Original subtitles

♪ K to the U to the R U to the P to the T ♪

♪ Kurupt family This one wicked and this one bad ♪

♪ This one going to your mum, to your dad ♪

You know what I mean, it's, like, you can spell things out.

You use your mouth predominantly.

[director] What are the hand things?

-Kurupt FM "K's", like. -Just throw your "K's" up.

Kurupt FM, innit? The rest are irrelevant, like.

-That's a slogan. -Don't need to say it's a slogan.

Just let them hear us saying it all the time, then they'll get it.

We used to say, "Kurupt FM, like it or lump it," basically.

But then I came up with one that rhymes, you know what I mean?

-Rolls off the tongue better. -Aerodynamic.

[drum and bass plays]

What is Kurupt FM?

Simple, it's an urban powerhouse slash radio station,

slash family unit.

The biggest and baddest pirate radio station in the land.

Aka Kurupt, like, best believe! 108.9 on your dial, yeah?

The phone line is copping off right now. We're going to 384, Isleworth Mercy.

We transmit throughout the whole of West London.

Obviously, once you get to Shepherd's Bush,

it gets a bit white noisy, but we've still a lot of fans down the Bush, White City.

I reckon there's a lot of people that drive closer to the transmitter

-in the car and maybe set up a recording. -Bring a picnic.

-Just show around, innit? -Yeah, show 'em round the manor.

You've got the blocks there and that.

You see here, we've got the garage, if you need Rizla any time of day, boss!

My philosophy in life, yeah, is just, like,

sort of, do whatever, basically.

It brings up a lot of problems, money issues and that, but...

-Better that way, innit? -Yeah.

[MC Gindah] Over there we've got the world famous Crack D's.

[DJ Beats] Cracka Demus and Pliers

[MC Grindah] Beautiful little burgers, actually, they do there, don't they?

[DJ Beats] And then, just up here, you've got the station.

No, don't show them the... No, it's not the station, we're just...

You're not meant to know where it all is and all that.

Maybe we shouldn't have taken them on a tour of Brentford.

Just don't fucking... Shh! It's, uh...

We're not actually... Just cos we're going round Brentford,

doesn't mean the station's in Brentford.

It's a little radio trick we call throwing them off the scent.

-We could be anywhere right now. We could be in Brent Lea. -Exactly.

-[director] Is this all illegal? -Cos it's illegal, mate. It's part of the beauty of it.

If you keep a secret location, you don't have do any moving around.

It's just like the dirty Babylon, the filth, do you know what I mean?

And the DTI that have to do all the running about, like, and never find us.

-Stop filming! -They don't know we're down here,

dropping the finest in UK garage and drum and bass, like.

Fucking amateurs!

Come on, mate. Keep it down, though. Hurry, Beats, I need a piss.

Just hold it down though, yeah. Literally, don't get the faces.

Here we are, boys! You can take that off now, yeah?

So...it's all right there.

-Welcome to Kurupt FM! -Welcome.

Mu casa su casa. Sorry about all the hoods and all that.

It's just something you have to do in pirate radio, secret location and all that.

We even took the number off the door, so we don't even know what number it is.

-Come through, come through. -Enter.

So this is the main studio area, yeah?

Got the main hub, yeah? Keeps everything going, this does.

Uh, you've got Steves over there.

Did a little morning clean-up and that.

Steves spruces up the studio for us. We let him keep any zoot ends or coins and that.

Steves. Steves, mate. Listen.

Clean your bedding, please, mate, cos we've got the BBC here.

Sorry.

Grindah's an MC. I don't know to describe it.

♪ Upon the mic inside the arena Bad boy, a bit of sensimilia ♪

♪ With the BBC crew inside the...every ya! ♪

Ah, freestyle, as well, mate. That is nuts!

Right, it's actually better with the music, so let's talk you through the equipment.

-So you've got the... -Right, this is your amp here.

-Amp... -Connected to the speakers.

Your transmitter here. Be careful with that.

-Two mics. -Never mind all that. Whack it on, show him how it's done.

-[scratching vinyl] -One, two! One, two!

Even better with the mic, innit? Mental, like.

Right, let's go. ♪ Who's ready? Who's ready? ♪

♪ Who's ready? Who's ready? Who's ready? Who's ready? ♪

♪ One, two, three, four, five Once I caught a fish alive ♪

♪ One, two, three, four, five Cos I came down with the garage vibe ♪

♪ My side, their side and you gotta side like inside ♪

♪ Get on the microphone ready to ride! ♪

I've been with Grindah for about six years now.

When we first got together, we used to do romantic things,

like, he'd buy me clothes and that, just...cos he didn't like what I wore.

[director] So how did you two meet?

It was actually really sweet. Like, it was in a car park.

I was just walking along and he shouted something at me from a van.

And, yeah, it just all went from there really.

[director] What was Miche like when you first met her?

Uh, she was beautiful when I first met her.

Mad to think, like.

But, yeah, I still like her and that, so...

[director] Has he ever been in trouble with the law?

He's been in trouble a few times, but always silly little things,

like dealing, GBH, hate crimes. You know, silly little things like that.

Nah, I think we've spent enough now.

[MC Grindah raps]

-Grindah! Grindah! Grindah! -What?!

-Someone's banging on the door. -Is it? Turn everything off.

Turn it off, turn it off. Shh! Steves, shut up.

[loud banging on door]

-Hello, mate. -How many times have I told you, bro?

-It's turning into a joke. -I'm sorry, mate.

I've asked you nicely, written letters, yeah?

-You lot are mugging me off now! -We're not, mate, please. I...

-Just turn it down! -I keep telling them. We've got problems with the volume thing.

-Just turn it down. -All right. I'm sorry.

That's what I'm trying to say, though. Cos if it was in the streets, yeah,

-it'd be a different story. -It would be the end of his story.

End of his story, that's right, cos I'd be like, bang!

He's on the floor, like, feeling dizzy, do you know what I mean, at the time and that.

But the thing is, yeah, when you do run an illegal radio station, yeah,

you cannot run the risk of DTI coming through, innit?

He's like, "I sent a letter." Letter. Who's in charge of post?

-Uh? -I just do recycling.

Me. I sometimes...

I just put them over here, though, cos...

I didn't think people would send us letters, cos of the door number and that.

"To whom it may concern."

He hasn't even spelt "who" right, for a start, like!

-Maa! "Your music's so loud." -[bleating]

Maa! "I've got kids that need to sleep.

And I need to get up early for work." [laughs] Maa!

"If you don't keep it down, I will be forced to involve the council." Right! Maa!

"If...you...do...keep it, then I'll be forced to involve the council."

Call the council, man, don't give a f...

No, we do give a fuck. Don't put that... No, cos the government

work for the council, then we're gonna have the government on our case.

-Oh, is it? -Oh, for f... That's all I need. That's all I need.

We cannot run the risk of the government booting our doors off, bruv.

-So what shall we do? -What shall we do?

If you weren't the one constantly turning it up, yeah, we wouldn't be in this mess.

-So you sort it out! Yeah? -Yeah.

I think when Grindah's at the station he has to be tough,

cos he's in charge, but when he's with me, he definitely has a more like softer side.

These are some pictures of him before he was famous.

This one's of him at a petting zoo, holding a rabbit.

It's like they're doing the same expression.

Actually, this one's a good one.

This was taken when I was pregnant.

But, obviously, we've both lost a bit of weight since then. Grindah went on Slimfast.

The concept behind it

was that we were in heaven, because that's what it felt like at that time.

But the clouds aren't actually there, that's just camera trickery.

What if we gave the neighbour a knock

and gave him some headphones or earplugs or took requests?

-Requests? -Yeah.

Right, you lot are a joke.

I've got to call Chabuds, mate, sort this out.

-Yeah, call Chabuds. -Chabsie!

My name's Chabuddy G, aka Chabuds, aka the Rig Doctor,

aka the Mayor of Hounslow. I'm not actually a doctor or a mayor.

But I can get you the certificates,

as part of a 36-month contract that you will not be able to get out of.

This is my internet café. Come through, come through.

And here she is, in all her wonder.

Chabuddy's Worldwide Internet Cabin Café.

That's Abdi. Bloody regular!

So come through here. I'll show you everything.

This is also my home, which I share with my lovely wife, Aldona!

Aldona, say hello, darling. We've got a camera crew here, look.

BBC and that, camera crew.

This is the bed where we do our "sleeping", if you can call it that, isn't it?

Actually, Aldona, can you give us a minute? See that?

She walked out instantly. Obedience, very sexy in a woman.

You see that? It's a mirror. [laughs]

I like to watch!

Chabud? He's one of them ultra-preneur characters, like.

He can, literally, get you anything.

Not drugs though, cos we get them from Decoy's uncle.

Can you... Can we start that again?

Don't put that bit in.

[Chabuds] That's probably 90 degrees, I'd say.

I don't have to do all of it. Just run it across there.

I'm just waiting for the echo. It actually indicates the densities.

Don't, don't, mate!

Just get down. Don't bang on the wall, mate.

As I thought, uh, no echo.

So...

Do you want it soundproofed today, boss?

We've got a set at 8:00pm, yeah, so we need it done before 8:00pm asap, innit?

-Yeah. -Cos the last time we missed a set,

-the London riots happened, didn't it? -Yeah. Well...

So it's not something you really want on your mind, is it, mate?

-I don't want that. -It's quite heavy.

What we're going to have to do, boss... This wall...

I'm going to have to rip it down.

We're looking at a full studio revamp here, boss.

Probably gonna cost you about a grand, I'd say.

I don't like the sound of that. Do not like the sound of that.

-Right, okay, if you wanted the cheaper option... -Which is?

Egg boxes.

[director] Have you ever soundproofed anything before?

I... [laughs] I tell you what, I was actually going to soundproof this place up,

because sometimes me and Aldona...

It's fucking loud, mate.

Screaming, crying. No crying. Screaming. Um...

Let me do some equations. So we've got the door there.

Obviously, carry that three. So the decibel sound is 70dB...

Power to the eight, Betamax...

You're looking about 200 boxes, I'd say.

What I'll do, I can do the technical part. I'll do the installation.

No problem. I'll need you fellas to get me the actual egg boxes themselves.

-Cos I need to get my tools. -So we're like the muscles of the operation?

-Yeah, yeah, course we can. -Okay.

So, um, what we talking for this then, Chabsie?

-We're just chatting, talking. -I'm talking damage. What's the collat, the collateral damage?

I assure you, they'll be no damage. I will clean up.

-No, mate, listen. How much is it gonna cost? -Oh, okay.

I have this shipment, okay, that I need to get rid of.

So how about, I help you with the soundproofing material,

you help me by playing a new advert for my product on Kurupt FM?

-You tickle me, I'll tickle you. -No, we don't do adverts on here. Sorry, mate.

We're strictly about the music. Tell us more money-wise, cash.

-50 big ones, I'd say. -50?

Oof! We can squeeze the advert in, can't we?

-You got it on cassette, yeah? -Always.

No danger, no danger, yeah.

-It ain't nothing weird, yeah? -No, no, not weird.

Dealy-oh! Sweet.

You know that bit of dust at the end of peanuts, yeah?

Basically, that's the best part. Everybody loves that bit, okay?

There was a manufacturing fault where all the bags were filled with nothing but peanut dust.

My uncle managed to get 3,000 boxes of it, yeah,

smuggled to the UK by smuggling himself inside a bloody crate.

Mental! He got deported, unfortunately,

but the boxes stayed with me. I call it Peanut Dust.

[Miche] It's a bit like doing Cribs, innit? So this is the bedroom.

Like, this is where, like, all the magic happens.

Got a hi-fi up there, so I can lie in bed listening to Kurupt.

It kinda keeps me and Grinds together, cos he works late nights and that kind of thing.

So I can lie in bed and listen to him and he'll feel like we're together.

Got the view, as you can see. There's Brentford out there.

It's amazing. When I'm in here and it's night time,

look out and see the lights, it's like being in Sex In The City or something like that.

[Grindah] Right, get as many egg boxes as you can, yeah?

Back here for seven o'clock. No fucking around!

Steves, take them, mate. You really need to wake up.

Basically, what you need to do is get the car, spin it round the back,

cos if you go round the front, the council might be there.

Come on, quick as you can. You gotta lay low, bruv.

I was gonna say, actually, we could lie on the backseats so they can't see us.

Good idea. I'll do that. You walk, create a diversion.

-Yeah? Steves, come on! -Steves.

-Come on, Steves! -Doing my zip.

-Come on! -Do I really have to walk?

See you boys in a bit.

I'm a born leader, yeah?

When I was in jail, I used to make Beats have to ring me before any decision was made.

[director] Have you been to prison?

Yeah, course I've been in prison. Banged out a two stretch.

-A two stretch? Is that...? -Two stretch, innit?

Ain't you seen films? Two stretch!

It's two weeks, innit?

You usually find, like, whatever you need in these bins.

I've found loads of stuff in here before.

Straight away, free range. It's nice, yeah.

Trick is to just keep your brain happy.

Cos pills release positive endolphins

that, basically, means that you're

never getting any negative side effects, like.

My brain thanks me, like. It says, like, "Thank you!"

Like... And it's got the same voice as me. It's quite weird.

Yes!

Sick!

Double box. Brilliant!

Exactly what we need. Right, I'm just going to take these all out.

Then I can... Oh!

Fuck sakes! What I mean about fucking eggs, like.

Fucking unpredictable. All over my Classics, as well.

Right, okay.

Just going to make a little wall of carrots to keep them in,

so they don't, like, roll off the fridge and smash all over the place.

-Hiya! -Don't come in the kitchen!

Oh, that's a nice welcome home, innit?

I'm doing work stuff.

What are you doing?

Look, Roche, I'm stressed out at the moment.

I don't want to mix up radio with pleasure.

-Business, pleasure don't mix. -Oh, so this is your business, is it?

Messing about smashing Craig's eggs while this lot film you?

Kevin's been living with us for a few months now.

Uh, I like having him around.

I did think it was going to be more like having a man in the house.

But it's not. It's more like having another kid.

Shall I say to Craig about the eggs?

I'm not going to. It's a right nightmare when he hasn't had his dippy eggs and soldiers.

Craig's quite mature for his age.

Apart from the tantrums. I don't know if you've heard. He can really kick off.

Like proper tantrums.

-[director] What's it like having a stepson? -It's hard work.

Cos he's actually a human, do you know what I mean?

He's got feelings and that. It's not like...

"Whey, there's my son!" Like. It's, like, I've got to care about him.

And if he's upset, I'm fuming.

Here he is. Little Craig.

So he's my son, stepson.

Same smoky eyes though, innit?

Oh, yeah. The T-shirt as well.

"Bringing sexy back". Likes a bit of Justin.

What's this, Craig? What you playing?

Looks like GoldenEye or something.

I'm more a Fifa '98 man myself.

Do you know what I mean? One of the best games ever made, I'd say.

Use the grenades!

Funny story, actually. Um...

I once had a lighter shaped like a grenade.

Yeah. Back in the day, yeah.

I'll see if I can fish it out for ya.

You might appreciate it.

You got any good lighters at the minute or...?

Mm.

All right, Craig, mate. I'll see you in a bit, yeah?

Double, bang!

A few little bits in there still.

Oh!

Ah, fuck!

All my stuff's fallen out of my pockets.

Skunk pocket's empty.

[siren wails in the distance]

-There's another one. -That's what I mean.

It's cool, man. It's just an ambulance, innit?

Well, they're gonna need an ambulance if it all kicks off.

-Who's gonna need an ambulance? -No one's gonna... Here she is!

Ah, my better half. Not better, but...

-I don't know why people say that, do you? -Do you need an ambulance?

-You all right? What's wrong? -I'm not ill. I'm fine.

Some little mugs are trying it, do you know what I mean?

Have to go through me first, so... She knows what I'm like.

Please don't get arrested again. You know what happened last time.

I couldn't watch any telly. I didn't know how to use it without you.

It was stuck on Dave the whole time. I missed everything.

Okay, listen, right. I'm not going anywhere, right?

-Yeah? -Yeah.

I've got radio to think about.

Oh, and her! Angel, here she is.

Look, look at her. Aaah!

You can talk and everything. I know what you're thinking, actually.

She's a little bit darker than I am, but that's because

my great-granddad on my mother's side was a quarter Cypriot,

so we've all got a sort of exotic twist, ain't we?

Yeah, yeah, and I used a lot of fake tan when I was pregnant,

so I think it filtered through.

-Side effects. -Yeah.

There she is.

-I'm just gonna go and get some egg boxes. -Yeah, cool.

Do that thing where you blow Mummy's head off.

[Chabuds] Looking for a really good adhesive.

Something really strong. I think gaffer tape will do the job, you know.

Probably go for that one.

This standard one. One times 48 mama. Oh, millimetres.

-[phone rings] -Hold on.

Oh, the old wifey.

Hello, sweetie pie. You missing me?

Huh? No, no, listen, they can't be outside.

They can't be outside, darling. No.

No, listen, they're going to get wet, baby. Sweet heart!

Just a little emergency at home. Should be fine, yeah.

Come on! Service! Come on!

You, tiny man child, serve me! Double time, man!

Say hello to Uncle Bobby!

Do you reckon we've got enough egg boxes?

-[whispers] I think it's working. -Is it?

-Should I say something, like? -Yes, say something!

Say it into this square here, yeah?

-Check, one, two, one, two. -I heard that. Did you?

-Of course I heard it. -Yeah, we definitely need more.

-How many we got so far? -About eight.

And one of 'em's flattened.

Fuck's sake! We've got an hour left as well, like.

Oh, no, no, no!

Not the Peanut Dust!

Aldona!

[they shout in Polish]

Stupid cow, man!

[phone rings] Hello, man.

-Yeah. -Hello, Chabsie.

-Yeah, just getting there, mate. -Turn the telly down.

-Have you got any extra egg boxes? -We're getting there, mate.

We need more egg boxes. Plus it's gonna take ages to stick 'em on the walls, innit?

Yeah, you know what? I've got some specialist adhesive material for you, mate.

More egg boxes. Listen...

Just grab whatever you've got and come down now.

There's no time, right?

[sound of tape sticking]

Fucking hell, that looks nuts.

-Is that soundproof, yeah? -It's proper, mate.

Yeah, good. I'm just getting an even distribution.

One, two, one, two.

One, two, one, two.

-Is this definitely gonna work? -Yeah, that now, boss, is fully soundproofed.

I went for the triple-A approach.

With just a layer of insulation dust in there as well.

Sweet! Let's hope it does work, for all our sakes,

cos, if not, Blue Foot are gonna be knocking the door of the hinges, like,

and we'll all be fucked, especially Beats when he's got to hand himself in.

-What?! -Well, one of us will have to.

-But you're the main one. -Exactly, the main one can't get caught.

This is me.

-It's all mine. -[director] So how far does Kurupt FM reach?

As far as the eye can see, mate. Yeah?

Actually, no, not on that side.

Just mainly on this estate and a little bit further.

Into Isleworth, but...

-Come on! Out the room. -Ready?

Obviously, edit all this bit out

and just get me bursting in the room, like.

This is literally what fucking radio is about.

Beats, run the riddim!

What? Run it now?

-When I say that, then do it! -All right, cool.

Beats, run that!

[music plays]

♪ Get out the way! Get out the way! Someone's getting got ♪

♪ Get out the way! Get out the way! Funky's getting shot ♪

♪ Get out the way! Get out the way! Someone's getting got ♪

♪ Get out the way! Get out the way! Funky's getting shot ♪

♪ Prick, Babylon, get out the way! Funky, pussyhole get out the way! ♪

♪ Babylon, get out the way! Galatasary, get out the way! ♪

[radio] ♪ Cameraman, get out the way! Funky, get out the way! ♪

♪ Paedos, get out the way! Spiders, get out the way! ♪

[director] Is Angel allowed to listen?

Yeah, yeah, we listen to it together.

-Don't we, Ange? -Yes.

I let her stay up late if it's one of daddy's sets.

But she doesn't really have bedtime cos she can't read the time yet.

But she seems to know when to go to sleep, cos she just does it. It's amazing.

Look at Chabuds. He's loving it. Yeah! Yeah!

♪ I'm the best. Nothing's gonna lyrically beat me down ♪

I was just saying, it's crazy cos my bit's coming up.

Take it down, take it down. Fuck it, just put his one on.

-Can I start with an intro? -Just... No, let me...

All to all the crew inside, yeah? We love each and every one of you.

This is a little word from MC Grindah,

with a little word from one of our...not sponsor but, like,

-someone that helped us and we owe them a favour. -Shall I put it on?

[Chabuds] ♪ Peanut Dust! Perfect for peckish ♪

♪ Peanut Dust! Perfect for your wife ♪

♪ Peanut Dust! Perfect for your daughters ♪

♪ Peanut Dust! Even if you're in a rush ♪

Peanut Dust! Coming in your family's mouth.

Peanut Dust may contain nuts and glass.

All right...

Sorry about that. There was, uh, crossed wires.

Some kind of sound waves clashed over somewhere from another punter there.

End of the day, like, yeah, all that matters

is that we're reaching our music out to the fans there.

Like, providing a service.

-Like priests. -Well, not priests.

They do it once a week. Kurupt FM is more like a full-time religious experience.

[MC Grindah raps]

Cos garage music is our god, like.

Well, I'd probably be the god if anything.

If you're god, does that make me Jesus?

-Yeah, if you want. -Sick! I'll just be, like,

floating above, man, just invisible.

Just making sure everything's all right, feeding them bare fish.

Feeding them garage, if anything. And I'd be above that,

just above everyone, even Jesus, just like, uh...

Thunder-bolting you, going, "Obey my command and play Wideboys next!"

♪ Monday is the day that we roll ♪

-♪ Tuesday We take total control -Wednesday ♪

-♪ Take back the track -Thursday! ♪

-♪ Sit back, relax -Friday! ♪

♪ Put down the M-I-C and go raving... ♪

-[loud banging on the door] -Fuck! Turn it down.

[loud banging on the door]

What the fuck! He said it was all sorted.

-Go and answer the door. -I can't. He knows you.

That's the problem. It's a trap! Everyone squat down!

Get down!

-[loud banging on the door] -I could turn out the lights.

-I don't want to go to jail. -Nor do I, mate. Fucking hell!

-[loud banging on the door] -Fuck's sake!

Fantasy, turn them off!