Original subtitles

There it is, my friends...

the old deserted house.

They say at night, strange sounds come from this house.

Come, let's go closer.

Are you afraid?

You don't believe in ghosts, do you?

Well, there's no turning back. You've entered the house of...

Zombo.

Good evening, Commodore.

And good evening, my friends. So nice of you to drop in.

I don't get much company, you know...

except for a few old friends who like to hang around.

Today is our big day.

Yoo-hoo.

I'm home.

Today is the day we announce the winner of...

"I Like Zombo Because..." contest.

Hi, Son. How about a nice big hug for your father?

Will it be you? Or maybe you?

Well, we'll all find out in just a few minutes.

Eddie.

But right now, it's time for Chapter 26...

of Mark of the Werewolf.

Will the werewolf strike again?

I hope so.

He hasn't had a decent meal...

since Chapter 15.

How about a handshake?

As we open tonight's story, our friend the werewolf...

is once again out in the cold.

The wind is blowing and howling.

How about a look?

Hi, Pop.

Darn! Darn! Darn!

You know that Zombo program has become the talk of the neighborhood kids?

I'm glad Eddie likes that program.

It's good, wholesome entertainment.

And every boy needs a legendary hero.

That's fine, but why does he need a stranger for a legendary hero...

when he's got me?

Don't worry, Herman. He'll tire of that program before long.

Sure he will.

And he'll return to the bosom of his family...

and we'll have real togetherness again...

just like that family on the "Share the Deodorant" commercial.

Today, we have a brand-new sponsor.

A revolutionary new snack treat called...

Crumble Creature Crackers.

All you do, my dears...

is take it out of the box like this...

and you destroy it in the bowl.

Then you add milk and drown it like this.

Make snacktime funtime...

with Crumble Creature Crackers.

And now, my friends, come with me.

Here's the moment that you have all been waiting for.

It's time to announce the winner of the...

"I Like Zombo Because..." contest.

Oh, boy!

For all of you who wrote, "I like Zombo" letters...

I would just like to say...

you have good taste.

And now, I would like to say it was a difficult choice...

but the winner is...

Eddie Munster, 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

Who? Me?

Yes, you, Eddie Munster.

We'll be sending you lots of swell prizes right away...

beautiful prizes, but remember...

as the winner, you are going to be my special guest...

next Friday, right here... on the show.

Oh, boy, I won! Hey, everybody, I won!

Hey, you guys, I won!

Wait a minute.

What did you win? The "I Like Zombo" contest.

I get a whole mess of surprises, and I get to be on his T.V. show.

Oh, that's wonderful! Hey, how about that?

Yeah. How about that?

Zombo is the neatest guy.

When I grow up, I want to be just like Zombo.

But, Son, I thought you want to be just like me.

That's what you always used to say, remember?

Sure, Pop, but that was just when I was just a dumb kid.

You know what I mean.

Sure.

I think there's someone's at the door. I bet that's for me.

The guys probably heard Zombo say my name on T.V.

Wait, Eddie. Son?

Where have I failed?

Now, Herman, you know how kids are.

Sure. I know how kids are.

Rotten.

Hey, Eddie, I heard Zombo say you won the contest.

Boy, are you lucky!

Yeah, I wish got to meet him in person.

He's the neatest-looking guy on T.V. I'll say...

He sure is. Boy, the way he talks is really boss.

Mmm-Hmm.

Hey, you guys, I got an idea.

Why don't we form a Zombo club?

And we can all watch Zombo together.

Hey, yes.

Zombo is the greatest.

Zombo is a fink.

Well, what does it say?

Fifty-five.

Absolutely normal. Herman, you are not sick.

But Grandpa, I hurt all over, especially right here.

Where did they put it?

Here it is.

Grandpa, I tell you, I'm in bad shape.

Herman, you're just trying to get attention...

because you're jealous of Zombo.

So Eddie's little friends formed a club, and Eddie's excited about meeting Zombo.

It'll all blow over.

You really think so? I know so.

Herman, you are his father. You've given him

everything he has. I mean, let's face it.

What can Zombo give him that his own father can't?

A portable television set, a bicycle...

a complete scuba outfit, and a model airplane that really flies.

You know, I had no idea Eddie had won so much.

Yes. I haven't seen this much loot since...

we had the winning ticket on the Transylvanian Sweepstakes.

Has Uncle Herman seen all this yet?

Not yet. The poor dear isn't feeling well.

I've just made him another hot caldron of cream-of-buzzard soup.

Well, I guess you're right, Grandpa.

I am being childish about this whole thing.

After all...

a man 150 years old should not act like a spoiled brat.

Take my advice, Herman.

Forget about Zombo. Don't even think about him.

That's just what I'm going to do.

I'm going to put him right out of my mind.

After all, I'm still Eddie's hero. Sure you are.

I'm a hero to the whole family. Of course, Herman.

Now, stick out that granite jaw.

Puff out that barrel chest.

That's it, Herman. You're our hero.

You are our own Mickey Mantle.

Go.

And look what else that lovely man sent Eddie.

Isn't he impressive?

You should read the inscription.

"To Eddie. You kill me. Zombo."

Isn't that sweet?

You know, I had no idea that Zombo was such a handsome man.

Hasn't he got the cutest smirk?

But that twisted nose, it gives him kind of a rugged look.

Oh, that Zombo, he's just a great, big, lovable, voodoo doll.

You know, I just might join Eddie's fan club myself.

Me, too.

Grandpa, Mickey Mantle just struck out.

You want me to drink this? What is it?

It's a secret potion. It won't last long...

but for a short time, you'll be so good-looking...

you'll out-Zombo Zombo.

And then, Eddie and his friends will really have to sit up and take notice.

Cheers. Cheers.

Well? It's not bad.

Not bad at all.

I'll tell you one thing, it certainly beats that Brand X.

Herman, that's not what I mean.

Do you feel it taking effect?

Do I feel it taking effect? No.

No, I don't feel a thing.

I don't think you put in the proper...

I don't think I made it strong enough.

Grandpa.

Grandpa, I'm sorry, I think I broke one of your test tubes.

Herman? Herman, it worked!

What worked? What worked? Just a minute.

Take a look at yourself.

Herman, you are gorgeous!

Grandpa, you've done it!

I'm adorable!

You living doll, you!

Herman, if Tony Curtis looked like you, there'd be no stopping him.

I'm going to go right upstairs, and show Eddie and all his little friends...

how handsome I am.

I'm really going to make a bum out of that Zombo.

Here's your cloak. Thank you.

I got this television and this bike...

and those great walkie-talkies.

Yeah, and this neat plane, too.

Boo.

Hi, Pop.

You recognized me?

Clever boy.

Is that really your pop? Yeah, I guess so.

What's he up to with the corny makeup?

I don't know, I thought those office parties were over till next year.

Well, gang, how do I look?

Gee, Mr. Munster, sir, you look real...

Doesn't he, Frank? Oh, he sure does.

And what do you think, little Billy?

I'd rather not say, sir.

My father told me never to insult older people.

Oh, I see.

And...

what do you think, Edward?

Gee, Pop.

Did you have to go and embarrass me in front of all of my friends like this?

But Eddie...

I thought if you liked Zombo so much, you'd really dig this.

But Pop, Zombo's a real guy.

You're just faking.

Come on, guys.

Well, Herman, how did it go? I'll bet you were a smash.

Smash.

I'll smash you, you mad, dumb, old scientist, you!

Where's Lily and Eddie?

Why, Grandpa...

today is the day that Eddie's to appear on Zombo's television show.

Aunt Lily took him down to the studio.

So that's why Herman is up in his room sulking.

Don't you think he'll come down to watch his own son on television?

Well, I don't know.

The last time I looked in, he was banging his head on the floor.

I know Uncle Herman is a little bit jealous, but...

He wouldn't go that far.

There goes old sorehead again.

You must be Eddie Munster.

Yes, sir. And this is my mother.

How do you do, Mrs. Munster?

My name is Dave Swenson, I'm the director of the show.

Glad to meet you.

I must say, Mrs. Munster, you and the boy certainly are awfully good sports.

Thank you. Why?

I mean, getting all decked out in these crazy outfits...

just to come down and see the show.

Yes, well.

All right, Eddie, here he is. This is Zombo.

Hi there, Eddie.

You're just kidding, aren't you, mister? This isn't Zombo.

No, he isn't kidding. I'm Zombo, all right.

You just don't recognize me without my makeup and my costume.

Mrs. Munster, why don't you and Eddie sit over there and watch?

Hurry him up, will you, Cal? We're on in 30 minutes.

Hey, Mom, you know what I think? I think that he's a fake.

They've probably got the real Zombo tied up someplace.

No, Eddie, it's just that sometimes...

people look a little different in person than they do on television.

Boy, I'll say...

he's the weirdest looking guy I ever saw.

There we are, Eddie.

A little makeup, my wig...

my claws and my hat...

and my cape...

and of course, my teeth. I mustn't forget those.

And here I am, your old friend...

Zombo.

Yeah.

Come on, Uncle Herman, the show goes on in a few minutes.

I won't do it!

I won't watch that dumb old Zombo.

Come on, Herman.

When that show goes on...

you're going to be sitting in front of the television set.

Okay, but I'll have my eyes closed.

Uncle Herman, you'll do no such thing.

Well, I'll keep one closed.

I won't do it!

And you can't make me.

Come on, Herman, this is ridiculous.

Now, Eddie, when Zombo calls your name...

you walk in front of the camera with Zombo.

You got that?

Hey, what's wrong with Zombo's house? It's crummy.

And what are those guys doing?

They make the mist and the cobwebs...

you see on your screen.

Isn't anything around here real?

Real? This is television.

There he is.

The stranger that invaded my happy home on that boob tube.

Oh, look, there's Eddie. Marilyn, quick. Turn up the sound

and today he's my special guest star.

Well, Eddie, how does it feel to sit here...

with Zombo in his house of horrors?

What's the matter? The bat's got your tongue?

Tell me, Eddie...

is there anything you want to say to all your friends and fiends...

in television land?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd like to tell everybody that Zombo is nothing but a big fake.

Grandpa, he's a phony. Attaboy, Eddie.

Give it to him, Son, give it to him.

Give him one for Grandpa. Bite him in the neck!

Cut, cut!

Stop.

That rotten kid! I'll never forgive!

Due to technical difficulties beyond our control...

the Zombo show will not be seen this afternoon.

Or ever.

Mom!

My child.

You... you...

Don't you lay a hand on my poor boy!

Your poor boy just ruined Zombo.

I'm glad it happened, do you hear me?

I'm glad. I've tried to get out of...

I've tried to get out of this contract for a month now.

I am made for much better things.

Macbeth, Hamlet, My Mother the Car.

Thanks to you, Eddie, you've made me a free man.

Eddie...

don't grow up to be like Zombo.

Grow up to be a nice, normal, human being...

like your father.

Now, Eddie, don't take it so hard.

But, Pop, Zombo's nothing but a fake.

Without his makeup and everything, he's nothing but an ordinary actor.

There should be a law against fooling kids like that.

But, Son, that's an actor's job, to pretend.

He's supposed to make someone believe in something.

You see, when you're very young, like you are...

and all your little friends...

it's a lot more fun if you believe what you're seeing is real.

Pop, you knew that Zombo was really an actor all the time, didn't you?

When you get right down to it, your old dad's a pretty sharp cat.

I'm going to go tell the guys in my club...

just how you explained Zombo being an actor.

See you, Pop. See you, Eddie.

Well, Herman...

I don't know what you said to Eddie, but it certainly seems to have worked.

Yep. I guess his old dad knew how to handle the situation.

Somehow, I wish he hadn't exposed Zombo on T.V. as a fake, though.

So do I.

It must have disappointed a lot of little children who believed in him.

Little children? How about me?

Herman, you don't mean to say you believed in Zombo?

I must admit I was...

jealous of him for a while, but...

I sure think he's a super-neato guy.

Oh, Herman.