Original subtitles

- Mr Reid!

- HE GROANS

Gabriella...what can I do for you?

- You look really hot, I thought you could use this.

- So, she thought that you were seeing someone else,

and now she knows that you're not but she's still moody? - Yep! - How does that work?

If you are having problems, though, you can always talk them through.

- With you? - Sure.

- I love you, too.

- Now, that is not something I was expecting.

- Declined?!

- SHE SIGHS

- Sorry, why do I think that is?

I don't know, sweetheart, maybe the little green men stole my card

and made merry in Poundland!

Look, I am perfectly calm, thank you,

just try one of the other ones, please.

What?!

Will you stop saying "we" when you mean "me"!

Listen, I will sort this, OK? I...I just need another day.

Please.

- SHE SIGHS

- Nice bag. Is that new?

- So what kind of courses were you talking about?

- Erm...you know, just hospitality management.

- Didn't know that was a job, let alone a degree. - See you later.

- You can tell me all about it tonight, yeah?

- Once you've researched your lies.

- Will you sign this? It's for me resilience camp.

It's going to be boss. Everyone's going.

So can I go and get the cash from your purse? - Cash?

- Yeah. Well, it's a £100 deposit today

and you pay the rest in a couple of weeks.

- Then I'm sorry, but you can't go. - What?!

- I'm not forking out for some skiver's school trip.

- It's important, Mum! I get credits on me modules!

And it's me last year, it all counts.

- Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll scrape by.

- Oh, right, but you can afford to splash out on yourself.

Please?!

- Right, fine, I'll sort it.

- How? - Just leave it with me, all right?

- Today, you promise?

- Promise.

- SHE SIGHS HEAVILY

Morning.

- "Stars, hide your fires;

"Let the light not see...my black and deep desires."

- Yes, my Shakespeare module starts today

and I'm going back into the classroom to keep my hand in.

- No, what I actually meant was...

- Bad news! It's the kitchen staff. Sorry, am I interrupting?

- Erm...no, it can wait.

- What about the kitchen staff?

- Well, I'll spare you the gory details,

but we're talking food poisoning.

- SHE WHISPERS

- Both ends apparently.

Right, so I thought if we contact this agency... - Hm.

But what if it's a rejection? You know, it probably is, which is OK.

That's no big deal. I mean, there are plenty of other uni's out there.

It's not like it's life or death or anything.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

- "Dear Mr Chalk. Thank you for your application..." Blah, blah, blah.

"Your application for a bursary...is being considered."

- HE SIGHS

Oh, big whoop.

What about you? Have you heard anything about your media studies course?

- Whatever. - I did get this off our Kacey, though.

THEY LAUGH

- Who'd have thought it, eh? A star

in the Barry family.

- Eh, and she's not the only one.

SHE LAUGHS

Connor! Ah! How was the interview?

Tell me, did they grill you, roast you, wrap you up in Parma ham

and drizzle you with a light helping of Parmesan? - No, it was cool.

Cool.

- Lucky you don't have to use words in this job.

- He told his mum he was at a career's fair.

- She doesn't need to know, because I'm not going to get the job anyway.

- And what if you do? - Then I'll tell her.

- And then...she'll kill you!

- Morning.

- Is that a Wark scarf?

- I dunno, is it?

- You didn't actually buy that, did you?

- Er...well, yeah, it's just one of the things I bought this week.

- You know I can get that stuff for free, just ask me in future.

Liking my scratch?

- You did that to Boston's car?!

- I'm so late! Simon's doing some ridiculous presentation.

- SHE SIGHS

- Do you know? Every time I see that,

my blood pressure goes through the roof.

- I know a way to make it go down. - Yeah?

- Meet me for lunch later?

SHE SIGHS

- I won't have time.

- If I'm taking this to the body shop, you owe me.

I've got something for you.

A surprise.

- What kind of surprise? - Just say yes.

Please? That place we went last week? - Sure.

- 'Happiness. Such a familiar concept, isn't it?

'One we're fed all our lives in greetings cards,

'commercials, TV shows.

'But what makes us happy?

'Is it our achievements?'

- You all right, Gabriella?

- Yeah, I'm fine, thanks.

- 'The friendships we forge?

'Or is it the possessions we own?

'Or whether or not we find love?'

Hard to quantify, isn't it?

But if we don't do the groundwork now,

then how can we truly say that we've equipped our pupils to be happy as adults?

Which is why I'm passionate about resilience education.

And why this afternoon...drumroll, please...

the very talented Mrs Lowsley will be taking a multi-age group

first-aid class utilising her expert training as a flight attendant!

- Invaluable for when the school crashes into the ocean, I'd imagine.

- And of course the resilience camp,

which Hector and I are very excited about.

Although we are still looking for more volunteers.

- A weekend in a remote Scottish loch

with a lot of hormonal teenagers, anyone?

- Yes, well, thank you, Simon.

As you can see it's an exciting programme, so let's all help them embrace it.

Maggie, can I have a word in my office, please?

- BELL

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

You got your cheque, babe? - Me mum's sorting the money today.

- Is there going to be one of those high wires at camp? I've always fancied that.

- I know, they look a laugh.

- There is a serious side to this camp too. - Yeah, I know, like toning you bum on the hill walk!

Mum?

- Can I have a word, please, in private?

It's a bit of a...sensitive matter.

- Er...right, girls, off to registration.

Just give me five minutes, OK?

- Your mum looks...different. - She's up to something.

- So with the canteen being five staff down,

the agency have put the school in a very tricky situation.

Maggie, I'd be eternally grateful. - What about my lessons?

- It's only for one day, I-I-I'll get Sonya

to juggle the timetable so Home Ec is covered.

- I'm going to need at least two more pairs of hands.

And...you owe me big time.

- You're a star. - I know.

- Mrs Barry, sit...down.

- Two extra staff? - Yes, I'm on it.

So...how can I help you?

- It's delicate.

I'm going through a bit of a bad patch at the moment

and the truth is, well, I can barely afford to put food on the table.

And, well...my Dynasty, she's really suffering.

- SHE SIGHS

- It just breaks me heart that I can't give me baby what she deserves.

- Which is? - The school trip.

- The resilience camp? - She's really got her heart set on it,

like her whole future's rests on whether or not she can go.

- Well, it's a slight exaggeration, but it would be a good opportunity for her, yes.

- Exactly! But I've already sold most of what I've got, you know,

me clothes, me jewellery. I can't even afford to wear make-up.

I mean, short of robbing a bank, I just don't know what to do?

- Have you thought of getting a job?

- Well, that's easier said than done. It's all right for you with your qualifications and career,

but...what sort of job is a prison widow like me going to get, eh?

- Have you ever worked in a kitchen?

- You can get changed in the toilets.

- I'm sure you'll get on famously. - Oh, are you? I said two extra staff.

- And I'm dealing with it.

DOOR OPENS

Obviously you like to eat, but you might want to shut your gob every once in a while.

- Who was that?

- Dynasty's mum.

- KNOCK AT DOOR

Er...could I borrow Connor for a moment, please?

How do you fancy skipping Maths and English

in favour of being head chef in your own restaurant?

We have a staffing crisis and the school canteen needs...you.

- Sure, why not?

- Oh, great! Well, you go after this class and I'll let your teachers know.

You must be so proud.

- What?

- Your mum.

- Erm...Christine?

- What is it, George? I'm a bit busy for sarky comments.

- Not everything I say is sarcastic.

Just because I don't declare my feelings all the time doesn't mean to say I don't have them.

- Good for you. Wish to share them with me?

- No...not at this moment.

- My mum is not a dinner lady. - And she's not the sort of lady you want to mess with.

- Then how come Rhiannon just saw her in the toilets wearing a polyester uniform?

- Do you want me to rip that tongue out of your head?!

- What are you doing out of your seat?

- I need the bog.

- Fine, go.

- Cheers, mate.

- Mum! - Dynasty.

- You are not seriously working here? - Why not? - Cos it's embarrassing!

- Oh, that's nice, that is. I'm working my fingers to the bone

so me precious little daughter can go on some poxy camp with her mates

only to be told that I'm an embarrassment.

- You're doing this for me? - Yeah.

Me and your head teacher came to an agreement. - Thanks.

I didn't know we were that skint? - We're not...it's just a little cash flow problem, that's all.

- Are you sure? - Yeah, it's fine, honestly. Nothing to worry about.

- Sorry for having a go. - Oh, come here, soppy mare.

Listen, will you do me a favour?

Will you put me bag in your locker? I keep tripping over it.

- Meat order arrived, then? - No, it's my cocaine shipment. Don't mind, do you?

- Thanks for sticking up for me before in front of gobby!

- Oh, just rise above it, all right.

We'll both be out of here soon. Erm...don't let her get to you.

- She was right though...about me mum.

- Your mum's working in the kitchens? - Just for today.

It's to pay for camp. - But that's a good thing.

Mr Lowsley says camp's going to be awesome.

- Mum's asked me to help out in the kitchens. - Did you tell her about London yet?

- No, but it obviously means she's coming round to the idea of me being a chef.

- I'll see you at lunch.

SHE LAUGHS

- Do you ever wish you could press pause

and things would just stay as they are...

just for a little bit longer?

- That's disgusting!

- We do have something in common, you know.

Neither of us wants to be here, but since we are, how about a bit of graft?

- I've never been afraid of hard work. - Good, cos when you've finished them,

there's a couple of boxes of salad need washing.

- Where do you want me? - You, my boy, are a life-saver!

Crumble toppings OK with you? - No problem. - Great.

I'm not putting in snail shells or whatever these fancy chefs in London do.

- You want to get a new veg supplier, half this stock's on the turn.

- Oh, no! What am I going to do? We're running late as it is.

- Listen, I've got a mate who works down the market,

I reckon I could get a job lot if you're interested?

- OK, I'm going to need you in pairs.

Now, what is my number one rule?

- "Team work makes the dream work."

- Come on, guys, give me some love, I'm feeling all insecure here.

- "Team work makes the dream work!" - Thank you.

Ah, Gabriella and Rhiannon...go.

- Watch this.

Argh! Ow!

- OK, next up...Imogen and Dynasty.

Where does it hurt? - Erm...here.

SHE GROANS

- OK. - Ow!

SHE WHIMPERS

And erm...here.

In there.

And, erm...

- OK, I think I get the picture.

Now that's what I'm talking about!

- Sir...my leg. - If it hurts, go to the medical room and I'll get Mrs Lowsley to look in on you.

Next up, Dionne and Sara.

- You all right?

PHONE BEEPS

- Maggie, it's the restaurant.

- Answer it, then!

- Press answer. - Duh!

Answer. - Hello?

Yeah, speaking.

That's great. - Yes! Yes!

Yes! - Hello? Yeah, sorry, still here!

- Yeah, yeah, that looks good.

Just get chopping. We're serving up in an less than an hour.

- OK, I look forward to the e-mail. OK, thanks. Bye. See you soon.

Yes! - Get in! - Hang up!

- Ohh! Your mum is going to be so proud of you!

Get in!

- "Fair is foul and foul is fair:

"Hover through the fog and filthy air."

What does that mean?

Lisa?

- I...don't know.

- Try engaging your brain.

- I've got some good news.

- Oh. - Have you heard of the chef Cookie Davies?

- Is she on TV? - Yeah, well, the thing is, I've been offered a job...in her kitchen. - Don't move your head.

- Foul will mean detention for you two if you don't stop messing around.

Has she got a restaurant in Glasgow?

- No...London.

OK, look, I wasn't at a uni fair yesterday,

I was at a job interview in London.

But I didn't want to say anything cos I never thought I'd actually get it.

It's an amazing opportunity, Mum, and they're going to help me find accommodation and everything.

- Sweetheart...what exactly is this job?

- Kitchen porter. Look, I know it doesn't sound that great,

but that's how all the top chefs start out.

- Your exams are just round the corner. - So what? I get a few C's,

a couple of B's if I'm lucky. Then what?

A second rate degree in hospitality management?

You said always do what was right for me.

- Trust me...I know what's best for you.

Right...

- There's the custard, don't let the kids go mad with it.

The fruit's there...and the bread rolls are... - In the basket.

Do I look like Stevie Wonder?

Right, what do you want? - Well, whatever you think is...the most edible.

- Pasta, please.

Where's Connor? - Oh, he's breaking the good news to his mum.

- Good news?

- SHE SIGHS

- Act surprised when he tells you.

- He got the job? - Yeah. It's brilliant, isn't it?

- Cool! I bet Connor's stoked. London, here we come!

Well, me on the occasional weekends.

- How's it going? - Yeah, good. Fat Stan sorted Maggie out with some veg.

A nice little kick-back.

- Was that custard made with milk, only I'm lactose intolerant?

- That's funny, cos I'm brat intolerant.

- Aren't you going to go and check?

- There'll be more than just milk in it soon.

- Yes, yes, it was, love. - Oh, thank you so much.

- Watch it.

You OK? - I'm going to go find him.

- Oh, you getting lunch? I'm starving! - Yeah, maybe, I'll catch you up. I've got...stuff to do.

MUSIC: "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers

- Maybe you left it at home? - No, I remember putting it in there this morning.

It was her.

She's stolen it.

- You've probably just dropped it somewhere.

- Nah, she's right, she were in the bog earlier.

- Well, I hope you've got evidence to back that up?

- Well, I've heard all about the Barrys, your husband's in prison, isn't he?

- OK, OK, maybe we should take this somewhere less public.

- Oh! Look what you've done!

- What?!

I can't see anything? - Well, I can. - All right, he didn't mean it.

- Here you are, there's something to moan about.

- Darren Hughes, that was not called for...

- ALL GASP

- Stuck up cow!

- HUBBUB

- Everybody calm down.

Calm down, will you, please?!

Stop it!

Calm down! Rhiannon! Rhiannon, will you please...?

- Good grief! It's like dining in the Middle Ages.

- LAUGHTER

- Stop this at once! Back to your seats.

- Shut it!

How'd you think your lunch got here today, hm?

Do you think the food fairies flew it in just ready made?

Me and her have slaved away all morning so you lot can get fed

and look at the state of it now! You're worse than animals.

Now get it cleaned up!

- Sorry, miss.

- I don't take orders from thieves.

- I suggest you do what I say or I'll take that silver spoon out of your mouth

and I will shove it where the sun don't shine.

- Is she allowed to talk to me like that?

- She just did.

- Have you seen Connor? I can't find him anywhere.

- No.

Will you do me a favour?

- Oh! Can you do a banana?

- Working hard?

Brought you this, seeing as you were too busy for a proper lunch.

- Yeah, you two are adorable.

- We're not kittens, Hector.

- SHE SIGHS

- I'm sorry.

Look, I have been working, honestly, it's the first time I've sat down all day.

- Since I'm here now, I may as well give you this too.

- What, now?

- Er...yeah, me and Hector are just going to go and run over this timetable.

- It's OK, guys.

- Is it?

- Well, go on, open it.

Well, do you like it? I made it.

- Wow! Talented as well as beautiful. You are a lucky lady, Nikki.

- It's very nice. Thank you.

Oh...I've got to get to class.

- Mind if I, er...?

- George, I am a bit busy! - I heard about Connor's job.

- He's taking it? - Well, I...I just assumed...

Are you all right, Christine?

- What would I do without him?

George! - What? I-I'm just trying to... - I know what you were trying to do.

- Well, I've actually been trying to talk to you all day.

I came here to give you these.

The Scottish Play. Very good reviews and I thought it would be up your street?

- My street? - Yes, and my street.

Not that our two streets are that far apart...if you think about it.

So why not throw caution to the wind and combine...streets?

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I'm not talking about moving in together, of course not,

not yet anyway. No, I'm not talking about that,

I'm talking about two adults

enjoying a night at the theatre together.

Hm? What do you say?

- Erm...I'm flattered.

But you are such dear friend, I don't want to spoil that relationship.

George, I'm sorry.

Say something?

- Look, she's a jumped-up little madam, she deserves everything she gets.

- That's not the point! What if Mrs Mulgrew had looked in my locker?

- Yeah, well, she didn't, did she?

- No, cos you know why,

cos Imogen's gone to take it to Sonya,

who's going to tell Gabriella that she found it in the toilets

and that it must have fallen out of her bag.

- What'd you do that for?!

- You never took this job for me after all, did you?

It's just another one of your scams.

- SHE SIGHS

- Stop making out like this is a big deal.

- I thought you wanted me to go to this resilience camp.

- SHE SIGHS

- Since when did you turn into such a little swot, eh?

It's just some stupid school trip!

- No, it's not...it's ME getting to be like me mates!

Cos you know here, in school...I get to be normal.

And I might just have a future that doesn't involve nicking things!

But, no, you have to come and ruin everything, don't you?

- SHE SIGHS

Dynasty!

- You know, Mum, I never want to turn out like you!

- Good news. Gabriella's wallet turned up.

CAROL SIGHS

SHE SIGHS

- There you are! Where've you been? - Just walking.

- Mrs Budgen told me you got the job? - Yeah, well, I'm not taking it.

- Why?

Oh, I get it...your mum.

Unbelievable! When are you going to stand up to her, Connor? - When she's not an alcoholic.

- It's the right decision, Connor, it really is. Get your exams out of the way, have a nice summer

and then decide what's next.

- Yeah. - There'll be plenty of opportunities. Come here!

- Did you know that 140,000 people die each year in the UK

from incidents where first aid could have saved their lives?

Isn't that amazing?

That's amazing, isn't it?

- Yeah, it's amazing! - How long have you been stood there?

- Not long. - Well, what do you think?

- Yeah, yeah, it's good.

It's just...it could do with a bit of... - A bit of...?

- ..freestyle! - What did you do that for?!

- Trust me, you're going to be great.

- SHE SIGHS

- Well, if you ask me, she's done a good job.

She showed initiative sourcing stock and the way she handled those kids...

if it was up to me, I would consider taking her on permanently.

- I can recommend you to the agency? They are always looking for good people.

- Thanks, but I can't really see me and potato peelings working out long term.

So, I'll just take the cash and I'll get off now.

- Give your details to Sonya, you'll be paid at the end of the month.

If you get emergency taxed, you'll get it all back on a rebate.

- No, it's not that, it's just...

If I've got to... I can't pay for Dynasty's trip if I've got to wait for the money.

- Well, we could lend her the money out of the canteen float.

- Really?

- It's a bit unorthodox, but I think the trip's important for Dynasty. TILL WHIRS

- Sign the receipt book.

You must be dead proud.

- Thanks.

- Connor's job.

- He's not taking it.

- Since when? - Since he listened to me.

- Ooh! What have you said?

- I can't let him throw his exams, his future, away on a chance!

- "Let him"?

This isn't about Connor at all, is it, Christine, hm?

- Course it is.

- He's not a boy any more, Christine, he's a man!

And he's a married man at that.

Do you honestly think that he is going to live with you for the rest of his life?

- Don't be ridiculous. - Well, then let him make his own decisions, his own mistakes.

Because either way, well, he is going to be leaving you sooner or later.

- You don't know what you're talking about.

- No, of course I don't, I'm just the dinner lady!

- So Kevin here has come off his bike,

but lucky for him he was wearing a helmet.

Any volunteers for the rescue team? - I will.

- And me. - Great! You're first on the scene. Up you come.

So, Gabriella, why don't you try acting out what you might do?

- Better not give him mouth to mouth. - Please, I like my men a little more mature.

- Yeah, and I like mine real.

- LAUGHTER

- He'll be dead if you don't do something soon, Gabriella.

OK, do you want to explain what you're doing?

- I'm taking off his helmet.

- OK, any thoughts on that? - Yeah, she's paralysing my fella.

- I'm checking he's breathing, idiot. - Actually, Dynasty's right.

Kevin may have sustained a spinal injury,

so it's best to keep his helmet on until the emergency services have arrived.

Dynasty?

- All right, babes.

Can you hear me?

Is he unconscious, miss? - No, he just thinks you're really boring.

LAUGHTER

- Will you just shut up?

I'm trying to take this serious, you know. - Ooh, teacher's pet.

- Do you want to sit this one out, Gabriella?

- SHE SIGHS

- Dynasty?

Excellent. Can everyone see?

Dynasty has placed Kevin in the recovery position.

Now, why is this important?

- Erm...to make sure that his airway isn't trapped. - Perfect.

And because of Dynasty's intervention, Kevin stands a greater chance of surviving.

- Oh! Oh, Dynasty, you saved my life!

Mmm! - Any time, babes.

- Round of applause for Dynasty Barry.

- CAROL SIGHS

- Money for our Dynasty's trip.

- Oh, great! Ta, babe.

I...just need you to sign this sheet.

- What's that you're reading? - Oh, yeah, I know.

Listen, when you've kissed as many frogs as I have,

you need to take advice from wherever you can.

- Yeah, well, I'll give you some for free, stop worrying about what a fella wants

and start taking what you want.

- I just want to meet someone nice.

- Well, you'd best get out there and keep kissing them, then, eh?

- You still here? - Yeah, I'm just off.

Listen, I want to say thanks.

- You earned the money and I hope Dynasty appreciates it.

- Yeah, well, she'd better.

If your boy can aim for the stars, so can she.

- Round of applause for Lenny!

- APPLAUSE

- Thank you, everyone.

We're out of time, but you've all been such great sports!

- Wicked lesson, miss.

- Oh...thank you. Was that really "wicked"?

- It was fantastic, Mrs Lowsley.

- Hm.

Is everything all right, Darren?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. That was amazing, miss, that.

Weren't it, Len? - Totally. - Oh, thank you.

- Just one thing, though, right? You know that recovery position,

Dynasty Barry's great big head was in the way, I couldn't even see.

- Well, all the information's in the booklet. - Yeah, but my brain's wired up funny,

I can't actually remember stuff unless I do it.

- Well, I suggest you practise at home, then.

- Yeah, but if I was to practise on you now, it'd really help.

Cos it's like you said, we could save a life!

Imagine that, Len? - Yeah.

Yeah, like a superhero or something. - Oh, go on, then, Batman.

Or are you Robin?

- LAUGHTER

- Good one, miss.

Are you not going to, like, close your eyes so that it's more realistic? You know what I mean?

Just warming up, miss.

- OK, come on, boys, haven't got all day.

- SHUTTER CLICKS

- Lads?

Lads?!

- Tony, it's Carol.

Carol "The Legs" Barry?

Truth is I'm a bit strapped and I was wondering if you had any shifts at Valentino's going?

We didn't fall out. Course I don't think you're letch!

Brilliant! See you then.

- Carol, you...forgot your bag.

Oh...and the square sausage inside it,

I...took it back to the kitchen for you.

- CAROL SIGHS

- So...Crusoe faced physical hardship during the storm.

- PHONE BEEPS

- Do you think...? Right, whose

is that?

You know the rules, switch it off!

Do you think his encounter with the elements...?

- PHONE BEEPS

- Right, that's it!

Give me your phones. Thank you.

- PHONE BEEPS

- I'll take that.

- LAUGHTER

- What are you watching?

Thank you!

- LAUGHTER

PHONE BEEPS

LAUGHTER

- Nice of you to join us, Darren.

- Sorry. - Is that it?

Can you not even engage your brain to come up with a decent excuse?

- I, er...I just had to send a text, miss.

- LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

- Does anyone want to share the joke with me?

Darren?

- What chapter are we reading, miss? - Eight.

- LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

Darren's been sending out texts with a link to it online.

Where are you going? - To tell Mr Lowsley.

- Oh, no, you can't grass him up. - Watch me!

- LAUGHTER

- First aid is about saving lives! What Mrs Lowsley taught today

could turn out to be the most important lesson you've ever had.

- It was just a joke. - Do not speak!

- Are they going to get expelled?

- They've only got themselves to blame. You did the right thing.

So are you looking forward to going to the camp?

- Not going now.

- Yeah, you are. Your mum paid up.

- What you've done constitutes... a crime.

You could be charged with indecency!

- Er...he's right.

- Sorry, miss. - It weren't Lenny's fault, miss, don't punish him.

- Darren, I thought you'd learnt your lesson after last time. You're suspended for a week.

Lenny, you came this close. A week's detention instead.

Get home.

- Are you all right? You seem a little off. - Fine.

- You're not thinking about pulling the plug on the programme, are you?

- Not everything's about you, Simon. BELL RINGS

- It's all wrong, how can she stand in the way of your dream like that?

I'm never going to do that to our kids.

If they have a passion for something, I'm going to tell them to go for it.

Even if it means I won't see them for a year, cos they're in the jungle somewhere

or on another planet tattooing aliens.

What? - Our kids?

- Yeah. What's so funny about that?

- No, nothing, just...

And they're going to be alien tattoo artists?

- Well, they'll be our kids, so they are bound to be a bit... - Weird. Yeah, that's true.

- I was going to say cool, actually! - Hm.

- She's lucky to have you. - And I'm lucky to have you.

- Well, that's pretty obvious.

- I'm going to the pub with Vix, so you can make your own dinner.

- Sue, they've been punished.

Oh, come on, don't let a couple of hormonal boys take away from a fantastic lesson.

- Fantastic? - Yeah.

Why else would Dynasty Barry stand up for you?

She's the one who dobbed them in. Said you deserved better.

- Hm.

- Can I come to the pub?

- SHE LAUGHS

- Only if you're buying. And mine's a large one.

- MUSIC "Price Tag" by Jessie J

SHE SIGHS

Praying to the marking gods?

That's pretty.

- Yeah. Thanks. Present from Vix.

- What, you don't like it?

- I just thought it was going to be smaller and more...ring shaped.

- A...proposal?

- Yeah.

But it wasn't and I thought I was going to be relieved,

and now, well, I'm...disappointed.

Am I mad? - Probably.

- I think I should take Simon's happiness classes.

- Oh, don't mention them. No, really don't.

- What shall I do, then?

- You're asking me? - Uh-huh.

Really?

- SHE LAUGHS

SHE SIGHS HEAVILY

- Tony.

Well, was I lying?

- You were not!

But I'm still feeling a little bruised.

- Bruised?

- What you said last time...that offended me deeply, Carol.

I'm a tactile man, I like my staff to feel...appreciated.

- I know.

I'm sorry.

So are you giving me a job or not?

- Still feisty, I see.

Just teasing, darling.

Come here.

- Oh!

Well...best get started. - Yeah.

Marcus will bring you up to speed.

And don't go getting any ideas,

I keep catching him giving me the eye, cheeky little tart!

- Yeah.

Thanks for meeting me. Listen, I've had a really weird day.

- Nikkola! Ciao, bella! Mwah!

- What is he doing here? - Sue called, something about kids teasing her,

so I said she could come and meet us and then Tweedle Dee turned up with Tweedle Dum.

You don't mind, do you? Got you a G and T.

- You're kidding me!

You work here?

- Yeah.

Got a problem with that?

- Got a wine list?

- Connor?

Connor? - What?

- Will you just come down here? I need to talk to you.

- What is it, Mum? I'm busy.

- Congratulations!

- I don't get it.

- You are taking that job.

- But you said... - It's your life, Connor,

and you've got to start living it.

- So, you enjoy it, do you? Working here?

- We don't have to do this.

So, you teach?

Guess that's interesting.

- Yes, when I'm not avoiding flying custard.

- I hated school.

My teachers had me marked down as trouble the minute I tipped up.

- And you weren't?

- Who knows what I could have been if someone had taken an interest?

There was this one teacher, Mrs Taylor, my art teacher.

She said I had a good eye.

My mum laughed when I told her. She was like, "Van Gogh you ain't."

- Van Gogh?

This bloke'll be cutting his ears off if you keep harping on.

- It's fine. - No, mate, no, no, no.

You work hard all day, you come out in the evening, you want to relax,

take in the view. You don't want to hear its bleeding life story.

Tell you what, though. Cracking bit of scenery, eh?

- He's appalling.

You shouldn't have to stand for that, you know.

You could take him to an employment tribunal.

- Yeah, well, should and could aren't going to pay the bills.

- I told you everything would work out.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, you're going to need to get yourself a sofa bed, mate.

I'm going to be visiting every weekend.

- Just when you thought you'd got rid of him.

- What about you, Dynasty? Heard back from Edinburgh yet?

- She will soon. - I'm not worried. I've got a future somewhere.

- Um, I just want to say, Connor, I'm so proud of you, I could burst.

And I'm grateful that I've had the honour

of being your mum for the past 18 years.

- To my amazing husband who I love so much.

To Connor.

- ALL: To Connor.

- To the future.

- To the future.

Aw, come on, guys, get a room!

- I wasn't, um... I hope you don't think I was...

because I really wouldn't... - What?

- I mean, it is a lovely view, but I wouldn't deliberately...

- I think you might be taking this metaphor too far, don't you?

- Metaphor?

- They're breasts, it's not a view.

I know you think I'm thick, but I do know what a metaphor is.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be. Do you want another wine?

We've run out of the Sauvignon,

but there's a nice Chablis in the fridge if you fancy that.

- And I don't... think you're a thick.

In fact, this may seem ridiculous question,

but do you like Shakespeare by any chance?

- Me? Can't get enough of it.

Right up there with Jeremy Kyle.

Sorry.

Get... Get off!

- Excuse me?

- Keep your sweaty hands away from me!

- And here's me thinking you needed the money.

Just a little misunderstanding. Right?

- I'm sorry, but I can't let you get away with that.

- Why? What are you going to do?

Get out.

And you. - Eh? What have I done?

I didn't ask him to do that! - Tough!

Anyway, I don't need some old hag working here.

- Carol, wait.

Are you OK? - No, I am flaming not OK.

- # Dial up my number now

# Weaving it through the wire

# Switch me on

# Turn me up... #

- You OK?

- I wanted a ring.

- A what?

- Not a bracelet.

- What? Like a ring, ring?

- Did she just...? - Shhh.

- Is that mad? - Should we give you some space?

- Are you serious?

Can I wear the dress?

- Answer the flippin' question first.

- You haven't asked me one yet.

- You going to make me say it?

- Yeah.

- Will you be my civil partner?

- No.

I'll be your wife, though.

- Congratulations.

- Flamin' bailiffs!

- There was two of them.

I tried to stop them from coming in, but...I didn't know what to do.

You never said we were in trouble.

- It's not your problem. - Where were you?

- I was out sorting things. Trying to earn enough to tide us over.

I've gone and messed up again. - Is that why you stole the purse?

And here's me going on about my stupid trip.

- It's not a stupid trip. It's about your future.

And that's more important than ever.

- What are we going to do?

- You're going to have to get used to seeing your mum in a dinner lady's uniform.

I'll call Mulgrew in the morning.

- I could get a job too. Get some bar work.

- Look, the only thing you've got to worry about is your school work.

Cos you're getting out of this life.

For the both of us. OK?

- That's the dishwasher filled and ready to go.

- Maggie, I just want to say thanks.

- No bother. Two pairs of hands and all that.

- Er, no. I mean... I mean for...

- Having a pop at ya?

- You were right. I do have to let him go.

- It doesn't make it easy, though, does it?

- See you tomorrow.

- On one condition - I never have to wear a canteen uniform ever again.

- Not even the hat? - Ha-ha!

- Here? Came to say I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to get you the sack tonight.

Just couldn't let that man demean you in that way.

You're worth more than that. - Really? How much more?

- Um, a lot?

- Let's see. £2.90?

Do you know how much money you cost me tonight?

£50. Which may be nothing to you, but it's a lot to me.

- You're right. I'm sorry.

- What's this?

- Loss of earnings. And a severance payment.

- A what?

- It's when you get made redundant.

- I know what the word means, George.

- Sorry, I keep doing that, don't I?

- It's all right. Don't worry. Thanks.

I'll get a corkscrew.

- Oh, er, I've got to be off. - Please.

I don't like drinking alone.

- I'm going to bed.

- Promise me something.

- What?

- When you're a hot-shot chef in some swanky restaurant,

you'll still always wear a pair of dorky pyjamas.

- You think my pyjamas are dorky?

OK, I promise!

Night.

- Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

THEY LAUGH

- If someone had told me I was going to end the evening here, I'd have thought... - What?

That my kids had skanked you?

- Skanked?

- It means scammed.

Maybe I'm the one who could teach you a few things. - Maybe.

You're quite surprising, Carol.

- Ditto.

I've enjoyed your company.

We should do it again sometime.

- Sure.

- So are you going to give me your number, then, or what?

- Mum! Who are you talking to?

- I'm just on the phone, babe. Go back to bed.

- Is it Kase? Let's have a word.

- It's just the phone company on at me again. Honestly, get some sleep.

- Night. - Night, love.

Haven't finished your wine?

- School night. It's probably for the best.

- Haven't you forgotten something?

Having second thoughts, are we?

- No. Not at all.

- Great. Well, I'll give you a call.

- Yeah, sure.

Lovely.

- Let us show you what the resilience camp means!

- Three, two, one.

WHISTLE BLOWS

- OK, let's go, let's go, let's go!

- I do teach your daughter.

- Maybe you could teach me a few things.

- Aw, you must be Eve! I've heard all about you!

- Eve, this is Vix. My fiancee.

- You're harassing me. Now leave me alone.

- I'm looking for someone.

Her name's Imogen Stewart, she said she was here and in trouble.