Original subtitles

First, we will synchronize our watches.

9:07.

9:07.

Lily. Yes, dear.

You will take Position A. Right.

Marilyn. Yes, Uncle Herman?

You will take Position B. Check.

Grandpa, you will cover the left flank.

And since little Edward is confined to his room with extra homework...

you will also cover the rear. Cover the rear.

I will take care of the driving.

Now, are there any questions? Yes, there is one.

Why do we need a master plan to go to a drive-in movie?

Grandpa, Herman has a very mechanical brain.

In fact, I believe it used to belong to an old mechanic.

Grandpa, will you stop arguing and check the popcorn?

Aye, aye, sir.

What movie is playing tonight, Herman?

The Beast That Ate Lower New Jersey.

A critical success from coast to coast.

Popcorn, A-Okay.

Contact!

This is too much.

The architect who designed this place must have been Frank Lloyd Wrong.

Yeah, I spotted this dump last week.

Man, it's the ideal place for our fraternity initiation.

We'll bring the guys here around midnight.

Boy, what a creepy place.

I sure wouldn't want to spend the night in a dump like this.

Now take it easy, Herman. You'll be all right.

This is the worst attack you've ever had.

You know, it was on account of you we missed half the movie?

I never even got to see if the creature ate New Jersey.

Grandpa, he ate it all the way up to Atlantic City.

That ought to be enough to satisfy anyone.

I don't know why everyone is making such a big fuss over a few little hiccups.

Oh, boy.

I'll say one thing, though, his hiccups aren't as bad as they were.

I sure hope they go away.

Oh, no. Don't tell me Pop's got the hiccups again.

Yes, and it was so embarrassing.

Right in the middle of the movie all the people at the drive-in got so mad...

because he hiccupped and the screen fell down.

It must have been a very cheap drive-in.

When we demanded our money back...

the manager ran and hid behind the box office.

Earthquake!

If we don't cure Uncle Herman's hiccups...

we won't get any sleep tonight.

Twenty-five glasses of water, and even that didn't work.

Okay, Grandpa...

Oh, boy.

Wait a minute, I've got an idea for another cure.

You take a deep breath, and then you hold it as long as you can.

And the hiccups go away.

Well. Come on, Uncle Herman, it's almost 12:00.

Go ahead, Herman.

Inhale.

Well, I'll try.

Boy, Pop! That was neat. Do it again.

Just relax, Herman.

But I don't want to be hypnotized, Grandpa.

Herman, we're desperate.

We don't want you to hiccup us out of house and home.

I'll hypnotize you. You'll wake up tomorrow morning...

and your hiccups will be gone.

Last time you hypnotized me, I woke up in the morning...

and my wallet was gone.

That was just a coincidence.

Now, look me right in the eye.

Right in the eye.

You're getting sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleepy.

That's fine, Grandpa, but Igor doesn't have the hiccups.

Oh, dear! He's still hiccupping. Have patience, Marilyn.

It's times like this that it's comforting to have a father who is a mad scientist.

Boy.

Herman, it's a well publicized fact...

that some people are too stupid to be hypnotized.

You know, I'm beginning to buy that theory.

Because I'm going to subject you...

to the most powerful weapon known in hypnotism.

The Transylvanian Brain Freezer.

I'll bet you didn't get that out of the Fannie Farmer Cookbook.

As a matter of fact, I didn't.

I learned it from Svengali when the poor fellow was down and out.

I got it from him for a cup of coffee and a sweet roll.

Now, Herman.

Stand right over here.

And brace yourself. Because I'm gonna lay it on you.

Lily, Marilyn, Eddie, come quick!

I did it!

I did it.

I did it.

We'll take him upstairs and we'll put him to bed.

And then we'll get some sleep.

After all this excitement, I'm just about dead on my feet.

Will he stay like this till morning?

Yes, and his hiccups will be gone.

And then Grandpa will be able to snap him out of his trance at any time.

If I can't, you can always use him as an ironing board.

Okay, you pledges.

As part of your initiation, you spend the night in this old deserted pad.

And if you chicken out, you don't make it with us.

Boy, wonder how the fraternity found this rotten-looking old place.

This looks like the kind of a house you'd have to be dead to move into.

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go on in.

You go first. You're the one who wants to be the big fraternity man.

Did you see that?

That was really very funny, wasn't it? Yeah, real funny.

Yeah, the fraternity must have spent a fortune rigging that gag up.

You know, if we didn't know this was all a put-on, we might just go ape.

Come on, let's split.

No. Come on, let's go see what other gadgets they've got rigged up.

Come on.

Herman, what was that?

Excuse me, poopsie. I forgot you're hypnotized.

It's nothing.

Probably just one of Grandpa's experiments walking around.

A trapdoor.

Come on, let's get down there and see what they've got rigged up for us.

This is crazy. Cobwebs.

Look at this weird set-up here.

Wait.

You know, this is just what those fraternity big-shots wanted us to do.

Yeah, they think they can panic us.

You know that big creep hanging back there is just a dummy?

Yeah, that's what I figured.

You go find out. I'll stay here.

It's cold and clammy.

And he's got a green face.

That's the phoniest dummy I've ever seen.

Dummy. Just a phony dummy.

I knew it all the time. Good night, you big dummy.

I could have sworn somebody was just here.

I guess not.

Shucks.

Why do I always wake up in the middle of a perfect nightmare?

Phil, why did we have to come upstairs?

I want to see what they've got rigged up for us up here.

I can't get over that dummy down there in the basement.

He looked like a four-F vampire.

Get a load of these two.

They look like a couple of rejects from an old Vincent Price movie.

Phil. What?

I'm dropping out of college.

Oh, no, don't tell me you're scared of a couple more wax dummies.

No, I'm just scared of that big green one.

He makes the Hunchback of Notre Dame look like Captain Kangaroo.

He's a phony, John. He's just like everything else in this house.

Wait a minute.

I have got a great idea. Let's get out of here.

We're going to get out of here all right, but we're taking that big dummy with us.

What for? We are going to be famous on campus.

We're going to be legends in our own time.

We are going to take that big green dummy...

and put him in the Alpha Kappa Sorority House.

It's going to be a gas! I'll bet. Come on, let's go.

He's not light.

Grandpa, emergency!

What happened? I'll tell you what happened.

Herman is missing.

I thought you said it was an emergency.

Lily, I think you're trying to tell me something.

Of course she is, Grandpa. Aunt Lily's worried.

Uncle Herman may be wandering around somewhere in a trance.

Well, do something!

Don't just sit there enjoying the obituaries.

Please, I told you I'd take care of it.

I can snap Herman out of it any time.

Herman Munster...

wherever you are...

snap out of the trance.

Snap out of the trance.

Where am I?

Where am I?

Pardon me, madam.

Do you have any idea where...

Madam?

It's just a dress with no people in it.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my Gosh.

I'm in a girl's closet.

Please, let it be Lily's.

I am in a sorority house. And in a sorority house they have girls.

And a married man in a sorority house full of girls means only one thing.

San Quentin.

Where have you been? What's the matter with you? Come on!

I think I was better off in the closet.

Come on. Hurry up. We only have 10 minutes till class.

Where's my hair brush? I think you left it in the bathroom.

Left it in the bathroom?

I think I have time for a shower.

You won't have time for a shower if you're going to get your hair done.

And Nancy said she'd help you with your hairdo, so come on.

I guess a shower is out.

Cindy. Cindy, look.

Oh, my gosh. I didn't know the water was that hot.

Come on, Janice. Let's go down to Nancy's room.

Well, at least I found a cure for the hiccups.

Live steam.

Well, that's the greatest thing I've ever heard.

Gosh, I hope we can get a court.

Tom promised he'd get us one.

He's really a doll, isn't he?

Yeah.

Got to call Lily. She's probably worried stiff about me.

I'm sorry the number you have reached has been temporarily disconnected.

This is a recording.

Hello.

Herman.

You great big green lump of sweetness.

You're safe.

That's right, dear, it's me...

your great big green lump of sweetness. But I'm not safe.

He's in some sort of danger.

Herman, are you there?

I'm here, dear. I'm here and I'm in big trouble.

You've got to help me.

You tell us where you are...

and Grandpa will be right over to rescue you.

You poor lost baby.

Good, I'm in the Alpha Kappa Sorority House.

Sorority house?

Why, you two-bit girl chaser!

And here I was worried about you and you're down there...

playing den mother to a bunch of co-eds!

No, no. Lily, dear, I... Lily?

Lily.

Lily.

Hello?

What was that again? To the left first.

Yeah, like that? Left first and then to the right.

Yeah. Okay.

Now, let's get going.

Grandpa.

I demand that you do something about Herman.

Well, Lily, I got him into this, and I'll get him out of it.

Make way.

It's Count Dracula to the rescue.

Go, Grandpa! Go!

Boy, Cindy, you sure have an uncomfortable bed.

Yeah, I never noticed it was so lumpy before.

Well, maybe it would help if we turned the mattress.

Well, let's try it.

Boy, Cindy, you should clean out some of that junk under your bed.

I just put my foot in a hat box.

Cindy, let's forget it. It's clean sheets tomorrow.

We'll turn it in the morning. Okay.

Cindy, look!

Cindy, come on! We gotta get out of here.

What are we gonna do? It's a bat!

Help! A bat!

Herman, you idiot! Where are you?

Here I am, Grandpa.

Am I happy to see you.

You're a lifesaver. I'm so happy I could kiss you.

Get away from me, you slob. You better get out of here.

Well, fine, but what about you?

I'm a bat. They'll never catch me!

Geronimo!

I'll scare them when they come back.

Look! Where did he come from?

Stay away from me. I'm a bat.

I'm a bat.

Run. Run, I'll fly in your hair!

Hey, will you be careful? You'll break my wings!

Want me to bite you in the neck?

Charlie, I think we got a nut here.

Come on. Let's go. You better be careful.

I am a member of a bat union.

Look, wait a minute. The bat pill, it wore off.

Knock it off, you old wino.

Where's the Dean? They're scaring the women.

Boy, wait till I tell all the kids at school...

that my very own grandfather was a jailbird.

Eddie, please! Not a jailbird, a jail-bat.

I think it was very nice of the police to release you in our custody, Grandpa.

What was the charge again, Grandpa?

First degree chicken chasing? Yeah.

At least we are all together again, safe and sound.

And back to our wonderful normal lives.

And you know what caused this mess?

Herman and his hiccups.

Well, you can rest assured that that will never happen again.

I'm cured and that's that.

Talk to you later, Herman.

I'll be seeing you, Pop.

We'll write you, Uncle Herman.

I'll holler. So long, fathead.