was going well until she said
that she believes, quite strongly,
515
00:29:51,994 --> 00:29:55,233
that sexual impulses are sent
by Satan to lure us into a trap,
516
00:29:55,234 --> 00:29:58,233
which ends with our souls
frying like bacon for eternity.
517
00:29:58,234 --> 00:30:00,553
So, she tricked you?
518
00:30:00,554 --> 00:30:01,993
You should be ashamed!
519
00:30:01,994 --> 00:30:03,673
Sorry?
520
00:30:03,674 --> 00:30:06,033
Targeting a lonely,
sexually frustrated guy,
521
00:30:06,034 --> 00:30:09,433
just cos you've picked out
the weak antelope in the herd?
522
00:30:09,434 --> 00:30:12,953
I think it's more like they target
power brokers? Opinion formers?
523
00:30:12,954 --> 00:30:14,233
He was interested.
524
00:30:14,234 --> 00:30:15,673
No, he was not!
525
00:30:15,674 --> 00:30:18,273
You snared him in, because...
526
00:30:18,274 --> 00:30:20,553
because... well, because...
you're hot, OK?
527
00:30:20,554 --> 00:30:23,793
That's a fact. I don't find you hot,
but the fact is you are hot, OK?
528
00:30:23,794 --> 00:30:27,793
So, there you go. Fuck you!
529
00:30:34,034 --> 00:30:34,833
Occupied!
530
00:30:34,834 --> 00:30:35,993
What?
531
00:30:35,994 --> 00:30:38,673
This room is occupied. Do not enter.
532
00:30:38,674 --> 00:30:40,913
We've been over this.
It's my bathroom!
533
00:30:40,914 --> 00:30:42,393
I never gave my consent.
534
00:30:42,394 --> 00:30:43,713
I'm coming in.
535
00:30:43,714 --> 00:30:47,713
No. Do not come in!
536
00:30:48,554 --> 00:30:49,673
I object!
537
00:30:49,674 --> 00:30:51,073
Objection overruled.
538
00:30:51,074 --> 00:30:52,913
Use the civilian bog.
539
00:30:52,914 --> 00:30:55,993
No. I have common law access rights.
540
00:30:55,994 --> 00:30:57,953
You're squatting!
541
00:30:57,954 --> 00:31:01,273
You are literally squatting
on my property!
542
00:31:01,274 --> 00:31:03,753
Possession is nine-tenths
of the law.
543
00:31:03,754 --> 00:31:07,753
Well, how long are you going to be?
544
00:31:07,914 --> 00:31:09,153
I may be some time.
545
00:31:09,154 --> 00:31:11,033
Right, fine.
546
00:31:11,034 --> 00:31:14,753
Well...
547
00:31:14,754 --> 00:31:18,753
I can handle it
if you can handle it.
548
00:31:20,914 --> 00:31:23,313
I can take it...
549
00:31:23,314 --> 00:31:27,313
if you can take it.
550
00:31:29,434 --> 00:31:33,433
Oh... I can take it.
551
00:31:38,074 --> 00:31:42,073
Then we're both happy.
552
00:31:54,474 --> 00:31:56,273
Oh! I can't take it!
553
00:31:56,274 --> 00:32:00,273
But only because I was not
brought up in squalor, Howard!
554
00:32:00,674 --> 00:32:04,673
You'll pay for using my humanity
against me, you beast!
555
00:32:12,154 --> 00:32:15,753
Come on, come on in.
Meat for the grinder this way.
556
00:32:15,754 --> 00:32:19,753
Send in the fresh meat
for the grinder!
557
00:32:22,634 --> 00:32:26,633
Now, before we begin, can I just
make a rather difficult announcement?
558
00:32:27,794 --> 00:32:30,833
You will hear a lot of rumours
in this department.
559
00:32:30,834 --> 00:32:33,673
A lot of... shittle-tattle.
560
00:32:33,674 --> 00:32:36,113
But whatever you hear,
561
00:32:36,114 --> 00:32:39,913
or have heard about me and
my relationships with human beings,
562
00:32:39,914 --> 00:32:42,953
is very unlikely to be true.
563
00:32:42,954 --> 00:32:45,673
OK? Good. So...
564
00:32:45,674 --> 00:32:48,193
Your statements of intent.
565
00:32:48,194 --> 00:32:52,193
Excellent.
566
00:32:53,474 --> 00:32:55,353
You're not going to read them?!
567
00:32:55,354 --> 00:32:57,313
I've filed them for reading later.
568
00:32:57,314 --> 00:32:59,353
But I feel we can now move on
to the actual...
569
00:32:59,354 --> 00:33:02,433
readin' and discussin' of the books.
570
00:33:02,434 --> 00:33:04,953
So, on to the big questions.
571
00:33:04,954 --> 00:33:08,393
Harriet Beecher Stowe
and Henry David Thoreau.
572
00:33:08,394 --> 00:33:10,193
Why do they rhyme?
573
00:33:10,194 --> 00:33:12,833
And what's with all the bleedin' names?
574
00:33:12,834 --> 00:33:16,833
But... sorry. Some of us might have
spent quite a while writing those.
575
00:33:16,874 --> 00:33:18,673
And what would I have gleaned
576
00:33:18,674 --> 00:33:22,593
from reading your in sights
on the course, missy?
577
00:33:22,594 --> 00:33:23,993
I...
578
00:33:23,994 --> 00:33:26,193
There's too much weight
given to novelists,
579
00:33:26,194 --> 00:33:28,273
and you ignore poetry
and playwrights.
580
00:33:28,274 --> 00:33:30,193
You go, girl!
581
00:33:30,194 --> 00:33:32,953
Head Girl's got her vibe on.
582
00:33:32,954 --> 00:33:36,913
Tell you what. Do me 2,000 more words
on that, and we'll see.
583
00:33:36,914 --> 00:33:38,513
How do I know you'll read that?
584
00:33:38,514 --> 00:33:42,513
You won't. Exciting, isn't it?
585
00:33:50,114 --> 00:33:52,313
So what am I going to use
for a reason?
586
00:33:52,314 --> 00:33:55,273
I don't know.
"You're not of our kind, JP?
587
00:33:55,274 --> 00:33:58,633
"We don't play bridge or kill
strippers here. You'll get bored."
588
00:33:58,634 --> 00:34:00,633
I think if I'm actually
going to do this,
589
00:34:00,634 --> 00:34:02,713
afterwards, I'll need carbohydrates.
590
00:34:02,714 --> 00:34:06,713
What do you reckon? Carb crawl?
591
00:34:08,874 --> 00:34:10,513
I know.
592
00:34:10,514 --> 00:34:12,553
Is that... a thing you do?
593
00:34:12,554 --> 00:34:14,553
JP did it when I was asleep...
594
00:34:14,554 --> 00:34:16,353
as revenge.
595
00:34:16,354 --> 00:34:17,913
But it's not an issue.
596
00:34:17,914 --> 00:34:19,793
No?
597
00:34:19,794 --> 00:34:21,153
It's his ink,
598
00:34:21,154 --> 00:34:25,153
it has no thing to do with my face.
599
00:34:28,194 --> 00:34:30,193
OK. See you at the kebab shop
at seven.
600
00:34:30,194 --> 00:34:34,193
OK.
601
00:34:42,194 --> 00:34:43,593
Hey, dude.
602
00:34:43,594 --> 00:34:47,593
Hey, it's Knutsford. The K-man!
603
00:34:48,314 --> 00:34:50,793
Mind if I hang with you
for a bit, bro?
604
00:34:50,794 --> 00:34:53,193
No problemo.
605
00:34:53,194 --> 00:34:54,233
Yeah.
606
00:34:54,234 --> 00:34:57,753
So... dick-drawing on a fellow
housemate - was that cool?
607
00:34:57,754 --> 00:35:01,673
Pen cocks are going to happen, mate.
It's just part of living together.
608
00:35:01,674 --> 00:35:03,153
I guess.
609
00:35:03,154 --> 00:35:06,153
So, look, there was something I...
610
00:35:06,154 --> 00:35:08,073
So, what do you reckon?
611
00:35:08,074 --> 00:35:10,593
About the house?
612
00:35:10,594 --> 00:35:12,793
Our harem?
613
00:35:12,794 --> 00:35:15,193
The quim in which we swim.
614
00:35:15,194 --> 00:35:18,113
Do you want to, maybe, draw up
some spheres of influence?
615
00:35:18,114 --> 00:35:21,833
JP, there was something I wanted to
talk to you about. It's difficult...
616
00:35:21,834 --> 00:35:23,033
Can I have Oregon?
617
00:35:23,034 --> 00:35:24,353
What?
618
00:35:24,354 --> 00:35:26,353
Er, yeah. I mean, no.
619
00:35:26,354 --> 00:35:28,553
I mean, isn't that up to her?
620
00:35:28,554 --> 00:35:32,073
Yeah, I guess we should toss
for first pick. You can have Vod.
621
00:35:32,074 --> 00:35:35,313
Look, what I wanted to say was...
about you living here...
622
00:35:35,314 --> 00:35:39,153
As it turns out,
there are a few complications.
623
00:35:39,154 --> 00:35:40,793
Yeah?
624
00:35:40,794 --> 00:35:42,313
Yeah,
625
00:35:42,314 --> 00:35:45,153
um, the thing is...
626
00:35:45,154 --> 00:35:48,593
my brother, who's...
627
00:35:48,594 --> 00:35:50,153
unfortunately,
628
00:35:50,154 --> 00:35:54,153
he's not right, in the... nut.
629
00:35:54,354 --> 00:35:56,873
And he wants to come here
630
00:35:56,874 --> 00:36:00,873
to study Psychology in the hope that
that might improve his situation.
631
00:36:00,914 --> 00:36:03,513
Obviously, there's only room
for seven...
632
00:36:03,514 --> 00:36:05,113
You trying to dump me again?
633
00:36:05,114 --> 00:36:06,593
No. Not at all.
634
00:36:06,594 --> 00:36:07,793
It's just...
635
00:36:07,794 --> 00:36:11,593
mightn't you be happier in...
636
00:36:11,594 --> 00:36:14,873
We're Hufflepuff, here. Wouldn't you
be happier in Slytherin?
637
00:36:14,874 --> 00:36:17,433
I'm not a fucking witch, Kingsley!
638
00:36:17,434 --> 00:36:18,833
Do you want me to dick you?
639
00:36:18,834 --> 00:36:19,393
Don't dick me.
640
00:36:19,394 --> 00:36:20,873
Try to move me out, I'll dick you.
641
00:36:20,874 --> 00:36:24,673
It's just, we're not going to be
doing so many Flaming Ferraris
642
00:36:24,674 --> 00:36:27,313
or... wanking on biscuits
643
00:36:27,314 --> 00:36:31,313
or... Not that I'm saying
that's all you do, necessarily.
644
00:36:31,714 --> 00:36:34,713
Oh, I get it.
This has come from Josie, hasn't it?
645
00:36:34,714 --> 00:36:36,673
What? No. Why?
646
00:36:36,674 --> 00:36:40,273
Look, I'm not moving out
just cos we nailed one out.
647
00:36:40,274 --> 00:36:42,233
Excuse me?
648
00:36:42,234 --> 00:36:44,033
Yeah, I banged Josie.
649
00:36:44,034 --> 00:36:46,313
Knocked her off early.
650
00:36:46,314 --> 00:36:50,033
She was my sorbet.
651
00:36:50,034 --> 00:36:51,553
Your sorbet?
652
00:36:51,554 --> 00:36:54,353
She cleansed my palate.
653
00:36:54,354 --> 00:36:56,473
Yeah, we hooked up last night.
654
00:36:56,474 --> 00:36:59,513
She wants to keep it on the down low,
which is cool by me.
655
00:36:59,514 --> 00:37:03,433
Don't get me wrong, she's a good
starter lay, nice to get in the bank.
656
00:37:03,434 --> 00:37:07,433
But, really, I'm looking
for a better return on my...
657
00:37:07,714 --> 00:37:10,833
investment.
658
00:37:10,834 --> 00:37:12,753
The seed is gold, my friend.
659
00:37:12,754 --> 00:37:14,393
And the price of gold...
660
00:37:14,394 --> 00:37:16,033
goes up in a crisis!
661
00:37:16,034 --> 00:37:20,033
Later, potater.
662
00:37:55,714 --> 00:37:59,233
Hello?
663
00:37:59,234 --> 00:38:02,713
Hello.
664
00:38:02,714 --> 00:38:04,473
Er...
665
00:38:04,474 --> 00:38:06,713
did you forget?
Where were you, man?
666
00:38:06,714 --> 00:38:09,433
Yeah, the carb crawl.
667
00:38:09,434 --> 00:38:12,313
I thought you might be having
some protein instead...?
668
00:38:12,314 --> 00:38:14,433
Yeah?
669
00:38:14,434 --> 00:38:16,713
Yeah, like eating JP's
big dong again.
670
00:38:16,714 --> 00:38:17,993
What?
671
00:38:17,994 --> 00:38:21,113
I'm kidding, Josie.
672
00:38:21,114 --> 00:38:24,793
I'm joking. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah?
673
00:38:24,794 --> 00:38:26,673
Oh, right, yeah.
674
00:38:26,674 --> 00:38:30,673
That's really funny.
675
00:39:05,394 --> 00:39:06,953
Oh, yeah.
48428
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