Original subtitles

There you are, love.

Thank you.

Sugar is on the table.

Give us a cup of tea, Glad.

Oh, one of these days, Sid, you'll actually buy one.

And I'll drop down dead with shock.

- Buy one? - Yes.

Tea is-- is free.

It's one of the perks that goes with this job.

Oh?

Are you off for a bit of a touch?

I beg your pardon?

I'm talking about money.

I-- I-- I'm.

You-- you're always skint, Sid.

I'm sorry, no.

Oh.

Hello, lads.

Hello, Sid.

Ah, how are you, my old Japan?

Japan?

My old Japan, your rhyming slang, meaning friend.

Not Japan, you mean China--

the old China plate, me mate.

Jolly good.

I don't suppose any of you boys could--

No, Sid.

It's only till payday.

No understand.

Sorry, please.

- It's all right. - Yeah.

Gladys, give us that packet of cards from under the counter,

will you?

I'm going to get some money somehow.

Well, what are you going to do?

Play a little game of find the lady.

Oh.

Nobody might want to play.

Oh, they'll have to play when I give them the old come on.

Come on what?

Yeah, well, you know I've only got a quid till payday.

Yeah.

Well, if I let somebody win that, they can't stop.

It never fails.

Now all I've got to do now is find a mug.

Coffee, please.

Hello, mug-- uh, uh, uh, Max.

Max, sir, would you, uh--

No, Sid.

No, no, I'm not trying to trap you.

I thought perhaps you might like a game of cards.

I don't like to gamble.

Oh, don't be silly.

It's only for a bit of fun. Come on.

Sit down.

Enjoy yourself.

This is called Find the Lady.

See, now, the lady is a queen.

Now there's the queen, and there's the other two cards.

Now what I do is I shuffle them about,

and the object is to see if my eyes can deceive your eyes.

The quickness of my hands deceives your eyes.

OK, where is it?

There.

Oh, you're right.

You are very good.

You have good, sharp eyes, haven't you?

Sure, I have.

Do you want to have another go?

Yes?

Here, where is it?

This one.

Oh, twice on the turn.

Hey, you are very, very good, aren't you?

Pretty smart, eh?

Nobody's ever beat me twice.

Tell you what.

If you'd have been playing for money,

you'd have won 2 quid now.

2 quids?

Yeah, do you want to go again?

OK.

Right.

Only this time, I've got a pound.

I thought you said you don't bet.

My father, he teach me two rules of gambling.

First rule, always bet on a certainty.

You want this pound?

Oh, oh, yes, I'll have a little game with that.

Yes, why not?

Now then, here's the queen.

There's the cards.

Ho-pa, where is it?

This is the lady.

Well, three times on the trot.

That's fantastic.

Hey, I like this game, Sid.

Do you like it?

Yeah.

Good, double or quits?

Quits.

I don't want to play anymore.

But you can't do that.

The second rule my father tell me, always

quit when you're winning.

Good evening, please.

Ah, Ranjeet, you're late.

I thought you weren't coming.

You've missed the first half of the session.

A thousand apologies, but I am falling

asleep on the underground tube.

I am going right past my getting off stop and not

waking up until Cockiefosters.

Cockfosters.

Perhaps you are working too hard.

I am working three times too hard.

What do you mean?

Well, my proper job is working on the underground railway

tube, and I am working the early morning shaft.

You mean shift.

Yes, correct, I am working from 6 o'clock morning time

until 2 o'clock afternoon time.

Then I am doing other job for garage,

pumping the petrol until 6 o'clock evening time.

Well, even allowing for the time you spend here,

you could still have eight hours sleep.

Oh, no, when I am leaving here,

I am working in public house until after midnight.

I think you're overdoing it, Ranjeet.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

This Jack, is he having three jobs also?

No, it's just a saying. Look.

Why are you working so hard?

I am saving up for the airplane.

Ah, you want to buy an aeroplane?

No, no, just a ticket to Punjab.

Ah, are you thinking of leaving us, Ranjeet?

Only for one week, my mother is

being 60 years old this week.

So I am giving her the big surprise of myself.

I am now having the money for the airplane

ticket, 230 English pounds.

That's a lot of money to carry around, Ranjeet.

You could be mugged on your way home.

You are speaking absolute wisdom.

Here, you keep for me.

Me?

Most certainly, then if I am being mugged,

the mugger man will not find money.

No, it's too big a responsibility.

Please?

You keep for me until tomorrow.

Then I buy ticket.

Oh, very well.

Thousand thank you.

Right, come along, everyone.

We've got a lot of work to get through.

Good, quickly now, come on.

Right, now, for the rest of this evening,

we are going to have a debate.

Can anybody tell me what the word debate means?

And I don't want to hear anyone say,

"de bait is what you put on the fishing line."

Anybody tell me what a debate is?

Come along.

Su Lee, what is parliament noted for?

Corrupt politicians who make laws

to oppress working classes.

Yeah, agreed, well, that's what we call debating.

Quite simply, it means to discuss

or dispute a given subject.

And that's what we are going to do, all right?

Do you understand what we're talking about, Zoltan?

We're going to have a debate, an argument.

Ah, a fight.

No, no, no, no, not with fists, with mouth.

Ah, kriss.

What?

No, no, no, not kiss, with words, look.

Just do your best to follow us, all right?

Right, now the first thing we need to do

is find somebody to chair the debate.

I'm good at that.

Have you done it before?

Sure, every Saturday, I go to chair my football team.

I'm talking about chair not cheer.

Scusi.

Right, well, I shall be the chairman.

Now what subject would you like to debate?

Girls.

Girls is not a subject.

Subjects for debates are usually in the form of questions.

For example, uh, should men and women

have equal pay for equal work?

Should capital punishment be brought back?

Should Enoch Powell be deported?

Yes, that's the general idea.

Right, now for our debate, I think we'll

take the subject of television.

Is television a good or bad influence

on the community, all right?

Now we need two proposers and two opposers,

in other words, two to people to speak for good and two for bad.

Juan, how about you?

Por favor?

Good or bad?

Uh, sometimes, I am good.

Sometimes, I am bad.

Not, uh, not talking about you personally,

Juan, do you think television is good?

Uh, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Make your mind up, Juan.

In a debate, you can't sit on the fence.

I am not sitting on fence, sitting.

Look.

Forget I asked.

Why, what you ask me?

Forget it.

How can I forget it if I don't remember?

Never mind.

It's all right.

All right, Taro, you can be the first proposer.

Ah, so.

Now we need a lady.

Uh, Jamila, you can be the second proposer.

Si.

Now to opposers, uh, Ali, how about you?

Yes, please.

And, uh, Danielle?

Am I good or bad?

Bad.

Oh, I like being bad because when I'm bad, I'm really good.

And we'll just remember we are talking about television.

Right, now pay attention, everyone.

Taro will speak first with the proposition

that television is good for the community.

Go ahead, Taro.

Ah, so, television is very good for everyone.

More people watcho.

More people buyo.

Ando Japano make besto televisiono.

Japano make besto everything--

carso, cameras, radioso, cassetto.

Thank you, Taro.

Just remember, you are speaking about television, not

doing a commercial for Japan.

Ah, so.

Televisiono is good for teaching.

I learno many English words from televisiono,

like, uh, what a gaya day.

Also don't forgeto fruito gumso mamo.

Thank you, Taro.

Right, uh, Danielle, would you, uh, present your case

against television, OK?

Oui, I think television is very bad because it

makes people stay up at night instead

of going to bed to make love.

Not everybody wants to go to bed to make love.

Why not?

That's right.

Sometimes, it's much better to make love outside.

In Sweden, we make love everywhere.

Well, I think we are getting--

everywhere?

Getting off the subject, now come along.

Make love much better proposition than television.

Come on.

Stick to the point, please, Danielle.

Uh, I think television is very bad for the eyes.

Yes, and also for the legs.

Legs?

Si, my brother, Miguel, he has bad legs from his television.

Juan, how can your brother possibly have

bad leg from his television?

He dropped it on his foot.

I shouldn't have asked. Should I have?

Carry on, Danielle.

I cannot think of any more to say after this.

All right, well, uh, Jamila, would you

like to present your case for the good of television?

Gee.

I am like very much the television.

The television make people most happy with good, good programs

like "Carnation Street."

"Coronation Street."

Ah, and last week, I am watch "This Week."

How can you be watching this week last week?

"This Week" is the name of a program, Ranjeet.

Thousand apologies.

And also television is big free.

You have to buy the license.

What license?

Haven't you got a television license?

No.

No need license.

I'm sorry, Jamilla, but you do.

- No. - Look.

It's an offense not to have one.

If the detector van comes around,

you could be heavily fined.

No.

Look.

Don't argue, Jamila. It's the law.

Not for me.

Why not for you?

No have television set.

Watch next door, they have license.

Thank you, Jamila.

Right, Ali, your turn.

Uh, jolly good.

I am thinking television is very bad because it is showing

too much of the violence.

Good point.

Thank you.

Last night, I am seeing somebody being drowned,

then shot, and then had their heads chopped off.

What was that, "The Professionals"

or "Starsky and Hutch?"

"Tom and Jerry."

Excuse me, Mr. Brown.

Can you spare a moment?

Uh, just a moment, Ms. Courtney.

We're right in the middle of a very interesting debate.

Could you wait just a minute?

Certainly not.

Very well, right, Giovanni, out here.

Certainly, sir.

Would you take the chair?

Sure.

Where do you want me to take it?

No, I mean, will you chair the debate?

Scusi.

Right, let Ali finish, and then, uh, throw it open.

Give everybody a say. Then take a vote.

And if I'm still not back by then, you can dismiss the class

and go home. - OK.

OK, you heard what professori say.

Ali is to finish.

We have to talk.

We have to vote.

And then we go home, OK?

It's all right.

Yeah.

- You finished, Ali? - No, I haven't.

I was--

You finished.

Anybody want to talk?

No.

Na.

OK, we take the vote.

Everybody think TV is OK, put up the hands.

Everybody think TV is not OK, put up the hands.

Oh, we call it a draw.

Class dismissed.

Going somewhere?

Would you care to go for a drink, Ms. Courtney?

No, thank you, Mr. Brown.

I want to get to the post office in time to catch the last post.

Ah.

Oh, I wonder, would you post a letter for me?

Yes, certainly.

Uh, that's the one.

Ah, goodnight then, Mr. Brown.

Goodnight.

Well, that's another day over, Sid.

Yeah, worse luck.

Oh, I'm always glad to get home.

You wouldn't say that if you was living with my missus.

Go away.

Oh, hello.

What's the matter?

Here, it's full of bees and honey.

I wonder whose it is?

I know whose it is now.

Oh, don't you think you ought to take

it in to the police station?

Don't be Piccadilly, Gladys.

Finders is keepers.

Oh, Sid.

Enter.

Ah, Mr. Brown.

Hush.

Don't you hush me.

Ms. Courtney, I am in terrible trouble.

You certainly are. You're 10 minutes late.

No, no, no, worse than that, I've

lost 230 pounds that Ranjeet gave me to look after.

And how on Earth did you manage to do that?

I have no idea.

It must have fallen out of my pocket.

I've looked everywhere.

I went to the police station to ask if anyone had handed it in.

They just laughed.

And what am I going to tell Ranjeet?

The truth, Mr. Brown, you had better do it in private.

You can use my office.

I will send him to you.

I suppose the direct approach will be best.

Ranjeet, I have lost your money.

Oh, no, no, I can't do that.

It's too harsh.

Got to soften the blow a bit.

Ranjeet, come in.

Uh, have a seat.

Would you like a cup of tea?

No, no, Ranjeet, I have something to tell you.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Oh, no, I am standing.

Oh, uh, Ranjeet, come here.

Sit down.

Have a cup of tea.

- There isn't any tea. - Ah, well, I'll--

I'll get you one.

Ms. Courtney said you have something to tell me.

Yes, Ranjeet, I am human.

An-- and you are human, and human beings are fallible.

I mean, I'm fallible, and you're fallible.

No, I am Punjabi.

No, no, no, what I'm trying to say, Ranjeet, is,

well, I have lost your money.

Did you hear me?

The-- the money you saved up to go and visit your mother, well,

I-- I've lost it.

Ranjeet.

I'm sorry, Ranjeet.

Good evening.

Hello, Sid.

What's the matter?

You look as if you lost 100 pound and found 10p.

There's many a true word spoken in jest.

Oh, come on. Cheer up.

Have a cigar.

No, thanks.

It can't be as bad as all that.

It's worse.

Why, look at me yesterday.

I didn't have 8p.

Today, I could have a tenner lost and take no notice.

You couldn't lend me 230 pounds, could you?

No chance.

Oh.

That's all there was in the envelope.

What envelope?

The envelope I found outside the school.

You thief, Sidney.

What are you talking about?

That was Ranjeet's money.

Have you still got it?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Why didn't you hand it in?

Hey, hey, wait.

What are you doing?

Ranjeet, we found your money.

Oh, praise be to the holy guru.

I will be able to be seeing my mother.

Oh, she'll be so happy to be seeing me.

There's only 130 pounds in here.

That's right.

Well, where's the other 100?

Well, here it is here.

What is that?

That's a betting slip.

I bet 100 pound on Rainbow's End in the 6:15

at the night race at Windsor.

6:15, we can still make that.

Come on, everybody, quickly, quickly.

Mr. Brown, what is going on?

Ah, we're just taking an early tea

break, um, in the betting shop.

The--

The 6:15 at Windsor, the horses

are lining up for the start.

And they're off.

Come on, Rainbow's End.

And right away, it's Ernie's Boy

in the lead, followed by Deb's Delight,

Golden Wonder, and Skylark.

Then comes Southern Peacock and Slim Line.

Where is Rainbow's End?

And bringing up the rear is Rainbow's End.

And that's the order at the bend.

But Deb's Delight closing a little

and Skylark now overtaking Golden Wonder.

Southern Peacock is dropping back.

And who is this coming through on the inside?

- Rainbow's End? - Slim Line.

And then they're coming to the straight.

It's still Ernie's Boy, Deb's Delight, and Skylark.

And here's Rainbow's End, making a run on the outside.

And with four furlongs to go, it's

Ernie's Boy, Deb's Delight, and Rainbow's End

now in third place. - Oh, my God.

Ernie's Boy is pulling away slightly,

but Rainbow's End has overtaken.

Come on.

Deb's Delight is challenging strongly.

Two furlongs to go, and Rainbow's End

is gaining on Ernie's Boy.

They're neck and neck as they come to the post.

And at the finish, it's Rainbow's End.

How much are we winning?

Well, at 5 to 2, that's 250 quid.

That's 100 pound for you and the rest for me.

- What? - Yeah, come on.

Let's go draw it.

Oh, one moment.

There's a steward's inquiry.

The red flag has gone up.

Oh, blimey, it is a Russian horse.

today, Rainbow's End has

been disqualified for bumping--

--and places last.

We are losing.

And I will never be visiting my mother.

Oh, poor Ranjeet, he was so much looking

forward to seeing his mother.

He will see his mother.

But Master G, he was going to be catch plane on Saturday.

How will he be get 100 pounds before then?

We'll get it for him, even if we have

to beg, borrow, or steal it.

Yes.

That's right.

--four wives and 16 children.

Please.

Please.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

You want photograph?

Very cheap, 3 for 100.

Oh.

Buy pretty flowers for your pretty wife?

No, thanks.

You want to buy flowers for pretty wife?

Oh, no, thanks, duckie.

Get your salami sandwiches from here.

All made from French bread.

Shoe shinny, shoe shinny, 20 p's.

Come on, shoe shinny.

Have your fortunes told by Madam Jamila.

Come on, young man.

Would you like to get your fortune told?

Now sit down, there.

Madam Jamila, tell this young man's fortune.

Please to cross my palm with 50p.

See? Now you know.

Here we go. Here we go.

Where's the lady? - It's that one.

Picked up on there.

That is not the lady.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

That's the lady there.

I'll do it once more for you to show you that you can be wrong.

You can't be wrong all the time.

Balloon

25p ein balloon.

Yeah, yeah.

So there's one for you.

Ah, Mr. Brown, please hold.

Please hold.

Oh, all right, yes.

Mr. Brown, come back.

Ah, good evening, Ms. Courtney.

Good evening, Mr. Brown.

I hear you managed to raise money for Mr. Singh's fare.

Yes, he'll be at the airport now.

How is he going, by plane or balloon?

Oh, you heard about that.

Yes.

If that caretaker hadn't been on the roof to catch my legs,

heaven knows where I'd be now.

Where you usually are, Mr. Brown, with your head

in the clouds.

Good evening, class.

Well, firstly, may I say thank you for all your efforts

yesterday to help raise the fare for Ranjeet?

No, no, it was a remarkable effort, which is more than I

can say for your homework.

I am not happy with your answers.

And we are also not happy with the questions.

Hey, I've got an idea.

You're not happy.

We are not happy.

So if you not give us any homework, we both be happy.

Okey dokey?

Silence.

Look.

In the future, you will be given extra homework,

and I hope that I see some improvement.

Some of you were just simply not trying.

For example, Max, the opposite of antimeridian

is not unclemeridian, but postmeridian.

OK.

I don't know what you're laughing about, Giovanni.

Your answer to the question "write a sentence using

a metaphor" was unbelievable.

But I did write a sentence using a metaphor.

Oh, yes, last night, I phoned my girlfriend,

and I met-her-for a drink.

Ali.

Yes, please.

For your information, a polygon

is a term used to describe a figure with angles and sides

and has nothing whatsoever to do with a disappearing parrot.

Mr. Brown, this lady wants to have a word with you.

Ah, a new pupil, would you like to sit over there?

No sit, look for Ranjeet.

Oh, well, I'm afraid he's not here.

He's gone over this weekend to visit his mother

as a surprise for her birthday.

That is terrible.

Why? What's the matter?

I am his mother.

You're his mother?

I came over for my birthday to surprise Ranjeet.

You're his mother?

Oh, you must have crossed en route.