Original subtitles

Ah, good evening, everyone.

Not all here yet, then, I see?

Ah, well, not to worry.

Ah, good evening, Giovanni.

Oh, Is not good anything.

Why, What's the matter?

I've got a terrible overhang.

The word is hangover.

Well, whatever it is, I've got it.

I drank too much vino at lunchtime.

Oh, it's fatal to drink at midday.

Oh, good evening, Max.

Oh, please, don't speak too loud.

I am thinking you have been also looking on the wine

too much.

That's the trouble.

He's not looking, he's drinking, like me.

Why did you drink so much?

It was the feast of my patron saint, St. Maximilian.

So we had a drink.

Then we drink to my patron, St. Giovanni.

Then we have a drink for my patriarch.

Then one for the Pope-- - Archimedes--

Leonardo da Vinci--

Madame Curie--

Sophia Loren--

And after that, I remember nothing.

Me neither.

You'd better go and sit down gently.

Excuse me, please.

Ah!

That way.

Ali, What are you doing?

I'm checking with my compass.

Checking what?

I wanting to find out where is Mecca.

Hey, I know where Mecca is.

It's a big dance place in Hammersmith.

Ah, you spaghetti head.

You are not understanding.

I'm explaining to you.

Tomorrow I'm having the honor of leading

the prayer in our holy mosque.

So tonight, I'm going to have a practice after the class.

Waste of time.

The Sikh religion is the true faith!

That's not true.

Catholic religion is true faith.

Roman Catholic--

What about Greek Orthodox?

What about Martin Luther?

Shinto.

Buddha.

Religion not true.

Only state is true.

Settle down, everyone.

Sit down.

Actually, you're all wrong.

According to the Bible, the original true faith

was the Jewish one.

- I don't believe it. - It's true.

It's Holy Writ.

Who writ it?

Holy Writ is the Bible.

Yeah, you can't believe everything

you read in the Bible. - No?

Why not?

Well, some of it's, how you say, fairy's tales.

You take that Adam and Eve.

Now, you're not going to tell me it

was only an apple he was after.

Yeah, I know what he was after.

I'm sure you do, but we won't pursue that.

You're here to improve your English,

not disprove the Bible.

Danielle is late this evening.

However, we'll carry on without her.

As you know, in a few weeks' time

you will all be taking your lower Cambridge,

so tonight I thought I'd give you an oral examination.

You are wanting to look at our tooths?

No, I mean that I'm to go 'round the class and ask you

all to give me some answers and hope

that I get some correct ones.

We are having a quiz.

Yes, sort of.

Like Mr. Mind.

Mastermind.

Yes, please.

Actually, that's not a bad idea, Ali.

Let's make it competitive.

We'll have a knockout competition.

You mean like the big punch?

Only verbally.

I'll go 'round the class and whoever

fails to answer a question correctly drops out, all right?

Now, where should we start?

Yes, Jamila.

I'll give you an easy one to start with.

What is the plural of goose?

Goose.

Yes, one goose, two--

Gooses?

She's knockered out.

Jamila, the plural of goose is geese.

- Oha, geese. - We won't count that.

Let's have another one.

Let me see.

What is the opposite of good?

Not good.

I would have preferred you to have said bad,

but we'll accept that.

All right.

Giovanni, what is an epistle?

That's easy.

An epistle is the wife of an apostle.

That's you out.

I'm wrong?

Yes.

An epistle is a letter.

Max, give me another word for forward.

Macdonald.

Macdonald?

Yeah, he plays forward for Arsenal.

I don't mean that kind of forward.

Another word for the moving forward.

Advance?

Advance, yes.

Good, well done.

Anna, another word for debunk.

Debed.

No, Anna, it means to ridicule.

Ali, correct the following sentence.

Last night, I am going to the cinema.

Last night I am not going to the cinema.

Wrong.

It is not wrong, because last night

I'm not going anywhere at all.

You should've said, last night I went to the cinema.

But I'm telling you, I didn't went.

It doesn't matter whether you did or didn't.

You're out, all right?

I'm sorry I'm so late, Mr. Brown.

That's all right, Danielle.

Were you held up by the traffic?

No, I was held up by a man.

Heavens!

You mean a mugger?

I do not know his name.

But he works as a woodwork teacher here in the school.

One of the teachers here tried to rob you?

- No, not rob me. - Oh.

Well, surely not--

He was trying to chat me up.

Oh, I see.

He wanted to take me out.

You want I give him a bunch of fivers?

He is bigger than you, Max.

Everybody's bigger than Max.

Hey!

Watch what you're saying, huh?

Listen, Nana Mouskouri, you don't frighten me.

OK, come outside.

All right, settle down, you two.

Come on. Don't worry about it, Danielle.

I'm sure that this woodwork teacher, whatever his name is,

was only trying to be friendly.

But he was trying to be more than friendly.

He would not let me go past until I

agreed to have dinner with him.

He does seem to have been rather persistent.

Then, eureka.

I have heard you say a brainwash.

Wave.

Yes.

I tell him I cannot go with him because I

am engaged to be married.

Very good.

Quick thinking.

There's only one problem.

What was that?

I tell him I'm engaged to be married to you.

To me?

Yes.

It was a good idea, yes?

It was a good idea, no Did anybody overhear you?

Only Gladys.

Oh, great.

That's worse than putting it on the news at 10:00.

It'll be all over the school by now.

You said Mr. Brown is engaged to his French student?

That's right.

I heard her tell Mr. Jarvis in the tea room.

This is absolutely disgraceful.

I think he might have had the decency to tell me first.

Tell you?

Yes.

It's most inconsiderate.

Oh, dear.

I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Didn't know what?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing.

I must be getting back.

Oh, Gladys, did you say anything to Miss

Courtney about Danielle and me?

Only in passing.

Oh, great.

I'd better go and check it.

I didn't mean any harm.

I'd no idea she felt that way.

What way?

About you.

What are you talking about?

Oh, unrequited love.

Pardon?

You and her ladyship.

She fancies you.

Don't be ridiculous.

Oh, it's true.

Oh, she was very upset when she heard about you and Danielle.

Gladys, I don't know where you've

got this ridiculous story from, but you

are completely mistaken.

Oh, no, I'm not.

I heard her.

You mean she told you that she fancied me?

Well, not in so many words, but I knew.

It was written all over her face.

I can't believe it.

Yes.

It's not unusual, though.

Oh, lots of older women fall for younger men.

My sister ran off with the 30-year-old milkman.

Really?

How old was your sister?

65.

Miss Courtney's always given me the impression

that she didn't like me.

Oh, well, women are very funny.

And she's at a funny age.

You can say that again.

Well, the best of luck.

Thank you.

Come to think of it, you're not far off it, yourself.

Enter.

Miss Courtney--

Well, well, if it isn't the college Casanova.

Yes, well, I've come to explain about that.

Are you sure you can spare the time?

It's a complete misunderstanding.

You see, I'm not really engaged to Danielle.

She only said that to stop one of the teachers

from pestering her. - Really.

It's perfectly true.

The chap who teaches the woodwork class

was trying to chat her up.

Mr. Jarvis.

Is that his name?

I've never met him.

Anyway, she concocted the whole thing just to get out

of an embarrassing situation.

I see.

I'm terribly sorry, especially in view of, well--

In view of what?

Well, I hardly like to mention it.

Well, you have mentioned it, so you may as well continue.

Let me say right away that it's a perfectly

natural thing to happen.

What is?

Well, for one person to be attracted

to another despite a difference in their ages.

To what two persons are you referring?

Well, you and I.

You and I?

Yes.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I had no idea you felt like that about me.

Pardon?

As you said yourself, it's perfectly natural.

Oh, you poor dear boy.

No, Miss Courtney, you don't understand.

Oh, but I do.

Men have always found me rather fascinating.

I'm sure they have, but let me explain, you see--

Now, there is no need to apologize for the way you feel.

Yes, but I--

Of course, it's out of the question.

But Miss Courtney, please--

Now, don't start groveling.

You'll get over it.

Yes, I suppose I will.

And now I suggest you go and squash this foolish rumor about

you and your French fianc e.

Right, I'll do that.

Thank you.

And Mr. Brown?

Yes, Miss Courtney?

Don't worry about this awkward little affair.

I shan't tell a soul.

Your secret is safe with me.

You're very kind.

Poor fellow.

Danielle, give us a kiss, come on.

Mr. Brown!

Danielle, why aren't you in the classroom?

I'm trying to explain to Mr. Jarvis what

I said between us is not true.

Ah, it's every man for himself, is it, Brown?

Look, I'd appreciate it, Mr. Jarvis,

if you stopped pestering my students, if you don't mind.

A bit sensitive, are we?

A touch of the green eye, is it?

Certainly not.

Well, then.

As they say in this lovely lady's land, ferme la bouche.

Shut your gob.

Don't you speak to Mr. Brown like this.

He will be angry with you.

Oh, really?

He is not frightened of you.

Oh, aren't you?

Well, I--

No, he's not.

And if you're not careful, he will hit you.

- Danielle. - He couldn't hit a fly.

Look, Jarvis, I'm not in the slightest bit--

And he is ready whenever you are.

Right.

Tonight, after class, in the yard.

We'll have a punchup.

Yeah, but--

Hello, Mr. Brown.

Thanks, Sid.

Fancy drop of tiddly?

Hm?

- A tiddly wink. - Tiddly wink?

- A drink. - Oh, a drink.

A drop of Jack na dandy.

Jack na dandy?

Drop of brandy.

Oh.

Get these for the big fight.

No, thanks.

Please yourself.

I suppose it's all over the school?

Ah, the news has got around.

Hey, listen, I could give you a few tips, you know.

Tips?

Yeah, I used to read them right.

- Fight? - You've got it.

You've got it.

Listen, I'll tell you what you do.

You put your hands up like that.

You stand and you start weaving.

All of a sudden, you do the old alley shuffle.

And then a one-two!

Oy!

Sorry.

Actually, I feel rather nervous.

Oh, it's your naladin, isn't it?

- Naladin? - Yeah.

Adrenaline?

Oh, well you should know.

You should be all right once you beat him a couple of times.

It's him hitting me that's worrying me.

Perhaps if I had a quiet word with him,

he might forget the whole thing.

Listen, you can't back out now.

There's a principle involved.

Well, let her fight Mr. Jarvis.

They're more evenly matched. - Yeah, but listen.

It's a point of honor.

You mustn't let Mr. Jarvis know you're frightened of him.

I think he knows already.

Oh, well.

I'll see you later.

Don't forget the old one-two.

Right, right, thanks.

Professore--

- Hello, Giovanni. - This fight.

What about it?

Well, we show you how to win.

When you get in the ring, first you smash him in the stomach.

And when his head comes down, you knee him under the chin.

No, no, no, no, no.

That better.

Chop.

No, no, no, no.

Look.

First you hit him in the throat, and then

you bust him in the stomach.

All right, all right, that'll do.

There's no need for any more fighting.

You're here to learn English.

Don't forget why you're here.

Right.

And now who haven't I asked a question so far?

Right.

Su-Lee, give me the comparative and the superlative

of the following adjective, all right?

Rude.

Lewd, lewder, lewdest.

Light-- right.

Ranjeet, compete the following proverb.

A bird in the hand--

Makes mess on your wrist.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

You're out.

Right, Danielle.

Explain the meaning of the word illiterate.

That is someone whose parents are not married.

Danielle, that's illegitimate.

Sorry. - Oh.

Juan.

S , Se or.

Give me the opposite of the following words.

Ready? - Not ready.

I haven't started.

I have started.

Juan!

I lost.

That's enough.

Eh-- that's not enough.

Stop.

Go.

Sit down!

Stand up.

Oh, somebody stop him, please.

Silencio.

Hey, I do good, huh?

Yes, good.

Yo soy un talento.

All right, Taro.

Ah so.

Give me the following tenses of the verb "to move".

Past perfect, the present perfect, the past continuous.

Well, say something, Taro.

I am out.

Right.

Who have we got left in?

Well, let's see how many of you can survive another round.

Jamila, can you count up to 10?

Tea?

Count up to 10, 1-2-3.

Ek, do, teen, chaar, paanch, chhah, saat, aaath, nou, das.

No, in English.

One, two, four--

Three.

Six--

Four!

Sorry, Jamila.

Max, give me another word and explain to me what--

what is the meaning of syntax.

Is it a tax you pay when you go to the church?

No, it means sentence construction.

Su-Lee, spell democracy.

C-H-I-N-A.

And I suppose if I'd asked you to spell dictatorship,

you'd have spelt out England?

Or America.

Well, Juan.

That leaves only you.

If you can answer the next question correctly,

you will be the brain of the class,

which doesn't say an awful lot for the rest of them.

Por favor?

Here is your question.

What is another name for a valley between two mountains?

- Valley between two mountains. - S .

Yes.

Eh-- pass.

Right.

Yes.

I win.

I am the big talento, big brain.

Yeah, it goes with your big head.

All right, all right.

Don't start.

Please.

Thank you, sit down.

Ex-squeeze me please, Mr. Brown.

Yes, Ali.

It is home-going time?

Yeah, well not quite.

But you are wanting to get ready for your big fight

tonight with the woodpecker teacher?

We are wanting to be there in time

to see you knock the stuffing out of him.

There's not going to be any fight.

You don't mean that.

I do.

Santa Maria, what about all the money we paid?

Money?

You mean you've been betting on the result?

Sure!

We all put in one pound each.

What, 10 pounds on me to win?

No.

We back the other fellow.

Thanks a lot.

Nah, I'm only joking.

Sure we back you to win.

You ready, then?

- Ready? - Yeah.

For the fight. - Ah, yes.

The fight.

Look, could I have a word with you, Mr. Jarvis, outside?

Well?

Look, we're both reasonable men.

I'm not.

I'm sure we can settle this amicably.

I'm sure we can.

Oh, good.

After I've knocked your block off.

Ah, just the two persons I wanted to see.

What's all this I hear about a fight?

Just a private matter between Mr. Brown and meself.

Nonsense.

It's common knowledge throughout the whole school.

Now step into my office, shut the door behind you,

and take heed, for I shall not tell you again.

I will not have members of my staff brawling in public.

I absolutely forbid it. - You do?

- Most definitely. - Oh, good.

I mean, oh, what a pity.

I was quite looking forward to it.

That's not the impression I got.

Do you mean to tell me that you were actually

looking forward to this fight?

Oh, yes.

Besides, there was a point of honor at stake.

What point of honor?

This person insulted Miss Danielle Favre.

He forced his attentions on her.

I see.

Male chauvinism, eh, Mr. Jarvis?

Well, why not?

Women like to be dominated.

Nonsense.

Oh, come now, Miss Courtney.

Man is by nature the hunter.

Oh, well, this puts an entirely different

complexion on the matter. - It does?

Yes.

Much as I abhor fighting, I feel that under the circumstances,

perhaps your motives were justified.

Oh!

We can have our little punchup in the yard.

Certainly not.

Oh, thank goodness.

You will settle your differences in a much more

civilized and sporting manner.

Oh, I quite agree.

How about a game of chess?

The school has a perfectly good gymnasium.

If you must knock each other about,

I suggest you do it there, tomorrow night, after class.

Where is Mr. Brown?

He's just putting his gloves on.

Oh, here he comes now.

Sit down, please.

I have something for you.

What's that?

If you put this in his clothes,

you'll break

Yeah, and probably my wrists, too.

No, thank you. - Excuse, please.

No, Taro, you do that after each round.

All right!

All right.

Gentlemen, please.

Quiet, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a three-round contest.

Three minutes each round.

On my right, from the woodwork department, Nigel Jarvis.

And on my left, from the language class, Jeremy Brown.

Now listen, I want a good, clean fight.

Remember this.

I want no scratching, holding, gouging,

hitting below the belt. Shake hands now

and come out fighting.

Second out.

Good luck, Mr. Brown.

Where's the stool?

No, it isn't over yet.

He's supposed to be having a fight, not a dance.

Why don't you stand and fight?

All right, you've asked for it.

I'll give you the old alley shuffle.

And the old one-two.

One-- two--

Three.

One, two, three, four, five, six,

Other corner.

Big poof.

You are getting him very worried.

Yeah, he's worried he's going to kill me.

We're going to lose our money.

We gotta do something.

I have an idea.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Hey, Mr. Woodwork, you box real good, you know.

Thanks.

Listen, you box before?

Aye, once or twice.

I don't reckon your Mr. Brown stands much of a chance.

Oh, maybe.

Somehow I don't think I'd like to be in your shoes, you know?

Yeah, I know.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Oh, good evening, everyone.

Hooray!

Mr. Brown, I want to thank you, what you did last night.

You were so brave.

It was nothing, really.

Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown!

- What is it? - Oh, blimey.

He's at it again.

Who's at it again?

That woodpecker teacher, Mr. Jarvis.

He's making advantageous to Jamila.

Advances?

Yes, please.

So I'm giving him kick in his backside,

and now he's challenging me to a punchup.

Oh, not again.

I don't think you should go through with it, Ali.

I mean, with all due respect, you're

not as experienced as I am.

That is what I am thinking.

So I'm telling this to Mr. Jarvis.

Good.

The fight is taking place tonight in the gymnasium.

I'm sorry, I thought you said you weren't fighting him.

Oh, no, not me.

But I'm naming you as my substitute.