Original subtitles

I brought you some coffee Ms. Courtney.

I shan't be wanting it this morning, thank you, Gladyx.

I have to be at the court in half an hour.

Tennis court?

Magistrates.

Oh, my goodness.

What have you done?

I haven't done anything.

I am on the bench.

I am a JP.

Oh, very nice.

Any juicy bits?

I beg your pardon?

Well, you know like you read in the Sunday papers.

Husband finds wife in bed with lover.

No, Gladys.

Just the usual amount of football

hooligans and drunk and disorderly.

That sort of thing.

Enter!

Thank you, Gladys.

I brought the stockroom keys back.

Well, you better hang onto them,

Sydney, today.

She's in court.

Court what?

Court!

Magistrate's court!

God, have you been nicked?

Nicked?

I've got a friend of mine that'll defend you,

and if he can't get you off he'll

bang a few quid to the JP.

Most of them are bent.

I am a JP.

I was only joking.

And I sincerely hope you were.

I'll see you two tomorrow.

Well, don't be too hard on anyone.

Will you?

Remember, a person is innocent until he's proved guilty.

Yes, well I have often thought that should

be the other way around.

You should know best.

Lord, I'd hate to come up before her.

Me neither.

With people like her on the bench, no wonder

they demolished the death sentence.

Case number one has been put back until after lunch.

OK, very well.

Let's get on with it.

Case number two.

Call case number two.

Good heavens.

Ms. Courtney, what are you doing here?

I am the presiding magistrate.

Oh, blimey.

We are being in luck.

We are bound to be getting off scotty free.

Quiet in court.

I take it you know these people, Ms. Courtney?

I most certainly do.

Are you sure you won't be prejudiced in their favor?

If I am prejudiced, it certainly

won't be in their favor.

Inspector isn't it a little unusual

for the police to bring so many defendants before the bench

at one time?

The dock seams to be a little overloaded.

The case is rather unusual Madam.

The accused, though acting individually,

did in fact commit the offenses collectively.

I see.

What are the charges?

Ms. Tsung Su Li and Mr. Tado Nagazumi incited a riot.

I demand Diplomatic immunity!

Silence!

Carry on.

Mr. Giovanni Cappello and Miss Danielle

Favre disturbing the peace.

Mr. Ranjit Sing and Mrs. Djambi Larandraf causing an affray.

Please, I'm not understanding what he's meaning.

And I'm not be understand also Mr. G.

But he's reading out the charges.

You mean we're having to pay for being here?

More than likely.

Will you please be quite!

Sorry!

Mr. Ali Nadeem and Ms. Anna Schmidt,

causing a public nuisance.

Mr. Juan Cervantes and Mr. Maximilian Papandrios,

assaulting a police officer.

He assault us first.

Si, he hit my fist with his jaw.

Another remark like that I shall hold you in contempt.

Por favor?

Speak when you are spoken to, Juan.

Sorry, wrong number.

Carry on with the charges.

That's all.

Well what about Mr. Brown?

Oh, I'm not charged with anything.

What are you doing in the dock?

I've come here to speak on their behalf.

He's our mouthpiece.

Sure!

He's going to spring us.

You see, Ms. Courtney--

Stop!

You must come down onto the floor of the court

if you wish to address the bench.

Oh, right.

You see Ms. Courtney--

Stop!

I am not Ms. Courtney.

Funny, she looked like Ms. Courtney.

You will kindle address me as your honor.

Sorry, Ms. Courtney-- your honor.

But there are mitigating circumstances,

and I'm sure that when you've heard

what these students have to say you

will decide to act leniently.

I will see about that after we have heard the explanation.

Yes.

Well it all happened last Friday evening after class.

As part of their homework, I decided to give the students

various tasks to perform.

Things to do, places to visit.

Su Li and Tado, would you tell the court

what happened in your case?

Take the stand please.

Take the book in your right hand and read what's on the card.

Yes, sir.

I swear by Almighty God that the evidence I shall give

shall be the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth.

Take the book in your right hand--

No!

Are you saying that you are not going to tell the truth?

The Republic of China not believe in Christian religion.

What do you believe in?

Chairman Mao.

Very well, do you swear by Chairman Mao

that the evidence you give shall be the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth?

In Democratic Republic of China

there is no room for lies.

Truth is absolute, so say Chairman Mao.

I think we can accept that as an affirmation.

Proceed.

Task Mr. Brown allocate to Tado

and me is visit Speakers Corner in Hyde

Park to observe

I say to you again ladies and gentlemen.

Do not be deceived by assurance of a so-called change

of attitude in China.

They are still governed by dictators!

The people are still oppressed.

Rubbish!

It is not rubbish!

China is still an aggressive nation.

It is Western Imperialists who are aggressors.

China is still a free democracy.

Now who's talking rubbish?

You are!

If you don't like it over here go back to where you came from.

Don't speak like that to my friend!

You are ignorant capitalist lacky, you are!

Now calm down!

If you wasn't a lady, I'd thump you!

I have news for you.

I am no lady.

You see it was political act of self-defense.

Not our fault.

You may stand down.

Who's next?

Mr. Giovanni Capello and Ms. Favre.

Take the book in your right hand,

and read what's on the card.

Not likely.

I not to swear on a Protestant bible.

We are Catholics!

I swear by the pope.

Give him a Catholic Bible.

Hockey cockey.

I promise I'm going to tell all of the truth.

Me too.

Carry on.

Your honor, it's like this--

Mr. Brown ask us to visit television studios to see how

television programs are made.

Aye!

Yes?

Where do you think you're going?

We're going to have a look around.

You're not allowed in here without a pass.

But I'm sure you can look the other way.

Rules are made to be broken, no?

Not by me, no.

But it's for homework!

Sorry.

Hey!

What's that down there?

Where?

Hey!

What do we do now?

We have the look around.

Don't worry.

Nobody is going to find us here.

Santa Maria!

Quick!

In here.

Good afternoon and welcome to another edition

of World of Sport.

This afternoon in our search for sporting action.

Excuse me.

But which way do we go?

Do you mind?

I'm on air.

Hey, I've seen you someplace before.

You don't awful look like that David Dickey.

That's right.

Look, I am Dickey Davis and I'm trying to do a program.

I'm very sorry about that, but when the program is live,

anything can happen. As I was saying--

Here, David.

Can I have your autograph please?

Thank you very much.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome.

My first guess tonight has been across the Atlantic

especially to be with us.

I think perhaps it's best--

Hey, I know you.

It's Michael Parkington.

No, it's not.

It's Iman Andrews.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, my god!

Its Mr. Brown's fault!

Not mine!

Your honor, I rest my bag.

No.

No.

No, Giovanni, you rest your case.

OK, cocky. I rest my bag and my case!

Silence!

And there's far too much levity in this courtroom.

We will now take a short break, and when we come back

I shall hope for a little more respect.

Otherwise, the court will be clear!

Can we have the next defendants, please.

Mr. Sing and Mrs. Ranja.

What do you swear on?

I never swear!

It's against my religion.

He is be mean swear on holy book.

1,000 apologies.

I'm swearing by the.

No, I am be sweared by Almighty God.

I am be sweared to tell the absolute truth and nothing

but the absolute truth.

Carry on.

Master G is ask us for our homework to be

take boat on river Thames.

And we comply.

When the weather is fine and you know

it's a sign for messing around on the river.

If you take my advice, there's nothing so nice--

Why, now, it's very simple.

It's forward to go forward, and backwards to go backwards.

What

About if you want to go sideways.

I think I'll be sea sick.

You really want to ride this boat?

Most definitely.

All right.

Switch on.

I'll cast off.

Don't put it in gear until I tell you to.

Wee!

Oh!

Please be getting out of the way!

--so I'll leave you right now.

of messing around on the river.

It's a wonder the boat didn't sink.

It did.

Stand down.

Oh--

Who's next?

Mr. up.

Take the book in your right hand and read

what's on the card.

Por favor.

tell the truth.

Si, si,si.

I tell you what happened.

No, no. I tell.

No, no, no, no, no. I speak good, better English.

No, I speak better English than you speak better English.

Tell the court what happened, Mr. Cervantes.

Si, senora.

Mr. Brown, he tell us to go and see the works watch.

Wax work.

Shh!

She say I tell.

Not you.

OK.

So we go to Madame Tussauds.

Hey, I tell you to.

You take the photo of me with the British Royal Family.

OK, which way we go?

We ask.

Where we find.

We want the queen.

Hey, what's the matter?

You deaf?

He's a wax man.

Looks like a real man.

Hey, look. Here's another.

He don't look very nice.

He looks like a dummy.

How they get.

He's a speaking dummy.

Can I help you gentleman?

Yeah, you're a real man.

Yes, including the mustache.

And we are looking for the royal family.

I'm going to have the picture taken with the queen.

Arm-in-arm.

Members of the public are not allowed to touch the exhibits.

It's all right.

We no tell nobody.

Thank you very much.

Unfortunately, you are too late.

We are about to close.

You will find the exit that way.

We better go.

No, I want the picture with the queen and Prince Philip.

We go that way.

Ah, there they are.

I go front.

You take picture.

OK, but be quick.

Watch the bird.

I'll just check in here.

Come on you two.

That's all.

That's quite enough.

You may stand down.

Mr. Nadeem and Ms. Schmidt.

I swear by Almighty God that the evidence I shall give

shall be the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth.

And what about you?

Oh, blimey.

I'm also swearing but by the holy Koran.

Oh Yes.

Proceed, please.

Jolly good.

Teacher is tolding us to be visiting--

I am not tolding you anything, Ali.

Oh, yes, please.

I was being there when you were tolding us.

There's no such word as tolding.

Teacher is right.

Thank you, Anna.

Mr. Brown telled us.

The past participle of the verb to tell, is told!

Mr. Brown, may I remind you that you

are not here to teach English.

Yes, Ms. Courtney.

Sorry, your honor.

Carry on, Mr. Nadeem.

Jolly good.

Mr. Brown told us to be visiting the zoo.

We saw all the animals, and on the way out,

Ali decided he wanted to ride on the elephant.

See the Elephant with a long trunk swinging.

The great big ears and the long trunk swinging.

Sniffing up the peanuts and a long trunk swinging.

You can stay all day.

We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo--

Excuse me, please.

We are wanting to have a ride on elephant.

Hot cheese.

Would you like a turkey dog?

What?

You were saying your cheese is hard so I'm offering

you my dog.

Why don't we start again.

We would like to ride on the elephant.

Well, you can't.

Why not?

You are not allowed on the elephant without a keeper.

We are wanting to be riding on elephant not the keeper.

back.

I've no idea.

You go for keeper?

No, I go for pint.

You can come to, to too, we're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo.

Hello! Hello!

Hello!

Oh, it is an Indian elephant.

How do you know that?

It has bigger head and longer nose.

Oh, blimey!

It is pinching my hot dog!

Hey,

What are you doing?

We are going to be riding on elephant.

- No, we wait for keeper. - Don't worry.

I know everything about elephant.

Please be getting up.

It may be dangerous!

Oh, no.

Indian elephants are most peaceful people.

We are only going to be sitting.

Climb, please.

Come, Ali.

We're way high! - Oh, yes.

When I was being a little boy in Delhi I used to ride a little.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yes.

To be going on left side, you're pulling left ear.

Yeah.

If you're going on the rightwards,

you're pulling right here, and to be stopping you're

pulling both ears.

What about starting?

To be starting you bang on head.

Speak, Ali.

Help!

What happened to elephant?

It went for a bath in the lake.

Unfortunately we're still sitting on it.

You may stand down.

Mr. Brown, have you anything to say before I give judgment?

Yes, Ms. Courtney-- yes, your honor.

I beg the court to show clemency in this case.

These poor, unfortunate people are guests in our country.

They have journeyed from their native lands

to our shores to learn our mother tongue?

Why?

Because they admire our English way of life

with its long tradition of hospitality,

free speech, justice, and above all fair play.

They have committed no offense in their eyes.

They were merely carrying out their duties

as they saw them, but only have to look at them to see

that they are not criminals.

I'm sure the court will find them innocent.

If anyone is guilty it is I.

Thank you, Petrocelli.

Having regard to your impassioned plea for mercy.

The court tends to agree with your remarks.

The accused are more misguided than mischievous.

Therefore the court finds the defendants not guilty.

However, the court agrees with Mr. Brown,

that if anyone is guilty he is.

To have sent out these poor, unfortunate

students on such foolhardy errands

is highly irresponsible.

Need it a pity that the court cannot punish you,

but be warned Mr. Brown.

If you ever come before this bench

again, for whatever reason you will be severely dealt with.

The court will adjourn.

Hey, professor you want to go for a drink?

Oh, no thanks.

I'm driving.

Is this your car, sir?

Yes.

Having trouble with your memory are you, sir?

Pardon?

Your road tax disk has run out, sir.

Oh, well I'm sure I've applied for it.

What's going on, Constable Jones?

Another tax dodger madam.

Well, while you're at it, Constable, why don't you

check his lights and his tires.

And how about his insurance?

I shall be seeing him again tomorrow.