Original subtitles

Oh hello, is that Parker's?

Look, I'm going fishing this weekend,

and I shall need some more bait.

No, only on the Thames.

The maggots will do.

I'll send someone round to collect them.

Oh, by the way, those trout flies I bought from you,

have been very successful, especially the coch-y-bondhu--

seems to attract the trout like a magnet.

Yes, well, thank you again.

Bye.

Excuse me?

Ah.

- ooh, ooh. - You startled me.

Do you mind knocking before you barge in?

Sorry.

Is that better?

I've lost it.

Lost what?

I have lost my favorite fly.

I had in my hand a moment ago. I must have dropped it.

Can you see it anywhere?

What does it look like?

Well, it's about two inches long, red and black,

and it's got a curly tale.

That's-- bet you it's flown out the window.

It is a fishing fly-- a coch-y-bondhu.

A cocky-what?

Bondhu.

Oh.

It has to be here somewhere.

Oh well, if it's here, we'll find it.

Ah.

Well, perhaps I should come back later?

Ah, Mr. Brown you can join in.

Well, I'm not really that religious, actually.

We are looking for a fly.

A fly?

Oh, yes.

It's a uh-- two inches long, brown, red, and black,

and uh-- got a curly tail.

Sounds quite lethal.

Would you mind helping us look for it.

Oh, not at all.

Top Oh, I found it.

Where?

It's here, just under the desk.

Oh, I'll get it.

No, stand back Sid.

You leave this to me.

What are you doing Mr. Brown?

Stay where you are Miss Courtney.

This could be dangerous.

Yeah, that's right.

It's not moving now.

Mr. Brown?

Uh-- just a minute.

Better to be safe than sorry.

Ah.

There.

Oh, I just remembered, I haven't inspected the boilers.

Have you quite finished, Mr. Brown?

Or would you like to borrow a hammer?

You can't be too careful were strange insects are concerned.

Do you have any idea where it came from?

Yes, W. Parker and Son.

Oh-- pardon?

Fishing tackle suppliers.

Oh, fishing-- it wasn't--

It was.

Oh, dear.

Got any glue?

I don't trout are very fond of glue.

No, I suppose they're not.

I'll buy you another.

Well, see that you do.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Speaking.

Pardon?

Is it you?

Is it really you?

It is you.

It's him.

What?

coming here?

You-- you-- well you're not coming here--

you are coming here.

He's coming here.

a half an hour.

You'll be here in a half an hour.

He'll be here in half an hour.

Until then.

You feeling all right?

That was him.

Yes, and he's coming here in half an hour.

But who is him? I mean, who's he?

Well, it's-- it's a man I never thought I'd see again--

my ex fianc e.

You mean you were actually engaged, at one time?

Well, there's no need to sound so surprised.

It was over 25 years ago.

I mean-- I mean I was just--

well, I was very young.

I met him at Oxford, in the high.

It was raining.

He offered me shelter under his umbrella.

And he insisted on buying me a cup of tea and a sticky bun.

How romantic.

Yes, it uh--

well that was how it all started.

- Why didn't you get married? - Oh, it was awful.

He left me.

At the church?

In a lurch.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I have never told anyone this before.

Well if you would you rather not--

No.

Sit down.

For years I have kept this terrible secret to myself.

Now he is coming back into my life again,

I feel I must tell someone.

And I think I can trust you, Mr. Brown.

Well I'd rather not if it's going

to cause any embarrassment. - Oh it won't embarrass me.

Yeah, but it might embarrass me.

No, I'm sure it won't.

Well anyway, he um--

asked me to go down to Brighton with him for one of those,

you know, weekends.

Oh, double room, Mr. and Mrs. Smith?

Exactly.

And you refused?

No, I went.

I even remember the hotel.

The Bella Vista, opposite the abattoir.

Very Bella Vista.

Well we booked in, and Albert, being the thoughtful man

he was, he let me go upstairs first to um--

prepare myself, as it were, whilst he

had a drinking in the bar.

Getting up a bit of Dutch courage, eh?

I beg your pardon?

Oh-- such a lovely person waiting to be um--

well, what happened then?

He didn't turn up.

He got drunk, passed out, and spend the night on a settee

in the resident's lounge.

How despicable.

Well I went home and I refused ever see him again.

I heard later, that he was working in the far east.

But I must admit, I have always cherished a secret hope that he

might one day come back.

Excuse me, please?

Yes, Ali, what is it?

Please, come quickly.

We are having plenty of trouble in the classroom.

Well what do you mean, trouble?

Maxi and Giovanni, they are murdering each other.

Come on then.

I'm ready when you are.

And I'm ready when you are.

Will you come on then?

OK.

Oh.

You going to be sorry.

We'll see who's going to be sorry.

OK Come on then.

I'm waiting for you to come on.

And I'm waiting for you to come on.

Come on, stop this brawling.

It's lucky for you, professor has stopped

me from giving you a black eye.

You're lucky I didn't break your nose.

I will not have fighting in the class.

Fighting?

It was more like dancing.

I was just warming up.

Yeah, me too.

What was all this about?

I tell you, professor.

He's calling me a Wop.

And he's calling me a grease ball.

Come on, everybody, sit down.

I wish you could pick up proper English as

quickly as you pick up slang.

I have enough trouble with Ali and Ranjeet.

Now don't you two start falling out.

Now shake hands, come on.

Right.

Now tonight, I want to concentrate

on English conversation-- the sort

of things that you have to say during the course of everyday.

All right?

For example, Ranjeet, where would you take a check?

Czekoslovakia.

Not that sort of check.

A check for a certain amount of money--

where would you take it? - To a bank.

Thank you.

All right. Juan--

Si, sen r?

If you felt ill, what would you do?

Go to bed.

Before that?

Uh-- take the clothes off.

You would go to the doctor's.

No, no doctor.

Doctor killed my uncle in Madrid.

Really?

Si.

My uncle, he has pain in the chest.

He goes see doctor.

Doctor he listen and say, it's all right.

10 minutes later, in the street, my uncle--

finite.

What-- a heart attack?

Motor car.

Well you can hardly blame the doctor for that.

Si.

The doctor, he was driving the motor car.

Um-- Taro?

Although weights are now metric in this country,

we still use an old system, which is known as what?

Sorry, not knowa.

Does anybody knowa-- uh-- know?

Avoirdupois.

Excellent.

Merci.

Does Avoirdupois ring a bell now, Taro?

Yes.

Avoirdupois is French for have you some piss off.

Come on, Taro, I don't believe you're that stupid.

Sorry, just a joke oh.

Ha!

Ha!

All right.

Good one.

In the future, kindly leave your jokes at home.

All right, Zoltan, I'm going to ask you a question.

- Yes, please. - Which shop--

Yes, shop, shop?

Yeah-- which shop would you go to, to buy a package

of cigarettes-- cigarettes?

Uh-- no shop.

Now come on, Zoltan, you must go to some sort of shop.

Zoltan-- no smoke.

Zoltan-- where you go for chewing gum.

Ah, mm.

Sweet shop.

Sweets?

Sveet.

Anna tells me sveet.

Uh--no-- sweet-- sweet.

Sweet or sveet-- what's the difference?

Well, the difference is Anna, that you must learn

to say were and not vuh-- were.

Vuh--were.

You nearly got it.

Try again.

Vuh-were?

Try saying voro without vuh.

Oh-uh

Almost.

Try again, but this time, don't say oh-uh, just wuh.

- Wuh. - Wuh.

Wonderful.

Wonderful

Uh-- Wednesday.

Wednesday.

A wet weekend in winter.

- Wet weekend in winter. - Very good.

Weary good.

Ali?

Yes, please?

Do you have a headache?

Oh no, sir.

Assume you have a headache.

Where would you go to get some aspirin?

Ah.

Tandoori Take-away.

No, Ali.

Yes, please.

My jolly good friend who was working there,

always had plenty aspirin.

I meant to buy some aspirin.

Why should I be buying them, when

I can be getting them for my friend for nothing at all.

All right, where do you go for aspirin when the Tandoori

Take-away is closed?

Oh blimey, Taj Majal Curry House.

Jamila, would you please tell Ali

where you go to get aspirin?

Oh, chemist.

Thank you.

Where are you going now?

To buy some aspirin for headache.

I thought you said you hadn't got a headache?

Blimey, I got one now.

Excuse me, Mr. Brown, the old dragon want's you.

Please, Sid, do be a bit more respectful, especially

in front of the students.

It's up to us to set a good example.

Oh, sorry.

Now, what does the old drag-- uh--

Miss Courtney want?

I've no idea, but I don't she's very well.

She actually smiled at me.

One day my prince will come.

Enter.

You feeling all right?

Yes, why?

You sounded as if you were in pain.

I was singing.

I am sorry to bring you away from your class, Mr. Brown,

but before you leave this evening,

would you mind checking that Sid's locked up properly.

Absolutely, so he should be.

I was referring to the building.

You see it is quite likely that I may be leaving early.

To think he's come back in my life after 25 years.

I think I need another sherry to settle my stomach.

Oh!

What's the matter?

He's here.

Look.

Where?

Down there.

Oh!

You stupid fool.

You have crowned my Albert.

Well I feel terrible.

I've got a splitting headache.

Well look, I'm sorry. It was an accident.

Look, this is Miss Courtney's office.

Oh, uh-- wait a minute.

Look, have you got somewhere where I could comb my hair

and brush myself down?

I must look presentable for our first meeting after 25 years.

Yes, of course.

Uh--straight down there on the right.

Thank you.

Enter.

Hello, darling.

What?

It's you.

Where's Albert?

You haven't pushed him down the stairs, have you?

No, no, no, he's just gone to comb his hair.

Well is he all right?

There's no damage, I hope.

I'm afraid there is, actually.

Oh dear, is it bad?

Well the plant pot's broken.

I was referring to Albert.

Oh, Albert-- no, no, no, he's-- he's fine.

I'll get it.

Darling-- oh, it's you.

Yes, uh-- this is darling-- uh--

Miss Courtney.

Albert.

Dolores.

Dolores?

Haven't you a class to attend to?

Yes, of course, darling--

Dolores-- excuse me.

Must've dropped a two p.

Must've rolled away somewhere.

Glad to see you're all working hard.

What are you studying, Ingrid?

How to improve your bust line-- very educational.

You can borrow it, if you wish to.

Uh-- no, thank you.

What's keeping you occupied, Juan?

"Girls Galore" Well, I'm sure there's

not much English in that.

No.

But fun, pretty pictures.

Zoltan?

"Gorgeous Chicks" Well, I'm sure that's

not about poultry farming.

never mind.

Anna?

"True Romances."

Max?

"Football Review."

Danielle?

"Toujour L'amour."

Don't the French ever think about anything

else other than love?

To the French, there is nothing else.

Giovanni? "L'amoureux"

In Italy, we're just like the French.

Ranjeet?

"Cartoon Capers."

I am reading all about Bugs the Bunny and Woody the pecker.

Ali?

"The World's Most Exotic Dishes."

I didn't know you were interested in cookery.

Oh blimey, when I am buying it,

I did not know it was about cookery.

Jamila?

"Knitting Made Easy."

Taro?

"The Confessions of a Geisha Girl."

Yes, well you might all learn English

much more quickly if you began by reading

a better class of literature.

And you're all obviously so keen to learn English,

I'll give you some extra homework tonight.

Ah MR. BROWN: Quiet.

Look, it's time you took these lessons seriously.

So before we break for tea, I'm going

to ask you each question and anyone

who gives an incorrect answer will be fined 10 p.

The money will go to charity.

Eh?

Who's this bird, Charity, you give our money to?

No, no, Giovanni, charity is not a bird.

It means, uh-- uh--

it means an organization-- a deserving cause.

Right. Juan--

Si, sen r?

Spell, quiet.

Por favor.

Quiet.

Ah, quiet.

shh.

No.

Spell, quiet.

Ah.

uh-- how much we pay

10p.

All right, Ingrid, give me an example of a preposition.

Um-- will you to dinner take me?

I said a preposition, not a proposition.

A preposition shows the relation between a noun

or pronoun and some other word.

A gift from Mary.

A house for sale.

A date with teacher?

Yes, all right.

I'll accept.

Oh good.

Tonight we'll go?

No, I mean that I will accept your answer.

Oh.

Now, Ranjeet, how do you pronounce the following--

B-O-U-G-H, C-O-U-G-H, and T-O-U-G-H?

You are trying to be getting me out.

And B-O-U-G-H?

Uh-- buff?

T-O-U-G-H?

Toph.

C-O-U-G-H?

Cow.

Three out of three wrong.

1,000 apologies.

All right, Giovanni, what is meant by vise versa?

On second thoughts, I won't ask you that.

What is a dipthong?

Is it like a dipstick?

What do you think?

I think, I owe you 10 p.

Yeah.

Ali, what does the term coup de gr ce mean?

And don't you dare say cutting your lawn.

I'm never hearing of it.

It's uh-- it means the final stroke.

It's French.

Oh blimey, I'm having enough worries learning the English.

It's in fairly common usage.

10 p, please.

Thank you.

Taro?

Ah so.

Decline the verb, to jump.

I jump oh.

You jump oh.

He jumps oh.

She jumps oh.

We jump oh.

They jump oh.

Very good, Taro, but you must try

not to end every word in oh.

OK?

OK oh.

Jamila, as oil is to water, so chalk is to--

Blacky board.

Cheese.

10 p, please.

I am not understand.

Well, it's a phrase that's in common usage.

They are as alike as chalk and cheese.

But Master chalk and cheese are not be alike.

Exactly, so it means they're not alike.

I am think it is easier to say they

are not be alike, than to be talking

about chalkys and cheesys.

Yes, well I admit, they do tend

to complicate our language.

Max, uh-- give me an example of a principle clause.

Santa Clause.

Just for that, Max, you can write out

20 times a clause is a sentence which

is part of a longer sentence.

OK.

Yeah, but not now. In your own time.

And you can give me 10 p.

Thank you.

Danielle-- as handsome as a prince, as ugly as--

A Swede.

As ugly as sin.

10 p.

It was worth it.

Anna, can you give me two different meanings of the word,

blow.

Yeah.

You can blow like so--

Or you can give somebody a blow.

Thank you, Anna.

All right, Zoltan?

Yes, please?

Can you give me the past tense of the verb, to see?

Uh--

See, saw--

Ah, see-saw, see-saw--

No, no, no, Zoltan.

Today, I see.

Yesterday, I saw.

Yeah, well it's not really fair to take one from you.

Oh I don't know, though.

All right, 80 p in three minutes.

At this rate, we'll soon have a small fortune.

Another cup of tea, Albert?

No thank you, Delores.

A dose of sherry, perhaps?

No.

I don't drink now.

I've given it up.

It's a-- it's a very bad habit.

Oh, you're so right.

I only keep it for visitors.

Oh dear.

Come on, Dolores think of something

a little more sparkling.

- I wonder-- - Yes.

Will you--

Oh, I will.

--pour me another cup of tea?

- Tea? - Yes, please.

But you said you didn't want anymore.

I've changed my mind.

Oh.

As a matter of fact, there is something else I want to ask.

Yes?

I know it may sound silly after all this time,

and not writing and everything, but I

never forgot you, Dolores.

Yes?

And I couldn't believe my good fortune when I discovered

that you hadn't married.

I never married either.

Didn't you?

No.

Would it be too much to expect-- - Oh, no.

- I mean, would you consider-- - Oh, yes.

I mean, will you marry me?

Oh, this is so sudden.

Oh Albert, my cup is overflowing.

So is mine.

Oh no,

Oh no, no, it doesn't matter.

Um-- what do you say, will you marry me?

Oh yes, please.

I'll get a special license and we can be married next week.

So soon?

Well, we've already wasted 25 years.

We don't want to waste any more,..

- Oh wait. - What's the matter?

No, we can't.

We'll have to wait.

You see, my money is tied up abroad,

and it will take several weeks to transfer it over here.

Oh that's all right. I have enough money.

Oh no, Delores, I couldn't have you paying

for the wedding, the reception, and the honeymoon,

and everything.

Oh, Albert, what is mine, is yours.

No, no, it wouldn't be right.

Oh, nonsense.

Don't be so proud.

Well, I'll tell you what I do.

I will use your money on the strict understanding

that I pay you back when mine comes through.

Oh, very well, if you insist.

I most definitely do.

Oh gosh, Albert, I'm so excited.

And so am I. Just a moment.

I-- I have a little, uh-- engagement.

I've got to meet a fellow down the road on some business.

It only takes a few minutes.

And then, I shall come back and take you to dinner

somewhere-- just the two of us.

That would be lovely.

Don't go away.

Mind where you're going.

Albert?

Everything all right, Sid?

Eh?

Everything all right?

I've just seen a fellow I haven't seen for years--

Albert Collins.

Oh Albert, Miss Courtney's boyfriend.

Never.

It is true.

He's a crook.

He's a con man.

Oh, you must be mistaken.

He's just come back from the far east.

He's been away for 20 years.

He's been away, all right, doing some porridge.

You mean he's been in prison?

He was in the nick with my brother-in-law.

He's in and out of there like a fiddler's elbow.

Do you know what his speciality is--

finding lonely women, asking them to marry him,

taking their life savings, and scarpering.

I'm getting married in the morning--

Enter. Ding dong, the bells are going to--

Uh-- Miss Courtney, I'm afraid I've got

some rather disturbing news.

Oh, nothing you could say to me today would disturb me,

Mr. Brown. - Well, I think this might.

It's about Albert.

Ah, Albert, my future husband.

You see, I've just been talking to Sid, and-- husband?

Yes, we're getting married by special license.

Oh, no.

Oh now, Mr. Brown, I know you're fond of me, but you

mustn't take

Has he tried to borrow any money from you?

Well I fail to see what business that is of yours.

He has.

Look, I hate to have to tell you, Miss Courtney,

but your future husband is a crook.

Don't be so impertinent.

It's true, I'm afraid. He's a con man.

He specializes in proposing to lonely women

and then taking their money. - Oh nonsense.

I don't believe it.

Well, ask Sid.

His brother-in-law was in prison with him.

Prison? Are you sure?

I'm afraid so.

Well perhaps he's reformed.

Oh come on.

You don't believe that, do you?

No.

I thought it was too good to be true.

He's coming back to take me out to dinner.

What should I do?

Don't worry, Miss Courtney.

I'll deal with him.

You just leave everything to me.

Ah, I've got a message for you, from Miss Courtney.

Oh, yes?

Push off.

What?

Look, I know all about your little game,

so I advise you to get lost quick before I throw you out.

You and who's army?

Me and this army.

Well, uh-- yeah--

yeah, well, um-- perhaps I had better be going.

It's all right, Miss Courtney.

He's gone.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Bro--

Oh.