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1
00:00:02,346 --> 00:00:03,345
[music playing on tv]
2
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:04,813
Alright, come on.
Flip it over.
3
00:00:04,948 --> 00:00:06,481
My show isn't over yet!
4
00:00:06,616 --> 00:00:07,815
[sighs]
5
00:00:07,851 --> 00:00:10,351
-[music swells and fades]
-there.
6
00:00:10,421 --> 00:00:12,253
-Your turn.
-Oh, finally!
7
00:00:12,255 --> 00:00:14,923
Whoa, it's my turn!
I want to watch the weather!
8
00:00:14,925 --> 00:00:16,357
Then look out the window, pop!
9
00:00:16,427 --> 00:00:19,761
The long-range weather
forecast, clever clogs!
10
00:00:19,763 --> 00:00:21,029
Like you need it!
11
00:00:21,098 --> 00:00:23,097
You're 80!
12
00:00:23,099 --> 00:00:25,766
Adult mark: In our house, you had to book your tv slot
13
00:00:25,803 --> 00:00:27,668
Weeks in advance.
14
00:00:27,704 --> 00:00:30,272
Casablanca's playing
on the great money movie
15
00:00:30,274 --> 00:00:31,973
In two weeks' time.
16
00:00:31,975 --> 00:00:33,908
6 pm sharp.
17
00:00:33,944 --> 00:00:37,412
No talking, no telephone calls.
18
00:00:37,414 --> 00:00:41,149
Let's all do our part
to make this happen, hey?
19
00:00:41,151 --> 00:00:42,917
Tv: And now for
our long-range forecast.
20
00:00:42,986 --> 00:00:44,586
Tuesday, fog.
21
00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:46,254
Wednesday, fog.
22
00:00:46,256 --> 00:00:47,856
Thursday, foggy.
23
00:00:47,991 --> 00:00:49,857
Friday, foggy with
a chance of rain.
24
00:00:49,893 --> 00:00:52,160
Mark: This is not entertaining.
25
00:00:52,162 --> 00:00:53,595
Breaking news!
26
00:00:53,664 --> 00:00:57,065
Vocm's own mike critch has won
the edward r. Murrow award
27
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,601
For ethics in broadcasting!
28
00:00:59,603 --> 00:01:00,801
Way to go, dad!
29
00:01:00,838 --> 00:01:02,203
Mary: Mike, I'm so proud!
30
00:01:02,272 --> 00:01:03,471
It's no big deal.
31
00:01:03,474 --> 00:01:04,673
Any cash with it?
32
00:01:04,808 --> 00:01:06,474
No, but they're having
a fancy award night
33
00:01:06,477 --> 00:01:07,976
With a steak dinner
and everything!
34
00:01:07,978 --> 00:01:09,811
A night out!
What'll I wear?
35
00:01:09,946 --> 00:01:11,746
Oh, that's wonderful!
36
00:01:11,815 --> 00:01:13,081
Your award, I mean.
37
00:01:13,216 --> 00:01:15,550
Oh, gosh!
Oh, mike!
38
00:01:15,552 --> 00:01:17,618
Adult mark: I never missed an award show.
39
00:01:17,654 --> 00:01:20,821
The oscars, the tonys, the marks...
40
00:01:20,858 --> 00:01:23,157
Wow, best person!
41
00:01:23,193 --> 00:01:24,559
Thank you.
42
00:01:24,694 --> 00:01:28,029
[applause]
43
00:01:28,098 --> 00:01:30,231
Mark: [on tv] I am humbled.
44
00:01:30,367 --> 00:01:34,435
First off, this doesn't mean I'm
better than anyone here tonight.
45
00:01:34,505 --> 00:01:38,773
It just says it, right here,
on the award.
46
00:01:38,842 --> 00:01:40,308
[applause]
47
00:01:40,377 --> 00:01:42,644
I want to thank
all the little people,
48
00:01:42,713 --> 00:01:44,913
The kindergartners.
49
00:01:44,982 --> 00:01:47,115
But mostly, fox.
50
00:01:47,117 --> 00:01:48,917
[audience chanting
"mark, mark!"]
51
00:01:48,986 --> 00:01:50,318
Thank you.
52
00:01:50,354 --> 00:01:53,321
Pop: Mark, you're right
in front of the television!
53
00:01:53,357 --> 00:01:54,723
Mark: Uh...
54
00:01:54,858 --> 00:01:57,592
What's wrong with you...?
55
00:01:57,628 --> 00:01:58,793
Sorry.
56
00:01:58,862 --> 00:02:00,395
Well,
great money movie's comin' on.
57
00:02:00,397 --> 00:02:01,529
Pipe down!
58
00:02:01,565 --> 00:02:03,798
Mary, hold my calls, would ya?
59
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,002
[music playing on tv]
60
00:02:08,071 --> 00:02:11,105
♪
61
00:02:11,141 --> 00:02:13,741
Adult mark: I got the bus just when my father
62
00:02:13,810 --> 00:02:15,210
Was coming on the radio.
63
00:02:15,212 --> 00:02:16,745
Hey!
64
00:02:16,747 --> 00:02:20,181
Dick: [on radio] and now,
the vocm news with mike critch.
65
00:02:20,217 --> 00:02:23,618
Aww...
Is that the baby's daddy?
66
00:02:23,753 --> 00:02:27,355
Middle fox: Vocm,
voice of the child's...
67
00:02:27,357 --> 00:02:28,689
Man!
68
00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:29,824
What?
69
00:02:29,826 --> 00:02:31,059
Mike sr: [on radio]
this just in,
70
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:32,526
Crime spree at coleman's!
71
00:02:32,663 --> 00:02:34,028
Late last night,
early this morning,
72
00:02:34,064 --> 00:02:35,830
Police were called to
coleman's supermarket.
73
00:02:35,965 --> 00:02:38,667
A male suspect allegedly
absconded with steaks
74
00:02:38,669 --> 00:02:41,836
And cheddar, hiding them down
the front of his pants.
75
00:02:41,838 --> 00:02:43,504
The police gave chase,
apprehending the man
76
00:02:43,574 --> 00:02:48,443
As he urinated against a fence,
exposing his meats and cheeses.
77
00:02:48,445 --> 00:02:51,379
The suspect is scheduled for a
bail hearing in provincial court
78
00:02:51,415 --> 00:02:54,516
When we will learn
the name of the "beef bandit."
79
00:02:54,651 --> 00:02:59,720
Mike critch
for the award-winning vocm news.
80
00:02:59,756 --> 00:03:01,923
Mm, stunning!
81
00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:03,725
Yes!
82
00:03:03,794 --> 00:03:05,927
How it's done!
[chuckles]
83
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:07,395
[laughter on bus]
84
00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:09,664
Adult mark: The kids loved to make fun of dad.
85
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:13,702
The only way to beat 'em was to join 'em.
86
00:03:13,837 --> 00:03:15,537
Ohhh!
87
00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:17,205
Oh, don't catch me!
88
00:03:17,274 --> 00:03:19,340
Oh, don't look at my
meats and cheeses, ohhh!
89
00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:22,277
-Ohhh!
-Sit down, dumbass!
90
00:03:22,279 --> 00:03:25,146
Whoa!
I was just making fun of my dad!
91
00:03:25,148 --> 00:03:28,316
You mean my dad.
92
00:03:28,385 --> 00:03:30,551
-Your dad?
-Shut up!
93
00:03:30,587 --> 00:03:33,621
When everyone finds out,
my life is over.
94
00:03:33,624 --> 00:03:37,224
He put meat down his pants.
95
00:03:37,261 --> 00:03:39,227
It's not that bad.
96
00:03:41,832 --> 00:03:44,099
Okay, it's bad.
97
00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:45,633
But no one's gonna
know it's him.
98
00:03:45,636 --> 00:03:47,235
When he has his court date,
99
00:03:47,304 --> 00:03:49,170
Your dad is gonna
broadcast his name
100
00:03:49,239 --> 00:03:51,773
And the whole bus will know.
101
00:03:51,842 --> 00:03:53,441
I'll ask him not to.
102
00:03:53,477 --> 00:03:55,109
He won't rat out your dad.
103
00:03:55,145 --> 00:03:56,244
Trust me.
104
00:03:56,313 --> 00:03:59,914
He's an award-winning
man of ethics.
105
00:03:59,983 --> 00:04:02,250
I promise.
106
00:04:02,319 --> 00:04:05,320
♪
107
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:08,055
Mike sr: [indistinct]
108
00:04:08,091 --> 00:04:11,392
Are you sure?
When's the announcement?
109
00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:14,595
Any word from the chief?
110
00:04:14,665 --> 00:04:17,332
Mike jr: Dick, would you...
111
00:04:17,467 --> 00:04:20,468
I dunno, eat meat that
had been down a man's pants?
112
00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:23,338
-Depends on the type.
-Mm.
113
00:04:23,473 --> 00:04:25,407
-Ground?
-Frig no.
114
00:04:27,511 --> 00:04:28,877
Striploin?
115
00:04:28,879 --> 00:04:32,080
Friggin' right.
That's an expensive cut.
116
00:04:34,551 --> 00:04:37,318
What if it had been
down the back of his pants?
117
00:04:40,023 --> 00:04:41,289
I stand by my answer.
118
00:04:41,358 --> 00:04:42,657
Mike sr: [background]
bye, now.
119
00:04:42,659 --> 00:04:43,591
Mike jr: Good man.
120
00:04:43,727 --> 00:04:45,259
More breaking news, boys!
121
00:04:45,261 --> 00:04:48,396
Police in newfoundland are
finally going to be issued guns!
122
00:04:48,398 --> 00:04:50,598
Because of buddy with
the cheese in his pants?
123
00:04:50,634 --> 00:04:52,701
Hey, this is
two big scoops in a day!
124
00:04:52,836 --> 00:04:55,537
Good work, dad!
125
00:04:55,672 --> 00:04:57,138
Enough.
126
00:04:59,376 --> 00:05:02,443
Reporter: [on tv] don't
more guns mean more danger?
127
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,178
Officer butt: [on tv]
not at all.
128
00:05:04,214 --> 00:05:06,781
The guns will be kept
under lock and key.
129
00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:11,586
Geez, I... I had the keys
here a minute ago.
130
00:05:11,655 --> 00:05:13,854
Oh, he wouldn't know
his arse from his elbow!
131
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:17,058
-Reporter: For cjqn news, I'm--
-[channel switches]
132
00:05:17,193 --> 00:05:18,760
-What's this, then?
-Hm?
133
00:05:18,829 --> 00:05:20,228
-This?
-Oh, um...
134
00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:22,397
Yeah, did-- didn't I mention it?
135
00:05:22,399 --> 00:05:23,798
Yeah, I got cable.
136
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:25,533
We can't afford cable!
137
00:05:25,602 --> 00:05:27,001
Oh, relax.
138
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,068
I'm paying for it.
139
00:05:28,105 --> 00:05:30,738
-Oh, pssht.
-Oh, just pipe down.
140
00:05:30,741 --> 00:05:34,476
Now, this film
has partial nudity,
141
00:05:34,611 --> 00:05:36,411
And I want to see which part.
142
00:05:36,413 --> 00:05:39,547
You know, if you're throwin'
money around, we have bills.
143
00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:43,284
Tv: Up next on moviemax,
sylvester stallone as rambo
144
00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:44,819
In "first blood."
145
00:05:44,954 --> 00:05:48,122
[dramatic music]
146
00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:49,924
Narration: Sylvester stallone.
147
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,661
This time,
he's fighting for his life.
148
00:05:53,697 --> 00:05:56,030
First blood.
149
00:05:56,099 --> 00:05:58,232
♪
150
00:05:58,268 --> 00:06:01,101
Well, I suppose we don't need
to get rid of the cable
151
00:06:01,138 --> 00:06:03,504
Right this second, now, do we?
152
00:06:05,776 --> 00:06:08,042
I need to use the washroom.
153
00:06:08,078 --> 00:06:10,044
Teachers pee?
Gross.
154
00:06:10,113 --> 00:06:12,079
Ms. Fowler: Continue with
your math assignments.
155
00:06:12,115 --> 00:06:16,083
Mark, if anyone makes any noise,
write their name on the board.
156
00:06:16,119 --> 00:06:17,852
[sighs]
157
00:06:17,921 --> 00:06:19,187
Adult mark: Of course she chose
158
00:06:19,256 --> 00:06:22,289
The son of the most ethical man in town!
159
00:06:26,062 --> 00:06:27,996
Hey!
Cut it out!
160
00:06:28,131 --> 00:06:29,597
I'll allow it.
161
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:32,333
Critches ain't snitches.
162
00:06:34,905 --> 00:06:36,137
Hey!
163
00:06:36,139 --> 00:06:38,573
The cheese bandit strikes again!
164
00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:39,741
[laughter]
165
00:06:39,876 --> 00:06:41,075
Quit it, ritche.
166
00:06:41,211 --> 00:06:44,545
The whole world's wondering,
where's the beef?
167
00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:46,280
It's down my pants!
168
00:06:46,316 --> 00:06:47,815
[laughter]
169
00:06:47,951 --> 00:06:49,951
Adult mark: My father had won an award for his ethics,
170
00:06:49,953 --> 00:06:51,819
But now I faced an ethical dilemma.
171
00:06:51,822 --> 00:06:54,656
Did I protect fox, or rat out my best friend?
172
00:06:54,658 --> 00:06:55,723
I'm being serious.
173
00:06:55,859 --> 00:06:58,092
Settle down or I'll--
174
00:06:58,228 --> 00:06:59,293
You'll what?
175
00:06:59,429 --> 00:07:02,630
Critches aren't snitches, right?
176
00:07:02,632 --> 00:07:04,365
[scrawls on blackboard]
177
00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:06,034
You wouldn't dare.
178
00:07:06,169 --> 00:07:07,936
It doesn't have to be this way.
179
00:07:08,071 --> 00:07:10,170
Just... Stop talking!
180
00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:11,739
Sit down, loser!
181
00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:13,241
Hey, she just talked!
182
00:07:13,376 --> 00:07:14,942
Write her name down!
183
00:07:14,978 --> 00:07:16,177
What the heck?
184
00:07:16,312 --> 00:07:17,812
Don't make me do this.
185
00:07:17,881 --> 00:07:20,448
Come on, you love jokes!
Hey!
186
00:07:20,517 --> 00:07:23,351
Is that a ribeye in your pocket,
or are you just happy to see me?
187
00:07:23,353 --> 00:07:25,820
-Shut up!
-Fox talked!
188
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:27,521
I bet it's 'cause she's a girl.
189
00:07:27,523 --> 00:07:29,790
Mark: Oh!
Okay.
190
00:07:29,826 --> 00:07:31,859
Not fair!
191
00:07:31,862 --> 00:07:33,995
[dramatic music]
192
00:07:33,997 --> 00:07:35,362
Marion: Stop writing our names!
193
00:07:35,364 --> 00:07:36,864
Adult mark: It was like a fever dream.
194
00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:38,032
Ritche: What are you doing, man?
195
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:39,334
Adult mark: Something came over me,
196
00:07:39,336 --> 00:07:41,002
And before I knew what I was doing...
197
00:07:41,071 --> 00:07:42,603
Well, that's a first.
198
00:07:42,739 --> 00:07:44,405
Mark the narc, is it?
199
00:07:44,541 --> 00:07:46,607
Uh, uh...
200
00:07:46,643 --> 00:07:49,210
Adult mark: Busted for busting.
201
00:07:51,114 --> 00:07:52,546
Hey, mike.
202
00:07:52,548 --> 00:07:54,815
What do you think
of this ad copy?
203
00:07:54,817 --> 00:07:56,284
[radio voice]
"this is dick dunphy!
204
00:07:56,419 --> 00:07:58,819
"I'll be broadcasting
live this afternoon
205
00:07:58,889 --> 00:08:00,288
"from coleman's supermarket
206
00:08:00,357 --> 00:08:03,357
"where the deals
are practically criminal.
207
00:08:03,493 --> 00:08:05,493
"I'll be giving out
as many packs of
208
00:08:05,562 --> 00:08:08,796
"kraft singles and hot dogs
as you can fit in your pants.
209
00:08:08,932 --> 00:08:12,166
"make off like a bandit
at coleman's."
210
00:08:12,202 --> 00:08:14,902
Mike jr: Oh!
211
00:08:14,905 --> 00:08:16,437
This is why you're the master.
212
00:08:16,506 --> 00:08:17,905
Hm!
213
00:08:17,908 --> 00:08:20,908
Hey, dad, you should do
an update on the beef bandit.
214
00:08:20,911 --> 00:08:22,476
I mean, it's the hottest story
in town right now.
215
00:08:22,546 --> 00:08:25,313
Nothing new to report
until we get a name.
216
00:08:25,382 --> 00:08:28,382
[phone rings]
217
00:08:28,418 --> 00:08:30,652
Vocm newsroom.
Mike critch speaking.
218
00:08:30,787 --> 00:08:31,786
Mike, it's me.
219
00:08:31,855 --> 00:08:34,922
Oh, hello, officer butt.
220
00:08:34,925 --> 00:08:38,092
Wondering if you heard
anything about a lost gun?
221
00:08:39,863 --> 00:08:41,262
[quietly]
you lost your gun?
222
00:08:41,264 --> 00:08:43,263
No, no!
223
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:46,400
Why, did anyone
say they found one?
224
00:08:46,436 --> 00:08:48,736
You know I have
a duty to report this.
225
00:08:48,738 --> 00:08:50,538
Not if you want
any more hot tips,
226
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:53,608
Like the one I gave you about
the steak and cheese bandit.
227
00:08:53,743 --> 00:08:56,076
I'd lose me job, mike.
228
00:08:59,115 --> 00:09:00,615
[sighs]
229
00:09:00,617 --> 00:09:01,949
Was that a tip?
230
00:09:01,985 --> 00:09:04,152
You get a name?
231
00:09:04,287 --> 00:09:05,353
No.
232
00:09:05,488 --> 00:09:08,088
Ah, it was nothin'.
233
00:09:08,124 --> 00:09:14,295
[dramatic music]
234
00:09:14,297 --> 00:09:16,097
Dick: [indistinct]
235
00:09:16,166 --> 00:09:17,298
Mike jr: Twenty...
236
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,701
[explosion
and dogs barking on tv]
237
00:09:19,836 --> 00:09:22,903
[zapping sounds]
238
00:09:22,973 --> 00:09:24,839
Pop: Hm...
239
00:09:24,841 --> 00:09:28,009
Ooh!
This thing's some hot!
240
00:09:28,144 --> 00:09:29,677
We should call cable atlantic.
241
00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:31,112
-[gunshots on tv]
-no!
242
00:09:31,114 --> 00:09:33,414
No, no.
We won't be doing that.
243
00:09:33,483 --> 00:09:36,918
You see, the cable company
doesn't technically know
244
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:38,319
We've got cable.
245
00:09:38,321 --> 00:09:40,254
No, it's a descrambler.
246
00:09:40,323 --> 00:09:43,257
You bloody shagger!
This is illegal!
247
00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:45,959
Mike is liable to
just turn himself in!
248
00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:47,094
Fine.
249
00:09:47,163 --> 00:09:49,063
Say goodbye to rambo ii, then.
250
00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:52,200
No...
251
00:09:54,871 --> 00:09:57,572
[in a whisper] let's keep it
between ourselves for now.
252
00:09:57,707 --> 00:09:59,540
-[switches channel]
-mary: The beaver!
253
00:09:59,542 --> 00:10:01,876
Oh, how interesting.
254
00:10:01,878 --> 00:10:04,078
Dad, can I talk to you
about the beef bandit?
255
00:10:04,213 --> 00:10:05,613
I don't know who he is.
256
00:10:05,615 --> 00:10:07,081
You gotta wait till tomorrow
like everyone else.
257
00:10:07,216 --> 00:10:10,017
I already know who it is, dad.
258
00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:11,786
The beef bandit is fox's dad.
259
00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:13,554
Fox's father is the thief?
260
00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:15,956
Adult mark: Mark the narc strikes again!
261
00:10:16,092 --> 00:10:17,257
You can't say anything!
262
00:10:17,293 --> 00:10:19,026
It'll ruin fox's life!
263
00:10:19,029 --> 00:10:21,229
And she will end mine!
264
00:10:21,231 --> 00:10:23,731
It's gonna come out
whether I report it or not.
265
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,300
But you're the one who
the kids listen to on the bus.
266
00:10:26,436 --> 00:10:28,302
I promised her you wouldn't.
267
00:10:28,371 --> 00:10:29,470
Please!
268
00:10:29,472 --> 00:10:31,505
For me.
269
00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:33,373
Look, it's not personal.
270
00:10:33,510 --> 00:10:35,810
Not personal?
I'm your son!
271
00:10:35,945 --> 00:10:37,445
If I make an exception
for family,
272
00:10:37,514 --> 00:10:38,946
Then I'm no better than he is!
273
00:10:39,015 --> 00:10:39,981
Right, mary?
274
00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:41,516
Couldn't agree more!
275
00:10:41,518 --> 00:10:44,852
Spot on, son!
276
00:10:44,854 --> 00:10:46,654
We gotta get rid of
that descrambler.
277
00:10:46,789 --> 00:10:49,590
Pop: Just as soon as rambo
comes out of the jungle.
278
00:10:49,592 --> 00:10:51,825
Yes!
279
00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:56,597
Pop: Mm.
280
00:10:58,535 --> 00:11:01,068
Oh.
Hello, fox.
281
00:11:01,071 --> 00:11:02,804
I didn't realize the time.
282
00:11:02,806 --> 00:11:04,872
We were just finishing up
some homework.
283
00:11:04,874 --> 00:11:08,076
Sorry, I didn't know
you were about to eat.
284
00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:09,477
Adult mark: But I did.
285
00:11:10,814 --> 00:11:12,346
Dad could say no to me,but could he say no to the face
286
00:11:12,382 --> 00:11:15,282
Of the poor girl he was about to send to the orphanage--
287
00:11:15,318 --> 00:11:17,251
Or, at least, her mom's house?
288
00:11:17,253 --> 00:11:20,088
Go on.
You sit down, hm?
289
00:11:20,223 --> 00:11:22,890
Uh, uh--
yeah, no, uh, that's my seat.
290
00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:25,993
But the seat next to
dad's open, though.
291
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:33,033
Mary: There you go, dear.
292
00:11:34,037 --> 00:11:35,703
Ah.
293
00:11:35,705 --> 00:11:39,607
There's nothing like
a meal with your family.
294
00:11:39,676 --> 00:11:42,944
Uh, I hear you're
getting some big award?
295
00:11:42,946 --> 00:11:44,645
Oh, it's nothing.
296
00:11:44,781 --> 00:11:48,349
Mary: Did you know he broke
the beef bandit story, too, huh?
297
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:50,318
Pop: It's quite a story!
298
00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:54,121
Apparently this fella sticks
the goods down his trousers.
299
00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:55,656
And then...
300
00:11:55,725 --> 00:11:57,191
Then he's gotta pee!
301
00:11:57,227 --> 00:11:59,326
Ha, imagine the pressure!
302
00:11:59,395 --> 00:12:00,661
[laughs]
303
00:12:00,663 --> 00:12:02,864
Adult mark: Imagine? I was living it!
304
00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:05,566
Mary: People putting pork
down their pants...
305
00:12:05,602 --> 00:12:06,534
Perverts!
306
00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:08,069
Mark: But doesn't the bible say
307
00:12:08,071 --> 00:12:10,204
You can steal to
feed your family?
308
00:12:10,273 --> 00:12:11,539
Adverbs 6:30?
309
00:12:11,541 --> 00:12:13,207
How about
"thou shalt not steal"?
310
00:12:13,342 --> 00:12:14,875
You familiar with that one?
311
00:12:14,944 --> 00:12:18,012
No offence, fox.
312
00:12:18,147 --> 00:12:20,648
Oh my god, mark!
313
00:12:20,717 --> 00:12:22,883
Wha--
314
00:12:22,919 --> 00:12:25,553
Whoa, she's making a getaway!
315
00:12:25,555 --> 00:12:28,288
Check her pants for cheddar
on the way out! [laughs]
316
00:12:28,324 --> 00:12:30,224
Pop!
Fox...
317
00:12:30,226 --> 00:12:31,292
Please.
318
00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:32,559
I was just trying to help!
319
00:12:32,595 --> 00:12:34,361
I knew I shouldn't
have trusted you!
320
00:12:34,397 --> 00:12:35,896
He's gonna tell everyone!
321
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:38,699
He says he has no choice.
322
00:12:38,835 --> 00:12:40,568
I expect my dad
to let me down.
323
00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:42,769
But you...?
324
00:12:42,806 --> 00:12:44,371
You're just like everyone else.
325
00:12:44,506 --> 00:12:47,308
No!
No, wait...
326
00:12:47,443 --> 00:12:48,242
[door closes]
327
00:12:49,512 --> 00:12:51,979
[police siren]
328
00:12:58,955 --> 00:13:01,322
What the frig you want?
329
00:13:01,324 --> 00:13:03,757
This may seem strange, but...
330
00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:05,793
I want to know why you did it.
331
00:13:05,795 --> 00:13:09,263
What difference does it make?
332
00:13:09,265 --> 00:13:10,397
Was it to eat?
333
00:13:10,433 --> 00:13:12,400
Look, I'm not an animal.
334
00:13:12,535 --> 00:13:15,269
I don't eat nudding
that touches my privates.
335
00:13:15,404 --> 00:13:17,805
I shoplifts meats and cheese
336
00:13:17,874 --> 00:13:20,607
And sells 'em
to the pizza joint.
337
00:13:20,643 --> 00:13:21,676
But...
338
00:13:21,811 --> 00:13:23,678
Why?
339
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:28,883
You ever worry about how you're
gonna feed your kids, mike?
340
00:13:28,885 --> 00:13:31,152
Yeah, some newsman you are.
341
00:13:31,154 --> 00:13:34,154
You don't know nudding
about the real world.
342
00:13:37,026 --> 00:13:38,358
Anything you want to say?
343
00:13:38,394 --> 00:13:41,161
Nothing that's fit
to put on the radio.
344
00:13:43,233 --> 00:13:46,968
Look, I'm not a bad guy, mike.
I just...
345
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:49,770
Never had a chance.
346
00:13:53,009 --> 00:13:55,175
You let me know if you
need any meats and cheeses
347
00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:56,711
When I get outta here.
348
00:13:56,713 --> 00:13:58,112
I knows a guy!
349
00:13:58,114 --> 00:14:00,247
[chuckles]
350
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:02,683
[door buzzer]
351
00:14:04,187 --> 00:14:07,655
Mary: I saw your advertisement
on the television,
352
00:14:07,657 --> 00:14:10,190
And I would like
to enter your contest.
353
00:14:10,226 --> 00:14:12,259
Oh, yes,
I am a cable subscriber!
354
00:14:12,328 --> 00:14:13,260
Pop: Wha--
355
00:14:13,329 --> 00:14:16,263
That's right,
303 kenmount road.
356
00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:18,399
Pop: Shh!
It's a trap!
357
00:14:18,401 --> 00:14:20,134
It's a trap!
358
00:14:20,136 --> 00:14:23,070
For frig sake!
I'm trying to win us a new tv!
359
00:14:23,072 --> 00:14:25,272
The cable company said they're
giving one away to anyone
360
00:14:25,275 --> 00:14:26,540
Who has the movie channel!
361
00:14:26,576 --> 00:14:31,078
It's a trap to catch people
with descramblers!
362
00:14:31,213 --> 00:14:35,282
You have got us
headed to the big house!
363
00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:36,884
Think they've got cable?
364
00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:38,286
Mary: Oh!
365
00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:42,289
♪
366
00:14:42,358 --> 00:14:43,491
[sighs]
367
00:14:47,964 --> 00:14:49,964
You're here late.
368
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:52,099
Oh...
Yeah, I'm just, uh,
369
00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:54,568
Working on my speech
for the awards banquet.
370
00:14:54,703 --> 00:14:56,704
I'm having a bit
of trouble with it.
371
00:14:56,706 --> 00:14:57,871
What?
372
00:14:57,907 --> 00:15:00,174
The award's for ethics,
isn't it?
373
00:15:00,243 --> 00:15:02,443
That's your whole shtick!
374
00:15:02,578 --> 00:15:05,646
I mean, come on, just say what
you always told us growing up.
375
00:15:05,648 --> 00:15:07,982
"there's the right way
and the wrong way."
376
00:15:07,984 --> 00:15:10,317
"it's either a truth or a lie."
377
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,721
"it's good guys
versus bad guys!"
378
00:15:13,723 --> 00:15:18,426
You know, all that crap.
379
00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:19,926
Hey, come on.
380
00:15:19,963 --> 00:15:22,529
You got this.
381
00:15:22,565 --> 00:15:27,534
[sentimental music]
382
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:31,138
♪
383
00:15:42,752 --> 00:15:44,418
Adult mark: Dad won a major prize,
384
00:15:44,420 --> 00:15:47,287
But to him, the greatest prize of all was the free meal.
385
00:15:47,357 --> 00:15:50,290
Uh, just to be sure, there's no
charge for this at all, right?
386
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,627
Yes, sir, no charge.
Although tips are appreciated.
387
00:15:53,629 --> 00:15:55,763
No, thank you.
388
00:15:55,832 --> 00:15:58,965
Adult mark: But food reminded me of someone.
389
00:15:59,002 --> 00:16:00,267
Something wrong with your steak?
390
00:16:00,403 --> 00:16:01,702
What if it's stolen?
391
00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:03,971
I wouldn't want to be
an accomplice to a meat crime.
392
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,873
-You name names.
-Enough!
393
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,241
This is a special night.
394
00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:08,975
-You gonna finish that?
-What?
395
00:16:09,012 --> 00:16:11,311
Pop: No, I think the boy's
got a good point.
396
00:16:11,347 --> 00:16:13,647
I mean, how do I know
this steak hasn't been
397
00:16:13,782 --> 00:16:15,783
Down somebody's trousers?
398
00:16:15,852 --> 00:16:17,718
Waiter: Freshly grated parmesan?
399
00:16:17,787 --> 00:16:19,586
Yes, please.
400
00:16:19,622 --> 00:16:20,788
Hm?
401
00:16:21,858 --> 00:16:23,190
Pop: Oh lord, the pigs!
402
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:26,126
We walked straight
into the lion's den!
403
00:16:26,162 --> 00:16:28,529
Why did you let me
make that call?
404
00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:31,799
Did you hear that the kirklands,
they got nabbed for that ad?
405
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:33,300
-So--
-are you gonna eat that?
406
00:16:33,302 --> 00:16:34,468
-He took my steak!
-What?
407
00:16:34,603 --> 00:16:36,403
Mike jr: The steak.
You gonna finish the--
408
00:16:36,406 --> 00:16:40,540
Pop: Oh, no, no.
I've lost my appetite.
409
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:41,642
[sighs]
410
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,013
Adult mark: No matter howembarrassed fox was of her dad,
411
00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:51,518
I still couldn't help being proud of mine.
412
00:16:51,554 --> 00:16:55,355
[upbeat jazz continues
in background]
413
00:16:57,292 --> 00:16:59,727
Still mad at me?
414
00:16:59,729 --> 00:17:01,762
No.
I understand.
415
00:17:01,897 --> 00:17:03,831
It's not personal.
416
00:17:03,966 --> 00:17:05,866
I mean, you wouldn't be
winning an award for ethics
417
00:17:05,935 --> 00:17:08,302
If you took a dive for
your own son, now, would you?
418
00:17:08,437 --> 00:17:09,804
Officer butt: Attention, folks!
419
00:17:09,939 --> 00:17:14,475
And the edward r. Murrow award
for ethics in broadcasting
420
00:17:14,544 --> 00:17:18,979
Goes to a man whom
we in the force trust.
421
00:17:19,048 --> 00:17:20,514
Ladies and gentleman,
422
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:22,716
Vocm's mike critch!
423
00:17:22,718 --> 00:17:25,653
[applause]
424
00:17:25,788 --> 00:17:27,321
Thank you.
425
00:17:33,129 --> 00:17:34,595
Mike sr: Uh, thank you.
426
00:17:34,597 --> 00:17:38,999
I'm particularly honoured
to accept this award for ethics,
427
00:17:39,035 --> 00:17:41,401
Because, as I always
tell my boys,
428
00:17:41,471 --> 00:17:44,404
Doing the right thing...
429
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:50,277
[sentimental music]
430
00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:52,947
...Isn't always easy.
431
00:17:53,082 --> 00:17:55,683
Life isn't black and white.
432
00:17:55,818 --> 00:17:57,785
It's mostly grey.
433
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:02,556
And the greyer I get,
the more I can see that.
434
00:18:02,558 --> 00:18:06,227
There's no good guys
and bad guys.
435
00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:10,364
Just people trying
their best to get by.
436
00:18:12,235 --> 00:18:15,502
Sometimes when you set out
to do the "right" thing,
437
00:18:15,505 --> 00:18:19,006
You end up doing
more harm than good.
438
00:18:19,008 --> 00:18:24,178
So, try and err
on the side of kindness.
439
00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:28,048
That's something
I learned from my son.
440
00:18:28,084 --> 00:18:32,987
And that's who I'd like to thank
most tonight, is my family.
441
00:18:33,122 --> 00:18:34,922
Thank you for showing me
442
00:18:34,924 --> 00:18:37,324
That it's never too late
to do the right thing.
443
00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:38,526
Well, jesus, he knows.
444
00:18:38,661 --> 00:18:39,960
-What?
-Yeah.
445
00:18:39,962 --> 00:18:41,996
Thank you, and goodnight.
446
00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:44,130
[applause]
447
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,666
Alright, let's have this out.
448
00:18:45,668 --> 00:18:46,934
It's gone.
449
00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:50,004
Nobody need know.
450
00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:52,172
How did you find out?
451
00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:54,875
Everybody knows about them.
452
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,410
About the guns?
453
00:18:56,545 --> 00:18:57,811
Guns?
454
00:18:57,847 --> 00:19:00,214
I'm talking about
my descrambler.
455
00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,816
Guns, well,
what are you talking about?
456
00:19:02,818 --> 00:19:05,419
Let's pretend this
conversation never happened.
457
00:19:05,554 --> 00:19:06,553
Oh...
458
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,889
Uh, what conversation?
459
00:19:08,958 --> 00:19:11,157
Don't touch my dessert.
460
00:19:11,194 --> 00:19:13,627
Mary: [gasps]
oh...
461
00:19:13,663 --> 00:19:15,696
Mm!
462
00:19:15,698 --> 00:19:17,631
Adult mark: Sometimes you just have to depend
463
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:22,636
On your heart to tell you what's right.
464
00:19:22,772 --> 00:19:24,171
Bologna on white with mayo?
465
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,505
Feeling exotic?
466
00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:26,807
Give that to me, narc.
467
00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:28,776
Adult mark: We all know we should strive
468
00:19:28,911 --> 00:19:33,214
To do the right thing...
469
00:19:33,349 --> 00:19:35,249
Admit when you're wrong...
470
00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:38,218
Oh geez, not again!
471
00:19:39,255 --> 00:19:40,721
[static on tv]
472
00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:42,790
Adult mark: Don't steal...
473
00:19:42,925 --> 00:19:44,725
And always tell the truth.
474
00:19:47,163 --> 00:19:49,162
[sound of tv show]
475
00:19:49,232 --> 00:19:50,530
Thank you.
476
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,399
Adult mark: But life isn't black and white.
477
00:19:52,534 --> 00:19:54,935
Sometimes, in those shades of grey,
478
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:59,873
We end up doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
479
00:20:01,711 --> 00:20:06,880
For family...
480
00:20:06,949 --> 00:20:08,482
Breaking news!
481
00:20:08,617 --> 00:20:11,351
A member of the constabulary has
reported his newly acquired gun
482
00:20:11,387 --> 00:20:12,886
Has gone missing.
483
00:20:12,888 --> 00:20:15,155
Mike sr: [radio] sources say
this is not the first time
484
00:20:15,291 --> 00:20:16,757
The officer's weapon
has been misplaced.
485
00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:20,427
Also, the beef bandit
has been arraigned.
486
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:21,895
And now, the weather.
487
00:20:21,964 --> 00:20:23,763
Looks like a good day out there!
488
00:20:23,799 --> 00:20:25,565
Sunny with a high of 5 degrees.
489
00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:27,901
Stop, or I'll say "stop" again!
490
00:20:27,970 --> 00:20:30,704
My finger is loaded!
491
00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:32,640
You're a total dork,
you know that, right?
492
00:20:32,775 --> 00:20:34,308
Mm-hm.
493
00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:36,777
Adult mark: And the best reason of all...
494
00:20:36,779 --> 00:20:38,412
For love.
495
00:20:38,481 --> 00:20:39,746
It's a beaut, dad.
496
00:20:39,815 --> 00:20:40,714
You deserve it.
497
00:20:40,849 --> 00:20:42,716
Pop: Jesus murphy, pipe down!
498
00:20:42,718 --> 00:20:45,286
Mary: We can hardly hear the tv!
499
00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,988
Officer butt: [tv] crime
stoppers is seeking assistance
500
00:20:47,990 --> 00:20:49,923
For the following crime:
501
00:20:49,959 --> 00:20:53,393
A rifle is missing
from a vehicle.
502
00:20:53,429 --> 00:20:55,696
No fault of the vehicle's owner.
503
00:20:55,765 --> 00:21:00,701
We assume a roving band of
gun thieves has run amok,
504
00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:03,537
Absconding with
weapons hither--
505
00:21:03,672 --> 00:21:05,872
-Mary: Frig's sakes!
-Mike jr: Oh, it's dad's award!
506
00:21:05,941 --> 00:21:07,140
The metal's friggin' up
the reception!
507
00:21:07,176 --> 00:21:08,375
Pop: Oh, get it off!
508
00:21:08,444 --> 00:21:10,010
Mike sr: And where do
you suggest I put it?
509
00:21:10,012 --> 00:21:11,211
Why don't you put it up your--
510
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,379
[all yell]
511
00:21:12,514 --> 00:21:14,081
They can't stay
in the same room anymore!
512
00:21:14,150 --> 00:21:16,316
Just let him say it!
Let him say it!
513
00:21:16,352 --> 00:21:23,090
[all yelling over each other]
514
00:21:23,159 --> 00:21:26,626
♪
515
00:21:26,696 --> 00:21:30,764
♪
516
00:21:30,899 --> 00:21:34,568
♪
517
00:21:34,570 --> 00:21:38,838
♪
518
00:21:38,874 --> 00:21:43,043
♪
519
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:46,679
♪
35988
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