Original subtitles

- Yes, Sydney? - Oh!

Ha, ha, ha.

Hello, Miss Courtney.

Did you want me?

No, I was just giving your office floor a brush out.

How very kind.

Good evening.

Ah, Mr. Brown, just the man I want.

You lucky devil.

Sorry.

Would you step into to my office?

Yeah.

Not you.

Mr. Brown.

After you, Miss Courtney.

Did you have a nice weekend?

Oh, very pleasant.

I spent two days in Looe.

Oh.

In lieu of what?

Oh, in Looe, in Cornwall.

Oh yes.

I have brought something for you.

Here.

It's a tape recorder.

Yes.

Oh that's very kind of you, Miss Courtney.

Thank you very much.

I didn't expect you to buy me anything.

Well that's good because I haven't.

But I thought this was a--

That tape recorder belongs to the music class.

I thought it might be a good idea

if you used it to try to improve your student's elocution.

Oh yes, that is a good idea.

How does it work?

It is self-explanatory, Mr. Brown.

Stop, start, wind, rewind, record.

Oh.

Shouldn't there be a microphone?

It is fully built-in.

When you have finished it, perhaps you would

return it to the music club?

Yes, certainly.

You may go.

Thank you.

Pompous old twit.

Huh?

That old hen.

She's such a pompous old twit.

Don't you have a class to go to?

Yeah, I was just going.

Oh, just one moment.

Something the matter?

Yes, it's still switched on.

Oh!

By George.

I do hope you weren't being indiscreet.

No.

No, of course.

I never said anything, did I, Syd?

No, not a.

Nothing but his normal self.

Well, we'll see, shall we?

I think I'll go and sweep the floor.

Yes, I--

Stay where you are.

Now, let's see what we can hear.

When you have finished with it, perhaps you

would be kind enough to return it to the music club?

Yes, certainly.

You may go.

Thank you. Here we are.

That's it. There's no more.

No, there's really no more.

Just a moment.

Pompous old twit.

That old hen.

She's a pompous old twit.

I see.

I am a pompous old twit, am I?

That wasn't you.

Really?

Good lord no, was it Syd?

No No, nobody.

Oh!

Then who was it?

Uh, who? Well, it was--

Yes!

It was the other old boiler, Gladys the tea lady.

Yes, that's right, Gladys.

I would to hardly call Gladys pompous.

Oh, wouldn't you?

She can be very pompous at times.

I see.

Well perhaps you would tell pompous Gladys that I

am waiting for my coffee.

Right.

Do you know my horoscope was right.

I was forecast to clash with authority ending in disaster.

That wasn't disaster.

Yeah, well the night is still young.

There you are.

How are you liking it?

You are very rude, Ranjeet.

Also he's not be spell very good.

Please, Ranjeet.

Rub it off before Ali arrives.

No.

You'll make Ali me very mad.

I am not caring.

Yesterday Ali's calling me a monkey face.

He shouldn't call you a monkey face.

Oh, thank you much.

It's not your fault you look like that.

Have I missed something funny?

No, professori.

He's still here.

You are liking flowers?

Scusi?

You are liking flowers.

Answer yes or no.

- Well sure I like the flowers. - Good.

I'm sending some to your funeral.

Ranjeet!

Put your knife away.

Giovanni, sit down.

Come on.

What hope is there for a multi-racial society

if a handful of people can't sit down

together for a couple of hours without coming to blows?

Oh, we only make a the joke.

Well in future, let's have no more jokes.

They only seem to lead to arguments.

Who's responsible for this?

Come along, I'm waiting.

Well, if the person who is responsible doesn't own up,

you'll all stay behind and have extra homework.

It was Ranjeet!

Then I suggest you come up here, Ranjeet,

and rub it off before Ali comes in and sees it.

Before Ali comes in and sees what?

Nothing, Ali.

You are hiding something from me.

Yes, please, I can see my name on blackboard.

But we were just about to rub it off.

Oh, blimey!

I can be reporting you to the Monastery of Education.

Ministry.

That also.

I'm being surprised at you.

Me?

Writing things like that.

I didn't write it.

But you are standing with chalkie in hand.

That is circumstantial.

Oh no, that is most definitely chalkie.

It was already written before I arrived.

Oh.

Then I'm knowing who is writing it.

It is monkey face.

Sit down, the pair of you.

Listen, if I have any more arguments,

those persons responsible will be sent home immediately.

Buenos noches.

- And that goes for you too. - Por favor?

- No more arguments. - Me?

Never arguing.

You always argue.

Never.

Oh yes you do.

Oh no I don't.

You're arguing now.

No, you--

Sit down.

Sit.

Right.

Now, tonight we're going to concentrate on your elocution.

And heaven knows it needs concentrating on.

Right. Now, this is a tape recorder.

We're going to have the music while we work?

No, we're not.

We're just going to have the work.

I'm going to ask each of you in turn to say something

into this, and we'll rewind it and play it back,

and we'll correct any mistakes or mispronunciations

you may make.

Right.

You first, Ali.

Jolly good.

What shall I be saying?

Well, just say anything at all that comes into your mind.

Anything at all that is coming into my mind.

Um, uh.

That'll do.

Yes.

Next.

Here is the news.

And this is Maximillian Andreas Archimedes

Papandrious speaking it.

Today we not have any news.

Maybe tomorrow we have some.

Danielle.

My name is Danielle Favre.

36-21-35.

I am French au pair and I like all kind

of sports, in the doors and out of the doors.

Thank you, Miss France.

Taro.

Testing.

One-o, two-o, three-o, four-o.

Good-o.

Good, good, good.

I am be speaking little poetries.

When first I come to school, I am sit here like a fool.

But master teach me how to speech and now

I am speak much more better.

That didn't exactly rhyme.

Master Shakespeare no be rhyme.

No, that's true. He doesn't, not always.

Giovanni.

Arrivaderci Roma!

Giovanni, this is not a talent contest.

Just say a sentence or two.

OK.

I am in the English class to learn how to speak the English.

Now I speak English--

And you still have a lot to learn.

Ranjeet?

Greetings and salutation to all my friends.

Long life and much happiness be with you all.

Very nice. I mean, thank you.

Well done.

Su-Lee, and spare us the thoughts of Chairman

Mao tonight, please.

Oh, so Chairman Mao wasted on crowd

full of ignorant followers of imperialistic policies

of a nation.

Only China can cure democracy.

Finished. - Thank you, Su-Lee.

At least you're consistent.

Now, Juan?

I tell you a little story.

My cousin from Madrid, his wife, she goes up to heaven--

spiritu santo domini.

And in the funeral, my cousin, he's a very bad.

Sure, the priest, he come to him and say, please, my son,

don't worry.

In six months from now maybe you'll

find another beautiful senorita and you get married.

My cousin, he said to the priest,

six months, what am I going to do tonight?

Thank you, Juan.

I know 20 more.

Yeah, well save them for tea.

All right.

Now we'll rewind this, and you're all

here how terrible you sound.

You've all got a long way to go.

No, please.

The landlord man I'm staying with is telling me,

I am speaking English much more better than what he's doing.

Is he a Londoner?

No.

He's from Turkey.

Well, I wouldn't let it go to your head, Ranjeet.

Right.

Now, pay attention.

You first, Ali.

Jolly good.

What shall I to say?

Well, just say anything at all that comes into your mind.

Anything at all that is coming into to my mind.

Um.

That'll do.

Who was that?

Who was what?

Who were you speaking to?

That was you.

You are pulling my leggy.

That was not me.

That is a foreign-sounding man.

Exactly.

That's how you sound.

Oh, blimey.

And all the time I'm thinking I'm sounding

good like Sir Olivier Laurence.

It's Laurence Olivier.

Yes, please.

You're late, Anne.

yeah.

Are you feeling all right?

Yeah.

You do not sound all right.

Look, if there's anything that's troubling you--

You can tell us.

We're your friends.

That's right.

You let your hair down.

Oh blimey.

How can she be letting her hair down when it is not up?

Letting your hair down means to get

everything off of the chest.

Ah, you are be want her to take off her clothes.

Holy ravioli.

These foreigners are all stupid.

Tell me what, Anna, why don't you tell us what's the matter.

For the last time, there's nothing the matter.

Stop asking stupid questions.

I'm perfectly all right.

Enter.

I'm returning the tape recorder.

I took it back to the music class but they'd all gone home.

Oh very well. You can leave it there.

Are you finished now?

Yes.

I've just got to give them their homework.

I think I've got a slight problem.

Oh?

Your task is one big problem.

I'm rather worried about Anna.

In what way?

Well she burst into tears when she arrived.

And so far she refused to say what's troubling her.

Oh, dear.

I do hope it isn't Miss Rowbottom all over again.

Pardon?

Needle work class, last term, exactly the same symptoms--

weeping all over embroidery, refused to say why.

Did you ever find out what was the matter?

Oh yeah.

Was it something serious?

It was for Miss Rowbottom.

She was pregnant.

Please Please, Anna, tell us what is the matter.

I'm all right.

How can you be saying you are all right when you have

been crying buckets of water?

You can do nothing to help.

How you know we can do nothing to help if you

do not tell us your problem?

All right, I tell you.

I have to go back to West Germany.

Why you got to go back?

My visa's au pair's kaput, finished.

Two years is nearly up.

Well why not ask for an extension?

It won't work.

I have a friend from East Germany, Ava, also au pair.

She's been told she has to go back next month.

You no want to go back?

No, I want to stay here.

You can be staying with me.

I hide you.

Nobody will be knowing you are there.

Thank you, Ranjeet, but it won't work.

Maybe you ask for diplomatic immunity.

Ah, Su-Lee is right.

You can be a detective.

Defector.

Uh huh, that is what I mean.

People only defect from East to West.

I'm already in the West.

Go to the Chinese embassy and join with Republic of China

in a fight against Russian aggression.

I want to stay here in England.

I have answer.

Become British citizen.

How?

Wife automatically take the nationality of husband.

Hey, that Taro's got something.

You must get married.

With an Englishman.

Hey, how about Syd?

He's an Englishman.

He's already being married.

No.

We put something in the newspaper.

Wanted, smart Englishman, plenty money,

good looks to marry beautiful German girl, very sexy.

I won't do that.

Sure you can.

When I marry, it must be Mr. Right.

Is he English?

- Who? - This Mr. Right.

- I haven't met him yet. - Oh blimey.

How can you be marrying someone you haven't met yet?

What Anna means, when she marries,

she marries Mr. Right, not Mr. Wrong.

But he's be sound like a foreign person.

Who?

Mr. Wrong.

Don't take any notice of them, Anna.

What I mean is, when I get married, it must be for love.

You don't have to live with him.

All you got to do is get a British passport

by getting married.

Then after a couple of months, you get a divorce.

Who's going to agree to marry me for a couple of months?

Plenty people.

Hey, no let's think of somebody.

First, he's got to be English.

That's right.

And a little bit stupid.

Somebody simple, huh?

Who we can twist around her little finger.

It is impossible.

God will find a way.

Tell me, where is God going to find a stupid, simple,

Englishman who can twist around our little finger?

Deo gratias.

It's all right. Nothing.

Nothing.

Right.

Now, about your homework.

Professori, after class we invite you

to the pub for a drink, huh?

- Oh, that's very kind of you. - Good.

But I'm afraid I've got rather a lot of work to do.

Oh.

You must come.

We will be so disappointed if you do not come.

Oh, well, if you put it like that, how can I resist?

Now don't forget, we give Mr. brown plenty

of the softer soap.

What is this softer soap?

The flannel.

Soft soap, flannel--

is he going to have a bath?

I think he means, we are going to be getting

Mr. Brown in a good mood.

Why don't you speak the better English.

Hey, I think they're coming back.

Okie tokie.

Now not to worry, Anna.

We fix you up.

There we are then.

Who ordered what shots?

Hey, professori, you sit here, next to Anna.

All right.

Thank you. Right.

Now what should we drink to?

To the future.

- To the future. - Salud.

Salute.

Cheers.

You ever think about the future, professori?

Sometimes.

You ever think of getting married, boss?

Not really.

Every man should be married.

Especially to a woman.

You are living by yourself.

Men not meant live to live by alone.

It is not natural.

Men and women are made for each other.

In China, we believe it is duty

of every citizen to marry and produce citizen.

You are missing a lot of nice pleasures.

You'll all very concerned to get me married off.

We are only wanting you to be happy.

I'm quite happy, as I am, thank you.

What about you, Anna?

You haven't said anything yet?

Or are you against marriage?

Oh no, I would like to be married.

I can't understand why she's not married already.

Such a beautiful girl, aye, professori?

Pardon?

That Anna, she's a beautiful girl.

Yeah.

Yes.

One day she's going to make somebody a nice wife.

She's a wonderful cook.

And good with the housecleaning.

Kindhearted.

Very careful with the money.

Always at home.

Faithful.

A man would be lucky to have such wife.

I smell something fishy.

Oh, blimey.

It must be the curried

I'm having for lunch.

No, I'm not stupid.

This has something to with you, Anna.

Am I right? - Yeah.

OK, we tell you the truth, professori.

Anna is in the big trouble.

See, she's got to get married.

Got to?

Sure, boss.

There is no other way.

Miss Courtney was right then.

Miss Courtney knows about Anna?

Well, she suspected correctly, as it turns out.

Can you not be help her?

Well, I'll do my best.

Now listen, Anna, do know who's responsible for your condition?

- Yeah. - Good.

Who is it?

The home secretary.

I beg your pardon.

He is the one.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

- You must be mistaken. - Nein.

He is the one.

And Well I'm afraid he must have been lying.

Who was lying?

Well this person who told you that he was the home secretary.

What person?

Well the person who put you in this state you are in.

Yeah, it was the home secretary.

It couldn't of been the home secretary.

It was.

My girlfriend Ava is in the same boat with me.

You mean your Girlfriend.

Is also in your condition?

Yeah.

Both of you are in the same boat with the home secretary?

Yeah.

I can't believe it.

It's true.

Ava has written to him, but he says

her visa cannot be extended.

Mine also is ending.

That is why I must get married to an Englishman.

Just a minute.

You mean you want to get married to stay in the country?

Yeah.

And for no other reason?

Nein.

Oh, well thank goodness for that.

Okie tokie, when we fix the wedding?

There won't be a wedding.

Shh.

Look, Anna, much as I sympathize with your predicament,

I can't marry you.

It wouldn't be right.

I may be old-fashioned, but I believe that people

should marry for love and not merely

as a matter of convenience.

Yeah.

You're right.

Excuse me, I go to fix my face.

Honestly, I'm surprised at you lot, concocting

a stupid idea like that?

We only wanted to help Anna.

We are be feeling very sorry for her.

Yeah, well I'm sure you meant well.

Oh, cheers.

Come on, I'll get some more drinks.

Poor Anna.

She is going to be very sad.

Yeah.

We have to fix something, Giovanni.

Hey, I got it, Maxy.

We get him drunk.

Who we get drunk?

Professori.

Then tomorrow, he not remember anything.

And we tell him he agreed to marry Anna in here

tonight in front of the witnesses.

Anna will never agree to that.

Sure she will.

How you know?

We get her drunk as well.

Leaving Mr. Brown?

Not particularly.

Feeling under the weather?

Just a little bit.

I had a bit too much to drink last night.

Ah, professori.

How you feeling, boss?

Terrible.

Last night you were very happy man.

Was I?

I don't remember.

You not remember dancing on the table?

I didn't.

You did, with Anna.

Just after you asked her to marry you.

Well I'm afraid I--

what did you say I did?

You asked Anna to marry you.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

You say you felt sorry for her.

You no want her to go back to Germany,

so you tell her you marry her.

Are you sure?

Positive.

She's going to fix that date tonight.

You're a very lucky man.

Congratulations.

I don't want congratulations.

Well, come to think of it, getting is more

of an occasion for mourning.

I am not getting married.

Well they seem to think you are.

Well they are wrong, and I'm going to tell them so.

Oh.

Hi.

Now, in your places, everybody.

Listen, please.

I've got something to tell you about.

Oh, Anna, just the person I want to see.

Mr. Brown, what can I say to you.

Yeah, well, I'd rather you didn't say anything.

What you did last night was wunderbar.

Yeah, well, it's about last night, Anna.

I will never forget it.

Anna, will you listen to me.

But I cannot let you marry me.

Yeah, well I may have had one or two--

what did you say?

I cannot let you marry me.

There's no need.

You mean you found somebody else?

I telephoned home secretary.

He can't marry you.

He's already got a wife.

I phone about my visa, and he tells me I can stay because I'm

part of common market.

That is good news.

But how can I say thank you for your kind offer?

Oh, well, that was nothing.

Would you have actually done this thing?

Well, yes, I mean, that's what friends are for.

Wunderbar.

You will like Ava.

Pardon?

My friend.

She's from East Germany, so she's not in common market.

Ava.

Where is Mr. Brown?

Here.

Come to Ava!