Original subtitles

Hey, Mom, hey, Mom, what are you doing?

I'm making clam chowder for dinner.

Are the clams fresh? Eddie, be careful.

Boy, they sure are fresh.

Where's Grandpa and Pop?

Out in the garage, evidently working on some secret project.

Nobody's supposed to go out there.

They might be working on my birthday present.

You know, my birthday is this Wednesday.

Yes, dear. We know it's Wednesday.

Do you know, Grandpa...

this is gonna be the best birthday present we ever made for Eddie.

Listen here. If you don't give "we" here a hand...

it's gonna be the best graduation present he ever had...

from college yet.

By golly. What do you want me to do, old pal?

What do I want you to do? I'll tell you.

There. You could be oiling that wheel.

All right.

Grandpa...

there's no oil in here.

What do you mean there's no oil? There's plenty of oil in there.

You're right. There is plenty of oil.

Golly. Pop really doesn't want me to see what's going on in the garage.

Hey, neat. Pop's wire-clippers.

Now, to look in the window.

Hey, Mom.

Help.

We caught you. You sneaky little rascal, you.

So long, Mom. Goodbye, dear.

What do you have in the jar, Eddie?

It's my science project for school.

It's a black widow spider. That could be dangerous.

You be real careful when you take the spider out of the jar, Eddie...

so that nobody hurts it.

Sure, Mom. So long. And say goodbye to Grandpa and Pop for me.

Bye, Eddie. Goodbye, dear.

Are Grandpa and Uncle Herman out in the garage, already?

Since daybreak.

They're too interested in what they're doing even to eat.

Isn't this ridiculous?

I'm going out there and have a talk with them.

But I thought their project was supposed to be a secret.

I don't care if it is a secret.

The last time they made a present for Eddie...

it broke loose and swallowed a milk truck.

I'll get to the bottom of this.

Isn't this childish? Barbed wire.

Really obstacles.

Sand bags. Really.

Those two and their top-security.

Listen to me, you two.

Well, Grandpa, look what we caught this time.

Herman Munster, you get me down from here.

Lily, that ought to teach you a lesson, dear.

Curiosity killed the bat.

If you don't get me down from here...

there's going to be something else killed besides a bat.

I don't know, Grandpa. What do you think?

Well, I don't know. But I have an idea.

Let's toss a coin.

Heads, we do. Tails, we don't.

Heads it is. We take her down.

Let's make it two-out-of-three.

Stop that and get me down.

Patience, Peter Pan.

It's okay, Grandpa. Eddie won't be home from school for an hour yet.

Grandpa, it's beautiful.

Grandpa, it is beautiful.

Is this something, or is this something?

Grandpa, you've outdone yourself.

Thank you, Herman. But it's nothing that Detroit...

or Agent 007 couldn't have whipped up.

- I'll take it out for a little test spin. - No, you don't, Herman.

This is for Eddie's birthday tomorrow

and I don't want anything to spoil his surprise.

Yeah, well a little test spin wouldn't hurt. Herman.

Stop it, Grandpa. Herman.

Put the brakes.

Herman, watch out.

Grandpa!

Oh, no.

Poor Eddie. Now another birthday's come and gone.

Forget it, Herman. I don't want to discuss it.

Grandpa, I...

Please, Herman, once and for all, no discussion.

What's this all about? What's this all about?

This stone dome here just wrecked Eddie's birthday present.

Oh, Herman.

Now, Lily. It's not as bad as Grandpa is making out.

Not as bad as Grandpa's making it out.

It couldn't be worse. You ruined Eddie's car...

you ruined the birthday. You...

Look, I don't want to discuss it.

As a matter of fact, I'm not even gonna talk about it.

Herman, get out of this house.

Leave this house at once.

You're telling me to leave my own house?

What do you mean "your own house"? This is my own house.

When the bills are overdue...

who do you think the bank sends the delinquent notices to?

Me. That's who. Herman Munster.

Well, you're forgetting one little thing, Herman Munster...

that when you bought this house, it was I who put down the down payment.

And according to the agreement pact...

exactly one half of this house belongs to me.

That's right, Herman. That was the deal.

One half of the house?

That's the way it's gonna be? Right.

Okay. Okay.

But remember, Grandpa. As the man on television said:

You asked for it.

Herman Munster, what are you doing?

I'm dividing the house into two parts.

And from now on, Grandpa, I'll thank you to stay on your side of the line.

Sorry, but the paper was on my side of the line.

No, it wasn't. It happened to be lying right in the middle of the white line.

Did you say right in the middle of the line?

That's exactly what I said, right in the middle of the white line.

♪♪

Would you look at that, Marilyn?

Just like a couple of big kids.

I just wish Herman was 140 years younger...

I'd put him back in his playpen.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Marilyn. Hi, Eddie.

Hello, Eddie.

What's the white line for?

What is Pop and Grandpa doing in the house?

I thought they'd be out in the garage, working on my secret birthday present.

That was my birthday present they were working on, wasn't it?

Don't you worry, Eddie. You'll have a wonderful birthday tomorrow.

It looks like the white line runs all way through the house.

Well, you see, Eddie...

your father and Grandpa had a little misunderstanding.

Little misunderstanding? Looks like they're having a real rumble.

Poor little fellow.

It's awful having this happen to him on his birthday.

Hey, Mom. The white line runs down the middle of the bathtub.

I know, dear.

And Grandpa can't get hot water on his side.

Hello. Who?

It's for Grandpa. Grandpa, you're wanted on the phone.

I'll be right there.

No, you don't. The phone is on my side of the line.

Lily, would you please hand me the receiver?

Here you are, Grandpa.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hello?

Your party's been cut off.

Marilyn, what are we going to do about this awful family feuding?

The next thing we know, it will be just like the ones in the old country...

and they'll be at each other's throats. Seems to be getting worse.

Spot must be hungry. I'll fix that.

I have his bone right here.

Here you go, Spot.

What's the white line going down Spot's back?

It's all a part of the feud.

Herman and Grandpa even divided up Spot.

And Herman is furious because he got the half that eats.

Marilyn, I think I have it.

Three can play at this house-divided business as well as two.

I'm going to put a stop to all this nonsense once and for all.

Dinner's ready.

I said, dinner is ready.

Grandpa, I didn't know you wore a monocle.

This is not a monocle.

I happened to leave my reading glasses on the white line...

and Herman here, cut them in two.

That pays you back for what you did to my bedroom slippers.

Come on, you two.

Be seated, please.

Well...

Eddie.

Potatoes, Eddie? Yes.

Marilyn.

Could I have some potatoes, please, Marilyn?

Won't you have carrots? Yes, thank you.

Don't forget your carrots now, Eddie.

You will eat only what is in your section and you will not cross the lines.

Dig in.

Boy, Mom. This is good.

Darn. Darn. Darn. Darn.

Grandpa, you're invading Marilyn's territory.

What do we need here? Permission from the UN to get a bite to eat?

All you need is to stop this fighting and make up with Herman...

and erase all the lines.

Go back to making this a peaceful household.

Not me. I'd rather starve first.

Me, too. I'd rather go back to drinking tired blood.

Marilyn, don't put the food away. Why not?

Did you notice?

At dinner, Herman and Grandpa were beginning to weaken.

I know.

Neither one of them wants to be the first to give in.

I believe you're right, Aunt Lily.

I don't recall Grandpa or Uncle Herman ever missing a meal.

Never!

Think they can starve me into submission, do they?

Not when I've got my Instant Transistorized Magnesium Wall Oven.

♪♪

Medium well.

Nothing like it. Instant wolf T-bone steaks.

Wonderful.

Beautiful. I've got that Herman now.

Hi, Spot.

Well done, please.

Good boy.

Thank you.

I can hold out to that stupid old Grandpa forever.

Hey, Mom, I'm going to bed now because tomorrow is my birthday.

I wanna wake up real early...

so I can see what a neat present Pop and Grandpa made me.

Sure, Eddie. Good night.

Oh, uh...

Before you get in bed, be sure to put on the heavier lid.

It's going to be chilly tonight.

All right, you two, break it up. That's enough.

Now, you listen to me.

Tomorrow is Eddie's birthday and I will not have your squabbling spoil it.

And besides that, you're going to have a decent birthday present for Eddie.

We had a decent birthday present ready...

until this big goon here broke it.

Forget that, Grandpa. You two are going out in that garage...

and you're going to make another present for Eddie.

At this hour, dear? We'll be out there all night.

And I need my beauty sleep.

Okay, so you'll be up all night. For our son, it'll be worth it.

Now you two apologize and get on out there and get to work.

Well, only if he gets me another pair of eyeglasses.

Only if he buys me a new pair of bedroom slippers.

Never mind that! Get going!

And now, for the unveiling.

Happy birthday, Eddie.

Well, what do you say, Son?

Thanks. You don't sound very happy.

Golly, Pop, I'm 9 years old.

Not a little kid that gets a kick out of driving a coaster wagon...

up and down the sidewalk.

But, Eddie, it's not a coaster wagon.

It's an airplane.

Sure it is.

Eddie, they worked all night on your present.

That's right, Son. Why don't you get in and pump the pedals?

They make the propellers turn.

Heck, it's still just a kiddy wagon.

Pump the pedals, Eddie.

Hi, everybody.

I'll see you later.

Look, I'm flying.

Here, everybody.

Help! Help!

Herman, don't just hang there. Help me out of here.

Lily, Marilyn, let me down.

Marilyn, do you think we should flip a coin?

You know, that's a good idea.

And when you get through, Herman, I don't want to see one speck of that white line.

I'm finishing as soon as I can, dear.

I want to watch that new Western on TV tonight.

Where the cowboy is a psychiatrist.

He lassos the bad guys and instead of shooting them...

he ties them to a couch and analyzes them.

No, you don't, Herman.

I'm going to watch Agent 8643957-And-A-Half.

Wait a minute, Grandpa. It's going to be the Western.

It's going to be the spy show.

The Western. It's gonna be the spy show and that is final.

Herman Munster, don't you dare.

Just kidding, dear. Just kidding.