All language subtitles for Shameless (US) S07E05 Own Your Shit

Look, I have frank and Monica
as parents,

even I know how to show up
and turn on a fuckin' TV.

What the fuck happened to you?

First of the month.
Pony up.

Fiona's gonna kick me out
unless I can pull my weight.

Find husband.

- Where's Derek?
- You scared him.

He doesn't want to have a baby.

I've had a hell of a day.

We haven't really spoken
in weeks.

You're busy.
No time for me and my shit.

Military school
changed my life.

Fiona, I want to go
to military school.

You serious?

Svetlana's been going over

our bills and income
from the bar.

Our yield on gross revenues
are shit.

You know that the woman
who owns this place

dropped out of high school,

and now she owns,
like, half the south side?

♪ Rock music ♪

I'm packing, dummy.

Fuck, you brought
a gun in here?

No, I am trans man.

So you don't have a dick?

Tinder rocks...
Free sex anytime I want it,

no strings attached.

Welcome, new gallaghers.

Home sweet homeless shelter.

All in favor
of preserving the shelter?

One local hero
has decided to take a stand.

- Uh, who are you?
- Dylan oswald.

Your new boss.

You knew
that you were hooking me up

with a shady business?

Is it a crime
to rip people off

who are ripping
other people off?

♪ Rock music ♪

♪ think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ you were beaming
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ you were willing
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

Hey.

Hey.

Shit, what time is it?

It's still early.

Oh.

Um, sorry
for crashing overnight.

It's all good.

I got to jump in the shower
and get ready for work, though.

Oh, so should I wait?

Or, you know,
I could join you.

Everybody's gonna be up soon.

Better if you're not
still here.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, okay.

I don't like a lot of
casual guys hanging around.

It confuses Lucas.

Yeah.
No, I-I get that.

I'll see you
at the diner later?

Yeah, after my intern gig.

It's the first day back
after the feds busted us,

so I have no idea
what I'm walking into.

Sounds fun.

♪ Light rock music ♪

- What the hell?
- Mm, sugar...

Either I'm still high,
or we got company.

What're you doing
there, amigo?

- Checking the roof, pendejo.
- Oh, no.

Wait.

Wait.

Oh, god.

Are they throwing us
out again?

- Mr. Gallagher?
- No.

Maybe.

I'm Elena torres

from the make a nest nonprofit
on Troy street.

Your news coverage
has been making quite a stir

in the social-services
community.

It has?

We've got some good news
concerning your housing crisis.

You...you, uh...

Here.
Uh, Jesus.

Oh, come on, hey, hey.

G-Get a room, you two.

Uh, sit, sit.

I-I, uh...
Yeah, i-I'll stand.

- Yeah.
- Mr. Gallagher...

Perhaps you've heard
of Simon Epstein,

the real estate mogul?

The billionaire who got busted
emailing dick pics?

Mr. Epstein, um, is actually
a philanthropist

for the homeless.

After seeing you on the news,

he immediately contacted our
community-service organization.

- You're kicking us out?
- N-No, no, Mr. Gallagher.

Simon Epstein
purchased this house

for the south side homeless.

A billionaire
with a bleeding heart

and a big dick
bought this place for me?

Uh, he, uh...
He bought it for all of you.

And he's asked our organization
to manage the property.

We're getting calls
from corporate interests

who would like
to become sponsors.

Because of your commitment
to the homeless,

this is now public housing.

Mr. Epstein
will drop by later today

for a quick photo opportunity
with you and your family.

I own this place.

Uh, no.
Uh...

Not just you,
but, yes, it is off the market,

and we are thrilled
to be part of your cause,

and we would love to participate
in any way we can.

♪ Upbeat rock music ♪

Yes.

♪ Do somethin' crazy ♪

♪ okay ♪

Good vibes only.

♪ I'll just have to cave ♪

♪ i'ma fill my cup ♪

♪ got fireworks,
got booze ♪

♪ let's blow some shit up ♪

♪ tonight I'm goin' stupid ♪

♪ doin' things
I've never done ♪

♪ we all got
one thing in common ♪

♪ we just want to have fun ♪

♪ hey! ♪

So what you want to do?

♪ Do somethin' crazy ♪

Whew.

I may have broken
a tinder record

for how many places
to hit it in one room.

So, uh, take the El
or call an Uber?

Wow.
Okay.

Down to business, huh?

No offense, it's just
I'm running a business,

and I can't save chips
unless I'm working.

Oh, I get it...

Sex and back
to thinking money.

Just a little word of advice...

If you're really
a businesswoman,

you'd stack chips,
not save 'em.

What are you,
my financial consultant?

Marketplace consulting
international?

You mean you're actually
a financial consultant?

Let me know when you want to
book an investment consultation.

I'm just a swipe away.

Bye, Fiona.

Shit.

Uh-oh.

- What was that noise?
- I think it was the sound

of the washer dyin'.

Fiona broke it.

I got to get some loads in

before I have to go to work.

- Ugh.
- Just call v.

You can use her washer.

No v.

What's wrong with v?

I guess we're on the outs.

We got into it pretty bad
about me not being there for her

and her not
givin' a shit about me,

and we haven't spoken since.

Don't start the wash.

I need to throw in
one of my shirts.

- Can't.
- Washer's broken.

What am I supposed to do about
my military-school interview?

I can't go on there smelling
like one of frank's homeless.

You're still
going through with that?

Don't they check your gpa
for military school?

Dom's dad wrote me
a killer recommendation.

Who died?

Another appliance.

Oh, shit,
the washing machine?

Yeah, it's the one
fucking Jimmy bought for us.

I should've known
it would never last.

I guess you're gonna have to
date another shithead con artist

to replace it for us, huh?

Somebody has to call
to get this fixed,

and it's not going to be me.

What am I supposed to do
about my shirt?

Oh, uh, there's such a thing
as a sink.

Oh, flintstones living
up in here?

Yo, where's debs?

I think she's avoidin' me

'cause she doesn't have
her portion

of the monthly utilities.

You are being
kind of cunty about it.

Yeah, she really thinks
you're gonna kick her out.

Maybe you want to set
her straight?

Who says that I'm not?

Somebody drop Liam at day care.
I got to hit the laundromat.

Yeah, I'll take him.

Come on, bud.

- Go, go, go, go, go.
- Straight cavemen.

How are the books
comin', Lana?

Ah, much better
with reduced overhead.

Now we just have
to collect running tabs

from regulars who don't pay.

Come on, fist bumps, kid.
Fist bumps.

Mommy, mommy, and daddy
are makin' money.

Ha, breaking even.

We are getting
out of tax debt.

Can we claim each other's kids
on our tax returns?

We're married.

We got tax returns?

We can claim as dependents,

but we would have
to do adoption.

Whose kids are we adopting?

She and I would
adopt each others'

since we're married.

We would save money
on write-offs

and become legitimate family.

Wait, wait, wait.

So, v adopts yevgeny.

Svetlana adopts Amy and Gemma.
Where does that leave me?

That leaves you big, sexy man
in boxer shorts.

He either said,
"I burnt your breakfast,"

or, "I fucked up your eggs."

He said, "good morning."

Hey.

Fiona gone?

She knows
you're avoiding her.

Don't feel like being harassed
about the bills.

I still got two days
to pay up.

She's not really gonna
kick you out.

She just wants you
to make an effort.

She's a bitch.

My stuff will be on the street
in 48 hours.

I've got to find financial
security for me and Harry.

All right, well,
I'll loan you the money.

I get paid on Tuesday.

Hmm, yeah, $372?

You owe $372?

What, is that baby formula
made out of caviar or something?

It's cool.
I'll get the money.

I've got time.
I can handle it.

She's not gonna kick you out.

Hot water?

Thank god!

Don't got to clean my flaps
with disinfectant wipes no more.

Whoa.

Uh, whoa.

My family
and unbathed brethren,

we have won the first battle
for homeless dignity

by staking our claim.

We demanded our 40 acres
and a mule,

our three bedrooms
and a toilet,

and yours truly
has delivered it upon you.

- Thank you very much.
- Great job, frank!

But...but listen,

now...now that we got
the hot water turned on,

we want to make sure
that it stays on,

and let's keep food

and illicit substances
in our belly.

So I'm sending you out
in groups

to ply the most basic commerce
known to mankind...

Begging, okay?

You four, take the bodega.

You three,
uh, um, the dry cleaners.

You, sir, you look like you
could use a touch of grooming,

so let's send you
to the barbershop.

Okay, let's go.

Other people's money
waits for no man.

Go out there.

Give 'em homeless!
Yeah!

I don't understand
why you're not on board.

It's just the whole
lesbian-wedding thing again.

You and Svetlana are a thing,
and I'm the third wheel.

It is just paperwork
to secure more money

for Amy and Gemma.

What if somethin'
happens to us?

Svetlana will be able
to take care of 'em.

I thought you wanted Fiona
to take care of 'em

if somethin' happened to us?

Fiona only cares
about herself anymore.

Oh, would you please?
Fiona's your best friend.

We have the key to her house,
and I'm pretty sure

that half our clothes
in our closet are hers.

- Then I'll take 'em back.
- Is this a permanent thing

between you two,
or is it until one of you caves

- and apologizes?
- Screw Fiona!

It's time for us to move on
and think

about what's best of our family,
and that's Svetlana.

Adoption will
give our kids stability.

Don't you want them to have more
than what we had growin' up?

I still get to be called "daddy"
no matter what.

- Or big papa.
- Oh!

Your choice, baby.

Chicks in uniform rule.

Not into dudes,

especially the teenage kind.

Save your compliments.

Impressive letter of
recommendation, Mr. Gallagher.

I know some people.

You should definitely
reapply next year.

We're at capacity this fall.

All 75 slots for this
upcoming term have been filled.

Wait, so that's it?
No interview?

We'll definitely keep
your application on file.

Well, the brochure says

that incoming classes
have 100 students.

The remaining slots are reserved

for students of color.

We try to strongly encourage

the underrepresented groups
to apply...

Native Americans,
pacific islanders, hispanic,

and, of course,
African-Americans.

I'm part black.

Black Irish doesn't count.

We'll contact you
if anything becomes available.

Marco Nunez, you're up.

♪ Dramatic rock music ♪

Go fuck yourself, pancho.

Slow mornin', etta?

Change machine's
out of quarters.

I brought quarters.

Some of your machines
are broken, too, huh?

Ah, people keep using slugs
so they won't have to pay.

They get jammed in there

tighter than a string bikini
in my ass.

I ain't fishin' 'em out.

My load's not done.

I need change for a dollar.

There's your change.

Gave her too much change.

I did?

You wouldn't have
to deal with quarters

if you got swipe cards.

Tell that to the new owners.

Not that they'd care anyway.

You're sellin' the place?

Ah, those north side suits...

They've been pokin' around,
trying to buy out my lease.

I think they're trying
to rack up the whole block.

I told 'em to get lost.

What do they want to do
with it?

Turn it into a Starbucks

or...or a cheese and wine shop.

I-I can't handle this place
since Wendell died.

You know, we tripled customers
over at patsy's when we updated.

I'm too old for that.

Worried about my babies,
though.

Seriously?
The cats?

Kittie's gettin'
her thrills, huh?

The newbies around here
don't understand the south side.

You and me...The lifers...

We still get it.

♪ Upbeat pop music ♪

Just rented
this new space yesterday,

and I need you
to order 25 desks,

5 printers, scanners,

make sure the Trinity gets
the swivel seats

with the nice butt cushion.

Uh, need a new Espresso machine,

the breville 870xl,

and a treadmill desk
for Joe an...

- You jotting this down?
- Yeah, yeah, no, I got it.

All right, got to pimp
this place back out, man.

We lost a quarter
of our staff,

so we need you to get everyone
back on the network.

Lost a quarter of our staff,
huh?

Yep.

And your intern got scared off,
so you're gonna have

to hire a new one
and fetch your own lunch.

Mine too.

Yeah, game change
is back up and running.

♪ Hey, you'll
finally be free now ♪

♪ take it slow ♪

♪ let that beat
take you home ♪

Good, Candice.

Fifty bucks
is a great start,

but, um, we got to talk
about technique

to increase our profits.

Oh, an out-of-work vet

is worth at least 40 bucks
an hour, Hector.

You're gon...Try to triple this,
all right?

And, please,
just say no to pennies.

Frank,
I need to speak with you.

Well, well, well...

The prodigal daughter returns.

How do I make
some money, fast?

No, no, no, no, no,
no free advice

- for Gallagher traitors.
- Come on, frank.

You've been hustlin'
your entire life.

I need expertise.

I already have a Debbie

to bestow
my gentle wisdom upon.

- Yes, daddy frank?
- You see?

She knows
who the real papa is.

- Isn't that a boy?
- Not to me.

Well, what about
your granddaughter?

Don't you care
what happens to her?

Oh, you mean
that strange mixed-race kid

with the butch name?

What if I change her name
back to franny?

Franny for life?
No take-backs.

Fine.

Come here.
Can I pick you up?

Oh, I've missed you.
Yes, yes, yes.

How much cash
we talkin' about?

Three hundred and seventy-two
dollars in 48 hours.

Well, that's
a fast turnaround.

I hope you're good
at hand jobs.

I don't know.

Got to shake a lot of snakes to
come up with that kind of dough.

Anything that doesn't involve
touching male anatomy?

Oh, good sign, Morris.

- Yeah.
- Shouldn't that be "homeless"?

No, spelling deficiency

is good for the cause.

You know, you're really wasting
your best assets.

Young, white, mother, female.

You're a cash cow
on the corner.

You want me
to be a prostitute?

No, don't be ridiculous.

Competition
is way too steep,

but stick a sign with you
and a baby in your arms

and just watch
the middle-class pity roll in.

- Go.
- Begging?

Yep. Hey.

Hey.

Got your text.
What's up?

Uh, grab a bag.

- This for frank's shelter?
- Yeah.

One of my teens from
the youth center is moving in.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Ian, this is Gia.

Hi.
Appreciate it.

Not as strong as I look.

These shits are heavy.

Cute and got manners?

Nice.

Gia got kicked
out of the house.

We're lucky the shelter
had some space.

Hey, frank didn't give him
too much shit

about moving in, did he?

Gia's a her, not a him.

Her proper pronoun is "she."

Your dad's a local hero.

Well, frank is a frank,
not a dad,

and his proper pronoun
is "it."

We, uh...We hangin' tonight?

Hope so.

♪ And the boss ♪

♪ of your will is extreme ♪

♪ and you cannot be stopped ♪

♪ you have to hang around ♪

- ♪ and desecrate the town ♪
- Jesus!

♪ I said it... ♪

Sorry.

Uh, what are you doin' here?

Uh, lookin' for margo.

Is this still her office?

Uh, she's out
for a deposition today.

What's the problem?

No problem.

I just came to report
that patsy's is doing great.

We've been overcrowded
on our off shifts,

and our nighttime crowds
are so heavy,

we have to take names
for tables.

- Good work.
- Thanks.

I got a lot more ideas,
but I'd like to discuss

me gettin' a reasonable cut.

Cut of what?

The profits,

seein' as how I'm the reason
that they increased.

On what planet
do diner managers

get a cut
of the business profits?

I turned that place around.

Yeah, so we wouldn't
close it down.

I worked 24-7
and got it jumpin'.

That's above
and beyond manager.

I busted my ass
on that shit diner,

and I'm not gettin' paid
what I'm worth.

Join the club.

Nobody making a paycheck
is paid what they're worth.

Look, you have to own something
to make real money,

and margo's
the only owner around here.

Fine. What about
an additional 50 bucks a week?

You just got a raise.

Not gonna happen.

♪ Electronic pop music ♪

♪ you're just
a wreckin' machine ♪

♪ you don't know
what you're doin' to me ♪

♪ yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

So who's married to whom?

- We're married...
- To each other.

But we still have relationship
with all three of us.

I'm big papa.

And who's adopting whom?

She's adopting our daughters.

She's adopting son I have
with jailbird.

- And that's him?
- No, this is big papa.

He's a good daddy
and a good husband.

Jailbird in jail.

Not daddy anymore.
New daddy, big papa.

Huh, fascinating.

A-A-And your triplets?

My son, their daughters.

So weird how we have
to keep explaining

our situation to people.

It's like they never heard
of a menage-a-three.

This may be
the most exciting adoption case

this firm has ever seen.

I mean, I'll be the face
of the modern family.

- This is career changing.
- So we negotiate discount fee

for mutual benefit.

Let's get
the paperwork started

to begin
the application process.

You'll need to gather

all of your health-care
information

to build your case file,

and the same for the children.

All of their checkups,
immunizations,

mmr vaccines.

Uh...

- Mmr vaccine?
- Not now, kev.

What do you want?

I didn't get
into military school, sir.

You fail the drug test?

No.

Said the only slots left
were for colored people.

People of color, son.

Don't say "colored people."

That's reverse racism.

So what you call
all the white slots?

Reverse reverse racism?

Well, I told 'em
I was part black.

They didn't believe me.
You've met my brother, Liam.

Somebody in my families been
dipping in the chocolate.

Can you write me
another letter?

Tell 'em I qualify
for a diversity slot?

You want me to vouch
for your blackness?

If it wouldn't be
too much trouble.

I don't know
what you are, Gallagher...

Part black, part white,
part dipshit.

Any asshole can claim black
by convenience.

- It's not fair, sir.
- White man's burden, son.

Until there's some genuine
racial balance out there,

you got to take the short end
of the diversity stick.

Well, where am I supposed
to learn to be a real man?

I'm gonna be stuck
in this hood forever.

♪ I ain't got no money ♪

♪ money ♪

♪ I can't take you
to no ball ♪

♪ go ahead and say somethin'
to me ♪

♪ tell me you love me ♪

♪ take it all in,
take it all ♪

♪ no, that's sad,
girl, shake it off ♪

♪ shake it off ♪

♪ baby,
you know what I want ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ shake it ♪

♪ you know just what I need ♪

♪ don't you? ♪

♪ And I just want
to do it at all ♪

♪ ooh, honey ♪

♪ I know it was you ♪

♪ baby, baby,
please do it for me ♪

♪ La, la, la, yes ♪

♪ shake it, shake it,
shake it ♪

Ugh, two arson victims,

a 35-year-old heart attack,

and a projectile-vomiting
three-year-old,

and it's not even five o'clock.

Yep.

How's your stain coming?

Gonna need something stronger
than baby wipes.

That kid got you good.

It's not my first time wearing
projectile vomit.

Usually there's cheap beer
and fists involved.

Oh, we're all hittin' up
the bar after work.

- You want to come?
- Ah, no, I'm supposed

to meet up
with a new friend later.

A new friend, huh?

Sounds like a rebound.

You got to go slow.

My last rebound

slashed the tires
of the rig I was workin'.

I had a patient in the back

with a coke bottle
shoved up his ass.

Not a rebound, all right?

Just a guy I met.

His name's Trevor.

He's a lot of fun
to hang out with.

It's just platonic.

There's no such thing
as platonic.

You're either bonin',

or you're waitin' to bone.

See, that's why I only hang out
with my coworkers,

'cause after a day on the rig

wearin' everybody's
piss and vomit,

- none of us are fuckable.
- What?

- No offense.
- Oh.

No, trust me,
this friend is just a friend.

Can't be any other way.

Is that your strictly friend
there texting?

Address to a yard party tonight.

Bonin' or waitin' to bone,
Gallagher.

- Yo, we connected yet?
- Uh, nah.

I need someone to log in
to complete the network setup.

All right.

There.

Create a temporary password
and get it done.

Once we're back on,
start tweeting from our account.

Folks need to know
we're alive.

So one second the offices
are getting raided by the feds,

and the next we're here

like nothin' happened.

How do you guys stay afloat?

By makin' a shit-ton of money.

Think we don't budget
for that kind of crap?

It's part of the business plan.

Like, the first time
we were alive, 14 months.

This time it was 20.
Called progress.

Yeah, but won't you guys just
end up gettin' busted again?

No, there's no crime
in fantasy sports

and processing credit cards.

The feds can try and fight it
till they're blue in the face.

Hey, so I was thinkin',
you know,

since we got
less staff now, um...

You know, any chance
maybe I could get paid?

Sarah's pomeranian needs to be

at the groomer before lunch.

Got it.

Since we're gonna be
new parents,

we should probably all have
the same last name.

How about kev's?

Great.
We'll all be balls.

Pregnant again, v?
Congrats.

I'm not pregnant.

We're adopting
each other's kids.

Adoptin' kids you already have?

You want to take some of mine
while you're at it?

Did we get the kids
the mmr shot?

Isn't that linked to autism?

In Russia,
we don't do vaccines.

In winter, we send baby out
to nap in cold.

It gets immune to virus.

So the doctors
inject the babies with a virus

to prevent the virus,
but does that mean

that they give 'em a virus
that they didn't already have?

The government did that to
black soldiers with penicillin.

Gave 'em syphilis.
A lot of 'em died.

Government wants
to give our babies syphilis?

My sister gave her kid
that shot.

Now he just hides
in the corner and hums...

♪ Show tunes ♪

Vaccines are
the greatest medical invention

of all time.

No polio, no smallpox,
no measles.

You want your kids
to end up with Scarlet fever?

- Used to kill thousands.
- Sounds bad.

- It was bad.
- It's not as safe as they say.

Better than polio.

So we experiment.

Don't give vaccine
to all babies, just some.

See what happens.

♪ Upbeat music playing
over speakers ♪

- This is like my family.
- Yeah.

It's like a family.
Highs and lows, right, ladies?

- A lot of highs.
- A lot of lows.

You're a real people's champion,
Mr. Gallagher.

- Thank you.
- If there's more you need,

please don't hesitate

to let Elena
and the organization know.

Well, good sir,
since you're so generous,

we could use
a new television

to keep us distracted
from the drugs...

And a microwave,
new refrigerator,

some appliances,
maybe a furniture upgrade.

- We'll send some things over.
- Thank you.

Now, which ones
of these kids are yours?

Want to make sure
they get in the picture.

Oh, this is little Liam
right here.

Hey, there.

Nice smile, son.

Okay, show 'em
your pearly browns.

♪ Funky electronic music ♪

- Here's your check.
- Thank you.

Hi.

Fifteen dollars
and eighty-three cents.

Take it off my tab,
and I'll be back with more,

so don't touch my things.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

Gallagher.

Been looking for you.

As much as an annoying

and otherwise rodent-like pest

you've become
in my daughter's life...

I've grown to feel a sense
of responsibility for you.

Military school might be
your best shot

to avoid being human scum.

You're gonna vouch
for my blackness?

Still no.

But you can take a DNA test
to prove your African ancestry.

All it takes is
an oral swab of your cheek.

They swab my ass cheeks?

Oral, Gallagher.

That's the mouth.

Oh, cool.

Pick you up
at 10 A.M. sharp.

Debbie?

Hey, Tanya, what's up?

What are you doing
out here?

Just raisin' money
for franny.

Job scarcity,
and nobody's hiring.

Crazy, right?

Got any spare change?

Do you need help
or something?

Or, like, a babysitter?

No, we're fine.

Just doing
whatever it takes.

If you talk to Derek,
tell him I said hi.

I'll see you later.

Hey...

My corner,
freckle face.

Excuse me?

Pack up your stuff
and get lost.

This belongs to me
and my baby.

I've still got 355 bucks
to earn.

Find another fuckin' corner.

Oh, no, you know what?
I think I'll keep this one.

♪ Rock music ♪

- What are you doing?
- Marking my territory.

So am I, bitch.

- No, no, no!
- Hey!

Oh!

Back off!

Ooh!

You're a terrible person!

- Hey.
- Hey.

You get a quote
on the washer?

Uh, I didn't have time today.

Can't you handle it?

I was serious about
not taking this house shit on.

I'll pay my fair share
of whatever it costs to fix it,

but until then,
I'll keep taking my quarters

to etta's at the 'mat.

♪ Electronic music ♪

- Uh-huh!
- ♪ I say ♪

This dj's wild.
Whose place is this?

My friend Kali.

She's a legendary
party promoter.

She even planned one
for prince in Paisley park.

It's been a while since
I had someone to party-hop with.

I miss this shit.

It's good to see you
let your hair down, red.

♪ I say ♪

♪ I say ♪

♪ I say ♪

I turned around profits
at the diner,

and I asked for a raise,
but how can I ensure my future?

Well, you might want
to consider a sep ira

or a roth ira
to prepare for the long term.

I'm surprised
you messaged me again.

I know.

My rule's one time,
but I could really use the tips,

and, you know,
you're a great lay.

No problem.

You might also
want to consider bonds.

Some low risk,
high yield.

Perhaps something
more aggressive.

I can do all this stuff
on a manager's salary?

Investing and ownership
is really the only way to go

from being poor to rich.

- Ownership?
- Yeah.

Anybody who's really rich,
owns something.

Or lots of something.

Next time,
we can just meet in my office.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

Three hundred thirty-seven
dollars per pint of blood.

I could sell two pints
before my body goes into shock.

Ugh.
Nah, you're right.

That would only last us
a couple of months.

Ten dollars
per square inch of skin.

Seems kind of low.

We still have time.
I am not going to let Fiona

kick us to the curb.

How much for one cornea?

Had some of your things
at my house,

so I thought
I'd bring 'em by.

Oh, those fit you
better than they fit me anyway.

You can just keep 'em.

Not sure what you want to do
with the spare key, but...

I can bring by
your stuff later.

No need.
Kev will pick it up.

- Fine.
- Cool.

- Hey, v.
- Hey.

Sorry. Kev put that one in
with the colors.

Ah, it's okay.

- Thanks.
- No problem.

That's what friends do
for each other.

Jesus, any colder in here,
we're gonna need parkas.

What's with you and v?

Really couldn't go
to the laundromat

just like everyone else?

Well, just 'cause you want
to ice everyone out

doesn't mean I have to.

- What's up with you?
- What's up with me?

I'm workin' around the clock.

I'm doin' great.
What's up with you?

Jesus, how hard can managing
a fucking diner be

for you to stop giving a shit
about us and v?

Who says
I don't give a shit?

I'm not gonna apologize
for gettin' my life together.

V will be fine once she realizes
that self-improvement

is not a crime,
and so will all of you.

Guys, watch your backs.

You fuckin' seein' this?

Is that a new washer/dryer

gettin' delivered to frank?

Even the homeless get
better stuff than us.

Okay, so which one

of you little titans
is getting vaccinated first?

This one's first.
She gets the whole bundle.

None for her, and for the boy,

can we get,
like, half of 'em?

- Oh, shit.
- Hey!

- Yo, bro.
- Jesus.

- Sorry to interrupt.
- What's up, dude?

Nah, nah, we're...
We're good here.

Yeah?

So, uh, catch you later?

Fuck off, Joaquin.

Hey.

Hey, you guys here
to get the swab kit?

- That's right.
- For both of you?

- Just for the kid.
- All right, just so you know,

we got a special promo going on
today if you're interested.

Get two DNA tests
at half off,

so, basically,
you get one free.

Just for the kid, thanks.

What are my chances
of being from the motherland?

As in Africa or as in...

Africa.

It's pretty fair, actually.

You know, I had the test done,
and it changed my life.

Found out my family was from
the fulani tribe of Nigeria.

Been there twice now.

Planning on moving there
next year.

Even changed my name
to chuku.

What was your name before?

My slave name was lin.

Hey, what if we're
in the same tribe, Mr. W?

- Wouldn't that be cool?
- I don't think so, Gallagher.

- How do you know we aren't?
- You could find out.

We'll let you know
when we get the results.

Our two-for-one special's
kind of unbeatable.

If I find out

any of your people
owned any of my people,

I'm gonna have to shoot you.

♪ Mellow rock music ♪

- Whoa!
- Ow, ooh, oh!

I'm sorry.

Need a ride?

♪ Rock music playing
over speakers ♪

Ah.

Frank, aren't you
supposed to be buried

under some bulldozers?

Take more than that
to kill this cockroach.

Barmaids, whatever you have
on tap for the wife and me.

We gettin' married?

It's a figure of speech.

No more running bar tab
for sewer rat

who never pays.

I assume

you're referring to Kermit,

but I'm ready
to reconcile my debt.

Give me the numbers.

Two hundred twenty-three dollars
and seventy-five cents.

How about just
for the last 30 days?

Two hundred twenty-three dollars
and seventy-five cents.

It's gonna take real money,
frank.

Kev's not here
for you to confuse.

Mm-hmm.

What other kind of money
is there?

What, did you Rob
a bum there, frank?

Or a lousy stripper?

Old-fashioned entrepreneurship,
my friends.

I create
financial opportunities

for the homeless,

I get to keep a nest egg
for myself...

The American way.

Hey, careful spending all that
in one place.

How you gonna afford
your drugs?

That's a good point.

It may be time
to increase my profits.

Two hundred twenty-three
dollars...

And 75 cents.

Mm.

Oh, my god, I'm crazy...

Properly boozed
and debt-free...

What a way to live.

Uh, one second, please.

Neil?

I took the bus.

I met a redheaded girl
with big tatas.

Uh, you two know each other?

This is my brother.
Excuse him.

He was in an accident
and says whatever he's thinking.

Hey, Neil, no tatas.

Oh, sorry.

He seems sweet,

and franny seems
to really like him.

I'm hungry.

I have to work,
but I'll bring you a burger,

- all right?
- Okay.

- I could sit with him.
- You sure you don't mind?

Totally sure.

Okay, uh, if he tries
to touch your tits or anything,

just SWAT his hands away.
It's involuntary.

Okay.

I'll bring you guys
some cokes.

Who is that weird, creepy guy
sitting with my sister?

Uh, my brain-damaged brother.

Debbie sitting
with him cool?

- Yeah, of course.
- All right.

- Hey.
- Hey. Peppermint tea.

Sober tonic
before headin' into work.

Good idea.
Thanks.

Come on.

I, um...I had a blast
hangin' last night.

Yeah, the party was epic.

Might need to go light
a few days to recover.

Oh, we can always hang out
at my place next time.

Watch a movie or fuck.

What?

Well, dude, come on.

You were all over me
last night.

- We were drunk.
- Call it whatever you want,

but, uh, you couldn't
keep your tongue off of me.

You were in heat,

ready to hump
anything that moves.

I, uh...I get it
if you're too scared to admit

that you've got the hots
for a trans dude.

I'm not scared of anything.

I-I'm into cock.

What, afraid you'll
get your world rocked, red?

You do have a vagina, right?

Like, technically,
not philosophically?

I have a cock for packing.

I have a...Several silicone cocks
for fucking.

I consider to have a cock
connected to my body.

The "vagina" is a nonfactor.

It's cool, okay?

There's no need
to be freaked out.

We can just be friends...

Really hot friends

who both have cocks.

Give me a shout when you're free
to hang, all right?

Yeah, yeah.

See you later, friend.

So workforce or college...

Which one's
the bigger scam?

Uh...

I don't know.
Maybe equal, I guess.

Look at all this fresh meat.

College has got to have
an edge on that, right?

Yeah, higher concentration
maybe.

I don't know about an edge.

You not planning to come back?

Nah, i'm, um...

Interning for a bunch
of rich college friends.

Degrees bought and paid for
by trust funds or whatever.

I tutor douche bags like that
in micro engineering,

and they'll still
end up with the jobs.

It sucks ass, but...

We could hack these fucks, and
they wouldn't know what hit 'em.

♪ Upbeat rock music ♪

Wait, w-what?

Look, I'm already
into their system

helping them reboot
the company, right?

Easy access
to reroute credit card payments

to our own account.

This is what you
came up here for?

You're the smartest lowlife
I know.

So you had an accident?

I rode my skateboard
into a bus.

What does
your hair smell like?

Uh, shampoo, I think.

- Were you wearin' a helmet?
- No.

Like strawberry shampoo
or dandruff shampoo?

Closer to strawberry,
I think.

Did you sue the bus company?

Yeah, won a lot of money
and disability.

And I like babies.
And I like your juicy Booty.

Involuntary, right?

Uh, do you have
your own place?

Yeah, with my sister.

- Is it soft?
- My Booty?

Uh, sort of, I guess.

Your nipples are hard
through your shirt.

Uh, who takes care of you?

Sierra, when she's not busy,
but she's busy a lot.

Hmm.

So let me get this straight.

You have your own place,

your own money,
and nobody to take care of you?

Neil, do you believe
in fate?

♪ Upbeat rock music ♪

♪ there's nobody's
gonna take my ♪

♪ name ♪

♪ and nobody's gonna take me
to yesterday ♪

♪ and nobody's gonna
take my name ♪

♪ no, and nobody's gonna
take me to yesterday ♪

♪ no ♪

- Hey.
- What's up?

Mind if I use the washer?
It's some of Liam's stuff.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Just keep your mouth shut.

The babies are still sleepin'.

Oh, man,
they got their shots today.

Well, some did.

We're waitin' to see
on who gets sick.

These viruses...
Deadly stuff, man.

Oh, uh, Fiona left
some, uh, shit for you.

It's v's, I guess.

What, hooker boots and cds?

Did Fiona tell you
what's goin' on with those two?

I-I think
I must've missed somethin'.

Uh, not really.
She's just being weird

- about the whole thing.
- Must be what it's like

for kids whose folks are
going through a divorce.

One minute they're bffs,

the next minute
you're picking on

who you want to live with.
It's stressin' me out.

I mean, I'm pickin' v,
obviously,

but it doesn't mean
I don't miss Fiona.

Ah, they're both being stupid.

What's goin' on with you?

Same old, same old.

Ah, dude,
don't hold out on me.

I've been dealing with toddlers
all day, talking abcs,

telling 'em what sounds
a cow makes.

It's moo, motherfucker.
It's moo.

I'm thinkin' about fuckin'
one of my friends.

Sweet.
Why...why even think about it?

- Just do it.
- He's got a vagina, kind of.

What, like a real vagina,
or he acts like a pussy?

No, no, like a real,
live vagina,

except I'm not supposed
to call it that

because the vagina's,
like, a fuckin' nonfactor.

- I don't know.
- So is it imaginary?

No, I think it's more like
a man cave.

I don't even know if we're still
talking about body parts.

Uh, you know...

I re...I really like the guy,

and, uh, he's...He's hot.

I don't want to mess up
the friendship part,

and I-I don't know
if I can suck silicone cock.

Right.

Right.
I'm still confused.

Is guy vag different
from girl vag?

♪ Upbeat rock music ♪

Uh, don't worry about it.
I'll be back for Liam's clothes.

Yo, thanks
for the adult convo, kev.

Glad I could help, man.

Hey, etta,

those suit guys
hassling you again?

Whose suits?

From the north side,
the realtors?

Oh.

They offered me 100 grand
for the lease,

but they said I couldn't live
upstairs with my cats no more.

They're tryin' to kick you
out of your apartment?

I've lived in this place
since the '50s,

and now they're tryin'
to buy out my lease

and take my apartment, too.

You don't have to get run out
by these guys.

I bet if you offered
a few perks,

offered free delivery, maybe.

You'd get a ton more people
up in here.

Hell, I've been doin'
other people's wash

since I was in diapers.

We could split the profits.

You wouldn't even have
to worry about it.

What's the use, honey?

Rich people always win.

Seventy-four, 75 bucks!

Not bad, new lip.

Not bad at all.

I'm gonna take,
uh, 50% for the savings fund.

I thought it was 25%?

I'm contributing
to home improvement.

Electric bills
for flat screens and washers

don't pay themselves.

What do you say, troops?
Keep it or send it back?

Keep it, keep it, keep it.

Don't forget who's lookin' after
your financial future.

Daddy frank, daddy frank,

daddy frank, daddy frank,

daddy frank, daddy frank,
daddy frank.

Hey, hey, hey,
we can't hear the TV.

Excuse me.

Tight-ass lady at table two

said she owns the place,
asked for you.

Mushroom Turkey burger
with sweet-potato fries

is our most popular.

Chad said you stopped by today
askin' for a raise.

We're doin' great.
I think I earned it.

- How are your prime costs?
- Food cost is at 35%.

Lots of new items
on this menu.

I removed 20 old items
that weren't sellin',

and I saved two percent
on meat costs

by gettin' rid of
the triple beef burger.

- Labor costs?
- Down to 28%.

I deserve that raise.

I authorized Chad to give you
25 extra bucks a week.

I asked for 50.

- We're negotiating now?
- Yeah, we are.

You got a city block
for sale somewhere

or a rundown apartment building

in some up-and-coming
neighborhood?

'Cause those are the only people
that I negotiate with.

I'm throwin' you a bone.
Take it.

And I will take
that mushroom Turkey burger.

♪ Rock music ♪

Okay, adoption application
is ready for signature.

So I got to admit...

As much as I was worried
about this whole adoption thing,

I kind of like bein' big papa.

On count of three,
we take shots, and we sign.

Speaking Russian

to thrupple kids.

- Yo?
- What's up?

We in the system?

Uh...

All right, hide a transfer beta
where they won't see it.

Now.

Screw you, rocky.

Mr. Gallagher,
we didn't find

any African lineage
in your strand.

Wait, rea...
Are you sure?

Ah, but we did find
33.5% native American ancestry

traceable to the apache tribe.

- You mean I'm an Indian?
- Mmm.

- And, uh, Mr. Winslow,

your DNA test reveals 22% Irish
traceable to the puritans.

What?
As in pilgrims?

Mm-hmm, that's right.

You two are the pilgrims
and the Indians.

Didn't your people
kill my people?

Don't say another word.

Apache, bitch.

I'm goin' to military school.

Who is it?

Deb Gallagher at this address?

Debs, for you.

- Uh, yeah?
- Debbie Gallagher?

I'm Tony casas

from the department
of children and family services.

We want to inform you that
we're opening an investigation

to determine whether or not your
daughter, Frances Gallagher,

is the victim of child
endangerment and neglect.

What?

This is you, correct?

Babies look okay so far.

I don't see
any smallpox or measles.

Ooh.

Gemma sounds like
she's gettin' a cold.

Did she get vaccinated or no?

Yes.
Wait, no.

Wait.

Shit, I forgot
to write it down.

No, yeah.
I don't know.

♪ Rock music ♪