Original subtitles

Excuse me, young man.

Si, Senora?

Are you in Mr. Brown's class?

Por favor?

Mr. Brown's class.

Brown.

Mr. Brown?

Ah, si, Juan Cervantes.

Para servirla, Senora.

Yes, but are you in Mr. Brown's class?

English as a Foreign Language?

Por favor?

Are you really as stupid as you look?

Never mind.

Ah, excuse me.

You are in Mr. Brown's class, aren't you?

Are you or aren't you?

Doesn't Mr. Brown teach you anything?

Por favor?

You?

Yes, please, Missy.

Can I be assisting you in any idea whatsoever?

At last, a break through.

Are you in Mr. Brown's class?

No, I am in corridor!

Do you think you could give him a message?

Oh, certainly.

I am Ms. Courtney.

And I am Ranjeet Singh.

Just at this particular moment,

I'm not really bothered who you are.

I just want you to give Mr. Brown a message.

I'll be very happy to comply with your request.

Would you tell him I would like a word with him?

Oh, certainly.

Which word would you like?

Just say I want to speak to him.

Foreigners!

Quiet, please.

Settle down.

uh, thank you.

Right.

Good evening.

So there appear to be some missing.

I hope they haven't dropped out.

Oh, please.

It not be surprising me.

I am always thinking that Sikh son of a guru

was a Punjabi drop out!

I am hearing what you are saying, you horrible--

Don't you two start again.

Actually, you're late.

1,000 apologies for this unforgivable

tardiness, but we were all unavoidably detained

in the corridor by a lady.

Si, si.

Do I take it, Juan, that you understood

what Ranjeet was saying?

Por favor?

Oh, sorry.

Who was this lady who detained you in the corridor?

Oh, blimey.

I am forgetting her name.

She was a big lady, very large bosoms!

Si, grandioso.

Very good.

Yes, and while you're trying to remember her name,

perhaps you'd better sit down.

Yeah, now I hope you've all done your homework.

Excuse me, please.

I am remembering the name.

Missy Courtney.

No, Ms Courtney.

Yes, absolutely.

The lady with the large bosom?

She's wanting to see you.

Yes, well, she'll just have to wait.

Excuse me, please.

She is already waiting.

She may be the principal, but I have a class to teach.

Now, as I was saying about--

ah, Miss Large-- um, Ms Courtney, I was just

on my way to see you, actually.

That's not the impression I got.

Well, I shan't be a moment, class.

Oh, it's all right. Don't bother.

I merely wanted to tell you that you can expect another student.

Oh, jolly good.

More the merrier.

You're not here to make merry, Mr. Brown.

No, no.

It was just a figure of speech.

Well, you better try teaching a few figures of speech

to your students.

They seem to be in need of it.

I'm doing my best.

Oh, Ms Courtney?

Yes.

This new student, what nationality can I expect?

- African - Oh,.

African.

Thank you.

Right, now you remember I asked you all

to write an essay, a short story about your life

here in England.

Hope you've all done so, have you?

Good, good.

Well, I shall go around the class and ask each of you

to read out what you've written.

Anna, shall we start with you?

My life in England, by Anna Schmidt.

Good, very good.

Yeah, but go on.

There is no more.

That's all there is?

Ja, I have no time to write more.

Always that Mrs. Valker is keeping me busy,

"Anna, do this, Anna do that."

She is a slave driver, that Mrs. Valker.

Walker.

Vhat?

W is pronounced wuh.

Your employer's name is Walker.

Ja, Valker.

Do you know how many shirts Mrs. Valker made me iron last night?

Walker.

Ja, Valker.

12.

Zen I had to prepare a meal for the bitch.

Anna, she may be a hard task mistress,

but I don't think you ought to call her that?

- Who? - Mrs. Valker.

Walker.

I vas meaning the dog, bitch.

Oh I see.

That is why I'm having no time for the homevork.

Yes, well, not to worry.

You really must concentrate on those W sounds.

Wuh.

Vuh.

Yeah, wuh.

Danielle, would you like to read us your essay?

Oui.

What I like about England, by Mademoiselle Danielle Favre,

telephone 246-8021.

Good, carry on.

Scusi!

Yes, Giovanni?

Was that 8021 or 8012?

It was 8021.

Never mind what number it was.

You're here to improve your English,

not chat up other students.

You are absolutely right, Professori.

It's just, I'd like to improve my French as well.

Well, you can do that in your own time.

Carry on, Danielle.

Thank you.

Can I like England because the grass is so green

and the peuple are so nice.

People.

Yes.

Especially the men.

Quiet, quiet!

English men are so charming, so handsome, and so sexy.

silence, please.

Yeah, I think that'll do, Danielle.

But I've written much more.

All about the things that I like to do at night.

Yes, well, I don't think we'd better go into those.

I'll be reading all of your essays later.

Jamila, I don't suppose you've written anything, have you?

Written anything?

No?

Nah.

Look, you really, really must start

to speak a little, Jamila.

Speak.

No, no, no. In English.

You must try to speak English.

Look, try saying "good evening."

Huh?

All right, let's start with the "good."

Good.

Good.

It's not difficult, Jamila.

Come on.

Good.

Look, you nearly said it then.

Come on, good.

Good, good!

Please, no prompting.

Good!

Yes, excellent!

Well done. - Good.

Now try "evening."

Evening.

It's not difficult, Jamila.

Come on.

Evening.

Yes, yes.

Come on.

Good!

I know you can say "good."

Say "evening."

Evening.

Efening.

Efening.

Yes, good, good.

Now, put them both together.

Good evening.

Good efening.

- Good efening - Well done.

Good efening.

Good efening.

Good efening.

Stop.

Well done, Jamila.

Good efening.

Good, well done.

We'll try some new ones later.

Su-Lee, have you written anything?

Yes, yes.

Fine.

What I rike about England.

England is becoming more politically minded

and gladually more leftwing.

The overthrow of decadent capitaristic government

will soon take place as working crasses become more educated

and embrace communism as the tlue way of rife.

Workers levolution getting nearer with inevitable corrapse

of imperialistic bourgeois intellectual society.

Yes, well, if that's what you like about England,

I wouldn't want to read what you didn't like.

- Excuse, please, sir. - Yes, Taro.

Ah.

I have small observation on young lady's discourse

that will illustrato increasedo knowledge of English.

Certainly, Taro, go ahead.

With respecto, young lady speako road of cobblers.

Attitude typical of fascist Nipponese.

Japan civilizedo country, not like China.

Run by peasanto!

Chinese not peasanto.

Japanese not fascisto.

Oh, Su-Lee!

Su-Lee, come back.

Taro, please go and apologize.

Apologize?

Yes.

I will lose faceo.

Not my faulto.

Well, never mind.

Never mind whose fault it was.

Go.

Please.

Waito.

Waito.

Waito.

Mrs. Courtney.

Miss.

So sorry.

I'm Roger Kenyon from the Education Authority.

Oh.

Oh, they told me they were sending an inspector round,

but I really didn't expect--

He would be black.

He would be so young.

My apologies, but the authority

likes to check that the standards of evening classes

are up to par.

I can assure you that my standards here

are well over par.

I'm glad to hear it.

Well, Mr. Kenyon, if you'd like to come with me,

I'll show you around.

No, no, no, please.

I'd rather just wander around on my own, if you don't mind.

I usually get a much clearer picture that way.

Stop!

Waito!

Waito!

Everything all right?

Everything's OKO.

Good.

We have agleed to differ.

Oh, right.

Excuse me, please.

Ah, our new African.

Pardon?

- Yeah, I've been expecting you. - Me?

Yes, was always told I'd have a new pupil.

Look, it's nearly time for our tea break,

so why don't you just go to the back for a minute,

and I'll take your particulars later?

But--

Now, be a good chap and don't argue.

Just go and sit there. All right?

Yes, but--

Sit?

Yes, please.

OK.

Me sit.

There you are, my love.

There you are.

10p, dear.

Thank you, love.

That's it.

Next.

You sit here.

Merci.

- I get the coffee. - Yes.

Coffee black?

Thank you, please.

Coffee black.

Hey, I get the coffee for Danielle!

Too bad.

Sugar?

Merci.

How about a biscuit?

You like the biscuit?

I would like that.

Good.

I'll be back.

A packet of biscuits, please.

Pronto.

Look, wait your time, love.

There's a queue here.

Go on.

Next!

Good evening.

Yeah, good evening.

Tea or coffee, love?

Good efening.

I heard you the first time.

Tea or coffee?

Oh, cha.

Tea!

10p.

Good efening.

OK.

10-- 10p!

Oi! - It's all right.

I'll pay for that, and a coffee for me, please.

And a coffee for you.

Thank you.

Are you Mr. Brown?

Yes.

Oh, I've got a message for you from her ladyship.

Oh, lady who?

- Ms Courtney! - Oh, Ms Courtney.

She's been in here, and she wants to see you.

Yeah, I know what she does want.

Yes, Mr. Brown?

Um, you wanted to see me?

In my office immediately.

Careful, that's coffee.

You'll spill it.

Por favor?

That's coffee.

Gracias.

Cheers.

Same again, please.

Oh, another Mr. Brown.

Thank you.

Thank you, love.

Packet of, biscuits, please.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We haven't any left!

Mama mia!

Oh, good, good.

You've come to have a cup of coffee?

Coffee?

Yes, coffee.

This stuff.

Thank you.

Enter.

It has taken you two minutes 38 seconds exactly to come

to my office immediately.

I'm glad I didn't ask you to take your time.

Well, I'm sorry.

I was detained.

Well, I thought I'd better tell you

that an inspector has arrived.

Oh, my conscience is clear.

I beg your pardon?

Well, apart from the odd parking ticket,

I've never had any trouble with the police.

An education inspector.

Ah, I see.

I'm sorry.

How stupid of me.

Yes.

Well, he'll probably want to call in on your class.

Oh, well, don't worry. I'll deal with him.

You don't deal with inspectors from the local authority,

Mr. Brown.

You cosset them, and flatter them, and agree with everything

they say.

Yeah, well, I'll do that as well.

I expect he'll want to see your register.

My register?

You do have a register?

Oh, that register?

Yes, of course.

Well, you better call it as soon

as you get back to your class.

Right.

By the way, while you're here, the local authority

want me to fill in a few details about you on this form.

- I've got your name. - Yes.

- Address. - Yes.

Sex.

Occasionally.

Married?

Sorry.

No, I was engaged once.

Matter of fact, I proposed marriage,

but it didn't really work out.

There was quite a lot of opposition.

- Her father? - No, her husband.

I didn't realize she was married at the time.

What do you do during the day?

Nothing at the moment.

I'm afraid I'm waiting for a suitable position.

And what was your last position?

Well, I was teaching at a secondary modern school,

but I left.

I couldn't stand any more beatings.

Well, I didn't think teachers beat children anymore.e

Oh, they don't.

It was the other way around.

I think you'd better take this form, and fill it out yourself,

and bring it back to me later. - Right.

And do be careful what you say to the inspector.

Oh, of course.

Oh, by the way, the new student has arrived.

You won't forget to add the name to the register, will you?

Danielle, what you do after class?

I go and learn the English.

Hey, I'ma gonna learn the English as well.

Maybe we learn together, huh?

Yes, but what about poor Max?

Yeah, what about poor Max?

I'ma crying my eyes out.

I have an idea.

I have lots of ideas.

Why not you and Max study together, huh?

Right, class, settle down, please.

Quiet.

Now, the first thing we have to do before we do anything else

is to call the register. - So sorry.

Ah, that's quite all right.

I expect you'll have a bit of difficulty

finding your way around at first.

Things will seem rather strange.

Yes, very strange.

Yes, Must.

Be quite a change coming from one

of the underdeveloped countries to our more

advanced way of life.

Oh, yes.

Still, your people are doing remarkably well.

Did you fly here?

Fly?

How do you mean, bwana?

Fly in a big iron bird.

Quite a change from riding an elephant.

Unless you came by Jumbo.

English joke.

Very funny.

Well, perhaps you'd better sit down.

Right?

Right, now I'm going to call out your names,

and will you please answer "present."

Present.

Yes, Ali, but wait until I've called your name our.

Sorry, please.

Ranjeet Singh?

Present and correct, please.

Giovanni Cappello.

Si, Professori.

No, Giovanni, not "professori."

No professori?

No, you should address me as "sir."

Sir.

Yes.

Now I understand!

You have been to get noted!

Come again?

Well, to become a sir, you got noted by the Queen.

The word is "knighted," and I'm not that kind of sir.

Maximilian Papandrious.

Maximilian Papandrious?

- Mr. Brown is speaking to you. - Is he?

Sorry.

You want something?

Are you here or not?

Well, sure I'm here.

Taro Nagazumi.

Ah so.

- Presento. - Anna Schmidt?

Ja, present.

Su-Lee Chung?

Plesent.

Ali Nadim.

Gift.

Gift?

I'm surprising you, no?

Each day, I'm learning a new English word.

And I'm finding that gift is another word for "present."

Very ingenious.

Thank you very much.

Danielle Favre?

Present.

And I am all here.

I can see that.

Jamila Ranjha.

Anji?

Oh, good efening.

Yes you're here.

And Juan Cervantes?

Por favor?

Present.

Por favor?

You're here.

Present.

I better take down your particulars,

otherwise, I may get into hot water.

Oh?

You are going to have a hot bath?

No, Ali.

It's just another way of saying I may get into trouble.

Oh dear!

You have been committing some grievous misdemeanor!

Not at all.

There's an inspector from the local education

authority coming round.

yeah, the big boss.

Yes, I suppose you could say that, but from my experience,

they're usually interfering old fogeys.

You don't like them?

Not particularly.

Frankly, they're quite useless and about as outdated

as their teaching methods.

I mean, what's the point of learning

past participles, cognate objects,

or subordinate clauses?

It's far more useful to try to teach

a foreign student how to order a meal or find accommodation.

You appear to have some rather unique ideas.

Yeah, I suppose I have.

You know, you speak English fairly well.

Thank you.

And what is your name?

Roger Kenyon.

Roger Kenyon.

Can Ah yes.

Ah, Ms. Courtney, I'm just completing the register

and getting the details of our new student

before that inspector chappy pokes his nose in.

Well, Mr. Brown--

I shan't be a moment, Ms. Courtney.

What is your job?

Inspector.

Oh.

What, local transport?

Local education authority.

Ooh.

I thought it was the new student.

The new student is a female.

Is she?

Well, you didn't tell me that.

My apologies, Mr. Kenyon.

And I do assure you that Mr. Brown

will be severely dealt with.

I can't remember when I last enjoyed myself so much.

- I beg your pardon? - Enjoyed yourself?

You know, Ms. Courtney, your Mr. Brown is a remarkable man.

I am?

He is?

Yes, his teaching methods may be somewhat revolutionary,

but they appear to work.

I have always encouraged my staff to be forward thinking.

Hm.

Well, I'll pass on your comments to the authority.

Perhaps they'll revise their textbooks.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must put in an appearance

at the other classes.

Oh, Keep Up the good work, Mr. Brown.

And thank you very much for the coffee.

I'll come with you, Mr. Kenyon.

Blimey, you are dropping a clinker!

You mean "clanger."

Yes, please!

Yes, well, all right, let's continue with out lesson.

Get out your textbooks.

I'm gonna give you all a few exercises.

Scusi, Professori, sir.

I can't do any exercises.

Why not?

I've got a bad back.

Excuse me, I was looking for--

Ah, at last.

A pity you didn't arrive half an hour earlier.

Why?

You might have saved me a great deal of embarrassment

with a certain African gentleman.

Oh.

Yes, he was the school's inspector,

but I mistook him for you.

You thought a gentleman was me?

Yeah, the silly fool tried to pretend he was a student

and sit at the back to try to catch me out,

but I saw through him.

I gather you think he was a bit stupid.

Oh, definitely, thick as a brush.

Was his name Mr. Kenyon?

Yes, do you know him?

I sure should do.

I've come to collect him.

Ah.

I am his wife.

Oh, blimey, yes, you have dropped another clinker!