Original subtitles

Welcome to the fifth season of “Last One Laughing.”

If you already know the show, I don't need to explain the rules anymore.

If you're watching the show for the first time,

I'd rather explain the rules in one sentence.

Ten entertainment professionals, six hours in this room.

And if you laugh twice, you're thrown out.

And believe me, our 40 cameras don't miss a thing.

[powerful drum music]

[upbeat music]

-Oh. -Ralf Schmitz.

Hello, here I am.

-I am alone? -Yes.

Yes, I'm the first.

Wow.

Mann.

For me, I think that's an absolute one

emotional challenge.

Locker number one.

Tactics. Do I have a tactic? Yes.

Uh, don't listen.

What is that? "Bully's Doll Box".

Yes, "Bully's Doll Box" is new.

We'll get to that later.

I already suspect. I already suspect.

[peppy music]

Ina Müller. As you know, Ina Müller is very close to laughing.

Take your index finger and wiggle it back and forth and I'll be gone.

-Hey. -[she screams]

-So what is that? -I'm so glad you're here.

Ina Müller is there?

May I listen once? This looks very... big.

[Olaf] Here I am again. My name is still Schubert, Olaf.

But most people just call me Olaf Schubert.

-Oh, look. Oh God, there it is... -Hello.

Just seeing through him, it would have been over.

He's extremely dangerous when it comes to improvising and stuff like that.

Do you have a second man with you?

[she starts, laughs]

Have you touched it? Is it still warm?

-Lau. Lau. -Lukewarm.

I'll reveal something,

something I've never done in public before.

And I'm... curious to see how people react.

[whispering] I'll be right back, okay?

-[he imitates shuddering] -Oh God.

Oh, I'm so happy.

-Oh. -Hey, yeah.

-[Ina] Oh. -This is of course an appearance.

-[Elyas] Hi, greetings. -Tagchen.

I still don't know if that was the right decision.

But I'm happy to be here now.

I'll help Elyas for a moment, right?

He has prepared so much.

[stammering] What kind of tricks does he have?

The actors have learned everything.

Don't underestimate me, but don't overestimate me either.

-Hello. -Grüezi, Hazel.

-N/a? -Not just funny people, also beautiful people.

-And Olaf. -Hi.

Hello. With you, I don't know where I...

Madame Dry Humor. Oh God.

[playful music]

Hi.

I'm Meltem Kaptan.

From Cologne. Actress and comedienne too.

But I'm actually a permanent grinner by profession.

-[Meltem] Hi. -Good day.

Hello.

What awesome characters.

Hello.

For me, Meltem is one of the warmest, friendliest...

Meltem is actually the opposite of me.

[goes] Oh.

I was promised stars, but good ones.

-And you thought you were there? -Yes.

Michael Kessler is basically a veteran,

a titan of the cheerful scene.

-Look. Uh, Ralph? -Gladly.

-Elyas, could you assist? -Should I help you?

-Thanks. -Clear.

Where are we going? That way?

-You're not wearing anything? -Nope.

Do you already know your locker number?

Seven. The seven. Thank you very much.

I think the time is ripe for Mirja Boes.

[casual music]

[all] Hey.

Oh.

Miria. Have. Have.

Also dangerous.

Does it have to be that way? Does it have to be that way?

-Nice. -Very nice.

If you don't expect it at all, I'll suddenly have your back.

Here comes start number nine, a real champion.

The winner of the first season.

My name is Torsten Sträter.

I'm a mix of Clint Eastwood and a cartoon character.

-Very close. We get very close. -A row there, a row here.

[cool music]

-[Michael] Look out, I hear something. -[Hazel] Attention.

Three two one...

-[Torsten starts up] -[everyone cheers]

I see my first beads of sweat running down my back.

He's also someone I definitely have to be careful of.

[all] Torsten! Torsten! Torsten!

Are you stupid?

A direct hit for me. Humor Center.

So levels nine to ten.

So. Yes.

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

-[everyone cheers] -[Ralf] No.

-There he is. -I am here.

Otto.

[he yodels and barks] Are you quiet? Seat. Sorry.

[Meltem] The Legend.

Oh God, Otto is... Oh God.

No offense intended, but I hope it gets out quickly.

-You're real, aren't you? -I am.

-Are you real too? -Me too.

Back in the 70s, Otto made sure

that we slapped our thighs laughing.

Deeply, with every fiber of our being, we learned to laugh with Otto.

-How long have you been here? -Three hours.

-Seriously? -No.

Oh my god, Schmitz is killing me.

I think I'll go in and tell them they're not here for fun.

[suspenseful music]

No, not yet.

It's starting. I thought we still had time.

No.

[alle] Yay.

[Michael] Look who's coming.

-Bully... -Wait.

-Otto is there. -Is not that great?

-Craziness. -I really hate to disturb you.

I don't do it for long either. So I would like to warmly welcome you.

Especially the seven newcomers, who are celebrating a real premiere here.

And because this is so new to you,

I would like the game manual

maybe explain again in more detail.

Wait, are there rules to the game?

[Bully] Good afternoon, dear participants.

On behalf of the entire crew, I would like to warmly welcome you

for the fifth season of “Last One Laughing.”

My name is Michael "Bully" Herbig

and I'll walk you through this show for the next six hours.

Should there be laughter in the event of turbulence,

giggle or grin come,

I cancel the game with a red buzzer.

[alarm signal]

-Oh God. -I have goosebumps on my head.

[Bully] Should you be the person

who was caught grinning or laughing,

please follow the instructions of the specialist staff.

You are asked to buzz away one of your two lives.

[shrill laugh]

Unfortunately, if this happens a second time, you will be thrown out of the show.

[shrill laugh]

Bully is a bit like the Robin Hood of humor.

He takes away the joy of life from us

and then gives it to the people.

[Bully] Afterwards I will activate the green buzzer in the control room,

and the game continues with this signal:

[start signal]

That is so bad.

[Bully] The winner

can look forward to receiving 50,000 euros for a good cause

and about the heaviest trophy in the world.

I'm now going back to the control room,

we will start in a few seconds.

Thank you for your attention

and your friendly applause.

-Oh Good. -Bravo.

I take it sportily and hope

that the others are better losers than me.

[Otto] Yes, okay. Wait, I'll go buy some juice.

Buy? You don't have to buy anything here, Otto. This is free.

-Seriously? -Yes.

Good shop, I'll have to remember that.

I'm totally relaxed right now.

I didn't have much plans other than winning.

Hello my dears, this is the fifth season

"Last One Laughing" opened.

[start signal]

[echoing tick]

-We're not laughing anymore. -Nope.

From now on. Let's go deeper into ourselves, right?

[relaxing zither sounds]

-[Gong] -It starts early.

Oh. Who was that?

-Will you take a seat for a moment? -[Elyas] It's already starting.

[Hazel] Yes, it starts now.

I wanted to say it quite frankly, at the very beginning.

There are two of me here today. And I wanted to introduce you to someone.

My child is there. I have little control over what it does.

[Meltem] We're in there for 20 seconds and Hazel pulls out her stomach.

So everything is possible.

[piepsig] "Hallo.

♪ The, the, the, the, the ♪

"Okay, now I'm warm."

I got some advice from Bully: “Just do it.”

♪ The, the, the, the ♪

"Oh, it's really, really beautiful."

Wow, awesome. Of course, Hazel quickly checked that she could get me easily.

I think that's why she went straight to me.

“Will I be as beautiful later?”

Unfortunately I don't think so, my darling.

We don't have the necessary genetic material for that.

"That's right. We know from home that we're not allowed to laugh.

When daddy runs naked from the shower to the closet."

-Good, that's it. -Oh right. Thank God.

That was all I had to say.

Congratulations. Congratulations.

[Hazel] Thank you very much.

I was told you can't bring a partner.

And I sense a violation of the rules.

I always think that if no one does anything, it's time off again.

But it is not. It's like this all the time now.

-No, you can laugh now and then. -When?

Yes always. Just not in this game.

-No. Why are you telling me this? -But.

[Elyas] You can let yourself go from time to time.

Do you want to hear a joke?

If you tell jokes as well as Moritz Bleibtreu,

I wouldn't like to hear one.

-What joke? -I can't do that.

You, what joke?

Just the fact that you exist is enough for me.

It's already difficult for me.

Ina, go away. Go away, Ina.

You have to be on my side, not throw me out.

I just wanted to tell you something.

Yes, but I look into your eyes and I can't take it anymore.

-[Otto] Look into my eyes. -Please.

Now seriously.

[Ina] When Otto looks at me like that,

I knew: "You won't grow old here."

Get out of there. Go away.

-I can't do that. -I dont want to bother you.

But if everyone leaves their clothes here... Then we're in the devil's kitchen.

So we need a bit of structure...

Olaf, I don't know if you noticed that in East Germany,

but the guy is a legend.

He can put his jackets anywhere, okay?

Otto, let’s not kid ourselves, world heritage site.

And that's what he radiates.

[poppy music]

Wow.

Otto chased me. He's been after me all the time.

I pursued him because I thought I had a chance.

-[Michael] You have a problem. -Yes, a big one. An old.

Dude, I was scared.

[clumsy music continues]

-[Otto] I just want to ask him something. -He just wants to ask you something, Ralf.

I thought, "You're jumping on your first victim," and then I said,

-Anyone who puts themselves in danger... -No.

I can do that too.

Oh, he knows me too well and knows all he has to do is look at me.

I've already taken part in one of your shows.

He couldn't get me to laugh.

Then he ran away and I followed him. The games are open.

-They're annoyed. -That's not nice.

Ralf Schmitz and Otto in small talk.

Could go wrong.

I have a remote control, right?

Yes, I have a remote control.

Torsten and remote control, sounds dangerous.

-Oh God, Sträter is coming. -Oh no.

[Gong]

Huh, that was loud.

What I've been thinking intensively about over the last few days is...

-"What do I wear?" -No, that wasn't it.

-Elyas, I'm primarily an author. -Mhm.

And when the opportunity is right, maybe it's time

to suggest scripts to you.

I would like to introduce the first one.

-From eight. -From eight?

-[Thorsten] Yes. -Eight?

But I need, um... dramatic music.

[dramatic music starts]

Pitch one: Ernesto, a billionaire's son,

who is forced to watch

how his parents don't return from a butter trip to Venlo,

falls into deep sadness, speculates, becomes impoverished.

[Ina] Torsten started

to narrate these films and I couldn't take it anymore.

Ernesto has to fire his driver, played by Adam Driver,

and his butler played by Gerard Butler.

But he vows to take revenge.

He starts training

and changing your diet, often several times a day.

And then one night he knows what to do.

[Elyas] He did it,

to focus attention on me.

And that triggered something in me.

[Elyas clears throat]

He becomes... Goat Parakeet Man.

-[she groans] -He quickly becomes a legend.

Horror stories circulate among the city's crooks.

It makes “two-tongues, two-tongues”.

Then he'll get you.

Goat Parakeet Man.

The police chief: “Tonight he shit all over all the patrol cars again.

Goat-parakeet man, you are not above the law."

Coming soon to Prime Video.

Elyas M'Barek is Goat Parakeet Man.

Justice goes “twitschi, zwotschi”.

[Hazel] Oh, wow.

-I would say we take that one. -Do you want to hear another one?

-Nope. -No, no, it's okay.

No thank you. Thank you very much.

-I'll do another one, okay? -Do not bother.

Let me do another one.

I confront my colleagues with dull content,

to sand away layer by layer, that's my concept.

-The thing is called... -[dirty music]

"Fleischi Hansen".

And come on.

Setting: an alternative Pinocchio universe.

In this world, Elyas M'Barek is born as Fleischi Hansen.

All people are made of wood, except him.

[Mirja] Give Torsten paper and pen and you know

That's the hell you're about to have on earth.

As soon as he comes into the world, the wooden midwife calls out:

"Wow, carved looks different."

[Olaf] My goodness. What comes of all this, right?

Mixed.

He grows up as a nerd and is teased at school.

But his only friend Ronny, 14, solid oak,

keeps his back free.

Do not.

But when he and Ronny are ambushed by a pack of woodpeckers,

they fight side by side.

Both are injured, but while Ronny has to go to the hospital to have his knee repaired,

heal Fleischi's wounds.

Then everyone realizes that Fleischi Hansen has superpowers.

Elyas made consistent noises the entire time.

[Elyas hums]

And you knew exactly that he had to do it now, otherwise he would implode.

Are you listening, Elyas?

-And. -And.

-Fleischi Hansen... -[dramatic music starts]

...is now part of it.

He becomes a heroic figure.

But more and more citizens of Holzwickede are disappearing.

No.

The smell of sawdust is in the air.

One man against the sandpaper yakuza.

Experience Hansen's fight

against the psychopathic hobby carpenter Lazarus Lasur.

Yes, exactly.

Elyas M'Barek,

the main actor from cinema hits like “Fack ju Göhte”,

"Shit In Your Pants, Rilke" and "I Have A Gun, Robespierre"

in "Fleischi Hansen".

I have to put this away.

A water-based man in a world that ripples when it gets wet.

-Bravo. -That was good.

[Meltem] Bravo.

[Otto] The spirit has been claimed,

but the body was also stressed.

It was very tiring.

-Do you want another one? -[Michael] No.

-You can do it again later. -Yes, good. I'll take them away.

I would also be interested in the others.

[Quiet music]

You've already been there. Everyone's kind of running all the time...

I was just about to say. This running will stop at some point.

-At some point you'll sit down again? -Exactly, at some point it will become more normal.

[eerie Music]

Children, I need a cup of coffee first. Just a cup of coffee.

Oh Good.

It's shocking how funny something like that is,

when things don't have the right proportions.

[Michael] Who's making coffee now?

-Can you take that? -No, I wanted that.

Can you... Oh yes, that's very nice. Thank you very much.

-Distributes much better too. -Thanks. Thank you very much.

[funny music continues]

[slurping]

Ah.

[he swallows, sighs contentedly]

Oh no.

[alarm signal]

What, now?

[Mirja] Was that me?

I couldn't tell now if it was me.

-Now you can relax. -It's a shame you're coming now.

I think it's a shame too. You understand the rules, right?

-[Ralf] I do. -Yes?

-I have to show you something. -I understood you.

Olaf, you've been here before. You know the rules too, right?

Uh, yes. You're causing a bit of unrest.

-Yes I know. -[they laugh]

Yes, we have video proof.

[tense music]

[Ina] Oh, man.

But I noticed it. Did you see?

That's the Hanseatic smile.

Oh, is it my turn? Oh shit.

[Olaf] We had only just taken off our jackets.

We were not yet at operating temperature.

I noticed it too. I apologized with my looks.

I noticed. But being kind won't get you anywhere.

-That's good. Am I hitting it? -Yes, please.

[laughter] [Ina, pitying] Oh.

[Bully, pitying] Oh.

Although I hammered in there:

"Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh",

I cackle at the first moment.

How stupid can people be, right?

Well, I have good news from the control room.

We have just received another permission to take off. Good luck.

[start signal]

[Tick]

[poppy music]

Oh, children. I have a cup arm.

-It's kind of like tennis elbow, right? -Yes, it's tennis elbow with a cup.

I once had a cucumber arm. That was so...

Sorry, dear friends. It's time for a real world premiere.

I would like to present to you "Bully's Doll Box".

Today for the first time.

It's a small stage, but there are also small guests.

Have fun.

-[bells ringing] -[cheerful music starts]

[Bully, playful] Ladies and gentlemen,

things continue happily...

- Um. -I.

Nice.

[Bully] ...with Bully's doll box.

[rehearsed lively laughter]

-For God's sake, Balder. -[Mirja] Oh no.

Not Hugo. Not Hugo.

-Good morning. -No.

Okay, that's it, wonderful.

He tells a joke, I'm counted. If he continues, I'm out.

Don't tell jokes now.

Rudi meets Stefan, his old friend, and says...

Fuck.

"Stefan, you're so sad. Did something happen?"

-Fuck. -I'll stop.

Then Stefan says: "You know, my grandma died."

"Oh, man, I'm sorry.

What did she have?"

-"Two rooms, kitchen, bathroom..." -"No, what she was missing."

-"Internet. Internet..." -"No, what she died from."

"Oh, yeah. It was in the kitchen.

Wanted to peel potatoes. Slipped, knife in stomach, dead."

"Oh, terrible. And what did you do?"

"Nudelin."

-[Michael] Yeah. - [Mirja] Yes, yes.

Nice.

-[Mirja] Joke over. -You can go, thank you.

Thank you, that was nice. Thank you for being there.

-[Hugo] Um... -[Michael] For God's sake.

-"Am I a bad mother, Jochen?" -"My name is Dieter."

-Choice alarm. -Don't you have to go, Hugo?

Two cannibals, father and son,

running through the desert and hungry.

Evelyn Burdecki comes towards them.

Says the son: "Dad, look, we'll eat them."

“No,” says the father. “We’ll take these home and eat them, Mommy.”

Hey, I'm so lost.

Um...

If I throw up alphabet soup, will I have broken German?

For God's sake. For God's sake.

[Hugo] The patient in the ambulance asks the driver:

“Excuse me, which hospital are you taking me to?”

The driver says: "No way, we'll take you to the morgue."

"Wait a minute, I'm not dead yet." "We're not there yet either."

[he whistles]

-All the best. Also professionally. -[Mirja] Bravo.

Thanks, Hugo.

[rehearsed lively laughter]

Nice premiere.

I thought there were little dolls coming.

I thought it was funnier how they got it in.

Yeah, I don't know either.

[Ina] I have to clear myself or something.

-[Michael] Free spins? -Yes.

Good heavens. What does that mean?

I can't sit here or I'll laugh. I have to do something.

Where does this suitcase open again?

At that moment I completely forgot, where did I put anything?

And what am I playing?

[she moans briefly]

I then... The first thing I picked out was...

[Gong]

Oh.

[exciting orchestral music begins]

-Wagner! -This is Goethe.

[Orchestral prelude to "Ride of the Valkyries" by Richard Wagner]

Melting with the brushes.

[stammering] That was... That one, I'll say now,

were mounted on the top floor.

So, tel.

[funny music]

Oh. [is snorted]

[Hazel] Bravo.

-[Ralf] Well done. -Bravo.

I think Meltem has more control over her breasts

than most people about their hands.

[dirty music continues]

[Torsten] If I manage to expand my basement,

I will find a windowless chamber there,

where it is immediately nailed to the wall like a shrine.

[tense music]

[is coughed]

-[Torsten] Who is missing here? -Olaf.

Ach Gottchen.

Oh my god, the gong!

-[Ralf] Oh shit. -I don't think anything good will happen.

[delicate, monotonous piano sounds]

Hello.

And.

I could just goof off on the wrong piano.

I want this very popular...

er, medium,

LOL, use it to

around here maybe...

also get to know a partner.

Hm. Hm.

[Mirja] I would love to punch Olaf.

So mentally, felt. Because I'm like, "No, please, let me."

In principle, my partner could be anyone.

-[she coughs dryly] -But maybe it will...

exactly one...

like you.

Purely external...

This piano. I can not anymore.

...I'm the type, I'll say,

already on women like Hazel Brugger.

-Oder Meltem Captain. -Mhm.

But Ina Müller would also be something for me.

Because I live by the motto:

"It can't be sunshine every day."

[She moans]

[Ralf groans]

[Olaf] Briefly about me.

I think you can hear it in the music. I am a romantic through and through.

Beautiful, beautiful.

I have prepared something to present my technical data in a playful way.

-For God's sake. -[She moans]

[soft piano music continues]

I'm 1.86 kilograms old.

And then even less after a bowel movement.

- [Michael] Yeeeee. - Yes.

I would like to, er, seduce you with my charming smile.

But that is forbidden here.

Everything is forbidden here. You're not allowed to do anything.

That's why I would like to at least give you a quick once-over

give a little insight into my animal side.

[She moans]

[he hisses]

So.

Now it's up to you.

Have you worked up an appetite?

Just take me to shorten this.

Get in touch. I may be sweet, but not made of sugar.

[She moans]

-Bravo. -Super.

Olaf, that was unbelievable.

-I am hot. -Me too.

[Ina] Well, the piano would have been enough for me.

If you have one too many...

[she hums delicate, monotonous piano music]

So two tones too many are enough for me.

I can no longer listen to classical music.

So bad.

-[Ina] Because? -I'm getting scared.

[she hums orchestral music]

[she speaks unclearly]

Really bad. Thanks.

[alarm signal]

[Torsten] The noise erases any observation.

It immediately creates an insecurity.

[alarm signal]

-What is the mood? -Great, Bully, great.

-[Ralf laughs] -I have to show you something.

-Do you have a feeling? -I always think, I.

-Yes? -Always.

I think I'll show you this.

-And. -[Ralf] Oh no.

-[Otto] No. -[Meltem] Oh no.

Did you laugh at yourself twice, Ina?

No, I laughed because Elyas was sitting there,

and I realized it was fun

spitting at him with the dry crumbs.

Then I fooled around. And then I thought that was so funny.

And, Ina, Mensch.

I just turned away.

[Bully] Okay, we say goodbye to Ina Müller.

[Applause]

So we learn from this:

People only spit at you if you don't find it funny.

-[Ina] Bye. -[Mirja] Have fun, have fun.

Ride on without me.

[Michael] Yes, yes, yes.

-Oh man. -Are you sad?

I thought I could do it.

Look, I'm giving you a big hug. Almost as tight as the buzzer.

[start signal]

[Tick]

[funny music]

Otto. Look, Otto.

[delicate guitar sounds]

-Is anyone in the back right now? -[Mirja] Yes, Otto does.

-[Gong] -[she moans]

-Oh no. -Oh no, he sings.

[fast guitar sounds]

[powerful drum music]