Original subtitles

Oh, Grandpa, how are you coming with your radio?

Well, I've just about got it fixed.

Where did you get the parts?

Well, I'll tell you, I found these old tubes down in the dungeon.

That should do it. Now I'll turn it on.

We interrupt this program to bring you a news bulletin.

The city of Rome burned last night.

Emperor Nero was unavailable for comment.

It was rumored he was fiddling at the time.

Unidentified sources close to the emperor...

There.

Boy, are those tubes old. I'll turn it on later.

Find out who won the daily double in the chariot races.

Hey, Mom, has Pop come home yet?

Not yet, dear. Sometimes your father has an awful time flagging down a taxi.

Eddie, this is the third time you've asked. It must be very important.

Eddie, is there something your dear old Grandpa can do for you?

No, Grandpa. I've got to talk to Pop.

Hi, everyone.

Hello, dear.

I'm glad you are home. Eddie wants to talk to you.

He seems to have a problem. Problem?

My son, who has inherited my personality, my good looks...

and my talent, has a problem?

Yes, besides the ones you just mentioned.

Very un-humorous, Grandpa.

Now, Son, what is your little problem?

Well, I...

Come on, you can tell your old dad.

Could I whisper it to you in private?

You want to whisper it to me in private? I guess so.

They just fired on Fort Sumter.

Eddie, what on earth happened?

Search me. I just told Papa I wanted a baby brother.

Is he feeling any better, Lily?

Grandpa, more ice.

Herman, you're all tense.

Tense? My nerves are so tight, every time I

scratch my ear, my leg goes up in the air.

A baby brother? Gee.

I have it all figured out why Eddie wants a baby brother.

You see, it's only natural for a child to want companionship.

Back home I had a whole mausoleum full of brothers and sisters to play with.

If it is just a matter of companionship, I can take care of that.

I'll become a pal to my son.

Herman, what about the age difference?

Do you think it would work? Of course it would work.

The key to the whole thing is to think as a child.

And for me that comes very easy.

I'll show you.

In no time at all...

Eddie will have forgotten all about wanting to have a baby brother.

Olly, olly, outs in free.

What happened?

Herman is practicing to be a child.

Practicing?

That's like Brigitte Bardot practicing to be a girl.

Eddie.

Eddie, it's your old buddy. Pop.

Hiya, pal.

How are you, old pal? Old pal?

Well...

look what we have here. Your model airplane.

Say, I know.

I'll be the pilot and you be the man at control tower.

How about that? Doesn't that sound like neat fun?

Sure, Pop. If you say so.

Pilot to control tower, ready to take off.

Eddie, you're supposed to say "Roger, wilco and out."

Come on, say it. Roger, wilco and out.

Pilot to control tower.

I'm taking off.

Now look what you did. You lost it.

Now, Eddie, I'm sure it's not lost. Let's go right downstairs and get it.

Gee, now you wrecked my airplane.

But, Son, don't you understand? I'm trying to be a buddy to you.

A real friend.

If you want to be a friend, would you do just one thing for me?

Anything you say.

Give me a baby brother to play with.

Hi, Herman.

Herman?

Hi, Grandpa.

Herman, what's the matter? You look like a zombie.

Thank you, but flattery is not going to cheer me up.

What's wrong? What's wrong? Eddie's what's wrong.

He won't give up. He insists that I get him a baby brother.

So I'm just going to have to talk to Lily about it.

Just like that, you're going to talk to Lily...

about getting a baby brother for Eddie.

I think it's a good idea if I let her in on it, too.

Herman, a situation like this requires delicate handling.

Be subtle.

Go and get out some of Eddie's baby things.

When Lily sees them, she will fondly recall Eddie as a baby.

And she will suggest to you...

about enlarging your family.

Grandpa, you're a thinking man's father-in-law.

That's just what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go up the attic and get out Eddie's baby things.

I couldn't find any of Eddie's baby things so I got my own out instead.

But I guess they'll do just as well with Lily.

What do you know?

My old teething ring.

My first pair of booties.

And lookie, my favorite blocks.

And my baby bonnet.

I wonder if it still fits.

And my old rattle.

I was afraid of this.

It took 151 years.

But it finally happened. Well, what's that, Aunt Lily?

Herman is in his second childhood.

Oh, my, I didn't think Eddie's airplane hit him that hard on the head.

I'll take care of this.

Herman Munster, what are you doing?

What am I doing? Don't you get the picture?

I get the picture.

I get the picture of you being hauled off to the flaky farm.

That's not the picture at all.

I'm just giving you a subtle hint that

Eddie wants a new baby brother to play with.

Herman, let's be logical about this.

All right, let's be logical.

I can't be logical when you're wearing that stupid bonnet.

Sorry, dear.

There.

First of all, Eddie is nine years old.

I'll go along with that.

If we had a baby now, by the time it was 9 years old...

how old would Eddie be?

How old would Eddie be? Well, he'd be...

He'd be about...

He'd be almost...

There's only one answer, isn't there? Yes, dear, he'd be 18.

I'll accept that answer.

Now, by the time the new baby was 18...

Eddie would be 27 years old.

Now, you see how it would be? Lily, you know, you're right.

Why would an old man like Eddie want to play with a little kid?

Well, that's not exactly what I meant, but you get the idea.

Wait a minute, Lily. I have the solution. What?

You and I will have a 9-year-old baby...

and get a head start on the whole thing.

Herman...

you are impossible and childish.

Lily, don't you call me that or I'll hit you with my rattle.

Herman, come here.

Grandpa, your idea did not work.

Lily didn't take the hint at all.

I figured you'd goof it up, so I've been working on a solution to your problem.

Come on down here.

Shucks, Grandpa, what solution could you have?

Herman, I've solved the problem of what Eddie's going to play with. Sit down.

I've been down here in the lab all night working on it.

Oh yeah? What did you come up with? A yo-yo?

A beanbag? A pogo stick?

Just sit there. I'll show you.

Voilà!

Boris?

Boris, say hello to your new daddy.

Why, Grandpa, he's beautiful.

Hi, little fellow.

Grandpa, you are the greatest.

Son-in-law, that's the first thing you've said in years that I agree with.

Aren't you two having fun together?

Isn't it heartwarming to see such a wonderful friendship developing?

Having fun, Boris?

It's real neat playing with this construction set.

If we lose one of the parts, we can borrow one of Boris'.

Hi, everyone! Daddy's home!

Hi, Uncle Herman.

How's everything down at the parlor, dear? Not bad.

It was my turn to drive the Go-Go Wagon, so I was out in the field most of the day.

Certainly was good to get back to a stuffy office.

Thank you, Boris. Thank you very much.

Sweet little fellow.

Yes, he was such a help around the house today.

You know, at lunch, he opened all the tin cans with his teeth.

Good boy.

Marilyn, it's about time we thought about getting dinner.

What are we having, dear?

Herman, I heard about a new TV dinner today. How does that sound to you?

Sounds okay. TV dinner.

But wouldn't the dials and the tubes be pretty lumpy?

Come on, Marilyn.

Son, how are you?

I'm okay, I guess.

Oh, and hi, Grandpa.

How are you, old chum, old pal, old buddy, old friend?

You don't have to lay it on. You can have the comics.

Thank you, Boris. Thank you very much.

Son, are you having fun playing with your new little baby brother?

Yeah, it's real neat. That's nice.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I must say, you certainly are a very thoughtful and considerate little fellow.

Good boy.

You know, Edward, your new little baby brother certainly is polite.

Yeah, he sure is.

This is a delicious dinner, Aunt Lily.

Thank you. I thought Chinese food would be good for a change.

More fillet of dragon, Grandpa?

Thank you. Goes good on a chilly day.

Edward, you haven't eaten one thing on your plate, young man.

I don't feel like eating.

Maybe he doesn't feel well.

He isn't green around the gills like he usually is.

Nonsense. Eddie, you clean your plate.

Look at Boris.

He cleaned everything off his plate like a good little boy.

He even ate his spinach.

He knows the value of iron in his system.

And stop picking at your food...

and sit up straight like Boris.

Boris, Boris, Boris!

Boris, Boris, Boris!

I don't want to play.

I said I don't want to play.

Eddie, that was uncalled for.

Now you march upstairs and put your jammies on.

Boy, everybody hates me.

Just for that you can't take your cold-water bottle to bed with you tonight.

Hi, Boris.

What?

You want me to read you a bedtime story?

Amazing how we understand each other.

I guess...

the old wheels up here are really synchronized.

All right, come on, get up on your old Uncle Hermie's lap.

There we go.

Now...

which one do you want me to read first?

This one.

"Goldilocks and the Three Bears."

Good, that's my favorite one, too.

I can hardly wait until they make it into a movie with Doris Day.

"Once upon a time...

"and right in the middle of the forest...

"Goldilocks found this great big house and she decided to go inside."

Boy, this is neat, isn't it, Boris?

"And then the middle-size bear said:

"'Who's been sleeping in my bed?"

"And then the teeny-weeny-weeny tiny bear said:

"'Who's been sleeping in my bed?"

"And then they all went into the..."

The poor little tyke is sound asleep.

That's quite understandable, Herman. He's been pretty wound up all day.

Oh, Herman.

Herman, Eddie isn't in his room. I sent him up to bed but he's not there.

What? Eddie's gone? He can't be!

Sorry, Boris. I didn't mean to wake you.

Marilyn even looked in the attic, and he's not hanging from the rafters.

Quick, Grandpa, you go that way.

Lily, you go that way and I'll go this way.

Herman, will you relax?

Come with me, we'll find him. We just have to go about it the right way.

Herman, it's your fault. You hurt Eddie's feelings and now he's run away from home.

But, Lily...

Uncle Herman, he's not in the house. I've looked everywhere.

Spot's the one who can find Eddie. Here, give me Eddie's jacket.

If anyone can sniff like a bloodhound, it's Spot.

Are you there, Spotty?

Good boy.

Now, Spotty, here's what I want you to do...

I want you to sniff this coat and lead us to Eddie.

With a sniffer like that, he can't miss.

Go find Eddie, Spot. Go fetch.

I think Spot's found him. Let's go.

There he is.

Eddie, my baby.

Lily, I'll get him.

Down, Spot. Good boy.

Eddie, what are you doing up in that tree? Come down here this instant.

I won't. I'm going to stay up here till I

croak, 'cause nobody loves me, nobody cares.

Eddie, we all love you.

We love you from the bottom of your little hoofs...

to the top of your little pointed ears.

Eddie, we all love you very much.

But Pop likes Boris better. I saw him reading him stories and stuff.

That's right. I was, Son.

But I was merely trying to repay a kindness that he did to me.

After all, he got my newspapers, my footstool and...

I was just trying to be considerate to him in return.

That's a lesson I learned years ago in an old Andy Hardy picture.

Come, Son.

Boy, Pop, I'm sorry I misunderstood you, but you love me, don't you?

Of course he does, Eddie.

It's just that sometimes your father is too stupid to show it.

Thank you, Grandpa.

Eddie, your little beddy-bye will feel good. I changed the lining today.

Now Boris is gone.

Boris.

Boris.

Boris, wait. Wait, Boris, don't go!

Be a good boy, stay right here.

He certainly looks like he was serious about running away.

Boy, you ain't kidding, look at this. He took his oilcan...

and his wrench with him.

Boris, how could you do this to your own family?

How could you leave your happy, happy home?

You thought that you were responsible for Eddie leaving home?

But you weren't, Boris. It was all my own fault.

I was acting like a real dope. Please don't run away. You won't, will you?

You know something? You're the greatest playmate a guy could ever have.

See, he thinks you are one, too.

"Dear Mrs. Munster...

"I want to thank you all for sending me to live with Uncle Garret and Aunt Minah...

"on their lovely ranch in Death Valley.

"I'm looking forward to visiting Eddie and all of you on vacations.

"Signed, your loving robot, Boris."

Isn't that a sweet letter?

Yeah. You know, he writes pretty good...

for a kid I slapped together in a couple of hours.

I guess it was for the best we sent him to our relatives.

Especially since the second grade wouldn't accept him without a birth certificate.

Someday all those petty prejudices will be gone.

I only hope little Eddie will be happy without his little mechanical brother.

That will probably take a little time.

Boy, you're a real neat kid. Since I met you, I hardly miss Boris at all.

I like you, too, Eddie.

You climb trees and catch bugs and look for caterpillars, everything.

Yeah, the ickier, the better.