Original subtitles

[music plays]

[thunder rumbling]

[bright music playing]

[upbeat drums playing]

[woman] What is there to say about dating that

hasn't been said by every comedian and every self-help book?

[man] It takes a lot of dedication, a lot of work, a lot of sacrifice.

But it's worth it.

Oh. Oh, that is such a good drink.

Oh. It's cute.

[man] I have three cats,

and I named them after my sisters.

[man] Go down 60ft and there's, like, 12ft bull sharks.

Are you married?

I, I got married, but-

but that was a while ago.

Flushing is a waste of water. It’s a waste.

So if it's yellow,

keep it mellow.

It has a great aroma.

It has legs.

The body...

Um, sorry. What was I saying?

Most guys, they like the scotches and the whiskeys.

I own this. This is me.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit this one, but,

if it's brown, keep it around.

It does smell a little bit, I mean, but you get used to it.

And she wants me to spin the chair.

And if I don't spin the chair, she just meows endlessly.

It's the most amazing thing you've ever seen.

You sure you don't want one?

I guess you’d say it's a sign of accomplishment.

And they all love their daddy.

[woman] I did have love once.

Can I find love again?

[music plays]

[keyboard clicking]

[man] I am so sorry.

[woman] Oh, um. Guess I shouldn't have laid

all that out there in the first ten minutes of knowing, you.

No, no, we have to talk about the past eventually.

Cancer, it’s...

it’s the worst.

Yeah.

But now your husband's an angel!

Oh. Uh, well, I have never thought of it that way.

- [Maureen] That's a nice sentiment. Thank you. - Thank you.

Would you mind if I say grace?

Over the pastries?

Well, technically it is a meal.

- Oh, sure. Go for it. - Now...

Dear Lord, thank you for this food

lovingly prepared by this- this incredible young person.

Amen!

And bless our time together on this date,

And, Lord, thank you for bringing Maureen into my life.

No matter how powerful the dating app algorithms get,

You are still in charge.

Let this date be fruitful, no matter

if it brings romance, friendship,

or Bible study.

- Amen? - Amen.

- Amen!

Sometimes I just get into the zone.

- The prayer zone. - Yeah, right?

- Oh, that was a good one. You covered all the bases. - Oh, good.

Yeah.

So you're probably wondering why I got divorced.

I mean, eventually.

Oh, is that a first date topic?

Well, uh, we're not getting any younger.

We should put all our cards on the table.

Open up all that baggage.

[Maureen laughs]

Well, I guess I did already start to unpack.

I do have one more piece it’s a smaller bag.

Like a purse.

Oh, yeah, purse size.

I haven't been on a date in quite a while.

Like how long?

Well, John died ten years ago.

Focused on work and the kids.

Woke up one morning to an empty nest.

So I went to therapy, and...

I was finally ready to grieve.

You know, like, my heart is ready.

So you haven't been on a date in ten years?

Longer than that if you don't count marriage dates.

Well, I’m flattered.

And I'll try not to screw it up.

You're not screwing it up.

Yum.

[woman] I try to go every Sunday.

[man] There’s trying and there’s doing.

I think you might have missed your calling as a priest.

I mean, you seem more interested in church than dating.

I don't know if I should kiss you or confess.

It just takes a while to warm up.

But I don't go three weeks without another date.

Us Catholics got to stick together.

Yeah, I didn't even know there was an app for us till I got back out there.

So specific.

You're not on any others?

Apps? Sort of, you know.

Wait, so you don't have any other dates lined up?

I have some text threads that have gone stale.

So are you saying

that I'm also your first second date?

I guess I am.

Oh, lucky me.

Lucky you.

[alarm clock beeping]

[upbeat music plays]

[metal chimes]

There you go.

- Why, thank you. - Why, you're welcome.

[man] Hold on.

[woman] Woohoo!

I can't wait to see the look on Maureen's face when she sees us!

She'll be more shocked than a dingo at a dog show!

Oh, you know what? Quick, hide that van down the block.

I want this to be a proper ambush.

Hurry up!

[car engine]

[man] Oh, gosh.

I ate too much.

- [Maureen] No, it's just- - La la la la!

- Oh, okay!

- Come on. What do you think this is? - Such a gentleman, my goodness!

- Of course! - Chivalry is not dead.

- Never.

[Maureen] Oh, that was delicious.

[man] Delicious.

Oh, thank you again for an amazing night.

Yeah, well, that's the move on a third date.

Oh, noted. Third dates have a super romantic dinner.

What happens on a fourth date?

Oh, gosh, that's a good question.

Come on. You're the expert.

Oh, I am. Well, then I will have to think of something really cool.

Okay. Fourth dates are really cool. Got it.

[knocking on window]

Aah! Oh my gosh.

I'm sorry. Was the kiss that bad?

No, no. Apparently my old friend and her husband are in from Australia.

You two make a gorgeous couple!

[Maureen] I'm so sorry.

No, are you kidding? That’s hilarious.

Do you want to come in and meet them?

Meeting the friends is best after our fifth date.

Ahh, okay.

So maybe you’ll meet them soon.

Let's take one date at a time.

You're now free to talk about me behind my back!

Daaaaahh!

[Amber] Surprise!

Oh, so glad you guys made it!

How long are you here for?

Soaking in her motherland for about half a year.

We were both able to take sabbaticals from work, visiting family,

friends, and, oh, wouldn't believe the spiritual retreats, Maureen.

We got a camper van, and thought we'd turn your cabana

into home base for our SoCal adventure.

- Hope you don't mind. - Are you kidding? Of course.

Now, can we please talk about the handsome bloke on your front steps?

Yes, it is so good to see you finally getting back out there.

Well, that was my first real kiss in a decade.

- And? - I’m rusty.

- [Jen] Mom? - I'm in here, hon.

- Hi. - Hi. What's with the camper van outside?

Some old friends are in town.

I got your favorite bagel.

Oh, I can't stay.

Oh, I must have misread the text, and...

Sorry.

It's fine.

So you're dating?

That's great.

What's the difference between dating

and going on dates?

I think it's exclusivity.

Well, I just wanted to give you a heads up.

You know, before you guys meet him.

So it's serious.

Well, we haven't talked about meeting each other's kids yet, but,

I feel it coming.

How many dates has it been?

Three. And they've all been great.

- That's good. That's great. - Yeah?

I want you to find someone.

Thanks, honey.

If you're happy, we're happy.

But, I just want to make sure that nothi--

Oh my goodness!

Which one is this, all grown up?

This is Jen. Jen, my oldest friend Amber and her husband, Matt.

Look at you.

I used to sing folk songs to you when you were just a little itty bitty bean.

There is so much to unpack there.

Well, lovely to meet you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, right.

Well, we're off to Joshua Tree.

I'll see y’all in a few days. Buh-bye!

Just be careful.

Okay.

Take things slow.

Yes, dear.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Be safe and text me when you get there, please?

Ok.

Wee is fantastic fertilizer.

Just got to water it down a bit.

You know what? We should probably have to hydrate more, Matt.

I don't know, I mean, I think I'm being careful, I dunno.

I think you are enjoying the win, hon. That's what I think.

You've been in the saddle a month, and you already managed to find a nice guy

- with good hair. - He’s got great hair.

Are there any red flags, though?

He does like to bless every single meal.

- Every meal? - Every meal.

What about leftovers?

- Oh, probably. - Is he like

Lord is me coming to you with this reheated Pad Thai.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Amen. - Amen, sister.

Girl, listen, here's to your first kiss in a decade.

- Yeah. - Yeah. You know.

Oh, boy.

Do you-- I mean, do you even like this guy though?

I guess so.

Yeah I...

I know what a really bad relationship looks like because my ex-husband

and I know what a great relationship looks like

thanks to John and...

I don't know, I think I'm ready for

just a nice guy

who may pray too much in public.

Okay. But.

Okay, here's a real question for you.

Are you trying to date or are you trying to find the next love of your life?

Well, I--

I want what you and Jake have.

I want that. You guys met through a mutual friend, and then it was really simple.

I want simple.

And Craig seems, you know, simple.

But don't forget, Jake and I met decades ago.

Trying to find a guy today is, like, a whole different can of enchiladas.

Yeah, see? Cause see, for you

three dates in two months with one guy. That is not dating.

That's why it's called a dating pool.

It's called that for a reason.

Because you have to put your little floaties on and

splish, splash around and swim and go meet people.

That's it. That's it.

You know, I think I like being in the jacuzzi

with just one other person, though.

That's kind of my vibe.

Yeah, okay. And you're doing it again.

As usual. Turning the metaphor around on me.

Yes. Yeah, but does this guy think he's in the jacuzzi,

or does he think he's in the pool?

Think about it. I’ll wait.

- Yeah. You owe me a touché. - Oh we'll see. I don’t know. - I'll get one.

Cause if it happened once It'll happen again

happen again

[music continues]

[music fades]

Sorry.

- Sorry I'm late. - It's okay.

You ordered already?

It's all right.

[man] Hey. Can I... Lemme think...

Could, um... can I just get a coffee? A coffee, thanks.

I wish you would had let me get your coffee.

Oh, is that a fourth date rule?

Just... it's really intimidating.

You were seven minutes late. I ordered a coffee. How is that intimidating?

It's just this Type-A resume.

You’re a high powered attorney, you run marathons, all while raising four kids.

Aren't we supposed to share information about each other's lives?

I wasn't trying to brag.

It's our fourth date in two months.

Thank you.

You're not seeing any other people.

And you are.

We're in a dating pool.

Yes. Of course.

- I think it's stupid. - What?

Pools are stupid.

The actual pool or the metaphor?

Seeing more than one person at the same time is like

having a full time job with no health benefits and terrible hours.

You’re not wrong there.

I'm nice to just meet someone, you know, maybe go on a ski trip,

Costa Rica, meet each other's kids,

wander through a flower field, not having to wonder

are they still texting Tanya from Bumble.

That's what I mean, intimidating.

You’re coming at our time like you're in a marathon, but with no training.

Okay, I don't know what metaphor we’re in anymore.

I'm saying

that you're not ready for this,

What, this-- you and me?

Have you kissed someone else?

Oh, you're definitely not ready for this.

I'm just trying to have a fourth date.

This doesn't have to be a date.

You're the one that sent all the X's and O's in text.

Okay. Three hugs, three kisses.

That's so many!

It's just texting, Maureen.

What is this?

I wanted to see you again.

But we're going slow.

We may end up friends.

Oh, God.

I have friends.

This feels like a break up.

We're not exclusive.

We technically don't have to do that.

I realize that now. Thanks.

You know, I'm going to go, um...

train for a marathon.

Maureen...

[keyboard clicking]

Why am I crying?

Hey...

I saw that your car wasn't moving, so I had to put your latte in a to-go cup

- and warm it up for you. - Thanks.

Just so you know, I'm not crying about us.

I have, like, a lot of other stuff going on.

Yeah.

- You want to talk about it? - No.

- We can pray on it. - Holy crap, no! No...

Please just go.

- Yeah, okay. - Thanks.

[dramatic music playing]

I tried, John.

I really did. I got myself out there and...

got my butt kicked.

There's all these rules, and

they all suck.

If we get to do this in another life,

I'll take the cancer,

you take the dating scene.

Okay?

Listen,

I don't want you to be disappointed, but I don't think

I'm gonna be getting back out there.

Just let me be alone, okay?

I miss you.

[gentle music plays]

[frying pan sizzling]

Hey. Oh, I missed you.

Joshua Tree was spectacular!

It was gorgeous.

You can taste the spiritual energy there.

It's like Sedona.

Tell me, how our hot mama is doing on the dating scene?

And don't you dare leave anything out.

I want all the scandalous details.

Yeah, my dating chapter is closed.

- He didn't work out. - What?

No no no no no no no no no.

You need to get back out there, Maureen.

I'm fine. Really.

Oh, crap.

Obviously, you are not fine.

Look at this.

I'm okay, I promise.

You know what your problem is?

You just fall too hard, too fast.

You need to play the entire field, see what's out there.

Yeah, she's right.

You are fit as a fiddle.

You're smashing it at work.

You're basically the top 1%-er of your age bracket.

That's right. Men should be lining up around the block.

Oh, that sounds gross and exhausting.

Oh, come on, are you really going to let some so-so guy

- rewrite your entire romantic story? - Yes.

You should be saying hell no.

You remember our friend Jillian?

She's practically our age.

She's on all the dating sites.

She says it's just a numbers game.

I don't like games.

Then don't call it that.

Think of it as test-driving a few blokes before you

pick one to take home.

That's right.

Look, these men, they're just trying to be out on Team Maureen,

Too right.

The vibes will shift.

- I don't know what that means. - Well,

if you’re going on heaps of first dates,

you start giving off a whole different energy.

A bit more breezy, less desperado.

What are the kids calling it?

A less than thirsty vibe.

Exactly.

You're just sussing ‘em out.

Yeah, I guess I was a little too thirsty with good bye coffee.

Oh, that's what I'm calling him.

Oh, look, if you're not ready to get back out there, then don't.

But you said you were ready the last time we talked,

and I think you really, really want this, Maureen.

You know what? Turn around.

- I want to see your butt. - No.

Turn around! Come on!

Matt, cover your eyes.

Damn girl, that butt needs to be on the dating scene.

Amber!

Oi! Don't deprive the men of SoCal that marathon runnner bum.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

I will get back out there, but I'm doing it my way.

Oh, that's the spirit!

Oh, I love you, Maureen.

[upbeat music plays]

- Okay, ready for this? - Yes.

Okay. There's three categories.

Yellow is, uh, bar dates.

These are hotties, and the banter has been awesome in the DMs.

- Okay. - So, that means an evening drink.

If it's really good, maybe it leads to dinner,

or maybe, I fake a dental emergency.

- Okay. Sounds good! - Category two! - Okay.

The coffee date. These are my...

maybe men. You know, uh, texting not that much,

their pictures are meh or kind of blurry.

Oh. And you’re booking some of these back-to-back?

Oh, yes. Efficiency is key.

And some of them don't even deserve caffeine, which takes me to a category three.

The hiking date.

These guys are pretty iffy.

So, even if the date’s a total bust, at least they get my steps in.

Okay, and when you say iffy, like, what does that mean?

Oh, I cannot overstate how many men are posting pictures of themselves in speedos.

- Oh, uh-uh girl. Why? - I do not know.

I do not want to ask, but I'll give them a chance and a hike.

Ladies?

Guess who found a vintage kimono at a thrift store

and met a man

named Ernesto who plays the bongos with his feet?

Oh, God. She's back.

Tell me, what am I missing? Another intervention?

I can cry if needed.

Dating strategy.

An experiment.

Ooh, I love it.

Oh, so it's like The Bachelor, but with senior citizens?

Plan accordingly for the dinner specials girls. They usually end at 4 P.M.

Excuse me. Oh, okay.

Hey, what is a good response to a Pulp Fiction reference?

Um, how about “Quit it, Tarantino.”

Girl, those are fighting words.

I just-- I don't want to offend him before we first meet.

When in doubt: Thumbs Up Emoji.

Bold move. Very, very Switzerland.

All right. This seems really intense.

Well, I tried the monogamous dating with Goodbye Coffee

and he made me feel like an idiot.

So, I'm diving in the deep end.

See, you are in the dating pool.

- I told you! I knew it. - You got your touché, my friend okay?

Yes I am, you know, saying yes to whatever swims or floats by.

Okay, but things are really gonna get messy then.

I'm saying yes, and I'm holding my halo.

Hell to the yeah, my angel.

Put it up there. I love this for you.

I just don't want the rumor mill to start back up.

I mean, you guys remember what happened

when I first started dating John after my divorce?

Yeah, but those people were total idiots, too.

They were idiots.

You found your love before and your happiness,

and you're gonna find that again.

Okay. Now, please remind me exactly how many dates are you aiming for in this

little experiment of yours?

60 dates

in six months.

[jazzy music]

Yeah, those pictures were taken a few years ago.

Hi...

Hi, it's very nice to meet you.

It's, um... it's muscle fat.

I have no idea what that is.

I got a great pad up on Dana Point.

- Oh, nice. - View of the ocean.

Open floor plan, mood lighting,

surround sound.

It has its own entrance,

so it won't disturb my mother.

Okay,

okay.

Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I'm wrong! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh. So delicious.

I told you, it's my usual spot for a reason.

I used to bring my kids here all the time.

It's a great second date.

Yeah, it is.

Have you had this roll by any chance?

Oh, no. Not yet.

Oh, well, allow me then.

Oh, thank you.

[shrieking] Stop!

Doin okay?

Sorry, I can't walk

and talk at the same time right now.

Okay.

Hey, hey, should we call it a day?

Oh, no, no, no, it's just...

just give me a second if you... would please.

Oh, actually, my son's calling. Do you mind if I take it?

Oh, go for it. Yeah.

Hey, Kev! How are you doing? Yeah?

How are your classes going? Ah.

Well, yeah, you better. Uh huh.

Oh... hold on a second.

Holy guacamole...

I got to call you back, sweetheart.

So you're telling me you walk into your hotel room

and there's an Elvis impersonator in there? Doing...

They had double booked it.

They were hosting an Elvis convention at the same time as my dental convention.

I opened that door and he was

in mid-hip trust.

A one for the money

It's not very good. Yeah.

I'm having a really nice time.

Me too.

You know, I didn't want to come right out and tell you this, but

I come from a long line of dentists.

- Really? - Not kidding.

Few uncles. My grandfather. Having a cavity was our scarlet letter.

So what made you rebel and become a lawyer?

We have those in our family, too.

I don't know, I guess I just thought legal briefs was better

than, you know, digging around people's mouths.

No offense.

Fair enough.

It's getting late.

Maybe a full dinner next time.

We could set it up using our actual phone numbers?

I would like that.

Okay. What's your last name?

Last name is Blowskie.

- Oh, with an i - e. - Okay. Got it. Got it. Okay.

Ooo, drum roll.

Doing it in my head. Okay.

And, you know, I don't want to look you just go ahead and give it to me straight.

Okay. Hold on.

- Do you want the bad news, or do you want the good news first? - Oh, bad.

What can I see here? Okay.

Your handsome dentist: he is actually not a practicing dentist.

He had to close all three of his locations.

Okay, well, that happens sometimes.

No, ma'am. See, that was actually the good news.

- Let me show you. - What? - Look, right here.

- Oh... - Look at right there.

Closed for ethics violations? What the...

Probably doing something crazy, like selling nitrous oxide out of the trunk of his Tesla.

- That’s crazy... - Well, better cancel my cleaning.

- Oh, you should do that. - Oh... he was so handsome...

- I know, I know, I know, I know.

This is my living room.

This is my office.

Nice touch.

You know, this is really fun.

Showing off my house for a second date.

- The house has good bones. - Ah, totally.

And who doesn’t love... good bones?

Family room.

Can I see your back garden?

I would love to show it to you.

- Hi. - Oh, is it hot out here or

is it just me? I'm just kidding.

- Oh - Not really. you know if--

I mean, when I get this promotion, it's gonna be a straight track, right to VP.

And after that, bam!

C-suite. Always leveling up, baby.

You know, just, leveling, leveling, leveling.

- Always leveling up. - Totally.

I'm like a shark, right?

You know I'm, like, swimming and swimming and swimming,

like - like the shark in Jaws - he’s swimming. He's swimming.

He eats Chrissie. He eats that little Kintner boy. Jumps in the boat, eats Quint. Bam!

- He is swimming though. When he stops swimming, he dies. - [Maureen] Terrifying.

Yeah, right? Yeah. But--

But let's just say this, you know, it doesn't work out.

- It's their loss. Their loss. It's always, always their loss. - Noted.

All I do then, call up my headhunter and say, “Hey, Daddy's back in the market.”

- Bam! - Please never say that again.

No, listen, you always got to bet on yourself, right? You get it.

I mean, you seem like a chick who just really gets it. You know what I mean?

Yeah, like-- like you got that...

- go-getter energy. Big time. - Huge.

Yeah, me? I honestly, I don't know how not to be a go-getter.

- I'm always moving and shaking and doing things like- - Rick!

- Yeah! - You're on time.

I try to be.

Wait wait wait. What the hell is this? Did you book back to backs?

Well, I'm a go-getter, as you noticed.

And, you went about 20 minutes over... Blame your TED Talk.

Yeah, but we we went 20 minutes over because we were vibing. We were grooving.

Yeah, well, name one question you asked me.

- Yeah, well, there was the... - Huh! - And the, um...

Go get em, tiger!

Lead the way.

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait.

I didn't even show you my abs yet.

What a view.

Thank you.

Beautiful. Really good upkeep.

Well, I definitely do a lot to stay in shape.

I mean,

the back is almost better than the front.

And I recently had it landscaped.

Yaddle was the same species as Yoda.

- Yaddle? - Yeah.

So Yaddle was a full Jedi master.

Okay? Really important person.

She helped to rewrite sections of the Jedi code, and then poof!

Gone by Attack of the Clones.

Total erasure.

That's unfortunate.

Yeah, see, that's exactly what I said.

So in the Tales of the Jedi series, they show you what happened. Okay?

And she went to confront Count Dooku,

and, spoiler alert he just kills her.

Right? Just kills her dead.

No heroic fight, no big sendoff, nothing.

Uh, gosh.

That's unfair.

Thank you! That's exactly what I say.

IMHO, that's in my humble opinion,

IMHO, I think that the Jedi Council

and the Jedi Order in general did her dirty.

Oh, well, I'm gonna use the ladies room and, rethink my whole existence, so.

Oh, you're being sarcastic.

Oh, you know,

I said I was a big fantasy nerd in my profile.

Why did you swipe right?

Because

you were one of the only guys without a picture of themselves

holding a fish.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Pastries?

I think we should just get right into it, don't you?

- Really? - Yes.

Let's talk numbers.

Numbers?

Well, I did some due diligence.

- Oh, before our date? - Yeah,

and I think that I can get you

30% above market value.

What?

We are talking $300 per square foot.

Wait. Is this still a date?

Well, speaking of date, I am confident that I can get this house sold

and closed in 30 days.

Yeah. You know where the front door is, so, um,

you can see yourself out.

Oh, she's coming.

- Would you like another one? - No, but thank you.

Maureen!

It's me.

- Mike! - Oh, I know.

You look... wow. You look amazing.

Thank you.

- Shall we? - We shall. - Let’s go.

I mean, some of them looked nothing like their pictures.

Zero. I was like, who are you?

- I would say probably more for me than that. - It’s the filters, right?

Those filters.

- Like the apps, the face exchange. - Yeah.

You see them in the picture, and then they show up

and it's like, okay, who are you?

Yeah.

I hate talking about it.

Oh, no. No, we're just commiserating.

We are.

There are some good ones, too, I mean.

- Yeah... - Eh.

I'm really having a good time.

Good.

Good.

Okay.

- Playing it cool. I can respect that. - Oh yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I did not play it cool at the beginning.

Yeah, well, my first attempt of getting out there,

I went out with a younger woman.

- Oh, yeah? How much younger? - Mid 30s.

Very beautiful.

Ooh, oh boy.

It was like when she said yes to the second date,

it was like me preparing for our wedding, you know, just--

just desperation oozing out of my body.

- And... she ghosted me. - Oh, I'm sorry.

I had a similar experience, but mine was... was he was too nice.

Yeah. It's like they’re pitying you.

Ugh, yeah. It's rough.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm just gonna lay my cards out on the table.

Oh, suspense.

I really want to see you again...

but I'm seeing other people.

Me, too.

And me too.

Okay, I guess we got all of our cards on the table.

Yeah, and they seem to be the same.

- Well... - Except for one. - Oh?

I think you're the total package.

- That's a pretty good compliment. -That’s a really good

compliment!

I'll be the judge of that.

[jazzy music]

Hey.

Hi...

This was a really good idea for a date.

Thanks.

Oh, the air is fresh. Our bodies are moving.

The blood is flowing.

Yeah.

Get a little sweaty.

Hope that's okay.

Oh, no. No, it's good. Sweat is good.

- I'm really into pheromones. - Oh, boy.

So nice to meet you.

Yeah.

So, where is your LBD?

My what?

LBD: little black dress?

- Oh. - That's usually what all the ladies wear on a first date.

- I'm gonna use the little girl's room. - Ok.

You have a really complex pheromone profile.

It's, um... it's warm and spicy and, I think there's definitely

some sandalwood in there.

Maybe some... cinnamon.

Yeah. Confirmed. That’s sandalwood.

Oh, I think our date is over

Mr. Scratch-n-Sniff.

[upbeat music plays]

I would take a trip

- across the country to see The Eagles. - Original lineup?

I'm not that old.

Well, who would you fly across country for?

Well, my daughter and I have this cute thing that we make

sure we go to every Taylor Swift tour.

Taylor Swift?

Oh, really?

What, is that not cool enough for you?

I don't know, it's just it's a little cliché. That’s all.

Well, she's considered one of the world's greatest songwriters.

I don't know. It's...

It's just these Swifties are just so silly.

You're a grown man, right?

Uh, yeah.

Huh. Okay, well, judging people for what they like,

especially teenage girls, is not the flex you think it is.

Well...

I mean, I had to call the guy out.

Lean, hair, CEO, that's the trifecta.

But not if he's a jerk.

Totally agree. Big red flag if he mocks my Swifties.

Shake it off, baby. Shake it off!

Yeah, I know the 60 day experiment isn't over yet

but guys, I'm coming to the end of my metaphorical rope.

But, Maureen, you know, this is a marathon. This is not a sprint.

I run marathons, and I'd rather do that with a rock in my shoe than spend time

with some of these guys.

- It can’t be all bad. - Oh, most of them are fine,

but if there's not a spark there, it's like eating dry toast,

functional but joyless.

Woah! Oh, hey hey hey hey.

I'm good, I'm good, I'm cool, girl, I'm fine.

- I'm fine. - She's good. She's good.

Dating’s like yoga.

You fall, you breathe, you try again.

- I wish someone would have told me that for Goodbye Coffee. - Who?

Oh, it's just a nickname we have for this really nice Catholic guy.

Well, maybe you could still be friends with Goodbye Coffee.

Well, we probably could’ve, except I used

all of our dates as my only means to my next relationship.

Well, isn't that what dates are for?

Well, that's what I thought. But now I'm just really good at dating.

We're not talking about a ring, Maureen.

We're talking about the in-between bits.

The crazy, delicious mess of just trying to figure this all out.

Girl, you make that sound magical and terrifying at the same time.

If it doesn't work out, you just gotta get back out there.

Even if your 60 dates aren’t up yet.

You can't run back to back marathons.

You need rest.

That's true.

But, you know if you're going to make it to the finish line, girl, you got to show up.

Way to use the metaphor against me.

[phone notification dings]

Oh. Oh, no. Let me see, let me see first.

Oh, girl.

Oh my God, does he have a younger brother for me?

[excited chatter]

Ladies! We're doing Warrior Three!

- Oh, okay. - Oh, right.

- Well, looks like that smile is a green flag for sure. - Oh yeah.

[man] So, did you guys even finish the sushi?

Oh, no. No, no, he ruined my favorite sushi spot. Hands down.

Well, listen, it was worth it.

It was worth the story.

Tough times.

[man] I've met you before, you know.

- [Maureen] What? - [man] Yeah. - [Maureen] Where?

- [man] Over at

what's it? Jon?

Drisk-- Drisken? - [Maureen] That's Peter.

Peter! Peter, yes. Yes.

From law school. He was one with the crazy, crazy parties.

Oh, yeah. See, I knew I seen you a couple of them.

That's wild.

- Thank God you missed my goatee phase. - Oh, no, I remember that.

Freaky goatee.

It's so crazy that we crossed paths like that.

You know, if you would have worn those yoga pants back we were in school

I would have never had a chance.

Come on, thanks.

No, no, you look great.

Better than a lot of 30 year olds.

Thank you, I think.

Well, I just

like to tell you what I see.

The compliments are coming in hot.

Yes. Sorry, sorry.

Yes, yes, they are coming in hot. I apologize.

No, I like it, actually. It's nice to meet someone who’s forward with me.

Well, I'll take that as my compliment.

On the way down

[music continues]

[music fades]

Dylan?

That's me.

- [Maureen] Hi. - Hey.

You're in your 50s?

You know what they say. 31 is the new 51.

Nobody says that

It doesn't even make sense.

Age is just a number.

Alright. Yeah. So, I'm going to a rave after this.

You're funny.

My mom would love you.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, I have to call you back.

- Hi. - Jen?

- What are you doing here? - Picking up takeout.

Oh my gosh, great. It's just-- it's right over there.

- So, I'll see you soon. Bye. - Randy!

Randy Evans, you were my freshman year RA!

- Uh, Jen right? - Yeah.

Oh my God, this is a date.

Mmm, my therapist is gonna love this one.

- Glad to be helping her therapist. - Oh that's funny.

Mm hmm. Yeah.

[Western showdown music]

Ayo,

look at that getup.

Marrón!

Oh. Thank you. I was feeling adventurous.

Oh, I bet.

I got to tell you. I, uh...

I love those boots.

I gotta say,

Yeah, they're my favorite.

Thanks for noticing.

Oh, yeah.

You know, the only other woman to pull off a snake on snake print was my mother.

God rest her soul, you know.

You mind if I touch em?

Oh!

Oh... that's, uh...

100%

South American Amazon boa constrictor.

And, sweetie,

you can, uh, keep these

boots on all night long.

No! No, don't do that!

What’s the matter? Was it something I said? I mean...

Bada-bing bada-boots!

She'll be back. Don’t worry.

Ay waiter, white wine for the lady!

Just powdering her nose...

[man] Nice and loose. How's that feel?

- Ooh. Oh, ok. - Loosen the grip.

- Loose, loose. - Loose.

- Okay. Ready? - Yeah.

- Let's try one.

- Ready? Go all the way through. - Okay.

- All right, How'd that feel?.

- Good? - Good.

Okay, let's try now...

Better?

- Got it. - Okay. C’mon, you're a natural.

- Oh, why thank you.

All right, let's try a couple.

[man]I think we're ready for a rally. What do you think? You ready for it?

- [man] You ready? All right. - [Maureen] Oh, we're gonna play?

- Yeah. All right.

- [Maureen] All right.

Ha ha ha!

Come on!

Great!

Oh, look at you!

You're a natural!

Oh! That was in!

- Out! That was out! - That was in!

- It was out.

- I demand a replay! - That was in.

It was totally out.

All right, I guess this is our first fight then, in our relationship?

Oh, is that what we're calling it?

I wish this was in a

better setting, cause I just wanted to tell you that,

I'm not scheduling any more dates.

Good.

That’s all you're gonna give me?

I’m really happy about that.

[upbeat music]

Okay, how about this one?

Wow, okay.

Are we really into an arthouse drama with subtitles?

I'll take that as a no.

Okay. Oh, what about that? Oh, boy.

I’ve heard good things.

It looks good, right?

But you know what?

It is a series. Are you ready for that level of commitment?

Well, if it takes me that long to learn about a cowboy's medical journey,

- I'm all in. - Yeehaw!

Let’s do this.

Whoa.

Fell asleep.

Oh, you want me to start it?

Forget that.

[music plays]

[music fades]

It was so good.

I don't want to hear about that.

- Well I do. - Relax.

Yeah. I am glad that somebody I know is getting on base.

Oh, yeah? Well, how about you and Jake? How are you doing?

We're okay. He's been working a lot, but when I get me a free weekend

Ooh, I am gonna get that engine revving up, and I'm gonna get that

“piston” firing again.

Ugh, I don't want to hear about pistons or bases.

It's gross.

So what about you?

How many date have you had with this Mike guy?

Six. Yeah.

I think I might reach my goal early.

You are a dating assassin.

What does that even mean?

Child, I don't even know,

but let your mama have this one so that I can live vicariously through her.

I want my mom to be happy.

Oh, there's a but comin!

Always with this generation.

Are you ladies proud of this banter?

You feel like you're on an episode of Sex and the City?

Ooh, Gen Z comin in hot.

Kindness attracts kindness.

Hey!

Yeah, your mother here she is a saint.

Who's holding her halo, right?

Isn't that your new motto?

I think I owe my daughter a touché.

Yeah, I'd say you do too. You are in touché debt.

I just-- I think you're in your villain era, and I don't know if I can support this.

Oh, give me a break.

Okay, Gen Z.

Elaborate a little bit.

- Well, fat shaming, for one. - Oh, no.

That guy admitted to not looking like his photos.

Goodbye Coffee wounded you,

and now you're, in best words, a dating assassin.

See, now it's like we're in a Marvel action film instead of Sex and the City.

This is a bad thing.

Okay, this “thing” has gotten me into the beginnings of a relationship, and...

oh gosh, he checks all my boxes.

So the ends justify the means?

Listen, kid,

you try swimming around in my dating pool, you would not survive a day.

Well, my generation wouldn't get in the water

- because your generation went ahead and ruined the water. - Hey!

Ladies. Okay, this metaphor is getting way too dark.

- Okay, let's come up. - Fine.

- Truce. - Truce.

- Truce.

Did you at least run a background check on this “beginnings of a relationship”?

Yeah, we looked around some, but we just couldn't find a whole lot.

Yeah, he's not on social media, which is a good thing.

Your generation is on social media more than us.

I would say this is suspect.

- Oh, Oh. - Oh, hey hey hey.

What's happening over here?

Oh, she won't want to see this.

No, I won't.

It’s just so nice.

Oh, my God, oh yum.

[upbeat music]

So you don't believe in soulmates?

I think that God can call us to more than one person,

depending on where we are in our life.

Why, is that what you're looking for?

Not anymore.

- But you are looking. - Oh, it doesn't hurt to look.

- Yeah.

Well, thank you for agreeing to go out again.

Oh, it was nice of you to check up on me.

There's something different about you.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

It's like you got your sea legs.

Oh, so the metaphor has changed from a pool to a boat.

Nice. Nice.

I'd like to do this again.

Well, I would, but I... I am dating a lot.

- Well, add me into the rotation. - Cause I got my sea legs.

Okay, I deserve that.

I am kind of seeing someone.

Oh.

And, uh, we're getting exclusive.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Now, now I understand what this is.

Revenge date?

Really?

I'm not even mad.

You have definitely gotten your sea legs.

I sure have.

[upbeat music plays]

I can't bring myself to separate the new

[music continues]

Yah!

[music fades]

[dramatic music plays]

[labored breathing]

[whimpers]

[louder whimpers]

All this darkness Around you

[dramatic music continues]

[struggling, grunting]

[loud grunting]

[grunting continues]

[music stops]

[female operator] 911. What's your emergency?

I fell.

I can't feel my legs.

Are you alone in the house?

Yeah, I mean, I'm still single.

Technically.

I mean, there's this one guy, but, you know, we'll see.

Oh, okay. I see you're calling from 3125 Aroya.

Yes.

They're a few minutes away.

I'm gonna stay with you on the line.

Um, these calls are recorded, right?

Yes, ma'am.

Even the part about me being single and dating this guy?

[chuckling] Yes.

You know, if my late husband were here,

he would, um, be laughing so hard right now, and then that would get me laughing.

It might be best not to laugh.

He had just the greatest laugh.

He'd just always defuse the tension.

I just really...

...just really miss his laugh.

He sounded like a good partner.

Oh, he was okay.

[knocking]

I see that they’ve arrived at your door.

I gotta go unlock the door.

They can break your door down.

Oh, no. No, no, please.

I really love that door...

[man] Paramedics!

Are you okay in there?

[knocking]

- Paramedics! - Don't break down that door!

I love that door! I’m coming.

[operator] Maureen, are you putting yourself in danger to open the door?

Oh, God.

Is everything okay?

Yep.

I’m almost there.

[knocking]

[Maureen] Crap.

[man] Paramedics!

[doorbell ringing]

I’m coming!

[man] Are you okay?

Aaah!

[keyboard clicking]

I can't believe this.

We've only been gone one week, and you practically go and get yourself killed.

- It's humiliating. - Oh, please.

That neck brace makes you look like a very glamorous car accident.

You should have seen the looks on the paramedics’ faces

when the door swung open to reveal... me.

Face down, ass up,

no pants.

That's embarrassing.

Nothing like flashing a bit of Southern Hemisphere to spice up a rescue.

Uh oh! Here comes judgment in an EV.

Be back in a tick.

Mom. The hospital said that they wanted to keep you a few more days.

I'm fine.

You have a fracture in your neck.

You could have ended up in a wheelchair or worse.

And yet... I rise!

Margarita emergency - who’s keen?

That is some medical advice I plan on taking.

Unlike you kids, I don't have time to day drink.

Some of us have to balance grad school... and a job.

Womp womp.

Take it easy? Please?

I'll try my best.

Toodles.

- It's time to drink! - Let's drink! Whoo!

Oh, yeah.

- Fill her up, baby. - Oh, yeah.

Yum yum yum.

All right, girl, spill.

Give us all the X-rated details.

Oh... really nothing X-rated to report.

- Yeah. - R-rated then?

Well, no. It's more like PG, little PG-13.

There's this one guy that sends me a picture of himself in a speedo every single day!

- Better show me. You better show me. - Let me pull this. Hold on.

I'm getting there.

- Here it is. Look. - Oh!

- Oh, that’s tragic!

Poor bloke thinks he's God's gift!

What about the sports car guy?

- Oh, Porsche Meister? - Let’s look at him.

That guy ghosted me. Thank God.

- Tryin way too hard. - Yeah.

- He looks like a total player. - Mmhm.

What about the guy with the yacht?

Oh. Yacht guy. Oh, boy. Okay.

- He invites me to Catalina Island, - Yeah?

then asks me to meet him there by ferry.

Oh, wait a minute. Why didn't he just take you on his own yacht?

Exactly. Turns out the yacht doesn't exist.

- This is all Photoshop. - What?

Catfished by Captain Photoshop.

Rough as guts.

How have you not given up on this?

Well, in between the weirdos and the ghosters,

there's been a few interesting folks.

“Interesting.”

That's code for a bloody trainwreck innit?

There is one guy.

- What? - Maureen! Burying the lead.

One guy is good. One guy is simple.

- Yeah. - Tell me, what's his name? I'm gonna look him up right now.

His name's Mike Dunlap, and he's not online.

Instant credibility.

Wait a minute. He's not even on LinkedIn?

- Give it a rest, babe. - Nope, nope, nope.

You're just gonna have to meet him the old fashioned way in person.

Sorry if that's too 20th century for you.

We were ace at that back in the 80s.

Well, here's to just one.

Here's to Maureen finding the love of her life.

Oh! Oh God!

Totally worth it!

Let me- let me help you with that.

Yeah?

Hey there, beautiful.

I wish I had your voice in my head all the time.

Doesn't go with the outfit.

I know, but you remember what the doctor said?

Just a few more weeks.

He hasn't seen me in it yet.

But if he's a keeper,

he just won't care.

He needs to pass this Best Friend test.

Well...

as your best friend, I just want you to be happy.

Thank you.

If you like him, I'll like him.

Unless he says something stupid about my Swifties,

and then all bets are off.

Yeah.

Are you sure you're gonna be okay?

I'm gonna be fine. I promise.

I'll see you out there, beautiful.

- This is Beth and Jake. Hi. - Hi.

Oh, it's actually happening,

and we're actually meeting. Finally!

That is a good handshake you got there.

- Woah. - Hey Mike.

Sorry about my wife here.

She's just been building this moment up in her head all day.

Yes, I have all day and I'm not ashamed of that.

Meeting the best friends is a bigger deal than meeting the parents.

Yes, see, he gets it.

- Ladies and gentlemen... - This is Amber.

- Sustenance has arrived.

She's visiting from Australia.

Well, you didn't have to come all that way just to meet me.

Ha ha ha. Oh, but I assure you, I did.

You know what?

You look really, really familiar.

Oh, yeah. He was at some of our old college parties.

College parties? Yes, of course. I do remember you.

- Okay. Yeah. You look a little familiar too. - Do I?

[Matt] Alright, what’s all this then?

- Oh. - Has the vetting begun?

- Matt, this is Mike.

- Hey. - G’day mate.

Welcome to the lion's den.

I hope you brought your A-game

and a thick skin. Beth here can smell fear.

Not wrong.

- Thanks, I think. - No worries.

We're-- We're all bark and just a bit of bite.

- Mostly alcohol fueled. - Shall we sit?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So Maureen introduced you to Matt, and poof, you're an Aussie.

25 years and still counting.

How did you know to take that leap?

You know, there was a kindness that Matt had.

Yeah, I thought it was my lamb roast.

Well, that certainly sealed the deal.

But I remember that knowing.

You know, my mother used to tell me that after a hard breakup

as long as you're true to yourself and your values,

that you'll know deep inside if this is really your person.

But that knowing...

can it change ?

Well, we all change.

Life throws curveballs, mate.

Our love has had to evolve with the lot of it.

No, that’s not what I mean.

What I’m asking is when--

when things...

"evolve"

- good word - is there any

second guessing of the original feelings?

Well, babe, I mean, when you know you have your person, right,

you hold onto it, even through the changes.

We're talking about feelings here, right?

We’re talkin feelings. Feelings change.

Well... maybe the “knowing” is... isn't just a feeling.

Maybe it's something deeper.

You know it's...

It's the whole bloody universe

shrinkin down to the size of an organic almond.

And then, Boom,

exploding in your gut like a--

like a warm Tim Tam slam of truth.

Y-- you just know, y’know?

Okay, Matt, maybe we won't be writing greeting cards after all.

I mean, how are two people

supposed to make it work for decades

without seasons

where they don't second guess that original “knowing.”

Jake. Um.

People change.

And feelings change and... just things change!

Oh, shit.

Okay, you need to get some water.

Please, just.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay.

Sorry.

Well, I like the word “knowing.”

You know, most of my divorced friends, they didn't have it.

You know what, Mike?

It's all coming back to me now.

What is?

Sally.

You dated Sally.

Your memory. It's unbelievable.

Yeah. We did. Yeah.

- That's right. You were engaged, right? - Briefly. Briefly.

But we didn't have the knowing.

I'll take that.

Thank you.

You know what, Matt? I'll be-- I'll be right back.

[dramatic music]

Maureen.

I need you.

Just for a sec.

What? Wha-- what is going on?

- Can you please put this on? - Amber...

I need to show you something

and I want you to have this on when I do. Trust me.

- Happy? - No.

I'm-- I'm so sorry, Maureen.

[dramatic music plays]

- I didn't make dessert. - You didn’t make dessert?

She said you made a dessert.

- Oh, you didn’t. - I didn’t. That's funny.

[Maureen] Michael Grey.

[Amber] I found you on Facebook.

It wasn't hard because we have, like, 50 friends in common.

I can explain.

Wait, explain?

You're married?

Oh, we'll go.

Oh, no, we're not going.

No, no, no. See, best friends,

we have to fight the assholes. I'm about to fight him right now.

Please go home.

Come on.

You know what? Screw you, Mike.

Amber and I will be in the camper pretending to be busy.

Hey. Come here.

- Hey. - Don’t!

Don't “hey” me.

You're right.

What is this?

I was gonna tell you.

Is that before or after your wife found out?

She knows.

We have an arrangement.

Open marriage?

We’re out. We’re looking and if we find someone,

you know.

No, I don't know. Keep saying words.

It's similar to what was happening with you

and your ex when you first met John.

No! No, it wasn't.

You knew everything about me

before we first met.

Yeah.

That's why I thought you would understand my situation.

You just heard rumors, and you chose to believe them.

I really want this to work.

We’re good together.

That's the same thing my ex said to me before he proposed.

I really am sorry.

I don't care.

Will you please leave?

Now my eyes are open And my will is strong

[sobbing]

[music continues]

[music fades]

My heart is tired, John.

I know you're proud of me for trying, but

everything is so stupid out there.

It’s stupid, and it's ridiculous.

I wish you were here, if only to laugh at it with me.

It's all so messy.

But, I know there's good guys out there.

I found you. But...

I'm done looking for one.

I wanted to tell you

I'm giving up.

No, this is for real. It's official.

I have delivered my letter of resignation

to the dating pool.

I love you.

I'll see you next week.

[music blasting in headphones]

Hey! Hey, you!

Hey! Kid!

You can't take those!

Hey, kid!

Hey! You can't take those!

Kid, hey, you can't take those! What are y-- aah!

Hey, you can't take those!

Kid! Y-

What are you doing? Don’t run!

Come on! Stop! Come on!

Give me my flowers!

[rock music plays]

Stop!

Can you stop running?

- Can you just... - Oh no. - I see you! I’m coming!

I’m gonna call your mother!

Dickhead. That’s right, you're cornered! Hey kid! Hey!

Ha ha haa!

You little punk!

[rock music continues]

Why did you take those?

Please don’t hurt me!

Ow ow ow ow! Ow ow.

Why did you take those?

- What are you talking about? - The flowers.

- What do you care? - They're for my husband...

Oh. I'm sorry.

I was trying to get flowers for this girl I really like.

Flowers are so expensive.

Don’t tell my Mom, please.

What happened?

What?

Why do you need to apologize?

I asked out her best friend.

My buddy Tyler said it would make her jealous.

It didn't.

It just made her hate me.

Dating sucks.

Ha ha ha ha ha. [snorts]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Are you okay?

No. No.

Oh, but I think I'm getting there.

Just keep the flowers, kid.

Really?

You're trying to do the right thing. That matters.

But don't let some dumb advice turn you into something you're not.

- Okay? - Do you think she'll forgive me?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But next time, you'll do better.

I don't know if I'll ever love someone else.

No, you will.

And you'll screw that up, too.

And survive it.

But also, don't listen to Tyler.

I mean he sounds like an idiot.

Yeah.

- He's never even kissed a girl before. - See?

Can you please help me up?

This hurts.

Thank you.

[Maureen] Ow! Oh!

Oh, man. Oh!

[Maureen] I am happy to report

that I quit the dating apps. I’m giving up on putting myself out there.

Instead, I just--

I just want to be present for what shows up.

[indistinct chattering]

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chattering]

[indistinct chattering]

[upbeat music playing]

No more forcing it with the numbers game.

I'm not saying that people can't find love on the apps.

I just don't think it's part of my path.

Well, maybe it was just all a part of your path.

Maybe it all got you to here.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

- Ah ah! Only the lighter thing, love. - My neck is better!

Well, let's keep it that way. Okay?

So are you guys gonna come back this way after the East Coast leg of your journey?

Of course.

Someone's got to check up on you.

You saw my emails, linking you guys up.

I just told you, I'm swearing off romance for now.

I know, but we reconnected with Charlie last week, and he is such a nice guy, Maureen.

Maybe he could just be a new friend.

No more new people.

Well, 59 is not a round number.

- I got close enough. - Hey,

you get yourself and that gorgeous butt out there, you hear me?

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you.

But Charlie is something special, and I got that nudge

you two should probably meet.

Just maybe he could be a new friend.

Just maybe.

Hey, Matt. What do you think?

Well, give it a crack.

Meet him.

Meet people. What else are we on this rock for, eh?

He's right.

You guys be safe. Have so much fun.

Yeah. Bye.

[upbeat music plays]

[Craig] Come on. Up the stairs.

[Maureen] Oh, you're gonna race me?

Oh! Ha ha ha! I win! I win! Whoo!

- Look at this. Whoo! - It’s beautiful.

I never grow tired of this view.

Thank you so much for meeting me.

Oh. Come on.

I'm honored. Number 60.

I, uh, want to apologize for my intentions the last time we met.

Apology accepted, but

I thought Revenge Date was pretty badass.

Oh, it was petty.

I don't think humans are meant to

be with so many people at once.

Yeah, it doesn't bring out our best.

At least not for me.

Oh, do you want to bless this before I hydrate?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You know why I start all my first days with a prayer?

Regardless if it's a four course meal or a croissant.

No, please enlighten me.

It's a litmus test.

If they're meant for me, it's going to be okay. If they're not

it's not meant to be.

I should have had a better litmus test.

Are you okay?

I... One of the last things that John said to me was that

I had to get back out there again, and it took me ten years,

but I-- I did it.

So I'm just going to come right out and ask you.

Would you be my friend?

Oh! Ha ha!

I mean, the past few months

have shown me that I really need more guy friends,

if you would be open to that.

Wow, uh.

No one's ever come right out and asked that before.

- It's intimidating. - Rrr!

I'd be honored.

Thank you.

- Oh. - What's that? Hey!

Oh! You bugger!

Come on!

[computer notification beeps]

[Charly] Hi, Maureen.

Nice to make your acquaintance.

I'm not sure why Amber wants us to meet,

but she's an old friend who always knows best.

Fair warning: I'm not looking for anything right now,

but I'm always up for making a new friend.

I'm around next week for coffee, if that works.

Look forward to connecting.

Charly.

[keyboard clicking]

[phone dings]

Aah! Oh! Aah!

[grunting]

You’re not saying anything worth hearing.

- That's why-- - It was nothing!

- Yeah, that's real good. That’s nice! - Hey!

Oh my God.

Maureen, what happened to you?

What? I-- I fell but it's not--

it's not that bad.

- You should go to the hospital. - Don't change the subject!

What subject?

Jake!

How does she know already?

Because I texted her, that’s why.

- This is an emergency. - What do you need?

- Well, you need a doctor now. Look at that. - No no, it's just a bruise.

I'm here for you.

No, this is what I'm talking about. You two are codependent!

I'm sorry. So you cheated because she spends time with her friends?

Okay. This woman is amazing.

And she is loyal.

That makes you an asshole, Jake.

She's been there for me through my darkest moments,

and there have been quite a few of those lately. So yeah.

I came as soon as I heard.

What do you need, babe?

I need to get you to the hospital.

Yeah, I do.

While Jake packs his things and moves out.

Beth... can--

Can we please talk this through?

We have nothing more to talk about.

Beth, I am sorry.

Yeah, so am I.

This whole thing just really, really sucks, man.

Come on. We got to go.

Beth!

[upbeat music plays]

[keyboard clicking]

You guys have been on quite the rollercoaster recently.

Thought it got easier when you got old.

Okay. The only thing that got easier for me is my ability to not take crap from idiots.

I guess it's something to look forward to, I guess.

So how about you? Any young men you care to talk about?

- Sure. Things are good. - Oh, really? Yeah? Fun.

I have a no idiots policy.

[Jen] Makes life a lot easier.

I think your generation just might turn out okay after all.

[phone notification dings]

- Oh boy. - Do tell.

Okay, that guy that Amber wants me to meet just asked if we’re

still on for coffee.

I thought you were done with dating.

This is not a date!

Okay, then what's the problem?

I don't want him to see me like this.

Even though it's not a date.

Well, I mean, a doctor told me

“take it easy,” right? so...

Coffee sounds easy to me.

First impressions, okay? They still matter.

Maureen. Come on.

Is it taking it easy or is it first impressions?

Okay, you two are ganging up on me, and I don't like it!

- I think you kinda like it. - Yes, cause tough love

that is your love language.

- That is not a love language. - It is if I say it is.

So you're really gonna overthink on something that isn’t a date?

I'm just gonna push a couple of weeks out,

we're gonna take a picture of this, send it to Amber, and be done talking about it.

No, Amber does not do anything lightly.

Excuse me. You met her for, like, two seconds.

She held me when I was a baby,

so technically, I've known her my whole life.

- That's right. Absolutely. - Okay. You too!

- Oh my goodness. Now, what? Jeez Louise. - What is going on?

- What is it? - Blowin up!

So I texted him that I have this terrible black eye,

and he says he's walking with a cane because of a skateboarding accident.

- Ew, how old is he? - Oh, relax, child. He’s my age.

But I'm not sure if he's your type. I mean, he's skateboarding?

It is not a date, so it doesn't matter.

So just go meet him.

Two injured old people having coffee.

Stop trying to make this a thing.

Do you want this in the face?

- I’m on your momma's side on that one. - All right, all right.

[music plays]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh hell yeah.

[keybaord clicking]

[music continues]

[Maureen] I got you! Aaah!

- 3, 2, 1, action. - Aah!

- She’s graceful. I love it like a gazelle!

Know I'm hungry.

Scene 43. Take one.

Are you okay?

- Are you okay? - I'm great.

- Hi. - Hey.

3, 2, 1, action!

Wait wait wait wait wait! I didn't even show your abs yet!

Ha ha ha ha!

The energy is transferring. It will eventually reach our groins.

Come on girls!

If it’s brown, keep it around.

The only woman

I ever seen wear that

and a snake print dress is my mother.

God rest her soul.

Now, listen, if you could cook a lasagna

I may be able to work something out tonight.

[indistinct]

Injured player down!

Oh my goodness!

Oh, wow. Yes. I'm glad that was in a cooler.

Love the dress.

Wanna buy me a drink?

[music fades]